Part 1: Family Values in America
Part 2: The Oblivious Barnes Family
Part 3: The Lunch That Changed Everything
Part 4: Chickens are Extinct
Part 5: Masturbation is a Sin!
Part 6: Cracks in the Foundation
Part 7: Dr. Shaw's Party & The Aftermath That Ensued
Part 8: Disaster Finally Strikes
Part VIII: Disaster Finally Strikes
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
25. The Others
"How I Nearly Lost You" 3:44
Doug decided that weekend he and the kids were going off to ride quads in Kentucky and they were going without Tonya. When they originally planned the trip, they insisted that she go. However, Darrin and Dakota requested that she not go because they didn’t want her to spoil the trip because she was a woman and couldn’t ride a dirt bike. Doug felt the time apart may do them some good. He also wanted to take Melissa so she could gain the experience and enjoy the wildlife. This was inanely stupid and completely illogical, but nobody ever accused Doug of being a genius. Besides, there were other people from the shop going and he wanted to show off ‘his’ daughter. Also, other women were going as well and these ladies wouldn’t be riding dirt bikes. But, Tonya didn’t want to be around any of those women.
Tonya was particularly looking forward to them leaving. She could not wait to have the house to herself for the entire weekend. She planned on either spending it masturbating in the fashion that was unrushed and provided hours of enjoyment. Or, she hoped Tristen would come over and stay with her- and possibly fuck her.
The two had been spending a lot of time together at work and had become a topic of gossip among the other employees around the hospital. Tonya would often rub her vagina while he wasn’t looking and wipe her cum on him, pretending to casually be patting him on the shoulder. He never caught on to what she was doing.
There was an obvious spark developing between the two. However, they had never done anything too intimate with one another. Tristen didn’t even know how passionate she was for him and merely thought she just wanted to be friends. After all, she was nearly 20 years older than he and married with children.
"The New American Apathy" 4:58
We're Already There
That Friday, Tonya dressed exceptionally sexy. She had gone to the mall and purchased some new clothes especially for this occasion. She bought some clothes for Saturday and Sunday that she was planning on wearing too. But for Friday, she was dressed in a skimpy denim skirt and a button-down blouse that was snug around her breasts and revealed cleavage. Hopefully, this would be enough to lure Tristen into coming over for the weekend.
She eagerly anticipated lunchtime and couldn’t wait to sit close to him in the backseat of the car. And today at lunch, she got a bonus. She managed to jump in so she was sitting by Tristen and he was pinned up against the driver’s side door. This away, they couldn’t be seen in the rearview mirror. And to her pleasure, another co-worker decided to bring along one of his friends and so another person squeezed into the backseat. Even more perfectly, Elaine bitched the whole time and all the attention was on Rick and Elaine arguing back and forth and Rick saying funny things just to tick her off.
23. Tenement Halls
"Silver From the Silt" 3:48
Knitting Needles & Bicycle Bells
Once the other passenger jumped in, Tonya scooted onto Tristen’s lap and had to prop her legs over Tristen’s lap. The two sat quietly and didn’t make a sound.
Tonya put her arm around Tristen and made it seem like she was only doing it because she had no place else to put it. However, she no longer cared at the point. She caressed his neck gently with her finger, rubbed her hands through his hair and rubbed her finger down the top of his shirt, and also fondled his arm with her other hand.
Tristen felt her caressing him, but said nothing. He, as if there was no other place to put it, rested his hand on her bare knee. His other hand dropped down his side and rested on his own leg. But in the exact same fashion Tonya could not control her hands moving to Tristen the first time they were in this situation, his hand magnetically found its way to her foot and lightly touched it. A sensation raced over her as soon as his hand grazed her foot and she slipped off that shoe. Once she did that, his touch became a feel and he passionately caressed her toes.
As they got out, she touched his butt as he was getting out of the car. It was the first time either of them had touched each other in what was considered a private area. They didn’t say anything about it at lunch and each acted as if nothing happened.
22. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy & Matt Sweeney
"My Home Is The Sea" 5:49
On the way back, they resumed the exact same seating arrangement. Tonya immediately put her arm back around him and went back to feeling him up. Once again, Tristen put his hand on her foot, something he took great pleasure in, and she slid off her shoe again to allow him to touch it. She knew she was fulfilling his foot fetish. This time, instead of resting his closed hand on her knee, he opened his hand and placed it on her thigh and kept it there. He didn’t rub or caress it, nor did he try to make a serious attempt at going all the way up her skirt. However, about every minute, he did move one finger gently to feel her skin and he gradually moved one inch up her skirt- still a great distance though from reaching her panties.
Back at work, they took their afternoon break together. Neither spoke of lunch. She was hoping to go someplace where they could be alone so she could continue groping him. However, there were constantly people around wherever they went. But, she did manage to get into a position where she could spread her legs in front of him and allow him to see up her skirt. She was wearing black panties and Tristen could see hairs sticking out the edges of her panties.
21. Antony & The Johnsons
I Am a Bird Now
New York, NY
“I’m so glad my fucking asshole husband’s leaving this weekend,” she said as she took a puff off the fourth cigarette she had ever smoked.
“Where’s he going?” Tristen asked.
“To Kentucky to ride quads with all his loser friends.”
“Oh really, how come you’re not going?”
They both laughed. “Are all the kids going?”
“Yup. I’m going to have the place all to myself.”
“Yeah, kind of. I hope I don’t get lonely. I get scared being a big house by myself. I don’t know why.”
“You could watch that movie I told you about.”
“I could.” She looked over at him and inched a smidgeon closer to him. “You should bring it over and watch it with me. And keep me company.”
“Seriously?” Tristen was shocked she asked. However, he felt a rush of nervousness and excitement form into his stomach.
“Yeah. You can hang out at my place if you’re not doing anything else.”
“Okay,” he said trying not to sound excited, “I didn’t have anything planned. If I get around, I’ll stop by.”
She gave him directions to her house and said he could come over whenever he wanted. He never said for sure he was coming, nor did they set a specific time to meet.
Both eagerly anticipated what they were hoping would happen and both hoped it would involve sex. They spent the rest of the afternoon extremely horny, but worried a little bit the other one didn’t see things the same way or just wanted to friends or worried about Doug. She was still angry at Doug and had spent the last week plotting his demise.
"Move On" 4:10
Denver, CO/Lexington, KY
Regardless if Tristen would come over or not, she couldn’t wait to get home and masturbate. As soon as she got home, she first walked around the house to make sure nobody was around. Doug’s SUV was gone and there was no sign of the kids anywhere. Tonya popped her new CD into the CD player. Tristen and Dr. Shaw both liked unique styles of music that was not played on the radio. They actually had a lot in common with music and had both gone to the same shows but didn’t know each other at the time. Tristen had been turning her on to new music lately and this was a CD Tristen recommended for her. She thoroughly enjoyed it. She wasted no time. She took off her shoes and lie back on the sofa. She pulled down her panties and kept them around her ankles. Her pussy was incredibly wet and her fingers easily slipped into her hole and slid across her clit. She imagined her standing up and Tristen kneeling in front of her, first sucking off her toes, then kissing up her leg, and finally sticking his head up her skirt and burying his face into her muff. She unbuttoned her blouse and pulled her tits out of her bra, just as she imagined Tristen would do it. 19. Animal Collective
"The Purple Bottle" 6:48
Baltimore, MD/New York, NY
Suddenly the door opened. As the footsteps entered, she heard Melissa crying. “What the fuck,” she thought. She pulled her panties back up and buttoned her blouse back up. She turned to look and see what was going on. The entire family had come back in and all looked distraught. Melissa was crying louder than ever. “Here hon,” Doug said as soon as he walked in handing Tonya Melissa, “Take her.” Confused, Tonya took her. “What are you guys doing back so soon?” “We’re not going,” Darrin said. “We got a call and they said they had closed off the trails we usually ride because they’re building a Wal-Mart there or something.” “We got halfway down there too,” Dakota said. All of them looked mad about not being able to go. Tonya looked even madder. This was supposed to be her weekend alone and furthermore, she’d been extremely mad at them anyway. “I’m hungry,” Dakota said. “I was going out tonight,” Tonya stated, “I had no intentions on cooking dinner.” “Well, we’re here now,” Doug stated, assuming she’d be more supportive of his misfortune. “There’s no sense in us going out and wasting all that money.” “I’m hungry too,” said Darrin staring right at Tonya. They were all staring at her. “We didn’t have time for lunch,” he said, “so you’ll have to get something started soon.” 18. LCD Soundsystem
