Part 1: Family Values in America
Part 2: The Oblivious Barnes Family
Part 3: The Lunch That Changed Everything
Part 4: Chickens are Extinct
Part 5: Masturbation is a Sin!
Part 6: Cracks in the Foundation
Part 7: Dr. Shaw's Party & The Aftermath That Ensued
Part 8: Disaster Finally Strikes
Part V: Masturbation is a Sin!
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
100. Robert Rodríguez
"Sin City" 1:55
San Antonio, TX
The following day, Sunday, the entire family went out again. This time: church. At church, Tonya once again took notice of everybody else for a change. She noticed everybody knelt and did a Hail Mary before sitting down, and thought that was sort of “dumb”. She also noticed how everybody present basically did the same tedious bullshit week in and week out and more than likely were only there because they felt they had to be. That day in church, she was desperately in need of spiritual guidance. A situation had arisen and she needed answers; she had to know, for sure, if it was a sin to masturbate. Although she had vowed never to do it again her pussy begged for attention again and she couldn’t help but finger herself in the shower thinking about Tristen.
Out Of Breach (Manchester's Revenge)
She was curious who she was supposed to ask and how she was going to go about doing it; she couldn’t exactly confront the priest after mass and say, “father, here lately my muff’s been constantly stimulated and I can’t help but fondle it whenever it is. Oh, and it’s not my husband who makes me this way. In fact, I’m not sure if I’m even attracted to him. I’m extremely attracted to this much younger schizophrenic boy I work with and just thinking about him gets my hormones in a frenzy.”
98. Weird War
"See About Me" 3:53
Illuminated by the Light
Tonya recalled hearing Rick and a few other people at work discussing that everybody masturbates. When she first heard them, she thought that it was sick and utterly disgusting.
“I don’t,” she sternly told them creating an uncomfortable silence in lunchroom.
Now, everything they said was beginning to make sense. They were even making crude jokes about how masturbating is even better than sex. It was all men talking and therefore all the kidding was in reference to women. For example: “the best part of jacking off is when you’re finished you don’t have to cuddle and pretend you like anybody. You just wipe your dick off on an old sock and then go watch basketball.”
97. M. Ward
"Big Boat" 2:46
So maybe everybody did jack off. She looked around the church and wondered if this statement were true.
As she studied each individual in the church, she…
• Questioned whether or not he/she masturbated
• Wondered how often each individual masturbated
• Grew curious of what type of fantasies he/she masturbated to
• Tried to picture the expression on his/her face when they had an orgasm
She suddenly laughed out loud in the middle of the sermon.
Then, she grew curious if the priest masturbated and if he indeed fantasized about molesting altar boys.
Then she looked over at Doug and wondered how often he masturbated. She was real curious about who he fantasized about. Did he only masturbate to her? She hoped not because otherwise she would have felt even guiltier. Finally, she glanced around the church to see if there were any cute boys present. There were a couple of them that were decent, but none as cute as Tristen.
Unfortunately, she failed to approach the priest afterwards because she didn’t want Doug and her children to know she had taken up masturbating as a full-time hobby. She’d done it three times now and thinking about it now was getting her horny again.
96. The Boy Least Likely To
"Fur Soft As Fur" 3:30
The Best Party Ever
As they left church, and on the way home in the car, it was dead quiet until Tonya’s curiosity got the best of her.
“When you masturbate, what do you think about?” She came right out and asked. Besides Melissa, every person in the car had an awkward feeling come over them. Well, maybe Melissa too for she woke up and started crying.
“What?” Doug was totally shocked that she just asked that.
“I was just curious. Rick and everybody at work were joking around and they said everybody did it. So, I was just curious.”
“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” said Doug defensively, “because I don’t do it.”
“Yeah,” announced Dakota, as if he would know, “the only people who do that are losers who can’t get it anywhere else.”
“That’s right,” Doug affirmed.
“So Dakota,” Tonya inquired, “you can get it other places?”
Darrin remained silent during this conversation.
“This is not something we talk about on Sundays,” Doug affirmed.
95. David Gray
"From Here I Can Almost See The Sea" 3:37
Life in Slow Motion
For reasons unknown, some person came up with the notion that the entire universe was created in six days. On the 7th day, Sunday, God rested. Therefore, everybody else should rest too, even though God earned his rest by creating an entire universe- a far greater task than making a few corned beef sandwiches. The day was to be completely dedicated to God, the God described in the Bible used in Christianity. On Sundays, nothing taboo was to ever be discussed in certain communities. Religion was a peculiar subject in those days. It had become obvious that many things in The Bible were false. However, many people still clung to those beliefs. On the other hand, while most became atheists, several others discounted The Bible but continued to believe in God.
