The Top 50 Songs of 2005

The Mind over Matter Experiment + The Top 200 Songs of 2005
Part 1: Family Values in America
Part 2: The Oblivious Barnes Family
Part 3: The Lunch That Changed Everything
Part 4: Chickens are Extinct
Part 5: Masturbation is a Sin!
Part 6: Cracks in the Foundation
Part 7: Dr. Shaw's Party & The Aftermath That Ensued
Part 8: Disaster Finally Strikes

Part VII: Dr. Shaw's Party & The Aftermath That Ensued

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

50. Oneida
"Heavenly Choir"  4:17
The Wedding
New York, NY

After lunch, Tonya resumed her work gleefully. She felt she and Tristen may have truly connected and perhaps they had something going. A flame that had always existed but she never saw it.

Later in the afternoon, the principal from Dakota’s school telephoned the clinic. Dakota had gotten in trouble and they requested a parent come in for a conference. But, she still had appointments upcoming and was in the middle of an important one. She knew Dr. Shaw would not approve of her leaving again, and had recently put a lot of thought in his comments regarding whose job was more important. Furthermore, she wanted to complete her work for it was important to her. To top it all off, she no desire to deal with Dakota.

“Well, I’m extremely busy at the moment,” she told the principal, “I’m right in the middle of emergency surgery. You’ll have to call his father.” She hung up the phone.

“If somebody calls for me,” she told the secretary, “tell them I’m busy and can’t come to the phone.”

“Okay,” the secretary agreed.

49. Electrelane
"Bells"  4:38
Brighton, England

Tonya later learned Doug did call and even got curt with the secretary. She was positive he’d call and knew he would be perturbed about him having to leave his work to deal with Dakota at school. But, now maybe he’d realize what she endured so often.

Later that day, Doug and Dakota surprisingly showed up at the clinic. The two barged right into the clinic and let it be known who they were. Finally, after hearing so many stories about each other, the two opposite spectrums finally collided.

Doug had heard tales of Dr. Shaw, Sue the nurse, and all the rest of these whackos and wasn’t particularly fond of any of them. As a matter of fact, he hoped to engage in some sort of confrontation with Dr. Shaw for he blamed him for not letting Tonya leave to get Dakota. He was determined to set him straight for he felt his eccentric beliefs were inappropriate and he was corrupting his wife’s traditional values.

Dakota had gotten in trouble for flipping a girl in the face with a rubber band. It hit her in the eye and she had to go to the doctor for she was having trouble seeing. Doug claimed the school was being too harsh on his boy and told Dakota how school didn’t teach people anything useful.

Tonya was shocked to see them and told them she was still with a patient and she’d be out soon. In the meantime, they sat down at a desk and made themselves comfortable. Each member of the clinic’s staff was extremely annoyed by their presence and wished them to have waited outside in the waiting room.

48. Louis XIV
"God Killed The Queen"  2:49
The Best Little Secrets Are Kept
San Diego, CA

Dr. Shaw entered and saw them gathered around his desk and Dakota seated in his chair.

“Can I help you?” he asked them.

“Just waiting on Tonya, my wife.”

“Oh, you’re her husband, I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Marcus Shaw.”

He extended his hand and Doug shook it. Doug was only there to stir up trouble with him.

Doug was angry with Dr. Shaw and attempted to engage in some sort of argument with him. He was rude, and questioned everything he did as if it were completely ridiculous. He first attempted to arouse him by stating country music was better than the “trash” he had playing from his computer. Then, he forcefully declared Food Network’s Rachel Ray was far better looking than any woman Dr. Shaw ever liked. After those attempts failed to stimulate any sort of dramatic response, he figured he’d stir him up by discussing politics- for he knew from Tonya, politics was a topic he was passionate about and his political stance was wretched.

“Let me ask you something,” he was certain to set the doctor straight, “do you support terrorism?”

“Do I support terrorism?” Dr. Shaw was stunned he just asked him that question.

“No,” said Dakota sarcastically, “does the desk support terrorism?”

“No, I don’t”, he answered calmly, “Do you?”

“Apparently you do if you don’t support the war and President Bush. That war is being fought to preserve your freedom bucko. You’d be speaking Iraqi right now if it weren’t for the troops going over and killing all them Muslims before they get over hear and blow up this hospital”

And with that…the feud had begun. Doug was correct, this would get a rise out of him. Sure enough, a full-fledged argument had developed involving the discussion of politics. However, Dr. Shaw was far more intelligent than Doug in those regards and countered Doug and Dakota with questions they were unable to answer logically. Furthermore, many employees from the clinic had all gathered around, joined in on the discussion and sided with Dr. Shaw. Doug and Dakota were growing belligerent and kept repeatedly stating ridiculous comments and allegations.

“You sound like one of them commies,” Dakota told him.

Doug laughed out loud at that statement. Nobody else did. They all looked at him annoyed. He and Dakota continued to make stupid comments and both of them laughed out loud.

Tonya entered and witnessed the debacle at hand. For the first time ever, she saw her family how other people saw them, and she was disgusted. She was embarrassed about them being there.

She approached them and explained she needed to treat another patient and she’d see them when she got home. She hoped they would leave but unfortunately did not. They continued to harass Dr. Shaw and the rest of the employees. She had to return to her patient and left them alone again. She didn’t have the nerve to shout at them to leave.

Dr. Shaw was not the least bit threatened by them. He perceived them as brainless idiots and enjoyed setting them up to make ridiculous statements for the rest of the staff to laugh at. However, Doug and Dakota thought they were getting the best of him and they continued making comments only they thought were funny.

