Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse: The Top 25 Songs of 2012

The Best Songs of 2012 + 2012: The Smurf Apocalypse
Chapter 1: The Death of Papa Smurf's Generation
Chapter 2: The Smurfettes
Chapter 3: The Rise of the 3rd Anti-Smurf
Chapter 4: Beauty + Love = Macabre Prophecies
Chapter 5: Prelude… The World Ended Before it Began
Chapter 6: Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse

Chapter VI: Finale: The Great Smurf Apocalypse

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

25. Ty Segall Band
"Death"  4:26
San Francisco, CA

Just as Gargamel and The Smurfs were once enemies, the Tyson family and the fat tourist were once friends. After the shopping development killed Archie Tyson’s sister, brother-in-law, nieces, nephew, and a batch of the organic corn, Archie Tyson and the remainder of the family vowed to seek revenge. It was scheduled 12-12-12, the grand opening of the new Pier 1 Imports. The media marveled at the crowd lined up in front of the store for the Grand Opening, and spun the story as if Pier 1 Imports was the #1 place in The Universe to shop for gift ideas. However, this was no ordinary crowd—all of them were members of the Archie Tyson militia. The moment the doors were opened, they stormed inside like a raging mob and trashed the stored. They busted up all the merchandise with bats, set fire to display of overpriced useless whicker shit, and busted out all of the windows. And once the interior of the store was demolished, the climbed to the top of the store and tore down the Pier 1 Imports illuminated sign; then proceeded to spend several minutes thrashing the sign in the parking lot and busting it into pieces.

24. The Men
"Animal"  2:50
Open Your Heart
New York, NY

Some members of the construction crew who putting the finishing touches on the elegant brand spanking new Jo-Ann Fabrics in the lot adjoining the Pier 1 Imports extravagant parking lot decided to interfere and attempt to stop the destruction of the Pier 1 Imports. This is when things began spinning wildly out of control. The Tyson family was relentless with the assault, not only fueled with vengeance for the atrocious killing of their family, but this shopping center had depleted valuable property (the fat tourist also confiscated the organic farm formerly owned by Tyson’s family in order to build another subdivision). The militia opened fire on the construction crew and they had to take cover behind several vehicles. They continued their attack, firing rounds of bullets into the vehicles, and ultimately shooting out all of the windows at Jo Ann Fabrics and their signs as well. A truck exploded, the store was trashed, and several people were left wounded.

23. Karriem Riggins
"Stadium Rock"  2:44
Alone Together
Detroit, MI/Los Angeles, CA

Word traveled fast about the battles raging in the new shopping center. These stores had the right to defend themselves and prepared to impose all means necessary to ensure the next series of chain stores were permitted to operate. A legion of Pier 1 Imports employees, dressed in their Pier 1 Imports uniforms, marched passed Gargamel’s house in the unison of properly trained soldiers (although many of these employees hardly resembled actual soldiers). They were armed with rifles and donning flags displaying the Pier 1 Imports logo. This is what had become of Smurf Village and neither The Smurfs nor Gargamel were pleased with the results. On the opposite side from where the Pier 1 Imports soldiers were marching, another platoon of people were coming… these with intentions of a different occupation altogether.

22. Dirty Projectors
"Just From Chevron"  4:07
Swing Lo Magellan
New York, NY

The new occupation was unwilling to allow the settlers to confiscate the neighboring organic farm. Their protest was done peacefully as they sat around the perimeter of the farm cross-legged holding candles. Unfortunately, roughly 30% of this movement did not possess jobs and these were the ones shown on television as it was spun to appear as if all the protesters were dirty stinky hippies. Therefore, this demonstration was regarded as “irritating” to most people except for Hippy Smurfette, who eagerly joined them. The purpose of this was to create a human blockade that would not allow the developers through without harming another human being; or, if the developers were successful with the completion of this mission, they would live with the guilty conscience of giving chain stores more priority than human life. And when the developers arrived, they did not move, but rather clapped their hands and sang out a song.