94. Archer Prewitt
"Go Away" 4:56
Frankfort, KY/Chicago, IL
Moses was the #1 reason organized religion was so frowned upon. Nobody ever bothered to do a background check on Moses. He claimed to have split the Red Sea and when God put the Sea back, gigantic waves rolled in and killed all the Egyptians. So much for God loving everybody equally. He also claimed that God came down and told him the 10 commandments in which all persons were supposed to live by. If God had something that important to announce, why would God only tell Moses this and nobody else? Also, Moses is also the one who stated God hates gay people and people have to live their life in a certain way or else God will get angry. However, Moses once killed somebody, and there was no documentation any place else other than The Bible that implied the Egyptians had held the Israelis as slaves.
Then along came Jesus, considered by most to be the actual son of God. Unlike Moses, Jesus told everybody to love their enemies. Jesus rescued a prostitute from a mob and set her free. Jesus set out to overthrow the high church and the empire of the Roman government. Even when he was crucified in a most brutal fashion, he begged God to forgive those who had just brutalized him.
The years didn’t start all over the year Moses was born. Moses’ birthday isn’t the biggest holiday of the year. In fact, most probably don’t even know when Moses’ birthday even was. Why did people refer to Jesus as the son of God, but more so practiced Moses’ beliefs? Simply put, Jesus was a Communist and Moses was fascist.
It should also be known that Jesus banned the lenders from the church. This was proof that Jesus more than likely would not have supported capitalism and would have opposed the cause in which the United States fought and killed innocent civilians in order to preserve economic wealth and military strength. He sought to abolish bureaucracy in the church and economic empires, which meant the slogan “God Bless America” was malevolent and counterfeit. Furthermore, rather than squarely pin the blame on government and organized religion for killing Jesus, governing officials led people to believe Jewish people were to blame for his death, creating anti-Semitism amongst religious zealots. However, Jesus himself was Jewish, which made this argument seem incomprehensible.
93. Sigur Rós
“Well, it’s a sin,” Doug ordered, “and we don’t do those things.”
Doug acted as if he was a thorough Christian, but he wasn’t. At work, around the other guys from the shop, he cursed, read pornographic E-mails, and drank occasionally. Furthermore, the way he conducted himself was hardly “Christian-like” at all. Doug was not only inconsiderate towards other people, but he often ripped people off when repairing their car by charging outlandish prices or manipulating them (women especially) into paying for repairs that weren’t needed and sometimes not performed. Jesus would never do any of these things.
To set the record straight, he masturbated too. All of his sexual fantasies involved either girls who came into his shop, this 49 year old cashier/ bar-slut from the convenient store he frequented, or Food Network’s perky star, Rachel Ray. Also, he had numerous sexual fantasies about one of the mechanics’ daughter who was only 15 years old. To his credit, she did look older than 15 and was indeed pleasantly attractive and superbly built, but he actually envisioned himself partaking is realistic sexual situations with her and stroked himself in the shower thinking about it. That was illegal to some degree and perhaps could be interpreted that Doug was somewhat of a pedophile.
At least the person Tonya had been masturbating to was of legal age and could at least drink. Doug’s fantasy girl couldn’t even drive a car yet. And, at that moment precisely, was grounded for staying out past 10:00 on a school night.
92. The Mars Volta
"The Widow" 5:51
Frances the Mute
Los Angeles, CA/El Paso, TX
Because Moses was so Hell bent on persons only being with one person, he created two commandments about it. This resulted in people falling in love with the wrong person. For the most part, people wished to love more than one person. On the contrary, those who bought into this foolishness would constrain feelings of love for another person in order to reserve them for somebody else they may like better in the future. This particular trait caused persons to identify negative aspects in people so they would not accidentally fall in love with a person they were not compatible with.
Love is the most powerful feeling one person can have for another. But thanks to Moses, love became a word that could only be devoted to a certain few. Society deemed it appropriate to love immediate family members, one or two friends, and only one member of the opposite sex.
Not loving one’s own family was considered indecorous- especially when speaking of mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and grandparents. A person could get away with not loving aunts, uncles, and cousins. Not loving male relatives was more tolerable than not loving female relatives. For instance, it was also more acceptable to not love uncles over aunts. In fact, most families have at least one uncle or one cousin who was a drunk, a loser, unemployed, or in jail- and it was widely accepted that these relatives should not be loved at all.
