The Top 50 Songs of 2006

No Love For Anybody + The Top 200 Songs of 2006
Part 1: Emily
Part 2: Sonja
Part 3: Jim Donaldson
Part 4: Sex Addiction
Part 5: Sign Language Abuse
Part 6: Jeanelle
Part 7: Very Cold, Very Quickly, For a Very Long Time
Part 8: No Love

Part VII: Very Cold, Very Quickly, For a Very Long Time

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

50. Beth Orton
"Conceived"  3:22
Comfort Of Strangers
London, England

Roll the opening credits now. All you have read so far has been the prequel to why I never wanted to get involved with Jeanelle in the first place. Seriously, it wasn’t her…it was me. I had walked in these shoes for nearly 30 years, and I know the drastic turns that are imminent. In my life, the world is not a friendly place at all. It can go very cold, very quickly, and for a very long time; sometimes forever. The last thing I wanted was her assistance, her devotion, and her blind willingness to think that she could change everything.

49. The Hold Steady
"Southtown Girls"  5:11
Boys and Girls in America
New York, NY (Roots in Minneapolis, MN)

It had been over a month since that night we first had sex. Even though I remained reluctant to make any sort of commitment establishing a meaningful relationship with her, she remained persistent, and was successful trapping me into staying with her. I had stayed at her house pretty much every night, and any attempts that I made to go home or anyplace else, led to a series of interrogations and alternatives. Furthermore, she had become extremely adamant with her sexual aggression.

48. Loose Fur
"The Ruling Class"  3:35
Born Again In The USA
Chicago, IL

The first night after our initial sexual encounter, she assumed that she now had the right to engage in sexual activity any time she pleased. When she came home from work, she immediately stripped off all of her clothes, dragged me into the bedroom, and fucked me for nearly an hour. Not even five minutes after that, I was dressed and she remained naked, she fondled me on the couch and gave me a blow job until my erection returned. As soon as it was hard again, she straddled on top of my lap and we had sex again for another hour or so. Immediately after that, she stayed completely naked and lay on the couch with her legs completely spread so that one leg was over my lap, the other was over my shoulder, and her spread pussy was right next to me. She kept hold of my hand and fingered herself with my fingers. This went on for another half an hour and she kept inquiring when we could have sex again. Finally, I was pulled on top of her and we had sex again for over an hour. We had to fuck again before bed, she often raped me in my sleep, and sex was required first thing in the morning. This went on every single day.

47. Kelley Stoltz
"Birdies Singing"  3:19
Below the Branches
San Francisco, CA

It reached the point where I was expected to perform sexually immediately as soon as she came home from work; which consisted of going to school with Herman or other deaf people and interpreting the lectures—and I wondered what about this position aroused her so much. She dressed professionally, and she came home wearing a nice red button down shirt and black pants. I tried to avoid her, but she approached me, unbuttoned her shirt to where her black bra was revealed and made me sit on the couch her with her to massage her breasts. She pulled off her bra, and laid back on the couch with her titties exposed and I was supposed to suck on the them. If I didn’t she pulled my face down into them until I had no choice. While I sucked on her titties, she pulled off her black slacks, made me suck her toes, lick her legs, and go down on her until she wanted my dick in her. If sex lasted under an hour, I would be scolded, lectured, and ridiculed.

46. Neko Case
"Star Witness"  5:17
Fox Confessor Brings The Flood
Alexandria, VA/Tucson, AZ

Finally, I told her outright that I still did not wish to be in a relationship. She got pissy, and acted as if I didn’t have a choice. “You know then, maybe you should have gone to grad school. If you had a decent job then maybe you could have some little bimbo running around your house that you could fondle and do whatever you want to her. Guys with good jobs bring loser girls over to their houses all the time and buy them shit just so they can fuck ‘em. Instead, I have all the money I need, a good job, I own my own home, and I have me a stupid loser bimbo that I can take home and fondle... you.

So what? I like fucking you all the time; and, actually, that’s the only real use you have for me. Who cares? You have it made. It’s not costing you anything. You get to stay here for free, I pay the rent, pay the bills, buy all of our meals, pay for everything when we go out, I buy you cigarettes…what the fuck are you complaining about? I know I’m not ugly. And you say you just want to be friends, so you at least like my personality. Then what do you have better to do than come over here and let me fuck you for a few hours every day? It’s not killing you. You ain’t doing anything else, so you might as well just go with it.”

