The Best of 1973 Part 2

The Best Music of 1973 + Dusk to Dawn Grindhouse Anthology by Tony J. Neal
Feature 1: 30 Days in a Ho'
Feature 2: Hate Boat
Feature 3: Together Forever
Feature 4: Space Hookers & The Cowboys of Texarkana
Feature 5: Symporium (Midget Exploitation)
Feature 6: Sugar Daddy of Death

Feature 2: Hate Boat

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

130. Bobby Womack
"Lookin' For a Love"  2:39
Lookin' For a Love Again
Cleveland, OH

They all boarded the cruise ship en route to Paradise. Time spent on this ship was to be filled with pleasure and enjoyment. There were lots of happy couples celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, their kids leaving home, great grandma finally kicking the bucket, and possibly to encounter a few interesting swingers. It was also an ideal place for eligible bachelors to meet single ladies, cheating wives, or fat nasty ugly bitches who will put out for anybody. Romance filled the air; festivities were abundant, as people embarked with smiles. Welcome aboard the Cruise Ship St. Lucifer (the “I” in Lucifer is dotted with a heart).

129. Marvin Gaye
"If I Should Die Tonight"  4:00
Let's Get It On
Washington, DC (1939)- Los Angeles, CA (1984)

Immediately upon settling into their room, Martina was tired and needed to take a nap. Her husband, Douglas Frazier, was feeling energetic and invaded the deck for a few cocktails. While sipping on a pina colada, he noticed Diane sitting at the bar all alone. His wife was sleeping and this was not intended to be anything more than a casual flirt. Douglas approached her, sat beside her, and bought her a drink. The two sat and talked for hours. Diane was beautiful and Douglas felt as if the two were making a serious connection; felt something more when she brushed her foot against his leg. When the conversation turned to how much Diane enjoyed anal intercourse, Douglas had completely forgotten about his wife Martina and could only fantasize about following Diane back to her cabin for hot intense anal intercourse. “I like anal intercourse too,” Douglas told Diane, with a serious intense look on his face, “I plow like a savage.”

128. Black Oak Arkansas
"Jim Dandy"  2:43
High on the Hog
Black Oak, AR

Martina was awaked by guest services; a hot bodied midget nicknamed Jim Dandy. He claimed he was only there to ensure her cabin was properly equipped with towels and bathroom essentials; she stuck her hand on his throbbing midget cock to ensure he was properly equipped. “I’ve never fucked a midget before,” she said as she allowed her robe to drop on the floor, “and I think my pussy needs more servicing than those towels in the bathroom.” Jim Dandy did not waste any time, ran over to her quickly, and munched on her hairy box…they were both standing and he barely had to bend over to suck on her pussy. The midget threw her on the floor, ripped off his clothes, and fucked her doggy style while he pulled her hair. They fucked in several positions all over the cabin until Jim Dandy finally blew his wad all over Martina’s tits.

127. Emerson, Lake & Palmer
"Karn Evil 9: 1st Impression, Pt. 1 & 2"  8:43 + 4:46
Brain Salad Surgery
Bournemouth, England

(Part 1) Douglas followed Diane back to her cabin. She locked the door and they immediately began making out. Douglas instantly inserted his hand down the back of her pants and fingered her asshole. He shoved her against the wall; his front was facing her back, as he kissed her neck from behind with his arms around her waist unbuttoning her pants. Douglas was so excited and ready to go to work—plus he felt as if he had to rush a bit in case his wife was to wake up. Diane stood up against the wall and pulled down her pants and panties down while Douglas removed his cock. He eagerly grabbed her ass, pushed her back against the wall and inserted his cock into her asshole. Just like he said he would, Douglas “plowed like a savage”, thrusting hard and fast, squeezing Diane by the back of the hair, saying ridiculous things to her in-between moans… “Your ass ever felt a cock like this… bitch!” Oh, talk dirty to me. After 1:52 seconds of intense plowing, Douglas pulled out and jizzed all over her ass.

