Unreliable Narrators + The Best of 1971

Unreliable Narrators + The Best Songs of 1971
Part 1: Voyage on a Sunken Ship
Part 2: The Dead, The Living, Rabbits, Leander, and Archibald
Part 3: Unreliable History
Part 4: The Next Era: Great Change or Extinction
Part 5: Phase I of The Greatest Come-From-Behind Victory in The History of The Universe

Part I: Voyage on a Sunken Ship

Press play hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

130. Rita Coolidge
"Seven Bridges Road" 6:00
Rita Coolidge
Nashville, TN/Fallbrook, CA

In many cases, it’s not the fall from grace that is most painful; its knowing that a decision was made to take that leap in the first place. And, the perception of that place in which one took that plunge will be forever altered, as will the spot in which the landing occurred. That’s when the time comes to embark on that ultimate quest—the beginning of the greatest come-from-behind victory in The History of the Universe.

129. Charley Pride
"I'd Rather Love You" 2:47
I'm Just Me
Sledge, MS/Dallas, TX

Austin Pierre considered the risk worth taking. He knew that Allison Marie was not the most ideal woman for a long-term relationship, but he loved her anyway. Even if they only lasted a few short days, that would be sufficient enough for a lifetime of memories, than to have never experienced the sweetness of those succulent tits of hers. It was risky, but he did it; stayed with her for a grand total of 19 days, and even caught a brief glance of her ample breasts.

128. Jackson 5
"Never Can Say Goodbye" 2:57
Maybe Tomorrow
Gary, IN

To her, 19 days was enough with this fucking asshole always trying to express a life-long romantic excursion down the passageways of blissful extravagance that only two beautiful hearts could ever experience. His excessive romanticism and sweetheart poetry was downright nauseating. There were lots of men eager to see her perky little titties, and she enjoyed flaunting them for excessive amounts of swooning attention. She had been gone for nearly 3 days, but Austin was determined to win her love back. It had been a painful heartbreak, but those 19 days were so magnificent that he was not willing to relinquish those passions just yet.

127. Bullet
"White Lies, Blue Eyes" 2:55
White Lies, Blue Eyes
New York, NY

His approach had significanly more meaning to him than it did for her. The reason for this was because Austin Pierre was acting in the fashion that he had been taught made him a man; that he should have the ability to conquer a woman and govern her however he pleased… and however he pleased placed strong emphasis on her physical attractiveness and little on her intellect and her personal interests. He had developed this attribute from being molded into the norms of society created by unreliable narrators. No person in his personal history of development knew anything spectacular in regards to divine human characteristics he simply saw a set of breasts and distorted all interaction with her to configure her words to somehow relate to physical attraction.

126. Grand Funk Railroad
"No Lies" 3:58
E Pluribus Funk
Flint, MI

The majority of the people who flirted with Allison Marie were the exact same person. They used the exact same pick-up lines, told the exact same stories, dressed the same, looked the same, and utilized the exact same tactics in order to try and impress her. This is that person who stumbles into a place and aggressively approaches a girl he does not even know strictly because of her ample tits. This shithead often spends lavishly on drinks for this same girl. About once a month, the salesman actually scores with a hot babe (at the expense of $683); the scantily dressed attention seeker has a slew of douches she has fucked while drunk that she dreadfully regretted for a span of 4 days.

125. Candi Staton
"Mr. And Mrs. Untrue" 3:28
Candi Staton
Hanceville, AL/Stone Mountain, GA

Sex is better for women than it is for men. There is nothing better than simply lying back on a bed, eyes closed, and enjoying the sensation of having a cock inside of me, thrusting passionately in and out of my wet stimulated pussy. It is a sensational feeling having a live element of the human anatomy inside of my body—guys do not experience this except during anal intercourse. But, they do not have pussies, and therefore have no idea what it feels like to have one massaged. Most often, we do not even have to do anything, just lay there and relax… and have repeated orgasms. Despite the fact this is such an exhilarating pleasure, I choose to only engage in this activity when it presents the opportunity of financial security. I act this way because it is how I've been taught to act... all people who lived before me, forefathers (not mothers) know what is best for everybody.

