Psychedelic Experimental Noise: The 90's


1. Meth Of A Rockette'S Kick- Mercury Rev
2. Home of the Brave- Spiritualized
3. Four Saints- The Boo Radleys
4. Some Give Birth- Rollerskate Skinny
5. Flux- Bardo Pond
6. Coming Back to Damnit- U.S. Maple
7. The Drowners- Flying Saucer Attack
8. Like Herod- Mogwai
9. Constellation- The Dead C
10. Descension- Unwound
11. 88-92-96- Six by Seven
12. Winona- Quickspace
13. Chance Was- Magic Hour
14. Blue Line Swinger- Yo La Tengo
15. Where Have All The Good Boys Gone- The American Analog Set
16. Dull Hands- White Heaven
17. YRP- Swans
18. Burlesque Egg- Hail
19. Don't Die Jim- Earl Brutus
20. Nothing Solid- Thinking Fellers Union
21. On Suicide- Zeni Geva
22. Good Morning Captain- Slint
23. Listen, the Snow Is Falling- Galaxie 500
24. Everything You Say Will Destroy You- The Auteurs
25. I'm Comin' Down- Primal Scream
26. Cuckoo's Out- The High Llamas
27. Drown- The Smashing Pumpkins
28. Kick The Tragedy- Drop Nineteens
29. Crucial- Godschild
30. Neusyland- Tall Dwarfs
31. Moron- The Notwist
32. Dangler -Laddio Bolocko
33. Supa Scoopa and Mighty Scoop- Kyuss
34. Exit Flagger- Guided By Voices
35. Cry Sis- Sebadoh
36. Half a Canyon- Pavement
37. Save Yourself- The Make-Up
38. No Certainty Attached- The Church
39. Song Against Sex- Neutral Milk Hotel
40. You've Passed- Neutral Milk Hotel
41. Define a Transparent Dream- The Olivia Tremor Control
42. Look on Down from the Bridge- Mazzy Star
43. Hitler As Kalki- Current 93
44. Wild Flower Soul- Sonic Youth
45. Big Bang- Helios Creed
46. Dreams Burn Down- Ride
47. Machine Gun- Slowdive
48. I Only Said- My Bloody Valentine
49. Breather- Chapterhouse
50. Finland Station- Auburn Lull
51. Ejector Seat Reservation- Swervedriver
52. XYZ- Moose
53. Mirrors A Still Sky- Love Spirals Downwards
54. Distilled- Blonde Redhead
55. Czerwone Kozaki- Œcianka
56. Crypto-Zoological Disaster- Monoshock
57. From the Dark- Died Pretty
58. Teenage Lust- The Jesus and Mary Chain
59. On Again Off Again- Hair & Skin Trading Co.
60. Emergency Turn Off- All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavors
61. Wings- Dog Faced Hermans
62. Peaches- The Orchids
63. Einer Von Deinen- Flowerpornoes
64. Battle- Blur
65. Holy Mountain- Sleep
66. Cosmic Interception- Von Lmo
67. Trouble Follows- Band of Susans
68. Anamorphose- Stereolab
69. A Song Of Changes- Cindytalk
70. Reason Why- Tram
71. Blue Collar Love- Starflyer 59
72. Departing The Body- Roy Montgomery
73. Sadhana Sidhi- Liquid Sound Company
74. Tuatara- Tipsy
75. Superstar- Spell
76. She's Just Like Me/Taking Time- The Apples in Stereo
77. Emma Blowgun's Last Stand- Beulah
78. Collection of Poems About Water- Of Montreal
79. Dark Night- Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
80. Mountain People- Super Furry Animals
81. The Trouble I've Been Looking For- Magnetic Fields
82. Gruby Zakat- Zvuki Mu
83. Where It's Hotter Pt. 3- The Microphones
84. Hit The Ground Running- Smog
85. Each Dream Is an Example- Gastr Del Sol
86. Leeora- The Sea and Cake
87. I Couldn't Care Less- The Veldt
88. 4, 5, 6- The Flying Luttenbachers
89. Raymod- Bluebottle Kiss
90.(Edge Of The) Ape Oven- Royal Trux
91. Flex- Prolapse
92. Blown (Face Down)- Dazzling killmen
93. Cursed Mirror- Superchunk
94. Archaeopteryx Claw- Old Time Relijun
95. Mexico es EZLN- Die Goldenen Zitronen
96. Urge To Kill- Brainbombs
97. Bombay Fraud- Oneida
98. Big Ass- Alice Donut
99. Cosmic Space Girl- Guitar Wolf
100. Molecicco- Boredoms
101. Rabies (Baby's Got The)- Six Finger Satellite
102. Victim- Bodychoke
103. Hyapatia Lee- Space Needle
104. Eat- The Work
105. Zeittotschläger- Blumfeld
106. Waltz- Acetone
107. Butch- The Geraldine Fibbers
108. Queen Glass- Butterfly Child
109. Unfair Kind of Fame- The Pastels
110. Whoever You Are- Brian Jonestown Massacre
111. The Concept- Teenage Fanclub
112. Let's Talk About Cars- Butthole Surfers
113. CuChulain (Blackbirds Loom)- Supreme Dicks
114. Looking For a Way In- Cornershop
115. My Planet- The Multiple Cat
116. Skips On The Record- At The Drive-In
117. Basil's Kite- Cap'n Jazz
118. Luau- Drive Like Jehu
119. Dreamland- The Appleseed Cast
120. The Plan- Built To Spill
121. Floating Settee- Omnia Opera
122. Hag Me- Melvins
123. Huge- Boris
124. Be On Time- Bailter Space
125. Quest For Thrills- Danielson Family
126. Practically Perfect in Every Way- Röövel Ööbik
127. Englewood- The Bogmen
128. Down- Low
129. Oil of Angels- Cocteau Twins
130. The Moon is the Number 18- Silver Jews
131. The Fruit That Ate Itself- Modest Mouse
132. King Rides By- Cat Power
133. Patchwork- Tindersticks
134. Misunderstood- Wilco
135. Debutante- Aztec Camera
136. Don't Bring Tears to a Table- Kid Silver
137. A Tune for Jack- Lemon Jelly
138. Heizchase Nailway- Mouse on Mars
139. Dasher, Prancer, Donner & Blitzen- Mice Parade
140. Guru in the Echo- Ghost
141. Let's Make Some Plans- The Wedding Present
142. King of Sling- God Bullies
143. Mr. Underground- Superdrag
144. Tonight- Supergrass
145. Prig-Skok- Egor & The Fuckups
146. Chamski- Starzy Singers
147. Last Stop: This Town- Eels
148. Night Fade- Optical *8
149. The Creep Out- The Dandy Warhols
150. From Centre to Wave- Loop
151. East Hastings- Godspeed You! Black Emperor


Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse: The Top 25 Songs of 2012

The Best Songs of 2012 + 2012: The Smurf Apocalypse
Chapter 1: The Death of Papa Smurf's Generation
Chapter 2: The Smurfettes
Chapter 3: The Rise of the 3rd Anti-Smurf
Chapter 4: Beauty + Love = Macabre Prophecies
Chapter 5: Prelude… The World Ended Before it Began
Chapter 6: Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse

Chapter VI: Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

25. Ty Segall Band
"Death"  4:26
San Francisco, CA

Just as Gargamel and The Smurfs were once enemies, the Tyson family and the fat tourist were once friends. After the shopping development killed Archie Tyson’s sister, brother-in-law, nieces, nephew, and a batch of the organic corn, Archie Tyson and the remainder of the family vowed to seek revenge. It was scheduled 12-12-12, the grand opening of the new Pier 1 Imports. The media marveled at the crowd lined up in front of the store for the Grand Opening, and spun the story as if Pier 1 Imports was the #1 place in The Universe to shop for gift ideas. However, this was no ordinary crowd—all of them were members of the Archie Tyson militia. The moment the doors were opened, they stormed inside like a raging mob and trashed the stored. They busted up all the merchandise with bats, set fire to display of overpriced useless whicker shit, and busted out all of the windows. And once the interior of the store was demolished, the climbed to the top of the store and tore down the Pier 1 Imports illuminated sign; then proceeded to spend several minutes thrashing the sign in the parking lot and busting it into pieces.