47. The National
"Secret Meeting"  3:45
Cincinnati, OH/New York, NY

Three things happened at the exact same time as soon as her last patient left. 1.) Tonya had walked out of the exam room. 2.) In the midst of this, she heard her husband was in a debate about the war with Dr. Shaw and Dr. Shaw had him backed into a corner with questions he did not know the answer too. 3.) saw Tristen enter the room and make his way over to the desk. She knew for sure he would join in with Dr. Shaw and the whole group and make her husband look like even more of an ass. She didn’t care about that as much as she worried that once Tristen saw Doug and Dakota, and realized who they were, he would stop liking her. Tonya also worried that if she gathered near around the situation; Doug would get upset for her taking the side of her co-workers over her own family. But responses such as…

“If anything really did happen in Rondo, or whatever that 3rd World country was, we would have been there to stop it. We always help out those 3rd World countries and give them all our tax money so they can be free. But they don’t want to be free. We would’ve helped Rondo, but they didn’t want to be free.”

…left her no choice.

Tonya did not know too much about politics or all the details surrounding the war. Apparently, her husband didn’t either. She knew Dr. Shaw had done several extensive studies regarding it and had even had some social commentaries published on various political sites on the internet. She knew her husband was no match for Dr. Shaw, especially with everybody else gathered, and major especially if Tristen managed to get over there and participate.

“Hey Tristen,” she said stopping him, “can you help me with something.”

He looked over at the desk and heard the commotion and heard the Rondo statement. He wanted to go over there and get involved, but he wasn’t going to tell Tonya no. “Sure, anything for you my newfound love.”

Even though her world was currently in turmoil, she smiled at that comment. She thought he was flirting with her and that statement just proved how beautiful she was. Also, she thought of a lot of things she would like to have said. But, she couldn’t get too flirty for Doug was there. A missed opportunity.

“I need you to get something down for me,” she told him as she persuaded him to the supply closet.

46. The Blue Van
"Baby, I've Got Time"  3:31
The Art of Rolling
Broenderslev, Denmark

As they walked to the supply closet, Tristen kept glancing back at the commotion taking place at Dr. Shaw’s desk. She didn’t need anything out of the storage room, but she just wanted him away from the situation before it got too ugly. They walked into the storage room, which wasn’t too big, just big enough to take one or two steps inside, wide enough for two bodies, and then just a bunch of shelves.

Tristen stood at the door, holding it open, but kept looking back to the desk. Tonya looked over the shelves to find something on the top she could say she needed. Then, when she looked over at Tristen to tell him, she noticed he wasn’t paying attention to her and she utilized that moment to thoroughly check him out.

“Who the fuck is that?” he asked her.

She paused a moment, embarrassed, “it’s my husband,” she sighed.

“No shit,” he was surprised.

“I know,” she responded, knowing he didn’t find Doug the slightest least bit intelligent, “he’s fucking embarrassing me.”

He looked at her smiled. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you cuss.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is,” he playfully said back, “I distinctly recall very much you complaining once about there being too much profanity on television.”

“That wasn’t me that was Elaine. Because then you gave some speech about how we needed to research who told us not to cuss.”

Tristen knew Tonya was embarrassed by the situation so he was trying to be playful with her to keep her from getting upset. He was hoping to make her smile. And, he was praying she wouldn’t resort to the Tonya of old that hated him so much. After all, it was just a few hours ago that they had their coming out where they spoke civilly to each other as if they were friends. He didn’t want to ruin that so soon and go back to hating her.

“You remembered that?” Even though he was sincerely trying to ease her situation, he was shocked that she remembered that statement.

“I remember all the crap that you’ve said,” she said back with a sly smile. “Some of the shit you come up with.”

“I thought you never paid me any attention. And now you’re cussing like a fucking sailor.”

“What did I just say?”

“You said shit.”

“Shit’s not a cuss word.”

“Technically, it is.”

“Who told you told you that stupid ass shit?” Tonya’s words were coming out slowly because she was in an obvious attempt to enter as much profanity as she possible could, “And why the hell do I have to listen to that miserable fucking bastard mother fucking asshole.”

“Fuck me!” Tristen was very happy with this conversation, “I’m impressed.”

“What the fuck, it’s your lame ass fucking bullshit that fucking made me think this way.”

“You know,” Tristen told her trying to sound serious, “you might have to have your fucking mouth washed out with some fucking soap or something.”

“You’re the one who asked me to fuck you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he really was surprised now.

“You just said, ‘fuck me- I’m impressed. Sounds like you’re making a pass at me. I could file a sexual harassment suit.” Tonya was smiling the whole time she said this.

“Well,” he retorted knowing she was kidding, kidding as well but trying to sound serious, “I’ll just tell everybody you drug me over to the storage room for no reason and tried to rape me in the storage closet. With your husband in the same room.”

“So what if I did rape you, you couldn’t prove it.”

“Well, I probably wouldn’t complain either.”

It suddenly got quiet. Had Doug not been there at this very moment, she would have carried this conversation further. She felt herself trembling and wanted to get it on right there in the storage closet, but couldn’t at that very moment.

45. New Buffalo
"I've Got You and You've Got Me (Song of Contentment)"  3:54
The Last Beautiful Day
Melbourne, Australia

Tonya was awarded a consolation prize. As Tristen reached for the top shelf, his shirt came up exposing his body. It looked really good and she felt like grabbing it. He got the post-its down and handed them to her.

“Thanks,” she said.

“You’re welcome.”

“And thanks for keeping me company while my husband and my son make asses of themselves in front of all my colleagues.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “They all don’t like me anyway. I’ve been trying to get better.”

“I’ve noticed. Did you start smoking weed or something?”

“No,” she couldn’t explain what was happening, especially to him, “I’ve just been seeing things differently lately. I’ve never noticed some stuff before. I guess I lived sort of a sheltered life.”

“Well, you know those things happen I guess. I have some hash out in my car though if you would like to come out and smoke some sometime.”

“I might take you up on that. Everybody probably really hates me right now because of them.”

“Ah, fuck it, I’ll take care of the situation. Just let me handle it. When everybody gets up, you just grab them and leave.”

They walked over to the area where they were still attempting to defeat Dr. Shaw in a political debate.

“Who cares about Cuba’s economy dorkwad, they’re communists?” Typical Dakota statement.

“And exactly how has Cuba being a communist country done any harm to you?”

“I don’t know. It just has.”

