2012/08/16

The Top 75 Songs of 1971

Unreliable Narrators + The Best Songs of 1971
Part 1: Voyage on a Sunken Ship
Part 2: The Dead, The Living, Rabbits, Leander, and Archibald
Part 3: Unreliable History
Part 4: The Next Era: Great Change or Extinction
Part 5: Phase I of The Greatest Come-From-Behind Victory in The History of The Universe


Part III: Unreliable History


Press play to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



75. Focus
"Hocus Pocus" 6:42
Moving Waves
Amsterdam, Netherlands

The so-called discovery of America is both objectionable and questionable. Many claim the region was discovered by Christopher Columbus—to the extreme they made it a holiday. However, we have to question how much of this is actually factual based on the fact it has been told by unreliable narrators. To begin, there were already people here, so it was hardly discovered. More than likely, numerous other explorers from across the ocean had already visited America, and at least one of these was documented—that being Leif Ericson and the Viking quest 400 years earlier. Despite the fact that this had already been determined, we have to question the intellect of people, in 1491 mind you, still believed the Earth was flat. Furthermore, these imbeciles that funded this excursion were not only supposedly of royalty, possessed wealth and power, but were also so stupid that they seriously believed the Earth was flat. Already, serious questions have been raised as to whether or not any of this is even remotely accurate as they claimed.

74. Deep Purple
"Demon's Eye" 5:21
Fireball
Hertford, England

People had been travelling back and forth across the Atlantic, but none of them were as starved for attention as the Columbus brigade. He was a spoiled brat with below average intelligence. His mama led him to believe that he was special and that he could he play in the pathetic kingdom with the rest of the Neanderthals attempting to rule the world. Christopher sought attention from his buddy Ferdinand II who reigned over Spain. They called this clown Ferdinand the Catholic, as he was so jaded by religion that he did not even notice that numerous other people had already travelled across the Ocean—and Indians were there in Spain (there are eyewitnesses who can testify that while Ferdinand was standing out in front of the grocery store handing out pamphlets, he actually attempted to convert a tribe of non-interested Indians into his religion, but they simply tossed the pamphlets into the garbage can and returned home to America).

73. Golden Earring
"She Flies On Strange Wings" 7:23
Seven Tears
The Hague, Netherlands

Ferdinand had shacked up with his own cousin, Isabella I, and was wearing it out on a regular basis. Being as she was dumb enough to 1.) hook up with the wretched Ferdinand, and 2.) fuck her own cousin, it should be obvious that she was seriously predisposed early on in life and had little influence outside her own family. She was basically confined to a royal castle with a fountain her entire life and servants were expected to pamper her. Daddy, who had never accomplished anything other than being affiliated with the long multi-generational barbaric thugs who were inhumane enough to viciously attack an innocent unsuspecting village, gave her the indication that she had extraordinary characteristics and she truly believed this asshole was telling the truth. Like her father and their idiotic inbred friends, she was cruel to the servants and viewed ordinary citizens as peasants because they weren’t born in the same inbred clan of morons as her wonderful family who thought the Earth flat and all things in The Universe orbited it. The stupid slut would frequently unleash a black rage on the slaves they ruthlessly conquered, instilling fear in them by pushing a pregnant woman down a flight of stone steps. Evil wretched cunt—affirmative; intellectual independent minded-woman—negative.

72. Leslie Bricusse & Anthony Newley (Gene Wilder)
"Pure Imagination" 4:22
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
London, England

Christopher Columbus was the only person in their little niche that had ever ventured out into society—where he was totally oblivious to his surroundings and basically made a complete ass out of himself. He overheard a group of people discussing the beauty of the Islands in which the Indians lived. It was pure paradise, as the Indians were good people who did not destroy their land with government buildings, churches, and banks. The person who had just returned, loved it so much that he even sang about it to a group of people in his commune—people who did not give a fuck about the idiots ruling the country.

