The Shining Page 5


(Press Play to hear the Alternate Soundtrack)

After Jack basically accused Danny of lying, he left the room again and went back out on the town. This time, the Ballroom was a happening spot and full of life and other drunken bastards. And at last, we finally meet Grady! Our introduction of Grady: he spills shit all over Jack’s coat. Perhaps he did this because he had recently heard news that Jack Torrance just tried to fuck his wife after she got out of the bathtub… and his perverted little son got busted trying to peak at her.

Grady displayed absolutely outstanding customer service, even after Jack referred to him as Jeeves. And once again, we have another memorable character. Grady and Lloyd do have many similar characteristics and it is obvious what type of people the hotel might have been interested in hiring… there ain’t no mother fuckers like this currently working at Wal Mart. He was extremely apologetic, cleaned off the spill, and declared that Jack was “the important one… sir.” Furthermore, the way he said “water” was distinctive and I have since found myself saying “water” the same way as Grady.

As Grady was cleaning off Jack’s coat with “a bit of water,” Jack must have figured out that Grady used to be the caretaker and was the famous axe murderer who was discussed in the interview. This had to have been based solely on memorizing his name or having seen photographs because nothing in Grady’s mannerisms indicated that he was an axe murderer. With his speech and consideration to Jack’s apparel, it would be difficult to imagine how Grady spoke to his family during the murder… picturing him swinging the bloody axe is absurd enough. Maybe he tried to clean up the mess in Room 237 with “a bit of water.”

Even more famous from the Grady in the bathroom scene is the line: “You’ve always been the caretaker sir… I know, because I’ve always been here.”

The actual meaning behind this has been widely disputed and has separated families. In fact, there have been two different religions formed with one claiming that Jack was the caretaker and the other who believed Grady was the caretaker. Jihad had been declared, and many believe this has been the cause of many of the terrorist acts that have occurred since. It is an ambiguous statement that more than likely holds a degree of artistic symbolisms more so than the apparent labor dispute of two men arguing which one was the caretaker.

Drawing any sort of actual analysis is a difficult task considering that at this point in the film, both are unreliable narrators. Grady was allegedly dead and had recently butchered his family while Jack was on the verge of losing his sanity as quickly as he lost his tolerance to alcohol; both had previously fucked the same green bitch. Simply put, these are people you are taught not to trust from day one and who the fuck knows which one is lying. As far as a labor dispute is concerned, Jack hadn’t done shit in the entire movie and since he was sick and tired of Wendy’s bullshit, he might have been attempting to pawn his work off on anybody… declared Grady was the caretaker hoping that he would go down into the basement and check the fucking fuses so that he could go back to sleep in the lobby.

Surveys have indicated that the 3rd most frequently fantasized theme appearing out of nowhere is a miracle that mysteriously performs all of the work a person has no desire on completing. This is how the lawnmower was invented.

The person who conducted the initial interview had shown only marginal signs of being dubbed an unreliable narrator. He claimed Grady was the previous caretaker, he’s the boss, and that’s that… Grady was the fucking caretaker at one point and thus when presented with the word “always,” always select false.

Always selecting false is also indicated with always, and therefore one should never select false. When presented with the word “never,” a person should never select true and always select false.

However, whereas many employers fuck shit up royally and mistakenly hire people who frequently call in sick, incompetent at their jobs, and then abruptly quit without notice after a mere two weeks of employment, this asshole repeatedly hires mother fuckers who go on to become axe murderers and chop up their families while on company time. Therefore, the man who conducted the interview is also an unreliable narrator (as is the person who recommended Jack).

That said, it does not matter who the caretaker is. The caretaker is a position that shall always represent brutal violence… the type of violence that can only occur when white people decide that grandiose capitalist monetary assets is far more important than a sacred burial ground; that opting to completely disgrace another culture in order to flaunt luxury shall always bring forth a curse that murders families. “The white man’s burden Lloyd… the white man’s burden.”

On the other hand, this is the ultimate display of job security and what more than likely secured The Overlook Hotel's placement in Forbe's Top 20 Places to Work in America. Most places will fire your ass over something stupid, such as using profanity around a customer. At The Overlook Hotel, you can chop up your whole family while on company property and still keep your job. They won't even fuck with your 401K Plan and still allow you to enjoy all of the benefits the hotel has to offer even after you are dead. Plus, they do not even subject their employees to a drug test.