“Once upon a time,” Tristen entered the conversation, “I too didn’t know. So I researched and found not all things referred to as common knowledge is in fact the truth. You,” he pointed at Dakota, “young man, the quest for the truth is a path that few conquer and the triumph of victory can be yours if, and only if, you look deep within.” He got super serious for this remark…”Deep within your soul.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dakota replied dumbfounded.

“Follow the path, your own path, the one you created yourself- and not the one you assumed was created for you, and you too will see the truth.”

Everyone present grew dead quiet. All but Dr. Shaw and Tonya had dumbfounded looks on their faces. Tonya knew he was trying to put a stop to the situation and was just saying some far off thing to distract them. Dr. Shaw actually understood what he meant and enjoyed the quote.

“Anyway,” he said, “I hate the break the little party up here, but I need you all for something very important. So, if you Cubans would kindly come this way please it is very important.”

“What the hell do you want?” Sue questioned trying to sound like she thought Tristen was nuts. She liked Tristen though even though she was one of the few who could tell he perhaps had serious mental issues.

They all got up and followed Tristen.

“Who was that geek?” asked Dakota.

“Somebody I work with,” she put it simply, “now come on, let’s go.” They left.

44. My Morning Jacket
"Anytime"  3:51
Louisville, KY

At the office, all persons present for the Doug and Dakota debacle suddenly showed sympathy for Tonya. She returned to work the following morning and apologized for their behavior which was thoroughly accepted. They thought differently of her after that, and fully realized their suspicions that she herself wasn’t the problem, and maybe needed assistance in dealing with the real problems. They openly spoke negatively about them to her and encouraged her she could do so much better. She should not take that turpitude from anybody.

That was all well and fine. But prior to, at home, she had to listen to Doug and Dakota brag all night about how they put Dr. Shaw in his place. Doug proclaimed how difficult it must be to work with people like them and if she wanted to quit her job to go elsewhere, he would support her. He felt immensely sorry for her because she had to work with a bunch of idiots and didn’t reap the benefits of working with modern day masterminds such as Bean, Rooster, and Stinky Herman.

By default, Tonya liked her family better, but that was only because she felt she had to. In actuality, she wished to be more accepted by her co-workers not only on a professional level, but on a personal level as well. She obviously loved Tristen, and that played a major factor. Remember, people alter their belief systems in order to impress someone they are sexually attracted to. As a result, Tonya began opening up to their way of thinking. She felt less constrained around her co-workers and freer to be herself unlike with her family who constantly wanted her be something else- a mindless servant and nothing more.

43. British Sea Power
"It Ended on an Oily Stage"  4:24
Open Season
Brighton, England

Later the following week, they all invited her to join them for drinks to celebrate Dr. Shaw’s birthday and she definitely wanted to go. However, she felt divided because she knew her husband would feel otherwise and not allow her to.

“Fuck him,” Sue told her, “he ain’t your dad! He can’t tell you what to do.”

There was no way around it. If she went, Doug was going to be angry. If she didn’t, he co-workers would think differently of her. Plus, Tristen was going. He had been so sweet to her lately and they even started taking their breaks together. She tried being sneaky about it, but she knew that before too long she and Tristen were going to get intimate. She wandered how this was going to affect her marriage.

Taking breaks with Tristen and sitting by him at lunch got her aroused to a point where she often had dizzy spells and lost track of what she was doing. She frequently had to masturbate in the bathroom at work. She also had to stake out new hotels to stop because she was unable to freely masturbate at home. She had to stop at a hotel again on the way home. She lied there naked on the bed, fantasizing about Tristen doing all sorts of wonderful things for her because he was so in love with her. She pictured him bringing her flowers, cooking her elegant dinners, giving her massages and writing romantic love songs for her and singing to her as he gently strummed an acoustic guitar.

After she creamed all over her fingers and made a sloppy mess on the hotel’s bed, she went home. Doug was not home yet, but his mother was still there. “You’re late,” Nancy scolded.

“And?” Tonya questioned back daring her to get nasty.

“You’ve been staying later and later these days. That’s not good when you have a family to raise.”

“Well, that’s life these days.”

“I hear those people you’re working with are bad news; you need to find a better job.” She said it almost as if it was a command.

This was a confrontation that was long in the making. Tonya was growing extremely weary of Doug’s mom telling her what was right and wrong and how should be acting as a mother and as a wife.

“You know,” she told her unpleasantly, “you don’t even know them. You have no clue what you’re even talking about. To be honest with you, I’m tired of you telling me what to do. You might be Doug’s mother, but you’re not mine. To me, you’re just some lady. So spare me the bullshit of whom I should and who I should not be associating with.”

Nancy was shocked. She gaped at her wide mouthed and outraged. “Well I,” she tried to put together something but couldn’t find the words for she was so angered.

“Well I nothing. Just to let you know, I’m going to be out even later tomorrow for I’m going out with those awful co-workers after work to celebrate my boss’s birthday.”

“Then you’re going to have to find a babysitter then, because I can’t stay tomorrow,” Nancy scolded.

“It’s already been taken care of,” Tonya quickly stated even though it hadn’t. She just wanted to let Nancy know her services were no longer important to her. But, she knew somebody who could be available and she’d been planning on getting rid of Nancy anyway.

“Fine then,” Nancy was very upset, “do what you got to do. I just won’t be around to help if you ever need me.”

“You know, that’s pretty funny. Doug goes out with his colleagues after work all the time whenever it’s one of their birthdays and he even drags me out with him. You don’t have any problem with that. But when I want to it’s a different. This is the first time I’ve ever been out with these people. It’d be disrespectful to not go with them for his birthday.”

42. Love Is All
"Turn The Radio Off"  3:56
Nine Times That Same Song
Göteborg, Sweden

Doug walked in and heard the feud.

“What’s going on in here?”

“You’re wife just informed me that she is going to be coming home late tomorrow for she is going out with those imbeciles from her work to celebrate that crazy doctor’s birthday.”

“Oh you are?” he questioned as if he disapproved and it wasn’t going to happen.