"Disco Infiltrator" 4:56
New York, NY
Tonya had no clue what to say. She was irritated they were home. To top it off, they were all bickering about not being able to go on the trip and being hungry. Tonya got up and went to the bathroom. She sat in there for a while and couldn’t believe they had come home. She wandered if Tristen was still coming over. Then, how would Doug react when he arrived and what would she tell him? When the family arrived, she was so close to orgasm and was mostly irritated she had to stop. She figured she might as well finish now in the bathroom while they were all in there bickering. Afterwards, maybe everything would be better. She sat on the floor and removed her panties once again. She stroked her clit again and came real close to reaching orgasm. Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door. “Come on,” Doug yelled, “stop farting around in there. All of us out here is hungry.” That was Tonya’s breaking point and she should have snapped. She should have screamed, cursed, and stormed out of the house. But, she didn’t. Instead, she kept it bottled inside and let her frustrations go past that point and to a dangerous level. 17. Dälek
"Distorted Prose" 6:00
She cooked spaghetti and remained extremely angry, gritting her teeth in silence. In the background, she could hear the others still bickering and complaining. The spaghetti didn’t take long to make. As she prepared everybody’s plates, she remembered something she once saw on television. Several movies, and several television shows, featured a prank in which somebody put a laxative in another person’s food to make them frequently have to go to the restroom. Tonya noticed the laxatives in the cabinet and mixed a major portion in Doug’s spaghetti and served it to him. At the table, she thought again how much she hated them being here. Every single one of them had poor table manners, and they smacked their lips and slurped up the spaghetti. It was so disgusting, Tonya couldn’t even eat. Finally, she got up and scraped her food and the trash and put the plate in the sink. “Here,” Dakota said tossing his plate over, “you can take mine too.” “Take it up your damn self,” Tonya told him with a nasty tone in her voice. “Hey!” Doug yelled at Tonya. “Hey what?” she angrily shouted back. “There’ll be none of that,” he declared. “None of us are in the mood for your attitude tonight.” “Then leave,” she ordered. 16. Broken Social Scene
Broken Social Scene
Toronto, ON, Canada
Doug got quiet for a second and then lowered his tone. “Now come on, there’s no need to be like this. Just go ahead and clean up the dishes and we’ll leave you alone.” “I’m not doing the dishes,” she sternly stated. “Now come on,” he acted as if this was something she should automatically know she has to do, “these dishes will get to stinking.” “Then you better wash them,” she said. “They can sit in there and get roaches for all I care. I’m not doing them. I cooked the shit so you all can at least do something.” She turned her back to him and walked into the living room. “Come on kids,” Doug told everybody, “we’ll go ahead and do the dishes. Your mother’s obviously started her period tonight.” Darrin and Dakota laughed. Tonya completely ignored them. She sat on the floor worked on her project while she played music on the stereo. Doug brought Melissa in with her and sat her in the crib. “Here, you have to watch her while we do your job.” He started to go back to the kitchen, “hopefully her head won’t get warped like yours’ from listening to that crap.” “It’s better than that garbage you guys watch on TV,” she shouted as he was walking off. 15. Shout out Louds
"Shut Your Eyes" 3:10
Howl Howl Gaff Gaff
In the kitchen, they had the water running and were clanking dishes. One of them dropped a glass and broke it. The glass breaking caused Melissa to wake up and start crying. Tonya dropped what she was doing but didn’t get up. She put her head into her hand obviously past the point of irritation. This baby cried too much and her cry was the most unpleasant sound on Earth. She sat there listening to her cry growing even angrier. She got up and looked at her crying. She looked like Doug, and just looking at her made her infuriated. She looked around the room and noticed a picture hanging up on the wall displayed over the television. She hated the picture; it was a family photo they had taken at the mall. 14. The Howling Hex
