2012/11/10

The Top 50 Songs of 1977

At Last! + The Top 150 Songs of 1977
Part 1: Equation For The Meaning of Life
Part 2: A Request For Radical Change
Part 3: Learning to Fly
Part 4: Cute Little Green Mother Fuckers and The Born Bad Bitches
Part 5: Emergence of The Black Serpent
Part 6: At Last! The Greatest Come-From-Behind Victory in The History of The Universe

Part V: Emergence of The Black Serpent


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



50. Ram Jam
"Black Betty"  3:57
Ram Jam
New York, NY

Back in the day, she did have a child… and that child was born to be bad. The birth of revolutionary young woman frightened the ambassadors of Earth at first, for this child could possibly cause destruction and profoundly ruin everything. However, as she grew, the born bad wild child became an influential symbol of a much needed rebellion. It just so happened that the day after her vindictive assault on governmental authority figures, her assault on the tribunal media, and an assortment of various other attacks and demonstrations… the world changed forever.

49. Electric Light Orchestra
"Mr. Blue Sky"  5:03
Out of the Blue
Birmingham, England

Viewed from the Earth, the shooting star was magical… people pointed, smiled, and wished upon it. Viewed from the planet in which the energy from the fallen star was required to sustain life, the shooting star was perceived as a disaster and perhaps the end of the world. Nobody knew what caused it, but just like that, their sun was gone. It wasn’t the only thing vanished either, for the other stars in their alignment seemed to have disappeared also. For the few that survived, their world became a gloomy world of constant darkness and despair. Then one moment, seemingly without reason, their sky turned blue, their world was transformed into something beautiful, and was being inhabited by residents from Paradise. This is sighted as the greatest miracle in history, and a day that is celebrated annually.

48. The Kinks
"Juke Box Music"  5:32
Sleepwalker
London, England

This girl took the music too seriously. However, so did the people dancing around to the beat. Even more however, so did the band performing the song… for they would do this shit for 50 years. Then, so did the people who claimed to be offended by this noisy filth… so did the people who wanted to litter the atmosphere with sounds that would not offend those offended by the noisy filth. And while they were complaining that it was too loud, requesting the volume be turned down even though it was a downtown bar on a Saturday night… I recalled having been woke by power tools. I screamed in her face… “It’s only music, only juke box music!”

47. David Bowie
"Sound and Vision"  3:04
Low
London, England

An enormous boat was erected and then firmly mounted onto The North Pole of The Little Dude Green Planet. A significant portion of the population on Paradise boarded the stationary boat and rowed… they rowed the entire planet, cheerfully, next to the green people and aligned it perfectly. The little green dudes had been waiting for them, and greeted them with waves and cute smiles, as they were standing there holding frozen daiquiris in their little green hands. People from Paradise jumped off their planet and joined the little green dudes; many of them floated over to Paradise and hung out there with a few friends.

46. Talking Heads
"Psycho Killer"  4:21
Talking Heads: 77
New York, NY

A girl being born bad is sexy; a man being born bad generates problems. He had numerous psychological problems, most of them obvious, but they went undetected because he was a gross fat hairy male. This piece of shit had nothing to offer society based on his appearance; and due to his mental illness, his topics of conversation were diabolical and obtuse. Few people understood him. He saw Sierra walking down the street in the dark… she was born bad and had the appropriate image. Hector stalked her, and when the moment was right, he attacked… just before he reached her though, the world spun wildly out of control.

45. Brian Eno
"Here He Comes"  5:39
Before and After Science
London, England

We were informed that we would be having a dinner guest joining us this evening on Paradise. Perhaps it was appropriate, because both of us once upon a time tried to vanish also. And he came floating through the sky, some guy named Hector wearing a terrifying “Leatherface” style killer’s mask and holding a long vicious looking knife. He looked so confused as he floated through the heavens and down to our table… we greeted him with a smile… as did all of our friends who joined us. It had been years since anybody tried to reason with this person; it had been years since he tried to reason with himself. I greeted him with smile, “all dirty looking serial killer you,” I said cheerfully as I tugged his cheek. Some guy massaged his shoulders, and a little green dude injected the cure. For the first time in history, his world was transposed into something beautiful; the alfalfa sprouts on this salad is just to die for!

44. Richard Hell & The Voidoids
"Blank Generation"  2:45
Blank Generation
New York, NY

Get this shit, after we rescued all of the green dudes and I was reunited with all my people from Earth, none of us knew directions how to get back. At least they figured out they could fly. But, nobody had any idea how to get back. Many of us speculated whether or not there was even anybody who remained on Earth… it’s not that it was damaged. “Oh well,” we said with a shrug…fuck it. We had a great time that night, and had a huge fucking party to celebrate being permanently lost.

