2013/06/06

The Shining Page 4

INDECENT INTERPRETATION OF THE SHINING
PART IV: FORBIDDEN BOOZE & THE SHINING PORNO


(Press Play to hear the Alternate Soundtrack)



The movie gradually delved into extreme eeriness, slowly creeping under the viewer’s skin. The masterful brilliance of this lingering deployment can also be credited to the 3rd most important irreplaceable element of the film… the film’s soundtrack. Every aspect of this movie is greatly intensified with the film score. Furthermore, viewing it in the theater, with an incredible surround-sound stereo system, makes the film all the more better. It consists primarily of creepy sounds rather than actual music. Each sound highlights every scene at the perfectly appropriate precise moment. This is easily one of the best soundtracks in film history.

Even though he claimed it would never happen to him, Jack began losing his mind at The Overlook Hotel. Being as this has been a repeated problem, you would think that perhaps the hotel would equip the hotel’s medicine cabinet with the appropriate pills to remedy this issue. They could have at least left a small bag of the green tobacco to satisfy the boredom. Instead, they left nothing and shit began sliding downhill fast.

It began unfolding when Wendy disturbed him while he was writing in the lobby. She had entered the room with kind intentions, seemed happy, and was just being nice… even offered to make him sandwiches later. Rather than seem happy with this display of kindness, Jack snapped at her in a bizarre manner and Jack Nicholson pulled of this scene brilliantly.

When analyzing this scene from a realistic perspective, I personally feel that Jack Torrance over-reacted (even though I found the scene amusing). He definitely did not handle the situation properly and spoke to his wife in a manner that was completely inconsiderate.

As a writer myself, I know how maddening it is to be disturbed by anyone while trying to concentrate… and everything he said about the train of thought was 100% accurate. However, the guilty feeling of saying harsh words to a loved one simply trying to be nice is the worst feeling on Earth. I once said something mean to a past girlfriend who was trying to be nice and still haven’t forgiven myself for it (and I wasn’t nearly as harsh as Jack Torrance); it’s happened to me as well (somebody being mean to me when I am merely trying to be kind and considerate) and it sucks. Whereas I merely told my then girlfriend that I couldn’t wait for her to start school so that I could have some time alone, Jack to Wendy to “get the fuck out of here” in the cruelest manner possible.

Even though I found this to be excessively mean to his wife, I still wish to memorize this entire speech and use it on some of the bums around Asheville who constantly disturb me while I am walking down the street, wearing headphones, in deep thought, just to interrupt me and ask if I could do them a favor and help them out with $5 so they can get a beer (my ass is broke, earning $7.55 an hour, and I can’t even afford to buy myself a $2.25 beer).

Wendy had to have been psychologically distressed by that form of verbal abuse. By all means, after that shit, she had the right to be the one to go completely insane. Should I have ever told a woman to “get the fuck out of here” the way Jack told Wendy, I would have had the living shit beat out of me with a different ashtray than what the last person used. However, as she always did in the past, Wendy demonstrated “the right thing.” She walked away calmly without holding too much of a grudge. Some women would have spit coffee all over his papers just to be a dick.

INTERRUPTION!!!!

What perfect timing for this. It should be known that I am writing this in a coffee shop and have some friends seated next to me inquiring what I am writing about. After I told them, a discussion emerged, and I had to talk about this out loud while writing it on my computer. Apparently, one of my friends disagrees with my analysis.

“Scatman Crothers is the pure being of the story. He represents the Christ-like figure and Jack Nicholson is the representation of Satan. It’s pretty self-explanatory… yours is just stupid.”

No shit! This is not intended to be taken seriously!

On that note, it is common for film-makers in the Adult Film Industry to make pornographic parodies of existing films such as Snow White and The Seven Dwarves, The Wizard of Oz, Wonder Woman, or Mars Attacks. The Shining would make an interesting porno movie, although it would have to contain elements of pedophilia.

**** WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREMELY SICK HUMOR!!!****

When the Grady girls appeared and said, “come and play with us Danny,” that would have been the ideal time for him to lose his virginity. I mean, what the fuck else was he doing besides riding around on his big wheel and gulping down chocolate ice cream (that portion of his virginity was lost during the film’s onset.) While the thought of this is sick and demented, there is also some prestige associated with losing one’s virginity by means of a threesome. Furthermore, the killings took place years ago, so I am certain they are over the age of 18 by now. The scenes could have even escalated into 4-somes involving Tony by means of Danny wiggling his index finger and saying cheesy porno lines in the demented voice. Wendy could have even gotten involved: her face buried in the muff of one of the Grady girls and Danny’s buried in the other… the loser would have to keep America clean.



All of this could be heightened with one of my favorite scenes in history… The “Over” Scene.

