The Best of 1978 + Crash Course
Part 1: Grave Diggers Love Deadly Bus Drivers
Part 2: The Disturbance Beneath
Part 3: Poor Planetary Disposition
Part 4: The Mysterious Obituary
Part 5: The Indestructible Distress Signal of Planet Placidity
Part 6: 26 Years Ago In the History of The Universe
Part IV: The Mysterious Obituary
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
75. The Rezillos
"Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked in Tonight" 1:58
Can't Stand The Rezillos
Hal navigated Dowetta to the next destination. The Rock and Roll Bus Machine had a large order to fulfill. Random assignments became both enjoyable and beneficial. The bills were paid. A savings account was supplied. The Dance Hall was rocking. Hundreds of people drinking, smoking, snorting, dancing. Some of them were beautiful—one of them was ugly. After The Rock and Roll Bus Machine crashed through the wall, they were all dead.
74. Sniff 'n' the Tears
"Driver's Seat" 4:03
The party doesn’t stop here. All dismembered dancers boarded the bus. They danced on the bus and smeared blood on the walls. The bus drove dead dismembered dancers daringly down Desolation Boulevard. A swarm of swashbuckling buzzards ambushed The Rock and Roll Bus Machine, busting the windows, attempting to break free. A pack of green scaled aliens stood in the street; Dowetta slammed on the brakes and the bus driver spun out of control.
73. Alternative TV
"Why Don't You Do Right?" 3:11
The Image Has Cracked
Distraught about generations of unfair treatment and being regarded racial slurs such as scavengers and common comparisons to vultures, the buzzards boldly beaked the bloodied bodies on board the bus. The feeding frenzy fluttered when a juxtaposed event jointed the extravaganza. The doors of The Rock and Roll Bus Machine opened. A bright blinding light powerfully emitted a much greater disturbance.
72. Throbbing Gristle
"Hit by a Rock" 2:33
D.o.A. The Third and Final Report
Planet Placidity became polluted. The gaseous elements of Jupiter’s atmosphere blended with the uncategorized elements of Planet Placidity. Much of the population was stricken with the terrifying combination. Smiley mascot heads rolled in agony on the Placidity surface covered with insects. Planet Placidity was infested with grotesque insects, centipedes, and parasitical life-forms unknown to the universe.
71. Siouxsie and the Banshees
"Metal Postcard (Mittageisen)" 4:15
The affliction of insect infestation caused an invasion of buzzard persuasion. There was danger looming on the horizon. One sole Placidity soul disbanded and abandoned the planet. He fell swiftly from the sky, warding off buzzard attacks attempting to eat his eye, he couldn’t fly, he died. The buzzard ate one centipede and the result ended. The scavengers mourned at the funeral. An unmarked grave—a smiley bear mascot lying in a coffin.
70. Neil Diamond
"Forever in Blue Jeans" 4:15
You Don't Bring Me Flowers
New York, NY
Upon rising from the dead, Gunther the Placiditian also took a job at K-mart. Unlike Howard, K-Mart was not the dream job for Gunther. However, Beverly who worked as a cashier in the K-Mart cafeteria was his dream woman. Even though the food was barely edible, Gunther dedicated the most positive picamentalicts of his Placidity personality so she would always eat here with him.
69. Patti Smith
"Because The Night" 3:22
Chicago, IL/New York, NY
The gorgeous gravestone graveled by the great graveyard. Gary acted as Back Drop #1. The tranquil forest as Background #2 supplied a serene setting. A table made of oak, draped with a white table cloth. Allison occupied one seat, Gary sat across from her. A candle was lit in-between them. A silver tray perched directly in the middle of the table. Gunther approached, raised the lid—one raspberry filled cupcake. Allison took one bite and hearts fluttered into the air.
68. Tonio K.
Life in the Foodchain
San Joaquin Valley, CA
The images of smiley mascot head pounding Paula’s pulsating pussy pristine pleasure plagued Promtu. She was a white girl; Diaglo was a mascot Placiditian. Her presence on Planet Placidity represented problems and a major obstecular disturbance. The infestation was not enough. Diaglo once again was summoned. Outraged with his own kind and unsure of the current whereabouts, killing Paula was not going to be easy.
67. The Dictators
"Borneo Jimmy" 4:04
New York, NY
Jimmy jumped off the roof and soared through the air. He was wearing a cheap looking cape, but could not naturally fly. As he soared, he posed the stance as if he could sincerely fly- Superman would have been impressed with this mother fucker. Towards the descent, an unmanned bicycle peddled to his landing—he landed languishly on the bicycle—which sped—and fled—straight ahead. Jimmy turned heads—waved at the crowd—feeling proud. The bicycle sped; The Rock and Roll Bus Machine sped;…they collided head on. Jimmy flipped from the bike into the windshield. Jimmy was dead. The proud crowd was wowed how Jimmy was plowed; he bowed they cheered loud.
