Part 1: Family Values in America
Part 2: The Oblivious Barnes Family
Part 3: The Lunch That Changed Everything
Part 4: Chickens are Extinct
Part 5: Masturbation is a Sin!
Part 6: Cracks in the Foundation
Part 7: Dr. Shaw's Party & The Aftermath That Ensued
Part 8: Disaster Finally Strikes
Part VI: Cracks in the Foundation
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
75. Van Morrison
Belfast, Northern Ireland
The moment Tonya walked in the front door, the kids all went upstairs. She walked inside thinking everything was normal.
“Tonya,” Doug unpleasantly hollered out.
“Yes,” she replied.
“Get your butt in here,” he commanded.
The tone in his voice instantly irritated her. She was bitter with him already and had no desire to listen to him lecture her.
“What,” she said without sitting down, hinting she wanted him to be quick, and was not overly interested in what he had to say.
“Where have you been?”
“At the mall.”
“At the mall? You missed church to go to the mall. That’s not really a good excuse to miss church. You should only miss church if you are sick or there’s an emergency. And if you miss church, you can’t be out doing things like going to the mall.”
Tonya thought of several things she would like to have said. “Fuck you prick, I’ll miss church whenever I want to do whatever I want,” was the main thing she felt like saying. Or something along the lines of, “I’m not a child. I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want.”
But none of those words escaped her mouth. She just didn’t feel like arguing.
“All right,” she said but sounded insincere, and then she walked off.
74. Crystal Skulls
For her, this was telling him off. And, it made him mad that she so nonchalantly blew him off when he considered this matter serious. He arose and followed her into the kitchen.
“What did you get at the mall?” He questioned it as if anything she bought was insignificant or worthless.
“I bought this outfit,” she said showing it to him.
“What did it cost?”
“Pretty much,” was all she answered.
“You know, this family has more important things to be spending our money on other than you going out and buying clothes.”
“I work too you know,” she was about ready to blow up but was trying to remain calm. “In fact, I make as much money as you do. I work hard for my money and if I want to treat myself occasionally to something nice I’m going to.”
Doug was outraged. “Well, you should have checked with me first.”
“You weren’t here.”
“No, I was at church with my family. Where you should have been too.”
“Oh well.” Tonya knew she could not say anything without losing her cool.
“So, is that all you wasted our money on?”
Tonya hated the way he said our money. The way she looked at it, as long as she worked, she had the right to buy whatever she wanted as long as the kids weren’t starving and the bills were paid.
“No,” she said adamantly, “I’m taking up a new hobby. I bought some crafts, a hot glue gun, and,” she was positive this would infuriate him, “they had a huge sale on hot glue, so I bought two full cases of it.”
"Say Can You See" 3:58
Doug was so outraged his hands were trembling. His face was boiling red and looked like his head may catch fire. “Who said you could buy all this? I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t go haywire on buying things just because they are on sale. Look what happened with the butter.”
Now Tonya was furious for he brought up the butter incident again. “I said I could buy it!”
“Yeah, well I’m the man of this household and I make all the decisions around here.”
“Oh, is that a fact? You think by being born a male you have the right to override whatever decision I which to make for myself.”
“You’re God-damned right I do! It says so in the Bible- men are to be the leaders and women are his servants. If you’d have went to church this morning you’d have known that.”
“Whatever,” Tonya finally walked off. She grabbed her bags and headed upstairs.
Doug remained downstairs and tried to calm himself down. The argument was over, but neither was pleasant with the other for the rest of the night. The dinner table was relatively silent, and Doug ordered Tonya fix dinner when he felt it was time to eat. Surprisingly, they had pork chops that night.
72. The Cribs
"Mirror Kissers" 3:38
The New Fellas
Although the two didn’t speak to each other all day, they thought of one another. Tonya recalled how things were prior to discovering masturbation and concluded perhaps her actions were wrong. She never acted this way before. Just a month ago, she never skipped church, never spent excessively on herself at the mall, never masturbated, and never was insubordinate to Doug’s orders- much less do all of this in the same day.
At first, she felt like she had just achieved a victory for standing up for herself. But after a full day of thinking about it, she understood how Doug could be upset with her. This was indeed out of character for her and she had violated the rules of the house. She figured she had just gone through a temporary phase and realized it needed to stop.
That night before bed, Doug tried to patch things up. He somewhat apologized for scolding her, but also induced a guilt trip on her for not setting a positive example for the children. He calmly and pleasantly reminded her the rules of the house and explained to her that he may approve of her buying stuff for herself so long as she check with him first. She agreed and they smiled at each other and went to sleep.
"NY Pie" 1:59
The following Monday at the clinic, Tonya had almost completely reverted back to her old self. She barely spoke to anybody and disregarded casual conversations. Tonya’s whole day changed at lunch. She went to lunch early just to find that Tristen had been delegated to work in the lunchroom. The lunchroom was in fact a storage area that people outside the department rarely entered. Due to limited space in the hospital, Rick’s department utilized the room to eat their lunch secluded from their daily work routines.
“What are you doing in here,” she asked him.
“They’re moving these personnel files to a different storage area. I have to box all this crap up and take inventory of it. It’s probably going to take me a few weeks.”