It was more accepted to love fewer people than to love everybody. People who said they loved everybody were usually considered freaks because saying “I love you” to another person made him/her uncomfortable. Once people reached a certain age, they stopped saying it to family members except on special occasions, or when they needed to borrow money. People said it to their spouse less frequently as they get older as well. Women enjoyed hearing it said to them more than men liked hearing it said to them. In fact, many men despise having it said to them, hated saying it, and only said it when they were trying to get some pussy.
The ironic thing about this is the fact that it is so often perceived that God is a man and he created men in the image of himself. Now since men do not like being told “I love you”, by that reconciliation, it may be apparent that God does not like being told “I love you”, either. Therefore dedicating one full day of each week just to let God know how much people love him unequivocally seems obtuse.
People who never say “I love you” are considered smashing. At times, they may be considered bitter or cold by some, but these people are perceived more positively than those who say I love you all the time.
But it is possible that society had its perception of love all wrong. Nobody undoubtedly is for sure who came up with the theory that love should be reserved to just a few, it may have existed prior to Moses. Everybody enjoyed feeling loved and maybe there would be less tension and violence in the world if people were permitted to love more than family members and one other person. What if there was no limit to how many spouses/lover any person (not just men) were allowed to have? Furthermore, what gives the government any right to dictate who gets married?
The main concern though is… “What exactly is love?” Is love an actual feeling, or did somebody invent it? How does one really know if they are in love or not? Also, there are several types of love. They way a person loves his/her mother differs from how he/she may love their spouse. Then, people love their cats. They love their cars. They love smoking hash. They love listening to The Beastie Boys. All of these have to be measured differently.
If love is in fact a deep emotion that can only be felt for a select few special people, can that be achieved from listening to The Beastie Boys? If sex is to be a measurement of love, and not just physical attraction, why is wrong to have sex with family members? Or, is love simply a representation of an extensive fondness and can exist anywhere?
Fright Makes Right
The opposite is hatred. Nobody knows when it became cool to hate, but hating things became awesome! Maybe it was because several aspects of society were so distraught they were impossible to love, such as coleslaw, the government, and television shows.
No matter how anybody looked at it, love defined by sexual attraction was something powerful. Even though people had strong feelings for many persons of the opposite gender, society deemed it appropriate for people to only love one person of the opposite sex. This has caused much tension and jealousy over the course of history, as well as a great deal of confusion. And if one (1) seemed like an impossibly low number, homosexuality was so unacceptable in mainstream society, the number of people from the same gender a person was permitted to show tenderness to was zero (0).
Can love come from physical attraction alone? After all, people have more affection for those they are physically attracted to than ugly people they were forced to spend substantial amounts of time with (in 2005, many beautiful women were married to ugly men because the ratio of pretty girls to pretty boys was overwhelming).
90. The Evens
"Minding Ones Business" 4:29
Tonya arrived to work the following Monday in a better mood than usual. She was ebullient to share with her co-workers what she had discovered over the weekend. She instantly rushed to where they were gathered to inform them of her amazing discovery. “I figured it out!,” she excitedly announced.
This was abnormal behavior for Tonya. She was never overjoyed to see her colleagues. She rarely spoke to them in a pleasant manner, if at all. “What did you figure out,” asked Sue the other nurse. She had the full undivided attention of everybody.
“I figured out,” she declared, forcefully pointing her finger with each word, “that chickens are extinct.”
Silence filled the room. Everybody gave her a strange look suggesting that perhaps she may be in need of a psychiatric evaluation and quite possibly intense shock treatment. Although Dr. Shaw covered his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing out loud, it was obvious he was laughing. Everyone else chuckled as well.
Sue was a middle aged black woman. She was considered the head nurse and the other staff members took their questions to her. Dr. Shaw had become reliant on her to carry out the most complicated tasks. She was pragmatic and possessed a no-nonsense attitude. She did have a keen sense of humor though.
“Oh really,” she said to her smiling, “and how exactly did you come up with this?”
Tonya told them her theory about how many chickens were slaughtered and consumed each year and how she ultimately arrived to this conclusion.
"Sorrow Boy" 3:43
New York, NY
Around the hospital, Tonya was perceived as a pea-brained lunkhead. As mentioned before, he co-workers referred to her as “bubblehead” when she wasn’t present. In fact, they said many things about when she wasn’t around. She was easily the least liked person there.