After this lecture, we had sex again. And after we had sex again, she went to the bathroom. When she came back out, she sat quietly on the couch, trying to relax. For the rest of the evening, she did not say much, and strangely, we did not have sex again the rest of the night. But, she kept going to the bathroom. Finally, right before bed, she told me that she was late on her period, about a week late. I totally did not want to think about this. She assured me that it was fine, and that she had missed periods before…she was just telling me so I would know why she kept going to the bathroom.

45. Pernice Brothers
"Somerville"  3:35
Live a Little
Northampton, MA

It's not that I hated Jeanelle, but I was right, her occupation annoyed me. Whenever she spoke to me, she often spoke in the same fashion she spoke with deaf people—articulating her speech and conducting sign language. She even did this during sex, and it was frustrating. I could only imagine what pedestrians thought when walked passed my work and I’d be on break, outside smoking in a Gomer Gopher costume, and her sitting next to me talking to me the same way she talks to deaf people.

I needed to go to my house and pick up some things. It had been awhile since I had been home, and there were things that I needed. When I got there, there was an eviction notice on my door and it had been dead bolted from the outside. They claimed that I did not pay my rent and it was past due. However, I paid my rent. I was late, but I paid it. I distinctly remember doing so, because Jeanelle was trying to talk me into putting in my notice and just moving in with her. But, I was not yet prepared to do that and was still trying to figure out how to get away from her. The property manager and I had a brief discussion and I was going to the bank to see where the check ended up. Furthermore, they also stated that it needed to be paid by the end of the day or else they were confiscating my personal belongings—which I felt was illegal. I mainly wanted my computer which had some things stored on the hard drive that could not be replaced, and my music collection…I didn’t have shit else.

44. Crystal Skulls
"The Cosmic Door"  3:09
Outgoing Behavior
Seattle, WA

Rob, my friend from work, was driving me around. I liked Rob, but he had some issues that I could not help him with. He had fought in Iraq, experienced the pains of war, murder, death, and had a multitude of puzzling coincidences in which people he knew were dead and he was still alive. The struggles with the war had an adverse effect on his mind, and it was worse that he had been reduced from working on advanced technology to playing a character in a children’s theme restaurant. His only interest in the job was to conceal his face so nobody could tell he was struggling with the atrocities he had been through. Also, in order to cope with things, he sort of developed a heroin addiction.

43. Yo La Tengo
"Mr. Tough"  3:06
Im Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass
Hoboken, NJ

On the way to the bank, we were pulled over by the police. Apparently, Rob turned right at an intersection in which turning right was considered an awful crime. First, Rob claimed that he did not see any sign indicated “No turn on red.” Then, he claimed that there wasn’t anybody even coming, and the law was a “complete pile of fucking bullshit to keep fat fuck pigs like you from eating all the doughnuts at the station.” Rob grew increasingly hostile with the police and even got out of the car to confront the officer.

By this time, several other squad cars sped into the picture with their guns drawn. They ordered Rob down to the ground and he kept yelling back at them, “Fuck you!” A group of officers surrounded him, he punched one of them, and they tackled him to the ground. Also, they opened the passenger door, dragged me out of the car, and forced me down to the ground and cuffed my hands behind my back. The police sat us on the curb and Rob refused to cooperate with them at all. They beat him with clubs and dragged him off to the back of a cruiser.

42. The Raconteurs
"Blue Veins"  3:52
Broken Boy Soldiers
Detroit, MI/Nashville, TN

I had to stay seated and a fat woman cop dealt with me. It turned out that I had a warrant out for my arrest for an unpaid ticket; and that my license was suspended. I knew they were suspended, and I assumed that was my punishment for not paying the ticket…and that they would remain suspended until I paid the ticket. But, this unpaid ticket was for driving on a suspended license from when I found out they were suspended…apparently I missed my court date. To make matters worse, they searched Rob’s car and found an enormous amount of heroin, enough to charge him with distribution—a major felony.

41. The Blood Brothers
"We Ride Skeletal Lightning"  3:23
Young Machetes
Redmond, WA

This stupid bitch was extremely rude and unpleasant with me. I didn’t know anything about this heroin, and the unpaid ticket was but a simple mistake. She asked me a series of nasty questions and threw me up against the car and frisked me excessively. After what I considered to be a crude, unwarranted, sexually obscene search, she threw me into the car and hauled me away. The entire ride to the station, she kept making snide comments about how much trouble I was going to be in, how I was an extreme piece of shit, and how much people like me made her sick.