Once again, Wendy was the one performing all of the maintenance duties while Jack was sitting around doing nothing. The phone lines had died and Wendy needed to resort to utilizing the old fashioned radio in order to communicate with the police. I am not positive that I would have viewed this as a necessity should I be in the same situation and questioned just who in the fuck her ass was calling at that hour. Was she having an affair? To me, this would have been a legitimate excuse for not calling anybody; nobody ever calls me anyway, so fuck it. I sure as fuck have no desire to chat with, of all people, the God damn police... I try to avoid those mother fuckers.

Kubrick put forth the effort to not only include this scene in the movie, but to ascertain that each sentence was concluded with “over.” The word “over” is said repeatedly throughout this entire sequence of monologue.

Every time I watch The Shining, the following day, I find myself concluding every sentence in ordinary conversation with “over.” Based on my own personal experience, I have found that concluding each sentence with “over” in regular conversation often results in whoever I am speaking with to eventually behave like Jack Torrance. In fact, one woman chased me into the bathroom with an axe just for ending all of my sentences with “over.” This may have been what pushed Jack over the edge of sanity.

Also, this dialogue piece creates intriguing possibilities for even more tasteless absurdities involving the aforementioned The Shining porno movie.

“Oh Jack, I think I’m going to cum… over.”

“Wendy! You’ve had your whole fucking life to cum… over.”

This would be absolutely appropriate when having Skype sex with someone. The next time I have sex, (which at this rate should be around June of 2018) if the woman requests that I talk dirty to her, she can expect a series of phrases ending with “over” and the charade will end with “over and out.” More than likely, that will be the last time I am ever seen or heard from again.

The next time Wendy was performing all of the maintenance duties, down in the basement checking the fuses, Jack’s monkey ass was upstairs sound asleep… hell of a worker this guy is. All the way from the basement of the humongous luxurious hotel, his fucking ass was heard moaning and groaning about something. Like a good loving wife seemingly not bitter about the whole “get the fuck out of here” debacle, Wendy ran upstairs to ensure of his safety. There was Jack, sleeping on the damn table... and Wendy dangerously woke his ass up—there have been reports of people being struck by mother fuckers having nightmares.

After being abruptly awakened from his nightmare, Jack stupidly related the details of the dream he had.

“It was the worst dream that I ever had. I dreamt that I murdered you and Danny… that I chopped you up into tiny pieces with an axe.”

Once again, I was inspired by this movie and wished to enact some of the film’s sequences in daily life. Now, I wish to approach random women that I see:

“I had a dream about you the other night.”

“Oh really, what was it about?”

“I dreamt that I chopped you up with an axe.” 

After saying this, I intend to awkwardly stand in her presence, grinning, as if the woman should be flattered. This will be the first conversation that I finally have with Brittney and Megan, who may have a story written about them soon.

All of this will come to play a huge factor in the upcoming scenes, which may indicate that Jack has The Shining as well.

The timing of this nightmare could not have been more perfect. Upon revealing the information regarding the dream, Danny coincidentally appeared in the corridor, standing silently, sucking his thumb, having suffered a seemingly serious injury. Once Wendy realized that Danny was injured, she damn near shit herself and immediately accused Jack of abusing him.

She did not display this type of emotion when Danny had previously fainted in the shitter, and we have to wonder if she suspected Jack of playing a role in that as well. It’s a bit odd that she instantly assumed Jack was guilty culprit who had inflicted the injury immediately upon noticing it and I found that to be a harsh accusation. Furthermore, she did not even question the incident appropriately and immediately stormed out of the room with Danny. Was the real side of Wendy that had not been presented in the picture yet? How often had this occurred in the past?

Once again, I was inspired by The Shining. From here on out, whenever I see a child fall down in the grocery store, I am immediately going to overreact and accuse the father of foul play and abuse… the exact same way as Wendy. “You did this to him, didn’t you? Didn’t you!”

Suffering from the same distraught feelings that Wendy more than likely endured after being told to get the fuck out of the lobby (it’s nice how these two talk to each other), Jack angrily stalked around the hotel while making weird hand gestures that only Jack Nicholson could pull off effectively. Like so many other people do when they are disturbed, Jack headed to the bar which supposedly did not contain any liquor. But, Lloyd appeared… God damn mother fucking Lloyd!

This brings us to yet another scene that was written as ordinary conversation, but Kubrick and company created cinematic brilliance.

For starters, Lloyd is a reference-able character. As a former bartender (and soon-to-be bartender again as soon as I land a decent job), I have a tendency to pay close to attention to other bartenders and the mannerisms they display. Everything about Lloyd is memorable… his demeanor, his uniform, and his overall handling of the conversation. I have since altered my resume and suggested to potential employers that I have modeled myself after Lloyd from The Shining, who is my hero and role model.

In my opinion, Jack was not very polite to Lloyd. The way he treated Lloyd made me somewhat happy that I was currently away from bartending.