He just so happened to be sitting in the seat where Tonya normally sat. However, he couldn’t sit any place else for he was working and absolutely had occupy that space, so Tonya had to sit someplace else. It really complicated matters because Elaine sat across from her and Tonya generally spoke only to Elaine. Also, other than Rick and Elaine, nobody else who ate lunch in that area liked Tonya and many downright hated her. Several stopped eating with the group entirely because of her.
Tonya put her food in the microwave and stood while it cooked. Once her food was finished, she was unsure where to sit. She was definitely not going to sit next to him, so she sat at the end of the table as far from him as possible. As she ate, she tried to peruse a magazine, but something else was on her mind. Just yesterday, she vowed to terminate what she had been doing. She swore she would quit masturbating so much and cease fantasizing about Tristen entirely. Ever since that moment in the bathroom at Camp Washington Chili she’d been acting strange and her erratic behavior had caused a dilemma.
She had not even thought of him all day. No matter how much she resisted though, she kept glancing up at him. Once again, she had become sexually stimulated, but she forced herself to control it. She went back to reading her magazine.
The rest of the crew entered and sat in their usual spots. By the time Elaine arrived, all the seats around Tonya had been taken. People were confused when they saw Tonya seated in the vicinity in which they normally sat. They tried to distance themselves from her for they didn’t want her in their conversation. “Man,” Rick told Tristen when he came in, “you got everything all screwed up in here. You’ve wrecked our whole system.”
“Yeah,” said Josh, joking around with him.
“Sorry,” Tristen very insincerely told everybody with a smile. “You bastards should be working anyway, not down here dicking around.”
“Yeah whatever,” said Rick who was the boss, “somebody said they came in here and you were sleeping.”
Rick was kidding but acted serious with Tristen. Tristen knew he was joking and the two went on like this for a bit. Rick fabricated crazy accusations that other people claimed they had caught doing all day instead of working, such as smoking pot and playing video games on the computer. Josh insisted he caught Tristen having sex with an inflatable doll.
Tonya paid close attention to this whole conversation for Elaine was far away and she couldn’t speak to her, plus it involved Tristen. She even laughed at some things that were said even though they were crude. Even though she swore to end the sexual fantasies, she now had a personal interest in Tristen. She had a desire to fit in with the group because he did. She refrained from making any comments that might make Tristen dislike her. In fact, she hoped she could do something to impress him. She paid close attention to every word he said and studied his every move.
70. Big Star
"A Whole New Thing" 3:53
Then, Elaine tried to talk to her from the other side of the table. It was getting on Rick’s nerves for she was shouting across him. Finally, Elaine told Tonya to sit in the seat almost across from her, which was next to Tristen. It just so happened to be the only unoccupied seat in the room. She agreed to do so.
“Yeah, sit over next to Tristen,” Rick yelled out as she was walking, “he’ll probably put a date rape drug in your drink and start trying to feel you up while you’re eating. Just more bullshit he’d be doing when he should be working.”
This was among the least funny of all the ridiculous comments made towards Tristen. However, it created the greatest roar of laughter simply because it was said to Tonya. Nobody else could get away with saying this to her, and they were shocked Rick was able to get away with it.
Tonya smiled at the comment but said nothing. The thought of Tristen giving her a date rape drug and feeling her up sounded appealing. This thought entered her head automatically, and it uncontrollably disregarded her plans to terminate these types of thoughts. But, after she sat in the chair next to Tristen, she mostly listened to Elaine talk about her furniture and couldn’t think about him much.
69. The Rolling Stones
"Streets Of Love" 5:10
A Bigger Bang
Everyone in the room was allotted 30 minutes for lunch. Many took exactly that and a few left having taken a few extra minutes. Elaine was the last one down there, so naturally she stayed down there longer than the rest. Tonya could take as long of a lunch as she wanted, and opted to stay until Elaine was ready to leave. The lunchroom was now empty except for Tonya and Elaine, and Tristen who was working.
Tristen just so happened to be cornered in where Tonya was next to him and Elaine was directly across from him. He kept busy with his work and did not get involved in their conversation. He tried his best to tune them out. In fact, he often thought how stupid these two were and anticipated his head may explode from having to listen to them. He devoted his concentration to the music that was playing in the background.
Tonya was deeply involved in her conversation with Elaine. She liked Elaine and the topic of conversation was important to her. A mutual acquaintance had purchased a lampshade and it didn’t match any of the rest of the furniture in the house.
Tonya got comfortable in her seat and even kicked off her shoe and gently rubbed her foot against the soft, delicate fabric of a chair leg. In order to make better contact with Elaine, her chair was spun to where it was facing Tristen.
Finally, their conversation ended and Elaine declared she better get back.
“Yeah,” Tonya replied, “I better get back too even though I don’t want to.”
Tonya looked down for her shoe and then suddenly realized none of the chair legs had a soft, delicate fabric covering it. The whole time, strictly by accident, she had been rubbing her foot on Tristen’s leg.
“I’m sorry,” she said to him embarrassed, “was I kicking you the whole time?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it 'kicking',” he said obviously not bothered.
“I am so sorry,” she was so embarrassed her face was turning red, “I thought I was kicking the chair.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured that,” he said going back to his work.
“She was getting fresh with you and playing footsie,” Elaine joked causing Tonya to even more embarrassed.
“That’s what I was hoping,” Tristen joked back.
