The Top 75 Songs of 1973

The Best Music of 1973 + Dusk to Dawn Grindhouse Anthology by Tony J. Neal
Feature 1: 30 Days in a Ho'
Feature 2: Hate Boat
Feature 3: Together Forever
Feature 4: Space Hookers & The Texarkana Cowboys
Feature 5: Symporium (A Midget Exploitation Film)
Feature 6: Sugar Daddy of Death

Feature 4: Space Hookers & The Texarkana Cowboys

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

75. Gene Clark
"In A Misty Morning"  5:00
Tipton, MO (1944)-Sherman Oaks, CA (1991)

It appeared all was lost in the midst of the smoldering ruins of what had remained. The invading race from planet Quekiltar proved victorious in a major blood drenched battle... Commander Michelle Hotsnatch had been captured and detained. The race of ugly uniformed, nasty faced Quekiltarians held Commander Hotsnatch captive with her wrists tied up in a cell; she had fought so bravely that her shirt was ripped open.

However, the native women from Planet Lasciviousness assailed a surprise attack, as their flying saucers soared across the sky, firing a series of laser beams, destroying the Quekiltarians, and rescuing Commander Hotsnatch…a celebration ensured. Planet Lasciviousness, which was populated entirely with hot beautiful bombshell babes with glowing eyeballs, was once again free from the tyrannical oppression of Quekiltar.

Unfortunately, the Quekiltarians were such assholes; they invaded again, destroying much of the planet. Luckily, a large portion of the population was able to safely evacuate in a series of cheap looking flying saucers they had developed, and were en route to establish a home on a new planet.

74. Waylon Jennings
"Ride Me Down Easy"  2:39
Honky Tonk Heroes
Littlefield, TX (1937)-Chandler, AZ (2002)

Honkey’s Saloon, just outside Texarkana: It was an old west style saloon, and people in this small town rode horses down dirt roads. However, while they were dressed in cowboy style, it was those elegant 70’s fashionable styles not to be confused with traditional John Wayne apparel. All of the men in the community, all 70’s style cowboys, hung out at the old west saloon, drinking whiskey, wearing holsters, and smoking Salem Light 100 cigarettes. Even though there were rifles perched upon the walls behind the bar, people started shit with other mother fucking honkeys every God damn night-- barkeep Lester Ellison had shot 26 mother fuckers clean in the fucking head-- today.

Cowboy Hardcock was seated at the back table playing poker with a large group gathered around the smoke filled table. Hardcock showed his hand, a pair of 10’s—king high… his opponent, Jesse Came, showed his, a pair of 10’s—queen high. Jesse Came lost the last of his earnings and officially had nothing.

73. Donny Hathaway
"I Love You More Than You Ever"  5:23
Extension Of A Man
Chicago, IL (1945)-New York, NY (1979)

Once again, his wife had spent all of his money. Jesse Came only entered the poker game with intentions to capitalize on what little cash he had remaining. When he returned home, his wife, Carla Came, was in the bedroom with another man; the other man was completely naked wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and boots and was removing anal beads from her ass.

Jesse reached for his pistol, he had caught them, but they did not see Jesse standing by the door. He opted against it though; the naked man was the Sheriff. Instead of gunning the both of them down in cold blood, he was finally disgusted with this stupid bitch, gathered some belongings and readied to walk out forever.

Before leaving, he opened the bedroom door, “you’re a stupid bitch Carla,” he said calmly, coolly, like a cowboy, “and Sheriff, it’d serve me right to stick them there anal beads up YOUR ass... and just a leave ‘em in there.”

They stared back at him. Finally, he drew his pistol, fired one shot, and shot the anal beads from the Sheriff’s hands, sending them flying into the lamp. Sheriff and Carla stared dumbfounded with their mouths gaped open as Jesse Came spun his pistol around his finger and walked out.