“Yes I am,” Tonya sternly said. She was already fuming mad at his mother for tension had already been mounting between the two for some time. This was not a good time to get snippy with her. Furthermore, she had been plotting telling Doug off too. Her adrenaline was flowing and this was by far the most intimidating she’d ever been.

Doug saw the inferno blazing and was a bit intimidated. Plus, he had just returned home from work and wasn’t in the mood for an argument. “I don’t really approve of you gong out with them,” he felt he had to say something.

“I don’t care,” Tonya had a nasty tone in her voice and her response was quick. If Nancy had said something at this moment, Tonya would have knocked her to ground and pounded her face with the coat rack leaving her a bloody mess on the floor. “I mean you go and do crap with your people from work all the time and I don’t like them.”

“Who don’t you like,” he was puzzled.

“I don’t like any of them. Like I want to hang out with a bunch of smelly dirty men and listen to crap about fixing brakes and some freak named Rooster who can’t turn a wrench the right way.”

Doug looked distraught, but had to laugh when he thought about the Rooster incident. Plus, he knew she had him if fair was to be fair. In addition, she looked ticked and if he took this too much further, things could get real ugly. Furthermore, he was in no mood for an argument and it had been a pretty good day.

“All right, you can go. But only if we have pork chops for dinner tonight.”

This was not what she was hoping. But, it was reasonable. It saved things from getting too ugly.

“That’s fine,” she said with a shrug and then stormed into the kitchen.

41. Caribou
"Brahminy Kite"  5:23
The Milk of Human Kindness
Dundas, ON, Canada/London, England

Nancy looked at Doug dumbfounded. “I know,” he told her.

“I told her I wasn’t staying and she said she had somebody already.”

“That’s fine,” Doug was trying to keep his mother calm, “everything will be all right.”

Finally, Nancy left. Doug proceeded into the kitchen and pulled in a chair while Tonya cooked.

“Something you want to talk about?” Doug asked her.

“I’m fine,” she answered remaining busy.

“You sure?”

“That woman,” she laughed, but angrily, “that woman drives me nuts sometimes. I don’t like her telling me what to do. Plus, I mean, I know you don’t like them, but I have to see them everyday and I sort of feel like I have to go. You know what I mean.”

It was quiet for a moment. “Look,” he added, “I understand your job’s your job and you gotta do what you gotta do, but try not to stay out too long tomorrow. Try and get home around 6:30. She’ll stay the whole time, don’t worry about her.”

“I’ll try. 6:30’s cutting it pretty close,” she knew she’d be out longer, “It might be later than that. It probably definitely will be.”

“Well, just try to get home as soon as you can.”

“Fuck that,” she thought. She was angry the whole time she cooked.

She felt she shouldn’t have to put up with this. It was her right to stay out as late as she wanted.

“What’s this I don’t approve bullshit?” she defiantly thought.

40. Serena Maneesh
"Beehiver II"  4:45
Oslo, Norway

The bottom line, Doug did nothing for her. She couldn’t even recall what she ever saw in him in the first place. She remembered liking him because her father liked him, but she hadn’t even spoken to that loser in months. Furthermore, she wasn’t sure if she even liked her father anymore.

Nowadays, she knew she could do better. She possessed a swagger of confidence because she was positive she could be with Tristen, her vote for the cutest boy in town. Tristen would be so much better than Doug in every way.

Maybe once upon a time she needed Doug for something. She may have once been afraid of men harming her, but she was over that now. She may have needed him for money and he owning his own business sounded lucrative. But she didn’t need his money. She made enough to support herself and Tristen. Plus, Tristen worked too. They would be better off without Doug dictating how the money she worked so hard for should be spent. He wasn’t even any good in bed.

39. The Redwalls
"Build a Bridge"  3:13
De Nova
Chicago, IL

As she thought about leaving him, she thought of her kids. Generally, mothers never wish to leave their kids.

First, there was Darrin. She and Darrin had not had a meaningful conversation with just the two of them in years. They used to be close when he was real young. However, he purposely killed her cat for clawing one of his shirts when Darrin picked him up by the tail. He was always mean to the cat and that cat hated him. It was his favorite shirt and when he saw the hole, he got angry and threw the cat, like a baseball, out the second story window. She never forgave him for that and worried he had psychological issues. Nobody else in the family cared for they didn’t like the cat just because it was a cat. So fuck Darrin.

Second, Dakota. Fuck him too. She reached the point where she completely despised this child. She avoided communication with him as often as possible and was annoyed by his very presence. If he ran away, she wouldn’t even care and would maybe even be happy. She hated even being in the same room with him.

April. She was perhaps the most tolerable, but annoying in her own way. She had something wrong with her. She rarely spoke, didn’t have any friends, and spent most of her time playing with that stupid doll. She wasn’t very smart and was behind in all of her learning skills. The school declared she may have to be in special education. She wasn’t very cute either. She often did gross things like eat the dog poop from the neighbor’s yard and people often got disgusted simply looking at her. Tonya didn’t like being around her and had no clue how to even deal with her. Once upon a time she tried, but Doug and Nancy did things differently and ruined it.

Finally, Melissa. She could hear her crying now. That was easily the most annoying cry she had ever heard. And she cried all the time. She kept her up at night too. Here lately, Tonya wished she’d had an abortion.

38. The Tears
"Two Creatures"  3:59
Here Come The Tears
London, England

All she dreamed about was starting a new life with Tristen. They had a mutual love for one another. She knew she could make him happy and he already made her happy. She would do anything for him.

She imagined her life with him. She imagined him rubbing her feet, doing her laundry, and buying her precious gifts such as a heart shaped necklace. She thought about them having so much fun together, going to amusement parks, going to movies and nice restaurants, taking nice vacations, and conducting seminars explaining how chickens became extinct. Not to mention, the sex would be fabulous.

She actually went into a trance thinking about all this and eventually ended up fantasizing about her and Tristen doing it in the dressing room of a store in which she was buying new clothes. He had found her so irresistible in the clothes she was going to purchase he couldn’t control himself, and fucked her standing up in the dressing room.