Elaine laughed out loud. “See you later,” she told him as she left smiling.
68. Neil Diamond
"Hell Yeah" 4:26
New York, NY/Beverly Hills, CA
Tonya was so flustered that she fled out of the lunchroom in a similar fashion a robber flees from a bank. After she parted with Elaine, she raced back to her clinic with an enormous amount of thoughts she needed to go over.
First of all, she was supposed to stop thinking about Tristen. She had done a good job all day and this happened solely by accident. Of all the people she would accidentally rub her foot on, it had to be him.
Second, she worried that maybe he thought she had a thing for him. At that very moment, she did not. Well, she was trying not to anyway. But then, she grew concerned that she really did and he was going to find out about it. She also knew that she often looked at him for lengthy periods of time whenever he was present and now he was going to be on to her.
Third, maybe she just cheated on her husband. She was worried Elaine knew about her sexual fantasies involving Tristen and thought the two of them were having an actual affair. Because they were siblings, Tonya grew concerned Elaine might tell Doug what happened. This had her feeling guilty.
Fourth, she had just committed sexual harassment to a co-worker. In the past, she and Tristen had feuded. It was just recently she had grown to tolerate him, but maybe he still didn’t like her. She was worried he might file a suit on her and get her fired.
Fifth, she wandered why he didn’t tell her she was rubbing his foot on him. Maybe he didn’t feel it. But he said he did.
Sixth, she heard him say to Elaine that he was hoping she was getting fresh with him. Was he just joking?
Back to fifth, he didn’t say anything because he wasn’t joking. He felt her foot on him and liked it. Perhaps it turned him on and he was getting aroused by Tonya for he found her to be extremely seductive and constantly fantasized about being with her. Quite possibly, Tristen felt the same way for her as she did him.
This made her blithesome. She recalled the outfit she bought yesterday and how good she looked in it. She suddenly felt confidence in herself and embraced the notion that she was so beautiful, she could easily score with whom she considered the cutest boy in the whole city of Cincinnati. An incredible sensation of sexual lust came over her as she strutted back to the clinic, beautiful in every way.
67. A Gun Called Tension
"Gold Fronts" 3:23
A Gun Called Tension
After dinner that night, Tonya wished to begin a new crafts project using her newly acquired hot glue gun. She proceeded to her bedroom so she could accomplish her project in private. She changed into a pair of ultra skimpy denim shorts and elected not to wear any panties underneath just in case she got the urge to fondle herself. She became incredibly horny just getting undressed. But, now was not a good time for any member of her family could walk in and catch her.
She gathered all the materials for her project and spread them out across the floor. She was planning a crafty design for a photo album that could be useful as a wedding gift. She worked diligently on her newfound project and discovered she had a knack for design and coordinating colors.
While she worked, she recalled what had occurred at lunch again. She was certain Tristen adored her too. She pictured herself in situations in which she and Tristen would be alone and how easily she could have him.
Her fantasies now seemed realistic and took on events that actually occurred in reality, or involved situations she deemed possible. Right then, her fantasy took place in the lunch room, and it began with her rubbing her foot up against Tristen’s leg.
In real life, Doug never showed any affection whatsoever to Tonya’s feet. He never rubbed them, touched them, massaged them, sucked her toes or engaged in any sort of kinky foot sex. However, Tonya’s feet was an erogenous area for her. She had heard other women discuss how relaxing and wonderful a pedicure was and she eminently wished to have one. She had an alluring desire for a sensual foot massage as well.
In real life, Tristen had what was called a foot fetish. Tonya knew of it because he once told everybody at lunch (further proof he enjoyed her rubbing her foot against him) and they all thought he was crazy (all the guys anyway, the women remained silent on the issue). However, foot fetishes were fairly common. An abundance of pornographic material featured photos of women’s feet and many of them devoted more attention to women’s feet than the usual tits, pussy, and ass. The feet had to be pretty though, tanned with painted nails, proportioned toes, and possibly a toe-ring.
66. The Chap
"Baby I'm Hurtin'" 2:23
So, in her fantasy, she envisioned herself rubbing her foot on his leg. This time he noticed.
“I’m sorry,” she told him, “my foot was bothering me and I needed to rub it against something soft.”
“That’s okay,” he replied, “Would you like me to rub them for you?”
“Oh please do. That would be great.”
Then she imagined him scooting back in his seat and she propped her foot up on his lap. As he massaged them passionately, gently caressing her toes with his soft fingers, he commented about how beautiful they were and how beautiful she is.
“You may kiss them if you like,” she told him, brushing her foot against his crotch gently rubbing his stiffened love shaft.
He blissfully did so and kissed them repeatedly. He kissed on the tip of her toes first and then lavished each toe with his eager tongue. Gradually, he inserted each toe into his mouth and passionately sucked on it. She imagined this to be the greatest feeling on Earth. So good, that in real life she put down what she was doing and allowed her fingers to gently caress her toes, then slide up her fervid thighs, and up her shorts and into the steaming lust of her moistened hole.
“Hey hon,” Doug said gleefully as he burst in and she quickly pulled her hand out of her shorts, “Come on downstairs. Bean’s here.”
“Um,” she told him, “I’m busy here.”
“Ah, you can fool with that later. That stuff’s not really important. Bean will think you’re a bad hostess or might think you’re mad at him or something.” He went downstairs expecting she’d be following soon. Also, Melissa woke up crying.
