2012/11/10

The Top 100 Songs of 1977

At Last! + The Top 150 Songs of 1977
Part 1: Equation For The Meaning of Life
Part 2: A Request For Radical Change
Part 3: Learning to Fly
Part 4: Cute Little Green Mother Fuckers and The Born Bad Bitches
Part 5: Emergence of The Black Serpent
Part 6: At Last! The Greatest Come-From-Behind Victory in The History of The Universe

Part III: Learning to Fly


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



100. The Soft Boys
"The Face of Death"  3:16
Give It to The Soft Boys
Cambridge, England

At first, I wasn’t certain, but then I remembered he declared that I needed to have faith in him. And so I opened that window, and I leaped out of it. I didn’t really know what I was doing at first and simply dropped to the ground and landed in a pile of bushes. But, as I sprang out of those bushes, I jumped higher than I was able to before. It was scary at first, and I was actually eager to return to the ground after only soaring about 5 feet in the air. The next jump, however, I soared through the sky… towering high over the buildings and into the clouds.

99. Radio Birdman
"New Race"  2:44
Radios Appear
Sydney, Australia

Everybody on Earth was able to fly. However, I did not tell any of them. Not that I was planning on keeping it a secret, I figured that they would see me flying and attempt to come after me. But once I was in the air, I sort of forgot about it. I halfway expected to see a group of people behind me, but they never showed up… I suppose it never occurred to them that they could fly.

98. Parliament
"Wizard of Finance"  4:25
Funkentelechy vs. the Placebo Syndrome
Detroit, MI

It was on this day that the world changed colors, took on different shapes, and everything was altered completely. However, nobody knew exactly what was happening or why. It’s not like people woke up and somewhat suspected that they now had the ability to fly. The changes were extraordinary; it was as if we awoke on another planet. Marlena baked a cake that day, a red velvet cake, and she opted to cover it with cream cheese icing. Most assumed that the cake was so good that it made the sun smile... that cake was able to instill massive changes; had the ability to change the world.

97. Charlie
"Turning to You"  3:10
No Second Chance
London, England

Still, nobody came. After I traveled halfway across the galaxy, I decided that I needed to return to Earth and inform the others that they too were able to fly. However, I somehow got turned around in a strange sector of the galaxy and was lost. Out here, all these planets and shit started all looking the same. I was completely clueless which direction was even North or South and it wasn’t as if I could stop and ask directions. I tried to turn to some strange being floating around out in the middle of nowhere for assistance, but the mother fucker didn’t understand a word I was saying… the little prick was unresponsive as well.

96. The Stranglers
"Peaches"  4:07
Rattus Norvegicus (IV)
Guildford, England

I happened to be outside when the world shifted dynamics and changed colors. It was a marvelous effect to say the least, and then I decided to walk the beaches. Yes, the sands and the waters looked marvelous, but these women on the beach even looked better than before. They were sexy to begin with, but with the shift in color, coupled with the skimpy outfits they were wearing, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them.

95. The Jam
"The Modern World"  2:33
This Is the Modern World
Woking, England

While I was soaring through the galaxy trying to find my direction back to Earth, I stumbled upon two Earthlings on another planet—a man and woman having sex underneath an isolated tree. I didn’t know they were fucking at first, and felt bad that they stopped just because of me. But to my surprise, the lustful couple was none other than Grover and Frances Cleveland standing stark naked on some desolate planet far removed from everything. “Grover Cleveland?” I was shocked and thought he was dead—“how did you get here?” A few people jumped out from behind the bushes (politicians in suits and ties) with guitars and Grover Cleveland snarled, “This is the modern world!” Apparently, Grover knew he could fly and never really died.

94. The Vibrators
"Baby Baby"  3:41
Pure Mania
London, England

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore on this beach and decided to take some action… to get me some action. I approached this woman who, in my humble opinion, looked the finest after the alteration. Her long slender legs now appeared to be blue, and I envisioned her to have blue titties and odd colored nipples. I had no idea what I looked like, but I tried everything I could to lure this foxy blue woman to my home to use a little of her time, and hopefully this blue bitch would be my girl.