When she came back to reality, she found her hand stuffed down her pants, had just had an orgasm, and the chops were burning. She quickly looked around to make sure nobody caught her. She couldn’t believe she allowed herself to drift off like that.

Her fingers were wet from her jizzing on them. She flicked the cum on one of the pork chops.

“Give that one to April,” she thought, “she obviously likes eating nasty shit.”

37. Matt Pond PA
"The Moviegoer"  3:12
Several Arrows Later
Philadelphia, PA/New York, NY

Dr. Shaw's birthday party was absolutely delightful. It was supposed to be a surprise for Dr. Shaw, but he caught on. He still acted surprised though and was delighted and thankful everybody showed up.

The group sat at a large table across from the restaurant’s bar and ordered appetizers and drinks. Tristen was the fourth person there and when Tonya arrived she made an effort to sit right next to him. He scooted his chair a little closer to her after she sat down. She had been pretty touchy feely with him lately and he actually liked it. When he scooted closer, he hoped she would accidentally touch him some more.

However, he had no clue how Tonya really felt about him. He casually flirted with lots of girls, but never did anything more. He thought they were just kidding around with him and acted that way with everybody.

Truth be known, Tristen had never had a “serious” girlfriend. He’d only had sex with three girls and, aside from the elderly woman from the nursing home, the others- one being an enormous fat mama that (used instead of “who” purposely) weighed over 400 pounds, and the other was Melinda, the waitress Bean spent his time fantasizing about- strange how worlds conflict without anyone’s knowledge. All of the girls he had intimate encounters with made the first move on him. He was scared to make that first kiss. However, he never told girls ‘no’ either. Really, any girl could have her way with him. His ultimate fantasy was to be kidnapped, then beaten, then brutally raped and left tied up in a trunk somewhere. He only desired this to prevent that awkward feeling of having to make the first move. Had he have known how to respond to girls’ sexual offers, or how to persuade them, he possibly could have had a couple more girls. But as it stood, just a lot of nights of jerking off. Just last night, he stroked it thinking about Tonya for the first time ever.

36. Black Lipstick
"Bob Fosse"  3:59
Sincerely, Black Lipstick
Austin, TX

Tristen was obviously a little fucked in the head. Tonya didn’t know how bad he really was, nor would she have cared. She somewhat understood him, but that was only because she freakishly watched every move he made when they were together. She also acted as if she agreed with everything he said, regardless of the circumstances, just because she desired to spend more time with him.

The two of them talked, had a couple of drinks, and each wished the other would get fresh. They were both incredibly horny and the alcohol only intensified it. As the alcohol entered their system, they got busier with their hands, touching each other whenever they could.

However, the one major obstacle that kept them from getting too intimate was the marriage. Tonya was still somewhat conscientious about the consequences involved with cheating on her husband. But, if she were persuaded…

He thought she’d never go for him because she was married. He had no intentions whatsoever of ever doing anything with her, he just liked her touching his leg. He liked anybody touching his leg and even found it flattering for a dog to hump it.

35. Wolf Parade
"I'll Believe in Anything"  4:37
Apologies to the Queen Mary
Montréal, QC, Canada

Finally, the party ended and everybody left the restaurant. Tonya had a really good time and enjoyed a lot of laughs, and copped plenty of cheap feels to gain enough masturbation material for three whole months. As she loosened up, she was pretty funny too. She even cracked a few jokes that made everybody laugh. Plus, they all got a big kick out of her suddenly using profanity. Anytime she cussed, it was funny.

“Tonya,” Dr. Shaw said to her “I’m really glad you came.”

“Thanks,” she said smiling, hoping he would hurry so she could say goodbye to Tristen.

Dr. Shaw grabbed a hold of Tonya’s hands and held them gently in his, he was slightly drunk himself. “You are a beautiful person,” he told her much to her astonishment, “you’re funny and you’re smart and I’m glad to see you coming out of your constraints.”

She thought he might be hitting on her. This was an interesting twist. She wandered how this was going to work.

“Thanks,” she said, unsure of what else to say. This was the first time she’d ever been complimented in this fashion.

“Now come on,” he said letting go of her hands and encouraging her to walk with him, “let’s go give Tristen a hug. I know that’s what you want to do.” She looked at him funny and he winked at her.

“It’s fine,” he told her, “I know what’s going on. Too bad you’re married.”

“What?” she tried to act as if she had no clue what he was talking about and wondered how he knew.

“Just do what I do,” he said lowering his voice. “If I give him a hug, he’ll feel obligated to give you one. He’ll think that’s the way we leave around here. Plus, it’s what he wants too.”

Her heart was beating fast and she grew nervous just thinking about hugging Tristen. Furthermore, it puzzled her how Dr. Shaw seemed to know so much about everything.

“Hey you bastard,” he yelled out, “you’re not even going to say bye.”

Tristen stopped at his car and waited for them to get there. “Sorry.”

“Hey man,” he tugged Tonya along so she was standing right next to him and they were all three gathered by his car door in which he was about to enter, “thanks a lot for coming.”

“Thanks for having me;” he replied back with a smile, “I had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah me too,” he said. “All right you little bastard, you little prick, I’ll catch you tomorrow.”

He stuck his hand out and Tristen shook and then he pulled him in and hugged him. People hugged like this periodically, so it wasn’t deemed as that incredibly strange. It wasn’t a passionate hug, just a friendly gesture people did often.

“Thanks again man,” he said to him as he hugged him.

Tristen and Tonya looked at each other.

“Well,” said Tonya “bye.”

“Bye,” said Tristen.

Dr. Shaw lunged Tonya in the back without Tristen seeing and she and Tristen awkwardly embraced in a hug. However, they didn’t pull apart right away. Tonya felt in a state of bliss being held in his arms and feeling his body pressed up against hers. She wanted to kiss him so bad that her lips trembled. They unlocked. It wasn’t too long, for they didn’t want to look suspicious in front of Dr. Shaw. Tristen got in his car and left. Dr. Shaw smiled at Tonya; he knew what she was feeling. He got in his car and left. She got in her car and pulled out smiling.