124. Ike & Tina Turner
"Proud Mary" 4:59
Workin' Together
St. Louis, MO

Unknown and unplanned. Austin needed to escape and boarded a cruise ship down the river Styx, which was now flowing blood red with several dead animals floating in it. Allison needed to escape as well, and boarded the exact same cruise ship as Austin, which was due to set sail down the Thames River into a tropical paradise that resembled interpretations of a place discussed in a popular book called Heaven. Half of the boat obviously sank, and the other half of the boat had to continuously tug the half that never had any discourse to remain afloat.

123. Don McLean
"American Pie" 8:39
American Pie
New Rochelle, NY

From the deep rivers filled with blood emerged a man in a blood soaked elegant suit, sunglasses, and a set of water skis. Unscathed by the continuous disastrous plunge half of the ship seemed to be unable to avoid, he merely attached himself to the ruined rear panel and enjoyed the ride, basking in the sunshine, allowing the blood from the river to splash across his smiling face. With him, nine people returned from the dead. Among them, George, Junior, Connie, Elizabeth, Donna, Virgil, Leander, a rabbit named Vernon, and the former American President Grover Cleveland. They took a seat on the back patio, enjoying cold drinks, blood, and sunshine. Junior tossed a fruity cocktail, that was in a brightly polished glass of ice decorated with an elegant purple umbrella, off the back towards the man water skiing in the river of blood; he caught the glass, sipped the straw, smiled, and waved to Junior as a token of appreciation. This was the beginning of a magical reunion.

122. Sammi Smith
"Help Me Make It Through The Night" 2:34
Help Me Make It Through the Night
Orange, CA (1943)-Oklahoma City, OK (2005)

Dead Connie descended into the portion of the ship that had sunk. During her life, she never risked exploring the pits of a distressed ship. Instead, she resided on a ship that barely floated, but at least it floated. The mere fact that it floated provided a sense of comfort; yet there was constant discomfort in knowing that she ship was never going to guide her to her desired destination. She had feared loneliness and the threat of potential failure to the extreme that she never even attempted to embark on a different journey. It was her choice; she chose to experience a sunken ship in preparation if she should encounter any obstacles during her journey. Somebody, somewhere, maybe a new set of friends she had never encountered, would help her through the night.

121. Jean Knight
"Mr. Big Stuff" 2:31
Mr. Big Stuff
New Orleans, LA

I am going to fuck Allison Marie. I know this because I am a rich man and I can do anything I want. I wear fancy clothes and I drive a luxurious automobile. Martin challenged Louis. I do not think you can fuck Allison Marie. I will bet you $50. The bet was made, and Louis approached Allison Marie the exact same way thousands of others had before him and employed the exact same methods that worked only occasionally. Allison Marie was on a journey to Paradise, an escape from past turmoil, and Louis was a representation of past turmoil. Louis informed Martin that he did indeed fuck Allison Marie, and that he owed him $50.

120. Ten Years After
"Hard Monkeys" 3:11
A Space in Time
London, England

Virgil had been killed by another man in his stint during life. The ruling of the murder was self-defense. He confessed the details of the whole ordeal and did not disagree with the ruling. I was going to rape a woman. I had broken into their home, burglarized the house, and I was going to rape the woman inside. Her boyfriend, however, retaliated, and killed me. He punched me in the throat and I died from asphyxiation. Looking back, I deserved that. Now that I have returned, it is up to me to make amends. During this stint, I do not wish to be blessed; rather, I wish to be a blessing.

119. The Undisputed Truth
"Smiling Faces Sometimes" 3:35
The Undisputed Truth
Detroit, MI

You didn’t really fuck Allison Marie, did you? No. Louis was caught in his lie and was asked to return the $50. Virgil knew this. He was met with deceit, even though that was deserved. The woman’s boyfriend smiled at him, told him that they were into kinky things in the bedroom, and they were excited for this—that he was looking forward to watching him fuck his girlfriend. While Virgil was taking off his shirt, the boyfriend punched him in the throat, and that ultimately killed him. En route to Paradise, the men in suits smiled, shook hands, exchanged cards, drank cocktails, and discussed elements of the two most important items on Earth—money and pussy—both of which equated to power.

118. Elton John
"Tiny Dancer" 6:17
Madman Across the Water
London, England

Leander was shocked that it had returned. It sat perched on the center of the ship, seated on the side that was afloat with its’ feet dangling down towards the portion that had sank. The world continued to go on without Leander, just as it did when the thing was alive. Nobody understood Leander, and was not even sure what exactly Leander even was. Many viewed Leander as a monster simply because there was not another species alive that resembled Leander. They put Leander in a freak show, and when Leander escaped, the society in which Leander longed to fit in sought to capture Leander and place Leander in a prison. It was the elements about Leander that was unknown that scared people.

