The Top 50 Songs of 1968

The Best of 1968 + Four Events In American History
Chapter 1: The Disappearance of the Roanoke Colony
Chapter 2: The Slave Revolt of 1712
Chapter 3: The Boston Massacre
Chapter 4: The Trail of Tears

Chapter III: The Boston Massacre

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

50. Esquivel
"Mini Skirt"  2:33
1968 Esquivel!!
Tampico, Mexico (1918)-Jiutepec, Morelos, Mexico (2002)

What a lovely day in the Boston Colony. Spring had finally arrived and those that managed to survive the winter were happy to be outside socially gathering in the streets. All of the girls looked so incredibly sexy in their corsets and the sunshine allowed them to hitch their skirts up even higher than their ankles—showing off the types of legs men found attractive in 1770. Standing on the balconies along the streets, the boys could look down and catch a glimpse of a woman’s bosom who may be passing by wearing a loose corset.

49. Steppenwolf
"Born To Be Wild"  3:33
Los Angeles, CA

Samuel Gray was a revolutionary long before the war even happened. Since the witch hysteria that took place less than 100 years ago in this vicinity, he questioned the validity of the puritanical fairytales. Upon finding the whole concept of doomed religion to be a total crock of shit, he lived life the way it was meant to be lived…making rope, hanging out at saloons, playing poker, and having wild uninhibited anal intercourse with the town whores.

48. Neil Young
"The Loner"  3:52
Neil Young
Toronto, ON, Canada

John Goldfinch hardly had any friends whatsoever. None of the members of the force liked him, the colonists hated him, and his own mother even despised him. Rumor had it that Jesus returned to Earth specifically to inform Goldfinch that he loved all people except him, called him a dirty cock sucker, slapped him upside the head, and then left. Supposedly the slaps hurt even worse because of the holes in the hand—reportedly Jesus was wearing the T-shirt that read, “what doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger.” Captain Goldfinch had only been laid once, and supposedly it was horrible. He was the type of son of a bitch who travelled across the Ocean just to collect unjust taxes, then spent tax payer dollars on a new wig—as if the fucking wig would make him look any better.

47. Blue Cheer
"Second Time Around"  6:21
Vincebus Eruptum
San Francisco, CA

The troops were there to collect taxes and enforced what was referred to as “The Townshend Acts.” Even though the colony was thousands of miles away and technically still an entire other nation, and travel was a harsh two months, the king’s people felt they had the right to govern them anyway. There was no phone or e-mail back then either. What this meant: the king’s court wrote a law—and this had to have come during a period when the dependent government was obviously growing desperate for money and resorting to bad decisions to scrounge any—handed the documents to somebody being paid with taxes that could have been spent on whatever it was they needed the money for, and this messenger travelled all the way across the Ocean just to deliver the message—then came home. The message consisted of a bill claiming that the colony owed them money along with orders stating the residents had to share their homes with the tax collecting militia. You should try this sometime: Fly all the way to a foreign country and hand some random group of strangers a document suggesting the entire town owes you money and they have to let you stay in their home and see what happens.

46. Frank Zappa
"Mother People"  2:32
We're Only in It for the Money
Baltimore, MD (1940)-Los Angeles, CA (1993)

It could not have been viewed as a wise investment. Travelling overseas to deliver messages had to have been more costly than the taxes would have collected. Therefore, one could conclude that was yet another case of the white man’s power trip and proof that those with “royalty” bloodlines were obviously stupid as fuck. These people seriously thought that they had the right to enforce their policies, no matter how ridiculous, in territories that did not pertain to them. Unwarranted meddling in the affairs of others which the subject has no business interfering is universally perceived as a negative attribute. Yet the Christian kings assumed they were excluded from this notion and demanded special privileges…just because they had been royal fuckheads for thousands of years and nobody ever bothered researching their lackluster backgrounds.

45. Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood
"Some Velvet Morning"  3:42
Nancy & Lee
NS: Jersey City, NJ (1940)/LH: Mannford, OK (1929)-Henderson, NV (2007)

has to analyze the characteristics required to be a red coated tax collector. This person agreed to participate in a 2-3 month long sausage fest just to be extremely hated upon arrival. Furthermore, the mission they were striving to accomplish had deplorable ethics as well. To even sign up for this mission meant the person was a genuine asshole with no good qualities whatsoever. The fact that these genuine pricks never got laid only made them worse. Of course they committed awful acts of atrocity—it was in their nature; and the king’s parliament gave genuine pricks the right to stay in quarters of colony residents where they could commit rape and burglary spoke volumes about the king and what a piss poor trait it must be to be considered “royalty.” Only the most despicable pieces of shit ever came from “the royal family” (notion still applies today), and then to marry into this long line of disgraceful malcontents proved The Queen of England must be a genuine whore.

44. Sly & The Family Stone
"M'lady"  2:44
San Francisco, CA

What sort of an asshole goes out and purchases a new wig in a foreign colony anyway? This factor had been well documented by the town’s people. After a month long voyage surrounded by nothing but hot luscious cock, a member of the Queen Nathan II went to market and purchased a new wig—and actually paid good money for it. This was a case of a subject showing symptoms of repressed homosexuality. After a full month of dreaming about balls smacking against his ass to the rolling current of the Atlantic Ocean, Goldfinch felt he now needed to impress a lady. After spending an evening with Nancy Robberson, an evening that including stinking up the outhouse and raiding the pantry (Miss Robberson complained that Goldfinch helped himself to large helpings of mush and even consumed all of it completely), Goldfinch fell in love…and went out and bought a new wig…and looked fucking ridiculous.

43. Cream
"As You Said"  4:23
Wheels of Fire
London, England

Goldfinch and his crew went to the wig maker store to purchase Goldfinch a new wig. He lied to his crew of shipmates and claimed that he accidentally left his old wig at the Blacksmith’s shop—couldn’t say exactly what he was doing at the Blacksmith’s shop—nigger didn’t even know no fucking Blacksmith—who the fuck goes to visit a Blacksmith and takes off his wig? Goldsmith was a compulsive liar and lied about all kinds of shit—said he saw Nancy’s titties and she tried to seduce him (she went and stayed at her sister’s house because she found him repulsive). There was a decent selection of wigs and Goldfinch tried them on, modeling them for his shipmates. This one particular model he assumed looked fabulous and made him look fucking hot. “Yo dog,” a shipmate said, “that wig’s fucking phat as fuck homey!” His shipmates approved and slapped him on the ass while he was making the purchase- “yea bro, that wig is totally you!”

42. The Rolling Stones
"Salt Of The Earth"  4:48
Beggars Banquet
London, England

It was a somber tense affair at the wig store. In fact, there was tension in the air every single place the red coats entered. At the pub, the working people were drinking and being merry. But, the moment Goldfinch and the pack of troops entered, the mood changed. They were not welcome and the patrons stared at them while they played darts. It was as if they had to prove that they were not like the red coats at all. In protest, they became even more merry and proudly boasted amongst themselves (loud enough for the troops to hear) how they were the working people, the salt of the Earth, and discussed rights they should have because they earned them. “Yea man, cheers, wooo! Yea, I worked my ass off all week, last thing I want to do is give my money to that miserable shitface king.” They all told jokes about the king and kings in general. What’s the difference between the queen and an elephant? Like five pounds. (Laughter) How do you make up the difference? Force-feed the elephant! (Laughter directed towards the troops)

41. Donovan
"The Hurdy Gurdy Man"  3:17
The Hurdy Gurdy Man
Glasgow, Scotland

Goldfinch strutted down the street in which Nancy Robberson lived. Nancy and her girlfriends were standing in the front yard discussing various aspects and gossip as it pertained to 1770 when along came Goldfinch wearing the God damned new wig he just bought. He walked by as gracefully as he was able, assuming these sexy babes, particularly Nancy, would find him irresistible sporting his new wig. They took one look at him and laughed. All four of the women were laughing uncontrollably, gasping for breath, tears in their eyes, while rolling around the yard.