She dragged me into an interrogation room and asked me several questions pertaining to Rob, Rob’s vehicle, how we knew each other, and the heroin. I told them that I knew nothing about it, but at the same time, I did not want to relate anything that could contribute to Rob’s conviction either. I simply said that he was a friend, we worked together, and I knew that he was struggling with the war and I was trying to help. “So this is how you help?” She accused me of all sorts of things, accused me of lying, and then conducted a strip search on me.

40. The Ghost is Dancing
"The Running Song"  3:34
The Ghost is Dancing EP
Toronto, ON, Canada

My opinion, strip searches should be made illegal for a multitude of obvious reasons…especially when the suspect is obviously not dangerous and the search is for drugs. She locked the door and stood there watching me, telling me to get undressed. Fuck this, I didn’t even do anything. As I removed each article of clothing, she seized the piece of clothing, inspected it, and tossed it off to the side…awaiting me to remove my next article of clothing. This proceeded until I was totally naked in front of a woman officer locked in a room where nobody else could enter.

Rather than hand me my clothes back, she stood there staring at me while I was still in the nude, making accusations, reminding me that I had a warrant for my arrest, and why she shouldn’t just throw me in the felony cell charging me with possession of heroin also. I didn’t know what the fuck to say, so I just stood there looking dumbfounded and angry. Then, she tormented me, slapped me, and shoved me up against the wall. As she was approaching me, she started removing her clothes.

39. The Fiery Furnaces
"Benton Harbor Blues"  7:23
Bitter Tea
Oak Park, IL/New York, NY

This is why I fucking hate women sometimes. One, they think they have the right to be as sexually crude as possible and this is legal behavior because only men commit rape. Two, even in an act of forcible rape, they still expect me to do everything. After she beat the shit out of me until I had another black eye and blood protruding from my head, she made me kneel down and kiss her feet and put her nasty toes in my mouth. She lay on the floor and kept her club while I had to lick her twat, lick her asshole, and then get on top of her and fuck her. During the time I was having to do it with her, she kept her legs wrapped around with a death grip that felt like it was cracking my ribs, yanked my hair, my wrist handcuffed to her wrist, and she bit my lips and nipples…not sexy, it fucking hurt. It hurt so bad that it disrupted my happy place.

38. Film School
"He's a Deep Deep Lake"  5:03
Film School
San Francisco, CA

After this overweight disgusting whore finally gushed cum all over me, she pushed me off of her, shoved me down, and threw me my clothes. She said that I wouldn’t be charged with possession of heroin as of yet… that she would see what she could do about the outstanding ticket, and that there may or may not be something that could be done depending on how well I cooperated. If I said one word about what just happened here, I was going to be the one they were going to charge with heroin distribution and that I would go to prison longer than Rob.

37. Boris
"Pseudo-Bread"  4:30
Tōkyō, Japan

She came back in with a fucking gross ass man cop with a mustache. “I heard you got out of the heroin charges. You should be lucky that you were dealing with Officer Ramsey here instead of me.” He made me sit in a chair and he stood close to me, rubbing his hands across my face; she was still in the room. “Officer Ramsey tells me you’re pretty good, have a fairly clean record, but there’s a blemish that you need taken care of.” He stood while I sat, and he stood extremely close to me and pulled out his dick and pushed my face down to it; I did not put it in my mouth, even as he brushed it up against my lips. “Lucky for you, I’m not gay. I don’t know, maybe it’s those pretty eyes of yours, but for you, I might make an exception. We can drop all these charges of yours in one hour from now, that’s before your friend with the h gets taken up state. You owe a minimum payment of $172 for the ticket. Be back in one hour with the money, you go free. Come back without the money, you go to jail. Tell us what we need to know about your friend, and we’ll forget about the remaining $800 you owe for the rest of the tickets. Don’t come back and we have to find you, you go to prison with your friend…and Mr. Happy here gets to show you what prison is all about.

36. Scissor Sisters
"I Can't Decide"  2:47
New York, NY

It had been awhile since I checked my balance at my bank, but I was praying that I had enough money to cover both my rent and this ticket. Then, I had a difficult decision to make…do I lose my personal belongings for life or go to jail and possible get oral raped by another piece of shit cop. Since I no longer had a ride anywhere, much less to the bank, I stopped at the nearest ATM to check my balance. I knew it was going to be close. However, when the ticket came out, my available balance was but $34.18. This was fucking impossible.