21. Micachu & The Shapes
"OK"  3:31
Bow, England

It worked temporarily, and the rest of The Smufs even came outside to engage in peaceful talks with the construction crew, who was ordering everybody to leave. Nobody left and tension was mounting as the discussion grew more heated. They even attempted to shove women to create an opening and tried to stomp some of The Smurfs. Once it proved to no avail, they called in the local authorities. These people, referred to as police outside the Smurf Village, are supposed to be unbiased and view all altercations subjectively. Should thorough examination be properly assessed, they may have ordered the construction crew to leave and charge them with trespassing. That was not the case, and the moment they arrived, they ordered the protestors to leave (American humans are only freely allowed to protest Planned Parenthood, all other times, the police will take the side of the establishment.) Within minutes of arriving, they beat the demonstrators with clubs, and pepper sprayed people who were merely sitting on the ground without threatening anybody; they even pepper sprayed The Smurfs. After watching The Smurfs being brutalized by the police, Vicious Vixen Smurfette clutched The Great Wizard’s wooden pole, closed her eyes, looked to the sky, murmured the proper words, and then Vicious Vixen Smurfette was the same size as the human police officers.

20. Pop. 1280
"Nature Boy"  4:14
The Horror
New York, NY

Upon being equally sized (although still way outnumbered by the police and riot squad) she immediately stormed into the scene and swung the pole at the officer’s wrists, knocking the pepper spray out of his hand; she rapidly waved the pole in front of his face and it pepper sprayed the police officer—the little pussy clutched his eyes and cried, squirming around on the ground. An officer quickly drew his gun on Vicious Vixen Smurfette, and she rapidly struck him with the pole and sent the gun flying out of his grasp. She twirled the pole in her hands and beat the piss out of 5 police officers, Kung Fu style, in a brief matter of seconds. To top it all off, she waved the wand at one of the squad cars and it exploded. People stared in awe; she stared back coldly, standing by a flaming police car, this was by far the most intimidating a Smurfette had ever appeared… this wasn’t Saturday morning cartoons anymore.

19. Céu
"Asfalto e Sal"  2:56
Caravana Sereia Bloom
São Paulo, Brazil

The police and construction crew feared Vicious Vixen Smurfette, quickly jumped into their vehicles, and sped away as quickly as they could. It was a much needed victory that delayed the development committee from taking over as easily as they would have liked. They celebrated this amazing triumph, and for the time being, it appeared they had the perfect weapon in Vicious Vixen Smurfette. Although they could not alter what had already happened in the past, this organic farm was going to be saved.

18. Michael Kiwanuka
"Rest"  3:53
Home Again
London, England

Even though they obtained one victory, they knew the battle was far from over. The Great Wizard’s magical rod held some limitations—the very last page had an index of spells filed under “Cannot Be Done.” Knowing this was not a battle for The Smurfs, even under the leadership of the fearless Vicious Vixen Smurfette, The Smurfs still had plans to leave the settlement and embark on a journey to a new haven…this was the actual purpose of the magic rod. Dreamy Smurf held Dreamy Smurfette tightly in his arms and kissed her on the head. There was assurance across the village that everything would soon be fine, and that The Smurfs were going to overcome any obstacles they may face; it was just a matter of waiting for the perfect moment to strategically implement their escape plans.

17. Horseback
"Ahriman"  3:55
Half Blood
Chapel Hill, NC

The sun turned black. Although it was still daylight, the sun was solid black, discoloring the sky to a dull gray and illuminating blackness throughout the battlefield. A swarm of locusts emerged from the ground and filled the sky. An odd figure perched on a white horse stared off in the distance down the road from the battlefield, which centered at Gargamel’s house. From the opposing side of the street, a tank was plowing its’ way up the road, destroying the concrete in its’ path, bearing the flag of Jo Ann Fabrics waving in the wind. Behind Gargamel’s house, where the shopping center was built, the looters temporarily ceased pillaging and gazed towards the sky, absorbing the black rays beaming down upon them.

