The Top 25 Songs of 1998

The Top 125 Songs of 1998 + Family Affair
Section 1: Teenage Pregnancy
Section 2: Proud Parents Of The New Generation
Section 3: Love Affair #13
Section 4: Sex Partner #3
Section 5: From the Cradle Til Death Do You Part

Section V: From the Cradle Til Death Do You Part

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

25. Cows
"Cabin Man" 5:14
Sorry in Pig Minor
Minneapolis, MN

After I had sex with Wilma, I felt so extremely guilty that I could not even live with myself. I felt as if I had committed an act so morally wrong that it violated a code of ethics that was categorized as unforgivable. The tension mounted inside me, and finally I decided that I should just end it all before anybody found out about it. My means of suicide was going to consist of jumping off a bridge and into the fast flowing river where I would never been seen again. However, after standing on the bridge contemplating the whole situation, I opted against it. Furthermore, I was running late for work and they had called. There had to be a way to face this situation at and resolve it before it became a crisis. Until then, I’ll just package more God damn marshmallows and pretend as if nothing is wrong.

24. Old Time Relijun
"Jail" 4:28
Olympia, WA

It was the unthinkable, and I wasn’t even sure if what we did was even legal. I suddenly missed the way things used to be, which was not that long ago—not even a couple months. But, I was trapped. Furthermore, I was not able to tell Wilma that I thought the whole thing was a mistake. She seemed perfectly content with it, and we had sex again later that evening.

23. The Jesus and Mary Chain
"Degenerate" 5:30
East Kilbride, Scotland

As much as I found it unethical, I did enjoy having sex with Wilma. I have to admit, I did find her attractive, and took pleasure in fulfilling all of my sexual cravings with her yearning lust. Once we were finished, however, I felt dirty, trashy, sinful. The fact that I had kinky sex with the girl I always assumed was my daughter raised questions as to whether my sense of ethics knew any boundaries. Then, I questioned those boundaries. The line that had supposedly been crossed was blurred, and more than likely fabricated. My life, perhaps, had been a terrible lie and I was finally releasing my true inner self. Because, from the age of 17, I had followed this faux code of morals precisely in order to be a positive role model for Wilma and Elizabeth. Look at how that paid off.

22. Quickspace
"7 Like That" 5:20
Precious Falling
London, England

We sort of started having sex on a regular basis. She slept in the same bed with me and we were constantly intimate with one another. However, I did not tell anybody about any of this. Furthermore, we did not show affection in public; partly because we both hated PDA anyway. But, when we were at home and all alone, Wilma and I acted like lovers. Throughout all of this, I did not feel right about the situation; when we were apart, I thought of the means that I needed to take to terminate this sort of behavior. But, when we were together, I not only enjoyed the passionate eroticism, but had spent the majority of my life giving in to her demands and striving to fulfill her needs. I should have been more strict with her back when I was her father. First it was a puppy, then expensive clothes from the mall, then a car, and now oral sex.

21. Massive Attack
"Angel" 6:20
Bristol, England

Wilma gradually became my girlfriend. As our relationship progressed on this level, I stopped trying to suppress the feelings we had for each other and things slowly made more sense. I was definitely attracted to her physically; she did possess my ideal belly button and feet, which I consider my top two assets I am attracted to in a woman. But, we connected on a much deeper level, and I realized how all of this was possible. Ever since she was born, my personal attributes were molded into her persona. Therefore, I was everything she ever wanted. Furthermore, I had raised her, meaning that she possessed all of the personality traits I deemed positive in a person. She and I never even had an argument; since we had known each other for so long, we knew what each other liked and disliked…we knew each other’s personal interests better than I even knew packaging marshmallows. And whenever we did bicker, it just ended up being comical—no different than when we got on each other’s case back when we were father and daughter.