After he came, Diane had a surprise awaiting Douglas. She whipped out her cock and it was significantly larger than Douglas’. Diane slammed Douglas against the wall, yanked down his pants, and penetrated her 10” cock into his virgin ass. Clutching his hair, she exclaimed, “I plow like a savage too…bitch!”

(Part 2) See the show! The extravaganza was spectacular as a flamboyant festival was taking place on deck for the first day at sea. All of the passengers attended and it was a dynamic party full of music, drinking, booze, drugs, and everything imaginable. This particular cruise ship did not enforce Nazi regulations and allowed the passengers to use cocaine and other illicit drugs while on board. Douglas and Martina re-united, each with a secret that they dared not discuss, and met the acquaintances of several new people who were also passengers on the ship. Jim Dandy and Diane were both present as well, and only glanced sly smiles but did not reveal their crimes of passion. By the end of the evening, Douglas and Diane had made friends with dozens of people who they now knew on a first name basis. It was OK to casually flirt here, dance erotically with strangers, and run around scantily dressed in skimpy bikinis and short shorts…or in Douglas’ case, walk around bow-legged and claim the injury was from falling overboard.

126. The Beach Boys
"California"  3:21
Hawthorne, CA

Daytime on the cruise ship was full of relaxation and enjoyment. The weather was hot and all passengers were on vacation. People gathered and socialized over fruity cocktails and games such as shuffleboard, card games, and a version of the drinking game “quarters” (only instead of having to “drink,” they had to do a line). Many women lay out in the sun catching the rays, with many of them removing their tops completely allowing their fine breasts to enjoy some sunshine as well. A few of these ladies laid out completely nude. Some took the liberties of all the other offerings on the ship, such as a massage, a manicure, or attending the shows on deck. It was tropical paradise as onlookers would gaze off the observation deck enjoying the spectacular view of the soothing ocean.

125. Seals & Crofts
"Nine Houses"  6:54
Diamond Girl
Cisco, TX

Linda ordered “The Manny Special.” She entered the room with nothing but a towel wrapped around her and lay on the massage table. Manny entered wearing white pants and his polo shirt neatly tucked in; he was a 6’2” Latino hunk from Havana. Upon entering, he told her how beautiful she looked, how this was going to be his most special Manny Special ever, and she should be totally relaxed. He rubbed her shoulders, rubbed her feet, ankles, legs, massage oil, worked her neck, then spread her legs apart and ripped off her towel. With one swift move, Manny was totally naked and had an 11” cock. She raised her bare ass in the air and allowed Manny to squeeze her cheeks, massage her crack, and massage that wet spot in-between her legs. The special Manny massage oil for this portion of the massage came especially from Manny’s tongue as he licked her asshole and ate her pussy. He then propped her up to where she was on her hands and knees on the massage table, grabbed her hair, and guided her head onto his eager shaft which she deep throated blissfully. Manny lifted Linda in the air, and held her while he fucked her in the upright position; held her upside down for a 69, then fucked her upside down. He was standing, holding her legs into the air, while her recently massaged back was lying on the floor; he came all over her face and carelessly dropped her to the floor—her cum covered head slammed against the hardwood.

124. 10cc
"Donna"  2:58
Manchester, England

Shane was standing by the bar enjoying a drink, just scoping out the scene. Donna, a woman he had never met, took a seat in the reclining lawn chair on the deck next to him. The two did not speak, but Donna lay back in the seat to get a sun tan. Arching her back, she untied her bikini and stripped off her top. Shane remained standing beside her and watched her undress and she pretended as if he wasn’t even there. While he drank, he could not help but keep glancing over to gaze at her succulent nipples. Sensing she was being watched, Donna untied her bottom and lay in the sun totally nude. She even spread her legs so that Shane could see her wet open vagina. He remained seated in this seat, silently, copping stares at Donna’s hot naked body until he couldn’t take it anymore…mother fucker had no business in this area of the boat, and people were waiting on him to meet for lunch.