16. Daughn Gibson
"Tiffany Lou"  4:36
All Hell
Carlisle, PA

Glowing black light altered the image of the entire parking lot and the manager from Pier 1 Imports clutched his chest; he dropped to his knees and the world spun around him with a dizzying blur. Once believed to a man of God, the Pier 1 Imports district manager was gasping for breath; he went into a state of sheer panic as blood gushed from his eyes. Suddenly, the wreckage of the Pier 1 Imports store was infested with rats, which crawled out of the busted windows and swarmed into the parking lot. Vampire Smurfette hissed and showed her morbid fangs; simultaneously, all of the fabric inside Jo Ann Fabrics mysteriously combusted and a fire spread inside the store. Fires were brimmed in the backyards of the housing developments when each of the grills ignited one-by-one.

15. Helvetia
"Stay Wild"  4:15
Nothing in Rambling
Seattle, WA

An eerie chill despondently swept through the entirety of the land that once belonged to either Gargamel or the neighboring organic farm. The invaders showed some symptoms of fear, but they had a tank travelling down the street prepared to attack; an entire army of Jo Ann Fabrics marching behind them. On the other hand, The Smurfs were fighting this battle alone. The street had been closed off, and the media had reported suspicious terrorist activity taking place in the home of Gargamel. Papa Smurf dropped to the kitchen floor, staring at the ceiling, violently shaking, frothing at the mouth, and plagued with the nightmarish vision that had been disturbing him for centuries. The Smurfs gathered around him to help, but he was clutching his head, spinning on the kitchen floor, and shouting “no! No!” Unassisted, and for no reason at all, the kitchen faucet turned itself on and the water flowed inside the sink. Gargamel also dropped to his knees and blood poured from his nostrils.

14. The Walkmen
"Heaven"  4:22
New York, NY

It could have been nearly time to depart, but Dreamy Smurfette clutched Dreamy Smurf’s insisting that they should not leave at this moment…it was far too dangerous and to embark now would be a suicide mission. One of the developers of an unnamed department store reviewed the plans of the building site; he had done some extensive research on the project. He discovered the land was obtained by means he considered unethical; sadly he realized that he was also one of the members who voted in favor of the project. That day came when he realized he had made a crucial mistake and empowered the wrong people. The owner of this department store crumbled up the plans for his own building project and threw it into the face of the fat tourist. “This whole thing is a scam, and I will not be a part of it.” Furthermore, he insisted that he was going to expose the atrocities to the public and put a stop to this madness once and for all. The manager of Pier 1 Imports tried desperately to stop him. They had fought hard for this building site, they had been best friends, and there was money to be made here; exposing the crime would certainly result in bankruptcy. He was having no part of it; the owner of the department store slammed his jacket to the ground and left to join The Smurfs.

13. Heartless Bastards
"Only For You"  5:08
Cincinnati, OH

After disbanding his development project, the owner of the major department store was targeted for assassination. His trip to Gargamel’s began as a steady walk, but then he realized he was being followed and had to pick up his pace. They shot at him, and he had to sprint through the only remaining patch of forest until he reached Gargamel’s house. He pounded loudly on the door, but they did not open it immediately. “Let me in! Please. I’m with you now. Trust me.” The Smurfs were reluctant at first, but thought differently after witnessing development soldiers shooting at him. He was in the process of telling The Smurfs exactly what happened, when he abruptly shoved Gargamel to floor and ordered everybody “down!” A man with a machine gun stood beside the house and unloaded on the side of the house, busting out the windows, blasting holes in the walls, and sending bullets flying through the kitchen.

12. 不失者 (Fushitsusha)
"Aredakeha"  5:09
光となづけよう [Hikari To Nazukeyou]
Tokyo, Japan

Under an array of bullets flying, the department store owner crawled across the floor and obtained a knife out of the kitchen drawer. He carefully crept up to the window and the stuck the knife into the gunman’s chest. The militant officer attempted to remove the knife from his bloody chest (accidentally firing shots into the ground in the process), but Vicious Vixen Smurfette leaped onto the window ledge, fired her magically enhanced explosive machine gun, and finished him off. “There’s going to more of them coming.” The protestors were once again outside and were joined once again by the entire cast inside Gargamel’s house. There was tank trudging down the street, flying the flag of Jo Ann Fabrics, and drawing nearer. It fired one canon, but it missed the house and sent an explosion in the far-off field. Another shot was fired, and this canon was quickly approaching. CUT TO A NARRATOR WEARING A SUIT IN A PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE. “Did you know that tanks are driven by cowards? They might be made out to be heroes on TV, but it is the ultimate cowardly device. It’s armored, it’s almost impossible to penetrate, it’s nearly indestructible, it’s a safety net—similar to those who talk tough on the telephone but are genuinely pussies in person. They have but one purpose, and that is to kill. Therefore, all tanks were meant to be destroyed. ALL TANKS WERE MEANT TO BE DESTROYED.” The department store owner was standing beside Vicious Vixen Smurfette, “all tanks were meant to be destroyed.”