20. Air
"Sexy Boy" 4:58
Moon Safari
Versailles, France

Simply put, there were no other women that I liked better than Wilma. Even if I wanted to put an end to the affair, there was no way it was humanly possible based on the nature of our whole relationship coupled with common human sexuality. At one time she was daughter, and I had vowed that I would never do anything that could damage her or hurt her feelings. Sexually, there was simply no way to halt this either because we again connected on so many different levels. She had this peculiar fetish where she enjoyed the pleasure of having me undress her. Wilma claimed to have had intense orgasms by me stripping off her clothes. Frequently throughout the day, the moment would arise, and I would strip off her clothes until she was completely bare, fondle and caress her body for a few moments until she came, then she would put her clothes back on until the time came where it could sensually be done again. Also, she had oral fixation and thoroughly enjoyed giving oral pleasure. For a good portion of the day, she wanted to lick it, suck it, or have it by her mouth—everyday, often for several hours a day. Most of the time that we had sexual intercourse with penetration occurred while lying down together, snuggling. She would wiggle her butt in front of my crotch and whimper whenever she needed to be fucked. What heterosexual man would be able to resist that? And, like healthy couples do, we were even permitted to occasionally be kinky and spice things up in the bedroom—since what we were doing was wrong in the eyes of the overly conservative, it’s not as if there were too many things we weren’t willing to try. That and we frequently enjoyed masturbating together for each other’s amusement.

19. Marilyn Manson
"I Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me)" 5:03
Mechanical Animals
Fort Lauderdale, FL

The closer we became, and the more we fell in love with each other, the more she hated Tess. Sure, Tess was her mother, but she was also my ex-wife. Many girlfriends hate the exes anyway, and Wilma was no different. However, our case was more difficult, because my ex prevented us from escalating our relationship to where we would have liked. Even after the divorce, we still felt as if we had to conceal our love for each other. This obviously made her dislike Tess even more and she wished that we could just get rid of her…even suggested that maybe we could just kill her and dump her in a lake. But, whenever she got too ornery discussing Tess, all I had to do was back her in a corner and pull down her shorts and lift up her shirt—she loved that and it worked every time. I wish the rest of life could be that easy. Most often, however, she would keep saying excessively harsh things about Tess (some of them outlandishly hilarious) just so I would continue removing her clothes.

18. Eels
"Last Stop: This Town" 3:27
Electro-Shock Blues
Los Angeles, CA

To spectators who had no prior knowledge of the situation, found us to be a decent couple. The only slight issue was the age difference, but I still looked relatively young for my age, and there were other couples out there with a significantly larger age difference than us. We weren’t like that one couple where the woman has tremendous breasts and the 68 year old bald man has a rich bank account. People who knew us, however, never suspected that we had fallen in love. Many of them did not even know that a DNA result had been provided that determined Wilma was not my biological daughter. When they witness us walking down the street holding hands or whatever, they thought nothing of it because they assumed we were father and daughter. I contemplated moving to a different city, but thought against it for the sake of Elizabeth.

17. Boredoms
"Super Are You" 8:48
Super æ
Ōsaka, Japan

There was a fear intensifying within me, however, that people would tell other people and that could jeopardize our happiness. On that note, I still wished to refrain from disclosing information that may shock certain people and kept our relationship a secret. Wilma, being the young lady she was (now 19), was a bit more defiant. She did not care if people knew and claimed, “If they don’t like it, fuck ‘em. It’s their fault for being stupid.” She wanted to tell people we were together and for us to cease having to be so secretive about the whole affair. In her eyes we weren’t committing any violation—which was true. Elizabeth knew, Wilma told her, and although stunned at first, was completely content with the whole ordeal. As a matter of fact, it made her happy because now she felt that we turned a negative into a positive…and our bond was no longer in jeopardy of weakening. Elizabeth even made snide comments that she and Wilma laughed about like the goofy teenage girls they were: “My sister is dating my dad.”

16. Duster
"Echo, Bravo" 4:32
San Jose, CA

Wilma got pregnant. She was on birth control, but after she found out, admitted there was a week where she forgot to take her pills. Unlike with that slut Tess, there was no suspicions whatsoever that the pregnancy may have been caused by another guy. However, our relationship was still somewhat being kept a secret. Last time I was in this situation, I was but a teenager even younger than Wilma; I am older now and know how to handle the circumstances better. Guys older than me were still having children. But, honestly, I did not want another child and the thought of another one after all we had been through was more than I could bear. I had already raised two, one of them being the girl who I just got pregnant. Thankfully, Wilma was not too keen on having children either.

15. Gastr Del Sol
"Each Dream Is an Example" 5:42
Louisville, KY

I was remorseful upon pondering Wilma’s pregnancy. She was but a young girl, and I felt as if I had ruined her whole life. Being as I was the adult, I should have been more authoritative and ended this charade before it escalated to this extreme. However, she implied that she was the one who initiated everything, and for me to stop worrying about it…it would have ruined her life more had I rejected her. Although neither of us are staunch republicans or devout Christians, we did not consider having an abortion. Wilma wanted to have the child and put it up for adoption.