123. Jorge Ben
"Vendedor de Bananas/Cosa Nostra/Bicho do Mato"  6:29
10 Anos Depois
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

The band played on deck, and people danced and listened to the music. Upon staring at Donna’s naked body for several hours, realizing he was late to meet his friends for lunch, and after Donna became obviously stricken with sun poisoning, Shane rushed to his cabin so he could masturbate while everybody else was enjoying the dancing. The cleaning walked in and caught him jacking off in the bathroom. She was another hot Latino woman and her uniform was sexy. At first, she scolded Shane for being crude in the bathroom and not locking the door. After Shane explained the situation honestly, the cleaning lady declared that she had nicer tits than that bitch on deck, and pulled open her blouse revealing them. Shane sucked on her nipples, and she dropped down and wrapped her large DD fake breasts around Shane’s throbbing cock…then sucked it until he came all over her titties. Shane returned to the festivity and seemed to be dancing the happiest.

122. Paul Simon
"Tenderness"  2:56
There Goes Rhymin' Simon
Newark, NJ

Douglas returned to Diane’s cabin. The mood was different this time. Diane had only wished to anal rape Douglas, and succeeded. But, Douglas thoroughly enjoyed it. He told her that he did not mind that she was a transvestite and she could be open with him. Furthermore, he was also drawn to her personality and sensed that maybe he wanted more than just sex. But, he still wanted sex too and begged her to fuck his tight hairy ass again, only this time more gently. For this anal intercourse excursion, Diane inserted her cock into Douglas’ ass and made sweet love to him, rubbing his back, kissing his lips, and cumming inside him while she reached around and stroked his cock.

121. Sandy Denny
"Whispering Grass"  3:46
Like an Old Fashioned Waltz
London, England (1947-1978)

Martina had been sneaking away frequently and requesting services from maintenance. Jim Dandy was assigned to her cabin and was always welcomed with a treat whenever he arrived to fulfill Martina’s requests. The midget fucked the housewife in their cabin an average of 3-5 times a day for the next couple days. Often when they were done having sex, Jim Dandy would lay in the bed with her, coax her with insincere compliments, massage her, and they would engage in several minutes of meaningless conversation. Within three days on board the ship, they had fucked in every possible position, that midget cock had been in every hole, in-between her titties, and he had blown his wad all over several portions of her body. Furthermore, with their conversations, he had delved into her social life and knew a multitude of her secrets and all the aspects of her personality.

120. Don Covay
"Somebody's Been Enjoying My Home"  6:16
Super Dude I
Orangeburg, NC

The couple returned home and Martina noticed that Douglas seemed to be walking funny. He lied and claimed that he fell through a beach chair. When they went inside the cabin, Martina went to the bathroom to shower and clean up, leaving Douglas all alone in the rest of the cabin. He spotted a stray pubic hair on the bed and hoped that there were no signs of Diane there. After examining the pubic hair, he realized the hair did not belong to him; he measured it against one of his own pubes and it did not match. It did not belong to Diane either because she was clean shaven. Douglas walked around the cabin and concluded that his wife had been having another man in the cabin…there were indications of this everywhere. Jim Dandy had used his toothbrush, his razor, drank his beer, and all sorts of other things. This angered Douglas, but he had a secret of his own. However, he interrogated his wife anyway, who denied everything. Douglas slapped her across the face (which made a loud “smack” noise and she fell to the bed in agony) and stormed out of the room.

119. Willie Nelson
"You Look Like the Devil"  3:28
Shotgun Willie
Austin, TX

He was sick of her shit anyway. Douglas contemplated returning to the cabin, but saw her crying in the window and regarded her as a stupid whore. Furthermore, he had Diane now, and that bitch Martina was nothing but a useless slut. Thinking about their relationship, she was always a tease, flaunting her sultry assets, and constantly flirting with other guys. The thought of all this sickened him; he had been married to a cheating bitch for the past several years. At once, he realized he hated her, hated whoever had been fucking her—while at the same time he realized he enjoyed having his ass pounded by a well endowed transvestite.