She never stole anything or intentionally screwed people over, people simply found her annoying and incredibly naïve to the point it was considered sheer stupidity. Furthermore, they had to watch what they said around her because she was so easily offended, she would have filed a sexual harassment suit solely on another co-worker using “obscene” language, or if she ever heard another employee discuss any sexual situation whatsoever. They still discussed these things among themselves, but excluded Tonya from their conversations.
However, Tonya was hard to avoid. She meddled into conversations periodically, and her input was unwelcome and bothersome. People often rolled their eyes at her, and discussed privately how they’d like to knock the living shit out of her someday.
That Monday on the other hand, thanks to her totally obscure chicken story, she was suddenly perceived differently.
“I believe she’s totally flipped her lid,” Sue told Dr. Shaw after Tonya left the group to tend to her patient. They heard her telling the patient the exact same story and expected the patient’s heart monitor go berserk.
“Well,” he said, “I must say I’m impressed that she thought of that on her own. Before, I wasn’t sure if there was any activity whatsoever going on in that head.”
88. Mercury Rev
"First-Time Mothers Joy (Flying)" 3:32
The Secret Migration
That whole day she comported impressively. She didn’t interrupt conversations by implying preposterous beliefs that fundamentalists referred to as logic. She didn’t recite right-wing propaganda pieces she insisted was the truth. Nor did she commend the Federal government for doing such a great job keeping society intact. Co-workers even demonstrated genuine friendliness towards her.
87. Fruit Bats
"Spelled in Bones" 3:45
Spelled in Bones
Chicago, IL/Seattle, WA
This lasted every bit of one day. The following day Darrin got sick at school at she had to cancel all of her appointments to go fetch him from school. “Why doesn’t your husband go get him?” inquired Dr. Shaw, disturbed that she cancelled all of her appointments for the day.
Now, a person doesn’t just up and change fully overnight. While Tonya was indeed experiencing changes, certain matters remained instilled for she had been groomed to conjecture proper lifestyle for 38 years. These issues commonly take some time to eradicate and do so eventually.
“I don’t know,” she said, disturbed that he even questioned that her work be more important than her family, “that’s just the way it’s done.”
“I mean,” Dr. Shaw concluded, “he’s just a mechanic. People’s lives depend on you.”
“He owns the shop though,” she informed him.
“Even more so he should have to leave. There’s other people there probably doing all the work. He probably just works at the counter and feeds people a line of bullshit in order to get them thinking they are getting a good deal when in fact he’s ripping them off.”
Once again, the two were upset with each other. Tonya was livid with him for insinuating her husband was a crook who didn’t work and his job wasn’t important. Dr. Franklin had never questioned her, so she assumed it was passable etiquette.
“Well, I have to go,” she said sternly as she upped and left to go get her 13 year old son from school, take him home, and spend the rest of the day with him.
"Center Of The World" 4:06
Chapel Hill, NC
The doctor’s perspective was speculated in this case. Unfortunately for Tonya, he had accurately nailed Doug down a tee. It wasn’t difficult to fathom for auto repair shops in those days were notorious for ripping people off. All of them were generally run the exact same, and displayed deplorable customer service.
They required people make appointments, but still burdened customers with long waits before their car was even examined. Then, they took even longer to fix the problem, if they actually corrected it. They were overpriced, and always swore something else was wrong with the vehicle other than what the customer originally came in for. The manager/owner always worked the counter, answered the phone unprofessionally, and unskillfully fidgeted with the computer.
Deceitfully, he would pressure the customer into purchasing the other “required maintenance”, and told horror stories about what may happen if the customer failed to submit. And, these places often failed to fix the problem, which caused ordinary people to spend more of their valuable time and even more of their hard earned money to correct what should have been a simple solution. To top it off, auto shop places were open whatever hours was convenient to them, not the customer. Anytime a repair was needed, the customer would have to miss work, creating an even greater financial setback.
Auto repair shops were seldom established by brilliant minded people. Rather, they were established by cheapskate mechanics who realized there was a demand for auto repair services. Instead of creating a brilliant concept to revolutionize the industry, they simply saved all their money to open a new garage and ran things exactly like their previous place of employment, but only did it so they could keep more of the profits. Furthermore, their stinginess carried over into the way they conducted business too- high prices, low wages, failure to provide mechanics with quality tools, etc.