93. Skrewdriver
"I Don't Need Your Love"  2:02
All Skrewed Up
Blackpool, England

As for me, I was feeling the same way. This chick was lying on the beach wearing a thong bikini and her perfectly shaped ass was now orange with violet polka dots. Something about those polka dots aroused me, but something about that thong indicated that maybe she wasn’t perfect marriage material. I just wanted to fuck her, not fall in love… and I downright asked her that. The world had shifted… she threw me down in the sand, ravaged me, and when she was finished (not me) she wiped off and went back to her business… ignored me, and even shooed me away with the wave of her hand.

92. Mick Farren & The Deviants
"Outrageous / Contageous"  2:10
Screwed Up
Cheltenham, England

There was an object stuck in a tree which would normally be just out of reach. However, when I jumped up to try and hopefully tap it away, I suddenly was able to leap extremely high and easily retrieved the object. It was a strange feeling, downright outrageous, but it was also contagious because I couldn’t stop doing it. I found myself jumping up and down in the street, sometimes leaping 10 feet into the air… then did this to try and impress the ladies. It worked, because next thing I knew I had a crowd following me… that’s when I started to show off.

91. Blondie
"Denis"  2:15
Plastic Letters
New York, NY

I was, like, walking down the street, and this dude could totally jump high in the air… it was almost as if he could fly. It was love at first sight for me, all I ever wanted was to date a boy who could jump high. He jumped once, and it seemed as if he was floating… I totally had a crush on him. His shirt raised up a bit and I jumped up to try and touch it, and then realized that I could soar too. We embraced in mid-air and twirled around in circles—horizontally.

90. Elvis Costello
"Less Than Zero"  3:19
My Aim Is True
London, England

The most successful strategies are the ones designed for EVERYBODY to succeed. Over time, people will not be willing to heavily contribute when the ultimate goal is for one or two people to reap massive rewards. When all persons involved all prosper, the chance of success is more likely. The gift had been granted to everybody, and this meant that those living under oppressed conditions being forced to obey the rich man with the swastika tattoo were now free… and they darted away the first opportunity they could.

89. Elis Regina
"A Dama Do Apocalipse"  4:05
Elis
Porto Alegre, Brazil (1945)-São Paulo, Brazil (1982)

I was prepared to commit suicide for I had grown utterly disgusted with this wretched society. When the world changed appearance, I thought that was a sign that it was coming to an end. So I climbed up on to that roof, the one downtown on the skyscraper… I took one last glance at the world, and off I jumped. (Screen does not show descent; rather remains focused straight ahead, POV from the rooftop). Mysteriously, I never landed, and about minute later, I flew back on top of the roof. “Bizarre,” I thought, must not be meant to be today.

88. Joan Armatrading
"Willow"  4:06
Show Some Emotion
Basseterre, Saint Kitts and Nevis

After the miracle, I thought about calling somebody to tell them about it. But, let’s face it, I did not have very many friends these days, and I pretty much hated every single guy who tried to put the moves on me. In fact, it’s safe to say that I hated everybody, which was why I wanted to jump from that roof in the first place; I did not feel like explaining this to anybody. So, I jumped again… and this time when I flew, I soared up over that roof and flew all over the city. Fuck it, if it wasn’t meant to be, than I was going to try to make the best of it… or at least utilize my powers to escape from it all… nobody could touch me up here.

87. Emmylou Harris
"When I Stop Dreaming"  3:16
Luxury Liner
Birmingham, AL/Nashville, TN

In what seemed no time at all, I had left the city and found myself in an isolated forest. To be honest with you, I had no idea where I was. Ever since I was a little girl, I had dreams of being something that it appeared the world could not offer me. Maybe these changes that mysteriously happened were an indication that things were going to become more suitable. Unfortunately, I could never forget all of the horrible things I endured, and how people treated me because I was perceived as different. It was time to test just exactly how far I could fly; I would not miss this world, and was happy to no longer be a part of it.