40. The Idle Race
"The Birthday"  3:01
The Birthday Party
Birmingham, England

Anna Scott had a total crush on Samuel Gray; like, you know, Samuel Gray was soooo fucking hot—OMG! Her birthday was yesterday and she wanted Samuel to come over so she could show off her birthday suit. Unfortunately, he never arrived. Nobody did. Samuel was out of her league. You’d have to be blackout drunk to fuck Anna—and if anybody ever found out about it, then surely you would be tarred and feathered. In an attempt to make Samuel jealous, she pretended to be interested in Goldfinch.

39. The Fallen Angels
"Look at the Wind"  4:04
It's a Long Way Down
Washington, DC

Had Samuel went ahead and fucked the fat beastly puritan Anna, this all might have been prevented. But, she was somewhat of a bitch and nobody in the colony liked her. She had jealousy issues because she had become obsessed with Samuel. Anna did everything to try and please him; that is except lose some weight, make herself beautiful, seem intelligent, display a sense of humor, stop clinging to puritan beliefs, or do something that he actually found interesting. She also blindly supported the king’s parliament, which made Samuel hate her even more. What was worse, she was a chronic cock blocker—it was as if she was put on Earth to make Samuel completely miserable.

38. Status Quo
"Pictures of Matchstick Men"  3:12
Picturesque Matchstickable Messages From the Status Quo
London, England

It made Samuel Gray extremely happy to see that fat miserable bitch shacked up with that wig wearing cockface Goldfinch. However, Samuel was shacking up with Nancy Robberson, and she had plunged a cucumber deep into her vag envisioning that it was Samuel’s hot juicy love shaft penetrating her deeply the night Goldfinch came over and ate all the mush. To cause even more tension, the villagers poked fun at Anna by mimicking her red coated boyfriend—imitating the way he looked in the wig. It was a means of lashing out at two nemesis at once—puritan Anna and the Stamp Act supporting red coats. Thing began spinning wildly out of control when Goldfinch noticed his shipmates laughing along at the wig jokes.

37. Blood, Sweat & Tears
"Morning Glory"  4:16
Child Is Father to the Man
New York, NY

To Goldfinch’s defense, he was not permitted to freely express his homosexuality in those days. He’d rather have been sucking a nice fat cock, but he was expected to be interested in women (even women like Anna), and he truly believed this. None of the other women liked him though and he was still embarrassed by Nancy making fun of his wig. He had not had sex with a woman since 1766; to him Anna was a huge score—HUGE!—300 luscious pounds of puritanical huge. Even though his friends mocked him for trying to go piggin’ in the middle of the of the day, he loved Anna—truly! It had been a remarkable era of life ever since they met 29 minutes ago. The meaningless conversations he would never forget.

36. Ultimate Spinach
"Behold & See"  3:01
Behold & See
Boston, MA

Shit led to shit and shit got out of control. Anna told Goldfinch that Samuel had violated her fat ass and stolen one of the family’s mules (they had to eat cornbread instead that night). The mockery was causing tension and somebody called Anna a fat greasy traitor. Finally, a scuffle broke out in the saloon. Goldfinch shoved Samuel and Samuel retorted by slapping Goldfinch’s wig off of his head. There was much yelling, pushing, and shoving…the ruckus was finally taken outside. Samuel and Goldfinch were yelling in each other’s faces and the rest of the colonists intervened. They ganged up on the few off-duty troops; both sides were making threats, talking shit, and calling each other names. There was no resolution even though the fist fight never erupted. The troops walked away with Anna assisting Goldfinch with straightening his wig.

35. The Guess Who
"These Eyes"  3:40
Wheatfield Soul
Winnipeg, MB, Canada

History is allegedly written by winners—the winners being the eyes of the government and religion. The stories often displace the losers—as should be the case for they were displaced in their particular time period of society. Through the point of view of government and religion, many forget that single most powerful emotion—that of love. For those with courage enough to admit it, the quest for love was far greater than the quest for gold, freedom of religion, or that ever elusive fountain of youth. One loser had lost his love, thus lost his place in the world. Ever since his true love abandoned him for a bank tycoon, James Caldwell had never been the same. Most of his time was spent alone, silently mourning what ifs that could have saved his relationship; he had been avoiding contact with all other women as a result…except for one, Isabelle, who worked at the drug store.