11. Moon Duo
"Free Action"  5:35
San Francisco, CA/Portland, OR

The canon overshot the house and caused another explosion in the field. PSYCHIATRIST: “Most tank operators cannot even hit their assigned targets. This is not an ideal trait to have when operating a weapon this destructive.” Display images of buildings destroyed by tank canons, tanks firing canons, tanks causing wreckage. PSYCHIATRIST: “The tank should be destroyed.” DEPARTMENT STORE OWNER: “Smurfette, destroy the tank.” PSYCHIATRIST: “People who drive the tank are not even human.” OWNER: “They are not even human. They’re murderers.” PSYCHIATRIST: “One has to question the desire to even operate a tank. Any mission that involves usage of a tank will be a mission of death and destruction. These are people who have opted, either voluntarily or by means of “just following orders”, to destroy entire villages. Most of them have been taught this since childhood. They have toy tanks, to give children the ambition to destroy foreign concepts. It is a cowardly form of warfare, which, all forms of military action are signs that society has been corrupted and ultimately failed. The usage of the tank, most often against populations who do not even possess advancements in weaponry, never decides who is bigger, better, stronger, smarter, or even tougher. Rather, it merely proves which side of the conflict possesses more currency and is more ruthlessly eager to spend the taxes they have embezzled from their own people in order to create devices capable of destroying entire communities and killing far more people with one shot than Jeffry Dahmer and Charles Manson did in their entire lifetimes combined.”

10. Thee Oh Sees
"Lupine Dominus"  3:29
Putrifiers II
San Francisco, CA

Did you know that throughout the course of history, tanks have rarely been used to defend the home front; maybe two or three times tops? Tanks are weapons of mass destruction used primarily by invaders of another community. It’s hard to fathom that rich and powerful armies have invaded impoverished communities with the usage of tanks and wiped out entire fleets of human beings—Israel with the Palestinians, Russia against Afghanistan, and repeated violations committed by The United States. Who did this? CUT TO AN OFFICE OF BUSINESS MEN: We did. We are the descendants of the first regime. It was our mission since our incarnation to conquer and rule the world so that we may have all of this (money). We conquered them, we conquered them, and if you are not sitting in this room right now, we conquered you. It was us who established the system of currency, it was us who created a need for government, it was us who bought your religion. We even had you pay for it. Your tax dollars funded our weapons, so that you, yes you, may defend our assets. We allowed you to lead a meaningless life in order to generate our profits. You worked for us. Even if you thought you owned your own business, you worked for us. You paid our taxes, you paid the rent we charged you, you paid the fees and interest rates, because you had to pay us to eat, you had to pay us to breath, you had to pay us to live. Everything you ever owned, you paid us for it. You didn’t really need that new upgrade—it was the exact same as the old system…we just made it a piece of shit so that you would have to keep buying it. We took control of all the assets, so that we could have the life that we lead now, and made you believe that you were free to whatever you wished. But you never were, really. The only ones who prospered were the ones who displayed the greatest show of conformity without challenging anything. That manager position you have—you’re not brilliant, we just knew you weren’t a threat. Why did we do this you ask? Truthfully, I don’t even know. I never said we were intelligent, I only stated that we were the biggest pricks in existence.” The tank was approaching. “Destroy the tank Vicious Vixen. It wasn’t in the name of liberty; it was in the name of currency. In the name of liberty, destroy the tank.”