"Pair Back Up Mass With" 3:57
Tonya removed the picture from the wall and sat it on the floor. She gathered Melissa, removed the baby’s clothes and took off her diaper. She picked her up in one hand, and squeezed steaming hot glue from the hot glue gun all over her back. The hot glue caused the baby’s skin to scald in Melissa cried in immense pain. Tonya also squirted glue on the back of her legs and Melissa cried sharply and attempted to squirm out of her mother’s grasp. The glue had created severe burns and the baby was experience extreme discomfort and intense excruciating pain. After setting the glue gun down, Tonya pressed the crying Melissa against the wall where the photo once hung. She kept applying pressure until the glue dried and Melissa was completely mounted to the wall. The baby’s skin had melted from the extreme heat of the glue and was permanently attached to the drywall. The pain the baby had to have felt must have been unbearable for she cried now louder than she had ever cried before. Afterwards, Tonya removed her hands and took a couple steps back to observe her artwork. Melissa was completely stuck to the wall about five and half feet in the air on display. She cried in severe pain. Tonya did not glue her head or her arms, and Melissa kept waving her arms and swaying her head as she cried, desperately hoping for anything to ease the extreme burning sensations and discomfort of being glued to a wall. Tonya sat back down and proceeded to working on her project as if nothing was happening. 13. Of Montreal
"So Begins Our Alabee" 4:16
The Sunlandic Twins
“Shut that baby up!” Dakota yelled from the kitchen. “Fuck you!” Tonya yelled back. Angrily, Doug stormed into the living room. As soon as he saw Melissa glued to the wall he froze. He realized things had now gone way too far. “All right, real funny,” he said to her trying to sound stern, but calm, “now get her down.” Tonya just looked at him. ‘Uh, no,” she said with a smart aleck tone in her voice. “Tonya, this is not a joke. That’s our baby you just glued to the wall. Now get her down before she gets hurt. This is serious.” Rather, Tonya simply remained seated on the floor and looked up at Melissa stuck to the wall, crying in sheer agony and flailing her arms, desperately in need of medical help. “I think she looks cute up there.” Subsequently, Tonya calmly went back to her work. “Plus,” she added, focusing on her glue project and not even looking at Doug, “I’m curious how it will affect her growth, Doug was alarmed. He walked back to the kitchen and told the rest of the kids to go upstairs and stay there this time. He didn’t mention that their baby sister was currently glued to the living room wall. He came back in with a hammer and a chisel. “Hon,” he said seriously, “I love you. But you need some help. We’re going to take you to see a doctor. You have something seriously wrong with you and we’re going to find out what it is.” He walked over to the wall and attempted to get Melissa down with the chisel. He was trying to not to hurt her, but his first hammer cut the chisel into her leg. Melissa cried louder for the pain was too immense for an infant to endure. As Doug tried to keep her calm, the baby’s blood continued to gush from her wound and dripped down the wall as Doug continued to hammer. 12. The Russian Futurists
"Still Life" 4:11
Toronto, ON, Canada
Tonya remembered the laxatives she put in his food. Then she sat and watched for now she was conducting an experiment. She wandered if he could get Melissa down before the laxative kicked in and which would prevail in an emergency situation: Mind or Matter? Doug couldn’t hammer very hard, and was overly cautious not to hurt Melissa any more than he already had. Tonya noticed he was sweating profusely. He clutched his stomach after each whack of the hammer. He tried to hurry. Once he started swaying back and forth with his ass cheeks tightly clutched, Tonya took that as her cue. While Doug was busy attempting to get Melissa off of the wall, Tonya ran into the bathroom with the hot glue gun. She glued the toilet to the porcelain and sprayed a generous portion all over the toilet seat. She had two full cases of glue and was bound and determined to use all of it. She poured glue all over the floor and all over the toilet paper, which was directly in front of the toilet. As she exited the bathroom, Doug raced in. Tonya went upstairs and then glued April’s doll to the wall. 11. Crooked Fingers
"Sleep All Summer" 4:43
Dignity and Shame
Chapel Hill, NC/Seattle, WA