34. Spanky And Our Gang
"Like to Get to Know You"  3:10
Like to Get to Know You
Chicago, IL

After numerous casual encounters at the drug store, James Caldwell and Isabelle Hartford met randomly on the streets. The two had rarely spoken prior to that and neither knew the fondness was mutual. But, the curiosity was there, enough for her to approach and him to resist solitude and actually walk with her. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but there was enough of a spark to sizzle on that day in March. He walked with her to the drug store amidst awkward conversation topics that produced a few laughs.

33. The Intruders
"Cowboys to Girls"  2:39
Cowboys to Girls
Philadelphia, PA

Something altered the course of fate during that 15 minute promenade to the drug store; or perhaps one could say something evaporated. There had been too much of his life spent dwelling on a past failure. Upon further review, Isabelle present even better qualities than what Jennifer possessed. He was a grown man now, and a resurgence of free spirited anticipation overwhelmed him. Perhaps he would unite with Isabelle, or perhaps she was but a friendly acquaintance. But, he realized that it was time forget Jennifer and return to society…the same society in which he once belonged.

32. Ohio Players
"Lonely Street"  2:27
Observations in Time
Dayton, OH

Crispus Attucks once fell in love also. Unfortunately, due to the color of his skin, he was not permitted to pursue his love. Finally, one day he decided his quest for love was more important than the white master’s shackles. During the pursuit, he was forced to hide out and walk the dark streets alone. Crispus did not wish to walk alone in the dark anymore and sought that one companion to accompany him on his lonely dangerous venture though life.

31. Bee Gees
"Words"  3:19
Brisbane, QLD, Australia

He never found her. There were a few encounters along the way, but back then, it was difficult for a Negro to win over a woman. Crispus had nothing to offer but kindness and rejoice. And, he was a kind man, an intelligent man, but the crazy world of 1760’s colony life persistently troubled him. Somehow, he ended up in Boston and was miraculously welcomed by the whites. A renaissance in beliefs was taking place in this city.

30. The Insect Trust
"Special Rider Blues"  7:44
The Insect Trust
Hoboken, NJ

Crispus and his other displaced misfit friend, Samuel Gray, were unexpectedly joined by their old pal James Caldwell. It was a most pleasant surprise for he had become a recluse since Jennifer left. On that day in March of 1770, he appeared the old James Caldwell, the other misguided misfit. James wanted to enjoy himself that day, had some sort of glow to him—the sort of glow that happens when one falls for a cute drug store clerk. Drinks were ordered at the tavern—it was officially time for rowdy celebration.

They spoke of that Goldfinch and that bitch Anna; how a fight had nearly broken up earlier. Fuck those assholes. A few more drinks were slammed and decision was made. They opposed the Townshend Acts anyway and all the other bullshit those stupid mother fuckers in red coats stood for. The three left the saloon, laughing, joking, staggering, and preparing to torment that prick Goldfinch if he started any shit.

29. The Beach Boys
"Diamond Head"  3:39
Hawthorne, CA

King Street was a happening spot. One tavern was running a happy hour special and some friendly natives dropped by to share a peace pipe. However, there was also some drama taking place as well—some bullshit about Goldfinch fucking with the wig store employees for selling him a bad wig—a wig he picked out on his own. There was an altercation in front of the wig store, and church bells were ringed. But, people ignored those assholes and what ensued was one of those rare unplanned street festivals. The red coated troops, however, assumed they had the right to police the colony and behaved like power abusive fascist security guards at a rock concert. They attempted to foil the festivities and ordered people to stand here, not here, and not talk loudly about certain topics. The colonists were tired of their constant bullshit and simply responded with insubordination and sarcastic remarks.

28. Dusty Springfield
"Son of a Preacher Man"  2:26
Dusty in Memphis
London, England (1939)-Henley, England (

The streets were filled with two emotions and exact opposites they were. Number one was that of enjoyment; spring was nearing and the reunion with warmer weather naturally eliminated cabin fever. As a result, the folks of the colony were engaging in happiness to extreme measures. There were smiles abundant, shared jokes, kissing, and people doing cartwheels and somersaults in the middle of the street that still had some snow lingering. In general, people tend to be a little crazy anyway when remedying cabin fever and these streets were filled with pure silliness. All dares were performed before even reaching the “I double dare you” phase…”triple dog dares” not needed on this day.