24. The Men
"Animal"  2:50
Open Your Heart
New York, NY

Some members of the construction crew who putting the finishing touches on the elegant brand spanking new Jo-Ann Fabrics in the lot adjoining the Pier 1 Imports extravagant parking lot decided to interfere and attempt to stop the destruction of the Pier 1 Imports. This is when things began spinning wildly out of control. The Tyson family was relentless with the assault, not only fueled with vengeance for the atrocious killing of their family, but this shopping center had depleted valuable property (the fat tourist also confiscated the organic farm formerly owned by Tyson’s family in order to build another subdivision). The militia opened fire on the construction crew and they had to take cover behind several vehicles. They continued their attack, firing rounds of bullets into the vehicles, and ultimately shooting out all of the windows at Jo Ann Fabrics and their signs as well. A truck exploded, the store was trashed, and several people were left wounded.

23. Karriem Riggins
"Stadium Rock"  2:44
Alone Together
Detroit, MI/Los Angeles, CA

Word traveled fast about the battles raging in the new shopping center. These stores had the right to defend themselves and prepared to impose all means necessary to ensure the next series of chain stores were permitted to operate. A legion of Pier 1 Imports employees, dressed in their Pier 1 Imports uniforms, marched passed Gargamel’s house in the unison of properly trained soldiers (although many of these employees hardly resembled actual soldiers). They were armed with rifles and donning flags displaying the Pier 1 Imports logo. This is what had become of Smurf Village and neither The Smurfs nor Gargamel were pleased with the results. On the opposite side from where the Pier 1 Imports soldiers were marching, another platoon of people were coming… these with intentions of a different occupation altogether.

22. Dirty Projectors
"Just From Chevron"  4:07
Swing Lo Magellan
New York, NY

The new occupation was unwilling to allow the settlers to confiscate the neighboring organic farm. Their protest was done peacefully as they sat around the perimeter of the farm cross-legged holding candles. Unfortunately, roughly 30% of this movement did not possess jobs and these were the ones shown on television as it was spun to appear as if all the protesters were dirty stinky hippies. Therefore, this demonstration was regarded as “irritating” to most people except for Hippy Smurfette, who eagerly joined them. The purpose of this was to create a human blockade that would not allow the developers through without harming another human being; or, if the developers were successful with the completion of this mission, they would live with the guilty conscience of giving chain stores more priority than human life. And when the developers arrived, they did not move, but rather clapped their hands and sang out a song.

21. Micachu & The Shapes
"OK"  3:31
Bow, England

It worked temporarily, and the rest of The Smufs even came outside to engage in peaceful talks with the construction crew, who was ordering everybody to leave. Nobody left and tension was mounting as the discussion grew more heated. They even attempted to shove women to create an opening and tried to stomp some of The Smurfs. Once it proved to no avail, they called in the local authorities. These people, referred to as police outside the Smurf Village, are supposed to be unbiased and view all altercations subjectively. Should thorough examination be properly assessed, they may have ordered the construction crew to leave and charge them with trespassing. That was not the case, and the moment they arrived, they ordered the protestors to leave (American humans are only freely allowed to protest Planned Parenthood, all other times, the police will take the side of the establishment.) Within minutes of arriving, they beat the demonstrators with clubs, and pepper sprayed people who were merely sitting on the ground without threatening anybody; they even pepper sprayed The Smurfs. After watching The Smurfs being brutalized by the police, Vicious Vixen Smurfette clutched The Great Wizard’s wooden pole, closed her eyes, looked to the sky, murmured the proper words, and then Vicious Vixen Smurfette was the same size as the human police officers.

20. Pop. 1280
"Nature Boy"  4:14
The Horror
New York, NY

Upon being equally sized (although still way outnumbered by the police and riot squad) she immediately stormed into the scene and swung the pole at the officer’s wrists, knocking the pepper spray out of his hand; she rapidly waved the pole in front of his face and it pepper sprayed the police officer—the little pussy clutched his eyes and cried, squirming around on the ground. An officer quickly drew his gun on Vicious Vixen Smurfette, and she rapidly struck him with the pole and sent the gun flying out of his grasp. She twirled the pole in her hands and beat the piss out of 5 police officers, Kung Fu style, in a brief matter of seconds. To top it all off, she waved the wand at one of the squad cars and it exploded. People stared in awe; she stared back coldly, standing by a flaming police car, this was by far the most intimidating a Smurfette had ever appeared… this wasn’t Saturday morning cartoons anymore.

19. Céu
"Asfalto e Sal"  2:56
Caravana Sereia Bloom
São Paulo, Brazil

The police and construction crew feared Vicious Vixen Smurfette, quickly jumped into their vehicles, and sped away as quickly as they could. It was a much needed victory that delayed the development committee from taking over as easily as they would have liked. They celebrated this amazing triumph, and for the time being, it appeared they had the perfect weapon in Vicious Vixen Smurfette. Although they could not alter what had already happened in the past, this organic farm was going to be saved.

18. Michael Kiwanuka
"Rest"  3:53
Home Again
London, England

Even though they obtained one victory, they knew the battle was far from over. The Great Wizard’s magical rod held some limitations—the very last page had an index of spells filed under “Cannot Be Done.” Knowing this was not a battle for The Smurfs, even under the leadership of the fearless Vicious Vixen Smurfette, The Smurfs still had plans to leave the settlement and embark on a journey to a new haven…this was the actual purpose of the magic rod. Dreamy Smurf held Dreamy Smurfette tightly in his arms and kissed her on the head. There was assurance across the village that everything would soon be fine, and that The Smurfs were going to overcome any obstacles they may face; it was just a matter of waiting for the perfect moment to strategically implement their escape plans.

17. Horseback
"Ahriman"  3:55
Half Blood
Chapel Hill, NC

The sun turned black. Although it was still daylight, the sun was solid black, discoloring the sky to a dull gray and illuminating blackness throughout the battlefield. A swarm of locusts emerged from the ground and filled the sky. An odd figure perched on a white horse stared off in the distance down the road from the battlefield, which centered at Gargamel’s house. From the opposing side of the street, a tank was plowing its’ way up the road, destroying the concrete in its’ path, bearing the flag of Jo Ann Fabrics waving in the wind. Behind Gargamel’s house, where the shopping center was built, the looters temporarily ceased pillaging and gazed towards the sky, absorbing the black rays beaming down upon them.