Upon trying to get Melissa down, a task in which he failed, he decided not shitting in his pants was more important than getting daughter unglued from the wall. That’s fine, assuming he could go back and get her down after he was finished, and assuming she would be still be alive and did not bleed to death or go into a state of shock because the pain was too intense. Doug raced to the bathroom and once he got to the toilet, he felt the floor was sticky and even realized Tonya had put glue on the toilet seat. Due to how people were groomed in society, and because he held it longer than normal, and because of the amount of laxatives Tonya put in his food, Doug sat all the way down on the glue anyway. He felt so relieved, he sighed a breath of relaxation when he sat on the toilet. As he sat, the glue on the seat and floor completely dried and Doug was totally glued to the toilet. 10. Wussy
"Coversation Lags" 3:08
Just a few months ago, he was completely in control of everything that took place in this household. He figured he’d be able to get up, or somebody would get him off. He supported the system and it surely would not leave him here. But Doug was among the last of his kind. Most men did not act this way anymore. Many families these days were being run and operated by the woman, or at least the decisions were made equally. Really, this was proof that this type of “traditional” behavior was no longer going to be tolerated. After Doug finished shitting, he knew he was stuck and he was extremely angry. He reached for the toilet paper and felt she had poured glue all over it. Unwisely, he elected to wipe his ass anyway. The toilet paper got stuck to his hand and to his ass. He tried to get the toilet paper unstuck and ended up with his hand glued to his ass. 9. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
"In This Home On Ice" 3:59
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
New London, CT/New York, NY
Tonya came in smiling. “Whatcha doing hon?” she asked. He glared at her with blazing eyes. “Honey, get me off of here right now!” “Kids,” she yelled as she walked out, “come down here.” She re-entered with Darrin and Dakota. “Look at your father,” she said laughing. Darrin and Dakota both started laughing too. Tonya had gotten the camera and took some pictures of Doug on the toilet. He was furious. “Kids, your mom’s gone insane. Seriously, get out!” “Oh,” she said with a smile, “I have not.” “Look,” Doug said now getting desperate, “I don’t want the kids seeing this.” “Fine then, they won’t” 8. Angels of Light
The Angels of Light Sing 'Other People'
New York, NY
As soon as she said that, she pointed the glue gun at Dakota’s face and sprayed hot glue in his eyes. He screamed in anguish, clutched his eyes, and spun around on the floor in a fit of panic. The glue had blinded him and the high temperature of the glue melted his eyes shut. Darrin was stunned. Tonya grabbed him by his hair and sprayed hot glue all over his face. He closed his eyes and tried to block it with his hands, but he too was blinded. Tonya forcefully grabbed Darrin’s head and reached down and grabbed the back of Dakota’s hair. She pushed their faces together and sprayed more glue on them. She kept them pressed together until they were stuck together. 7. Devendra Banhart
"Santa Maria de Feira" 4:35
One time, they panicked so severely they actually pulled themselves apart. Each had the other’s skin hanging off their faces and visible open wounds emerged. She smashed them together again and sprayed more glue on them. They gave up trying to pull themselves apart for the ripped skin on their faces was quite painful. They simply allowed the glue to dry their faces together while they cried. “Ah,” Tonya was mocking their cries. “Boo-hoo-hoo. Are the little babies crying?” 6. The Hold Steady
"Charlemagne in Sweatpants" 3:58
New York, NY (Strong roots in Minneapolis, MN)
“Tonya,” Doug sternly asked while seated permanently to the toilet, “why are you doing this?” “Why the fuck do you think?” “Look, whatever it is, we can work through it. You just got to be more reasonable and rational. We’re a family.” “Oh fuck that,” she shouted at him. “Fuck you! I’ve tried being reasonable. Trying to be rational with you is impossible. You are so set in doing things your way. Everything is always your way. You don’t give a fuck about me or anybody else. Instead of compromising, you lecture about me how you should be in control of things simply because you’re a stupid mother fucker!” “I’ll change.” It was bullshit, but Tonya felt 38 years of stress leaving her body as she realized she no longer needed to tolerate these mother fuckers. Her life was to be the ultimate come-back story. 5. Black Mountain
"Modern Music" 2:45
Vancouver, BC, Canada
