The Top 25 Songs of 1978

The Best of 1978 + Crash Course
Part 1: Grave Diggers Love Deadly Bus Drivers
Part 2: The Disturbance Beneath
Part 3: Poor Planetary Disposition
Part 4: The Mysterious Obituary
Part 5: The Indestructible Distress Signal of Planet Placidity
Part 6: 26 Years Ago In the History of The Universe

Part VI: 26 Years Ago In the History of The Universe

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

25. AC/DC
"Down Payment Blues"  6:04
Sydney, Australia

Plug in the guitars; crank up the amplifiers; and set the controls for “CRASH COURSE”. Although they looked happy, the mascot headed brown bear suited population of Planet Placidity both feared and embraced the planetary placement of their new residence. The new planet was growing closer, and nothing could be done to control the outcome. They had been lost, impoverished, afflicted with insect infestation, and virtually unknown for the past 26 years. The bittersweet celebration was underway. A Rock and Roll Bus Machine from another sector of the universe had mysteriously cruised Broadway Avenue.

24. The Monks
"Drugs In My Pocket"  3:12
Bad Habits
London, England

Since the disappearance, the lifestyle had resorted to aberrational behavior. The mascot heads were frequently seen in alleyways shooting up substances, smoking other substances to make the situations seem more serene. Those carefree days of prosperity when the planet once thrived seemed faded as the black and white remembrances recalling those days of glory. That was those days. This is these days. These days, the drugs have provided the only joy. The uplifting spirits of some slut addicted to raspberries leading them home. With Earth in full view, she was amply supplied with unlimited raspberries.

23. D.N.A.
"Not Moving"  2:40
No New York
New York, NY

RED ALERT: An alien planet has entered the atmosphere. Looking into the sky, one could only see another planet. The surface of Planet Placidity seemed to suffocate the Earth’s horizon. The red and black planet completely covered the entire sky. This was a planet the exact same size as the planet Earth, exact same dimensions. It rotated, just like the Earth. Some segments of the Earth no longer had a visible sun…although it was still daylight. The approaching planet completely dominated the view in the sky.

22. Hubble Bubble
"I Wanna Die"  2:52
Hubble Bubble
Brussels, Belgium

Another planet that had become this close to the Earth was startling, to say the least. An overwhelming sense of fear stricken the planet Earth. They had never in its history been so close to another planet. The sounds created from the rotation of another planet this close in the sky was overwhelming. Windows rumbled, shelves shook, explainable effects taking place, and the constant ringing of the distress sirens. Its immediate entrance into the atmosphere caused tremendous thunder and frightening light displays. Frightened, people of the Planet Earth could do nothing but stare at the sky in awe; though some ran away and hid underground.

21. Warren Zevon
"Werewolves of London"  3:28
Excitable Boy
Chicago, IL (1947)-Los Angeles, CA (2003)

Planet Placidity had been in proximity with another planet before; it had been lost; and was now within reach. Cities of people could look into the sky and see another city, upside-down. They lowered the latch and piled out. Mascot headed aliens plunged from Planet Placidity, dropping from the sky and into the streets of London…hundreds of them suddenly in the streets. Harmless, yet startling, running around the streets of London aimless, sprinting, celebrating merrily, they were finally off the seemingly doomed and deserted Planet Placidity and somewhere else.

20. The Kids
"Fascist Cops"  2:27
The Kids
Antwerpen, Belgium

However, the police were unaware of their intentions. As a primary factor from 8,256 reasons to fear anything, they resorted to violence. The fascist police beat down the mascot headed terrestrials with clubs, apprehending them, slamming them down on the concrete in choke holds…sheer police brutality. But, they were unscathed, and still ran rampant in the streets. Earthlings turned on their own kind. Welcoming the visitors from Planet Placidity, they retaliated against the police with violence and disobedience of their own. Finally came The Rock and Roll Bus Machine, with Diaglo and Gunther on board, and with one swift stomp of the gas pedal, that was the end of the police.

19. Ramones
"Don't Come Close"  2:45
Road To Ruin
New York, NY

The Earthlings sprang from rooftops, launching themselves from cannons, off the Earth, and onto the surface of Planet Placidity. They had never even seen another planet, let alone set foot on another one. This was, by far, the most fascinating experience in history. The Placidity natives welcomed the Earthlings; they did not have fascist police—only exhilarating raspberry cupcakes and other intoxicating substances.