34. Edan
"Rock and Roll Ft. Dagha"  3:16
Beauty and the Beat
Rockville, MD/Boston, MA

Tonya was in an extremely blissful mood when she got home at 7:22 PM.

“Where have you been?” Doug asked unpleasantly as soon as she entered.

“I was at Dr. Shaw’s birthday party. Remember? I told you about it yesterday.”

“We agreed you’d be home by six.”

“We didn’t agree to that. I told you it would be longer than six.”

She was standing up and everybody else in the family was gathered in the living room sitting down staring at her. Doug’s mom was there too. She got up and grabbed her things.

“Now, I can finally leave.” She spoke as if she was trying to make Tonya guilty for her having to stay so long. “I had things to do.” Nancy walked by Tonya and gave her a nasty look as she passed by her. “Oh dear Lord,” she said of Tonya waving her hand in front of her nose, “she’s been drinking.”

“Drinking? Alcohol?” Doug inquired as if he completely stunned that would dare do such a thing.

“Yes, I had a drink while I was there, so what?”

“You’re job is to be a positive role model for our kids. What are they going to think when they haven’t eaten dinner because their mother is a drunk?”

Tonya had no idea what to say. She didn’t appreciate being questioned in this manner. She just stood there looking at him.

“I mean none of us have eaten dinner yet.” He spoke with an austere tone, lecturing her about the meaning of good behavior. “Here it is getting late. Your family’s at home starving, and you’re out getting drunk with a bunch of loonies.”

“Well I’m sorry you never grasped the concept of the stove,” she sarcastically replied.

“So that’s the way it is.” He looked at her briefly but remained on the couch. “Kids, you all go on upstairs. Your mother and I need to have a little talk. It seems one of us needs some straightening.”

They went upstairs and it was just Doug and Tonya alone in the living room.

33. Quintron & Miss Pussycat
"Swamp Buggy Baddass"  4:21
Swamp Tech / Electric Swamp
New Orleans, LA

“This is ridiculous,” she said as they went upstairs.

“Now I’m going to tell how it’s going to be around here.”

“Oh you are- are you?” Tonya was getting smart and not going to take this.

“Shut up!” he sternly stated pointing his finger at her. “This is my house! And my house has rules you are expected to follow.”

Doug proceeded to lecture her about how she was supposed to be a better mother and how her duties was to cook and clean and do laundry and provide better support for these kids. There were thousands of things Tonya thought about saying but she only smarted off a couple of times. It was no use arguing with Doug. He was very persistent and would keep arguing his point for he thought he was always right. He would never change, nor would he ever bend or compromise. It was “his way or the highway” he told her.

Finally, Tonya just started saying what he wanted to hear just to shut him up.

“I mean are we going to have to start going to marriage counseling?” he asked.

That thought had no appeal whatsoever. She did not want to go to marriage counseling with him. She had no interest in her marriage with him any longer. She’d rather him divorce her, but she didn’t have the nerve to file one herself.

“Because I don’t believe in divorce,” he told her, “we’ll work through it, but we need you to start doing your part. The way you’ve been acting lately has been unacceptable. Real unacceptable! Now get in there and get dinner started so hopefully we can eat at a decent hour.”

32. Dr. Dog
"Fool's Life"  2:26
Easy Beat
Philadelphia, PA

Nothing was settled in this dispute. It was merely Doug stating the way things were expected to be and she just giving in. It was nothing more than a prelude to another argument.

For a lengthy time afterwards, she thought about the things he said and the responses she wished she’d have given instead. She wished she’d have told him that she does believe in divorce, and that she was leaving him, and that his behavior was unacceptable, and she was sick and tired of the fucking scum going to bed without brushing his teeth. Unfortunately, she could never bring herself to state how she really felt. It may have been she was afraid of making him angry or maybe she was afraid of hurting his feelings, but she simply could not say extremely harsh remarks to him.

But, she knew she shouldn’t have to put up with this crap. She didn’t need him telling her how to live her life. In fact, she did not need him period. She loved Tristen far more than she ever loved him.

She thought about how great her life would be if she upped and left him and ran off with Tristen. Sure, she’d pay child support, but she and Tristen would be so happy together. She could buy a home for them to live and would get him anything he wanted. She made enough money for them to live comfortably. With Tristen, she would no longer have to listen to Doug’s lectures or be told what to do. She’d be the one in charge of the house. Tristen would assist with the cleaning and laundry and other household chores. He would never expect her to be his servant, but rather he’d be happy serving her and making her happy. He would be willing to do whatever it took to please Tonya in every aspect.

She wouldn’t be that controlling over him either- not like Doug is with her. She wouldn’t monitor everything he spent his money on and critique its value. In fact, she’d open up a whole new credit card and give it to him and allow him to buy anything he wanted. She could even go back to school and get her PHD so she could get him more things.

And they would have sex several times a day. Tristen would not only worship her body, but allow her to do all the things she wanted to him. For the next week, that’s all she primarily thought about. She fantasized about her life with Tristen and how much she despised her life with Doug. The only true pleasures she enjoyed in life was her time spent with Tristen at lunch and on breaks, and the time she spent masturbating lustfully envisioning what she wished she could do to him.

31. ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
"The Summer of '91"  3:12
Worlds Apart
Austin, TX

It consumed her so much that her masturbating had gotten out of control. She stopped at a hotel every day on the way home from work. She masturbated at work everyday after lunch. She masturbated at home every morning in the shower, every night before bed, and usually once randomly during the day. Her pussy was always dripping wet and she got to where she could bring herself to climax in under a minute or two. Each day at the hotel, she spent longer so she could really enjoy it. All of the rest of the time she had to rush it and often had to stop if her family was stirring around or if Melissa would start crying. But, she touched herself as often as she could.