27. Vanilla Fudge
"Season of the Witch"  8:53
New York, NY

Emotion #2 was that of tension. A great disturbance was attempting to ruin their happiness. The looks on their bitter fed coated faces brought upon resentment. They were hated and they were natural assholes.

78 years ago in a village just to the north, a mass hysteria took place—similar to media induced fear in today’s world. Puritan people accused innocent people of practicing witchcraft and the result saw 20 innocent people inhumanely executed for no reason.

It wasn’t really that long ago; people in 1770 began viewing puritans similarly to how the 2012 population views Hitler’s Nazis. Although the puritans had won that particular battle, they ultimately lost the war. People turned against the puritans and one famous author of that era denounced his own heritage because he was ashamed of their criminal deeds and puritan involvement.

In retaliation to the ongoing puritan stupidity, many people in the vicinity actually started practicing witchcraft. Although it was good to see a portion of the population finally rebelling against the king and his stupid diabolical religion, there was something spooky taking place in certain areas.

In a home off State Street, a person collapsed on the floor. He began rolling around uncontrollably, twitching and convulsing with his eyes rolling back in his head. It was shift change for the guards. The guards who had been causing a disturbance all day were being relieved of their duties.

Images raced through the mind of the soothsayer collapsed on the floor; visions of bloodshed and bodies lying scattered in the streets, gasping for help while crawling through a cloud of smoke in a pool of blood. Nobody could help them.

The replacement troops were led by Captain Goldfinch, who had been in an altercation with the wig store employees. His stupid ass was still bitterly wearing the wig. This caused a shift in focus in the streets, these replacements.

Blood was spilling down the wall. The man collapsed on the floor clutched his chest, screamed out for nobody to hear, and vomited blood on the floor. There were disturbing shadowy images creeping on the walls—there was chaos in the streets below.

26. Iron Butterfly
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"  17:02
San Diego, CA

The exact moment the new troops took duty, the crowd on the streets diverted their attention towards them. The old troops had long worn out their welcome and they were prepared to let these fucking assholes know their bullshit was not going to be tolerated.

At once, the mob shouted at the new guards. These were the same assholes that tried to start shit with their good friend Samuel Gray. They were directing harsh insults at the troops. Finally, it turned political and they announced refusal to comply with the acts, the taxes, and whatever else they commanded. They even went so far as to further ridiculing Goldfinch’s wig.

Some battalions come equipped with a drummer. The natives of this land also drummed when preparing for battle. Something about a drum solo is fitting when engaging in civil disobedience.

Crispus Attucks, James Caldwell, and Samuel Gray emerged to the head of the pack. There was unfinished business to resolve. Already hostile, Samuel shouted threatening insults in the face of Goldfinch. When Goldfinch shoved Samuel, the crowd erupted into civil disobedience. They dared the troops to fire at them…fire and be damned.

It should have been obvious at this moment; the majority did not support their government. They had the option to retreat, and re-evaluate their goals; possibly even leave for good and allow these people to govern themselves, which they were going to be doing in the near future anyway. Or, they could have even stripped off their red coats, declared, “you know, fuck it,” and joined in on the festivities…the king would never have known—hell, he was too stupid to ever figure all that out. Now, that would have been more fun. If Goldfinch was any sort of a decent fun life loving human being—that would have happened.

But, they were genuine pricks who had been appointed by the royal family of ordinary idiots seeking power and wealth at any expense. Goldfinch and Samuel had feuded already over Anna and the wig; another was unwilling to withstand insults coming from a colored man.

The troops drew their weapons and fired deadly bullets into the crowd—at close range—killing Crispus Attucks, James Caldwell, and Samuel Gray immediately. Two more would die later and several were injured. Most unfortunately, humanity had not yet fully evolved. Slaves in New York were burned alive and broken on the wheel for seeking freedom the master’s shackles. These belligerent pricks attempting to cripple freedom and collect taxes to empower the incompetent royal family all were acquitted. Some were even represented in court by colonists who supposedly opposed the taxes.

Top Image by: Paul Revere
Bottom image by: http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5016/5541234044_2e5d556a3b.jpg

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