18. Marvin Gaye
"Is That Enough?"  7:48
Here, My Dear
Washington, DC (1939)-Los Angeles, CA (1984)

It became real apparent, real fucking fast, who the fucking problem was around here. A whole another world was one walk away; without passport, without visa, and with one swoop, there were no longer the senseless repercussions required that forced free will to cater to the source of the problem. 8,256 negative aspects of the world seemed to vanish, and the need for their money. Call people out on their bullshit week was declared. The rich complaints were no longer tolerated. You have to do this; you have to do that; this is the law; this is the standard; you can’t say that to the unreasonable customers—allow them to walk all over you..pretend to be nice. You have to pay these fees, these fines, these bills, this ticket. Fuck you! No you don’t, not anymore. This was a joke, and it was officially declared… the residents of Earth adamantly revolted against the hostile fascists.

17. Tom Robinson Band
"I'm Alright Jack"  2:30
Power In The Darkness
London, England

The frequent complainers were the ones who hid. The government, the bank, and the TV, unfortunately, still remained. The weak and narrow minded had always fought against freedom, the free thinkers, the idealist, and the oppressed. They had always assumed that the meek would inherit the Earth, as if that were a gift, as if anybody with any credibility ever declared that to be the truth. Those who had been pushed, ambushed the opposition, ambushed the hidden, and total destruction of the remnants.

16. Cock Sparrer
"We Love You"  4:05
Cock Sparrer
London, England

The red and black planet hovered dangerously close. Buildings became bigger buildings; black stripes endeavored the blue waves. The exchange interlude intersected at eight. Earth: Mascot headed terrestrials fell from the fallen sky; into the streets, swarming. Placidity: Earthlings fell from the sky, a dog, a cat, they flocked the streets frolicking newly found freedom.

15. Nick Lowe
"I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass"  3:13
Jesus of Cool
Walton Upon Thames, England

The skyscraper tower towered turbustly 200 stories towards the towers of turbulence. The red planet that dominated the horizon officially made contact. Impact shattered the 200 story twin tower. Sparks, then crumbling, then the sound of breaking glass. The tower tipped, turmoil prevailed. A collapse into smoke, a catastrophic crash, and then an open void where a landmark once stood. Chaos, madness, and disaster amidst a state of sheer panic & a gaping hole exposing the depths, the bottom, and ultimate the descent to digression too many deemed the savior.

14. Foreigner
"I've Waited So Long"  4:06
Double Vision
New York, NY

The Earth’s exposure elated attention among the universe. Noomgu and Promtu stood up at the controls as the crowd surrounded the myopic scenery, gazing down into the void. A secret was revealed as all the universe awaited the signs of the savior. Exposed, however, no coffin, no casket blockaded a barricade—nor had the black and white bride boarded the boat. Before boarding, one slight smile, off in the distance, Brandon smiled back to her, she was cute on her bicycle. Amidst a rumbling that rocked the universe, the two newlyweds smiled eerily at each other from afar, flashing photographs—the smiles of two young lovers. But, they had never been married. One gigantic giraffe stood somewhere in the sunshine, and a gaping hole in the center of the Earth.

13. The Only Ones
"The Beast"  5:48
The Only Ones
London, England

Sparks sputtered from the gaping hole; shimmering sparkles soundly splattering cylinder shaped symphonies containing subjects surrounding the circle. Fear triumphed once again, madness ensued.

They brought him into the office and sat down; the interviewing group took notes and held notebooks. “What is it, about you, that makes you so useless?” There was no definite answer, just 65 million possibilities. “You stand in front of the cigarette store and bum cigarettes from people who have no interest in you. You even make more money than some of them. They would rather see you dead. You are meaningless to the Grand Scheme of Things. You have nothing to lose. We won’t miss you. Nor have any regrets.”

12. Ivy Green
"I'm Sure We're Gonna Make It"  3:29
Ivy Green
Hazerswoude, Netherlands

The coffin was labeled “USELESS SACRIFICE.” There was a mad rush to the center of the Earth. Other sacrifices needed to be made. People pushed out of the way. People with more purpose than those people posing to preserve policies; an unknown purpose. A perpetrated belief bestowed beyond belief believing blindly. The sailing ship on Placidity surface overturned, sank, and plunged from the sky. One lone cruise ship falling freely—aimed squarely a direct hit to the core of the Earth…a race against the plunge with a coffin.

11. Public Image LTD
"Theme"  9:08
Public Image - First Issue
London, England

Angry assailants attacked the carriers of the coffin. They were beat down, trampled, and kicked. The police sided with the coffin carriers—a sure sign of purposeless preservation. At least the useless idiot was now in the casket.
A pack of buzzards ambushed. The casket crashed onto the concrete. A mob of green scaled aliens battled police for casketal control. The scrimmage pile prevailed victorious to those in the suits, the ties, and the dark green scaly skin. The sacrificial idiot was flung into the heavens, opposite direction of the plunging cruise ship. The coffin landed sticking straight up on the Placidity surface. The cruise ship descended into the gaping void amidst flashing bulbs and photographs.