My guess is that this exact conversation between Lloyd and Jack actually took place somewhere (anywhere) for what was said was basic shit people relate to bartenders. However, due to the presence of Lloyd and Jack Nicholson, it carried significantly more appeal. Exchange Jack Nicholson for anybody on else on Earth, and the effects of scene would be altered significantly.

A multitude of the upcoming material will contradict one another severely.

Jack did not seem at all disturbed by Lloyd’s presence or the fact that alcohol was now present on the premises. If Jack was even somewhat of a responsible employee, he would have realized that Lloyd’s presence alone was fucking with the insurance rates and asked him to leave due to the fact that his ass was a huge liability. The mother fucker’s job was in severe jeopardy and all he did was sit around downing shots of whiskey without even paying for them. Technically, Jack could have been fired for a lot reasons in just that one scene, drunkenness, stealing… not to mention the fact that he hadn’t done shit around the hotel since he had been there.

Two creepy things happen at once and neither party seemed to even the slightest bit flustered by the ordeal. First, Lloyd and his massive quantities of booze just magically appeared out of nowhere. It should not come as too much of a surprise for Jack to not be bothered by this because it is extremely common for people to fantasize about booze magically appearing out of nowhere. The only thing people fantasize more frequently about appearing out of nowhere is…

The other disturbing aspect is that Jack knew Lloyd’s name without a proper introduction. This annoys the living shit out of me and I can’t stand it when it happens… which is way too frequently. When people call me by my name and I do not know their name, it creeps me out. In fact, I do not like people knowing my name period… especially when I am not the primary source in which this information had been conveyed.

In fact, I was recently thrown out of my favorite bar the other night for what I considered something stupid; and it was a complete act of injustice. (FYI—I wasn’t even inside the bar when I was thrown out—I was outside, attempting to flick a cigarette butt over a stop light… and she told my ass not to come back in for flicking a cigarette butt over a stop light (she claimed that I was playing in the road and a threat to be struck by a speeding vehicle (there was not a car anywhere in sight (BTW- I like the band Sunn O)))).))))

Anyhow, I was more disturbed with the whole ordeal that she knew my name despite the fact that I had never really spoke to her. She was like, “Tony! Get out of the road!” Based on our “conversation” she should have assumed that my name was “my I pretty please have a Pabst Blue Ribbon in a bottle please.” However, being as I do not even drink that much, there was no reason for her to ever even remember me, let alone know my name.

(Actually, I was more disturbed with the fact that I had been singled out in this process (there were numerous other people outside also attempting to flick a cigarette butt over the stop light (she didn’t say shit to them (she knew them personally too (BTW-when pronouncing Sunn O))), it is merely pronounced “Sun” and the O))) represents feedback (that’s why they call themselves Sunn O))).))))))

Poor Lloyd’s fucking ass can’t even be dead at a desolate grand luxurious hotel without mother fuckers recognizing him. It could be possible that Jack had no fucking clue what the fuck he was even talking about and Lloyd’s real name is actually Herbie. After all, the mother fucker would later refer to Grady as “Jeeves.” Jack could have just been drunk off his ass because he hadn’t had a drink in 5 months—which really isn’t that long of a time. Who knows what the fuck would have happened if Lloyd showed up with a bag of weed.

Lloyd had every right in the world to bitch-slap Jack’s fucking ass right out of that fucking bar stool. He should have been like: SLAP! “Who the fuck’s Lloyd mother fucker! The name’s Herbie! You sorry sack of shit!” Jack didn’t even have any money, so he obviously wasn’t going to leave a tip.

You know how Lloyd knew of Jack? From Danny. That little son-of-a-bitch had been showing up at the bar every God damn night, and Lloyd served his ass straight whiskey without even carding him. What are you going to do? Arrest Lloyd? Danny just showed up one night and asked “what do you got on tap?”

“Well sir,” said Lloyd all professionally and shit, “whatever you like sir.”

Danny got so fucking drunk he ended up in Room 237 shacked up with the Grady girls… that’s good preparation for the future.

… The only thing more frequently fantasized about appearing out of nowhere is a hot babe. This pretty much defines my current sex life.

First Wendy showed up at the bar (Lloyd bailed the fuck immediately as soon as her ass showed up—smart man.) Suspicion of Jack abusing Danny quickly subsided as she informed Jack that there was a crazy woman in the hotel and she was the one who had injured Danny. Yes, this took place in Room 237.

Nonetheless, Jack entered Room 237 to investigate the matter. Mind you, for all we knew, Jack had no knowledge of Room 237. Once he entered the room, an oddly attractive naked woman… yet another brilliant Kubrick creation for her beauty was atypical.

