2013/02/23

Chapter 40: Sleeping with Freaks on the Bus

CHRISTMAS VACATION: CONFESSIONS OF A CONFUSED DOUCHE


SECTION V: THE LONG BUS RIDE HOME WITH TOO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT





Chapter XL: Sleeping with Freaks on the Bus



Nashville had by far the sketchiest bus station in history. It was jam packed crowded and I had to walk through a maze of people just to get to may gate. This proved even more difficult while carrying all my luggage and it was getting heavier for it was now 2:13 in the morning. The people here were even more irritating as many of them were wearing cowboy hats and shit. There is absolutely nothing sexy about a cowboy hat and I consider attraction to the cowboy image as an automatic deal breaker. I would easily rather get beat down and locked in a closet than hear a woman say any cowboy looking mother fucker is hot.

The shit they talked about was complete non-sense too. I hated everything about this bus station. If I had to fill out a customer survey card, I would have selected "poor" for every aspect, including the vending machines that I never even used.

I questioned how I had been reduced to traveling by means of overnight Greyhound Bus. Things got a little out of control with not having a car or a driver’s license or a job with just few personal belongings, unsure if I even belong anywhere in this world. My credit rating is completely shot, and I do not even have a credit card. The worst thing about me having bad credit was that I didn't even have any of the items I supposedly owed money for; a major portion was because of an ex who filed bankruptcy and they came after me for being a co-signer. I supposedly owed the IRS money for a government I didn't even support, some banks had charged me unjust excessive overdraft fees, there’s an issue involving Cincinnati State where I was overcharged in error, and two issues (Roadrunner Internet and T-Mobil) where I was charged for items that never operated properly (I will never pay those; the internet did not work one time and when I called about it, the woman was rude to me, the service installer could not identify the problem, and returned all of the supplies—yet I was supposed to pay for 2 months of service—fuck these people.) I believe I have a warrant for my arrest in North Carolina involving a traffic violation in which I exceeded the speed limit for 15 seconds at the onset of riding down the steep slope of a mountain. The one that is my fault, I have defaulted on my student loans because the economy collapsed right after I graduated and I never obtained a decent paying job; I've been struggling to scrape by ever since graduation.

All of this makes way for a pretty messy life, and I wondered how it got this way. To make matters worse, there’s not even one single woman remotely interested in me and I do not have a best friend (I am not anybody’s best friend.) I’m sure that if I sat around and thought about it more, there would be numerous other things causing major turmoil. Some people have complained about the way I smell, and the way I look really repels people. Whenever I walk into anywhere, people roll their eyes and think out loud, “oh great, he’s here.” Most people feel their day is completely ruined the moment I walk into the door.

Truth be known, things were never any good. New Castle not only sucked, but after my parents were divorced, our house was the messiest house I had ever seen even to this date. It was only Tim, my dad, and me, and none of us cleaned the house. We were young, my dad was always working, and I don’t even think we had cleaning products… the dishes were not done for years and we ate off paper plates. It stunk, it was fucking gross, and I hate that part of my life.

Things never fully improved. In a nutshell, I was kicked out of school, forced to relocate to Cincinnati, and was always in trouble there. I got arrested a lot as a teenager and was even in a jail riot. I also briefly lived in a house infested with fleas. One of my exes was the biggest slobs on Earth, and that living environment was almost as messy as the house in New Castle. I was working two jobs and going to school full-time, there was no way that I was going to dedicate all my free-time cleaning up after her… instead, I divorced her. Divorce sucked. Nothing I owned worked properly and that was frustrating. I moved to Austin with a girl and that failed. My car got totaled and it wasn't my fault, and then was screwed over by her insurance company. My replacement car had a massive hole in the floorboard, a busted windshield, died at the most inconvenient of times, and the driver’s door wouldn't shut while the passenger door wouldn't open… there were numerous disasters with that car… there have been numerous disasters everywhere. Nothing ever worked out right, and it’s becoming increasingly clear that it never will. Sometimes, I hate my whole life; I need to change everything. This current version of me has to vanish. Any person who wants to steal my identity can have it.