117. Vainica Doble
"El Duende" 3:01
Vainica Doble
Madrid, Spain

The island seemed deserted to some. After the sunken portion of the ship finally detached itself, it crashed upon the shores of the desolate island; followed by the roaring enthusiasm of a man who had been water skiing. They swam to the shore, rising up from the blood, and explored the island. It seemed tranquil, but littered with sharp, rusted, slithers of steel. It appeared this serene Paradise had been stricken with disaster.

116. Roy Harper
"Hors d'Oeuvres" 8:37
Manchester, England

There was a 60 pound cobra loose on the island. It had escaped captivity and was being hunted by the brigade who would stop at nothing until the beast was slayed. There was perfect sunshine, a pleasant beach, palm trees, and a cocktail bar. Vacationers were lying out on the beach; however, they were but skeletons lying on beach chairs, basking in the sun. The entire beach was littered with human skeletal remains, and a body was floating in the water. Allison Marie walked the beach in deep thought, seemingly ignoring the fact that all the people relaxing in the beach chairs were skeletons. She was soon joined by Elizabeth, who had once been exactly like her, but never escaped to Paradise. After her looks depleted, nobody wanted anything to do with her—being beautiful was all she ever knew.

115. Joni Mitchell
"Little Green" 3:28
Fort Macleod, AB, Canada

Elizabeth stopped and stared at a skeleton basking in the sun on a beach chair. It looked exactly like Julie; it was Julie. She had gone to California one night and was never seen again. The skeleton of Julie sat up in the chair and grasped Elizabeth’s hand; another skeleton pleasantly strummed a guitar as Julie sang. Her life flashed before the audience; something needed to be done, and she walked from that miserable life forever. It was a sign of encouragement; for several years nothing ever went right for Julie—but she found that happy ending. As the song concluded, and the images of Julie’s life went from despair to pleasing, the cocktail lounge opened, and the skeletons were joined with an array of living people who pulled up chairs and relaxed on the peaceful beach.

114. Comus
"The Prisoner" 6:15
First Utterance
Beckenham, England

A dreadful feeling of terror presided over the island regarding the 60 pound cobra that had been set loose. It was lurking in the forest with its evil eyes watching. Leander stumbled upon the gigantic snake while wandering in the woods. There was a shared feeling of resentment as the two stared at each other, then peacefully ceased any tension and congregated amongst themselves. The cobra, Archibald, spoke to Leander and related deplorable acts of maltreatment that had been stricken upon him since being captured by the settlers of the island. They had tranquilized him, imprisoned him, and then displayed the snake proudly to tourists; they even conducted experiments on the enormous cobra, and took turns attempting to stifle the beast as if they had something to prove. It was a reminiscence of an injustice Leander knew all too well.

113. Tom Jones
"She's a Lady" 2:51
Sings She's a Lady
Pontypridd, Wales/Los Angeles, CA

Austin would never mistreat Allison Marie. Granted his primary interest were those succulent boobs of hers, he also somewhat enjoyed her presence whenever she accompanied him anywhere. He did not realize this until after she dumped his stupid ass... something changed after that. His primary goal in life was for Allison Marie to be with him everywhere he went. Even when they were not together, he still imagined that they were, and often fantasized about them doing everything together. He even assumed that if she were with him on the ship that it would not have sank.

112. Master's Apprentices
"Because I Love You" 4:31
Choice Cuts
Adelaide, Australia

A group of salesman was attempting to court Allison Marie when Austin entered the picture with a guitar, singing a love song to her. She represented the whole purpose of his life; granted it was only for a few short weeks. He sincerely loved her and it was time for him to realize that she could be anything she wanted, and he would never seek to control her—this was the first lesson learned on that day. In fact, he would not even mind if she sucked a few of these salesmen’s cocks here and there to earn some extra cash—not everything was perfect in one day; and he had been inadvertently sucking salesmen cocks ever since he took that office job in the corporate suite. And everything he would ever do in life, would be for one reason and one reason only… because he loved her the way a suburban man loves his riding lawnmower—the human race is a work in progress.