Grady is a racist. The only black character in this story, sure enough, somebody has to drop racial slurs on him. He could not simply state, “Yo homie, your son and Dick Hallorann are plotting to pull of some serious shit that could totally fuck with us running a train on the green bitch in Room 237.”

Danny was attempting to bring in, “a nigger… a nigger cook.”

This would be an ideal scene for Jack Nicholson to draw influence from Steve Martin as Navin Johnson in The Jerk. After Grady’s spiel, Jack should have replied, “pardon me sir, but you are talking to a nigger cook!”

And then kicked the shit out of Grady right there in the bathroom.

Instead, he was influenced by Grady and decided that maybe he should go ahead and kill Wendy. That is an incredibly difficult decision to finally make and presents greater long-term risks than changing jobs or finally deciding to purchase the Black and Decker Toaster instead of the slightly more expensive General Electric. There are more than likely a set of guidelines to follow when a person finally settles on murdering his/her spouse. Unfortunately, there are no self-help manuals on how to properly complete this task you have set your mind to initiate and the act of chopping up one’s family with an axe is still illegal in several states.

The decision to murder Wendy came after she had read the material he had been “working” on since he came to the hotel. I can somewhat relate to this because often when people read my material, they wish to murder me rather than what happened in The Shining. Perhaps if I tried this approach I might have better results.

Jack’s “story” consisted of one sentence, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” written over and over again, sometimes in bizarre fluctuations with the formatting. The music for this scene drastically intensifies, as does the look of horror on Wendy’s face. Seeing this “novel” is to be viewed as absolutely shocking and horrific. Although on paper the scene itself would not seem that terrifying, in the film it made to be brutally intense.

Rather than sit down with Wendy and subjectively listen to any valuable critique she may wish to offer regarding the wonderful literary piece, Jack automatically assumes that the material is bad and opts to simply go ahead and kill Wendy rather than listen to her imply that plot structure of the tale needed further developing.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people become hostile once they have been proven wrong. Rather than joke about it or apologize, some people become angry and continue to violently confront the issue with the same mindset that made their analysis incorrect in the first place; or they will lie and act as if they meant something else; or they will attempt to justify their actions with even more bullshit.

What we are faced with here is a family, with one member currently employed at the hotel, they are living at the hotel, their only child is suffering some unknown ailment, and it’s fucking snowing hardcore outside. The God damn phone lines are down, there isn’t a fucking Walgreen’s anywhere in sight, and it’s shitty ass 1980 where the internet hasn’t become available to the masses as of yet.

Wendy simply wanted to take Danny to the doctor (apparently that slut in Denver who tended Danny after he fainted in the shitter was unwilling to drive all the way to The Overlook Hotel in a blizzard after the Torrance’s skipped town without paying the doctor bill.) Jack apparently failed to discuss the details of his insurance premium with the man who only hires potential axe murderers, was overly distraught from the last doctor bill, and was so reluctant to have his only child see a doctor that he got up one morning and finally did some work (work being fucking up the phone lines, the radio, and the snow cat.) Therefore, the family was stuck out in the middle of nowhere.

Based on some of the strict standards set by OSHA, which included removing alcohol from the premises, it would seem odd that a child would be permitted on the Hotel grounds for the duration of an entire winter without being in the proximity of a medical facility. The initial tour of the hotel did not reveal the contents of what was inside the hotel’s first-aid kit (assuming these cheap bastards even had one) but it obviously did not have any pills for fucked up little kids who become disoriented and possibly possessed by Satan. (For future reference, I personally have never been possessed by Satan, but I have heard that Benadryl temporarily relieves symptoms of possession so that you can get on with your work day.) Having a child at the hotel is more a liability threat than alcohol.

Upon discovering Wendy reading his artistic piece of epic poetry, Jack sort of went on what some might consider a bit of a tirade. He stalked after Wendy, disgruntled, obviously unhappy with her bitch-like behavior and the way that asshole Danny couldn’t even get through one single winter without acting like the little stupid sissy that he is. In a strange twist of events, Jack had the nerve to inquire to Wendy whether or not she had ever even considered his responsibilities to his job or the fact that he had made a commitment to perform certain duties at the hotel.