16. Daughn Gibson
"Tiffany Lou"  4:36
All Hell
Carlisle, PA

Glowing black light altered the image of the entire parking lot and the manager from Pier 1 Imports clutched his chest; he dropped to his knees and the world spun around him with a dizzying blur. Once believed to a man of God, the Pier 1 Imports district manager was gasping for breath; he went into a state of sheer panic as blood gushed from his eyes. Suddenly, the wreckage of the Pier 1 Imports store was infested with rats, which crawled out of the busted windows and swarmed into the parking lot. Vampire Smurfette hissed and showed her morbid fangs; simultaneously, all of the fabric inside Jo Ann Fabrics mysteriously combusted and a fire spread inside the store. Fires were brimmed in the backyards of the housing developments when each of the grills ignited one-by-one.

15. Helvetia
"Stay Wild"  4:15
Nothing in Rambling
Seattle, WA

An eerie chill despondently swept through the entirety of the land that once belonged to either Gargamel or the neighboring organic farm. The invaders showed some symptoms of fear, but they had a tank travelling down the street prepared to attack; an entire army of Jo Ann Fabrics marching behind them. On the other hand, The Smurfs were fighting this battle alone. The street had been closed off, and the media had reported suspicious terrorist activity taking place in the home of Gargamel. Papa Smurf dropped to the kitchen floor, staring at the ceiling, violently shaking, frothing at the mouth, and plagued with the nightmarish vision that had been disturbing him for centuries. The Smurfs gathered around him to help, but he was clutching his head, spinning on the kitchen floor, and shouting “no! No!” Unassisted, and for no reason at all, the kitchen faucet turned itself on and the water flowed inside the sink. Gargamel also dropped to his knees and blood poured from his nostrils.

14. The Walkmen
"Heaven"  4:22
New York, NY

It could have been nearly time to depart, but Dreamy Smurfette clutched Dreamy Smurf’s insisting that they should not leave at this moment…it was far too dangerous and to embark now would be a suicide mission. One of the developers of an unnamed department store reviewed the plans of the building site; he had done some extensive research on the project. He discovered the land was obtained by means he considered unethical; sadly he realized that he was also one of the members who voted in favor of the project. That day came when he realized he had made a crucial mistake and empowered the wrong people. The owner of this department store crumbled up the plans for his own building project and threw it into the face of the fat tourist. “This whole thing is a scam, and I will not be a part of it.” Furthermore, he insisted that he was going to expose the atrocities to the public and put a stop to this madness once and for all. The manager of Pier 1 Imports tried desperately to stop him. They had fought hard for this building site, they had been best friends, and there was money to be made here; exposing the crime would certainly result in bankruptcy. He was having no part of it; the owner of the department store slammed his jacket to the ground and left to join The Smurfs.

13. Heartless Bastards
"Only For You"  5:08
Cincinnati, OH

After disbanding his development project, the owner of the major department store was targeted for assassination. His trip to Gargamel’s began as a steady walk, but then he realized he was being followed and had to pick up his pace. They shot at him, and he had to sprint through the only remaining patch of forest until he reached Gargamel’s house. He pounded loudly on the door, but they did not open it immediately. “Let me in! Please. I’m with you now. Trust me.” The Smurfs were reluctant at first, but thought differently after witnessing development soldiers shooting at him. He was in the process of telling The Smurfs exactly what happened, when he abruptly shoved Gargamel to floor and ordered everybody “down!” A man with a machine gun stood beside the house and unloaded on the side of the house, busting out the windows, blasting holes in the walls, and sending bullets flying through the kitchen.

12. 不失者 (Fushitsusha)
"Aredakeha"  5:09
光となづけよう [Hikari To Nazukeyou]
Tokyo, Japan

Under an array of bullets flying, the department store owner crawled across the floor and obtained a knife out of the kitchen drawer. He carefully crept up to the window and the stuck the knife into the gunman’s chest. The militant officer attempted to remove the knife from his bloody chest (accidentally firing shots into the ground in the process), but Vicious Vixen Smurfette leaped onto the window ledge, fired her magically enhanced explosive machine gun, and finished him off. “There’s going to more of them coming.” The protestors were once again outside and were joined once again by the entire cast inside Gargamel’s house. There was tank trudging down the street, flying the flag of Jo Ann Fabrics, and drawing nearer. It fired one canon, but it missed the house and sent an explosion in the far-off field. Another shot was fired, and this canon was quickly approaching. CUT TO A NARRATOR WEARING A SUIT IN A PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE. “Did you know that tanks are driven by cowards? They might be made out to be heroes on TV, but it is the ultimate cowardly device. It’s armored, it’s almost impossible to penetrate, it’s nearly indestructible, it’s a safety net—similar to those who talk tough on the telephone but are genuinely pussies in person. They have but one purpose, and that is to kill. Therefore, all tanks were meant to be destroyed. ALL TANKS WERE MEANT TO BE DESTROYED.” The department store owner was standing beside Vicious Vixen Smurfette, “all tanks were meant to be destroyed.”

11. Moon Duo
"Free Action"  5:35
San Francisco, CA/Portland, OR

The canon overshot the house and caused another explosion in the field. PSYCHIATRIST: “Most tank operators cannot even hit their assigned targets. This is not an ideal trait to have when operating a weapon this destructive.” Display images of buildings destroyed by tank canons, tanks firing canons, tanks causing wreckage. PSYCHIATRIST: “The tank should be destroyed.” DEPARTMENT STORE OWNER: “Smurfette, destroy the tank.” PSYCHIATRIST: “People who drive the tank are not even human.” OWNER: “They are not even human. They’re murderers.” PSYCHIATRIST: “One has to question the desire to even operate a tank. Any mission that involves usage of a tank will be a mission of death and destruction. These are people who have opted, either voluntarily or by means of “just following orders”, to destroy entire villages. Most of them have been taught this since childhood. They have toy tanks, to give children the ambition to destroy foreign concepts. It is a cowardly form of warfare, which, all forms of military action are signs that society has been corrupted and ultimately failed. The usage of the tank, most often against populations who do not even possess advancements in weaponry, never decides who is bigger, better, stronger, smarter, or even tougher. Rather, it merely proves which side of the conflict possesses more currency and is more ruthlessly eager to spend the taxes they have embezzled from their own people in order to create devices capable of destroying entire communities and killing far more people with one shot than Jeffry Dahmer and Charles Manson did in their entire lifetimes combined.”

10. Thee Oh Sees
"Lupine Dominus"  3:29
Putrifiers II
San Francisco, CA

Did you know that throughout the course of history, tanks have rarely been used to defend the home front; maybe two or three times tops? Tanks are weapons of mass destruction used primarily by invaders of another community. It’s hard to fathom that rich and powerful armies have invaded impoverished communities with the usage of tanks and wiped out entire fleets of human beings—Israel with the Palestinians, Russia against Afghanistan, and repeated violations committed by The United States. Who did this? CUT TO AN OFFICE OF BUSINESS MEN: We did. We are the descendants of the first regime. It was our mission since our incarnation to conquer and rule the world so that we may have all of this (money). We conquered them, we conquered them, and if you are not sitting in this room right now, we conquered you. It was us who established the system of currency, it was us who created a need for government, it was us who bought your religion. We even had you pay for it. Your tax dollars funded our weapons, so that you, yes you, may defend our assets. We allowed you to lead a meaningless life in order to generate our profits. You worked for us. Even if you thought you owned your own business, you worked for us. You paid our taxes, you paid the rent we charged you, you paid the fees and interest rates, because you had to pay us to eat, you had to pay us to breath, you had to pay us to live. Everything you ever owned, you paid us for it. You didn’t really need that new upgrade—it was the exact same as the old system…we just made it a piece of shit so that you would have to keep buying it. We took control of all the assets, so that we could have the life that we lead now, and made you believe that you were free to whatever you wished. But you never were, really. The only ones who prospered were the ones who displayed the greatest show of conformity without challenging anything. That manager position you have—you’re not brilliant, we just knew you weren’t a threat. Why did we do this you ask? Truthfully, I don’t even know. I never said we were intelligent, I only stated that we were the biggest pricks in existence.” The tank was approaching. “Destroy the tank Vicious Vixen. It wasn’t in the name of liberty; it was in the name of currency. In the name of liberty, destroy the tank.”