14. The Church
"No Certainty Attached" 4:00
Hologram Of Baal
Sydney, Australia

A young couple from Nigeria agreed to adopt the child. They were going to fly in from Africa, accept ownership of the white baby, and raise the child in their homeland of Nigeria. These two were wonderful people and we immediately made friends with them. The Woostooki family were proud Nigerians and extremely wealthy. They felt as if their nation was perceived negatively too often in American media and were sickened by the notion that so many American families adopted African children (especially since the whole slavery debacle that took place several hundred years ago) and portrayed their nation to be a poverty/disease stricken famine Hell. Their goal was to adopt a poor American child and provide them a wonderful home in Africa where they could live in peace and harmony. Wilma and I agreed that we would never have any attachments to the child whatsoever, and maybe never even see it.

13. Belle and Sebastian
"The Rollercoaster Ride" 6:37
The Boy With the Arab Strap
Glasgow, Scotland

For Wilma’s pregnancy, I was for more prepared than I ever was with Tess’s. Not only was I more financially stable this time around, and knew what to expect because I had already lived through it, but I had been taking care of Wilma ever since she was a baby. Therefore, driving her back and forth to the doctor’s office was nothing new to me. Aside from the past year or so, Wilma had basically been my dependent anyway. It was just an interesting progression from driving her to elementary school to attending Lamaze classes with her; going from her father to the father of her baby. The adjustment period accompanying this aspect was a fairly smooth transition, all things considered; primarily because compatibility wise, we were pretty much the perfect couple. There was no feuding or excessive stressful bitchiness involved with this pregnancy.

12. Ścianka
"Ścianka" 7:18
Statek Kosmiczny
Sopot, Poland

Once Wilma became noticeably pregnant, it somewhat became obvious how we had been spending our evenings alone at the apartment. This was the difficult period and when we had to embrace the fact that we needed to confess everything. Some people congratulated me that I was becoming a grandpa. I seemed surprised and told them that I was not becoming a grandpa because Elizabeth was not pregnant. What about Wilma? Well, she’s not my daughter. And, I am becoming a father again. I thought…oh. For whatever reason, this startled people, created awkward moments, and downright angered many. After I explained the whole situation, people who I once considered friends stopped talking to me entirely. Some claimed it was “sick” and “disturbing” but had could not explain why; they had no logical reasoning for why they felt the way they did. The family was most unsure how to approach this situation, and Tess, to say the least, was slightly agitated—just slightly (slightly meaning she busted out one of the windows of my car). Fuck her, what did she care? So what, I was dating her daughter. She couldn’t have said that was too poor of judgment on Wilma’s part because Tess dated me for over 18 years.

11. The Boo Radleys
"Monuments For A Dead Century" 5:58
Wallasey, England

The reaction of the community only angered me, and I began to feel more like Wilma in terms of adamantly coming out of the closet. Furthermore, the more distressed I became with the whole situation, Wilma seemed to always have the most comforting words and always knew how to make me feel more at ease. This was when I realized that I truly loved Wilma unconditionally with all of my heart. I not only accepted the notion that I was in love with the girl I once considered my daughter, but embraced the fact that I had the most suitable partner imaginable. She was perfect in every way, and I finally stopped caring what others might think and officially took our happiness into consideration. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Wilma and I proposed to her. Even though neither of us thought too highly of the concept of marriage, she gladly accepted and we were married at the courthouse…no wedding, no church, no invitations, none of that stupid ass shit.

10. Butterfly Child
"Mad Bird" 4:16
Soft Explosives
Belfast, Northern Ireland

This meant that Tess, my ex-wife, was now my mother-in-law. I had no problem with this because in the old days, jokes were made insisting the mother-in-law was supposed to be a real bitch anyway. Tess was the definition of the bitchy mother-in-law too; the only difference being that I used to be married to her and she was also the mother of my daughter; her official title was baby’s mama mother-in-law. Ex wives are natural bitches too. Plus, she always bossed me around anyway and constantly yelled at me for shit I didn’t even do. How I stayed with her as long as I did remained my ultimate mystery.

9. The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
"Magical Colors" 4:10
New York, NY

Elizabeth’s situation became the most perplexed, and she was the one who accepted it the most. I was now both her father and her brother-in-law. Wilma was both her sister and her mother-in-law; Wilma claimed this gave her the right to boss Elizabeth around. “Listen, bitch, you better do what I say or else you will get grounded.” These two girls were nutcases. Also, Elizabeth was again getting ready to become a sister, by her sister… and an aunt, all for the same child that was only getting shipped to Nigeria. I primarily considered Elizabeth my daughter, never my sister-in-law, and because I have such high morals, Wilma had luxury of never worrying about her spouse finding her sister more attractive…although I had to devote equal time between them. Oh well, that meant Wilma had to assist Elizabeth financially since she was now her mom.