The rest of the crew viewed Tonya’s leaving as a problem too. Her patients complained when she wasn’t present and inconvenienced about having to reschedule appointments. One patient, Lloyd Nicholls, nearly died because Tonya cancelled his appointment and he was unable to get his medication. Every single person at the clinic regarded Tonya’s profession far more important than his. They were downright sick and tired of her having to leave because he wouldn’t.
They referred to Doug as her “loser husband”, even though they had never met him. They not only despised him for making her leave anytime something was needed with the kids, but absolutely loathed the way he treated her, even though she had thought he was the perfect husband. The sole reason none of them ever got overly harsh with her for being stupid was the fact they felt sorry for her because of how big of a loser her husband was.
One time, she called in and reported she was not coming in because he was sick and he demanded she take care of him. He simply had the flu and she missed three days of work as a result. The clinic was in an uproar. “I’d tell that stupid mother fucker,” Sue strongly told Dr. Shaw, “quit your bitching and take care of yourself you fucking baby!”
It should also be known that they all thought Darrin was old enough to take care of himself once he got home. All the stories they had heard about him, and Dakota, they did not like. They found Dakota especially annoying and many vowed they would “slap the shit out that boy”.
84. The Gris Gris
"Ecks Em Eye" 3:24
For the Season
Finally, Doug’s mom was at home with Melissa during the day. She claimed she was not allowed to go to the school to pick up the kids, for the school’s policy dictated one of the parents has to do it. That was NOT a school policy and the school would have been contempt with Nancy picking up any of the kids when they were sick. It’s only a policy for the parent to appear if the visit is to discuss a behavioral problem. And that’s happened before with Dakota, three times.
Doug’s mom did not refuse to go because she was lazy, but she honestly thought that was the rule. If she had been informed otherwise, she still would have felt it was the mother’s responsibility to pick her own kids up from school and would argue that in fact should be the policy.
She could have watched Darrin when he got home and Tonya could’ve gone back to work and merely been late on her appointments. However, Nancy did not want to deal with this because she was a lazy buffoon. Also, she felt it was Tonya’s job to nurture her children when they were sick and would have scolded Tonya had she not done otherwise. Therefore, Tonya always did exactly as she stated and assumed she was always right.
When she picked up Darrin, she was still irritated at Dr. Shaw being inconsiderate to her family needs. However, she thought about what he said about her work being more important quite extensively after that.
83. The Ponys
"She's Broken" 4:42
On Friday, when she again went to Camp Washington Chili with the group. Once again, the whole group piled into Rick’s car and four people had to be smashed in the backseat. Once again, Elaine complained the whole time about it being too crowded. This time, Tonya was overjoyed to be in this position. Last time she was here, it was something entirely new to her and she wasn’t aware of the benefits. This time was different. She had spent a great deal of her time since dreaming of sexual fantasies that involved her and Tristen getting kidnapped. She masturbated anytime she was free, although that was rare at home. One day during the week, she stopped at a hotel on the way home so she could masturbate as exhilarating as she pleased. She liked to stimulate herself for lengthy periods of time.
Her assessment on the matter continued to change drastically. Although she occasionally toyed with the notion she was violating ethical code, she began to accept what she was doing. She also continued to emphatically question those codes of ethics.
Whereas last week she attempted to distance herself from Tristen, this time she took advantage of any situation that enabled her to cop a cheap feel. She acted like her leg itched and when she scratched it, she “accidentally” brushed Tristen’s with her finger extended. She was wearing open toed shoes and extended her toes to caress Tristen’s leg. She looked him over the entire duration of the trip. He was wearing a button-down shirt and she kept trying to look down it so she could see his body.
Rick turned a corner sharply and he slid into her. She utilized this opportunity to grab a hold of him to “keep him from falling”. She kept her hands on him for an extended period and sniffed his neck. Once the car returned to traveling straight, he scooted back, but Tonya shifted her body so it remained touching his.
He smelled really good. She loved the way he smelled more than anything. She loved his eyes too. She loved the way his hands felt when she pretended like she suddenly got something in her eye and brushed her hand against his. She wondered if she loved him.
He had no clue she was thinking these things and thought she was being tortured for having to sit this close to him. He tried to scoot as far from her as possible. He didn’t speak to her because he was positive she hated him. He looked over at her to see what she was doing and found her staring at him. He figured her staring was because she was getting annoyed with having to be so close to him.
“Ah, fuck off bitch,” he thought to himself when he noticed her staring, “I don’t want to sit next to your ass either. Fucking bubblehead.”