9. Death Grips
"System Blower"  3:48
The Money Store
Sacramento, CA

The tank fired yet another canon. This time, nobody flinched; instead, they charged the streets and stood their ground. Vicious Vixen Smurfette swung The Great Wizard’s mystical pole and sparks shot from its tip. She drew back and caught the live canon, and in one quick sweep, ignited the shell and fired it back at the tank. Unlike the cowardly tank operator working for Jo Ann Fabrics, Vicious Vixen could effectively fire a canon and it was a direct hit—the tank exploded. The protesters, Gargamel, The Smurfs, and all of those siding against the development charged after the tank and ambushed the army following it. An enormous brawl erupted in the street, which was now on fire.

8. Vibravoid
"Gravitation Zero"  13:23
Gravity Zero
Düsseldorf, Germany

A full scale riot ensued on the street. Police officers were beating civilians, and protesters were destroying police cars. Several vehicles were overturned on the road with flames shooting out their windows. Not one single person participating in the revolt cooperated with orders from the police. Should an officer attempt to detain a person, he was struck back, often beat viciously in the face, and sometimes stomped repeatedly on the ground. Their clubs and shields were apprehended and some of the civilians were able to beat the police with their own clubs. Even though there was obviously zero compliance anywhere on the street, the police handcuffed some of the protesters and allowed them to be viciously attacked by the soldiers; so much for the concept of them protecting and defending freedom; pigs must resort to unethical techniques for they can rarely win a fair fight. Out of the black, the dark figure on the white horse rode through the streets and destroyed everything in its path—both soldiers and civilians. All participants in the riot dropped to the ground. The horse came through again, whipping civilians, and senselessly executed an unarmed Smurf.

7. Goat
"Run To Your Mama"  2:23
World Music
Korpilombolo, Sweden

Vicious Vixen Smurfette did not show leniency towards the unjustified execution of her Smurf friend. While everybody else was lying on the ground in fear, Vicious Vixen Smurfette stood in the middle of the street and challenged the demon to a duel. It rode by again, and this time Vicious Vixen Smurfette swung her pole and knocked the demon off the horse. It stood up, and the supernatural demon shot a ball of fire at Vicious Vixen Smurfette and sent her backwards, tumbling on the ground. The demon hovered over her and prepared for execution; however, the demon was attacked from behind by Vampire Smurfette and Azrael. Upon being assaulted by other supernatural forces, the demon was severely injured and lost his power. Vicious Vixen Smurfette stood up and stabbed him in the chest and he disintegrated into pieces.

6. The Sea and Cake
"The Runner"  4:36
Chicago, IL

The fighting temporarily subsided as both sides attempted to discuss matters. Once again, the fat tourist reminded everybody that they had been granted this land and were free to do whatever they pleased on it, because, after all, it was a free country and this was a free market system. He also informed everybody how the great governor of Sri Lanka had given them this land, God gave them this land, and the people wanted it. Nobody was interested in an organic farm; it was a waste of money. Chain stores was what generated revenue, chain stores was what funded the schools, and chain stores globalized the world. Suddenly, everybody realized that he was right; and just like that, they realized what the problem was in the world. People had lost hope in humanity because banks and corporations were sponsoring everything and tailoring it their liking, with the intentions on creating a slave state utopia in which but a few people would prosper.

5. Beak>
"Eggdog"  4:15
Bristol, England

Civilians expressed hostility, coupled with a staunch refusal to comply with the standards of the fat tourist. The owner of the department store engaged in a shouting match with the Anti-Smurf, snatched the documents out of his hand, and tore the papers into pieces. He declared that the governor of Sri Lanka never had any say as to what should take place on this property, and the voters were misinformed… as are a lot of people on a lot of things. They argued for several moments and the Anti-Smurf demanded that the department store owner be placed under arrest. He resisted arrest and shoved the fat tourist in the face. Sure enough, even though just yesterday the two were relatively equals, the police attempted to arrest the department store owner… he was displaying an unwillingness to conform to the slave state.