“So,” she thought again, “what the fuck do I want to see Bean for?”
The Runners Four
San Francisco, CA
She got Melissa, and even though she didn’t want to, proceeded downstairs to the living room. She was still wearing those skimpy shorts and if she sat just right, you could look right up them and see bush- possibly even her lips. She was barefooted too and her nails were painted (ever since she heard of Tristen’s fetish, she constantly kept them polished).
“Hey there,” Bean said with a smile when she came down, like he always did, as if she would be delighted to see him.
“Hello,” she said back.
She sat in the loveseat across from where Bean was sitting. The kids were all upstairs, except for April, who was playing with her favorite doll in the bathroom by dunking its head in toilet. She claimed the doll liked it. Her parents where unsure of her whereabouts, they just knew she was playing with that doll somewhere.
Melissa’s crying was irritating as always. Doug and Bean talked about things she had no interest in and could not relate to. She didn’t speak.
“Hey Bean,” asked Doug, “would you like a milkshake or a glass of grapefruit juice of something?”
Tonya knew what was coming. She lacked any desire to be fooling with this tonight. She had no idea why she was even summoned to be down here. She would rather be back in the bedroom working on her project.
“If this fucker asks for cranberry juice, I’m going to spit in it,” she thought to herself.
“Yeah,” he said happily, “I’ll take a glass of cranberry juice.”
“Tonya honey, could you get us two glasses of cranberry juice?”
She did without arguing, but this charade had antiquated long ago. She was very furious that Doug not only prevented her from finishing her project, but he interrupted her Tristen fantasy too. Then, the prick expected her to be their servant. Once in a while would be okay, but this had been going on almost every night. She spit in both of their drinks, although spitting in a spouse’s drink is sort of pointless.
64. Lightning Bolt
"Bizarro Bike" 5:19
Tonya gave them their drinks and reseated herself in the chair. She had to sit with her legs spread for Melissa had to lie across her lap. Doug could not see her crotch, but thought she looked incredibly sexy in those shorts. Bean, on the other hand, could see right up her shorts and noticed she wasn’t wearing any panties. A lot of men would get angry or jealous if another man saw certain areas of his wife’s body. Bean tried not to stare too hard, but his penis had fully rectified and cum was beginning to seep through his jeans. As he talked to Doug as if nothing was going on, he tried to cover up his boner with his glass of cranberry juice.
Tonya finally caught him looking up her shorts. She looked down at her crotch and realized she had been exposing herself. At first she was embarrassed, and even offended, and quickly crossed her legs. She was angry and contemplated confronting him about it. She also noticed his erection and found that sickening.
Upon second thought, she found Bean’s arousal flattering. Fortunately for Bean, Tonya was going through a phase where she was just now realizing her beauty. She re-spread her legs for Bean, this time farther. She wandered if she could make him cum in his pants and wandered how often he had sexual fantasies that involved her. Tonya was going to make certain he did tonight. When she was positive Doug wasn’t looking, and Bean was, (while facing Doug and as if everything was normal) she slid her fingers up her shorts and caressed herself.
Melissa interrupted with her annoying cry again. Tonya got up to tend her. When she sat back down, she sat next to Bean on the couch. She sat close to Bean. She kept her legs crossed so Doug wouldn’t know that his best friend had got a peep at his wife’s private area. Whenever Doug wasn’t looking, she brushed her foot against Bean’s leg or moved her hand around to where it accidentally grazed the side of his leg. Finally, she reached over Bean to grab the pacifier resting on the nightstand next to the couch. Purposely, she accidentally brushed her hand across Bean’s crotch as she reached for the pacifier.
63. Sons and Daughters
"Rama Lama" 5:11
The Repulsion Box
Bean had to leave all of sudden and quickly dashed for the door. He claimed he was late for an appointment to get his haircut.
“Bean,” Doug told him, “it’s kind of late buddy. I think all the hair cutting places are closed.”
“Yeah,” he said as he was rushing out the door, “The guy’s coming over to the house to do it. Bye.”
“A man’s coming over to your house to cut your hair?” Doug was very confused.
“I’ll talk at ya.”
Bean appeared to be in a hurry. He darted out the door. He also took the glass of cranberry juice with him and used it to conceal his crotch as he hastily exited the Barnes’ house. Doug raced after him, but Bean had already driven off.
“Hey!”, Doug shouted to his car from the porch, “just bring that glass into work in the morning.” Its doubtful Bean heard him.
That was exactly what she was hoping for. She immediately returned upstairs to finish her project. Also, she was able to pick up right where she left off in her Tristen fantasy. She now pictured herself having both of her feet in his lap, him sucking off one of her toes on one foot, and her other foot crammed into his unzipped pants. And once again, her hand found its way up her shorts.
"My Hi-Matic" 5:58
We Are Monster
And once again, Doug entered. It was 10:00, time for bed.
“Let’s put that away,” he told her, “it’s time for bed.”
He got into the bed. Once again, the fucking scum didn’t even brush his teeth. She suddenly realized she was tired and needed to get to bed as well. Doug was taking notice to how sexy she looked in those shorts. She unbuttoned and unzipped them and slipped them off. Doug eagerly watched the whole time.