111. Out Of Focus
"Blue Sunday Morning" 8:20
Out Of Focus
Munich, Germany

The blood soaked man in the suit who water skied the entire trip was named Desmond; he had the perfect posture and seemed to know everything. He advised Austin that he needed to notice other admirable traits within Allison besides her ample breasts. Back in the day, he had a multitude of options, but committed to only one of them—and it may have unknowingly been the wrong one. They claimed that he might have even been deemed the chosen one, but heeded advice devised by unreliable sources and steered people in the wrong direction. This time, he was sent back to improve a desolate world that had been led astray down a passageway of decadence and despair. Just look at their faces; all of them feared superficial repercussions; Desmond knew of none. He returned to the Earth in unorthodox fashion to save humanity from becoming improperly proper.

110. Chicago
"What Else Can I Say" 3:15
Chicago, IL

All of those on board the ship suddenly became transparent. The skeletons returned to life and were frolicking playfully on the beach. It was a fine day, this day in the past on this island that was supposedly uncharted. Children waded in the water and proud mothers played with beach balls. Off in the distance, however, there was a disturbing blackness bubbling underneath in the waters. Those living today watched in their transparency, most of them uninterested in the historical event that took place on this day.

109. O.V. Wright
"Don't Let My Baby Ride" 3:00
A Nickel and a Nail and Ace of Spades
Leno, TN (1939)-Mobile, AL (1980)

And in one quick flash, the past adjoined the present. All of the people on board the sunken ship regained their visibility as it was now back then. The lounge opened, and the band played under the lighted canopy as men in modern day suits and ties laid out on the beach alongside those bathing suits from the roaring 20’s. A teenage girl in a skimpy two-piece bathing suit walked down the street carrying a wrench. She crawled underneath a car, lied flat on her back, unscrewed the oil pan, and allowed the motor oil to spill all over her bare body, smearing it on her legs, her back, her face, until she was covered. The girl emerged from underneath the vehicle and walked to the beach, leaving a trail of black footprints. The motor oil was her suntan lotion, and she lay out in the sun collecting the rays. At the end of the evening, there was patch of dead grass in the yard in the shape of a human body, similar to a snow angel.

108. Merle Haggard
"I Can't Be Myself" 2:54
Bakersfield, CA

I’m not sure if I killed myself or not. It definitely was not an intentional suicide, but I think I probably could have prevented it. Back then I was married, and I mistakenly married a nagging control freak bitch. For a multitude of reasons, divorce did not seem a viable option—nor was leaving her. I supposed I took that “til death us part” shit seriously. I was bitter, and I was sick to death of her constantly trying to dictate my life, expecting me to obey her commands and be the person who she wanted me to be—the person I wasn’t. I saw it coming, I could have dodged out of the way quite easily, but I didn’t; I allowed the impact to end my life because, at the time, I was mad at her. I don’t know how I feel about this now.

107. May Blitz
"In Part" 6:11
The 2nd of May
London, England

I left work bitterly angry that day. Stupidly, I allowed myself to get angry over what should have been a petty concern. I work at a grocery store and somebody had left a loaf of bread laying nowhere near it where it appropriately belonged. It was the world’s greatest mystery: “Who put this loaf of bread here, of all places?” That mysterious loaf of bread resting on an end cap plagued my happiness, and finally I had to go put the mother fucker back where it belonged. The rest of the day I pondered just who, exactly, and why, put that loaf of bread at the end of the baking aisle setting in the potato chips display.

106. Leaf Hound
"With a Mintue to Go" 4:19
Growers of Mushroom
London, England

During my last minute of existence, my head was filled with dreadful thoughts. There was no way that I was going to spend my life living in misery, and that asshole bitch that I was married to was wrecking my life. All I could think about was her nagging and complaining, and how much I never wished to see her again. As a matter of fact, I wished that she were dead, and I was contemplating hiring a hit man to take her to the lake and drown her ass. I was so consumed with my plots of murdering this filthy hoe that I stepped right into traffic. The car was coming, I could have ran, but I remained still… fuck it, fuck my life.

105. Nektar
"The Dream Nebula (Part 1)" 2:16 + "The Dream Nebula (Part 2)" 2:27
Journey to the Centre of the Eye
Hamburg, Germany

I was still pissed off about the loaf of bread lying mysteriously on the shelf as I was driving home. Some miserable fucking asshole simply stepped right out in front of me. He was up in the distance quite a bit, and I could have avoided the whole thing had I immediately applied the brakes or swerved. But, I did none the such. The moment this fucking douchebag stepped into the road, I immediately suspected that he was the fucking asshole who ditched the loaf of bread on the potato chips display. When I saw him, all I could picture was him looking around the store to make sure the coast was clear, ditching the loaf of bread, and then dashing out of the store. I was so enraged that I actually hit the gas pedal first and ended up plowing the fucker down in the middle of the street.