43. Tom Robinson Band
"2-4-6-8 Motorway"  3:20
2-4-6-8 Motorway
London, England

“Yo homie,” he said stopping the stranger he had never seen, “I like that Leatherface mask you got there.” The man who was simply more comfortable wearing a ski mask stood there examining the mask nodding his head in approval… “I LIKE that.” They stood there staring at each for a moment… reformed serial killer in a Leatherface mask; big man just comfortable in a ski mask. It seemed awkward at first, but it seemed so natural… they hugged and then made out on the sidewalk. As they were French kissing, a group of little green dudes happily skipped by to the beat and a few parading women twirled by doing cartwheels.

42. AC/DC
"Let There Be Rock"  6:06
Let There Be Rock
Sydney, Australia

The two masked lovers were separated by an arbitrator who insisted that they need to learn a valuable lesson… “too beautiful is ugly,” she said to Leatherface, then turned to the guy in the ski mask, “too ugly can be beautiful.” They were escorted to Paradise and brought on the stage where they were unsure what to say to the crowd. They need not say anything… a band of fish stormed the stage with guitars and ordained… “Let there be rock.” Everybody was thrashing around, playing loud music, drunk, stoned, and acting fucking crazy. The two masked lovers glanced over at the arbitrator, an elderly woman about 80 years old and conventionally dressed… she nodded to them and insisted it was OK. They jumped up and down on the stage, dumping beer on each other, and eventually leaping out into the crowd.

41. The Outsiders
"On The Edge"  3:55
Calling On Youth
London, England

A fish took the mic… Introducing, The Little Green Mother Fuckers. After the introduction, a little green dude cranked out a crunchy riff on his guitar and the rest of the band kicked it in with a tight solid beat. What a history of turmoil they had endured! They saw their world come to an end, ran around their equator for years, stared in the face of death, and even when they were rescued, several of them were brutally raped by some born bad bitchy Earthling females. It gave them that edge though, as they were now prepared for anything, and could handle it.

40. Chrisma
"What For"  3:42
Chinese Restaurant
Milan, Italy

Knowing how history had perceived him, Grover Cleveland returned to Washington circa 1894. He erected a stage in front of The White House and brought with him some musical equipment from the future in which he returned. A crowd of people gathered around the stage assuming they would hear a state of the Nation address. Instead, he ignored them, adjusted the volume levels of various speakers and amplifiers that had not even been invented yet, and was joined on the stage by a little green mother fucker, a gay blue fish, and a born bad chick in a black leather outfit smoking a cigarette. He spoke not a word, jumped up and down when the little green mother fucker stomped on the pedal of the kick drum, and shouted into the microphone while the blue fish and the bad girl rocked out a beat. The crowd stared in awe…this was unlike anything they had ever seen. At last, something revolutionary had taken place. It was that sole transcendence in time that altered everything.

39. Motörhead
"The Watcher"  4:29
Motörhead
London, England

A gunman from the old west was brought along to several years into the future in a different world altogether. He did not witness the legendary Grover Cleveland punk rock performance and found himself far removed from everything he had ever known. The saloon was still there, but the colors were different. His style of dress represented that of the typical cowboy, brown suede, thick mustache, a cowboy hat, boots, and a holster. Where he came from, nobody smiled, and some believed his gritty image was incapable of laughter. Hank, as he was called in the old days, was joined by a man in a ski mask, and some other dude in a Leatherface mask. This was the posse… the trio of bad dudes that the girls never messed with.

38. Popol Vuh
"Blatter aus dem Buch der Kuhnheit"  4:14
Herz aus Glas
Munich, Germany

Those who remained on Earth questioned where it had all gone wrong. At first, they were somewhat happy to everybody leave. However, they depended on those people for personal happiness… they were once companions. They questioned what it was, exactly, that turned everybody against them. This was, after all, Earth… where they were born and had obligations to blindly support all things regarding the policies that illustrates life on Earth. God encountered those who remained and held a press conference with a question and answer session to possibly resolve some issues.

37. Steely Dan
"Peg"  3:56
Aja
Los Angeles, CA

The born bad girls insisted the women from the Green Planet needed to upgrade their image. They rounded up several of the little green bitches and decorated them with sleek leather skirts, make-up, and even gave some of them tattoos. With their new image, they suddenly became a hot commodity as people from all over The Universe snapped pictures of them as they smiled for the camera. Unfortunately, because they all looked exactly the same, a few of the men were dolled up to look like sexy babes and they felt something did not feel right about it. Somehow, someway, the blue fish just happened to be most attracted to the boys dressed in drag.