Another Music In A Different Kitchen
The modern world differed slightly from 1746 when he died. Back then, at age 28, he was in love with a 16 year old girl. Just before being trampled and crushed to death by a stagecoach and dragged 27 blocks and eventually quartered—the aloof horse would not stop—girls were considered in their sexual prime at around age 16, 15, 12. He still has an infatuation with 16 year old girls, but it is no longer permitted. Angrily and nihilistically, he bitterly despised the modern world. He hates modern music as a result. A deal with somebody supernatural could make him 16 again, but one side of the balance would need offset.
65. Steely Dan
Los Angeles, CA
After the wonderful three night affair, Brandon researched Brenda to find out more details about her. The only evidence that matched her name was an obituary. He pulled up the obituary and analyzed the accompanying photograph—it was an exact match. More photographs indicated that it was positively most definitely her. Some personality descriptions in the obituary matched as well. She had been dead for over 26 years; he was just with her yesterday.
64. Elvis Costello
"Living In Paradise" 3:46
This Year's Model
Doug loved Penny. Doug hated everybody else who loved Penny. Doug hated all of Penny’s friends. Doug could have killed Penny. Doug could have killed all of Penny’s friends. Doug could have killed himself. Doug invited all of them to a block party. Doug invited Penny too. The group stood in the middle of the road—hands adjoined. The Rock and Roll Bus Machine was fast approaching; it was going to kill one of them.
63. The Clash
"Guns On The Roof" 3:15
Give 'Em Enough Rope
The blackened circle blackened blacker. Diaglo was summoned. The symptoms seemed symbolic of the black birth that signified salvation. Diaglo knew nothing of the mission; only hopes to return home. Saving Earth was somewhat serious; saving Planet Placidity was essential. Diaglo turned diabolical. Diabolical Diaglo perched on a rooftop ravaging a rifle like a raven. More bullets = more caskets. But the Grand Scheme of the fabricated plot was erroneous. Diabolical Diaglo turned black, like a raven, like the circle in the sky.
62. Jay Ferguson
"Thunder Island" 3:31
The scaled alien swimmers swam the Pacific to the island. A group of buzzards joined them. They came from the sky clutching a coffin in their claws. The landing was perfect. All present circled the coffin, examining it. They stood motionless in a circle alternating buzzard, alien… no two of the same species stood two in a row. With the simultaneous blink of each eye, the coffin opened revealing the contents inside. They gazed in anticipation, saw the contents, then laughed uncontrollably. All present were rolling on the ground, laughing, clutching their bellies- some had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard.
61. Tubeway Army
"My Shadow In Vain" 2:59
Black buzzards bearing black sunglasses. Black eyed aliens in black suits emphasizing the dark green reptilian scales that encombed the skin. Perched high on the clock tower, the buzzards circled the clock. At 4:29 PM precisely, the distress signal sounded; the alarm roared throughout the entire city. The black circle in the sky was clearly visible. The bus stopped. The clock stopped. The world stopped. Everybody gazed at the sky. The bicycle kept peddling. The mailman showed his hand—two black aces, two black eights, and the Tarot card of Death.
60. Dire Straits
"Sultans Of Swing" 5:49
The sun is over on that side. That’s the sun right over there. See that? That’s the sun. And over there on that side is the moon. The moon is on the other side. It looks like a total eclipse, but that is not possible. It isn’t, it can’t be. The music played, the band was good. Service on the outdoor patio was phenomenal. The band made everything better, even the black circle in the sky, even the buzzards circling the black circle. Betty nudged Diaglo—watch the guitar player.
59. Milton Nascimento
"Ruas da Cidade" 4:05
Clube da Esquina 2
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
I read that you died 26 years ago. Nah, that was just the obituary. You can put anything you want in the newspaper… pay per view, you know, they call it the classifieds. I paid money to the newspaper- a classified. Instead of selling a used piece of furniture, I wrote my own obituary 26 years ago…because I didn’t want anybody else to fuck it up. See. Look at my ID. I’m not dead. I’m only 24 years old. How could I possibly be dead?
58. The Jam
"Its Too Bad" 2:34
All Mod Cons
The black and white photo on her ID was the exact same photo used in the obituary 26 years ago. The birth date: 08/22/YEAR She was indeed 24 years old. The obituary was written 08/22/YEAR …26 years ago. Seated across the table, she was the exact image of the black and white photo of both her ID and the obituary photo. She too was black and white. It was undoubtedly her.