She went to the bathroom and, unlike that fucking scum Doug, Tonya actually brushed her teeth. She re-entered the bedroom wearing only a shirt and Doug gazed at her twat the whole time. His dick was so hard he could have dry humped the sheets for ecstatic pleasure.
As she got into bed and turned out the lights, Tonya laid on her back, closed her eyes, and successfully returned to her fantasy about Tristen. She wished she could have masturbated right there in the bed and felt that her pussy was soaking wet. Suddenly Doug rolled on top of her and stuck his little thing in there. She instantly moaned in ecstasy for she was fantasizing that it was Tristen.
Doug erupted forcefully as soon as he heard her moan. It was the first time that had happened, and he thought it was because he was such a good lay. He pulled out and rolled over and went to sleep feeling proud.
Tonya didn’t get through much of her fantasy with Doug on top her. It was pretty much she pictured Tristen getting on top of her and then suddenly disappearing; sort of like Doug came and Tristen went. Once he was finished, at 10:08- the exact same time as when he started, she returned her concentration to doing Tristen in the lunchroom, and eventually fell asleep. She took pleasure in having made two people cum in one day. Maybe three, for she figured Tristen masturbated thinking of her that night too.
61. Lemon Jelly
"'95 aka Make Things Right" 6:00
'64 - '95
Doug was certainly in a jolly mood the following day. He was even happier than what April would’ve been had her doll Becky landed that job at the post office. He was jovial to all his co-workers when he came in, and even expressed kindness to some of the customers he normally ripped off.
Tonya on the other hand, could not wait until lunch. She thought about lunch all day knowing Tristen would be working in that area. She went to lunch exceptionally early in order to alone with him in the lunchroom.
Once down there, she put her food in the microwave and this time sat right next to Tristen immediately. He didn’t say shit to her, and remained focused on his work. In fact, he didn’t pay her any attention whatsoever. After all, the two of them rarely spoke anyway. Strange how he was a significant part of her life, yet they had never had a meaningful conversation. Whenever they did converse, they irritated each other. They had a mutual, unwritten/undiscussed agreement not speak to each other. But that all became null and void the moment Tonya suddenly found him beautiful and developed a masturbating addiction.
60. B.C. Camplight
"La, La, La" 4:38
Hide, Run Away
Tonya wanted to talk to him, but was unsure what to say. She hoped to impress him. Her anecdote was the lame shop story Doug, Dakota, and Bean found so amusing. Therefore, she told Tristen the hysterical tale about how Rooster couldn’t get the lug nut off because he was turning his wrench the wrong way. As she told it, she laughed and hoped Tristen would find it amusing. At the story’s conclusion, he didn’t even smile. He simply looked annoyed and wished she would shut the fuck up and go away.
“Huh, that’s a bummer,” he politely said and then went back to work.
Obviously, he wasn’t enlightened. It occurred to her, the story her husband and son found so incredibly hilarious, was perceived as totally lame by everyone outside Doug’s shop. What a failure, for now she looked like an idiot in front of the boy she was desperately trying to impress. Tonya pretended to be unscathed by it. (She completely forgot her food in the microwave and was not even interested in eating it.) She had another trick up her sleeve.
“Chickens are extinct,” she blurted out disrupting the silence.
Tristen dropped his work and tried everything in his power to keep from laughing at her. He pressed his lips tightly together, closed his eyes, covered up his mouth with his hand, and turned his head away from her. His breathing was seriously altered and he tried to hold his breath to constrain the laughter. He couldn’t even look at her.
Tristen believed Tonya to be in the top 5 stupidest people he had ever encountered. So stupid, he even told his friends outside work about her. He thought this was some foolish concept somebody told her and she gullibly believed it. Or, she went to the store to buy some chicken and they were out of it, so this was the conclusion she came to.
She knew he was laughing, but she was fine with that. She finished telling her story smiling. In fact, she was happy she was able to make him laugh. She told him how she came to this conclusion and how so many chickens were being killed.
Tristen remained smiling, but he was no longer ready to explode. He listened attentively to her theory and was even able to make eye contact. Actually, he bought into it. His smile was not him making fun of her, but rather him agreeing with her.
“What?” she playfully said of him laughing at her.
“I don’t know,” he told her shaking his head.
“I mean when was the last time you’ve ever seen a chicken?”
“I’ve never seen a chicken in real life,” he answered.
“See, it’s because they are extinct.”
“They really might be,” he concluded.
She remembered her food in the microwave and arose to get it. Tristen went back to working. She returned to her seat and went about her lunch. It was quiet except for his music playing.
59. Brian Eno
Another Day on Earth
“Potatoes are extinct too,” he told her as she was eating.
“What?” she said.
“Think about it,” he told her, “There are more potatoes eaten than chicken. There are French fries. Mashed potatoes. Potatoes au gratin.”
“Potato pancakes,” she added.
“Right. But have you ever actually seen a potato growing in like a field or a real life potato plant? Has your neighbor ever given you a ripe potato out of the garden?”
“No,” she said smiling knowing she had gotten through to somebody about this and it just so happened to be her dream lover.
“And supposedly, they only grow in Idaho too. Have you ever gone to the store and seen a bag of Ohio potatoes? Or Wyoming potatoes?”
“Or New Zealand potatoes,” Tonya added.