36. Ennio Morricone
"Regan's Theme (Finale)"  2:58
Exorcist II: The Heretic
Rome, Italy

And so the people on Earth came to the realization that many of things they had staunchly stood for ended up being perceived as wrong, and the major cause that contributed to so many people darting for the exits the first moment they could. In the first move to redeem all of the past failures, a man unfolded a large map and mounted it to the wall for all of the spectators in the world to see. He pulled out an eraser and erased the borders of the area that he called home… set down the eraser, then walked off the stage and sat down without saying a word. There was a brief moment of silence, but then another man stood up, walked up on the stage, and he too erased the borders of the area he called home. (Applause) One by one, all of the borders were erased, and for the first time in a long time, the people of Earth were unified.

35. Blue Öyster Cult
"Goin' Through the Motions"  3:12
Spectres
Stony Brook, NY

It suddenly occurred to them that all of the issues they had been fighting and killing each other over were nonsensical anyway. They had fought over territorial disputes, resources, fabricated morals, and even disrespected their own differences. One by one, gradually, they shrugged off all of the elements that they had deemed important; just threw them away, smiled, and shook hands with a random stranger who was glad to see it finally removed. Finally, a family entered God’s chambers… the man knelt before God showing him a book while his wife sat on the arm rest of the throne and the daughter sat on his lap. God examined the book and nodded his head with approval. He retrieved the mouse, maneuvered it over the book the man had presented, highlighted the words “The Ruling Class,” and pressed delete. This too, forever changed the world.

34. Dennis Wilson
"Rainbows"  2:50
Pacific Ocean Blue
Inglewood, CA (1944)-Marina del Rey, CA (1983)

In Paradise, they never had slavery. Of course there wasn’t, else it would fail to be considered Paradise. Over there, they embraced a multitude of colors and multidimensional personality traits. They even hoped that more people would be born of different colors; and the goal was to have all colors represented. Most people’s ideal goal is to achieve Paradise at the exact location they are living. However, if they wish to establish Paradise, it makes no sense whatsoever to engage in the practices that disqualify the notion of being considered Paradise. On that note, it had become essential to discredit all elements, no matter how essential they had once been deemed, that did not pertain to Paradise. Was this Paradise? If the answer was “no,” than that aspect needed to be disregarded. All eyes shifted to the concept of currency.

33. Supertramp
"Downstream"  4:04
Even in the Quietest Moments...
London, England

Out here, we had found Paradise… all 8 of us. We shared some wonderful magical moments, and it seemed that alignments within the Universe were destined to draw us together. Sure, we were all different… me, some social misfit with my girlfriend who happened to mysteriously fly to retreat I chose to escape to, two parakeets—a green one and a blue one, two cats—a black one and a white one, and two little green mother fuckers (they looked exactly the same though). Regardless, we could fly, but we set sail downstream in a boat, and simply enjoyed all of the gorgeous scenery without a problem or a care in the world. Nobody hear had issues and they all waved to us with smiles as we rowed by.

32. Ultravox
"Distant Smile"  5:21
Ha! Ha! Ha!
London, England

A large monstrous snakelike water creature roamed in the waters, swimming towards the top of the waves, and then descending down into the deeps of an ocean that connect various channels of The Universe. People feared this creature for it appeared humongous and obviously dangerous… it had no companions and could easily devour any being of normal size. The moment arrived and it showed its’ head and bared its’ teeth… it stood straight up out of the water and the serpent instilled fear everywhere. Something is lurking in the water and everybody needed to be aware. The fish never stopped partying though; and the fish that emerged from the lake where the sea creature dwelled acted strangely... provided some odd sounds and shifts in the band’s behavior. This was strange, but beautiful at the same time.

31. Split Enz
"Charlie"  5:29
Dizrythmia
Auckland, New Zealand

The black serpent is among us. Fear hovered over the streets as the fog lingered in the gloominess. People stood in front of the brick buildings, warding off the chill, reflecting back on the worst fear. The prophets had predicted that this day would be approaching, and now it finally arrived. And the day resembled exactly how it was predicted, dark and gloomy, with a shivering stillness. They walked in fear for they knew it was the day of the end.

30. Iggy Pop & James Williamson
"No Sense of Crime"  3:43
Kill City
Ann Arbor, MI

We rowed our boat out into foggy sea, knowing that out there, somewhere, the creature lurked. Remember that time so long ago, back when assumed that all hope had faded? Those hours of waning loneliness compelled us to negate the distractions, overcome the obstacles, and unite with our differences. But, it was a massive struggle, and many of the struggles tarnished history forever. It would be difficult to wipe the slate clean, be we had to defy all conventions, violate some principles, and risk some happiness in order be we were today… which was about to be drowned in an eerie foggy lake.