9. Death Grips
"System Blower"  3:48
The Money Store
Sacramento, CA

The tank fired yet another canon. This time, nobody flinched; instead, they charged the streets and stood their ground. Vicious Vixen Smurfette swung The Great Wizard’s mystical pole and sparks shot from its tip. She drew back and caught the live canon, and in one quick sweep, ignited the shell and fired it back at the tank. Unlike the cowardly tank operator working for Jo Ann Fabrics, Vicious Vixen could effectively fire a canon and it was a direct hit—the tank exploded. The protesters, Gargamel, The Smurfs, and all of those siding against the development charged after the tank and ambushed the army following it. An enormous brawl erupted in the street, which was now on fire.

8. Vibravoid
"Gravitation Zero"  13:23
Gravity Zero
Düsseldorf, Germany

A full scale riot ensued on the street. Police officers were beating civilians, and protesters were destroying police cars. Several vehicles were overturned on the road with flames shooting out their windows. Not one single person participating in the revolt cooperated with orders from the police. Should an officer attempt to detain a person, he was struck back, often beat viciously in the face, and sometimes stomped repeatedly on the ground. Their clubs and shields were apprehended and some of the civilians were able to beat the police with their own clubs. Even though there was obviously zero compliance anywhere on the street, the police handcuffed some of the protesters and allowed them to be viciously attacked by the soldiers; so much for the concept of them protecting and defending freedom; pigs must resort to unethical techniques for they can rarely win a fair fight. Out of the black, the dark figure on the white horse rode through the streets and destroyed everything in its path—both soldiers and civilians. All participants in the riot dropped to the ground. The horse came through again, whipping civilians, and senselessly executed an unarmed Smurf.

7. Goat
"Run To Your Mama"  2:23
World Music
Korpilombolo, Sweden

Vicious Vixen Smurfette did not show leniency towards the unjustified execution of her Smurf friend. While everybody else was lying on the ground in fear, Vicious Vixen Smurfette stood in the middle of the street and challenged the demon to a duel. It rode by again, and this time Vicious Vixen Smurfette swung her pole and knocked the demon off the horse. It stood up, and the supernatural demon shot a ball of fire at Vicious Vixen Smurfette and sent her backwards, tumbling on the ground. The demon hovered over her and prepared for execution; however, the demon was attacked from behind by Vampire Smurfette and Azrael. Upon being assaulted by other supernatural forces, the demon was severely injured and lost his power. Vicious Vixen Smurfette stood up and stabbed him in the chest and he disintegrated into pieces.

6. The Sea and Cake
"The Runner"  4:36
Chicago, IL

The fighting temporarily subsided as both sides attempted to discuss matters. Once again, the fat tourist reminded everybody that they had been granted this land and were free to do whatever they pleased on it, because, after all, it was a free country and this was a free market system. He also informed everybody how the great governor of Sri Lanka had given them this land, God gave them this land, and the people wanted it. Nobody was interested in an organic farm; it was a waste of money. Chain stores was what generated revenue, chain stores was what funded the schools, and chain stores globalized the world. Suddenly, everybody realized that he was right; and just like that, they realized what the problem was in the world. People had lost hope in humanity because banks and corporations were sponsoring everything and tailoring it their liking, with the intentions on creating a slave state utopia in which but a few people would prosper.

5. Beak>
"Eggdog"  4:15
Bristol, England

Civilians expressed hostility, coupled with a staunch refusal to comply with the standards of the fat tourist. The owner of the department store engaged in a shouting match with the Anti-Smurf, snatched the documents out of his hand, and tore the papers into pieces. He declared that the governor of Sri Lanka never had any say as to what should take place on this property, and the voters were misinformed… as are a lot of people on a lot of things. They argued for several moments and the Anti-Smurf demanded that the department store owner be placed under arrest. He resisted arrest and shoved the fat tourist in the face. Sure enough, even though just yesterday the two were relatively equals, the police attempted to arrest the department store owner… he was displaying an unwillingness to conform to the slave state.

4. Tamaryn
"No Exits"  4:09
Tender New Signs
San Francisco, CA

As the department store owner was resisting arrest but being shoved into a riot squad wagon, more attempts were made by the civilians to stop the aggressors. Finally, a group strayed off and created a different distraction altogether. They knocked down the barrier walls and ripped out the barbed wire. The police viewed preserving the wall as a top priority and raced to save it. That’s when the rats came. At this point, all order and humanity was lost forever. Some of the civilians and many of The Smurfs simply sat on the ground and watched in despair as society revealed itself as a failure. Fires were being set, violence prevailed everywhere, and it appeared the world was crumbling down and being devoured by rats. Papa Smurf was once again disturbed with the vision of the water pouring in from an unknown source—the dam sprang a leak and dripped blood; the rivers flowed with blood glistening from the blackened sky.

3. Spiritualized
"Hey Jane"  8:52
Sweet Heart Sweet Light
Rugby, England

Papa Smurf was kicked while he was down and Vicious Vixen Smurfette sprang to her feet to his assistance. She was ruthless in her relentless assault on the soldiers. They kept rushing towards her and she kept warding them off one-by-one. At one point they had her surrounded and attempted to force her into the back of the riot squad wagon. But, she refused to give up, continuously elbowing them in the face, kicking, punching, head butting, and finally was able to shove them all away and once again draw The Great Wizard’s Mystical Rod. She had vacated a space and was able to create distance from herself and the goons. The rod first worked as a sword, and she chopped off the head of a member of the riot squad, sending his mask covered head rolling across the street. They tried to back away and re-establish a different position for attack, but she slayed several more of them.

(VERSE: “Hey Jane, when you gonna die) The police tried to shoot Vicious Vixen Smurfette, but she did not even take cover; she fired her automatic rifle and was gunning down cops and soldiers from every direction. She single handedly massacred the entire Pier 1 Imports Army. The walls of the settlement development had crumbled, and the invaders were being driven away. And just like, all went quiet. The fat tourist, the 3rd Anti-Smurf, with usage of a drone bomber, sprayed her with poisonous gas—a substance that had been outlawed a long time ago, and the heroine dropped to the ground dead, steaming from chemical burns.

2. Aluk Todolo
"Occult Rock III"  10:07
Occult Rock

It was silent for a short time while everybody examined the dead body of Vicious Vixen Smurfette. The protesters viewed this as a dirty move. Furthermore, that substance had been outlawed for numerous reasons and its effects could harm the entire environment. One spill of this substance could end the world.