Tonya wondered how sincere her love was for Tristen. She thought about him more than anyone else. If she had to pick one person right now to spend a week with in a private cabin, it would easily be Tristen. She looked forward to the ride back when she once again cop cheap feels and gain an abundance of material to masturbate to during the upcoming week. She got so aroused in that backseat, she decided immediately she was going to have to stop at a hotel again on the way home.
Language. Sex. Violence. Other?
When she arrived at the hotel, she tried to think of an excuse for her being there just in case the clerk asked. It was the second time, and once again not even for the whole night. If asked, she’d tell the clerk her house was currently being sprayed for roaches and she needed to get ready for work. However, it was not the same person.
Also, she had to think of an excuse for being there in case Doug, or someone else she knew spotted her. She’d tell them she suddenly got dizzy in the car and needed to lie down or else she would cause an accident and kill some poor old women and all of her kids.
She entered the room and slowly removed all her clothes. She had one orgasm almost immediately after she got completely naked. But, she wasn’t fully satisfied and needed another one. She wanted to pleasure herself for at least 30-60 minutes.
The good hearted Christian mother was growing a tiresome of the kidnapping fantasy, for she had already thought of them doing it so much in that scenario. However, she was still having the guilt of being married fantasies.
Tonya imagined her work needed to send her away to some far away city for training. It just so happened, the only two people they were sending was herself and Tristen. On the plane, she sat beside Tristen only because they had assigned seating. They were civil to one another and engaged in conversations Tonya found enjoyable. She imagined him a good cook and being very knowledgeable about making custards.
They arrived at the hotel and Tonya got her room and Tristen got his. However, there had been an error and the hotel staff accidentally put them in the same room. And, to her dismay, it only had one bed. Discovering the error, she went down to the front desk to correct the situation but they were closed. She was too tired to mess with it.
As a result, she had to sleep in this one bed hotel room with Tristen. She scooted all the way over to her side of the bed fully clothed. Tristen slept only his underwear. Tonya simply ignored his hot body and fell asleep, as did he.
During the night, he accidentally rolled over to her. She was still sleeping, but he was slightly awake. She envisioned him, while both were in a lethargic state, unbuttoning her shirt and fondling her breasts. While she continued to sleep, he slipped his hand into her panties and cooed her clit until she had an orgasm. Then, as he attempted to pull her pants down, she unconsciously rolled over, causing them and her panties to slip down.
At that moment of her fantasy, she was laying on her side sound asleep with her pants and panties pulled down with her bare bottom exposed to Tristen’s sexuality. He too was asleep, but he unintentionally rolled over to where his body was pressed against hers. His dick had slipped out of his underwear and accidentally slid into her impassioned love hole. They fucked until she had eleven orgasms while the both of them were sleeping. When they awoke, neither remembered anything.
It was a two week training class and, every day, there was either a line at the desk or nobody there. So, she was stuck having to sleep in that room with Tristen each night.
"Dearly Departed" 4:07
Santa Monica, CA
In reality, Tonya had created a gigantic cum spot on the hotel’s comforter and it was getting late. She accidentally lost track of time and had been masturbating for well over an hour and had seven orgasms in that period. Tonya’s orgasms were extraordinary. They continued to be far more intense than a normal woman’s. Also unusual was the fact her orgasms shot out similar to how a man’s orgasm shoots from his penis. Had she been discovered by the porno industry, even though she was older, not perfectly built, or as attractive as the typical porn star, she would be a star and her status would be “porn queen” based solely on the intensity of her orgasms.
80. The Superimposers
Tonya got home late and Doug questioned her. She told him she got stuck in traffic and he scolded and antagonized her for being a bad driver like the rest of the women. Then complained he was hungry and the house was a mess.
She was getting fed up with his antics, and he annoyed her more each day. She was sick and tired of being his servant. She was debilitated with the whole routine of constantly servicing not only Doug, but Bean, and those stupid-ass, ungrateful kids too. It was increasingly agitating that anytime she wanted to masturbate, one of those blockheads would expect her to do something for them they were plenty capable of doing themselves.
The family not respecting her annoyed her too. It infuriated her when they, especially Doug and Dakota, treated her as if she were stupid. Once again, Doug retorted to bringing up the Land O Lakes butter incident and informed everybody how dumb mom was for buying all that butter when it was on sale.
Melissa had become a major annoyance. That despicable child cried non-stop. She recalled a story she once heard on the news about a woman who drowned her kids in a lake. She figured those kids must have mirrored Melissa. She also questioned whether or not abortion was as immoral fundamentalists made it out to be. Who said it was wrong, and why should she have to take heed in anything this person said?