He started to say something but Tonya grabbed his head and crammed the glue gun in his mouth and squeezed his mouth full of glue. Doug swallowed the glue, an act that prove to be far dumber than the son of a bitch wanting to take Melissa out to experience the wildlife, and far more nauseating than what Tonya must have experienced each night from having to sleep next this miserable fucking scum after him never brushing his teeth before bed. (About an hour later, Doug suffered an allergic reaction to the glue for it poisoned his stomach. Furthermore, due to the laxatives, his body needed to rapidly excrete waste, but the glue created a massive blockage in his digestive system. Instead of it being able to egress through his colon, it had to erupt from his mouth. Doug eventually started projectile vomiting blood and black bile until he died a slow painful death in the bathroom.) “I don’t fucking need you. I don’t even like you.” She looked at him for a few seconds, “I have a new love. We’re in love. We could’ve been together, been something. But no. I had to waste my time with you. We’re over, you fucking piece of shit! I don’t ever want to see you or any of these fuckers ever again.” 4. M83
Before the Dawn Heals Us
On the dining room wall of the Barnes’ house hung a photo of Doug and Tonya on their wedding day. That day, they looked so happy. Both wore great smiles and each had considered that greatest day of their life at the time. The photo brought back good memories the two had together. However, it was a far reach as to what was going on now.
Somewhere in the back of their minds, that image burned. The flames of what once defined happiness blazed in their memory banks. As what once was considered proper family etiquette, something that would violate a Commandment that Moses never conjured: Thou shalt not achieve happiness at the expense of others. Throughout the course of history, those not regarded as equals, those considered lesser than their unworthy peers, have always overthrown the oppressors- often utilizing the same brutal tactics in which they had been previously enslaved. One day, and this should come sooner than later, the world will have to evaluate every aspect of life to determine whether or not all things living are receiving fair and equal treatment. For those who are not, the human should reconsider the effectiveness of discriminatory principles or else a revolt will certainly ensue.
3. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
"Life in L.A." 6:43
Los Angeles, CA
Unfortunately, too many people put too much trust into other people’s expertise. Had more people questioned the logic behind religion and capitalism, the two concepts may have failed much sooner and people would have been able to engage in their natural behavior patterns earlier in time. However, these two concepts were successful at controlling all the aspects that could dictate logical thinking patterns, i.e. fear of going to hell, fear of being homeless, etc. How would the world have been if these concepts never existed? Did they exist on other planets?
The amount of people who simply believed everything that was taught to them without question was alarming, because so many sources created so many widely-accepted yet untested beliefs, and most of them proved false. Had more people researched the origination of these foolish concepts, confusion coupled with catastrophe could have been eliminated sooner.
But, who could a person trust for expertise and advice in 2005? Where could a person like Tonya Barnes go to seek the answers as to what actually was right or wrong? All the sources that originated the fabricated commonly accepted beliefs and proclaimed them to be forthright without exceptions all had serious issues.
The tabloids claimed everybody was interested in Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. WRONG! can’t trust them. Plus, they were controlled by religious/capitalist standards.
The radio assumed everyone was interested in bands like Linkin Park. Nope, wrong again! Plus, they were controlled by religious/capitalist standards. Television was completely fascinated with reality shows- proving that an extreme lack of intelligence dominated the command of society’s ruler. Therefore, television could not be trusted, nor could any of their commercials against drug use, abortion, ideas for parenting, or any other conservative trite. Furthermore, TV channel spokespersons were all hired by the same corporation and in order to get hired they had to meet that station’s hiring requirements. Meaning: although their faces and names were slightly different, all newscasters, broadcasters, sports announcers, or any other television personality given airtime to express their opinion (an untested commonly accepted existing belief), these people were all the exact same. Ditto for radio broadcasters. Plus, they were controlled by religious/capitalist standards.