118. Frank Zappa
"Fifty-Fifty"  6:08
Over-Nite Sensation
Baltimore, MD (1940)-Los Angeles, CA (1993)

An extravagant ball was being held on the premier deck in which Douglas attended. He walked around, drinking heavily, studying the pubic hair he kept in his pocket attempting to decipher who on this ship it actually belonged to. Douglas tried to dance and remain merry, but found himself growing more bitter. Each man he saw, he suspected that this person had been fucking his wife. While getting a beer, he held up the pubic hair behind whoever was standing in front of him. There were numerous suspects on board this ship, and the pubic hair seemed to match about half of the passengers. The vision of any of these passengers fucking his wife and leaving this stray pubic hair on his bed infuriated him. Somebody was going to pay for this mistake and he would stop at nothing until he resolved who this pubic hair belonged to. If the odds were more than 50/50, they were receiving the due punishment they deserved.

117. O.V. Wright
"Ghetto Child"  3:35
Memphis Unlimited
Leno, TN (1939)-Mobile, AL (1980)

Rodriguez worked in room service delivering food to the rooms. He had grown up poverty stricken in some third world country. The poor degenerate boarded the ship expecting a better life than that crappy ghetto his people claimed to be a nation. Douglas immediately had suspicions, doubts, and prejudice towards Rodriguez. “These people don’t know any standards,” he thought. En route to delivering a meal on a silver platter with a lid, Douglas hid behind a corner and awaited him. When Rodriguez was made his way down the corridor, Douglas jumped from behind the corner, raised the axe, and swung… (Fade to black). Douglas knocked on the door, left the silver patter next to the door, and ran away. The woman scooped up the tray and carried it inside. When she opened the tray, there was no food because Douglas had eaten it all. Instead, all that was on the tray was Rodriguez’s head.

116. John Martyn
"Over The Hill"  2:55
Solid Air
New Malden, England (1948)-Kilkenny, Ireland (2009)

It was night time, Douglas stood on the observation deck staring out at the dark ocean. He was looking distraught and extremely intoxicated—drinking straight whiskey and smoking. Angrily, he was mumbling to himself about how he was going to leave that fucking disgraceful cunt and never return to his cabin ever again. FLASHBACK: After Douglas killed Rodriguez, he pulled down the delivery boy’s pants and measured the pubic hair from his bed to those of the room service clerk. The pubic hair did not match Rodriguez’s; meaning, the adulterer was still on the prowl.

115. Bob Marley & The Wailers
"I Shot the Sheriff"  4:41
Nine Mile, Jamaica (1945)-Miami, FL (1981)

Douglas was lurking in the dark near the shuffleboard station when people approached. It was the Captain of the ship walking with a hot babe wearing a tied crop top and skimpy denim shorts. They were laughing about something as they took a seat on a bench. “Let me guide your ship…Captain Cocklust,” this was an attempt to sound sexy. She untied her blouse and waved her ample titties in front of the ship’s Captain as he squeezed them and sucked on her nipples. “Let me show where I want you to navigate your ship,” she said as she was unbuttoning the Captain’s uniform pants. She pulled out his cock and eagerly went down on it, sucking it lavishly, stroking his gray pubic hair covered balls with her hand.

Douglas watched, and immediately the Captain was the primary suspect. He quietly snuck over to where she was sucking on his cock, crept quietly, and bashed the unsuspecting woman over the back of her head with a shuffleboard cue while the Captain’s stiff rod was deep inside her throat. The blunt thrashing over the head with the shuffleboard pole caused the sex crazed slut to bite down on the Captain’s dick and he screamed out in sheer agony—the penis was bitten off completely. When he screamed out in pain with his mouth wide open, Douglas flung a shuffleboard disc into his mouth, busting out all of his teeth, and the disc remained lodged into his throat. Asphyxiation was the actual cause of death for both parties; the Captain gurgled blood from his mouth while the shuffleboard disc would not dislodge; the woman spilled blood from both her head from being struck with one pole, and bled from the mouth from being forcefully gouged through the throat with a different pole—the Captain’s.