“Correct,” Tristen agreed. “Idaho can’t possibly be that big. If you took all the potatoes that are consumed in just one day in America, it would bury Idaho.”
“Yeah, but they sell potatoes at the store,” she questioned.
“They sell chicken at the store,” he retorted. “They could be made of anything.”
58. The Magic Numbers
"Mornings Eleven" 5:29
The Magic Numbers
Just then, the entire group entered the lunchroom and gathered around the table.
“What are you talking about?” Rick asked.
“Chickens and potatoes are both extinct,” Tonya answered.
Everybody laughed out loud at that incredibly outrageous comment.
“Who the hell said that?” Rick inquired, “Tristen?”
“I said the potatoes were, but Tonya told me chickens were.”
“Hate to break it to you,” he said, “but I’m eating chicken right now in this soup. So there goes that theory.”
“I hate to break it to you,” Tonya responded, “but it’s not chicken.”
“Then what is it?” Rick was incredibly curious what this answer was going to spark.
“It’s Chinese babies,” Tonya responded.
Everybody groaned in disgust. Tristen laughed for he thought the idea was genius.
“It’s true,” Tristen agreed, “haven’t you ever heard that the Chinese government confiscates people’s babies if they have too many.”
“That’s gross,” said Bob, an older guy who eats with them.
“Well,” Rick stated, “I tell you what, Chinese baby taste pretty good.”
57. Super Furry Animals
"Back On A Roll" 3:46
“Then what the hell are potatoes?” asked Morgan, another person from Rick and Tristen’s department.
“That’s the ultimate mystery,” Tristen replied. “They could be anything. I doubt it would be too incredibly difficult to artificially manufacture a round dirty brown thing that’s white in the middle. They could be manufactured from insects. Or, the filthy brains of Chinese babies. Or, perhaps they could be part of the conspiracy involving Satan’s plot to destroy the world in the year 2018. The potatoes come from the pope, who is also a disciple of Satan.” Tonya erupted with laughter and Tristen smiled back at her. Everybody else was completely dumbfounded by the statement.
“They grow potatoes in Idaho,” declared Bob.
“Very good point Bob, and I’m glad you brought that up.” Tristen was completely calm and was explaining his theory as if it were a contemplative mystery. “However,” he continued, “that’s the only place credited for growing potatoes. Let me ask you this, do you have potatoes growing in your yard?”
“No,” he answered as if it didn’t mean anything.
“Have you ever seen a potato actually growing?” Tonya asked him.
“No,” he answered again.
“Then how can you be certain they exist?” Tristen inquired.
“Idaho is not big enough to grow all the potatoes consumed in America. McDonald’s alone goes through the whole supply with their French Fries,” Tonya added.
“They grow potatoes in other places besides Idaho,” Rick declared.
“Yeah?” Tristen acted surprised, “where?”
“I don’t know, but they grow them somewhere.”
“They might not even grow them in Idaho,” Tristen insisted, “who here’s ever even been to Idaho?”
“Yeah,” Tonya agreed, “there’s Boise and that’s a city. You can’t grow potatoes in a city.”
“Furthermore,” Tristen concluded, “Idaho is the site of a current nuclear holocaust, so potatoes can’t possibly be grown in Idaho. Although it is possible the nuclear catastrophe never happened and perhaps Idaho itself doesn’t even exist. It’s a fairy tale, like this mystical place where potatoes are grown. You know, like the land of chocolate rivers?”
56. The Mountain Goats
"Up The Wolves" 3:27
The Sunset Tree
“All right, potatoes…” argued Bob, “who the hell knows? But saying chickens are extinct is crazy. They have chickens on farms.”
“Let me ask you this Bob,” Tristen inquired, “when was the last time you saw a chicken.”
“1996,” Bob answered.
“They have chickens at the zoo you dumb fucker!” Josh shouted.
Josh wasn’t mad at Tristen or anything, but in 2005 this was how young people spoke to one another when they were joking around. Tristen and Josh were good enough friends to where they could playfully argue in this manner. Both sounded serious though.
“They don’t have chickens at the zoo you dumbass!” Tristen retorted. “They only have exotic animals at zoos. If you saw one at the zoo, whenever the hell that was, that means they are at least endangered.”
Tonya had made that exact same statement to her family. Now, her fantasy boy had just said the exact same thing. It was true love. As she watched him argue a point she brought up (not one other person in the room even remotely believed that chickens or potatoes were extinct), she wished she were permitted to have feelings for the one person she truly loved.
“Fuck,” Tristen concluded to Josh, “you don’t know shit about zoos anyway because anytime you go you’re too busy trying to bust your mama out of the hippo exhibit”
55. Andrew Bird
The Mysterious Production of Eggs
In all fairness, not all right-wing conservatives were as bad as Doug Barnes. There were several smart Republicans out there. Although most college graduates voted for someone other than Bush, there were college graduates out there who did vote for George W. Bush-many of them went to college for something that involved making large amounts of money in something relating to business or finance. They also found new and improved ways of preventing the government from acquiring excessive amounts of tax incomes, a trait considered most admirable by left-wing radicals and libertarians; further proof the discrepancy of an alleged divided nation was not as far as people may have once believed.
After the 2004 election, many people complained about how stupid Americans must be to vote for Bush. Smart Republicans actually had to defend themselves and justify why they voted for Bush in order to prevent looking incredibly stupid.