It's because my timing has always been off; I've never been in the right place at the right time- usually the wrong place at the wrong time. Most of the traffic lights I approach immediately turn from yellow to red right as I get there. I am constantly being stalled or delayed for what seems like no reason at all. This was offset by the moment in which I should have died. I had blood drawn from my arm once and the pain was excruciating. Later that day, I ate at Skyline Chili, and right as I was pulling out, my arm began throbbing with intense pain... I had to stop the car temporarily and coax it to work properly. Just before I arrived to the stop sign, a car sideswiped another car, and the vehicle lost control, plowed down the stop sign, and smashed into a brick wall. Had my arm have not painfully throbbed when it did, I would have been stopped at that now demolished stop sign at that precise moment and that would have been the end. Now, there appears to be some sort of a spiritual reason as to why I must carry out the remainder of my death sentence. Neither of the drivers from the accident were seriously injured.

All I wanted to do was sleep. The horrors of the bus depot in Nashville put Amityville to shame. I’m surprise there wasn't blood flowing out of the toilet. Actually, there might have been because the bathrooms were closed. I never had a sister, but something about Tennessee made wished that I did; then I would have kids and somebody to raise a family with.

Nashville to Louisville was the longest part of the trip and the overnight session. This was where I figured to sleep on the bus. Ideally, I would be seated next to the imaginary girlfriend I've been dating for the past several years and my entire life would suddenly be trouble free. She would put her arm around me, comfort me, call me baby, and I would rest my head on her bosom while we snuggled; she would caress my leg while I would rubbed her perfectly shaped body until I fell sound asleep in her arms with my hand down her pants.

Instead, I had to sit next to some fucking weirdo who kept staring at me the whole time. Furthermore, as I was about to sit down, he shifted in his seat so that his ass was now taking up half of my seat. What a fucking obnoxious creep this guy was. I was 100% convinced that he was going to try something on me. As he slept on the bus, he kept scooting closer towards me and brushing his ass against me. Somebody did caress my leg all right, except it wasn't my imaginary girlfriend—it was this fucking asshole sitting next me, the poster child for repeat sex offender, the exact opposite of what I hoped. I jerked so that he would not touch me. Needless to say, I did not sleep one single second during what had been scheduled as the sleeping portion of the ride. My mind was filled with disturbing images as they pertained to this creep seated next to me.

Plus, some lady brought her kids with her and they kept crying on the bus. Who the fuck brings children on an overnight bus trip? That was rude, I thought… and this fucking asshole next to me was equally rude. I wondered if I was in the wrong for not allowing him to feel me up. He represented the only dating option I had left and he was probably going to be placed in a maximum security prison fairly soon. I had to do something to alter my image so that creeps would dare not bother with me and somebody moderately decent would have at least minimum attraction to me without being severely intoxicated. At least I wasn't seated next to a cowboy, that would have been worse.


Index: Chapter List

Chapter 40 Soundtrack Listing:


1. Simply Red
"Holding Back the Years" 4:31

Picture Book
1985

2. German Oak
"Swastika Rising" 4:59

German Oak
1972

3. Canned Heat
"On the Road Again" 5:03

Boogie With Canned Heat
1968

4. Portastatic
"Like a Pearl" 4:35

Be Still Please
2006

5. The Hold Steady
"The Sweet Part of the City" 4:24

Heaven Is Whenever
2010

6. Cap'n Jazz
"Oh Messy Life" 2:03

Analphabetapolothology
1994

7. Sister Vanilla
"K To Be Lost" 4:41

Little Pop Rock
2007

8. Hair and Skin Trading Company, The
"On Again Off Again" 3:50

Over Valence
1993

9. Kino
"Транквилизатор" 4:57

Начальник Камчатки
1984

10. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
"More News From Nowhere" 7:58

Dig Lazarus Dig
2008

11. The Fiery Furnaces
"Take Me Round Again" 6:35

I'm Going Away
2009

12. Some By Sea
"Only One Bullett" 8:33

On Fire!
2006

All Sections Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

Anarcho Communist image from: A Revolt.
©2013

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