4. Tamaryn
"No Exits"  4:09
Tender New Signs
San Francisco, CA

As the department store owner was resisting arrest but being shoved into a riot squad wagon, more attempts were made by the civilians to stop the aggressors. Finally, a group strayed off and created a different distraction altogether. They knocked down the barrier walls and ripped out the barbed wire. The police viewed preserving the wall as a top priority and raced to save it. That’s when the rats came. At this point, all order and humanity was lost forever. Some of the civilians and many of The Smurfs simply sat on the ground and watched in despair as society revealed itself as a failure. Fires were being set, violence prevailed everywhere, and it appeared the world was crumbling down and being devoured by rats. Papa Smurf was once again disturbed with the vision of the water pouring in from an unknown source—the dam sprang a leak and dripped blood; the rivers flowed with blood glistening from the blackened sky.

3. Spiritualized
"Hey Jane"  8:52
Sweet Heart Sweet Light
Rugby, England

Papa Smurf was kicked while he was down and Vicious Vixen Smurfette sprang to her feet to his assistance. She was ruthless in her relentless assault on the soldiers. They kept rushing towards her and she kept warding them off one-by-one. At one point they had her surrounded and attempted to force her into the back of the riot squad wagon. But, she refused to give up, continuously elbowing them in the face, kicking, punching, head butting, and finally was able to shove them all away and once again draw The Great Wizard’s Mystical Rod. She had vacated a space and was able to create distance from herself and the goons. The rod first worked as a sword, and she chopped off the head of a member of the riot squad, sending his mask covered head rolling across the street. They tried to back away and re-establish a different position for attack, but she slayed several more of them.

(VERSE: “Hey Jane, when you gonna die) The police tried to shoot Vicious Vixen Smurfette, but she did not even take cover; she fired her automatic rifle and was gunning down cops and soldiers from every direction. She single handedly massacred the entire Pier 1 Imports Army. The walls of the settlement development had crumbled, and the invaders were being driven away. And just like, all went quiet. The fat tourist, the 3rd Anti-Smurf, with usage of a drone bomber, sprayed her with poisonous gas—a substance that had been outlawed a long time ago, and the heroine dropped to the ground dead, steaming from chemical burns.

2. Aluk Todolo
"Occult Rock III"  10:07
Occult Rock

It was silent for a short time while everybody examined the dead body of Vicious Vixen Smurfette. The protesters viewed this as a dirty move. Furthermore, that substance had been outlawed for numerous reasons and its effects could harm the entire environment. One spill of this substance could end the world.

Papa Smurf again dropped to the ground with the horrific vision of water coming in from an unknown source. Lush Smurfette lay beside Vicious Vixen Smurfette, crying, this was the end of everything for certain.

People shouted at the fat tourist, then chanted slogans, and demanded he be arrested for possession of an illegal toxic substance. However, no arrests were made. They still sided with the fat tourist, even though he had an internationally outlawed substance—none of the protesters were even permitted to possess marijuana. And the shouts grew louder, and kept coming stronger. At this point, the riot squad merely watched, standing on one side of the battle zone. Particles of the demolished wall were hurled at the police, the riot squad, and the armies. They swung clubs at them, but only sought to keep them on one side of the street.

That’s when the reinforcements came. This time, they brought in the fire department, and they were equipped fire hoses. Despite the fact there was no fair trial to determine who was right or wrong, the fire department sided with the riot squad. They aimed the fire hoses at the unruly rioters, turned the power level to high, and then the water from an unknown source came rushing in and washed away Smurf Village.

#1. Swans
"The Seer"  32:15
The Seer
New York, NY

Papa Smurf was seated at the round table holding his handful of cards, cigarette draping out of his mouth. Vicious Vixen Smurfette glanced over at him, looked over him carefully, gave him a dirty sneer, and then pushed a stack of chips into the center of the table. Papa Smurf inhaled the cigarette, blew out the smoke, rolled the butt around his lip, re-arranged his cards, and declared he was in. A couple other Smurfs set down their cards—they folded, and the department store owner shook his head in disbelief, but declared he was in too. He knew he lost, but his hand was too good. The department store owner held three nines, Vicious Vixen Smurfette held a full house, and Papa Smurf had four Jacks—winner Papa Smurf.

“You fucking asshole!” declared Vicious Vixen Smurfette.

Gargamel tossed Papa Smurf a pack of cigarettes as he gathered the cards and prepared to shuffle for the next game.