10. Tom Waits
"Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis"  4:33
Blue Valentine
Pomona, CA

I met somebody, a woman, at a patio in front of a coffee shop. (The man peered back attentively through thick bi-focals). This was some time ago, back when I was dead. I couldn’t recall exactly how she died, or how long she had been dead. Truthfully, I did not even know her. We had never met before, but she approached me, sat at my table, made eye contact, and told me her life story. Some reason, she kept calling me Charlie, even though I do not recall ever being named Charlie. A somber piano sounded somewhere. Her story was plagued with despair; yet glistened with hope. Perhaps there had always been a desire to be something else, something standard. I did not say anything in response, because she was unwelcomed by something uncertain. Security took her away. When I returned, just before taking the K-Mart cafeteria position, I saw her again on my way out. She was sitting on steel, surrounded by steel bars. I caught her eye, and she called me Charlie again and asked to borrow some money so they would allow her to go free, let her out of the cage. Upon my return to Earth—I remembered finding her annoying—but I do not think that she deserved to be put in a cage. I vowed I would return and rescue her.

9. Wire
"Practice Makes Perfect"  4:07
Chairs Missing
London, England

Betty Jean placed a mustard packet on the cafeteria table. (SLOW MOTION) She pounded the packet---the packet burst---(SUPER SLOW MOTION) mustard flew through the air---mustard splattered onto the face of the K-Mart manager carrying a tray. (-----------)

The cruise ship continued its fall from the sky. A gang of mercenary buzzards marched the streets; a gang of green scaled terrestrials strutted along side-by-side, weapons propped upon their shoulders. One bass player—a thumping muted riff; then joined the guitarist. Colorful sparks flying from the void. (FLASH BACK AND FORTH) Mercenary buzzards marching/A ship falling/A riot/A ship falling/A pack of green scaled skin terrestrials/A ship falling/Mercenary buzzards… (REPEAT…LOOP)

“The wedding party is on board the ship!” They smiled eerily.

The Captain steered the round wooden wheel, yet it did not guide the ship. He smiled joyfully, playfully, beautifully…over exaggerating his steers…to the left…(BUZZARDS MARCH)…to the right…(MERCENARY TERRORIST TERRESTRIALS)…to the left again, like a child steering a car. The ship is headed directly into the void. “THE SHIP IS HEADED DIRECTLY INTO THE VOID!!!”



The ship has entered the void.


8. James Chance & The Contortions
"Dish It Out"  3:17
No New York
New York, NY

The void erupted like a volcano sending sparks skywards. The intense heat and flames smoldered the surface of Planet Placidity. As the eruption was intensifying, Mascot Headed residents flung from the flaming Placidity surface. Storming the surface of the Earth. Hundreds of them falling from the sky and onto the ground of the Earthian city. Another device had been erected—a ramp, a ladder, a launch pad. The people of Earth leaped from the launch pad, climbed buildings, dangling from the rafters, pulling themselves up to the surface of Planet Placidity that was growing closer; while Placidity residents dove from their planet onto the Earth. The amount of beings hurling back and forth in the sky was total chaos.

7. Crass
"Banned from the Roxy"  2:15
The Feeding of the 5000
Epping, England

I came back for her—the cage was demolished. Mascot heads on Earth brutalizing the Earthling police; humans on Placidity storming the Placidity police. Both planets were in a joint riot; intergalactic civil disobedience; so close to home—so close surfaces were demolishing the tallest structures sending the ruins into the streets. The streets, where a major upheaval was taking place. Either A.) Total freedom from another planet was right there; or B.) It was going to be the end of the world. Bullshit was not willing to withstand.

6. Blondie
"Heart Of Glass"  5:50
Parallel Lines
New York, NY

The gravitational forces of each rotating planet created an unexplainable vacuum void in the vast in-between. But, there was an initial impact. The proximity, Placidity Mascots jumped freely onto the land of Earth; Earthlings ran from the rooftops, leaped, and hung from the construction beams hanging from Placidity structures. Two densely populated cities up above each other, upside down, and each from another galaxy. Pedestrians dove out of the way to avoid being struck by the tops of oncoming buildings from the other planet, several near misses. The evasion saw both sets of citizens abandoning their own planet and plunging to the other, jumping onto each other, tripping, stumbling, holding on to roof ledges, structures, light posts. The roof of the building may have been the nearest object to the planet Earth, but it was a steep plunge from the building to the city street below in the towns of Placidity.

