CHRISTMAS VACATION: CONFESSIONS OF A CONFUSED DOUCHE
SECTION TWO: CINCINNATI, OHIO
Chapter IX: The Jennylou Nightmare
Ever since I was a child, I have had recurring dreams about being murdered. In fact, I was convinced that I was ultimately going to die on August 21, 2012 based on a series of prophetic visions I’ve had since childhood. Normally when I am killed, it is generally by means of gunshot, often conducted by some authoritative figure, in a time when I am trying to take cover or remain hidden. I am found, and I am killed.
As a result, in the real world, I believe that I have died repeatedly. And I will die again numerous times before it is all said and done; but I will never die completely because I have never eaten coleslaw. However, each day I anticipate that I will die at any given moment, even though I am dead… I died several years ago, and several years after that… yet I remain immortal because the fatal element of The Universe commonly known as coleslaw has not been ingested into my mind, body, or soul. That I shall live forever… and die every day in the process.
One of the movies we watched was Drive starring Ryan Gosling. This was a great movie, but it was more violent than I expected. This is not a bad thing for I actually like violent, disturbing movies. I was just taken aback because I had no awareness that this movie was supposed to be violent (I saw Pan’s Labyrinth at the theater thinking that it was rated G… I loved Pan’s Labyrinth.)
I am not the squeamish type at all and in no way sensitive to violence in movies. On a scale of 1 to 10, I rated Drive a solid 9. However, that was the first time in my life I had a nightmare induced from watching a movie. I dreamt that night that I was filming a movie and my ex-girlfriend Jen agreed to play in one of the scenes. It was a comedic scene and she was being silly (like she acted often) while playing the scene. However, somebody accidentally shot her in the face with a rifle and killed her on the set.
Not only did it jolt me from my sleep, but the image disturbed me the whole next couple of days. This was yet another circumstance beyond reasonable control that affected my otherwise unblemished moment delegated for immaculate purification. Rather than participate in a once-in-a-lifetime moment that could have transcended all of us into another time of superlative enchantment, I wondered if Jen was actually dead. Because of one dream, instead of feeling joy, I was stricken with fear. And then, I wondered if I was dead; and then, I died again.
Surveys have shown that happy loving couples have experienced unexpected turmoil based on a single dream that one of the lovers cheated on the other. Those dreams are commonly perceived as the 2nd worst, but have the #1 most adverse side-effect. I was once abused by a past lover because she had a dream that I fucked one of her friends. In my humble opinion, I felt that I should have been awarded a threesome with her and her friend because I had already endured the punishment… and that was yet another time in which I was killed.
There have been books written extensively on the subject of dream interpretation. I’ve read into some of them, and attempt to conclude some meaning to memorable dreams. Instead of satisfying myself with some conclusion that it meant something totally irrelevant to The Grand Scheme of Things, I was forced yet again to encumber a regretful lamentation I would assume forget.
Jen and I broke up over the holidays in 2010 while both of us were visiting our families (we weren’t even together in person at the time we broke up)… and I’ve spent a good portion of the past two years harshly criticizing myself about that. I partly interpreted the dream that it was I who killed Jen. But, she texted me the next day out of the blue, so I obviously didn’t kill her that bad. I think the only person I killed after that break-up was myself, and this has been longest extent of time in which I have been deceased. The dream would have been easier to withstand if I were the one who was killed.
Index: Chapter List
Chapter 9 Soundtrack Listing:1. Kid Silver
"Racing Daylight" 4:49
Dead City Sunbeams
"The Drowning End" 5:03
The Clever North Wind
3. Harry Nilsson
"Life Line" 2:22
4. Mott the Hoople
5. Ace Frehley
"Into the Night" 4:14
6. Alice Cooper
"Welcome To My Nightmare" 5:21
Welcome To My Nightmare
7. Renaldo And The Loaf
"Ow! Stew The Red Shoe" 3:27
Songs For Swinging Larvae
"Naerby Shiras" 9:21
Crawling to Lhasa
9. Candy Bars
"Enough to Choke a Cold Air" 4:53
On Cutting Ti-Gers in Half and Understanding Narravation
10. The Doors
"The End" 11:42
All Sections Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal
Gunman Image By Ben Barry; shared from Design For Fun
Bottom image By Bryce Edsall; shared from Trendhunter.