2013/02/18

Chapter 26: A Cold and Rainy Return

CHRISTMAS VACATION: CONFESSIONS OF A CONFUSED DOUCHE


SECTION FOUR: ASHEVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA




Chapter XXVI: A Cold and Rainy New Year’s Day


Onward to Asheville, as we now switch the rating from G back to NC-17.   On and Ever Onward.

Tim and Caroline tried to talk me into spending the night at their house, but I needed a night to myself. At the same time though, I did not wish to spend money on a hotel either. However, I did not have anybody’s phone number anymore except for Heath, my former roommate. Plus, this trip was unplanned, and I did not wish to impose on anybody. That said, I opted to simply book a hotel for it was cold, rainy, and New Year’s Day. Plus, Heath did not live close to downtown and I did not wish to require a ride to go places.

Credit card companies have done a marvelous job at creating a need for their product. In fact, they have almost made it a requirement. Furthermore, with their excessive interest rates, late penalties, and the fact they even charge small businesses for using their required product, they have also done a marvelous job crippling the economy. Ideally, every single credit card company would go out of business in the next couple of days. I do not have a credit card, nor do I care to—they are against everything I stand for and would almost rather have herpes than a credit card. The first hotel did not allow me to stay without one… but the second one did, a Super 8; and that’s where I’ll always do business from here on out.

I told Tim that I was unsure how long I would be in Asheville. It had been forever since I had been here, and I used to love it here. Portland remained the top of my list to move, but I wanted to return to Asheville briefly to make sure that I was making the right decision. I had no plans here, and really had no business being here either. However, I had thought about this place regularly since moving and wished to pay one last visit before I ventured out into potential starvation.

“Keep me posted, and if you need anything at all, let me know.” I will not receive that sort of hospitality and reassurance in Portland.

I’m not one who requires a fancy hotel—all I need is a bed, a bathroom, and some heat. This Super 8 hotel room was perfect; because the room came equipped with a table and nightstand, it exceeded my expectations. Furthermore, it was a smoking room and being able to smoke inside was a nice luxury, although one I did not need. However, it was comforting to know that should I intake that one poisonous inhalation, this elegant Super 8 hotel room was an ideal spot to kill over and die.

It was nice having a place to myself as there were some personal needs that needed taken care of—I have this issue where I do not like to take a shit in other people’s houses. It was fine at my mom’s because she had a secluded bathroom, but I had been holding it for several days. Also, I am not comfortable masturbating in other people’s houses either, so there’s that.

Waffle House was directly across the street and I walked there to eat. I texted Heath and told him that I was in town and that he should come join me. Unfortunately, he was sick and about to go to bed. So, I ate at Waffle House by myself trying to decide what to do while I contemplated hosting the ultimate Super 8 Waffle House Waitress Sex Orgy. I had devised the ultimate pick-up line that score all the hot bitches working at Waffle House... "Hey baby, you're allowed to smoke cigarettes in my hotel room." If I'd have invested in a carton of Bull Durham full flavors, I was certain that I could make this fantasy happen.

When I returned to the hotel without the companionship of any of the Waffle Sluts, I sent out some messages to various friends and hoped that something desirable would transpire. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my charger for my computer and had been borrowing my mom’s or my dad’s this whole time. My battery was on the verge of sudden death and its’ predicted expiration date was looming faster than even that of Pam, the waitress at Waffle House.

My other best friend from Asheville had recently moved to Atlanta and I could not contact anybody else. Plus, fatigue was settling in and I was coming down with a fever. Therefore, I decided the smart thing to do would be to either leave in the morning (the Greyhound station was right across the way) or shell out another $57 and stay another night at the hotel. I felt I should have planned this better, at least told somebody that I was coming. It was a spur of the moment type thing and I originally did not plan on coming here.

It was cold, I was tired, and I was also starting to feel a little ill—probably from lack of sleep, several changes in climate, and the heat blowing from the hotel wall unit (this always causes some congestion with me.) Ideally, I would have taken a shit, a shower, jerked it, and then went straight to bed… and that’s what I did. Part of me wished that my first day here wasn’t on New Year’s Day, and I wished that the weather was nicer, and I wished a lot of other things. Plus, I had to be out by 11:00 the next morning and had no plan as to where I was going. This was not a well thought out excursion.

As I was lying in bed, almost asleep, it dawned on me that I was in Asheville. I had been longing to come back to Asheville ever since Jen and I broke up. Therefore, I rose from the bed, and decided to walk downtown.

As for me, I’m a “shit or get off the pot” type of guy. If I sense that progress is being hindered, I will abandon the mission and seek a pot elsewhere. Somewhere along the lines I was not making any progress at all and removed myself from the world completely. However, just because I “got off the pot,” does not mean that the need completely vanished. I’ve spent several years trying to sit on various other pots and actually accomplish something. Therefore, I also suffer from the dilemma of being afraid that I am going to miss the golden opportunity, and will force myself out into a world in which I have no business attending with hopes that this will be the rogue that wave finally shows.


Index: Chapter List

Chapter 26 Soundtrack Listing:


1. Dirty Projectors + Bjork
"On and Ever Onward" 2:01

Mount Wittenberg Orca
2010

2. Japandroids
"Sovereignty" 3:34

Post-Nothing
2009

3. David & David
"Welcome to the Boomtown" 5:33

Boomtown
1986

4. Slammin' Watusis
"U Wnat It, U Got It" 3:09

Slammin' Watusis
1988

5. Devendra Banhart
"Goin' Back" 3:45

What Will We Be
2009

6. Grandpaboy
"Footsteps" 3:26

Mono
2002

7. Daughn Gibson
"Tiffany Lou" 4:36

All Hell
2012

8. Pink Floyd
"Fearless" 4:47

Meddle
1971

9. The Style Council
"The Garden of Eden: A Three Piece Suite: In the Beginning/The Gardener ..." 10:30

Confessions of a Pop Group
1988

10. Yo La Tengo
"The Fireside" 11:25

Popular Songs
2009

All Sections Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

Super 8 image from: Super 8 Asheville.
©2013

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