"Shadows Of Salford" 2:45
The cry of stupidity was heard during the half time of the Orange Bowl in January. The Orange Bowl was the championship game for college football that year and was played between two undefeated teams (USC vs. Oklahoma). Also, it had become fashionable to feature a music performance during halftime of major sporting events. Slated to perform at this half-time show was Kelly Clarkson, Trace Adkins, and Ashlee Simpson. Clarkson had been a contestant of the horrendous reality TV show American Idol, Adkins was a mainstream country musician, and Simpson was brainless goody-two-shoes trying to pose as a punk rocker. All three were mainstream artists with zero musical integrity. These artists were not credible musicians and represented the horrendous state of American mainstream. This was what corporate media was trying to force feed the population. Also, it was what free-thinking liberated Americans despised and termed “brainless mainstream trite.”
The performance wasn’t even two months after the election and many Americans were still bitter about how brainless society had become. They were sick and tired of seeing untalented, unsophisticated, unintelligent, meaningless tripe dominating the headlines. As a result, the audience booed the mainstream performers once they were finished playing.
That proved America was due for a change even though the election showed otherwise.
"I'm Not Ready for It, Jo" 4:53
To Die Alone
“Just because I voted for Bush doesn’t make me an ignorant, unsophisticated moron.”
Many of these right-wingers had several liberal/libertarian beliefs. They believed censorship was a bad thing. They were often pro-porn, pro-legalization of marijuana, and supported equal rights for gays and everybody else. They realized many of the beliefs of their fellow right-wingers were indeed illogical and preached for them to change.
They began realizing other idiotic things Bush was proposing, such as not allowing medications to enter from Canada or seeing fundamentalists interfering in private affairs such as the Terry Shiavo incident. (Terry Shiavo was a woman who had been in a coma for a long period of time and the doctors declared it was highly unlikely she would ever come out or her mind would never be fully functioning. Her husband was going to take her off life support while her mother fought to keep her on it. The whole thing blew up into a media spectacle and turned political. 95% of the US was against politicians and the media being so involved with such a personal matter).
So why vote for Bush? Well, a majority of the voters did vote to re-elect him because they were stupid, ignorant, and believed all the propaganda and thought that gays and any other person not practicing “family values” needed to be either imprisoned or discriminated against. Many voted for him strictly because they felt he would outlaw abortion. Smart Bush voters believed that Bush represented lower taxes or they believed the US needed to be at war against Iraq. As for the tax thing goes, nobody wanted to pay higher taxes and that whole debacle merely created unneeded tension in society. Republicans believed that Liberals and left-wingers supported higher taxes to give all the money to welfare recipients. Liberals and such do feel the government should have to at least do some work and do something to benefit society. But the problem is; where is the money going to come from? Voters from both sides will agree schools should get a major portion of the tax money and politicians are overpaid.
However, many liberals supported welfare, which was useful to a few, but abused by many and looked upon by conservatives as hand-outs for lazy bums who don’t wish to work. On the flip side, many conservatives supported increased laws which required an abundance of spending on police forces, prisons, high-priced government agencies such as the DEA and the FCC. Conservatives felt Liberals supported criminals because they were against this and showed disconcert for family values and were not setting a good example for their kids.
As for the war, the biggest problem with this was that nobody was 100% positive why the US was even in Iraq. Reasons ranged from anything to “we need to bomb all those towel headed bastards” to “we are there stealing their oil and establishing military dominance as outlined in the PNAC doctrine.”
But, even some smart Republicans felt the US was there to liberate the Iraqis or to stop terrorism. They felt the Iraqis wanted the US there. They actually supported a just cause, but were simply unaware that these justifications were not the actual intentions of the Bush Administration. However, many left-wingers viewed both of those as illegitimate viewpoints and considered those who believed them to be misinformed or ignorant. Also noteworthy, many Republicans were also against the war.
52. The Fall
"Clasp Hands" 7:24
Fall Heads Roll
In all fairness, these beliefs existed because this was the information the government was leading the public to believe. In order for a person to find out otherwise, they had to research the subject quite extensively. So, it’s not that all Bush supporters were incredibly stupid, many were incredibly smart in several areas, they simply lacked the time or desire to study politics as extensively as Bush haters. Also, some smart Republicans realized the situation was a mess and felt since Bush created the mess he needs to find his own way out of it. Many left-wingers agreed with this, but felt he could never find his way out.
It’s hard to say how much was really true involving the whole war. Iraq’s leader, Saddam Hussein, was in fact a shady character. Although very few people know the real reason why, and it’s long since been so eradicated the actual truth probably no longer exists, he did in fact invade Kuwait in 1991. There were also reports that he used toxic gas on his own people and ruled the nation with an "iron fist."
There had been several terrorist incidents, not just the major one on September 11, 2001. Airplanes were hi-jacked frequently and all persons onboard the flight were killed and the plane crashed. Several people believed they did this in praise of their God, referred to as Allah. And, not only Iraq, but a good portion of The Middle East, did have more strict laws than the rest of the world and women were often treated unfairly.
