2013/12/23

Product Review: Morning Star Bacon Strips

Product Review: Morning Star Bacon Strips

Description: Absolutely creepy looking replica of bacon strips formed from a combination of ingredients that somehow spawned a bizarre color previously unknown to humankind. Word has it on the streets that both Crayola is devising a new crayon color called "Morning Star Bacon" and numerous film studios are planning an upcoming horror movie with the killer modeled after a strip of Morning Star Bacon.

The directions said, in all caps, "DO NOT OVERCOOK." I do not feel these people had the right to tell me what to do and contemplated cooking the Morning Star Bacon Strips for 6.5 hours; followed with a video of me eating it and set of instructions for them:

1. Don't tell me what to do.
2. Don't write in all caps, you STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE!

Upon cooking the creepy looking bacon, the strips were not floating a massive puddle of grease and did require an entire roll of paper towels to absorb all of the grease.

Eating one of these took a great deal of courage and motivation. I went ahead and wrote my will and made some last minute funeral arrangements as I braced myself for the inevitable.

Rating: ****  Despite the ghastly appearance and the fact the manufacturers overstepped their jurisdiction by claiming to be some sort of an authority figure, they actually tasted very well and did have any lingering feeling of heart congestion.  Should have even more appeal for those who prefer their bacon extra crispy.

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