“You know,” the department store owner asked Papa Smurf, “how did you know that this was coming?”

“It was a dreaded vision that I had for hundreds of years. And that day, I just knew when it was going to happen. I can’t really explain it actually, just something that I may have been born with, maybe a skill I developed. Regardless, at times, I see it all. It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

FLASHBACK: The water came pouring in, just as the horrific vision always indicated. All the little Smurfs were washed away.

FLASHBACK: Prior to that, Brainy Smurf rushed to Papa Smurf’s assistance as he was lying on the ground having convulsions. Papa Smurf said something to Brainy Smurf, Brainy agreed, and exited the scene to carry off a new mission.

The fire hose was not completely effective on everything. It may have washed away the Smurfs, killing and drowning virtually all of them, but some of the protesters snuck around from the sides and attacked the firemen. Also, a fleet of demonic rats were coming and they freakishly were able to swim through the current of the rushing water. Once around the water flow, they viciously attacked.

Brainy Smurf was scurrying back to Papa Smurf, for he had just finished the mission he told him to do, and then he was suddenly blasted with rushing water. It swept him across the field, (Brainy was being under water, back up, and trying to stay afloat) and the current smashed his head against a wooden fence, killing him instantly.

The department store owner was in the process of trying to fight the riot squad, but Papa Smurf yanked him by the ankle and tripped him. When the water came rushing in, Papa Smurf continuously dunked his head under the water and drowned him. He was certain that Papa Smurf betrayed him, and the water poured in and crashed them both against the same pole as Brainy Smurf.

In another display of betrayal, Azrael attacked Gargamel. Gargamel was trying to fight off Azrael, who kept scratching at his face, and he too was pummeled to his death in the same water current that smashed his head into a nail coming out of the fence.

A battle raged in the streets. People were beating each other, stomping each other, killing each other, and then suddenly the 3rd Anti-Smurf was attacked by rats. As he was attacked, a container with the highly toxic poisonous gas spilled onto the ground, but Vampire Smurfette apprehended it and stuffed it into his mouth.

The police slammed somebody’s head into the ground and beat him to death. There were puddles of blood on the street and everybody was hauled off either in the riot squad wagon or in an ambulance… many were dead.

On that day, the riot squad was victorious. They killed all The Smurfs, Gargamel, annexed all of the land and built that shopping center.

However, there was some sort of poisonous toxin in the soil. Every single business establishment located on what was formerly Gargamel’s property went bankrupt. There were a lot of spooky things that took place and the place was eventually deemed haunted; same could be said for the housing developments. Each one of them carried a curse; after the unexplainable murder/suicide that took place on the corner, all of the residents vacated the entire subdivision. The 3rd Anti-Smurf eventually died from his toxic poisoning. The foundation was exposed as a scam and many of those reaping profits from the scam committed suicide. This was the day that first regime was finally conquered.

FLASHBACK: Before the great flood, Brainy Smurf ran to the exact fence post in which they would all be crushed. He climbed to the top of the fence, and placed that huge bottle of potion that Papa Smurf had concocted to revive Azrael and Smurfette. When Vicious Vixen Smurfette smashed into the pole, it knocked the bottle off the ledge, and spilled onto the dead Smurfs, along with the others who perished that day.

If you listen closely you just might hear them… they’re living underground now, with lots of new allies, and all is well. They sell shit in a new store (clothes made by Material Smurf, bakery goods, albums recorded by Harmony Smurf and Smurfette, etc; Gargamel is the cashier—they refuse to make millions and constantly give back to the community.

“Look,” an excited Material Smurf declared entering the room, “look what I made!” She unveiled her new T-shirt that she hoped to release in January of 2013. The shirt read ‘See, I told you so’ on the front, and on the back it read, “Now PLEASE, shut the fuck up about this God damn end of the world bullshit!”

"Like Wine"  6:55
The Inner Treaty
Los Angeles, CA

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

Original Smurfs created by Peyo (Pierre Culliford)
None of the original songs nor Smurf's episodes were ever intended to be used in this type of format.

Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
The Shining references written by Stephen King; directed by Stanley Kubrick

1 comment:

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