Again, this has to even more hostility directed towards an innocent bystander as a confession of being unjustly wrong. Jack’s responsibilities? My ass! Jack hadn’t a done a God damn thing since taking this position at the hotel. In fact, it was Wendy who had done all the work, and she had more a right to be giving this speech to him rather than he be pissed at her. He did, at least, discuss the only bit of work he had done and that was fucking up the radio and the snow cat.

Wendy should have said, “Fuck you! Your responsibilities? Fuck you! You? Worried about getting fired and having a blemish on your employment record? Then why the fuck were you at the bar getting drunk on company time? Huh mother fucker? That is clearly a violation of company policy. Now, you’re going to try and kill some mother fuckers with an axe? After what they clearly told you was a company infraction at the interview… you think that’s going to look better on your record than requesting a few hours off to take your son to the hospital. You irrational mother fucker! I’m going to fucking KILL YOU! I knew I never should have gotten involved with a nigger caretaker!”

Even though Jack had no right whatsoever to be behaving in this manner towards Wendy, this does remain one of the most memorable and even comedic scenes in film history. Many of the lines he said to Wendy are still often referenced to this day. Such as:

“You’ve had your whole fucking life to things over!”

“Hurt you? No, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just going to bash your fucking brains in!”

Also, the mannerism in which he conducts this speech is excellent and vintage Jack Nicholson. In fact, as great of a career as he has had as one of the greatest actors in history, this one scene might go down as arguably his finest moment.

Fortunately for Wendy, she happened to be strolling around the hotel equipped with a baseball bat. Although she never aggressively attacked Jack with the baseball and beat him senselessly, she did use it as an effective means of self-defense. Rather than go after him, she kept backing away, swinging it with just enough force to keep him within striking distance, and appeared deathly afraid. Mind you, this is her husband she is dealing with, and to our knowledge, they had been relatively happily married prior to moving to the hotel.

Finally, she had no choice to but to strike Jack with the baseball bat… and just happened to be once they reached the top of the stairs. It’s rare for a person to ever have to beat their spouse with a baseball, even though 89.6% of the survey participants claimed to have done this exact same feat. (The results of the survey could be construed because many of the women seemed to answer the question ironically, and therefore we will place a +/- 89.6% on the survey results based on potential falsification.)

After she struck him with the bat and sent his ass tumbling down the enormous flight of steps, Wendy pounced on him and dragged his ass into the refrigerator and locked the mother fucker in there. (During the same survey, a whopping 92.3% of the female participants claimed to have done this before, while a staggering 99.6% claimed to have frequently fantasized about it. Also, 71.4% of the male participants checked the box indicating “I have some bitch locked in my freezer right now.” Assuming the results of this survey are accurate, the negative pessimist might wallow in fear about one day getting locked in a freezer while the opportunist would view “freezer sales” as a potential market for prosperity and a means to generate a better job market in this struggling economy.)

Locking Jack in the freezer was, in terms of reasonable action, the best possible decision. Killing Jack would not have been the proper choice. 1.) Because they had been happily married and this might be a life enduring decision that should not be considered too hastily… a simple divorce and a restraining order might be better in the long run. 2.) Because it was snowing, the radio was out, and there was no contact with the human race… the doctor would not even come over to visit an obviously sick child. Therefore, if she killed Jack now, not only would it make a huge mess, but it is possible that he would start stinking before he could be properly disposed.

Unlike the time in which I was locked in a freezer by some woman having a psychotic episode, lots of shit happened while Jack was locked in the freezer.

To begin, Dick Hallorann had knowledge as to what was happening. He was all the way in Miami for the winter when Danny/Tony was attempting to bring forth “the nigger cook” to foil the plot of the caretaker at The Overlook Hotel. Once again, I feel we are subjected to borderline tasteless racial humor directed towards the only black character in the story. When we next see Dick, he is lying in bed stricken with fear as to what may be happening at The Hotel. Above the walls, on both the head and foot of his bed, are photographs of stark naked black women with large enormous afros.

While this might be moderately funny when taken lightly with a sense of humor, I am on the fence as to whether or not this should be considered offensive. I have certain rules and restrictions in which I feel have to be followed in order justify racial humor. To begin, it cannot be anything that is downright degrading or demoralizing or attempts to justify any mistreatment of minorities or implies that any race is not equal in any way shape or form. These photos on the wall are not horrendous in that manner and I will not even affiliate myself with anything of that magnitude.

