2012/11/10

The Top 75 Songs of 1977

At Last! + The Top 150 Songs of 1977
Part 1: Equation For The Meaning of Life
Part 2: A Request For Radical Change
Part 3: Learning to Fly
Part 4: Cute Little Green Mother Fuckers and The Born Bad Bitches
Part 5: Emergence of The Black Serpent
Part 6: At Last! The Greatest Come-From-Behind Victory in The History of The Universe

Part IV: Cute Little Green Mother Fuckers and The Born Bad Bitches


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



75. Dead Boys
"Sonic Reducer"  3:09
Young Loud and Snotty
Cleveland, OH

I entered the saloon and saw a dark figure sitting at the poker holding a hand of cards and smoking a cigarette. I said out loud the moment I saw him, “Grover Fucking Cleveland.” The smoke cleared and he lifted his head…it was him. Some other asshole stood up and copped an attitude, “his real name is Stephen Grover Cleveland, but it’s funny that you think his middle name is Fucking.” In which I responded, “shut up, ya fucking douche!” and I drew my pistol and shot that mother fucker right in the face… his head spun around like a top and when it stopped, he whipped out his pistol and shot me. A shootout ensued, and Grover Cleveland did nothing.

74. Ramones
"I Wanna Be Well"  2:28
Rocket to Russia
New York, NY

Somehow, the atmosphere of 1866 merged in with current times, but in a different time and place altogether. A few of us were in black and white, and others had some bizarre fucked up color to them… including those gay fish over there in the corner. I just flew across the entire Ocean, I’ve been to Saturn, I’ve been to Chicago, and I’ve been to Excoringigal. Not troubles around here. The fish pulled out guitars and sang the phrase “Yea, I Wanna Be Well” directly in the face of the meanest looking vigilante in the place.

73. T. Rex
"Dandy In The Underworld"  4:36
Dandy In The Underworld
London, England

Grover Cleveland had swiped all of the cards during the shootout and played him a game of solitaire during the shootout. “Shit Grover Cleveland,” said an odd colored renegade from an unknown time and place, “you’s a mother fucking legend!” He stood up right as the music started. Blue fish were playing in the background, singing. Two parakeets were perched on the rings of Saturn, singing the chorus also… as were a couple of felines flying over the Ocean… and they had one thing in common… Grover Cleveland was a Dandy in the Underworld. His life throughout time and space was revealed throughout the song, as he came up for air from the gasses of Saturn with his beautiful bride.

72. Half Japanese
"Bogus Millionares / Cool Millionares"  2:09
Calling All Girls
Coldwater, MI

Shit got extremely chaotic on the planet Saturn as it seemed to be the popular visiting spot since people could now easily get there. There were no laws as a Western style village was built right smack dab in the middle of mother fucking Saturn. Who was an integral part of this Anarchist wilderness? None other than the two parakeets… and these mother fuckers who had been repressed their entire lives lived with total freedom. They threw chairs out windows and busted down anything that resembled a barrier.

71. The Drones
"Corgi Crap"  2:44
Further Temptations
Manchester, England

Stan drove up in his car… these things were completely useless, but he did not know it yet. Two parakeets circled around the vehicle and a group of black and blue striped beings yanked him out of the car and threw him into the saloon. The parakeets had a wick hanging from their beaks and utilized a few tools to wire up the car. During the ravishing guitar solo being performed by a group of fish and an odd colored rabbit named Popco (who was even more legendary than the great Grover Cleveland) the car was exploded. “Fly bitch,” ordered the parakeets.

70. Asphalt Jungle
"No Escape"  2:30
Asphalt Jungle EP
Paris, France

I was still wandering aimlessly around The Universe trying to return to Earth so that I could inform everybody that they could fly. In the midst of all of this, I stumbled upon this most peculiar place populated entirely with cute little green creatures running, full speed, in a single file line, circling the Equator of this particular planet. There was nothing else anywhere on this planet, and these creatures were doing nothing else…and this seemed to have no purpose.

69. Thin Lizzy
"Opium Trail"  3:59
Bad Reputation
Dublin, Ireland

And thus this world changed… to a time in the past. Once upon there was something on this planet, and the green beings had a purpose. But, there was some sort of a holocaust. A war had taken place, but the green ones were innocent. There was some sort of weird plant that grew on this planet, and some other strangers had to have it to satisfy their cravings. And so it came, the interplanetary drug smugglers feuded over a planet that wasn’t even theirs, shooting one another, injecting the drug, and destroying it all.

