The Top 125 Songs of 1979

The Best of 1979 + Identity Theft
Chapter 1: Subject Classification
Chapter 2: The Rise of Bartleby Deacon
Chapter 3: Second Chance
Chapter 4: The Great Nation Exposed
Chapter 5: World War 49
Chapter 6: Identity Theft

Chapter II: The Rise of Bartleby Deacon

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

125. The Desperate Bicycles
"Blasting Radio"  4:33
Remorse Code
London, England

Bartleby Deacon: Notorious Bad Guy of the West. He rode into town and immediately started talking shit to the other townsfolk. He parked his horse extremely close to another horse so that the occupant of that horse would not even be able to get out of that spot. Jumping off his horse, he harassed villagers in the streets, said crude things to women, knocked people’s hats off their heads, called random people harsh names and ridiculed other people’s dress attire and cowboy boots. Mother fucker even held up a struggling general store.

124. Take It
"How It Is"  4:13
Man-Made World
London, England

His overall behavior was totally sketchy and he was a downright piece of shit. Bartleby Deacon would frequently freak out on some whacked out peyote trip and start waving his guns around and shooting at random people for no reason. Every place he entered, Bartleby Deacon immediately made everybody else uncomfortable. There was no consistency with his actions. Just one day, he barged into the General Store, dumped paint on the cowboy boots that were on sale and then left without paying for any of them.

123. Nick Lowe
"Big Kick, Plain Scrap"  2:27
Labour of Lust
Walton Upon Thames, England

He would go to the saloon and get hammered on expensive whiskey, then not even tip the bartender. Drunk off his ass, he would attempt to embrace some whore from the streets on drugs. Bartleby Deacon would give her drugs and take her to the Ye Olde Inn and have sex with her, without even pulling out. When he was done, usually within 2 minutes, he wouldn’t pay the whore or even pay for the room. Deacon had even impregnated some of them and they were raised by other people.

122. Scritti Politti
"Confidence"  3:06
4 A-Sides
London, England

Bartleby called the towing company and had somebody’s horse towed away. That was his parking space and nobody else was allowed to park there. With the bags of gold coins he immorally acquired, he purchased a section of land. Other riders had to pay him to park their horse anywhere in town. If people did not pay him to park their horse on the street, he would call and have the horse towed. The towing people ran in his posse—other Subject B’s.

121. U.K. Subs
"I Couldn't Be You"  2:08
Another Kind Of Blues
London, England

Bartleby Deacon rode around on a huge elegant horse. He robbed a train, stole a bunch of gold, and spent it on the nicest horse on the lot. Actually, he didn’t pay for the horse either. He stole the horse and kept the gold. There wore satchels of gold lying around his cabin, and he never even spent any of it. And, his big horse took a shit in the middle of the road and he didn’t even bother to clean it up.

120. ZZ Top
"Cheap Sunglasses"  4:48
Houston, TX

Wallford rode into town on his horse. All the women swooned at the cool unknown stranger who rode into town. He wore dark sunglasses and had a mystical aura to him. Abigail had these same features—she loved him right away. Bartleby Deacon loved Abigail, but she told him to fuck off and said his horse was piece of shit. He was like, “hey baby, wanna go for a ride on my horse?” And she was like, “fuck you and the horse you rode in on!” Abigail rode on Wallford’s horse though. Bartleby Deacon had Wallford’s horse towed, confiscated it, and then drugged and impregnated Abigail while Wallford was feuding with the impound posse. A war was ensuing.

119. Van Halen
"Dance the Night Away"  3:03
Pasadena, CA

Christine and Kevin was the world’s first ever fully 100% compatible couple. Back in 1456 BCE, they were also one of the first couples to have sexual intercourse outside of their own family. Prior to that, most people primarily mated with siblings, parents, and various other species within the family community. Due to the amount of incest, evolution was prolonged causing disturbing a lack of intellect and a desire for empires, government, currency, religions, and other forms of sheer stupidity. These two jump started evolution with their beauty, happiness, and were often seen dancing and twirling in their caves. Their children actually walked upright…and 3100 years later, oxygen was discovered!