57. The Saints
"Know Your Product" 3:13
Bernadette bludgeoned big black bricks because buzzards boarded between buses bustling bicycles beneath broadened balconies belonging; birched belongings bequeathing boredom because buses bruisingly burst bubbles based between barbaric beasts becoming bottomless blue besuaiates blossoming binaugural bittencorps biting brown bearded bifalistionieghentrois.
Stan saw her sitting between blossoming flowers blooming black blood. He remembered her distinctly. She had written her own obituary some time ago. Some time after that, she died. Someone said she removed herself from the distinctive forms fabricating reality. Others claimed she was never there. Could she be here now? Not now, she’s dead; she’d have to be old now anyway. What was her name? Somewhere, sometime, so long ago, I believe that I loved her.
55. Kollaa Kestää
"Tähtien Rauha" 3:44
Musti, Sotakoira / Tähtien Rauha
The black circle approached slowly, clearly visible in the sky. Its mere visibility ordered an ordained ornament. Diaglo, one mascot headed resident, the hired assassin on verge of killing spree #478-16A; Mascot Head #2 saw the blue light special turn black. Paula perched privately perpetrating Planet Placidity’s puzzling discourse. She recognized the approaching planet—it was a place called Earth; she had been there before. Diaglo and Gunther knew of the vast black figure slowly approaching—it was home. The killing had to stop! The sale ended.
"Be Happy" 6:10
The sun was so far away. The moon was close enough in proximity that the proper vessel could travel there in less than a day. Planet Placidity seemed as close to the Earth as the moon. Twelve more planets aligned itself suddenly and formed a circular blockade across the Earth’s horizon. Plenty of people watched and applauded the planetary alignment. All orbited the Earth. It was a dance ritual; a message from God. Once all were properly aligned, the others disbanded. The sun. The Moon. The Earth. The black circle in the sky. Buzzards.
"Neon Lights" 8:54
The new era had bestowed upon them all. The cities full of neon lights celebrated the summoning of a black sphere in the sky. Only two knew its origination; billions had no clue what to do. One day, it was just there, out of nowhere, it just appeared. The setting of the sky was forever altered…
…the setting of the sky was forever altered. The sun was over there. The moon was over there on that side. Gazing at the sky, the mascots marveled the blue planet illuminating the crimson sky. Schrents of inquesting illuminations sparkled. Since the time they had been lost, a darkness surrounded Planet Placidity. And just like that, the power returned. The streets of Planet Placidity shun brightly in the night. Illuminating a neon light in the night sky of Earth. By day, however, the figure appeared black.
52. The Godz
"Gotta Keep a Runnin'" 7:28
(0:00-2:34) Paul the mailman showed his hand- two black aces, two black eights, the Tarot card of the 9 of swords. He reeled the massive stash of cash under fire of serious stares and sneers. Quickly, he dashed out the exit and boarded The Rock and Roll Bus Machine. Dowetta and Hal delivered him to 4646 Lake Shore Drive.
(2:34) The garage door of 4646 Lake Shore Drive opened and out emerged yet another Rock and Roll Bus Machine. A convoy of them. They pulled slowly out of the garage lining up the entire street- the whole neighborhood. Thousands of them, one-by-one; silver polished steel, different elegant designs; different logos though mostly consisting of skulls, demons, and flames. It was a rock and roll bus exhibit. People polishing their buses, smoking drugs, signaling their sign—altering the world, that Rock and Roll had created them. Sponging the buses, splashing the suds, preparing for the showdown. One lone guitar player ripped cords, revealing the demonstration was ready to rumble.
(5:21) And the convoy moved—one-by-one—like the start of a race. Picking up speed, gathering velocity, entering the assumed civilization. Gas pedals floored. The buses broke away, wreaking havoc, plowing down pedestrians, rolling over heads, crushing skulls… laughing and celebrating all the way, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon straight out of a tin can.
51. Joe Walsh
"Life's Been Good" 8:56
"But Seriously, Folks..."
Wichita, KS/Studio City, CA
The convoy cruised until nightfall and gathered at the graveyard. A bonfire was built. The drivers celebrated, cracking open tin cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon… much love, much laughter, much joy, many drugs, and mounds of cash.
The trampled victims were stacked high, neatly arranged and organized for accessibility.
From above, the grave sites had been dug. They were aligned like parking spaces in the parking garage. Carl and Sandy had created the design. The Rock and Roll Bus Machines would be stored in the parking garage. They were guests in Carl and Sandy’s home—the parking garage. They no longer relied on civilians paying $5/hr to go shopping. Life was good.
Each grave site contained a coffin and a stash of cash. The killing spree prospered prosperity…wads of cash for every victim. Life was good, wonderful. Hal put his arm around Dowetta, caressed her shoulders; they nuzzled each other’s noses and simply smiled…enjoying all the success they had just accomplished, taking it all in blissfully.
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