That’s exactly what she was doing that Saturday. She was lying on the couch covered in a blanket so nobody could see her. She was pretending like she was sleeping. Underneath the blanket, she had her shorts pulled down just enough to slide her hand down her panties to fondle herself. She had to do it slowly for Doug and the kids were in the room watching television and she did not want them to see.

As she lay there, she kept visualizing herself and Tristen in various sexual positions.

One day at lunch, he got into an argument with a co-worker over gay marriage and Tristen declared there was nothing wrong with being gay. Afterwards, the other employee insisted that Tristen was gay.

In her fantasy, she set out to prove to that person that Tristen was not gay. So she told Tristen to do all sorts of various sexual acts while the other person watched in order to prove he wasn’t gay.

All of her fantasies as of lately involved her seducing him. She imagined herself as the aggressor and confidently having total control over him. She pictured herself tying him up to a bed or forcing him to go down on her while she drove her minivan. In all the fantasies, he enjoyed it and he would make special time for his abuse.

Often, the fantasies would be related to whatever took place at work, and how she could have taken some of their casual flirtations a bit further. For instance, Friday they were all crammed in a car again, and once again she kept copping cheap feels. She wandered how it would be if they drove separately and stopped somewhere on the way and did it in the back seat. She desperately wanted to ask him to meet her at the hotel one day after work.

A lot of times, her sexual fantasies revolved around her home life as well. In her mind, she had become so involved with Tristen that it was almost as if she were leading a double life. In some fantasies, they were extremely close and in some, they were married and living together.

Any time she had a free second, she pictured herself and Tristen having sex, even if only briefly. It was an obsession she could not stop thinking about. And as she laid there on the couch, that’s all she thought about, even with her family right there.

Sometimes, her fantasies were in spite of Doug. At that particular moment, she was fantasizing about Tristen being there right now with her naked and on top of him bouncing passionately on his luscious cock while Doug angrily watched. Then she imagined herself asking Doug to get her and Tristen a Coke. That turned out to be ironic.

30. Okkervil River
"A Stone"  5:24
Black Sheep Boy
Austin, TX

Doug was sitting there watching TV. Aside from the television, all else was quiet. It would appear Tonya was sound asleep on the couch.

“Tonya,” he said waking her up.

She wearily looked over at him and wished he wouldn’t disturb her.

“Can you get me a glass of lemonade,” he asked as he was watching television.

“You have legs, get it yourself,” she said out loud almost accidentally.

He looked at her and shook his head. “I’m trying to watch this show.”

“Well, I’m trying to sleep,” she said back.

“Fine,” he said. He sighed as he got up to go to the kitchen. “Lazy.”

“While you’re up, get me one too,” she asked.

He came back with one drink and didn’t get her one.

“Get up off your lazy butt and get your own self one.”

“Well fuck you then!” she shouted at him.

It got dead quiet in the room for and for a split second, everybody stared at her. Then, Melissa started crying.

“Don’t you ever use that language again in this house in front of my kids!”

“Your kids?”

“Yes my kids, and we will not have them being exposed to profanity.”

“Whatever,” she sarcastically said, “they probably already cuss. Only weak-minded people get offended by cussing.”

He gave her a dirty look as Melissa was still crying, “Melissa needs changed.”

“Than change her,” she ordered, “she’s YOUR kid.”

Doug was furious. “All right, kids, go on upstairs and can one of you change Melissa’s diaper?”

“No kids,” Tonya stated, “don’t go. Your father can change her.”

“We need to have a talk,” he told Tonya.

“Do any of you even know how to change a diaper?” Tonya asked.

Darrin, Dakota, and April were standing in a line preparing to go upstairs. When she asked the question, they all shook their heads ‘no’.

“That’s your job,” Dakota stated.

“Hey Dakota,” Tonya asked, “have you ever heard anybody at Dad’s shop say fuck before?”

All three kids smiled and tried not to laugh.

“Get upstairs!” Doug shouted at the top of his lungs.

29. Architecture in Helsinki
"Need to Shout"  4:10
In Case We Die
Melbourne, Australia

They raced up the stairs; Tonya felt a rush of adrenaline come over her. She was not going to back down this time.

“Be a mom, and change Melissa,” he ordered.

“No. You do it.”

“I’m not telling you again.”

“Good. Now change it. Pretend she really is your kid.”

“Tonya! I’m not in the mood to be putting up with your crap. Now you get your butt off that couch and change your daughter’s diaper like a woman’s supposed to.”

“Now she’s my daughter?”

“She’s our daughter.”

“Well then, I changed her last time. It’s your turn to change her.”

He rushed over to the couch and ripped the blanket off of her and threw it. Luckily, she had pulled her shorts up and wasn’t fondling herself.

“Get up and change your baby’s diaper right now!”

“No. It’s your turn to.”

He grabbed her arms and tried to pull her up. She jerked away from him. He forcefully grabbed her and she tried to shake herself away from him. He threw her down to the floor and tried to get on top of her. She angrily tried to wrestle her way out of his grasp. He would not hit her, nor would she hit him. She wanted to kick him in the balls but didn’t. Finally, he pinned her face down on the floor and had control of her arms behind her back. She was still trying to get free, but he was hurting her.

She looked up and saw the kids were all gathered on the stairs watching the whole thing. She stopped and Doug let go and shoved her on the back.

“Now change that baby’s diaper so she quits crying,” Doug ordered.

“Mom,” said Dakota assuming she looked ridiculous, “just change the diaper already.”

When she got up, she was angrier now than she had ever been. She was not going to cry. She would never shed a single tear for this piece of shit. She grabbed the baby forcefully.

“Hey! Don’t take your laziness out on her,” he ordered. “I thought I told you kids to go upstairs.”

“Are you done?” Darrin asked.

“Yeah, we’re done,” he said. “Your mother may need to see a psychiatrist though. That head of hers has gotten screwed up. That’s what happens you spend too much time around a bunch weirdoes like the ones at her work. Next thing you know she’ll be taking drugs.”

Tonya changed Melissa’s diaper. As she changed it, it dawned on her that she hated her entire family.