114. Sly & The Family Stone
"If You Want Me To Stay"  2:58
San Francisco, CA

Another couple went out to the deck to make out. She was wearing a short skirt and pinned her lover against the deck rail. He had his arms around her and was attempting to raise her skirt and fondle her ass. However, Douglas was the one who lifted her skirt; he was crouched down in a dark corner and raised her skirt with the shuffleboard pole. Once he raised her skirt, he maneuvered the shuffleboard to pull her panties to the side and rubbed her pussy with the tip of the pole. At the right moment, he plunged the shuffleboard cue with one end into her twat, the other in her ass, and she moaned with pleasure, kissing her lover more intensely. “Oh Johnny,” she said happily with an enormous cheesy smile, “I love having two in the pink and one in the stink.”

Johnny finally found his way over to her ass, but felt the shuffleboard pole and looked up suspiciously to see what was happening. While she was kissing him, his eyes opened wide in terror once he saw Douglas. The guy tried to warn the woman, but Douglas forced the pole deep inside her pussy and ass, lifted her in the air with the pole, and pushed both of them off the deck crashing into the Ocean. Their heads bashed up against the side of the boat, and the water turned red where they fell in.

113. Bachman-Turner Overdrive
"Let It Ride"  4:27
Bachman-Turner Overdrive II
Winnipeg, MB, Canada

On deck, the band was rocking and the passengers were dancing (during the riff and guitar solo portions of the song, images on the screen depict the band playing on stage). Douglas entered the room with the bloody shuffleboard cue in one hand and carrying several discs underneath his other arm. He stood in a corner observing the scene, analyzing potential suspects, when a man approached him and showed him a bag of marijuana. While the rest of the passengers were enjoying the rock and roll show, Douglas and this dope dealer snuck into a corridor that contained pipes and various equipment to operate the ship. Douglas was smoking the joint when the other guy tried to kiss him and then went down to suck Douglas’ dick. He took a few puffs from the joint while the guy was bobbing on his knob, then jerked him by the head and pulled him off his cock. The stare of death was applied as Douglas bashed the guy’s face in with a shuffleboard disc (blood splattered in the air with each blow of the disc to head). The band rocked upstairs. Some members of the spotted this murder and pursued after Douglas; they chased after him down the corridors containing the ship’s main equipment.

112. Banco del Mutuo Soccorso
"La città Sottile"  7:13
Io Sono Nato Libero
Marino, Italy

However, during the pursuit, Douglas plotted strategies to escape. He hid in-between two sections of machinery and awaited those chasing after him. When the first one raced down the hall, Douglas held out the pole and tripped him. Hastily, he jumped on top of the man who had fallen and plunged the two ends of the shuffleboard cue into his eyes. The second crew member attempted to apprehend Douglas from behind and they wrestled around, struggling to gain advantage. Douglas elbowed the crew member in the stomach who was holding him from behind; that severe blow knocked him backwards. Without hesitation, he launched a shuffleboard disc at him beaming him in the face. Once he dropped, Douglas attempted to strangle him with the cue clenched around his throat, but the crew member was able to break free. When he tried to run away, Douglas hit his leg, tripping him up, and he fell into an axle. EXTREME CLOSE-UP: The crew member lost balance and stumbled, screamed loudly the moment his face entered the spinning steel axels, and blood splattered everywhere. The man’s head getting mangled in the axles caused the engine to sputter and the cruise ship Saint Lucifer stopped completely in the middle of the Ocean.