8. All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavors
"Emergency Turn Off" 4:41
Turning Into Small
Ringwood, NJ

Tess’s dad went from my father-in-law, to unrelated, to grandfather-in-law. I’m not sure how he felt with the notion that I had slept with and impregnated both his daughter and his granddaughter. However, I suspected that he was not going be purchasing us a new washer and dryer anytime soon. My dad went from Wilma’s grandfather-in-law to father-in-law. He claimed to be happier with this because it made him feel young again. I sent my high school pal Milton Oswald a message on Facebook informing him that he was now my father-in-law. I don’t think he took this seriously, was unsure how to even respond, and even de-friended me on Facebook as a result.

7. The Bogmen
"Highway of Shame" 4:21
Closed Captioned Radio
Huntington, NY

After we were married, we were completely despised by most of our relatives and the people in the community. People who were once close to us were appalled by our actions and refused to display any kindness towards us whatsoever. Furthermore, they even told other people, and rumor about our past spread. We were denied decent service at places where we used to be regular customers. Sadly, we became known as that “father/daughter incestuous couple” even though we were of no relation. For the first time ever in her innocent life, Wilma was perceived as evil and a sinner.

6. Cat Power
"American Flag" 3:31
Moon Pix
Atlanta, GA/New York, NY

The people who did continue to speak to us, we found that we liked better anyway. Only a select few members of our immediate family accepted us, with Elizabeth having no problems whatsoever. Furthermore, people who did not know the whole history obviously had no problems at all—why would they have any issues with two consensual unrelated adults getting married. We ended up having to change our entire lifestyle and associate ourselves in different regions of the city in which we were not known or recognized.

5. Earl Brutus
"Don't Die Jim" 4:18
Tonight You Are the Special One
London, England

Aside from our past history, however, some people still had a few lingering issues. The age difference seemed problematic for some; they thought a 17 year age difference qualified as me rocking the cradle. A 19 year old girl marrying a man in his 30’s caused some disturbance, but nothing too extreme; I kind of hated being referred to as her “sugar daddy” though. Other “patriotic” Americans had issues with us allowing an African family to adopt the child. To these people, America was to only country on Earth with any freedoms whatsoever and Nigeria was but a 3rd World Country; they declared the child was more than likely only going to be eaten. I had to question their ethics and their intelligence. If America was so free and full of liberty and free-thinkers, then why were Wilma and I completely renounced by these very same patriots preaching American freedom?

4. Mercury Rev
"Opus 40" 5:11
Deserter's Songs
Buffalo, NY

Regardless, as far as the “us” aspect of our relationship, Wilma and I were happy in every way possible. We laughed frequently, constantly shared enjoyable moments, and truly cherished each other’s companionship. She always had this affect on me, and several times in the course of my life made my heart flutter in a fashion in which no other could. There is this feeling that occurs inside the chest when you see something so adorable it affects your heart rate. I’m not sure if every person on Earth has ever experienced this, for I only experienced it with Wilma. I first felt this when she was a child, and this adoration continued throughout her transformation to adolescence to adulthood. It’s still there, although on an entirely different level. Seeing her smile was always the one thing that I longed for most. And, I am truly thankful that even after I discovered that she was not my daughter that I was still able to enjoy these feelings of love and our relationship need never end.

3. Neutral Milk Hotel
"Ghost + The Penny Arcade in California" 4:09 + 2:16
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Ruston, LA

The baby was finally born and the Woostooki family flew to the country and took the little bastard back to Africa. We have no clue what they decided to name the little mother fucker. But, we didn’t care; it wasn’t any of our business. We pledged to never wonder about the little shithead or refer to it as our baby. In fact, we even decided that we would only refer to it as an “it” or names such as “the fucking brat” or those terms of endearment. I was relieved when the baby finally came out; I felt that was a lot of effort for nothing…I hope the Woostooki family are happy. Also, I was grateful that Wilma claimed that she never even wanted kids; Elizabeth was enough for her. Fortunately, with this pregnancy, I never had to sell photographs of Wilma nude in order to pay for the necessities—and wouldn’t have either. To me, that proved that I loved Wilma far more than I ever loved Tess.