The sky was filled with people and mascot headed Placiditians dangling in mid-air on rafter beams. And many, had attached themselves to the indestructible distress signal tower of Planet Placidity which was about to strike Earth.

Indestructible was put to the test. As both Planet Placidity and Planet Earth were rotating in movement, the impact was not direct nor blunt. The indestructible distress signal scraped the surface of Earth’s concrete down the middle of the street—slicing the pavement like a knife slitting a cucumber vertically, smashing cars and buildings as the city streets were slit open. More erupting flames protruded from the center of the Earth as the roads opened up wide. The tower was indestructible, and people hung from the tower, hanging on for dear life.

5. Pere Ubu
"The Modern Dance"  3:30
The Modern Dance
Cleveland, OH

The path of destruction caused by the collision was imminently intense. With every dropping citizen from the sky, the buildings and landscapes crumbled to ruins. As each planet continued its uncontrollable orbit shimmering so closely to each other’s surface, the sounds of wires bursting, poles falling, flames erupting, buildings collapsing, and people scrambling dominantly prevailed.

4. The Residents
"Semolina"  2:55
Duck Stab
Shreveport, LA

The red and black striped planet blanketed the sky skimming the waves of a desolate beach. Off in the distance, the black and white cruise ship was sinking. Amidst a rough tide caused by tidal waves from another planet submerging into the water. But, it was still daylight. An unmanned bike peddled the beach as an unnamed black and white bride in a beautiful bridal gown skimmed the seashore. Bicycles, peddling by passengers of the sunken ship peddle on top of the water, out of the water, and onto the beach. Finally, The Captain. He received an applause as he smiled sweetly into the camera. Brenda boarded the unassisted bicycle and rode away and into a black and white photo of her smiling cheerfully on a bicycle, peddling next to another bicycle ridden by no one.

3. Captain Beefheart
"Bat Chain Puller"  5:27
Shiny Beast
Glendale, CA (1941)-Arcata, CA

The indestructible distress signal continued destroying the surface of the Earth, ripping the street, demolishing cars. People and mascots held on tightly to steel beams and other structures to embrace for impact; others jumped out of the way and remained on the ground. Bright neon flames were shooting from the surface openings…something could have brewing in the core…possibly the birth of a savior.

As Planet Placidity was descending, surfaces near scraping, impact underway, the indestructible distress signal plunged into the gaping void sending a sensational display of lights, flames, sparks, and other illuminatory hallucinogenic displays of illumination. The void consumed the tower as the bottom of the Earth erupted…sending more flames, lights, and particles of debris out of the open void created at the bottom. Earth had adjoined with Planet Placidity. The two planets were now one planet, and slowly drifted away into the universe, unharmed…some refer to this as a definition of a miracle.

As the planets drifted through the universe, during an intense moment of chaotic disbelief and the ultimate change in lifestyle, debris continued to shoot from the bottom of the Earth, floating aimlessly into the dark crypt of the desolate universe. The debris consisted of glowing black and white photographs, Polaroid’s…The photo of The Captain, The Wedding Party, and other various participants of the chaotic miracle. Also floating aimlessly from the void created in the bottom of the Earth, one cruise ship now floating in space, and an unmanned bicycle which peddled in the opposite direction and went elsewhere.

2. Big Star
"Kanga Roo"  3:47
Memphis, TN

The Universe, 26 years ago. An unreplicable celestial sky, pristine with the odd colors that signify the unusual, the supernatural…neither never been here, nor knew how they arrived. He saw her for the first time, she saw him. They had been rated 100% compatible in the registry and rated #1 most compatible in the entire universe. It was love at first sight, but that wasn’t the place.

26 years ago, in another sector of the universe, they saw each other at a gathering. It was the same sweep of emotions. She looked familiar, and I believe he did too. Neither spoke, however, because neither was actually there. But, they stood there, gazing at each other love struck. She approached him, and put her arms around his waist, standing from the side of him. They could not appear face-to-face. He looked off in the distance, she smiled eerily. The flash of one sole camera somewhere in the sector of the universe where neither was present…there was proof that they did exist.

Underneath orange rolling skies; burnt orange with black undertones. 26 years ago in a different sector of the universe, something spectacular was underway. Something about a savior and the sounds of an unknown distress signal. Neither was summoned, nor were present. But, they were both there. Boarding the boat, he caught a glimpse of her eye. Brandon boarded that boat, Brenda boarded her bicycle. The Captain set sail to 26 years into the universe with a cheerful pleasant smile. Distraught, Brandon watched Brenda peddle away on the beach. The harrowing skies havoc their own fate.