She was tired of not mattering. It never occurred to any of them what was important to her. Nothing she did for herself would ever be satisfactory to them. Any hobby she’d ever want to have, they would ridicule. Her family never showed any interest in things she may find entertaining. She declared she was finding a new hobby and investing more time in herself regardless of what her family thought.
Being in a state of frustration, especially after being “told” to get dinner started immediately, because “everyone’s here starving while you’re out dilly dallying around on the highway”, she thought of what Dr. Shaw told her. She realized that he was right in that regards too. Doug was just a mechanic. She went to college. She’s smarter than he is. Why should she have to take orders from him? Who said he was in charge of anything and why should she have to listen to that person?
79. Bloc Party
"So Here We Are" 3:53
A powerful statement about gaining self-confidence despite defying popular opinion: Popular opinion was compulsorily being instilled by lackluster tyrants who claimed to have expertise in dictating fashion trends in mainstream society.
However, the viewpoints depicted by these so-called gurus were often considered pathetic by any person with above-average intelligence. There were two incidents that proved America was growing uninterested in what the corporate media was trying to force-feed them. Both involved how intelligent Americans completely shun popular tabloid magazines such as People, Star, or Us. These magazines, which dominated the newsstands in the check-out aisles of virtually every business in operation and glamorized the lifestyles of celebrities they thought to be fascinating. The celebrities they found the most fascinating however, normally appeared in horrendous films, made awful music, and appealed primarily to idiots.
Case #1 involved their obsession with the relationship between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. The two of them accurately fit the description of the image these magazines were attempting to convey as the essence of beauty. Although Ben Affleck had been previously involved in some creative work (Good Will Hunting, Chasing Amy), he began appearing in absolutely atrocious films (Reindeer Games, Pearl Harbor). Jennifer Lopez was not only a bad actress, but an abhorrent singer as well.
The couple was on the cover of every single magazine, every single week, and it was impossible to go anywhere without seeing them. The media was positive the American public found these two not only beautiful, but fascinating as well. They seriously believed every single person in America was unreservedly interested in every aspect of these two celebrities’ lives.
But, as with their “15 tips to drive him crazy in bed” and their predictions of this year’s fashion trends, they were absolutely wrong. One film company bought into the propaganda and spent millions of dollars for the two to star in a movie together. The movie, Gigli, was released in the midst of the hype and according to these tabloids, was going to be the greatest thing to ever hit the big screen. The tabloids ultimately found out the hard way society had little to no interest in what they were selling. Gigli was an enormous bust at the box office, costing investors millions of dollars, and is often considered one of the top 10 worst movies ever made. And those who did waste money to see it in the theatre, was considered dumbasses by the vast majority. In fact, those persons who actually read these magazines were generally considered dumbasses.
Despite all of Gigli’s failures, every single store continued to display these moronic tabloid magazines at every single check-out aisle forcing people to be exposed to this senseless tripe. Most people found them stupid and very few people actually purchased these magazines. It was incomprehensible these publications were making any profit. Therefore, a conspiracy existed that the government strategically placed them in the forefront in an attempt to better control people’s thinking patterns. Furthermore, literary magazines that targeted intelligent people and promoted free-thinking or “alternative” lifestyles were seldom carried or kept in the back.
78. Hudson Bell
"Slow Burn" 7:58
When the Sun Is the Moon
San Francisco , CA
When Sunday rolled around, everybody in the Barnes’ family readied for church except Tonya. They were completely dressed in their finest clothes and ready to walk out the door when Doug noticed Tonya sitting on the couch in her pajamas.
“You need to get ready for church,” he told her.
“I’m not going today,” she told him as she was flipped around the remote control.
“I just don’t feel like going,” she answered and then went back to watching television.
Doug stared at her dumbfounded and was obviously upset.
“Tonya, you don’t just miss church,” he told her as if she had to go.
“You guys just go ahead,” she told them.
There was a pause and then Doug concluded, “all right, but I’m not happy about this.” They all left.
As soon as they left, Tonya felt a sigh of relief. She glanced out the window and waited to see Doug’s SUV leave the driveway. Surprisingly, they took Melissa, and Doug struggled to get her car seat attached. Once he finally did, they left. Since Melissa was born, that was the first time Doug had ever taken her anywhere without Tonya.