118. Bee Gees
"Too Much Heaven"  4:57
Spirits Having Flown
Brisbane, Australia

Mating outside the family became an extravagantly popular commodity. Families would often visit other families and participate in full-fledge cave orgies. Not only was this a fun and rewarding pleasurable recreational activity, the offspring produced were often the earliest incarnates of Subject G’s. The end result of these family on family cave orgies included the invention of the wheel, fire, indoor plumbing, and air tight containers capable of preserving food for up to three days.

117. KC & the Sunshine Band
"Please Don't Go"  3:50
Do You Wanna Party
Miami, FL

Due to several generations of incestuous breeding, the Subject B’s still dominated the world. These people were unwilling to engage in the intertwining of family trees because they did not wish to their family members engaging in pleasurable activities with any other person. Peter did not want sister Suzi hanging out at the Henderson’s even though he was presented to the option to wear out Mrs. Henderson’s ass in the back of the cave (he ejaculated in Mrs. Henderson in less than 30 seconds anyway, but still did not want Suzi with Mr. Henderson because he had ejaculated in Suzi during a different 30 second excursion 3 weeks ago—he also no longer wished to see Mrs. Henderson with Mr. Henderson). These people clung to religious fabrications that claimed that it was wrong to fornicate outside the family, and instilled guilt trips upon relatives to stay at home and practice traditional incestual values. The end result saw those particular families remain incredibly stupid.

116. Little River Band
"Cool Change"  5:08
First Under the Wire
Melbourne, Australia

Herbie had been instilled those beliefs, but his sister was a fat gross smelly shit eating pig. There was no way that he was ever going to fuck her. His mom did not have adequate technique either; he simply did not enjoy having sex with his mother even though he still loved her. Aunt Mae had fallen into a creek from a rocky terrain and was bed ridden—she had even worse sexual technique than his mother. One day, Herbie decided to leave his family and lead of life of solitude as an escape. He was a Subject F, travelling west like a true pioneer.

115. Christopher Cross
"Sailing"  4:19
Christopher Cross
San Antonio, TX

Wallford was born a Subject G in a Subject B community. Like Herbie, Wallford did not agree with the norms of the community. However, the commanders governing the community insist that Wallford conform to their standards, even though he did not agree with them and had better ideas. As a result, Wallford became a Subject A and was stricken with even more turmoil. Finally, he gave up and abandoned the community, leaving everything he ever knew and the girl he kinda liked somewhat. It pained him to see her cry, to leave, but he had been cast aside by the others and forced to become a different Subject.

114. Robert John
"Sad Eyes"  3:34
Robert John
New York, NY

Travelling out west brought him tranquility. Although he was still distraught and periodically stricken with remorse, the lone rider utilized the serene journey to reflect on life and re-evaluate all that went awry. He was still a natural Subject G, and therefore possessed the mental capacity to refigure his life and establish a new set of goals. Wallford hoped to find a community with similar beliefs, shared wisdoms, and possibly the true love of his life—which he deemed more prosperous than striking it rich.

113. John Stewart
"Gold"  4:27
Bombs Away Sweet Babies
San Diego, CA (1939-2008)

One area of the world had become a great nation. This particular nation indicated there were but 6 deadly sins—Greed was the primary motivator and those who did not at least strive for some of it were considered outcasts, criminals, losers, and mentally insane obviously in need of a lobotomy. The greed seekers even obtained the land from the natives by means of questionable ethics and useless currency in order to obtain more gold coins. Many of these incestuous immigrants travelled west to strike gold; to earn gold by promoting means which had been far better before it became a currency producing scheme.