71. Carole King
"I Feel The Earth Move" 2:59
Tapestry
New York, NY

Their little group that was completely oblivious to the rest of the world finally forced some slaves to build some ships (Isabella shoved one into the Ocean and drowned him; the royal family found this amusing) so that little Christopher and his platoon of douchy bros could travel across the ocean so that they would know it was really round. The fleet of ships travelled across the Ocean in the grandest fashion, periodically getting passed by other ships along the way, while the inbred royal family struggled to figure out how the boat operated. They had to turn around and Christopher had to nag his mom and dad for assistance, and they beat a slave for him to teach him how to sail. Finally, they got it going… it was a miracle, and off they travelled to write the history that would be instilled upon their sons and daughters forever.

70. Melanie
"Brand New Key" 2:24
Gather Me
New York, NY

Christopher brought along Veruca, his dumb bimbo girlfriend. Whenever she laughed, she snorted, and was a prime component in the family tree that created Miss South Carolina. So, like, we’re on, like, this shit—yea, and we’re like sailing. Like, OMG, we’re like totally going to sail right off the end of the world. Their voyage was documented much like a reality TV show—this was not only their first trip to the Indies, but it was also their first time setting foot out of their yard. These fucking douches made stupid jokes the entire way there and were a nuisance to the other ships in the Ocean.

69. Jonathan Edwards
"Sunshine" 2:19
Jonathan Edwards
Aitkin, MN

The first government sponsored crusading ship was en route to the land that had been discovered centuries ago and the crew was totally enamored with the mystical complexities of the perplexing ocean, such as fish, waves, and the fact the water was totally gross to drink. They each took turns drinking the salt water and it was a game to watch people spit the water out and make a bitter face. Among the other recreational festivities the douchy bros claimed was amusing included tossing garbage into the water to see if it would float, joking that they were miles off course and mocking a horror story, and staring directly into the sun with the telescope remarking on its beauty with their arms around each other.

68. Loggins & Messina
"Danny's Song" 4:19
Sittin' In
Alhambra, CA

Long after the obnoxious descendents of the Santa Maria laws of heredity conquered even more of the Earth and developed the next wave of power abusive currency control, Connie and Polocko fled the corrupted society in order to avoid paying the last of their earnings to the government who needed to use the money to make more advanced forms of weapons of mass destruction. The two reached the island and were met with peaceful tranquility. Money was not a concern to them, so long as they had each other. That quest for material possessions was obtuse to them, and the life right here on this beach was exactly what they always dreamed.

67. The Beach Boys
"Disney Girls" 4:12
Surf's Up
Hawthorne, CA

Connie and Polocko left the hustle and bustle of that other life behind them. Unlike their predecessors from the government sponsored reality TV show, but exactly like the multitude of explorers who made the voyage before them, they were not seeking wealth, nor trying to convert any person to their belief system, their disputable religious practices, or seeking to conquer and rule the world so that all of humanity may become exactly (and as stupid) as they. Solace was what they were after, and for the first time in their lives, they really found it. It was by far the most harmonious their lives had ever been, and they were extremely happy in their new surroundings. They had actually discovered something meaningful… the life they always wanted.

66. Badfinger
"Day After Day" 3:12
Straight Up
Abertawe, Wales

We were actually recollecting the finest days of our lives when the moment happened. All of our finest moments shared together took place on this island, ever since we left home. There were lots of us who felt this way; for this wonderful day was filled with nothing but joy. It was a retreat on Earth that proudly distanced itself from the anxiety of that other world. None of us wanted anything to do with their world, their economy, their religion, their government, or their silly quest for needless items they had considered valuable. Jeez, what is so special about gold anyway? I can think of thousands of other things far more valuable than some dirty old rocks that some asshole at the mall polished to make treacherously worthy. Us. Our world. That is more valuable than that oil.