Papa Smurf again dropped to the ground with the horrific vision of water coming in from an unknown source. Lush Smurfette lay beside Vicious Vixen Smurfette, crying, this was the end of everything for certain.

People shouted at the fat tourist, then chanted slogans, and demanded he be arrested for possession of an illegal toxic substance. However, no arrests were made. They still sided with the fat tourist, even though he had an internationally outlawed substance—none of the protesters were even permitted to possess marijuana. And the shouts grew louder, and kept coming stronger. At this point, the riot squad merely watched, standing on one side of the battle zone. Particles of the demolished wall were hurled at the police, the riot squad, and the armies. They swung clubs at them, but only sought to keep them on one side of the street.

That’s when the reinforcements came. This time, they brought in the fire department, and they were equipped fire hoses. Despite the fact there was no fair trial to determine who was right or wrong, the fire department sided with the riot squad. They aimed the fire hoses at the unruly rioters, turned the power level to high, and then the water from an unknown source came rushing in and washed away Smurf Village.

#1. Swans
"The Seer"  32:15
The Seer
New York, NY

Papa Smurf was seated at the round table holding his handful of cards, cigarette draping out of his mouth. Vicious Vixen Smurfette glanced over at him, looked over him carefully, gave him a dirty sneer, and then pushed a stack of chips into the center of the table. Papa Smurf inhaled the cigarette, blew out the smoke, rolled the butt around his lip, re-arranged his cards, and declared he was in. A couple other Smurfs set down their cards—they folded, and the department store owner shook his head in disbelief, but declared he was in too. He knew he lost, but his hand was too good. The department store owner held three nines, Vicious Vixen Smurfette held a full house, and Papa Smurf had four Jacks—winner Papa Smurf.

“You fucking asshole!” declared Vicious Vixen Smurfette.

Gargamel tossed Papa Smurf a pack of cigarettes as he gathered the cards and prepared to shuffle for the next game.

“You know,” the department store owner asked Papa Smurf, “how did you know that this was coming?”

“It was a dreaded vision that I had for hundreds of years. And that day, I just knew when it was going to happen. I can’t really explain it actually, just something that I may have been born with, maybe a skill I developed. Regardless, at times, I see it all. It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

FLASHBACK: The water came pouring in, just as the horrific vision always indicated. All the little Smurfs were washed away.

FLASHBACK: Prior to that, Brainy Smurf rushed to Papa Smurf’s assistance as he was lying on the ground having convulsions. Papa Smurf said something to Brainy Smurf, Brainy agreed, and exited the scene to carry off a new mission.

The fire hose was not completely effective on everything. It may have washed away the Smurfs, killing and drowning virtually all of them, but some of the protesters snuck around from the sides and attacked the firemen. Also, a fleet of demonic rats were coming and they freakishly were able to swim through the current of the rushing water. Once around the water flow, they viciously attacked.

Brainy Smurf was scurrying back to Papa Smurf, for he had just finished the mission he told him to do, and then he was suddenly blasted with rushing water. It swept him across the field, (Brainy was being under water, back up, and trying to stay afloat) and the current smashed his head against a wooden fence, killing him instantly.

The department store owner was in the process of trying to fight the riot squad, but Papa Smurf yanked him by the ankle and tripped him. When the water came rushing in, Papa Smurf continuously dunked his head under the water and drowned him. He was certain that Papa Smurf betrayed him, and the water poured in and crashed them both against the same pole as Brainy Smurf.

In another display of betrayal, Azrael attacked Gargamel. Gargamel was trying to fight off Azrael, who kept scratching at his face, and he too was pummeled to his death in the same water current that smashed his head into a nail coming out of the fence.

A battle raged in the streets. People were beating each other, stomping each other, killing each other, and then suddenly the 3rd Anti-Smurf was attacked by rats. As he was attacked, a container with the highly toxic poisonous gas spilled onto the ground, but Vampire Smurfette apprehended it and stuffed it into his mouth.

The police slammed somebody’s head into the ground and beat him to death. There were puddles of blood on the street and everybody was hauled off either in the riot squad wagon or in an ambulance… many were dead.

On that day, the riot squad was victorious. They killed all The Smurfs, Gargamel, annexed all of the land and built that shopping center.

However, there was some sort of poisonous toxin in the soil. Every single business establishment located on what was formerly Gargamel’s property went bankrupt. There were a lot of spooky things that took place and the place was eventually deemed haunted; same could be said for the housing developments. Each one of them carried a curse; after the unexplainable murder/suicide that took place on the corner, all of the residents vacated the entire subdivision. The 3rd Anti-Smurf eventually died from his toxic poisoning. The foundation was exposed as a scam and many of those reaping profits from the scam committed suicide. This was the day that first regime was finally conquered.

FLASHBACK: Before the great flood, Brainy Smurf ran to the exact fence post in which they would all be crushed. He climbed to the top of the fence, and placed that huge bottle of potion that Papa Smurf had concocted to revive Azrael and Smurfette. When Vicious Vixen Smurfette smashed into the pole, it knocked the bottle off the ledge, and spilled onto the dead Smurfs, along with the others who perished that day.

If you listen closely you just might hear them… they’re living underground now, with lots of new allies, and all is well. They sell shit in a new store (clothes made by Material Smurf, bakery goods, albums recorded by Harmony Smurf and Smurfette, etc; Gargamel is the cashier—they refuse to make millions and constantly give back to the community.

“Look,” an excited Material Smurf declared entering the room, “look what I made!” She unveiled her new T-shirt that she hoped to release in January of 2013. The shirt read ‘See, I told you so’ on the front, and on the back it read, “Now PLEASE, shut the fuck up about this God damn end of the world bullshit!”

"Like Wine"  6:55
The Inner Treaty
Los Angeles, CA

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

Original Smurfs created by Peyo (Pierre Culliford)
None of the original songs nor Smurf's episodes were ever intended to be used in this type of format.

Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
The Shining references written by Stephen King; directed by Stanley Kubrick


The Top 50 Songs of 2012

The Best Songs of 2012 + 2012: The Smurf Apocalypse
Chapter 1: The Death of Papa Smurf's Generation
Chapter 2: The Smurfettes
Chapter 3: The Rise of the 3rd Anti-Smurf
Chapter 4: Beauty + Love = Macabre Prophecies
Chapter 5: Prelude… The World Ended Before it Began
Chapter 6: Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse

Chapter V: Prelude… The World Ended Before it Began

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

50. The Brian Jonestown Massacre
"Panic in Babylon"  4:39
San Francisco, CA

Some have suggested that official Apocalypse may have taken place in 2012… 2012 BCE that is. On the contrary, the world more than likely ended before it ever began. The world officially ended with the first regime. All historic efforts to invade and conquer territories with the purpose to form a regime, to enable a select few power abusive wealth seekers to dictate their own standards on another culture, was the definitive sign that humankind on Earth was going to be a failure. Any time excessive force is needed to convert other civilians to the standards of another culture…. that is a certain indication that the forced system is seriously flawed. Throughout history, all great conquerors, all great dictators, and all rulers of giant empires have shared one thing in common: in terms of mental intelligence, to put it in layman’s terms, they were all genuinely stupid.