This woman had supposedly just assaulted his only son. However, Jack never even questioned her about the crime. Instead, mother fucker went right to work. He eagerly approached her, made all the first moves, and subsequently took all the steps necessary to wear that ass out right there in Room 237. It was the first bit of work he had tried to accomplish since taking the position at the hotel.

Imagine wearing this ass out every night.
Imagine if you will, fucking Wendy every single day. You have to wonder how consecutive days he woke up next to her before that pussy finally got old. Then, you have to wonder how long Jack had been burnt out on having sex with Wendy. They didn’t fuck one time in the whole movie… never even displayed any intimacy. Ward fucked June more frequently in Leave it to Beaver than Jack and Wendy did it in The Shining.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, it had to occur to Jack that he was pursuing his own son’s sloppy seconds. Or, maybe he was angry that Danny was not as obedient as, say, me when I’m drunk. A woman this attractive should never have to use excessive force, even at Danny’s age… which is never determined.

How the fuck old is this little shithead anyway? There are numerous inconsistencies regarding his age. 1.) Why the fuck ain’t this little bastard in school? At times, he shows some signs of maturity, but other times he acts like a fucking sissy. When he was playing around earlier, he risked waking up his psychotic father in order to retrieve his God damn fire engine… and proceeded to play with it like some stupid faggot when his bitch ass needed to be in the game’s room practicing playing darts… because the mother fucker SUCKED at darts… that’s why his bitch ass can’t get no pussy.

I bet that shit face Tony sucked at darts too. What a couple of fuck wads these two are!

Jack’s dream fantasy with a mysterious hot babe didn’t last long. No, not because he premature ejaculated and creamed in his pants… but because the bitch turned green… and moldy… and scaly and shit… she laughed like a demon. Like a God damn little pansy, bitch ass Jack turned around and ran out of the room.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Women laugh like that all the time when they see my puny ass little dick. If I let that be a distraction, I’d never get laid. Furthermore, at my scrawny little 125 pound ass, running away or trying to fight back would not have done any good whatsoever. I know to simply lie on the bed and cooperate, while thinking of an excuse what to say in case somebody finds out about it.

Ideally, Lloyd would have shown up in the room with a shit ton of booze, maybe even some pot, and a box of condoms made from the same material used to manufacture radiation suits. Jack should have simply downed a few shots of The Knot, closed the door, and fucked her. Not too many can boast having had sex with a mysterious green chick who just happened to magically appear in the bathtub. Hell, he had just made out with her while she was tall, skinny, and hot. At bare minimum, that should have at least provided enough masturbation material to get him through the entire month… including a 10 minute quickie with her after she had turned green.

This would have been an ideal time for Jack to a lesson from his Easy Rider counterpart. Just think if once she turned green, Dennis Hopper as Frank Booth from Blue Velvet entered the room and declared, “Let’s fuck! I’ll fuck anything that moves!”



Then, he went back to Wendy and lied about everything. If he had played his cards right, he could have worked out a threesome in Room 237… which would have satisfied another recurring fantasy assuming Wendy’s ass didn’t turn green too.

We might be able to assume this was Grady’s wife… although after seeing Grady, it is more than likely that the bitch was green to begin with because this stupid mother fucker could never land a hot chick resembling the one who came out of the bathtub.




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All Sections Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal


©2013

SECTION IV SOUNDTRACK LISTING:


1. Black Sabbath
"Black Sabbath"  6:20
Black Sabbath
1970

2. Bela Bartok
"Music for Strings, Percussion and Celesta III"  6:18
The Shining Soundtrack
1980

3. Pere Ubu
"Codex"  4:59
Dub Housing
1978

4. D.N.A.
"Not Moving"  2:40
No New York
1978

5. This Heat
"Not Waving"  7:26
This Heat
1979

6. Swans
"The Beautiful Days"  7:49
Soundtracks For The Blind
1996

7. Morente & Lagartija Nick
"Ciudad Sin Sueño"  5:47
Omega
1996

8. Unrest, Work & Play
"Folk"  3:16
Informs
1984

9. Renaldo and the Loaf
"Metro Stomp"  3:08
Renaldo and the Loaf Play Struve' and Sneff
1979

10. Ray Noble & His Orchestra
"It's All Forgotten Now"  3:23
The Shining Soundtrack
1980

11. Ennio Morricone
"Magic And Ecstasy"  3:05
Exorcist II: The Heretic
1977

12. Black Tape For A Blue Girl
"The Christ In The Desert"  6:30
This Lush Garden Within
1993

13. Pink Floyd
"The Grand Vizier's Garden Party, Pt. 1: Entrance"  5:00
Ummagumma
1969

14. Eleni Karaindrou
"Autoshediasmos sta dyo Themata"  8:02
Ο μελισσοκόμος
1986

15. Sunn O)))
"Rabbits' Revenge"  14:01
OO Void
2000

16. Mogwai
"Like Herod"  11:40
Young Team
1997

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