65. The Rolling Stones
"Wild Horses" 5:44
Sticky Fingers
London, England

When the explosion hit, I was suddenly stricken with fear. And then I saw that glowing red fog drifting towards us from the trees; part of me wanted to run away and escape. But, there was nothing we could do, and I knew this. Connie looked beautiful that day, as she peered at me from beneath her sunglasses. She clutched my hand, but made no effort to retreat from the deathly gas that was approaching. I took a deep breath, exhaled, and simply relaxed. I pulled my seat up, snuggled it in close to hers, we held hands, smiled, and let our minds drift away from the gas that was drifting over us. It may have destroyed our bodies and burned our skins, but we did not even flinch—we smiled the entire time, sometimes laughed out loud…they were never going to alter our minds or break our spirits.

64. Faces
"Debris" 4:36
A Nod Is as Good as a Wink... to a Blind Horse
London, England

The decision to bomb the island was related to the military that dropped the bombs by unreliable narrators. Those who actually followed the orders and dropped the bomb which emitted poisonous gas into the environment became unreliable narrators for life. No longer would they hold any credibility for they proved that they were too easily persuaded into executing disadvantageous operations. Not a person on the island became stricken with fear as their world became engulfed with contaminated vapors—they remained in a state of bittersweet bliss as they awaited the end… the one who dropped the missile was regarded as a hero and appointed a prominent position.

63. Chico Buarque
"Cordão" 2:32
Construção
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Many people walked through the mist carrying foldable beach chairs. As the fog was thickening, they simply kicked back and relaxed as if nothing was happening. A few people poured themselves a drink at the cocktail lounge, and sat on the stools laughing about their fondest memories. The band continued to play, and enjoyed the tune, as did everybody else. Others engaged in recreational activities such as volleyball or playing around in the waves. Regardless of their own individual avocation, all people on the island made certain that they died doing something that they truly enjoyed.

62. The Stylistics
"You're a Big Girl Now" 3:18
The Stylistics
Philadelphia, PA

Out at sea, Veruca suffered with the discomforts accompanied with being away from the royal castle. Her daddy was not onboard the boat to take care of her. Throughout the duration of the trip, she was the one willing to delve the least outside of her comfort level. The slaves and servants were still expected to pamper her and treat her like a princess. All of her meals were prepared for her, and people had to wipe off her seat and clean her quarters while she acted obnoxious and said stupid things the whole time. Some of them wished to throw her off of the boat, but one slave who did not have her bunker properly dusted and he was thrown off. OMG, I can’t believe that guy let that bug into my room… like gross!

61. Flamin' Groovies
"Teenage Head" 2:52
Teenage Head
San Francisco, CA

The pagan Indians did not bow to the douchy bros who thought they were royalty; and they sure as fuck did not offer to cater to Veruca like the dimwitted squeaky voiced bimbo that she was. Furthermore, the douchy bros from the ships were completely obnoxious and everybody was completely annoyed with their presence—even the white people who had been residing there for years. Since the Indians did not cater to their unreasonable wishes, Columbus lashed out on them, stabbing an unarmed man in the chest with his sword. Blood spewed everywhere, and all of his friends rushed to save him. The bros joined in and slaughtered the entire commune and raped the women. “See, told ya we’d be able to get some pussy here.” Veruca was impressed with how easily the unarmed civilians were slain, it made her boyfriend seem sooo hot!

60. Tommy James
"Draggin' the Line" 2:46
Christian of the World
Niles, MI

There were numerous areas of the region which bestowed countless memories and a multitude of mind enhancing purposes. Even today, there are trees and peaceful retreats that few people know about. Those who do know about these cozy sanctuaries frequently wander off into exclusion to be removed from the sickening anguish of populated society. Simply put, there are people out there who are a pain in the ass, and the best remedy for peace of mind is escaping to a far off desolate region away from everybody else. Unfortunately, many of these places are “discovered” by the wrong people. Once these areas have been unveiled by the commerce seekers, the entire history of paradisiacal refuge is erased and replaced with a profit seeking establishment such as Wal Mart.