"Guv'nor"  2:59
Key to the Kuffs
JJ: Philadelphia, PA/DOOM: London, England/New York, NY

The fat tourist showed up once again at Gargamel’s house and thanked him for the fact that the land was not for sale. However, he arrived with the governor, and they declared that they would simply be taking a major portion of his land without any compensation whatsoever. Furthermore, the governor of Sri Lanka had taken it first, and then declared that the governor and the fat tourist could have it outright to establish a commerce seeking shopping mall state. Also, a few people from upstate who had never even been anywhere near this property also voted on this issue and elected to allow the fat tourist to use it for commercial development and as housing settlements where other fat tourists like himself could maintain permanent residency.

48. A Whisper in the Noise
"A Sea Estranged Us"  4:07
To Forget
Hanska, MN

Papa Smurf was once again lying in his bed suffering from the nightmarish visual of water pouring in from an unknown source and wiping out Smurf Village. Outside, the weather was nice, the stream flowed peacefully across the picturesque landscape of healthy trees, pretty flowers, birds singing, deer grazing, and gorgeous scenery. Trouble was attempting to disrupt the harmony of the only lifestyle these living organisms had ever known. The fat tourist was walking through the grass with a posse of men wearing business attire, viewing diagrams, and reviewing plans to alter this situation to their liking; they honestly felt as if God had given them this land because they were chosen to represent humankind.

47. Titus Andronicus
"Ecce Homo"  5:13
Local Business
Glen Rock, NJ

Gargamel was jolted out of bed with a loud noise outside in his yard. A patrol of construction vehicles plowed a path through Gargamel’s yard just beside his home. He stormed outside to confront them about it and they showed him the documents that either claimed God gave them this land, the governor of Sri Lanka granted it to them, and the people from upstate voted in its’ approval. Any person who does it for the money is not acting in his/her natural state. To these people, Gargamel was primitive, while they represented advancement in cultural growth… the mall and a suburb. They had big plans to generate large profits on Gargamel’s property; this consisted of selling other people’s products without manufacturing any of them, paying the people who voted for the settlement low wages while charging massive rates for the products, rent prices, and property taxes, and it would all be paid for with tax payer dollars. This was going to affect the entire community, but only nine people were going to reap all of the profits—the fat tourist being the chief recipient of the revenue.

46. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
"Early Birds Of Babylon"  5:15
Mature Themes
Los Angeles, CA

The Anti-Smurf settlement developers outlined numerous rules in which Gargamel was expected to follow. They erected a fence layered with barb wire around the perimeter of his house. Even though he had been walking freely on this whole area his entire life, there were now areas that were forbidden for him to pass. An army was funded by the tax payers and they made certain that Gargamel followed these orders—telling him to do this, don’t do that. They set up checkpoints on various paths through the woods and Gargamel was frequently stopped, harassed, and searched. He did not possess proper documents for he never had needed any.

45. Dope Body
"Lion"  2:24
Natural History
Baltimore, MD

Vehicles were constantly passing though his yard. They chopped down all of the trees and dug an enormous hole in the center of Gargamel’s backyard. Once again, he raced outside and confronted the developers. The fat tourist merely stared at him, and then one of the officers slapped Gargamel in the face, beat him with a club, and ordered that he remain inside his house. Whenever Gargamel went outside, they viewed him as a threat and claimed he was being hostile towards the best interest of the voters. Furthermore, they justified the beating induced by the officers by stating that they had the right to defend themselves.

44. Liars
"Annual Moon Words"  2:37
New York, NY/Los Angeles, CA

As trees were uprooted and taken away to be used for the manufacturing of the furniture store, the remains were disposed of dangerously close to Smurf Village. Gargamel was awarded a small path in which he was permitted to walk through his property (a feat the developers claimed on their website as a generous sacrifice, a compromise, a peaceful resolution). He was en route to visit Smurf Village, but was stopped periodically and questioned by armed officials who had created checkpoints on what was considered his route too. The Smurfs were growing alarmed with the increase in potential harm they were being faced with on a daily basis now.

43. Death Hawks
"Holy Water"  3:26
Death & Decay

The settlers quickly moved through the area, and had even tracked Gargamel’s travel to Smurf Village. Gargamel was in the process of warning Papa Smurf about the land development when the Anti-Smurf intervened. He was shocked that Gargamel talked to little blue creatures, and even more shocked that Papa Smurf was significantly more intelligent than he was. The Anti-Smurf explained to Papa Smurf that this was given to them by God and that the governor of Sri Lanka said they could have it. Fortunately, Smurf Village was the other area that was to remain unscathed. He handed the clipboard to Papa Smurf who reviewed the documents carefully, expressed his unhappiness, asked a series of questions in the fat tourist could not answer effectively, and sought a more just resolution. However, because of this, Papa Smurf was deemed a militant threat.

42. Moonface
"Faraway Lightning"  4:45
With Siinai: Heartbreaking Bravery
Montréal, QC, Canada

In just one day, Smurf Village was transformed into their worst nightmare. The development settlers had the right to defend themselves against the militant Smurfs, and it was obvious that they were probably going to turn hostile and commit atrocious acts of terrorism at any moment now. They had their army build a blockade around Smurf Village and it too was surrounded with barb wire (they did, however, take approximately one fourth of Smurf Village and forced the Smurfs and Smurfettes residing in that area to live in refugee camps elsewhere in the village.) All of the belongings that were in the mushrooms that were confiscated were never returned and eventually destroyed. If a Smurf wished to leave the village to gather Smurfberries for food, the Smurfs were harassed, searched, and sometimes not even permitted to leave.

41. Spacin'
"Oh, Man"  6:48
Deep Thuds
Philadelphia, PA

Life in Occupied Smurf Village was less than desirable. The Smurfs were undecided on how they should handle the situation and frequently held meetings. Many of The Smurfs wanted to leave Smurf Village and seek refuge elsewhere… however, getting out was growing more difficult each day; furthermore, they had no assured place to go as of yet. Some of them wanted to remain because they had been residing here their entire lives, and to give up would be foolish and cowardly. They thought of numerous ways in which they could stand their ground—petitioning the governor did not work, filing an appeal to Sri Lanka was ineffective, and this God who supposedly granted them this land did not even exist. At times, Gargamel was not even allowed to leave his house… they posted flyers in his mailbox stating that he had to be inside by a certain hour or else he would be seen as a target.

40. OFF!
"Harbor Freeway Blues"  1:15
Los Angeles, CA

Frustrations were mounting as The Smurfs were finding it increasingly difficult to continue with their ordinary lives the way they had been accustomed to. Poet Smurf and Poetic Smurfette were out in the forest sitting by a tree, smoking a bowl and conjuring new ideas for their upcoming performance. The occupational authorities seized them and declared that they were trespassing… smoking Smurfberries was also illegal according to their policy. They claimed they did not know they were in any violations, and the guards seized Poetic Smurfette, touched her inappropriately, and placed under arrest—taking her away to prison against Poet Smurf’s pleas. Finally, he insisted that he had enough of this and could no longer live in this fashion. He went to Jokey Smurf’s old house, tied an explosive present to his body, entered the trailer of the foreman overseeing the building development, and detonated it.