86. John Martyn
"One World"  4:10
One World
New Malden, England (1948)-Kilkenny, Ireland (2009)

This was a cold and lonely world, and that was why I opted to withdraw completely out here in the middle of nowhere. My little world changed colors one day, and what was even more peculiar, some girl who I had never even seen before landed here from out of nowhere… and then flew away. I know that I saw it, I hadn’t taken any drugs. I wished that I could fly, and for the hell of it, I tried it. For a few moments, I merely floated, hovering over my little region in disbelief deciding what to do. It would be creepy if I followed her, but I soared in the same direction anyway.

85. The Marshall Tucker Band
"Heard It In A Love Song"  4:57
Carolina Dreams
Spartanburg, SC

I had drifted this far away because I felt as if I didn’t need anybody; I didn’t need no woman, no friends, no companions period. However, during my entire period of isolation, I had imaginary conversations in my head, frequently masturbated, and constantly visualized what my ideal dream woman would look like. It’s not often that a beautiful violet girl with a black stripe down the middle of her face visits from out of nowhere and then suddenly flies away. Yup, I believe that was the moment I officially fell in love—she looked the part, but I never dreamed that she would be able to fly.

84. Johnny Rivers
"Swayin' To The Music (Slow Dancin')"  4:03
Outside Help
New York, NY/Los Angeles, CA

I landed on top of a mountain. I landed on top of that same mountain. I looked at him… holy fucking shit, he was fucking hot! He was solid white with solid black glowing eyes and his hair was a deep electric blue… badass, I’ve never seen that before. I looked at her… holy shit, she was fucking hot! She had the most gorgeous violet complexion and a sexy black stripe down the middle of her head… I gazed into her deep crimson eyes. It just happened the same way we were able to fly, sudden, abrupt, one embrace, one kiss, and floated into the air with hearts fluttering… we joined hands and soared away.

83. Glen Campbell
"Southern Nights"  3:01
Southern Nights
Billstown, AR/Phoenix, AZ

There was a festival in the park. A stage had been erected in the grassy field, tables, and lights were strung out across the wires, across the stage, and in the trees. When the band hit the stage, everybody was in joyful celebration… summertime, good times, music, dancing, and smiles. This guy grabbed this girl, took her hand, twirled her, and then tossed her into the air… she never came down and was up there boogie-ing down—man! Shit. Some guy from the back came flipping through the air.

82. Linda Ronstadt
"Blue Bayou"  3:55
Simple Dreams
Tucson, AZ/New York, NY

I went fishing the other day in Sheboygan, Wisconsin and you’ll never believe what happened. I was just sitting there on the dock when my line had a little tug and then started acting strangely. My line was actually coming back out of the water without me reeling it. And then, no fucking shit, not lying, a fish climbed up the dock ladder carrying my line her hand. How do I know it was a female? Because the fish had tits, and was wearing a two-piece a bikini and lipstick. The fish carried my hook, with the worm still attached, up to the dock and handed it to me, all the while she sang a very beautiful song and danced around the pier. The other guys saw it too, and we all took off our hats and watched the wonderful performance… and we all cried.

81. Metro
"One-Way Night"  5:54
Metro
London, England

I was fishing the other day too. It was a relaxing day, and I was just kicked back in a lawn chair, relaxing, watching my pole. A peculiar stranger started talking to me—shit man, I didn’t even know anybody else was around—I was halfway nodding off. Then, suddenly the water was weird colors and I don’t even know what the hell my pole was doing. I looked over to see the stranger talking to me, and I shit you not, there was a mother fucking 6 foot tall blue fish sitting in a lawn chair beside me… and he was fishing too. I was sitting there looking stupid with my mouth gaping wide open while he was philosophizing about how crazy the world had become. Then, I shit you not, the God damn fish reeled in a dude… who proceeded to pull the hook out of his bloody mouth and then kissed the fish… they was fucking faggots! Fish faggots at that. I shit you not.