111. Al Wilson
"Show and Tell"  3:30
Show and Tell
Meridian, MS (1939)-Fontana, CA (2008)

Douglas escaped, and emerged from the corridor outside onto the sun bathing deck. It was a dark night and the passengers did not even notice that boat had stopped. Two people were out on the deck preparing to have sex. They were lying in missionary position on the deck floor; the woman stopped him and demanded he wear a rubber because she did want to get pregnant. He bickered, claimed “it was all the way over there” and she told him he better find it or else he wasn’t getting any pussy. The guy stood up, wrapped a towel around him and disappeared to retrieve the condom.

Meanwhile, the woman remained lying on the ground totally naked. She rubbed her fingers through her huge bush and across her clit. Her legs were spread wide and Douglas was standing in appropriate shuffleboard distance from her which corresponded with official shuffleboard rules. He placed a disc down on the ground and propelled it towards her, displaying excellent shuffleboard technique. The disc slid across the ground rapidly and shot into the woman’s soaking wet pussy. It was shot with such force that the disc not only went completely inside her twat, but it also shot out of her chest, sending both of her titties flying into the air, and up and over the banister crashing into the ocean.

110. Carpenters
"Yesterday Once More"  3:54
Now & Then
Downey, CA

A white guy with long hair, a bushy mustache, and a 70’s style suit with his shirt unbuttoned shirt exposing his ultra hairy chest and gold medallion courted a pregnant woman into the lover’s cabin for a romantic excursion. He had lit candles, a lava lamp, mirrors on the ceiling, a multitude of other romance features, and had purchased a bottle of the finest wine. This guy was bragging to this woman that the bottle cost $800 and was the finest wine on Earth. As she sipped the elegant wine, he stripped off what he assumed was an elegant suit. “The good thing about being pregnant is you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant- right baby?” She continued to sip the wine and his naked ass took off her shoes, massaged her feet, and then sucked her toes. He propped her legs up, spread across the ottoman and end table, then lifted up her skirt—she wasn’t wearing any panties. Lover boy dropped to his knees and licked the pregnant woman’s snatch while she moaned in ecstasy sipping expensive wine.

109. Lucio Battisti
"Le Allettanti Promesse"  5:11
Il Nostro Caro Angelo
Poggio Bustone, Italy (1943)-Milan, Italy (1998)

Douglas had followed them and was peaking in the window. All he saw was this guy’s hairy ass in the air with his nasty balls sagging in-between his even hairier legs. Those hairs matched the pubic hair and Douglas kicked open the door and jammed the shuffleboard pole into the guy’s hairy asshole. The pole was plunged with such excessive force that it caused this person’s entire head to submerge into the pregnant woman’s pussy that he had been eating out. Douglas kept pushing harder, cramming his head up her vagina even more. The pregnant girl screamed both in horror and in pain; Douglas snatched the $800 bottle of wine from the table and busted it over her head.

Romantic hairy guy was causing her even more pain as he was attempting to remove his head from her pussy while Douglas kept shoving the pole deeper into his asshole. After a few moments of struggles and squirms, the hairy guy’s head finally emerged…from out of her ass, covered in blood. When his head popped out of her ass, her legs broke off (on screen, fakest looking legs possible, with shards of plastic particles fly in the air). Douglas noticed that his head derived from her anus; he removed the shuffleboard cue and beat him across the head repeatedly until he was dead, hanging limp out of her ass. Blood spewed from the pregnant woman’s ears, nose, eyes, and then finally mouth as the mutant baby climbed out of her mouth.

108. Golem
"The Returning"  7:45
Orion Awakes

With the boat stopped in the middle of the Ocean, Douglas went on a vicious killing spree. Using a shuffleboard cue and discs, Douglas proceeded to brutally massacre a number of the ship’s passengers. Also, he killed crew members and those responsible for navigating the ship. The killings were often done in brutal fashion, tripping large groups of people down flights of stairs, hurling discs into elderly people’s faces, and beating passengers down to the ground. Douglas displayed the techniques of a shuffleboard champion, as hurled his victims off the deck shuffleboard style; pushing them with the cue, gliding them off the side of the boat, splashing water up to deck. Bodies were appearing everywhere and a distress signal was sounded.