The ship sank; and the bicycle was struck by a bus. That was 26 years ago.

#1. Lou Reed
"Street Hassle"  10:53
Street Hassle
New York, NY

Part I. This time, they were there…for three days. They weren’t supposed to be there, but they mysteriously appeared…both of them. Much confusion surrounded the atmosphere; a distress signal had been sent across the entire universe. It was set to either begin all of time, or perhaps end it for good, and both represented the only ways out, and nobody knew which. Just a stockpile of caskets and an enigmatic black circle that had mysteriously formed in the sky.

They knew not what to say nor had they ever met. For all they knew it was a dream, and I do believe it may have been. For it all seemed dreamlike, with surreal images and multi-colored skies. The physical contact impacted the entire universe. For three full days, it was an unspoken bliss unheard of in any sector of the universe. But, she died 26 years ago; she was only 24 now. He might have been home, but did not know where home was these days. His losture had its own distress signal.

Three days. Day 4 produced some sort of eccentricity. They did exist. She was the girl who died. It was her photograph on the ship. He had been on that ship it seemed.

Part II. 26 years ago, she was never supposed to be there. She was nowhere. Celestial Plane 8628 differs significantly from Terrestrial Plane 8628. She just showed up, lost, riding a bicycle.

He was lost too. Two misplaced souls from separate sectors of the universe, somehow here, but not here too.

She peddled on her bicycle to a place called “Nowhere.” The effects of displacement unravel uncertain unusual occurrences. She was fading as the world was drifting from this “Nowhere” to that nowhere. But not here.

Nearly unconscious on the sidewalk, surrounded by surreal serenities and a rolling sky.

One person stood over her, snapped one sole photograph, and disappeared. Nobody knew her or where she came from; the photographer was never witnessed.

And then he showed up, too late perhaps. But, he obviously did not belong here either. Therefore, the two misplaced souls must be together. It was twilight, and maybe The Captain was aware of the time, the upcoming unison, and the universal distress signals.

The Captain informed him that they did not belong here, and all the horrifying the consequences, the narration of Street Hassle. Convincingly, they grabbed her by the feet and laid her out in the darkened street. A bus was fast approaching and all went black.

Part III. Neither were there, but they were both present.

She was unconscious in the road. Two planets had nearly collided but somehow intersected. It had been the cause of a 26 year distress signal. Somehow, the streets had erupted with elegant beams, illuminated lights, dazzling sparks, and colorful flames. She finally stood up and was swooped away from the surface of a distant planet.

And he was there in the road on the other planet. Some gravitational effect seemed to cause some sort of parallel magnetism. It seemed the planets were drifting apart, yet they were on the verge of colliding. All they could do was watch each other drift away, and they almost did. But, some time ago, this was the only thing that meant anything—that was 26 years ago. Once again, he boarded the boat and dropped from the sky…plunging towards a gaping void in the massive opening exposing the center of the Earth, the supposed savior.

The world had gone black when that boat when that boat submerged. Therefore, nobody even knew that the bicycle had plunged also, following the boat in desperation. And it was here when the universe experienced extreme alteration; the entrance of the bicycle produced the miracle.

Bursting from the bottom of the of the Earth, bright flashing lights, photographs from the past, a bicycle and a boat. On board the boat, the 26 year distress signal ended. Brenda and Brandon stood on the observation deck, arms around each other, smiling happily, observing the whole universe they were now free to roam as they pleased.

Photographs fell from the sky:

This person:
That person:
The wedding party:

These people:
Those people:
The Crew:
The Captain:

Two lovers finally placed properly in the course of the universe.

The photographs of the deceased.
The obituary photo bursting into flames.

The patio: Brenda and Brandon. He was left-handed, she was right-handed; they were the universal standouts. Their photo is in black and white.

"Dream Lover"  3:35
Kizza Me B-Side
Memphis, TN

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
Influence/Ripped offed:
Tom Waits (man in glasses character) borrowed from Inland Empire (Mr. K) written by David Lynch
All lines containing "and I believe it was" borrowed from the song Seven Silver Curses by The Fiery Furnaces
Not affiliated in any way with K-Mart
Special thanks to all mascots, bus drivers, and grave diggers

Top Image by:
Bottom image by: http://itpworld.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/bike3.jpg
Black and White Images For Street Hassle Finale:


1 comment:

  1. I got my first electronic cigarette kit on VaporFi, and I love it very much.


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