80. Iggy Pop
"Nightclubbing"  4:14
Devotion
Muskegon, MI

The male stripper took the stage dancing to the beat. All of the guys in the audience cheered loudly for the apparent hunk prepared to perform. He unbuttoned his shirt, took it off, twirled it, and tossed it into the crowd. However, when he unbuttoned that shirt, underneath, he was a fish. Suddenly, the club was filled with cool looking gay fish, blue fish, wearing black jackets and smoking cigarettes… the walls were orange and smoke filled the air. The half man/half fish male stripper hopped on the shoulders of the gayest fish of them all and they exited the building… mother fuckers were seen parading around town wreaking all sorts of havoc.

79. UFO
"Lights Out"  4:33
Lights Out
Enfield, England

During the night, the streets were filled with walking fish and people emerging from dark alleyways joining them. They entered numerous establishments, and lived wildly… snorting lines of cocaine and downing purple fizzy drinks that seemed to have some sort of exotic effect. By the end of the evening, they were joined by what seemed to be the whole town, and some of them flew into the sky, busting out street lamps and causing a disturbance. The lights were no longer needed, for with the change in colors, it always appeared to be daylight.

78. Scorpions
"The Sails Of Charon"  4:25
Taken by Force
Hannover, Germany

When I go out for lunch with my nephew and all of his teenage friends, I dress as sexy as possible. I wear extremely tight pants that modify my ass, a low cut shirt that reveals my stellar cleavage, and I allow my shirt to drape over my shoulder—exposing as much of my sexuality as legally possible. Even in the summertime, I wear extremely short cut-off shorts and short skirts, frequently flashing these teenage boys my panties or giving them a nice prolonged glimpse down my shirt. Yes, it’s just me dressed like a sexy porn star surrounded by 14 year old boys. I am constantly catching these boys trying to peek down my shirt or cop cheap feels on my ass and legs. Occasionally, I allow a couple of them to actually have sex with me. One day, however, I had to stop because some elderly woman perceived my attire as "wrong." And then another day, everything changed... just like that, I had zero appeal.

77. Triumph
"Rock 'N' Roll Machine"  6:54
Rock 'N' Roll Machine
Toronto, ON, Canada

It was first grade show and tell, and little Mikey brought with him a guitar to show his classmates. He awkwardly talked about his guitar and the teacher found him adorable. However, not long into his presentation, little Mikey grabbed the skin of his face and pulled off a mask… little Mikey was a blue fish. As the rest of the class was stunned, Mikey, now a fish, grabbed the guitar and unleashed sonic terror for the whole class to enjoy. After his performance, he busted out the window with his guitar and flew away.

76. George Thorogood & The Destroyers
"One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer"  8:27
George Thorogood & The Destroyers
Newark, DE

All sorts of shit happened that day. Let’s back it up a bit. While the world was still that dismal color, I lost my mother fucking job. Shit led to shit and next thing you know my ol’ landlady was being a real bitch. My ass was on the verge of getting thrown out and then the world changed colors. Ol’ landlady was fucking green, and my God damn apartment looked like a hurricane hit it. I was like, fuck this shit, so I went and had a drink at some dive bar that was located some 50 years into the future. Mother fuckers were acting crazy and shit, and there were all these damn fish running around dancing on the fucking bars and shit. Fuck it, I thought, I’m getting fucking hammered… what the fuck do I have to lose. But, there was some sort of futuristic element taking place and nothing seemed to happening accordingly with conventional wisdom. A mysterious object vibrated in my pocket… some sort of phone gadget. I opened it, and there was a text message… from none other than Grover Fucking Cleveland.

“Yo, what up dog? Long time no see. Me and Frances just be chillin’ up here on the DD-55, come join us.”








Top Left Image by: Guitar Fish @ Harmony Central Forums
Top Right Image by: CirclePosts
Bottom Left Image by: Get The Label
Bottom Center Image by: Goldenline
Bottom Right Image by: Gaming Irresponsibly

1 comment:

  1. I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

    ReplyDelete

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