68. The Radiators
"Press Gang"  2:31
TV Tube Heart
Dublin, Ireland/London, England

They all could have died if they chose to, but survival mode settled in. After it was all destroyed, they had to run full speed around the equator in order for them to survive… should one of them stop, their world would come to an end. However, the aliens from the other planets did not care about their circulation, and only wanted the medication required to keep them alive. In other words, they obtained happiness at the expense of others, and then dicked over the ones they desperately needed in order to achieve personal satisfaction. God related the sad tragic narrative from a chair at a barber shop in Tichonglewistewizzialcziengtzel while he was getting a haircut by an inter-galactic Asian man, who occasionally chimed in with broken English sharing his perspective on the event unfolded.

67. The Rubinoos
"Hard To Get"  3:03
The Rubinoos
Berkeley, CA

Jonelle, a little green bastard now circling the equator of some little fucked up planet out in the middle of nowhere, had a crush on a boy named Veraniziel. There was something about Veraniziel; he was green and looked exactly like her. In fact, all of these little green bastards looked exactly alike and there was no way to tell any of them apart. However, Jonelle did not make it easy on him, and Veraniziel had put forth immense effort in order to win her love…even though she wanted him too. There were lots of other girls at her school too, and they all looked exactly like Jonelle.

66. Leonard Cohen
"Memories"  5:59
Death of a Ladies' Man
Montréal, QC, Canada

How long had they been running? God answered, 14 years. God was now sitting in a saloon on a different planet assisting the dishwasher by drying the plates. Is there anything we can do to help them? There is, and it’s been done, but they just don’t it yet. In order to realize this, you would have to know the entire history of all of it. We looked into a glass of wine and saw into the history of it all. It was Grover Cleveland sitting in a tree with a pair of binoculars. He was staring inside the window of his first love, some Quaker bitch named Jackie… old perverted mother fucker was trying to catch a glimpse of her naked body. Right as she pulled down her blouse, he fell out of the tree and was surrounded by a band of singing fish.

65. MX-80 Sound
"Man on the Move"  3:55
Devotion
Bloomington, IN

I stood alongside some guy wearing a suit; we were hovering over the debacle on the green people planet studying them running across the Equator. He stood there hovering, with his hand on his chin, in deep thought. Other people soon joined us, and we did nothing but stand there and watch in awe at these creatures running full speed in a single file circle. It was quiet for a moment, and the man in the suit finally conjured an idea. He removed his hand from his chin and said sternly, “get me Grover Cleveland.” Grover Cleveland was seated at a card table with Frances sitting on his lap. Somebody approached him, “you had never done anything. You did nothing!”

64. Human Switchboard
"San Francisco Nights"  3:01
Human Switchboard EP
Kent, OH

Fourteen of those green things had died in the holocaust. On the day the Earth changed, they showed up in San Francisco, standing in front of a stage where some kind of weird band was playing, and they were surrounded by blue fish and a group of bizarre colored Earthlings. Looking around, the scene was totally bizarre… the fish were gay, the people dressed crazy, and for all they knew, they were gay too—because they looked exactly alike. Grover Cleveland watched the band as well. All of sudden, coming from the bay, a large group of flying objects were hurling towards them at a rapid pace.

63. Mink DeVille
"Venus of Avenue D"  5:04
Cabretta
San Francisco, CA

We walked up Avenue D. It was a cool scene, and the little green dudes held hands because they had not been exposed to this. One of the fish had a thing for some other fish who constantly walked this street in search of drugs, lust, and other enjoyable forms of recreation. The cats clicked their fingers to the beat, the rabbit played, and the fish sang with passion. Those poor little green dudes watched in awe… somehow they were both frightened and intrigued at the same time. In the midst of this, little green Wellerzer saw something fascinating in Katrina, and fantasized about her being a little green fish.

62. Chris Spedding
"Wild Wild Women"  3:53
Hurt
Staveley, England/Los Angeles, CA

After the changes and the alterations in colors, the women went wild. For some reason, women find it necessary to flash their breasts to celebrate their wildness. Now that all of their titties were different colors, they paraded around the streets flashing them at people, flashing them at anybody… the girls had officially gone wild.

61. Buzzcocks
"Friends of Mine"  2:23
Spiral Scratch
Manchester, England

Those things that were flying towards the crowd remained unknown. Even when they landed, people still had no idea what the hell they were or what their intentions were. They simply zipped through the air and blasted unsuspecting people right in the face. However, once they splattered on the face, often with a loud smack, there was no pain… just a gooey sticky red substance that wasn’t exactly easy to wipe off. After the splat though, something else seemed to change… it was a sudden burst of energy.