59. Victor Jara
"El Niño Yuntero" 3:46
El Derecho de Vivir en Paz
Chillán Viejo, Chile (1932)-Santiago, Chile (1973)

People have to question why, exactly, did the founding government lie about the great discovery. Furthermore, people have to investigate the validity of their lies, for they are not very good ones. How were people this stupid allowed to re-write history and eventually obtain this much power? Due to the fact that they lied, there had to have been some opposition, and that opposition was at least powerful enough to strike some sort of fear into their tainted hearts. Or, perhaps it was a guilty conscience; that over time they realized the severity of their wrongs and found it difficult to live with the guilt—just like Alan developed insanity after unintentionally killing Virgil. New stories needed to be created in order to justify a shameful past, and many people do this on various levels—I was just drunk, that’s how a half-eaten casserole dish of leftover macaroni and cheese wound up in your bed.

58. Sly & The Family Stone
"Time" 3:01
There's a Riot Goin' On
San Francisco, CA

Prior to 1492, America was an Anarchist Communist region void of any influence derived from religion or government. It was a safe haven for people who did not wish to conform to the ravishing spoilage of the society tainted by all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. In 1492, it wasn’t discovered, it was busted; similar to the police finding that distant shelter in the woods where teenagers sneak off to smoke weed. The corrupted power abusive authoritarians intruded and the freedoms of this land have diminished ever since.

57. Gong
"Mister Long Shanks" 5:58
Camembert Electrique
Paris, France

Debazzlewood spoke to the gathering of all beings now populating the island, consisting of the living, the dead, rabbits, murderers, the slain victims, Leander, a sunken ship, and a 60 pound cobra. The important thing to remember is that this island was never discovered. That island was never discovered. Nothing was ever discovered. It was those same elements that claimed to have discovered something that was already there that sought the power to destroy the facets of nature, of that, that was already there. It had all already been there, and it was always there, and it has always been. I know, because I was there when the spectacle unfolded. One day, it just magically happened… and you can see its formation taking place right now for it is still being developed. It was an accident.

56. Uriah Heep
"The Park" 5:45
Salisbury
London, England

Be wary of the 3rd Anti-Christ, it is among us. But, there was a possibility that the anti-Christ was not as destructive as he/she/it was made out to be; because the idea of the anti-Christ was created by unreliable narrators. Regardless, something had set out to destroy the plot of something, and it was lingering everywhere. An island was massacred years ago by a nation that had already committed a severe onslaught in order to obtain the nation. This was something peculiar though, something that gave off that “there’s just something strange going on” vibration. It was intensified by the fact that the miniature cobra grew to enormous mass (60 pounds) and could not be destroyed. There was something else lingering in the atmosphere.

55. Alice Cooper
"Halo of Flies" 8:22
Killer
Detroit, MI

Looking onward out upon the great sea, an enormous red fog towered through the atmosphere. Nobody knew where it was coming from or what sort of affect it was going to have. Surprisingly, it had none, at least not immediately. Within one hour, the misty fog drifted across most of the continent and then seemingly disappeared. The newscast called it a spectacle and attempted to justify the event by suggesting it was a mere illusion caused by a low pressure system… the news reporters are unreliable narrators for a multitude of reasons (all persons reporting anything with limitations of corporate sponsorship are unreliable). What it did create was a weird day in the eye of The Universe. A window mysterious burst out of a village shop for apparently no reason at all… the red fog hovered temporarily around the breakage; as did a pack of mysterious rabbits that disappeared without a trace. But, they were there… people had seen them, decent people. Off in the distance, a man named Alan was on his knees in the street, clutching his head in a state of panic. People were attempting to assist him, but he wanted nothing to do with any of them. Back on the island, a strong wind blew; two skeletons seated in chairs smiled and clutched each other’s hands while the living looked more confused than ever. Don’t worry, Vicky, the rabbits will return any moment now. Leander and a 60 pound cobra looked on, awaiting something horrific that could affect everything.