72. Franco Battiato
"Aries"  5:26
Sulle Corde di Aries
Riposto, Sicilia, Italy

A platoon of shitty ass generic looking cheaply built flying saucers soared across the sky and you could hardly see the string. Suddenly one of the ships towards the rear began to malfunction and was swerving in mid-air. As the mechanical issues escalated to the extreme that the check engine light came on, the ship began losing speed and strayed behind the rest of the fleet.

The pilot of the ship radioed the other squad with a distress signal and the flying saucer spun out of control and off the path of discourse (and en route to intercourse.)

Jessica Lustworthy could not steer the ship because of the engine malfunction, and the flying saucer dropped from the sky and crash landed in a desolate region near Texarkana. Luckily, all of the hot female passengers dressed in sexy silver space suits that revealed cleavage and ass cheeks were unharmed. They emerged from the vessel, examined the damages, and armed with laser guns, set out to explore this strange planet for options to fix the ship.

71. Queen
"Keep Yourself Alive"  3:47
London, England

The group of hot alien babes entered Honkey’s saloon by means of kicking open the doors and strutting inside with their laser guns drawn. All of the patrons stopped everything and stared at these beautiful women from outer space. After a brief moment of awkwardness, the leader, Tighten Drippenwhet, spoke in bizarre “poorly reading a script” dialect:

“Our ship has crashed and it needs to be fixed. You will lead us to the auto parts store and fix our aircraft.”

One cowboy seated next to them reached out his hand and grasped hold of her firm ass, “And how do you intend to pay us for fixing this aircraft, ma’am.”

She fired a laser beam into the wall behind the bar and it caused an explosion; everybody ducked. The entire group was ordered to walk with the sexy babes from Planet Lasciviousness to examine the ship and assess the damages. Carl, the town’s mayor and lead mechanic, was underneath the ship; also had the hood rose of the flying saucer. He told them that it needed a series of parts and that he could fix it.

70. Pink Fairies
"Raceway"  4:08
Kings Of Oblivion
London, England

After he made his conclusion, and with all of the other cowboys watching, the babes ripped open Carl’s shirt and threw him down to the ground. They stripped off his cowboy boots, yanked down his pants, and one of the aliens pounced on top of him and started sucking his cock. There were six women in the group, and they all ripped off their own clothes and took turns ravaging Carl the mechanic, raping him, fucking him, sucking his cock, and plowing their luscious body parts into his face.

Once the gang rape of Carl was completed, they picked up their laser guns, aimed them at the rest of the group, and ordered them to fetch the parts Carl claimed they needed. The cowboys were stunned at first, but then grew excited to be the ones to assist with the repairs. In one split second, with the sound of gunshot firing out of a barrel, the entire group was gone, and had dashed away in all different directions.

69. Sui Generis
"Aprendizaje"  3:45
Confesiones de Invierno
Buenos Aires, Argentina

Martin rode up on his horse with a gasket. He hopped off his horse, tied it to a hitch, and handed the gasket to Carl the mechanic. While Carl was installing the gasket, one of the aliens started rubbing Martin’s crotch and unbuttoning his shirt. He squeezed Jessica Lusciousexxx’s titty in his hand, unzipped her space suit, and sucked on her voluptuous titties that burst from her blouse.

Monica Mayhem dropped to her knees, pulled out Martin’s cock and sucked it lavishly. Martin was then dropped to his knees where both Jessica & Monica pulled down their bottoms and mashed both pussies in his face.

He gladly took turns licking one and then the other while they moaned in pleasure. Tighten Drippenwhet straddled on top of him, and he fucked her while he ate out the other two.

68. B.W. Stevenson
"My Maria"  2:25
My Maria
Dallas, TX (1949-1988)

Edgar arrived on his horse with a coil and magneto. After this part was handed to Carl, Edgar was grabbed by the hair and pushed down to the ground on his hands and knees. Pauline Pussystench lay out in front of him and removed her pants. Masturbatin’ Maria Martian still had a clutch of Edgar’s hair and he forced his face into Pauline’s pussy and made him lick it, pleasuring her.

Still on his hands and knees, Maria unfastened Edgar’s pants and pulled them down.. his ass in the air. She took off her clothes, strapped on a dildo, and fucked Edgar’s ass while he munched on Pauline’s carpet.