28. The Decemberists
"The Bagman's Gambit"  7:05
Portland, OR

Gradually throughout the 80’s and 90’s, radio stations began getting bought out by giant corporations. As more stations became corporately owned, the worst the selection of music became. It reached a point where there was a major disparity between what was good and what was popular.

The chief culprit of these corporations buying an abundance of radio stations was Clear Channel Entertainment. It was hard to figure out why they were even interested in buying radio stations, because it obviously was not to promote good music. In fact, it was apparent that they had no clue what they were even doing when it came to creating a playlist. All of the rock music they played sounded the exact same and a rise in the pop charts depended solely on how the “musician” looked. It was hard to consider these people musicians for they had very little musical talent.

Particularly in rock music, artistically gifted bands such as The Beatles and Led Zeppelin were replaced with mindless acts who possessed no artistic talent whatsoever and simply tried to conform with what corporate radio playlists was attempting in order to sound like everybody else and hopefully make more money- another example of how capitalism had a negative influence on society. The “post grunge” era of radio featured bands such as Creed, Godsmack, Disturbed, Staind, Nickelback, Three Doors Down, and Linkin Park. This music was so extremely ordinary, and appealed primarily to non-intellects who may go delirious if they ever heard something unconventional or experimental. These acts not only sounded exactly the same, but failed to garner any credibility with critics or other music experts.

As a result of Clear Channel only playing bad music, record sales diminished and several independent record stores went out of business costing millions of Americans jobs. Then, because they were able to control the media and spread the same story over numerous broadcasts, the corporations placed the blame of diminishing sales on people who downloaded albums off the internet; and that soon became yet another false commonly accepted belief that was eradicated by an untrustworthy source.

27. Low
"Broadway (So Many People)"  7:14
The Great Destroyer
Duluth, MN

It was as if the goal of the radio was to keep some listeners angry and stupid and others content and stupid. However, even the angry ones were content with the capitalist political system and that was the primary goal (they were to be angry with Muslims or any other enemy the government wished to create). Clear Channel-owned media stations did nothing to promote intelligence in society. They even hired the most annoying DJ’s to talk about meaningless crap in-between the already bad songs and the numerous advertisements for utterly useless products.

A major reason why Clear Channel wished to keep the public content with American policy/too stupid to realize its’ inadequacies/angry and fearful of the alternatives was the fact that they were clear supporters of the war in Iraq. By keeping the public angry, stupid, and afraid, they would be more willing to support the cause of a meaningless war and more eager to fight for the system they had been groomed to be content with. Of all the great songs that came out protesting the war in Iraq, not a single one of them was ever played on a Clear Channel station. It’s highly possible that Clear Channel owner Lowry Mays was either affiliated with the neocons in the government, or he too was involved in gaining profits from the Iraqi oil resources that was now being generated to American corporations. And while they did nothing to promote intelligence, they did everything in their power to promote the war or support for the troops. Although bands weren’t being played on the radio, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, for it had nothing to do with originality, talent, or artistic vision- it simply meant that they were not appealing to ordinary mainstream American society, which was not a bad thing either considering mainstream America was considered to be the lamest culture in all the western world.

Did corporate radio refrain from playing music because mainstream society was too stupid to understand complex music? Or, was society’s stupidity a result of corporate-owned media continuously force-feeding the public brainless trite?

Once upon a time, complex music was played on the radio. The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and The Doors all enjoyed commercial success at one time and society seemed to understand those bands just fine. In fact, those bands sustained longevity and remained more popular than whatever mindless trends corporations were attempting to promote, thus proving that members of society are not nearly as stupid as corporations want them to be. Furthermore, their albums continued to sell fine during the alleged downloading craze.

26. Do Me Bad Things
"Hold On"  6:16
Croydon, England

Common people simply needed more exposure to intelligent materials and capitalistic corporations proved unwilling to provide them. It even seemed as if they were purposely attempting to undermine them. Why?

Society had become stupid as a result of corporations not only dictating the media, but controlling everything else. By the year 2005, The United States was completely controlled by both corporations and religion who fed off each other. For starters, corporations dictated what was to be taught in schools and who should be permitted to receive secondary education. Furthermore, religion played an important factor because certain elements were deemed inappropriate to be taught in schools. If a schools subject matter offended a religious organization, or didn’t correspond to the corporations funding it, those organizations would protest and cease funding the school and eventually it would have to be shut down.

This combination of trying to please religious organizations and capitalistic corporations affected every aspect of life. Movies would not be made because those who controlled the funds would not invest in films if it offended religious organizations or other corporations. Even restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores, utilities, and clothing stores had to comply with the standards regulated by religion and capitalism. Music especially, it was not until 1967 AD that a band like The Velvet Underground was even permitted to exist. Any type of music, or film, or book, or any form of entertainment had to comply with the regulations corporations where trying to eradicate in society or else they would not be made or they would be poorly funded. And to top it all off, the schools in the American education system groom children at an early age to conform to these standards or else.

The ultimate goal was to make money and corporate/religious funded organizations groomed people to believe certain methods had to be applied and these methods were the only acceptable ways to achieve success. This concept put severe restrictions on an artists’ capabilities for they would alter their work or constrain themselves from conjuring up anything that may be considered too radical or immoral.

Even though the majority never questioned these aspects and simply accepted their brainwashing subordinately and became yet another member of lame and stupid American society, there remained a core of people who were able to think freely for themselves, and maintained an interest in quality music and other forms of art. These people generally preferred independent films over blockbuster hits, obscure literature over romance novels, and supported left-wing politics. This group was minute in size, less than 5% of the total population and was often shun by society- although often admired as well. They had no interest in being a part of mainstream society. As members from this group would individually withdraw from mainstream society and become alienated at school and family functions, they would somehow find their way to the places in which other like-minded free-thinkers gathered, concert venues mostly.

Top Image: http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2330/2985571986_21ed4ee067_z.jpg?zz=1
Bottom Image: http://blog.mindvalley.com/files/2005/11/picture-41.png

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