112. The Cure
"Boys Don't Cry"  2:35
Boys Don't Cry
Crawley, England

Just as Herbie did not wish to fuck his sister because she was hideous looking and unappealing to even a bum in a drunken stupor, Bartleby Deacon’s sister did not wish to fuck him for the same reasons. She found him dull and unattractive. Furthermore, this bitch was attracted to the gold currency that people had been using to purchase nice horses and fancy clothes that looked no different than back before they became a means of currency. But, Bartleby was taught that boys don’t cry and was supposed to appear tough. Therefore, in order to conceal his sorrow accompanied with the notion that his brutal harsh honest sister opted to fuck Harvey instead because he was famous and had a nice horse, Bartleby assumed this was the way to please da hoes of dis village. He lied to make himself more appealing and sought additional currency by any means possible.

111. The Specials
"Nite Klub"  3:24
The Specials
Coventry, England

Pretty girls dolled themselves up to look endeavoring in all the envious fashions that Subject B men seem willing to pay the most gold coins for; personality and intelligence are not important—these hoes had no right to vote anyway. Women are all the same, have only a few purposes in life to these people. However, women are the same as men—the appearance, personality, and intelligence of a man mean nothing. He might have appeared nice. You’re a loser! Your horse is a piece of shit. This fucking loser doesn’t even have a horse. I had to pick him up and he didn’t even give me any money for hay. I’m not even supposed to ride a horse—it makes me unattractive and costs me money. You’re a stupid loser and have a rickety ass shit job at the place where they hang people. You don’t even have insurance at the Gallow’s pole—I’d rather be a loser blacksmith. Piece of shit. Fucking loser!

110. Popol Vuh
"Wanderer Through the Night"  4:09
Die Nacht der Seele - Tantric Songs
München, Germany

Unfortunately, the incestuous religious beliefs had prevailed, as did the means in which people induced fear insisting people follow them. The role of the female was reduced solely for a means of mating and doing dishes…and this was a result of her abilities being slightly depleted during pregnancy and nursing. This complicated the natural feeling of human nature and obstructed progressive evolvement and was further enhanced with the adoption of currency. Subject B & E women refused to participate in outer family functions unless they were awarded currency. Because humans do not have an official mating season and frequently are “in heat”, women have refused to even mate unless substantial currency was provided. The natural behavior patterns of humans were altered severely. Women fuck money; men pay for pussy.

109. Bruce Cockburn
"Wondering Where the Lions Are"  3:46
Dancing in the Dragon's Jaws
Toronto, ON, Canada

People will travel far outside their natural habitat to fulfill lust and greed. Many will relocate to a different region of the world in order to enjoy a serene setting. But, people will not only relocate, they will also alter their entire natural persona in order to obtain currency or to fulfill lust. Some approach the different of the world wondering only where the potential mates might be, being under the hold of some kind of ecstasy. Other families have travelled the Earth just to explore the mating rituals of exotic communities. The Mason’s, a suburban white family from Ft. Worth, TX, travelled all the way to a desolate region of Africa to have an outer family sex excursion with a bush tribe.

108. John Mellencamp
"I Need A Lover"  5:36
John Cougar
Seymour, IN

Because sexual lust is a natural human feeling, even a Subject F will go outside his/her natural element in order to fulfill sexual satisfaction. However, due to the dilapidated condition of the current state, a Subject F will do so less frequently. Subject F, for the most part, has given up on the structure of society companionship—he refuses to pay girls for sexual allurement; she is no longer interested in any of his fake showmanship to seem more impressive. But, they still desire a lover…because it is natural. They would simply prefer one who is more natural, and would simply come over, fuck, and then leave without saying a word.