60. The Boys
"First Time"  2:22
The Boys
London, England

It was my first time getting it on with brightly colored yellow babe before. (No, not Asian, I mean yellow…mother fucking yellow.)(The Asian barber who cut God’s hair smiled gleefully and gave thumbs up for approval.) She was wildly and crazy too… played loud music in the room and even had a group of oddball mother fuckers sit in there and watch. Next thing you know, I saw her diving off of a stage, and then was struck by some sort of flying object that soared in from the sea; seemed to give her even more energy; she was relentless after that.

59. DMZ
"When I Get Off"  5:19
Lift Up Your Hood
Boston, MA

All at once, the girls became the aggressors and the guys were acting as if they all had headaches. They all ganged up together, and then went on a rampage. The women stormed through the streets and ambushed all of the guys… tackling them in the streets and forcibly raping all of the men. As if that wasn’t harsh enough treatment, they even plundered and pillaged the homes and lit some of them on fire. But, there was something else bubbling beneath the waves as an enormous tower of dark purple rose several feet into the sky. After the aggravated sexual assault, the women flew away, and the boys could only sit on the pavement watching the gigantic purple tidal wave creep towards them.

58. The Runaways
"Born To Be Bad"  4:32
Queens of Noise
Los Angeles, CA

I didn’t give a fuck about the stupid boys we just raped and assaulted (walking with a pack of women strutting along the sidewalk, flexing their muscles.) Supposedly this had been a man’s world, and the miserable bastards fucked it all up. Now that things have changed, it is they who have only one purpose… and a barely serviceable one at that. We rule the world, just as always should have. Look what happened when we took over—the colors change, the dynamics shifted, and we all could fly. My mad desires shall forever be satisfied, because we were born to bad… not to be a servant for some dumb fuck greed worshipping man.

57. Miúcha & Tom Jobim
"Pela Luz Dos Olhos Teus"  2:46
Miúcha & Antônio Carlos Jobim
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

I had temporarily forgotten about the Earth; I had temporarily forgotten about the planet of little green dudes. My next encounter came from a world that resembled Paradise. Before, I had always defined Paradise as that world that had listened to me all along, and followed those ideas. Here, I realized that I didn’t know anything. People were attempting to explain things to me, with a cheerful smile that seemed sort of eerie, but I did not understand a word they said. In fact, for all I knew they wanted to eat me. But, my thoughts soon turned to the Earth—I needed to tell them that they could fly—who knew what they were doing. Also, I needed to figure out a way to save the green people.

56. Pavlov's Dog
"It's All For You"  3:48
St. Louis Hounds
St. Louis, MO

Jonelle finally stopped playing hard to get and engaged in that one of a kind love affair with Veraniziel. They were indeed a cute couple, even though they both looked exactly alike and somewhat resembled Mr. Plankton from Spongebob Squarepants minus the devilish antennae, but with two eyes and much more adorable. Much of their world seemed to be fading, and some of was evaporating before their eyes without them having any knowledge of it. During this, they gazed into each other’s eyes romantically with Mr. Sun smiling down upon them. And then suddenly, it was all gone and they were faced with extinction. They had to forget each other, and run away for survival.

55. Commodores
"Easy"  4:24
Commodores
Tuskegee, AL

Two days of being raped and abused by his girlfriend was long enough. The first few times she slapped him, he insisted that she still loved him…and he loved her. But this was the last draw… he had a black eye and was fed up with her. He decided that he was leaving her tomorrow… and she can run around with all the rest of them “born to bad” bitches. He packed up all of his shit while a cat played guitar and an immobile dead fish sang out a tune from the suitcase.

54. Fleetwood Mac
"Never Going Back Again"  2:14
Rumours
London, England

They had seen this before… the frightening terror that striking people and giving them energy. Lamar walked out of the house with his suitcase, declaring that he was never going back again. That wasn’t important though… the green dudes had seen this before. It was on their planet; the day before everything vanished… this was what gave them some sort of ridiculous energy for them to run frantically around the equator non-stop. Perhaps this was a warning of great danger and maybe they were in trouble again. These little green guys did not want to experience that ever again.

53. Chuck Mangione
"Feels So Good"  9:43
Feels So Good
Rochester, NY

However, as they recalled… it was the fast flying splattering objects that saved them. Their resources had already been depleted and the world altered… that’s when the fast flying splattering objects appeared. This world had shifted as well, supposedly, although they had never been here before. In the blink of an eye, they were walking along a sandy beach in the warm sunshine…this was some time in the past… this was the color the world used to be. People were playing volleyball and one of the players was chasing after the ball…nearly running into one of the green people. They ran from the ball, they ran down the beach (now mysteriously wearing jogging shorts), they ran around the world, observing all of it. More of them followed, and pretty soon the entire population was racing around the Equator of the Earth in the exact same fashion they were running around the Equator of their own planet. Except now, it was 1977…and they were able to view life on Earth as it was back in 1977. On their planet, it wasn’t 1977, and hadn’t been for a long time. And when the Earth shifted dynamics and the alterations were made, it was considered a timeless piece of unprecedented history.