39. METZ
"Wet Blanket"  3:54
Toronto, ON, Canada

Word of Poet Smurf’s suicide bombing did not bode well with the settlers. They ambushed Smurf Village with intentions to destroy Jokey Smurf’s mushroom claiming it was being used to harbor terrorists. Not only were they able to successfully disintegrate Jokey’s mushroom, they also destroyed several other mushrooms and killed several civilian Smurfs in the process. The entire section of Smurf Village in which Jokey’s old mushroom was located was confiscated by the occupying authorities and deemed eligible for settlement development—displacing numerous Smurfs. Because the suicide bombing was considered grotesquely immoral, and because the development settlers had the right to defend themselves, they were able to generate even more funding from the tax payers upstate (who, by the way, had only obtained their land in a similar fashion when their God, the great Christopher Columbus, gave it to them). On the land that was confiscated, the mushrooms were demolished, and The Smurfs were removed from their homes, sometimes kicking and screaming on the way out.

38. Billy Woods
"Pompeii"  4:23
History Will Absolve Me
New York, NY

Media propaganda constantly attempts to portray military personnel as heroes, people protecting rights, and all armed conflicts should be supported unconditionally—the law of the land should also be supported unconditionally, even if it goes against everything the individual normally stands for. The leaders, foolish descendents of the first regime, should be supported because they are only trying protect the values of culture (economy)… these so-called leaders are willing to commit crimes against humanity, steal, lie, and destroy their own natural resources in order to stabilize their own personal economy. The soldiers who executed a fleet of Smurfs working on the dam were deemed as heroes who accomplished an important mission to ensure the safety of millions (most had no idea how important the dam was, and only based their opinions by what they saw on TV). Eventually, their crimes will be exposed, and they will claim the same tired cliché, “we were merely following orders.” A day will come when the leaders and the brainwashed youth soldiers will realize that their actions have consequences… all of the massive powers that have ever dwelled on Earth are historically viewed as tyrannical… all occupational aggressors in today’s world will also be viewed as unethical tyrants in the future—the military men who fought to preserve the orders of their leaders will not be recognized as heroes; rather their legacy will be that of brutal, brainless, belligerent sheep who were too stupid to analyze the situation closely—just like the Nazis; just like most Americans; just like everybody else.

37. Lambchop
"Gar"  5:28
Mr. M
Nashville, TN

Although their world would never be the same again, most of The Smurfs attempted to continue with life as they always had and hoped for the best. In return, the occupational settlers were displaying much more kindness than ever—rather than removing Smurfs from their mushrooms with force and assault weapons, they were kindly showing up to the door with eviction notices that allowed them 7 days to be out—it was a token of gratitude the governor displayed with a smile. They were looking at the bright side; whenever a portion of Smurf Village was confiscated for a new settlement, this allowed them to live in closer proximity of one another—even though it was getting over crowded. Perhaps Material Smurfette could adjoin her mall with the new mall and sell some of her products there—nope, she did not follow the same religion as the settlers, and therefore, the land wasn’t given to her… her mall was demolished; Material Smurfette was extremely joyful when she came up with the idea; cried herself to sleep the night her mall was destroyed.

36. Whirr
"Flashback"  4:08
Pipe Dreams
San Francisco, CA

Papa Smurf reflected on all of the turmoil he had ever had to persevere—this one may be the worst. He was still having nightmares about the water rushing in, and periodically checked on the dam to ensure it was still functioning properly. Each time, he was harassed and ordered to leave. This was the only time in his existence in which he and his people had been fenced in with barbed wire; they were also constructing a wall around Smurf Village. The defenseless Smurfs could do nothing but watch as the foundation was laid for the new stores and the new settlements in the all-white suburb that was being erected. Deep down inside, he knew this was never going to last and The Smurfs needed to do something fast in order to survive.

35. Porcelain Raft
"Drifting In And Out"  3:14
Strange Weekend
Rome, Italy/New York, NY

More than ever, Dreamy Smurf and Dreamy Smurfette had aspirations to discover a new world. They arranged plans for the entire Smurf Village to relocate somewhere more suitable to the life of a Smurf, and had these fantastic visions to what the new Village would resemble. Furthermore, since the occupation, their use of mind-altering Smurfogenics increased significantly. On the other hand, they seemed less fazed at times by the oppression; on the other hand, this lack of concern troubled the authorities and they were monitored closely. Even with their mushrooms crumbling and littered with graffiti, they embraced all notions that a new world, someday soon, would alter everything for better and worse—they would have to accept both of them.

34. The Mars Volta
"The Malkin Jewel"  4:45
Los Angeles, CA

Some of the civilians turned to Papa Smurf to invoke some sort of magic potion to resolve the issue. Back in the days when the greatest foe was Gargamel, he concocted a potion that made him the same size as Gargamel. Once again, he utilized this strategy, and this time attempted to engage in negotiations with the fat tourist on an equal level. The new size of Papa Smurf frightened the settlers and they heightened security; Papa Smurf was targeted for assassination. They attempted to detonate an explosive device by means of a drone bomber, but it failed miserably. It did destroy Papa Smurf’s mushroom, and it was raided by the authorities, who attempted to confiscate a majority of his magic potions.

33. A Place to Bury Strangers
"Leaving Tomorrow"  4:08
New York, NY

During the raid, Vicious Vixen Smurfette took matters into her own hands. She led a small militia of her own, an uprising against the occupational forces ensued. Significantly undersized and outnumbered, she led the militia against those attempting to raid Papa Smurf’s mushroom. With the usage of trip ropes, stones, Chuckleberry Smurf’s rifle, and a multitude of other homemade weapons, Vicious Vixen Smurfette was able to stop the insurgency and salvage Papa Smurf’s magic potions. Furthermore, they had an oversized ally in Bigmouth, who was able to fend off many of the occupying soldiers. Despite the small victory though, they were once again ambushed with heavy artillery strikes that killed several of them; they were forced to take refuge at Gargamel’s house.

32. Howler
"Wailing (Making Out)"  2:02
America Give Up
Minneapolis, MN

They were sitting in Gargamel’s living room deciding what to do when Dreamy Smurf blurted out, “Fuck it, let’s just leave.” Everybody looked at him like he was crazy, and he retorted by standing up to prove that he was crazy. Harmony Smurf and Smurfette plugged in their instruments and Dreamy Smurf grabbed the microphone to express his true feelings. It seemed fun and he was even able to convince several other Smurfs this was the ideal life (images on the screen showed that of Dreamy Smurf coinciding with the lyrics of the song—on the cover of magazines, on TV, a girl (Dreamy Smurfette) and a new car, etc.) The goal was to figure out how to make this dream a reality.

31. Sigur Rós
"Ekki Múkk"  7:44
Reykjavík, Iceland

Gargamel looked out the window and then his whole life changed as he saw the most horrific sight imaginable. “No,” he murmured sadly as he tried to maintain his composure. Unfortunately, it was growing increasingly difficult as reality was settling in, and he could no longer contain the tears as he rushed outside. Azrael was lying dead next to the road the settlers had built; they ran him over with a Jeep. Hippy Smurfette was outside next to him, also in a state of extreme remorse, attempting to pull Azrael away from the street. It was a sorrowful moment for everybody, especially Gargamel, who rushed outside to rescue Azrael. He made a series of desperate attempts to revive his best friend (who for many years had been his only friend) but it was no use. They held a funeral outside in the limited area they had remaining in the backyard, and Gargamel could only reflect on all of the wonderful joys he shared together with his cat.