104. John Cale and Terry Riley
"Church Of Anthrax" 9:05
Church Of Anthrax
Garnant, Wales/New York, NY/Colfax, CA

We were walking home and it was a dismal day. The sky was gray and nobody was sure if it was going to rain or if the clouds would break and the sun would shine. What a weird fucking day that was. It was as if the whole region had become The Bermuda Triangle as the community was plagued with bizarre occurrences. Some mysterious entity from an unknown void of the cosmic Intersect Interstellar I-19 placed a loaf of bread in a bizarre location. This seemingly offset the balance of everything as the flow of humanity was disrupted by an infusion of eccentricity and paradoxical energy. On that day, the clouds never broke, and it rained frozen snow peas with an average temperature of 83 degrees.

103. My Solid Ground
"Dirty Yellow Mist" 13:07
My Solid Ground
Rüsselsheim, Germany

They’re all dead. They killed all of them. All of these people here, the skeletons on the beach, they were all killed. It was they who killed them. You know who they is; the powers that be. There was something lingering in these forests, those trees were a disturbance. There was something about the residency on this land that generated a yearning for something that was never there. An unknown happiness that required none of their dependency whatsoever troubled them. It was as if they were jealous that these people were able to sustain themselves; that they were extremely happy without their assistance. In order to make their presence felt, they sent the squad of airplanes flying over the seas. They hadn’t offended anybody, and none of the attackers had even met any of them, just simply obeyed the commander as if he was actually knowledgeable on their divine culture. As you can tell, they were rejoicing happily, many of them relaxing, not bothering anybody. Those airplanes dropped missiles, fired weapons, and bombed the innocent civilians. On that day, they all died.

102. Popol Vuh
"Vuh" 19:53
In den Gärten Pharaos
Munich, Germany

One explosion devastated the entire area. It landed in the middle of a desolate region, but was seen and heard for miles. There was a mystic vapor that swept across the island. A missile of this magnitude had never been dropped before; somebody had designed a device that was capable of producing a gas that could ultimately trigger genocide. As the red gaseous vapor slowly drifted across the horizon, the unsuspecting civilians unknowingly inhaled the fume, and never exhaled. The corrosive red smoke swept over the people and left nothing but death and decay. Not even 30 minutes ago, these fully decomposed skeletons were dexterous living humans; the device of death wiped away all of their tissues and organs that fast. It was perhaps the deadliest slaughter in history; and easily the most senseless.

101. Caravan
"Nine Feet Underground" 22:43
In the Land of Grey and Pink
Canterbury, England

We did it all for the oil, the gold, and a select few other resources. Our economy was that important, and we needed all of the valuable fineries offered on this island. Yes, we are the leaders of the free world, with thousands of miles of arable land. We had nearly 300 million people living with us, the finest schools, and everything. However, because of several inadequacies, we were never able to substantially sustain ourselves. We became excessively dependent on others and were constantly bickering about trade agreements and tariffs and what not.

My personal opinion, the conditions imposed by other territories should not have mattered to us. All we needed to do was lower education costs so that we could educate everybody; and once we had 300 million educated people working together, we could have developed advanced technologies and created more viable substitutes—that we would no longer even need oil, we would not need gold, we could grow our own food, and manufacture our own products. If anybody wished to purchase our products, they may, at the suggested retail price. And if any of our own wished to purchase products from other regions, then they may do that also, at the suggest retail price as adopted by the manufacturer.

Somewhere along the lines, we stopped manufacturing our own products, required assistance from the foreign territories, and then attempted to dictate the regulations. But this area, they were plenty wealthy with an abundance of those resources—gold, oil, and everything a great nation needs. We were the ones jealous of their freedom, so we tried to take it. Instead, we killed all of them with our much maligned missile of mass destruction. But, the weapon was so powerful that it poisoned the resources—the air here is unsafe to breath. We polluted the environment, spent billions of dollars, and received nothing in return.

Top Image by: Perplexing Times
Bottom Image by: Facebook (common)

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