However, I do not feel there is enough positive representation in order to make these types of references. Again, Dick Hallorann is the only black character in the story. I do not necessarily feel that either Stanley Kubrick or Stephen King is a racist person, and I believe that should some sort of racial confrontation occur, that they would definitely not take the side of the belligerent racist and stand up against racial injustice, but, there needed to be significantly more minorities represented without any sort of stereotypes whatsoever before resorting to racial humor (even though harmless) directed towards the only black character, who also happens to be the only reliable character and the potential “Christ-like” figure.

Regardless, Dick takes his job seriously, to the extreme that he not only thinks about it while on vacation, but even calls to check in to how things are going. The hiring committee showed no such concern.

Calling your job while on vacation is considered an odd attribute, by the way.

Dick was so concerned with his job that he not only called other people near The Hotel, but also flew all the way to Colorado to ensure that things were operating smoothly. Mind you, he paid for these expenses out of his own pocket and it is doubtful that he would ever be reimbursed by the Human Resources Department at The Overlook Hotel. The amount of employees who are willing to show this type of dedication these days is rare and less than 3% of the employees at Kentucky Fried Chicken had ever shortened their vacation in order to ensure the franchise was operating smoothly in their absence (Jo-Ann Fabrics reported a “0” and claimed that such a thing had never happened.)

Also while Jack was locked in the freezer, Danny entered the room seeming possessed and wrote the word “REDRUM” on the wall in red lipstick. Apparently Danny was no longer present and Tony had completely taken over him. This is another famous scene that is often referenced and considered one of the scariest scenes in film history… even more terrifying when Wendy wakes up and discovers the writing on the wall, which now spells “MURDER” when viewed in the mirror. The intensity is further heightened with Danny’s creepy voice repeating the word “red rum” over and over again.

In that same survey, I was the only person who had confessed to ever have previously entering a room in which a woman was sleeping and writing “REDRUM” on her wall with lipstick. Consequentially, I was struck with a baseball bat and locked in a freezer. However, I was in the minority and cannot make any claims whatsoever as to having locked another person in a freezer ever in my entire life. Perhaps these are skills that I need to work on and this offers a possible explanation as to how everything went wrong in my life.

Due to the fact that he had vandalized the hotel walls and ruined a perfectly good tube of lipstick, Wendy should have busted Danny’s ass with the hairbrush located on the vanity and sent his little monkey ass down in the freezer to think about what he had just done. Then, he too would have had his whole fucking life to think things over. Or, maybe he and his father could have some bonding time and possibly compare notes with their shared experience with the green woman in Room 237.

Unlike when I was locked in the freezer, people came to visit Jack during his sentencing. The visit wasn’t exactly heartwarming as Grady was busting Jack’s balls hardcore for having had his ass kicked by his wife and currently locked in the freezer. Rather than try the same shit he pulled with Wendy, the sad pity-seeking “I love you honey, I’m hurt real real bad” bullshit, he attempted to convey the exact same crap he pulled in the interview. He told Grady that this wasn’t that bad of a situation and that he could take of this matter the moment he was released from the compartment. And, the ever impressionable Grady let his ass out… yet another astounding display of excellent customer service.

All Sections Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal



1. Kryzysztof Penderecki
"The Awakening of Jacob"  7:32
The Shining Soundtrack

2. Kalacakra
"Naerby Shiras"  9:21
Crawling to Lhasa

3. Flying Saucer Attack
"Here I Am"  6:37

4. Pekka Pohjola
"Paantaivuttelunseuraukset.Osa"  4:31
Keesojen Lehto

5. Einsturzende Neubauten
"Abfackein!"  3:30
Drawings Of Patient O.T.

6. Lard Free
"Even Silence Stops When Trains Come"  4:29
I'm Around About Midnight

7. Parasites Of The Western World
"Funeral For A Mouse"  7:43
Parasites Of The Western World

8. Yana Dyagileva
"От Большого Ума"  3:42
Не положено!

9. P-Model
"Sophisticated"  4:23
In A Model Room

10. Mouse on Mars
"Heizchase Nailway"  5:22

11. Confuse
"Nuclear Poisoning"  3:05

12. Kryzysztof Penderecki
"De Natura Sonoris No. 1"  7:11
The Shining Soundtrack

13. The Residents
"Festival of Death"  10:25

14. Bluebottle Kiss
"Underneath the Pier"  8:41
Come Across

15. Faust
"Krautrock"  11:49
Faust IV

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