Monica Mayhem entered the picture, rolled Edgar over and straddled on top of him, riding his cock, while he was sitting on top of Masturbatin’ Maria Martian who had that dildo firmly entrenched in his hairy ass, and Pauline stood over him making him mow down on that hairy space muff of hers. She pissed on his hairy chest.

67. Sérgio Sampaio
"Eu Quero é Botar meu Bloco na Rua"  4:41
Eu Quero é Botar meu Bloco na Rua
Cachoeiro de Itapemirim, Brazil (1947)-Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (1994)

Larry arrived with a battery. He was led behind the spaceship where Pauline unzipped her blouse and placed Larry’s cock in-between her titties. She lay on the ground and Larry titty fucked her while he still wore a cowboy hat.

Tighten Drippenwhet came over, took off her clothes, and buried her pussy in Pauline’s face. She was lying directly on top of Pauline’s head, where Larry could see her ass up and her tight pussy spread in front of him. As he cock thrust in-between Pauline’s titties, he entered in and out of Tighten Drippenwhet’s pussy, lubricating both his cock and Pauline’s titties.

Monica Mayhem stood behind him and peed on him while he was fucking the other two. He enjoyed the warming sensation of the golden shower, rubbed the urine all over body, and arched his head back so the stream of yellow alien piss would flow on his face-- drenching his massive side burns and thick cowboy mustache.

66. John Cale
"Antartica Starts Here"  2:47
Paris 1919
Garnant, England

Jeremiah arrived with a set of hubcaps.

While Carl was installing the hubcaps, which we all know is essential for a flying saucer to operate effectively, the six babes lined up side-by-side with their pants pulled down, on their knees in doggy style position. He looked at all them, touched their pussies, licked each one of them in both the pussy and ass, tugging their hair, and aligning them perfectly. Jeremiah whipped out his cock and proceeded to fuck all six of them in both the ass and in the pussy. While he fucked one, he fingered two of the others, and switched back and forth every few seconds. He stood up and came all over all six of them.

During all of this, a couple of cowboys were watching, stroking themselves, and simultaneously reached a self-inflicted orgasm in Jeremiah’s cowboy hat.

65. The O'Jays
"You Got Your Hooks In Me"  5:33
Ship Ahoy
Canton, OH

They were supposedly out of the fifth part they needed and it wouldn't be in until tomorrow. However, a group of cowboys arrived with a bag of goodies and escorted the lovely ladies back to Honkey’s Saloon.

Once they returned to the bar, the lovely space aliens were treated to fine wines and chocolates. Some of the cowboys painted the ladies' toenails, filed their fingernails, gave them massages, and other sorts of luxuries normally provided at a salon rather than saloon (the sight of cowboys performing manicures was a bit unusual).

Wilbur gave Pauline Pussystench a facial... and when he peeled off the mask, he whipped out his cock and gave her another facial.

Many of the cowboys wore aprons as they offered the ladies delicious sweet desserts they had prepared for them. They pampered these women in the fashion that aliens reportedly love best (research was conducted based on an extensive study of Jane Jetson).

64. War
"Deliver The Word"  7:51
Deliver The Word
Los Angeles, CA

Although the women thoroughly enjoyed the night of pampering and all the wonderful gifts they received from their cowboy friends, they were ready to leave Earth and reunite with them hoes from their own planet. They had radioed their commander, Michelle Hotsnatch, and reported the situation.

Hotsnatch sent backup from Tina the Terrestrial Temptress to ensure all would be well. Pedro arrived with the final auto part, a radiator, and was given special treatment. All six of the aliens stripped completely nude, and took turns rubbing their bodies against his. At all times, Pedro’s body was totally covered with luscious sexy alien babes, different portions each second.

During the special treatment in which Pedro was receiving, all the rest of the cowboys stood around them in a circle, with their cocks out, jacking off-- pondering how great it would be to straddle up against Pedro's 4.5 inch Tex Mex shaft the way Tina was able to do.