30. Keiji Haino, Stephen O'Malley & Oren Ambarchi
"Not A Joy To Come Closer But So-Called A Sacred Insanity Has Finally Appeared"  9:42
KH: Tokyo/SO: Seattle/OA: Sydney

Some of The Smurfs returned to Smurf Village to gather some of their belongings with diminished hopes that perhaps it had returned to normal. If not, they were prepared to leave the forest and seek refuge elsewhere. However, when they arrived, they discovered several of the mushrooms were on fire. The development settlers had violated numerous international laws and were moving in on the land that was not supposed to be theirs in the pact designed by the governor of Sri Lanka. Not long after they arrived and witnessed the decimation of their land, a demolition crew arrived on the scene to demolish the remainder of Smurf Village. They begged and pleaded with the development settlers but were met with hostility. In turn, they retaliated with more hostility, harsh words, and refused to cooperate—they were not willing to simply withstand watching their village be destroyed by a bunch of government funded scam artists trying to create the ultimate capitalist state. It began as a series of shouting matches and heated arguments until the settlers drew their weapons and aimed them at the unarmed Smurfs. To set a fine example, although nobody knew where it came from, a bullet was fired and Smurfette was shot in the head. They were stunned that these ruthless settlers would resort to this type of injustice as they tended to Smurfette—it was no use, blood was gushing from the bullet hole in her head, she gurgled some blood and died. Distress turned to violent anger for the distraught Smurfs as Hefty Smurf carried Smurfette back to Gargamel’s house. This is when The Smurfs decided more serious action needed to be taken.

29. Dan Deacon
"USA III: Rail"  6:31
Baltimore, MD

He didn’t wish to ever do this, but he felt he had to; and even consoled with the ancient ones and the Great Wizard before doing so. In the very back of his book of potions was a chapter that should never be considered unless under extreme duress. But, this constituted as extreme duress and it was obvious now why the Great Smurf Wizard left Papa Smurf the magical wooden pole. Looking noticeably concerned with his own actions, he concocted that potion that should never be used—the other Smurfs were supportive and risked their lives to gather some of the materials. The bottle was significantly larger than usual, and he did not use very much of it. Gargamel and the other Smurfs and Smurfettes watched as Papa Smurf went outside, sprinkled a few drops of the new potion, waved the wooden pole over the ground, and sat cross-legged in deep meditation chanting some unusual syllables that had to have meant something. Pink fog emerged from the ground, followed by some blue fog… the clouds shifted, the sky changed colors, and then the remarkable miracle happened… Azrael and Smurfette were resurrected from the dead, albeit transformed into something slightly different.

28. Hail Spirit Noir
"Mountain of Horror"  5:14
Thessaloniki, Greece

The construction crews were en route to the site where the new mall and subdivision was being built when a mysterious looking cat was sitting in the middle of the path staring at them. One soldier attempted to stomp at the evil looking cat but Azrael refused to move. He drew his gun and fired a shot at Azrael. Much to their surprise, the cat did not die from the gunshot. Azrael caught the bullet in his mouth, and then sat there calmly chewing up the bullet. Once the bullet was crushed into tiny pieces, Azrael stood up and spit the pieces out at them—except they shot out of his mouth in quick succession like a rapid fire machine gun. Several of the human heroes dropped dead from the gunshots (applause could be heard from the heavens.) Azrael aggressively raced towards them and the remaining survivors turned to run away. After running for a few feet up the path, they were snared in a net that The Smurfs had set. These soldiers and building developers were struggling to get out of the net and even demanded that they be freed immediately while threatening The Smurfs that they were going to suffer for this—many of them even firing weapons from the net at The Smurfs. Papa Smurf waved the pole and the net was set on fire with all of the people trapped inside it. They screamed, panicked, and went into a state of desperation as the flames grew higher and the smoke increasingly thick. All of The Smurfs walked away happily while the human settlers were perishing in flames. They held no concern whatsoever for the settler's well-being; if God had actually given them this land, then surely God would rescue them.

27. Dr. Dog
"Vampire"  4:27
Be the Void
Philadelphia, PA

Although she had returned to the living, Smurfette was not the same loveable Smurfette everybody was accustomed to. She had some sort of darkness surrounding her, and some were saddened by what the transformation had to comprise. There was some sort of a lingering hope that somehow, some way, she would return to her old usual form. Until then, they took in stride the reality of the matter with a bittersweet enjoyment of her new powers. She would never harm any of The Smurfs; they were safe at least. However, Smurfette would fly around at night, sneak up on settlers lurking around in the dark, and sink her large fangs into their neck. Victims were mounting as mutilated dead bodies were being discovered on a daily basis… all with one thing in common, the same holes in their neck. Orders were laid from the commanders to continue with the development of the new mall, but the settlers lived in fear that Vampire Smurfette would strike at any moment—suddenly it was they who had an early curfew.

26. Shit And Shine
"Rodeo Girls"  10:05
Jream Baby Jream
London, England

Papa Smurf knew that he did not have the proper characteristics to lead a battle that would ultimately include a massive degree of violence and bloodshed. Therefore, he nominated Vicious Vixen Smurfette as the leader of the revolt and passed the Great Wizard’s wooden pole down to her. It was the only way possible to stop the settlers from completing the ethnic cleansing on The Smurfs.

She rallied the Smurfs to be uncooperative with the development soldiers and refused to follow any of their orders. As a result, security was heightened and a wall was built around Gargamel’s house (depleting even more of the yard). Vicious Vixen Smurfette revolted against the construction of this wall, and many of The Smurfs fired objects over the wall towards the construction crew’s intent on destroying Smurf Village. They threw rocks at the people, often beaming them in the head, and one of the soldiers needed to get stitches from a direct hit from a stone hurled by Hefty Smurf.

The governor held a meeting with the soldiers, the land developers, and some of the elected officials from upstate that had never been there. They claimed that the unruly Smurfs were terrorists and were actually firing weapons over their borders at the innocent settlers. Also, they claimed that The Smurfs were to blame for any sort of adverse action taken against them because they elected the militant Vicious Vixen Smurfette who was not willing to engage in any sort of decent peace proposals—she felt as if this mall did not have the right to even exist—bitch!

After the articles were released that provided sufficient evidence that The Smurfs were indeed a terrorist organization, the fat tourist was able to enhance his money making scam by generating enough income to purchase unmanned aircrafts that could effectively drop missiles on any target and effectively ensure the safety of the developers. Furthermore, this subdivision was coming along nice and he even used tax payer dollars so that people from Sri Lanka could move into the subdivision and attend the church; chosen people from Sri Lanka—those who were already employed at Pier 1 Imports.

Once again, this proved the fact that if the word “military” still exists, then that means the human race has not advanced and still capable of making stupid decisions. These drone bombers that the governor created were borderline useless. They fired a missile at Gargamel’s house and accidentally struck Gargamel’s neighbor—a family of five operating an organic farm. The fact that these heroes are even in the military in the first place proves how easily misled they are. To their closed little addled minds, the governor could do no wrong and everything worked properly. After the missile struck the unsuspecting organic farm, the heroes raided and finished it off. They demolished the home, destroyed the barn, killed all the livestock, depleted the entire harvest (wasted it essentially—perfectly good organic food, the derelicts didn’t even consume it themselves), and executed every member of the family… then celebrated the victory.

All of the government officials and the settlers assumed the military had set a fine example and did all of the things necessary to ensure the safety of the development committee. Instead, they angered the neighbor’s friends and family members and created an entire new fleet of enemies who despised their mission.

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