52. Al Green
"Dream"  7:32
The Belle Album
Forrest City, AR/Millington, TN

The group of people led the green beings into the back of the saloon where a group of people were gathered around a smoky table. “You never knew the effects of it, did you?” They looked confused. “We’re sorry for what happened. If we were smart, we should have all worked together, and figured out a means to produce. Instead, we destroyed your land. But, there is supposedly a way to reverse the effects.” A person filled a needle, flicked it with his finger, and shot a bit of liquid from its tip. The first little green guy looked around; the fish looked concerned, but nodded their heads… Grover Cleveland nodded his. The little green dude reluctantly approached the man with the needle and he injected the substance that they all fought over into his tiny body. Immediately, the effects were marvelous… his little green mind melted as he drifted in out of various worlds occupied by elements of both the past and the future. Indeed, this could have saved them all. And, each of them took the shot… then lay on their back, on the floor, gazing at the spinning fan on the ceiling. Every person present experimented with natural substance, and all of them traveled freely to times and places unknown to most… two parakeets went into a deep dream state.

51. Grobschnitt
"Rockpommel's Land"  19:51
Rockpommel's Land
Hagen, Germany

(Skimming through the first 13 minutes) Grover Cleveland was seated at the card table in the saloon when a man entered and handed him a note. He opened the note, read it, folded it back up and put it in his pocket. The messenger whispered something to him and Grover Cleveland nodded back… the messenger left. For a short period, Grover sat there staring blankly into the void. There was an alert—Grover Cleveland removed the locket watch and chain from his pocket, opened it, read the text message, and then put it away. He whispered something to his wife Frances…she understood.

At once, all of the people who had been splattered with the high flying foreign substance shot through the sky, flying freely, flying quickly, and leaving the Earth’s atmosphere.

Grover Cleveland stood on a desolate section of the planet and watched the little green people run frantically around the circle of the Equator. He studied the movement carefully, surveying the scene, as if waiting for that precise moment. When it finally arrived, he disrupted the circle and shoved one of the little green runners out of it. It brought sheer terror to the race of little green beings; “no!” one exclaimed with a faint little high pitched whimper that sounded as adorable as it did sad…as they chased after Grover Cleveland with their little green legs scurrying across the ground. And just like that, the mode for survival had been negated… all was about to be lost as the little green people faced terminal extinction. (13:03) The high flying speedsters were quickly approaching, but it appeared they were travelling in slow motion.

Their planet stopped spinning and the poor little green people lost traction, fell, and drifted tumbling through the air. They were deathly frightened, had a blank stare in their eye, and was slowly losing grips on their own lives as death was drawing nearer. While some of them attempted to wave their little arms to try and stay afloat, most of them surrendered themselves and already looked dead.

(16:38) The residents of the altered Earth soared through sky, entering the unknown atmosphere of the planet that was finally deemed extinct. Two parakeets flew in, joining the residents; two cats as well… even ol’ Grover Cleveland jumped from the planet and flew in towards the falling dying green race. A few smugglers seeking redemption had flown in as well. I had gotten there just in time, and I brought with me several residents from the planet I had dubbed as Paradise. It was a universal unison, a quest, an attempt to rescue those in need; an attempt to reverse all of the evil that we had committed.

(18:03) A woman soared above and grabbed one of the green beings and held it in her arms. Grover Cleveland apprehended several of them, and all of those involved in the mission held on to somebody. Jonelle and Veraniziel were falling in hand-in-hand, and they were rescued by two cats joined with two parakeets… they shall be companions for life.

There was a gift that they had always had, and the smugglers (assisted with the 14 resurrections who had died during the first rapture) injected them with the luxurious fruits from their own soil. Upon injection, the entire Universe took upon a different dynamic altogether…they were no longer dying, the Universe was beautiful and they now had the power to control their own destination. With a cute little smile, they detached themselves from the hands of their rescuers, and flew freely alongside of them. The inhabitants of Paradise escorted many of them to various sectors of safe keeping. God brought a needle of his own, and injected their planet with it; within moments, all the valuable resources had returned, and the planet was back to normal… and then God disappeared.








Top Images: Suicide Girls (Left) & Spongebob Squarepants (Right) Bottom Image Left: Bird Pic Blogspot Bottom Middle: Peter Human

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