The flip side, the United States was being a bit suspicious themselves. They had been bombing regions of The Middle East for years and many claimed the terrorist attacks were in fact a retaliation of the US attacks. Upon taking over Iraq, reports were issued that the first thing to be secured was Iraq’s oil wells and the nation was left in chaos while the US did nothing. Gas prices suddenly escalated to record rates. Worst of all, thousands upon thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians had been injured or killed and there were reports of the US using torture devices to Iraqi war prisoners. Furthermore, the US constantly uttered the phrase “God Bless America” and by the same principals implied to Muslims, these people could be considered “Christian Extremists”.
Another major issue was the fact that the Bush administration made claims that Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction and plotting to destroy America. Also, they claimed Iraq was harboring terrorists. However, there was no link whatsoever with the 9/11 terrorist attacks to Iraq and the supposed weapons of mass destruction were never found.
The biggest issue concerned the September 11th attacks themselves. The stories related by the government and the media either contradicted the physical evidence or made little sense. Furthermore, several pieces remained missing and the entire story was never fully conveyed. For instance, there appears to be no physical proof whatsoever of an “airplane” striking The Pentagon- the hole doesn’t fit the size of an airplane, the route in which the plane reportedly struck is completely impossible, and there is no damage from the plane’s wings which seemed to have magically disappeared. It completely contradicted the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center, and people contended those were NOT commercial planes and perhaps the buildings were even detonated. Many also believe United 93 was shot down. It appeared the attacks were orchestrated by the Bush Administration to gain support to wager war against the entire Middle East- a feat that would benefit numerous organizations including oil corporations, imperialists, the US military, and Halliburton (a corporation in which then-Vice-President Dick Cheney had financial connections with).
The death toll in Iraq was rising daily. It became evident many Iraqis did not want the US occupying their country. Some Americans were actually clueless as to why Iraq would not want America “helping” them. They were completely oblivious that Iraq didn’t want to be Christians, or listen to Ashlee Simpson and Trace Adkins, or be a capitalistic society in which they could now be charged two weeks pay by a greedy company to improperly repair something they thought needed fixed, or have the government extort a good portion of their income in order for crooked politicians to have more elegant office furniture.
Furthermore, US troops were deployed far longer than anybody expected. And to top it all off, Osama Bin Ladin, the #1 media/government suspect behind the 9/11 terrorist attack, the event that sparked this whole war, had not been apprehended and the US was not even looking for him. Suspects #2, American Vice-President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and cabin advisor/Bush’s brain Karl Rove, were never even questioned.
Needless to say, this event tore Americans apart. Left-wingers knew of all the wrongs America had done and viewed right-wingers as ignorant and claimed the US was wrongly taking innocent lives to support Capitalism and fatten up their greedy pockets. Right-wingers did not see or believe any of the wrongs the US was committing and felt left-wingers were being far too lenient and even supportive of terrorists- perhaps even terrorists themselves. What it boiled down to was… half the US was regarded as pussies; the other half was ignorant fucking retards.
It also should be known there had been a couple of paradigm shifts in politics. Ideally, Democrats were to represent the liberal/left-wingers and Republicans were to represent the conservative/right-wingers. It began with the election of Democrat Bill Clinton. To say the least, Billy did a few things that caused him to lose some supporters.
First of all, he had Al Gore as his vice-president. Al’s wife, Tipper, was head of the right-wing pro-censorship group the PMRC who fought to censor rock and rap music. Secondly, he too dropped bombs on foreign nations, including Iraq, and another in Sudan that turned out to be an aspirin factory. Third, he attacked the tobacco industry, raised cigarette prices, and put out anti-smoking ads that were extremely lame and violated people’s personal rights. Worst of all, when he was caught getting a blow-job from an intern in the oval office, rather than stand up for left-wing beliefs and declare receiving blow jobs from interns was a pleasurable experience all Americans should enjoy on a daily basis, he lied and backed down to the Republicans and their faux family values bullshit.
As a result, many left-wingers turned Republican and eventually the right gradually became more liberal.
51. The Dandy Warhols
Odditorium or Warlords of Mars
Then arrived Bush, who was easily the worst and most fascist President in US history. Not only was it extremely difficult to defend Bush’s administration and their ridiculous policies and sound remotely intelligent in the process, he began to turn off fellow Republicans as well. People already dedicated to the left, hated him. But, church groups and other organizations normally dedicated to the right got turned off by him because he stood for greed and capitalistic corporate profits and was willing to destroy lives in order to accomplish this. Plus, the pope referred to Bush as the anti-Christ. He didn’t even practice what Republicans generally stood for, it was more like belligerent corporationism.
As a result, in 2005, there were right-wing pornographers and all-gay churches. A lot of people were confused as to where they really stood. Out of 10 issues, the average person would choose sides on both left-wing and right-wing ideology.
But for the most part, most Americans didn’t pay any attention to this and just voted for whomever they heard most about on TV, not even knowing why or what the politician actually stood for. Sometimes they voted for one candidate just because they didn’t like the other candidate. Unfortunately, those with the most brilliant of minds went on to become artists, or musicians, or film makers. Only the best liars went on to be politicians. Sadly, those who truly cared or were capable of changing the mess that had been created by 50+ years of horrendous Presidents ran as independents and were not given the opportunity to even participate in the debates, much less be on every state’s ballot or seriously becoming a factor. But, it was apparent this country needed to turn to a leader other than the Democrats and Republicans who had run the country into the ground.
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