107. Kim Jung Mi
"Lonely Heart"  3:35
South Korea

A full-fledged orgy was taking place in one cabin and Douglas barricaded the door and lit the whole room on fire.

The alarm sounded at the precise moment Douglas left the burning orgy cabin.

Many of the participants still fucked while the room was going up in flames. They were so dumb they acted as if they could not see the flames. A burning rafter fell from the ceiling and the room was completely filled with smoke. One guy stupidly asked a ridiculous question while he had a girl’s ankles propped on his shoulders thrusting his cock into her vagina: “Is something burning?” (The flames were so noticeable that audienced sarcastically responded with something along the lines, “no, you dipshit.”) The guy on the couch getting a blow job could not answer because he was completely engulfed in flames; the chick blowing him rose up and said, “I think I smell something burning too.” When she noticed the guy whose cock she was sucking was dead and burning she screamed. Panic ensued.

106. Message
"Turn Over"  4:02
From Books And Dreams
Düsseldorf, Germany

As the fire was raging up above, the mutant baby was lurking below. The creepy little infant was walking around carrying the top half of a busted $800 wine bottle stabbing people in the ankle. It had been spotted and was the primary suspect for all the killings, not Douglas. However, it crept down into the cellar to where the boat’s mechanical system dwelled, crawled over the two dead crew members, and yanked out a wired that triggered an explosion and shut off the power. The explosion burst through the bottom of the ship and the Saint Lucifer was officially sinking.

105. Buffalo
"Freedom"  9:03
Volcanic Rock
Sydney, Australia

Saint Lucifer was going under. As the distress signal was raging loudly, a percentage of the passengers scrambled to the top deck to avoid water. They attempted to utilize the emergency flotation escape vessel, but one sole person released himself and left everybody behind…even his wife who was yelling for him. Amidst a sinking ship, Douglas still raged with vengeance, equipped with the shuffleboard cue, discs, and a stray pubic hair. Most of the passengers, however, were searching for the mutant baby. Meanwhile, Manny the massage specialist braved into the cellar to fix the damages. Also, Manny the massage specialist became the primary suspect for the pubic hair. To make matters worse, a colony of man eating fish similar to piranha had entered the boat through the hole and eaten the baby. It was unsafe to enter this cellar, but Manny did anyway…because he’s so fucking awesome!!!

104. Joe Henderson
"Air"  9:54
The Elements (featuring Alice Coltrane)
Lima, OH (1937)-San Francisco, CA (2001)

Wearing his white pants and neatly tucked in polo shirt, Manny raised the hatch and submerged into the cellar. The water was waist deep and rising fast; walking through water, his pants obviously became soaking wet (EXTREME CLOSE-UP: Manny’s crotch, his dick clearly visible through his now transparent wet white pants). He spotted the area in which the problem was occurring and rushed over to fix it. The exact moment he noticed the problem, water rapidly poured in deeper, up to his neck. Manny rubbed massage oil around the hole and temporarily stalled the flooding. He repaired some damages with some useful brand new boat engine parts that happened to float by still in the box (the engine parts were made of heavy steel, but floated by anyway). Like so many other massage specialists, Manny also had one wrench that happened perfectly fit every single bolt within the structure. The cellar filled with water, and the heroic Manny was swimming underwater, fixing the leaks while holding his breath.

Douglas watched Manny enter the cellar and covered the latch with a book—the dictionary. Manny was on the verge of drowning and could not get the cellar door opened because of the book Douglas set on top of the door (4 pounds). But, he beat the door with the wrench and pried it open just in the nick of time. Unfortunately, right as he emerged gasping for breath, the pack of man eating fish attacked him and ripped apart his flesh. With only his head rising from the cellar door, Manny was screaming in pain from being eaten by fish.