54. MC5
"Over and Over" 5:14
High Time
Detroit, MI

None of what we had ever known has been accurate. People talked about revolution, but somehow it was always suppressed. Furthermore, people refused to admit that anything they had ever learned could possibly be wrong—the most difficult thing to ever confess is an admission of guilt by means of being misguided for a lengthy period of time; an era so prolonged that it defined one’s role in life. After spending several years believing something, the average person will continue making alterations to any notion that disproves the theory. Thus, the clingy one then becomes an unreliable narrator as well; and, it is the clinging fervent loyalist who alters the sincerity of the past so that it will coincide in accordance to invalidated confutation. The end result sees a counterfeit history repeating itself.

53. War
"That's What Love Will Do" 7:16
All Day Music
Los Angeles, CA

The absolute most difficult thing to ever fathom is the notion that life is completely meaningless. That, we are only here but a short time…we were born into an indeterminate history that had already established a standard for living… we are here but for a short time… we will die soon… and we will soon be forgotten. Nobody will miss you in 100 years. In fact, once you reach a certain age, people will no longer even care about you. Once you are old, people will be annoyed by your mere presence… because you will be ugly, you will stink, you will be outdated, and ultimately, in the way of progress. Many people require the hope that something, anything, exists in the afterlife because the thought of being perished forever is unbearable. The notion that nothing you ever did will have any significant impact on the outcome of the world is too difficult to digest. And, 200 years into the future, nobody will have even heard of you, your grave will have been removed, your remains improperly disposed of, and a place of commerce will be erected over your final resting place. People who are starved for attention will seek desperate measures to assume this will never happen; or, they will consequentially defend the unreliable narratives in the gospel due to a fear that it is untrue… and that when they die, nothing, and there will be no legacy. Finding one eternal love, however, supposedly remedies all of that.

52. Yes
"Heart of the Sunrise" 11:27
Fragile
London, England

Religion was created by unreliable narrators. All of The Bible is narrated by unreliable narrators, including The 10 Commandments, which was supposedly written by God… meaning, God is an unreliable narrator. In Commandment #2, God confessed to being a jealous God… to the extreme, he will mention that 2nd in the most important list in the history of the universe. God being jealous takes precedent over killing, stealing, and getting it on with the neighbors (coveting thy neighbor’s wife, however, is more intrusive than coveting thy neighbor’s lawn shears… consistent, but unreliable due to admission of jealousy). This leads us to the greatest paradox in The History of the Universe. (Flipping through the pages of history, several pages had been torn out, along with a red note that suggested it had been omitted; reasons for omission were unknown; the missing pages were sporadic and random).

51. Captain Beefheart
"Mirror Man" 15:47
Mirror Man
Glendale, CA (1941)-Arcata, CA (2010)

We have discovered that the text of the scriptures was written by unreliable narrators, and that God also is an unreliable narrator. On that note, we have to examine all of the facets of the culture that had been deleted over the course of history as to why the existence of other Gods would even be mentioned. God was also apparently starved for attention, and could not fathom the fact that anybody would ever hate him. Allegedly, God created all of these people… in the image of himself even, in a mere 6 days. Some might suggest that God rushed the project and maybe should have put forth some more time and effort—making him an even more unreliable narrator. Or, there is a possibility that God struggles with bouts of self-loathing (why? What is God hiding? Why does God hate himself and created others to hate him too? God does not wish to be hated, and seems like he would be genuinely hurt if people hated him …This further enhances the notion that God is an unreliable narrator). If God created the Earth, all of it, AND wrote the 10 Commandments, then God fucked up severely while creating Egypt… further proof he is unreliable. Nobody has seen God since. At least he had the gall to confess to his own shortcomings, unlike the king’s who took over the world and re-wrote the documents.







Top Image by: Sweet T Design
Bottom Image by: Roisin White

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