35. Heartless Bastards
"Came a Long Way"  5:53
All This Time
Cincinnati, OH

In a near state of panic, I boarded the bus and headed to the bank. Time was fading rapidly and I did not have much time left to clear up this situation at the bank, return to the police station to pay my outstanding fine, and then return home to gather my stuff. Furthermore, I was concerned for Rob who was looking at extensive prison time and our circle of friends needed to devise a plan for that. However, that would have to come later.

34. Wilderness
"Monumental"  3:42
Vessel States
Baltimore, MD

When I got to the bank, the lady told me that there had been several overdrafts on my account. She then, kindly, printed my statement so that I could see all of the transactions. It began back at that restaurant where I had passed out. Sure enough they posted that transaction before my check deposit “cleared” and that caused my account to be overdrawn by 18 cents. They charged $35 for that. Around that time, the monthly service they just implemented of $2 was scheduled to be withdrawn and that cost 35 more dollars. The results of those caused my rent check to bounce and they returned it, charging me $35; the rental agency sent the check through again, bounced, 35 more dollars. There were several fees of $5 for days in which my account was in the negative. And, a number of other things had bounced and I was charged $35-40 for all of them. In all, there was over $500 in fees they had embezzled. I had no knowledge of any of this, and did not receive any of the letters because I had not been home.

33. Ray Davies
"Thanksgiviing Day"  5:11
Other People's Lives
London, England

Within an hour, I needed nearly $600, but instead had only $29.18 in my account (they charged $5 for checking my balance at an ATM). If I didn’t have this money, I was losing everything I owned, going to jail, and possibly getting raped…again. It’s not like I wanted to tell anybody this, and I was also somewhat worried about going to prison for dealing heroin if I didn’t make it back to the police station in time.

32. The Strokes
"Evening Sun"  4:35
First Impressions of Earth
New York, NY

I waited for the manager and explained my situation to her. Technically, my check was deposited before the transaction including the tip went through, and if they would have put it in the proper order, none of this would have happened. However, she explained her policy to me that they do all pending withdraws first before entering the deposits. Also, they do not decline credit transactions due to embarrassment the customer may feel—they simply charge $35. She stated that I should have balanced my budget better, been more careful, and not applied that tip until after my deposit. This manager was particularly kind about it and said that she would refund one of the $35 fees, this one time only though. My balance was now $64.18.

31. Jurassic 5
"End Up Like This"  3:58
Los Angeles, CA

Fuck that! I was in a desperate situation and was getting irate quickly. I am not going to just stand here and let you fucking confiscate 500 fucking dollars because of 18 cents. This is bullshit! I want to talk to the fucking owner of the bank. She tried to calm me down, smiled, put her arm around me and actually called me baby. I knocked her hand off my shoulder, “Get your fucking hands off me! Don’t ever fucking touch me again. And, I’m not your fucking baby, bitch!” In fact, I was ready to punch her in the face. My whole world was crumbling down all around, and I was powerless to do anything about it. Somewhere in my mind, I wondered where it all went wrong.

30. Acid Casuals
"Krakken"  3:55
Cardiff, Wales

She backed off, but security approached me and said I had to leave. I told him to fuck off and that I wasn’t leaving until they refunded all the money they stole from me. This fucking prick thought he had the right to put his hand on me too, and I shoved his hand away too. “Keep your fucking hands off of me!” And, I shoved him with both arms as hard as I could across the chest and sent the stupid fucker backwards and he nearly tripped over the line dividers. “You guys are a bunch of fucking assholes! I’m calling the police, I’m charging you with grand theft, and I’m writing a letter to Congress.” One of the whore tellers was already on the phone with the police and claimed they were on their way.

29. Midlake
"Van Occupanther"  3:16
The Trials Of Van Occupanther
Denton, TX

I left the bank and returned home, hoping to be able to get inside. There might be some money in there somewhere, but unfortunately, there was no way to get in. Then, I remembered, my car. I went to my car, and fortunately it still started…it had been ages since I had last driven it. Ideally, I could sell my car right now for $700. The only reason I still had it was because I needed to fix a couple things and show it to the court to have the tickets dropped. Plus, it would be worth way more money after the minor repairs. But, the tickets had apparently already been assessed. After the repairs, which were but a headlight and a muffler, the car would be worth about $3000. As of now though, I would sell it for $700 if somebody paid me cash in the next 5 minutes.