2. Six by Seven
"88-92-96" 6:34
The Things We Make
Nottingham, England

Then came the outraged imbeciles. Stupid mother fuckers gathered in front of our home protesting our entire relationship. These assholes became hostile with us and attempted to resort to violence—we had to flee away quickly in the car. Our apartment was vandalized. People approached wanting to talk about the Lord and giving us pamphlets suggesting that we needed saved or else we would be going to Hell. The religious fruitcakes were bad enough, but the patriots also became hostile because we allowed an African family to adopt the baby. Both of them combined were overwhelming.

I suppose they had the right to believe whatever they wished, but I simply found them all incredibly stupid. They failed to back up their beliefs with any sort of validity whatsoever, and the credibility of their fabricated implications was obtuse. I had no interest in anything they had to say and did not care about one single item they tried to discuss with us. Furthermore, I don’t know why they even cared; it was none of their business; and many of these assholes I had never even seen before. That’s what happens when people watch too much television: their minds constrict and the amount of logical issues they are able to comprehend is limited to what the commentators tell them during the analysis.

#1. Sonic Youth
"Wild Flower Soul" 9:05
A Thousand Leaves
New York, NY

Finally, we left the city and moved to a new city in which nobody knew anything about us. To make matters even better, Elizabeth joined us because she was sick of this place too. It was the best thing we had even done, as we were greatly accepted in this new community. Furthermore, I no longer had to work in a shitty ass marshmallow packaging plant and easily landed an even better job. We made all sorts of new friends and Elizabeth eventually found the love of her life. Wilma and I endured the perfect relationship and never had one single argument; we were the model for marital happiness even when we both grew old together.

We now transfer the narration to the third person omniscient narrator.

Up to now, and to anybody’s knowledge, there had been no violations of humanity in regards to Wilma’s relationship with the previous protagonist. They had tested extremely compatible in a study conducted by The Grand Scheme of Things Board Committee and were listed in the registry as one of the top few most compatible couples in the universe. Therefore, people had no choice but to question whether or not the only act of mischief regarding this relationship should even be considered malicious or whether it should be considered that true love was meant to be.

Several years prior to the divorce, Wilma had overheard Tess discussing matters with Elizabeth’s real father. She knew all along that Elizabeth’s real father was never the protagonist. However, somewhere around the age of 14, she developed what is commonly considered a schoolgirl crush on her own father. This never went away and only strengthened as she got older, and there was nothing she could do to help constrain the way she felt about her father. The fact that it was considered sinful and illegal for her to be with the man she truly loved bothered her. Plus, she felt as if she only had one life to lead and she might as well enjoy it.

Therefore, she is the one who instigated both the divorce and the DNA test. As stated, she was 100% certain that Elizabeth was not actually his biological daughter and therefore switched the DNA samples when nobody was looking. As a result of the switch, it was mistakenly revealed that Elizabeth was in fact the biological daughter and not Wilma. However, Wilma always was his official biological daughter and she always knew this…and never told a single person of her alleged crime.

But, being as the two tested so highly in the compatibility rating within the registry, The Grand Scheme of Things Board Committee granted amnesty to the fact that she switched the DNA. Furthermore, the committee intervened to ensure that the residents of the new community in which they relocated would never know of their history. Tess was en route to the city for a surprise attack, but ended up getting in a car crash, no serious injuries. It played an effect on how easily the previous protagonist landed his new job as well.

As for the baby, well, that little shitface lives in Africa. Due to the fact that it was born out of incest, it is a bit different than a “normal” child. However, most Africans think this is primarily because the child is white and an American, and all white Americans need special attention anyway.

END CREDITS: Six by Seven
"For You"  2:56
The Things We Make
Nottingham, England

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.
Lead character in no way, shape, or form affiliated with Little Becky brand Marshmallows, and in no way intended to represent Little Becky Marshmallows; never even had Little Becky Marshmallows and simply liked the picture.
Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
Eraserhead reference written by David Lynch
Special thanks to Sam Mendes for influence
Jodi character influenced by American Beauty written by Alan Ball, directed by Sam Mendes
Section of #23 in agreement with a scene from Six Feet Under

Other images by: better propaganda.com


Top Image by: http://www.vine2victory.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Love_41.jpg
Bottom Image by: http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2249/2281533475_449971a37f_z.jpg
End Credits Image by: http://www.alicia-logic.com/capsimages01/mmy_093TheEnd.jpg

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