107. Essential Logic
"Alkaline Loaf In The Area"  4:37
Beat Rhythm News
London, England

She found out who the loser was who impregnated her. Abigail did not want his piece of shit baby and did not even want him around her in the first place. However, the incestuous degenerate stated that she had to have the baby anyway. Bartleby Deacon fabricated a ridiculous notion that all pregnancies had to be delivered. Not only that, the cur resorted to the incestuous religious doctrines that insinuated she would go to Hell if she terminated the pregnancy. “All children should be born to a husband and a wife…marriage should only consist of a man and a woman.” Bartleby Deacon

106. The Deep Freeze Mice
"Emile Zola"  3:34
My Geraniums Are Bulletproof
Leicester, England

The religious documents went back to the days when sex primarily consisted of family members. It had only been recently when sex outside the family took over as the most popular (1387 AD was the first year that sex outside the family surpassed 50%). By this point, many of the perspectives had already been enshrined; even those having sexual relations outside the family believed them. Therefore, Bartleby Deacon was able to successfully belittle Abigail and have her considered an immoral sinful outcast; that is, unless she had the baby and was married to him.

105. Bitch Boys
"Jag Hatar"  1:45
Häftig Fredag
Stockholm, Sweden

Wallford was driven out of town by the other Subject B and E’s. There were rumors which perpetrated that the cool dark stranger was seen coveting the manipulated wife of the man who ordained the parking meters, the new laws, and the bank…the man who had the most currency. Bartleby also had the sheriff on his side because he called him every day and gave him some gold coins, stolen gold coins to uphold the parking meters. A bounty reward was put out on Wallford--$300—and the dipshits within the community simply believed the tax collector who was stealing their earnings and not allowing them to freely park their horses, and determined to collect the lousy $300, which would have amounted to $87 and 19 cents after taxes.

104. Model Citizens
"Animal Instincts"  2:22
Model Citizens
New York, NY

Sadly, Abigail fell victim, was deemed hopeless, and married Bartleby Deacon. He was happy, overjoyed; she was fucking miserable. He made numerous attempts to enlighten her, claim he could provide her with anything she wanted. Furthermore, during pregnancy when she became vulnerable, he resorted to cruel violent tactics to scare her into staying with him…and him only. Crying in pain from the abuse, she was afraid to show her real emotions.

103. Snakefinger
"Here Comes The Bums"  2:50
Chewing Hides The Sound
London, England (1949)-Linz, Austria (1987)

According to Bartleby Deacon, he broke her in right; he conquered her—slayed her like a beast. “You got to break these bitches in.” She was now “his”; he took what he wanted by any means necessary. You only live once, and enjoy it to the maximum, no matter what…fuck everybody else. Deacon utilized the dirty tactics others had deemed as an unwritten policy, and Abigail was his prize. She was his subordinate, his slave, his belonging, his means of proving to the world that he was actually something special—something remarkable. That he, not anybody else, had the power, money, and authority to do whatever he pleased. And now, he could fuck her whenever he wanted, and flaunt to the world that was a sex magnet capable of alluring hot intelligent free thinking babes such as Abigail.

102. The Muppets
"Rainbow Connection"  3:16
Muppet Movie
JH: Greenville, MS (1936)-New York, NY (1990)

After the baby was born, Abigail dedicated her once free spirit to raising her as he commanded. They even had another just so that she couldn’t go anywhere. However, Abigail dreamed of a better life. Her imaginative mind was still capable of creating outlets. Somewhere, she dreamed of a new world, a better world, her world. Although she had no choice but to remain committed to his lifestyle, she refused to be content with it. What brought her most happiness was the obscure visions of a false happiness…she and Wallford cheerfully riding over a rainbow, rowing down a river surrounded by bouncing kangaroos, beauty, and cartoonish landscapes.

101. Omega
"Hajnal a Város Felett (Dawn In The City)"  7:11
Budapest, Hungary

Since being exiled from yet another community, troubled Wallford was constantly running into problems. Supposedly, he was wanted and therefore his record was severely blemished. Finally, he relocated to a new city, a modern city, one with the towering skyscrapers and perceived cultural advancement. Even though he had never been here and was more in agreement with the surrounding culture, the checkered history of non-conformity played its’ role—obtaining shelter and employment were impossible. Most of these people would have hated Bartleby Deacon. But, word had spread that Wallford was a nuisance. For no reason in particular, the governing security, allies of the secondhand news carriers, apprehended Wallford and placed him in a cell…with some Subject F named Herbie.

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