63. Todd Rundgren
"Zen Archer"  5:35
A Wizard, A True Star
Upper Darby, PA/Princeville, HI

The sheriff rode by on his horse and witnessed the spectacle taking place. He and the deputy snuck up behind the group, snatched the laser guns, and demanded explanations.

All of the cowboys hurriedly stashed their cocks back into their pants, even though Reggie came in his pants. The hot aliens were not aware of the laws, as Pedro stood up trying to cover his naked body. Cowboys attempted to explain the situation without getting anybody in trouble while women got dressed.

Unafraid of this stupid ass sheriff, the women said smart alleck things, and demanded their weapons be returned. A scuffle broke out, but the deputy fired one of the laser weapons, and the ladies surrendered.

They were taken away to jail.

62. The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
"Isobel Goudie"  7:32
Glasgow, Scotland (Alex Harvey: 1935-1982)

Once it was revealed that the space aliens were fucking cowboys in exchange for auto parts, they were charged with prostitution. Furthermore, being as the sheriff was a total prick; he created numerous other charges, and insisted that they were now stuck on the planet Earth forever.

Sheriff Shitlicking Turd telephoned some other unknown business mother fuckers and informed them that he had detained aliens from outer space... "People pay good money to see this shit!"

Also, he was planning to be their pimp and charge people small fortunes to have sex with any of the space hookers.

"A fucking space hooker whorehouse is what we fucking gonna have right here."

In order to try out his new prize, the sheriff handcuffed the women to the bars of the cell while stating stupid cliché lines such as: “looks like you and me might spending some time together.”

He walked the perimeter of the holding cell fondling their asses, groping their titties, and pulling their breasts out of their shirts.

He pulled down Monica Mayhem’s shorts and examined her pussy and rubbed on her bush:

“that there sure is a purty little alien pussy ya got there.”  

The sheriff withdrew his cock and began stroking it while he eagerly kissed the alien’s titties. She was resistant, but he forced her legs apart and prepared to rape her in the cell. However, just before the raping, the sheriff was shot from behind with a laser and disintegrated.

Unfortunately, the one who saved them happened to be a Quekiltarian. He held them hostage and demanded that they inform him where the others have escaped. There was a small army of Quekiltarians, 6 at first, but several others kept randomly showing up in various places; they were ordered to keep the women alive and make them tell where the others were hiding.

(A clip depicting balloons and confetti flying in the air. A shiny banner across that read: “Congratulations! The One Billionth Use of This Line).

61. Walter Wegmüller
"Der Magier"  4:39
Bern, Switzerland

What the Quekiltarians did not realize was that the other babes from Planet Lasciviousness were not hiding and had turned their ships around to rescue the abandoned ship from Earth. The squad of flying saucers, piloted by gorgeous women (and the strings attached to the ships on the screen) soared over the sky in the Earth’s atmosphere.

Several citizens were present to witness the event. It caused massive chaos and completely disrupted the Easter Day parade that was taking place in the streets of Texarkana.

They had their coordinates plotted and landed near the abandoned ship in Texarkana. After they landed, they were met by a group of cowboys who waved flags in peace. They informed the beautiful women what had happened, and that the others were being detained in the county jail for prostitution.

60. Funkadelic
"Can't Stand the Strain"  3:30
Cosmic Slop
Detroit, MI

The cheap generic looking flying saucer hovered over the ground in the old west town near Texarkana making those cheesy spaceship bleeps and noises. Townsfolk and citizens, dressed oddly in old west meets 70’s porn clothing attire (one dressed as the Easter Bunny), had gathered on the dirt streets to witness the spacecraft hovering through the town.

Once the UFO reached a building illuminating the words “County Jail” on a neon sign as if it were a pancake restaurant, the flying saucer stopped and hovered still over the building. Sounding a dazzling futuristic laser sound (futuristic meaning cheesy black and white low budget film from the 50’s), a laser beamed fired from the aircraft and exploded the County Jail.