The Bible insinuated the Earth was the center of the universe and all things orbited the Earth. Furthermore, when Italian astrologist Galileo Galilei disproved this ridiculous notion by discovering Jupiter had moons that orbited it rather than the Earth, he was wrongfully placed under house arrest. Therefore, the Bible was definitely not a reliable source, nor a very humane at that- contrary to what it is supposed to dictate. Plus, it was (“they” if you include the church) controlled by religious/capitalist standards.
The government claimed Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and was plotting to destroy America. Well, they lied too. Plus, they were controlled by religious/capitalist standards. This organization lied about everything, and unfortunately also had the most power.
So, who could a person honestly trust? Furthermore, what else was false? What else had the American people been deceived to believe is the truth and in fact is not? What else have they lied about? And why?
That’s the confusion that comes with change, and that’s the confusion why so many people resist the change for it disrupts everything they were ever taught to believe.
2. Sam Prekop
Who's Your New Professor
“Where’s April,” he asked trying to sound commanding but with a mouthful of glue. “I glued that stupid ass doll of hers to wall. She’s probably in her room trying to get it off. Here, I’ll go get her for you.” She left the bathroom. Doug sat there trying to think of a way out. Darrin and Dakota were stuck to each other and in the bathtub. Tonya came back holding only April’s head by her hair in one hand and the knife she used to cut off in the other. April’s headless body remained on her bed with blood oozing all over floor and completely ruining the carpet the Barnes was still making monthly installments with 9.7% interest on. “Here’s your dog shit eating retard. She takes after you. I’ll put here so you can always see her.” Tonya glued April’s head to the wall directly in front of Doug as to where they were facing each other. Blood dripped on the floor. Doug tried desperately to get free, but it was no use. “There,” she said as she was exiting, “now you can all be a happy family together.” “What’s going on here,” Bean had walked in. “I knocked and nobody answered. Melissa’s stuck to the wall.” “Hey hon,” she shouted, “why don’t you come on out? Bean’s here.” Tonya looked extremely happy. Her smile was gorgeous, and there was a sparkle in her eye that had been suppressed for decades. Once her spirit became fully free, she looked more beautiful than ever. She had been living a lie, conforming to something that had no right to even exist, and a natural form of beauty in its most elegant form was finally revealed...although tarnished. #1. Flotation Toy Warning
"Donald Pleasance" 9:28
Bluffer's Guide to the Flight Deck
Bean walked back into the bathroom and froze when he saw the scene. Doug stuck to the toilet. Darrin and Dakota panicking trying to get apart. April’s head glued to the wall and blood dripping all over the floor. He even noticed the trail of the blood leading into here from all the way upstairs. Bean turned around and Tonya forcefully lunged the enormous knife into his face and he dropped to the ground twitching. Tonya then glued the knife into Bean’s face so it could not be removed. Strangely, Bean survived the stab, and the glue stopped the bleeding. However, if the knife was ever removed, Bean would have died instantly. That’s a whole another story, but the media made a spectacle out of it and the whole thing turned political as to whether or not Bean should be allowed to decide for himself whether or not to have the knife removed. “Hey Bean,” Tonya said, “Would you like a glass of cranberry juice? Doug, get your lazy ass off the shitter and get Bean a glass of cranberry juice.” Tonya washed her hands and packed some of her things. She punched the gas in her minivan rode off into the sunset and has not been seen or heard from since. Coincidentally, Tristen later disappeared without a trace like he always wanted. Tonya finally realized she was not the way she thought she was.
END CREDITS. Flotation Toy Warning
"Even Fantastica" 7:29
Bluffer's Guide to the Flight Deck
Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal
None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.
Band info and images by rateyourmusic.com
Playlists created at 8tracks
Special thanks to Magnet magazine best of 2005 issue
Top Image by: http://www.poynter.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/nypost1.jpg
Bottom Image by: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/000/130/disaster-girl.jpg