In the appropriate distance allotted for proper shuffleboard regulations, Douglas hurled a disc towards Manny. The disc glided so exceedingly fast across the wet steel floor, that when it struck Manny it knocked his head completely off. When his head came off, his body dropped down into the hole to be devoured by fish. His head was struck so hard, that when it detached, it rolled backwards, crashed into the back wall with enough force to boomerang back and roll down into the hole with the rest of his body.

103. The Hues Corporation
"Rock the Boat"  3:23
Freedom For the Stallion
Santa Monica, CA

Chaos ensued on the boat. All of the passengers were racing towards the top deck to prevent from drowning. Throughout the ruckus, Douglas walked swiftly through the crowd, chasing them, striking random people down with the shuffleboard cue, throwing people off the side of the ship, which was gradually becoming more submerged in water. Most of the passengers, however, were drunk and were still carrying drinks. Some stupid girls danced and shook their asses with their arms raised in the air, as if the boat sinking was some marvelous. A dance party broke out on the top deck of the ship, and people continued dancing even after their dance partners were struck down dead from behind with a shuffleboard disc. Douglas stood perched on a cabin, firing discs at random people.

102. The Spinners
"One Of A Kind (Love Affair)"  3:20
Ferndale, MI

Douglas found Martina and struck her up against the head with the pole. She dropped to the ground, and turned around to see her angry husband slowly stalking towards her. When she tried to stand back up, he kicked her in the face. As she tried to crawl away, he grabbed her by the shirt, which tore open exposing one of her titties, and bitch slapped her back down to the ground. He picked her up by the hair, slammed the pubic hair in her face and shook, demanding, “Whose fucking pubic hair is this? Who have you been fucking?”

A voice came from around the corner, “it’s my pubic hair.”

101. Mike Oldfield
"Tubular Bells (Part One)"  25:00
Tubular Bells
Reading, England

Jim Dandy emerged out of the shadows from behind the corner. When Douglas spotted him, he threw Martina to the ground and prepared a duel with Jim Dandy the midget.

“I’m so glad I finally found you,” Jim Dandy said with a pleasant smile, “I have been searching all over for you.”

Douglas swung the pole at Jim Dandy and it swished over his head and missed.

“Douglas,” said Jim, as Douglas was surprised he knew his name, “don’t you remember me? I am your twin brother.”

He looked at the midget attempting to approach him calmly; “no, that’s impossible,” Douglas once again swung the pole at him.

“I knew it was you, Douglas, that’s why I fucked your wife. Her. Fuck her, she’s not important. It’s us, that’s what matters. We’re family.”

“No,” Douglas was growing more furious, “no way! That’s impossible.”

Jim Dandy withdrew his birth certificate, “Look at my birth certificate…”


“Look at it Douglas, same birthday…”


“Same hospital…”


“Same parents Douglas.”


“Douglas, we look just alike.”

“No! It can’t be!”

“Exactly alike.”

“No! No! That’s not true! NOOOOO!!!!” And Douglas jumped off the side of the boat; the water was so high now, this was barely a two foot drop.

Jim Dandy shook his head in displeasure, took off his shoes, and jumped in after him, calmly. They were in the middle of the Ocean. He swam over to his twin brother who was crying. “It’s OK. It’s OK. I’m here now. (Smiles) We’re finally re-united, brother!”

Douglas held back the tears for a moment, and then embraced his twin midget brother with the best possible hug one could give while treading water. All the passengers aboard the ship watched and applauded the sweet magical moment. They were still clapping when the ship officially sank and all of them were eaten by sharks. In one cabin, a drowned woman was floating face down in a pool of water that had flooded the room. Her husband was standing behind her, waist deep in water, fucking her drowned corpse. “Hey honey,” he finally said, “I think the faucet might be leaking; the floor feels a little wet.”

"Psalm"  8:03
London, England

Top Image: http://www.joblo.com/images_arrownews/bikinice-7.jpg
Bottom Image: http://www.rochardsbunnyranch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/peachez_sexy-boat_ride6.jpg
That is, until somebody comes over with a shuffleboard cue and some fake blood and pose for pictures

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