59. Silverhead
"Bright Light"  4:53
16 And Savaged
London, England

The walls were disintegrated, but the jail’s interior was completely intact, although now exposed openly to the public. A band of cowboys on horses ambushed the jail firing Western style pistols at the Quekiltarians, who retaliated with shots from more advanced lasers.

During the shootout, Jesse Came opened the cell door and released the imprisoned girls and returned their weapons. The Quekiltarians darted away, and the cowboy posse and the freed ladies raced after them.

Also, the spaceship remained hovering in the sky, shooting lasers at the fleeing Quekiltarians (there were now hundreds of them and they ran chaotically through the Easter Day parade-- nearly trampling the Easter Bunny).

58. Icecross
"Nightmare"  4:50

A shootout raged through the bustling city of Texarkana with aliens shooting laser beams and cowboys shooting rifles.

(This was one of those shootouts where the cowboys made amazing shots certainly to be on all of the late night Highlight Reels, and the beautiful aliens from Planet Lasciviousness could run across the street under fire from a massive amount of laser beams and never be harmed.)

One woman had numerous shots fly past her; she fired once and dropped several enemies. The group of menaces from Quekiltar was trapped down a back alley, but was calling for help on a communications device that could have been purchased from Radio Shack back in 1946. More Quekiltarians were coming to Earth—any minute now.

57. Nino Ferrer
"Moby-Dick"  3:08
Nino Ferrer and Leggs
Genova, Italy (1934)-Montcuq, France (1998)

The fleet of Quekiltarians arrived to Texarkana. Unlike the posse of hot babes from the Planet Lasciviousness, the Quekiltarians were met with hostility.

As they landed, the cowboys had ducked behind various rocks and crevices awaiting them to emerge from the ship.

The latch opened... The pack exited the ship and the cowboys opened fire upon them. A massive shootout ensued, even though the Quekiltarians signaled they had come in peace.

They ordered the cowboys to halt:

"hold your fire! Hold your fire! Stop shooting! Please stop shooting! Stop! God damn it! Now look what ya done did, some mother fucker done went and shot the God damn Easter Bunny. Stop shooting at us-- we are your friends. Those hoes are your enemies."

They claimed they were the good people and the ladies from Planet Lasciviousness were the evil ones. It was to no avail as the cowboys continued firing at them; primarily because they were so fucking ugly that they resembled diseased turtles covered in shit and the women looked fantastic.

The Quekiltarians fired back, and another shootout took place in the dirt streets near Texarkana. Massive explosions, lasers, bullets, Quekiltarians dropping dead in the street, and hot luscious space hookers demolishing everything in sight with lasers from their flying saucers; they destroyed the vessels in which the Quekiltarians had arrived.

56. Perry Leopold
"Vespers"  5:34
Christian Lucifer
Philadelphia, PA

Jesse Came was nearly shot but Jessica Lusciousexxx saved his life. She fought in the same courageous fashion as Sylvester Stallone or Chuck Norris in all of their action movies... gunning down Quekiltarians while Jesse Came clutched to her leg all beaten and tattered.

The two retreated down an alley and ducked on top of each other in a cellar. Jesse Came stared into her glowing eyeballs and declared that he was in love with her, and that his love was forever. They kissed; Jesse Came rolled on top of her and fucked her. However, their sex was interrupted with gun shots.

55. David Bowie
"Watch That Man"  4:30
Aladdin Sane
London, England

Jessica’s pussy felt so good wrapped around Jesse’s cock that it transformed him into a new man. When the shootout erupted, Jesse Came burst from the cellar door with two pistols and shot down an army of Quekiltarians one by one. He even drew his rifle and blew their heads completely off into the streets... in some instances, exploding their heads. There was blood everywhere. Sometimes he would engage in hand to hand combat and flip his assailant with a variety of spin moves and karate chops.

While he was unleashing havoc on the Quekiltarian army, a band of musicians played in the streets, with the female citizens of this old west style block of Texarkana singing back-up vocals.