28. Portastatic
"Like a Pearl"  4:35
Be Still Please
Chapel Hill, NC

There wasn’t anybody around. There was no money in the car except for about 89 cents in change. Time had run out and I was still so angry about being fucked over by the bank. Furthermore, the police station was far away, and there was no way I could make it back in time to even simply avoid county jail ( the return without the money option) by taking the bus. As it stood, my stuff was gone, and I was facing prison for a crime I didn’t even commit, and more than likely I was going to have an officer’s cock stuffed into my mouth. Or, I could drive myself to police station and hope that I didn’t get pulled over with my muffler dragging.

With no choice, I started the car, put it in drive, and took off. It had been months since I last drove, and had to take it slow because I could feel the muffler dragging going across bumps and hills. Finally, it broke off and was dragging completely. I pulled into a gas station and examined it; I tried to pull it off completely, but it was scorching hot.

27. Viva Voce
"So Many Miles"  8:22
Get Yr Blood Sucked Out
Muscle Shoals, AL/Portland, OR

Time had elapsed; I was officially on the verge of going to prison. Furthermore, I couldn’t drive this piece of shit anywhere with the muffler dragging like this, with no driver’s license at that. I simply sat there thinking about what to do. Maybe I could sell it, and just buy a plane ticket and get the fuck out of here. People were irritating me. The clerk came out and said that I needed to get it off the lot right away or else he would have it towed.

I remembered that I still had $29.18 in my account, and how they never embarrass customers with those bothersome declines. “Sure, my friend,” I said kindly to the clerk, “just need to fuel up and I’m heading up the road to get this thing fixed. No worries, (I faked a laugh) just needed to call to make sure they were still open.” He laughed, patted me on the shoulder and went back inside.

26. Wooden Wand and the Vanishing Voice
"Dead End Days With Caesar"  13:30
Gipsy Freedom
Purchase, NY/Knoxville, TN

I swiped my card at the pump, approved, and filled the tank with gas, which cost nearly $40. I rolled down the back driver’s side window, put the pump back there, and filled up the backseat with gas, all over the floor, all over the seat, all over the back speaker area by the window. In all, I put over $100 worth of gas in the car and drove off.

This stupid bank was placed so perfectly. They had an enormous bay window with their logo in it, on an intersection, right at the bottom of a hill. As I was picking up speed going down the hill, I didn’t even bother slowing down. Once I was about a block away, I lit up a cigarette. The spark of the lighter lit up the backseat and flames were shooting out the window. My face was already burnt severely, but I kept smoking anyway. Some stupid ass fat piece of shit cop flashed his lights behind me, as if I was going to pull over. Instead, I hit the gas.

The light at the bottom of the hill was red. However, when you have flames shooting out all of your windows, speeding way over the posted limit, and the car is completely embedded in flames with some stupid jelly doughnut eating waste of tax payer dollars miserable fucking prick behind you with his lights flashing and siren on, people will stop and get the fuck out of the way. At the bottom of the hill, it was perfect. My car hit the curb, bounced up, and crashed through the bay window of the bank.

Imagine the fear that must have settled in. All those dumb fucking losers at the bank, that whore for a manger, that piece of shit security guard, that fucking cunt who called the cops on me, and those sorry ass sacks of shit who conformed to all of their policies in there abiding by their silly rules and regulations as they constantly get fucked over with high interest rates…all of them. Imagine what they must have thought. One minute, everything is normal, the next minute, something crashes through the window. It’s loud, there’s glass everywhere, and for that first moment, they fearfully glance up to see what just happened. There it is, a car overturned on its side in the middle of the bank lobby, where most never suspect to see a motorized vehicle. And there’s flames shooting out of the car, and me, nearly dead from severe burns still smoking a cigarette. The fire alone causes a panic, as the transactions slips start to go into flames, but so does the sight of a driver with third degree burns.

Then, after barely two seconds to decipher all of this, the car explodes. A massive explosion with far more capability than a hand grenade or a stack of dynamite taking place in the lobby of a small bank…killing every single person inside and destroying everything. Fuckers should have just refunded my money.

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