Tonya went back upstairs to the bedroom, slipped off her panties, and fingered herself to climax fantasizing about being stranded at that hotel with Tristen. She fantasized about the entire two week stay in which they accidentally had sex 16 times.
77. A Silver Mt. Zion
"Teddy Roosevelt's Guns" 9:45
Horses in the Sky
Montréal, QC, Canada
Once she fulfilled her orgasm, she decided to go shopping. She got dressed and went to the mall. Doug was very peculiar about how she spent her money and she was already in a jam because she spent money on a hotel room twice. But, she didn’t care. The way she looked at, she worked for her money and if Doug wanted to tell her how she could spend it then he could go to the clinic and do all of her work. She doubted he was capable. He was getting on her nerves.
She went to a clothing store and found a sexy outfit she adored. Upon trying it on, she realized she looked marvelous. She had never attempted to look sexy before for she didn’t think she fit the profile of what it meant to be beautiful. But, she definitely looked gorgeous in this outfit.
The clothes she wore were mediocre. They weren’t dirty or overly outdated, but they weren’t exactly the latest fashions either. Furthermore, they were inexpensive because Doug wouldn’t allow her to spend much money on clothes, especially if he needed new tools to make cornhole boards.
This outfit was incredible. She imagined how sexy Tristen would find her in it. As she stood looking at herself in the dressing room, she took notice to her entire body and was actually happy with her appearance for the first time ever. Her breasts were naturally larger than average girls, she remained moderately trim, although not exactly skinny. She guessed most men would find her seductive and assumed she honestly had a legitimate chance of someday landing Tristen in bed.
She purchased the outfit and almost kept it on. As she walked around the mall, she checked out other guys. She attempted to make eye contact with as many men as possible in order to see if they would look back at her. Although her success rate was not 100%, a few guys looked back at her including one cute one. She noticed this man sitting on a bench awaiting his wife to exit a store and sat next to him really close.
She had never experienced these feelings of sexuality before. Nobody ever told she was beautiful. But that day, she felt sexy and had an urge to be alluring to other people.
"Songs from Under the Arches" 10:21
Fires in Distant Buildings
She entered a hobby store to find something new to consume her time. She conjured an idea in which she could design crafts using a hot glue gun. While she gathered materials and other various items she saw the store was having a special sale on hot glue today. She recalled the Land O Lakes butter incident. “Fuck Doug,” she thought to herself.
She found a clerk and told her that she wished to purchase a full case of the hot glue that was on sale.
“But ma’am,” the clerk said puzzled, “there are 50 packs of hot glue in a case.”
“Just 50?” she said with a smile, thinking of Doug, “well, make it two cases then.”
She paid for the glue and the rest of her items with her credit card, which would have had Doug in a frenzy. A store employee offered to cart the cases of glue out to her car on a dolly and Tonya obliged. It was a male and on the way to the car she asked him if he liked her outfit in the bag in which he declared he did. She contemplated seducing him in the backseat, but elected not to.
On the way home, she was in disbelief that she actually pondered having sex with that person. She wandered what she would have done had he have came onto her. She also wandered why she suddenly had these frequent sexual urges. She figured she was either:
A.) Sexually deprived and in desperate need of sexual satisfaction.
B.) Feeling sexy and overly confident for noticing how great she looked in that outfit.
C.) Having these thoughts because she was annoyed with her husband.
D.) Possessed by a demon and in need of an exorcism.
E.) Under the influence of some date-rape drug that one of her co-workers had put in her drink, #1 suspect- Dr. Shaw.
Either way, temptation overwhelmed her and she pulled down a side street so she could masturbate in the car. It was obvious she had become addicted to masturbating. She wandered if it was just a phase because it was something new or if everybody masturbated this often. She would like to have taken a survey to learn more about other people’s masturbating habits. Unfortunately, it was perceived so negatively in society, there wasn’t even anybody she could comfortably discuss it with. Furthermore, most people would lie and claim they rarely masturbate and it’s only when they have no other option.
But truth be known, most people did masturbate this frequently, especially when they first discovered all its glories. Tonya had gone longer than most without experiencing orgasm and therefore thoroughly enjoyed the feeling more. Plus, she was in her 30’s, her sexual prime, and it was normal for women this age to masturbate even more frequently than Tonya considering the fact that a majority of men were unable to fully satisfy a woman regularly.
When she got home, the rest of the family had already returned and had been home for quite some time. This is where the demise of the Barnes’ family officially began.
Bottom Image: http://www.steadyhealth.com/130837/Image/thumb_masturbation.jpg