Jesse Came had a vast array of weapons in which he employed—bows and arrows, Chinese stars, dodge balls—for his finale, Jesse Came created a mystical ball of fire with his bare fist and fired it at a Quekiltarian causing a massive explosion that sent the sole victim soaring through the air covered in lava as if he had been erupted out of a volcano.

54. Alice Cooper
"Sick Things"  4:18 + "Mary Ann"  2:21
Billion Dollar Babies
Detroit, MI

(A.) The cowboys and babes had the Quekiltarians all but defeated. The Quekiltarians had taken shelter inside a hotel and were shooting lasers out the window. However, they claimed that they would never surrender.

The sexy women demanded they surrender and that their commander come out and surrender himself. After they refused, the babes had a group of Quekiltarians hostage and executed them one by one while ordering the commander to come out and end this war once and for all.

(B.) Commander Michelle Hotsnatch told the posse in the hotel that she wanted to meet their commander in the streets at high noon for a showdown in the streets. She stood in the middle of the silent street and shouted orders towards the hotel.

The Quekiltarians held hostage were scared shitless and offered the cowboys the exact same sexual favors in return for their assistance. Some of them maintained their composure for they were absolutely certain that Captain Raoulalougo would arrive and kick the living shit out of Michelle Hotsnatch and all of these pussy ass faggoty cowboys.

If the Quekiltarian leader did not show up, the entire group would be massacred. However, if Captain Raoulalougo arrived and defeated Michelle Hotsnatch in a duel, they would be freed and the luscious women from Planet Lasciviousness would be forced to surrender once and for all.

On the other hand, if Michelle Hotsnatch defeated their grotesque commander in the duel, the babes were free and The Quekiltarians would have to leave them alone…forever.

53. Barry DeVorzon & Perry Botkin, Jr.
"Nadia's Theme"  3:26
The Young and the Restless
BD: New York, NY/PB: Los Angeles, CA

Captain Raoulalougo walked down one side of the street; Commander Michelle Hotsnatch approached from the opposite direction. The sun was burning high in the sky and the dirt road emitted dust with each footstep.

A crowd of spectators had gathered around to watch... all was silent except for the howling of a random coyote who had booked a room at the Texarkana Econolodge.

Michelle Hotsnatch walked slowly, her shiny silver boot covering her sexy legs blowing dust into the wind. She walked with a cowboy strut, laser gun in a borrowed holster.

Raoulalougo, wearing his shit brown ugly boots covering his ugly uniform reached his destination first, as he stood in the center of road, arms outstretched prepared to draw his laser gun from his holster. He was now wearing a cowboy hat and a trench coat.

The intensity reached dangerous levels while onlookers eagerly awaited Commander Hotsnatch to finally reach her spot.

She finally did... and the two stared at each other in the street. There was a silent count as the two stared each other in the eyes; her eyes glowing, her perky breasts barely covered in her silver zip down crop top that exposed her perfect belly. Raoulalougo stared back; he was an ugly space creature who resembled a cockroach impersonating Lee Van Cleef.

The moment arrived: Both reach for their lasers, but Commander Michelle Hotsnatch was quicker, as she fired her laser gun and struck her target. The gross looking Raoulalougo was wounded as he dropped his weapon, clutched his chest, staggered around, and then fell down dead in the streets.

The spectators bowed their heads as the dead Quekiltarian lie dead in the street as the dust blew into the sky. That coyote howled again and was seen running across the scene of the infamous shootout chasing after the Easter Bunny.

52. Cockney Rebel
"Death Trip"  9:46
The Human Menagerie
London, England

The remaining Quekiltarians were taken prisoner and marched on board the flying saucers at gunpoint.

You fools!” the Quekiltarians yelled out to the cowboys as they were taken hostage and placed on board the space cruiser. They made legitimate eye contact with the Texarkana civilians and gave them a disgusted look of disapproval.

All of the babes thanked the cowboys and they hugged each other, kissed, groped breasts, sucked titties, and a few cocks came out.

However, Jesse Came was in love with Jessica Lusciousexxx.

“Jessica, I have been in love with you for the past 17 minutes, and I’ve loved you more than I’ve loved anyone in my whole life.” 