29. Caetano Veloso
"Odara"  7:16
Bicho
Santo Amaro da Purificação, Brazil

The ground rumbled and all people stopped immediately and froze. It was the descent of the black serpent, which plowed beneath waves, and submerged into the ground beneath. And up he rose in a new place called Paradise—a place he had never seen before. These waters felt warm and tranquil. But, the beauty of surrounding environment may have proved a different threat altogether. Everything was beautiful on the surface, but beneath the waves, pure evil bared its’ ugliness. Grover Cleveland set down his cards and peered out from the top of his glasses; Frances patted him on the leg as if all was well. She stood up and danced elegantly to the music; slowly. It should be fine; Grover injected the cure, glanced at the cards, and everybody was fine… just enjoying somber bliss, should such a thing ever be obtained… only in Paradise—fuck New York.

28. The Residents
"Walter Westinghouse"  8:03
Fingerprince
Shreveport, LA

As the peaceful group continued to row the boat through the golden waves of Paradise, the black serpent was visibly surfacing from the Sea. A slow talking southern accented puppet was fishing from a sandy island in the sea—he seemed so happy as he was reeling in objects instead of fish—he caught a brand new sewing machine, applied to the stringer with the rest of the goods he obtained and cast his pole back out into the water. The waves heightened and splashed up against the side of the boat. People of Earth saw the terrifying creature creeping around in the waters and stood up as if there was a great danger. Petrified, they tried to warn the others.

The black serpent gradually caught the attention of everybody, as they all watched in fear as the humungous sea monster lurked in the waters, closing in on the boats enjoying the tranquility.

It was a little green mother fucker that shouted first… with his tiny high pitch voiced chirping out inaudible syllables while pointing at the sea creature. However, the little green mother fucker bore a huge smile. All the other little green people jumped up and down for joy and went into a frenzy making sounds that resembled a bunch of Ewoks from Return of the Jedi. They raced their tiny little legs towards the water then realized they could fly… soared over the water the rest of the way.

At that moment precisely, the black serpent was creeping alongside the boat. The two people rowing were startled and backed away in fear. The cats and parakeets were a bit alarmed also and prepared to defend themselves. However, the two little green mother fuckers smiled gleefully and jumped out of the boat onto the serpent. Within seconds, all of the little green mother fuckers were standing on the black serpent, lined up all along it, and they ran as fast as they could…spinning the black serpent around in the water like a rolling log. And to the biggest shock of everybody, the black serpent smiled and laughed loudly while the little green mother fuckers spun it around in the water. They all seemed happy, and the black serpent had a contagious jolly laugh.


27. Meat Loaf
"Paradise by the Dashboard Light"  8:30
Bat Out of Hell
Dallas, TX

Reflection of the past… a day that changed The Universe forever. Prior to taking office, Grover Cleveland purchased his underage girlfriend some booze and the two were drinking and having fun behind a shed. He leaned in for a kiss and the two young lovers were making out passionately. Things were getting steamy, as Grover had her blouse unbuttoned, worked his way up her skirt, and pulled off her panties. Right as he was preparing to lift up that dress and wear it right there on the grassy hill, Frances Folsom pulled his hands away and yelled: “STOP RIGHT THERE! I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW…”

A fish jumped out from behind the bushes with an electric guitar and strummed a riff while Frances sang the essential questions to Grover Cleveland. A little green mother fucker was playing piano, and the rest of the band was intact… they seemed more enthused for Frances than Grover.

Back then, Grover Cleveland was uncertain how to respond to this. He sang back to her, declaring he needed to sleep on it. You know the drill… Grover and Frances Cleveland singing the interludes of Paradise by the Dashboard Light with a band of gay blue fish, born bad babes, and some little green mother fuckers… it’s perfect.


26. The Nightmare (Jim Henson/Frank Oz)
"Riverbottom Nightmare Band"  3:41
Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas
New York, NY

With their best friend back in the forefront, the little green mother fuckers felt as if they could compete in a talent contest against the bad girls. They were in the dressing room applying eyeliner and decking themselves out as a rock and roll band. For the first time in history, the little green mother fuckers sounded like a posse of badasses… and the crowd was wowed when the black serpent sneered, towered high over the staged, bared his teeth, and shouted “River Bottom Nightmare Band” at the mosh pit and stage divers that erupted for the performance. The girls even cheered!







Top Left Image by: Tammy Otis
Top Right Image by: Q13Fox
Bottom Image by: Suicide Girls

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