2013/02/06

Chapter 4: A World Without Regret

CHRISTMAS VACATION: CONFESSIONS OF A CONFUSED DOUCHE


SECTION TWO: CINCINNATI, OHIO




Chapter 4: A World Without Regret


Chapter IV: A World Without Regret

This is year 4.5 removed from Cincinnati, Ohio and I have no regrets about ever leaving. Quite honestly, I hate Cincinnati, and apparently I am not alone in that regard because it is one of the fastest shrinking cities in the US. I never would have selected living here, and feel my parents selected the two prime locations to ultimately derail the crash course of dreams and aspirations. Perhaps this is a means of punishment for me being a bad child—that I should forever be forced to the inconvenience of the ultimate discomfort zone in order to visit family for the holidays. But, I had to put all of that aside and enjoy myself for visitation with family had become a rarity since leaving.

This year had a different theme, for I had vowed to find my place in the world and finally discover once and for all where I truly belonged. That altered my perception of not only the places I visited, but the way in which I had chosen to conduct my own affairs throughout the entirety of the so-called vacation. Unfortunately, my mom lives in the worst part of Cincinnati, which, puts it in the running for worst part Worldwide. (Derived from a Sam Elliott quote in The Big Lebowski; would love to hear a Sam Elliott narrative description of Cincinnati.)

We know where I don’t belong, and what ultimately narrowed my path of opportunity—Eastgate, (Clermont County.) This is the first time I had ever come here without a car and that made it even more unsuitable. There are no sidewalks in Eastgate, and the bus does not run here. I was basically trapped at my mom’s house. But, that was fine because the most essential purpose of the trip was to visit my mom.

Nobody would have guessed that I had lived here for nearly 20 years. There was no welcoming party, no celebration, and most of the community probably did not know that I even existed—granted I did not live in Eastgate for most of these years. I still looked as foreign to them as I ever did. Oh well, it’s not like I spent the majority of my life attempting to seek the approval of the Clermont County population… and I am thankful that I am not exactly like those residing in this community.

My vegetarian diet was temporarily shelved for the first place my mother and I stopped for dinner was Skyline Chili, which still held special value (this is common for people who return to visit Cincinnati.) She and I chatted about various things, catching up with other family members, and sharing philosophies about gluten allergies, which she claimed to now have one and I claimed such a thing does not exist.

It would be a week before my brother and his kids arrived, so I had the spare bedroom to myself. Bed #1 was in a nice remote area of the basement with plenty of privacy and equipped with a full bathroom. I would rate this bed a solid 8, which is the highest score a bed can earn that isn't my own and isn't shared with a beautiful woman; additional points can be added or deducted to beds shared with a woman—a piece of shit mattress with springs poking out of the upholstery will earn a 10 if she is hot while a plush cozy perfectly comfortable king size mattress may drop to a 7.5 if she is some gross toothless nasty skank.



Index: Chapter List

Chapter 4 Soundtrack Listing:

1. The Avalanches
"Since I Left You" 4:20

Since I Left You
2001

2. Maxine Nightingale
"Right Back Where We Started From" 3:17

Right Back Where We Started From
1976

3. Wilco
"Misunderstood" 6:28

Being There
1996

4. The Boo Radleys
"Butterfly McQueen" 3:28

Giant Steps
1993

5. Magazine
"You Never Knew Me" 5:27

The Correct Use Of Soap
1980

6. Glen Campbell
"Ghost On The Canvas" 4:13

Ghost On The Canvas
2011

7. Mull Historical Society
"Instead" 5:43

Loss
2001

8. Kaleidoscope
"Flight From Ashiya" 2:40

Tangerine Dream
1967

9. Rollerskate Skinny
"Some Give Birth" 4:09

Shoulder Voices
1993

10. Tindersticks
"The Turns We Took" 5:30

The Hungry Saw
2008







All Sections Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

©2013

Reference from The Big Lebowski written and directed by The Coen Brothers... as seen below.




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