They kissed again, and he stuck his hand down her shorts and fingered her while he sadly confessed that he was experiencing true love. She claimed it was mutual and invited all the cowboys to accompany them on the ship.

There wasn't much going on in this crappy part of Texarkana. The cowboys thought about:

 "Ya know, what would be better than traveling The Universe in a space ship full of hot babes?"

??????????????????  What????  ?????? Anything?? Particularly anything in Texas or Arkansas?  ??????

Without any further ado, the cowboys hooted, hollered and fired their rifles into the air.  They boarded the ship... Holy Mother Fucking Shit... There really is something better than Texas!

Finally, the babes from Planet Lasciviousness were free from the constraints of the Quekiltarians.

Flying through outer space, the women looked as gorgeous as ever, reclining in the huge futuristic living room while the cowboys wore French Maid outfits, massaged their feet, sucked their toes, performed oral sex, and fed them grapes, chocolates, and their cock with honey dripping off of it.

51. Far Out
"Too Many People"  18:01
Far Out

The bottom compartment of the ship was dedicated to a prison. Underneath the vessel, in dark tiny cells, the Quekiltarians were detained in a small cell, and appeared beaten and tortured. It was a gruesome sight as they crawled on the floor, bloody, screaming in pain.

Jesse Came was in the bedroom corridor fucking Jessica Lusciousexxx on a futuristic looking bed. She was lying on the bed with her ankles propped on his shoulders; he was standing up, dick firmly entrenched in her pussy, while he sucked her toes. Right about the moment Jesse Came was getting ready to cum, Jessica clinched her legs together and Jesse Came screamed in pain.

There was a TV in the living room and one of the cowboys grew silent as he heard the news announcement. The newsman was somber, almost in tears:

"Unfortunately, the heroic Quekiltarians were unable to defeat the creatures from Planet Lasciviousness, and it appears their reign of terror will not be ending anytime soon. I think the universe may be doomed, as we do not know where or when they will strike next."

Jessica Lusciousexxx had chopped off Jesse Came’s penis in her vagina. She was lying on the bed smiling, his castrated cock still in-between her thighs. He backed away slowly while looking down at his crotch in a state of shock... too horrified to even scream. There was nothing there... and then suddenly... blood sprayed a straight narrow stream where his penis was once attached.

A bizarre sequence of images: All of the other cowboys suddenly had medical emergencies with their penises. One had turned green, one fell off, and another babe chopped one off with a meat cleaver on a cutting board in the kitchen. The cowboys were dragged down to the cellar and placed in the prison with the agonizing Quekiltarians.

While in the prison, disturbing images raced through their minds as they crawled around on the floor in pain. Gigantic roaches crawling on babies, burning buildings crumbling on vacation resort beaches, airplanes crashing into school buses, macabre images of Native Americans dying of smallpox; a coyote eating the bloody carcass of the Easter Bunny.

Onward the luxurious grandiose kitchen table: The table was set; the dishes were fancy; the tablecloth was artistically beautiful and must have cost a fortune. A woman removed the lid from an elegant shiny silver serving dish; revealing a beautifully prepared presentation of cowboy penises in a blend of exotic vegetables and sauces.

The prisoners attempted to stand, but could not. Most of them were bloody in the face, had fingers missing, open wounds in their chests, lying in puddles of blood screaming. While they rolled on the floor screaming in pain, more dark images filled their heads:

Beautiful swans flying into chopping  ceiling fan blades splattering blood all over the foggy lake in the living room...

  • helicopters shooting children 
  • flying saucers demolishing the streets of Paradise 
  • churches burning while Satan heals the congregations 
  • men having intense sex with beautiful women with chickens pecking at their chests and snakes slivering up their legs.

Since Commander Michelle Hotsnatch proved victorious, they had a celebration meal in her honor. A taste test in which she was to decide which tasted better: Cowboy Penises or Quekiltarian Penises.

"Live And Let Die"  3:14
Live And Let Die Soundtrack
Liverpool, England

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