The Top 50 Songs of 1974

Paradigm Shift + The Best Songs of 1974
Chapter 1: One Wish
Chapter 2: August 22nd, 4:37 PM EST
Chapter 3: Paradigm Shift
Chapter 4: Cooper
Chapter 5: Frightening is the New Animal Friendly
Chapter 6: Wild Animal Instinct
Chapter 7: Midnight Lemur

Chapter VI: Wild Animal Instinct

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

50. Deep Purple
"Stormbringer"  4:04
Hertford, England

Some of these creatures would act like wild animals at the vet clinic. Back in the old days, they would shoot race horses after breaking a leg. These days, horses come out with a prosthetic leg walking with a specialized cane. Apparently Bob the centipede was deemed creepy enough to play in the snake band, lending a keyboard fill for the hard rock extravaganza at The House of Reptiles. Strange fucking world we’re living in these days, and it’s only going to get stranger.

49. Lou Reed
"Baby Face"  5:02
Sally Can't Dance
New York

In his more comfortable setting, Bob the centipede sat in-between a piano with his left legs and an electric keyboard with his right ones; a squirrel played bass, a chipmunk on guitar, an aardvark sang, and a cat seated behind the drum kit. Allison admitted that it was her idea for Whicket the parakeet to venture out in the first place, but ever since then, he had been hanging out with the wrong people. Most of the time, Whicket was returning home way late at night, and one night crashed into the side of the house and passed out porch. His cage reeked of alcohol and she found a small bottle of parakeet booze stashed behind the mirror with the little bells on it. She warned him not to come home drunk anymore and start cleaning up after himself… “or else.” (In my experiences, when a woman threatens with “else” it normally involves physical, verbal, and/or sexual abuse, excessive fines of up to one month’s salary, public humiliation, reporting probation, needless excessive community service along with a suspended death sentence on account there are no violations of probation or repeat offenses; a jail sentence tied up in a closet is possible as well, though not quite as common.)

48. Love Unlimited Orchestra
"Love's Theme"  4:11
Rhapsody in White
Los Angeles, CA

Pauline the skunk and Benny the rabbit were married. She wore the traditional white gown and Benny wore a tuxedo. All of the groomsmen were rabbits except for the ring bearer, who was a skunk pup—Pauline’s niece. The bridesmaids were all skunks, and just like every other wedding, one of them looked fat—the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). Bob the Centipede played at the reception along with a full orchestra consisting of various other animals and one human. Their first dance was something special, and who would have guessed that a rabbit and skunk would be gifted with such nimble dexterity on the dance floor. You should have seen what their kids looked like.

Bestiality is wrong! Seriously. But, let’s face it…

47. Minnie Riperton
"Lovin' You"  4:02
Perfect Angel
Chicago, IL (1947)-Los Angeles, CA (1979)

Mary Lou emerged from the bathroom wearing her most skimpy lingerie; you could see nipple through the lace and cum stains on her thong. She had made a long drive to the south and booked a hotel to finally enjoy that fling she had always desired. McElroy the duck was already in bed waiting for her. They rolled under the covers and he quacked her in every position possible. For a duck and a middle aged trailer trash beauty queen who drove a Ford truck, they had much luck as she fucked and sucked a duck until it got stuck—then they had to pluck…YUCK!

He lay in the bed smoking a cigarette and she hugged him and kissed his head. She kept her arms around him and dreamed of the two of them becoming a perfect pair and spending the rest of their lives together. He was worried somebody was going to find out about this and how he would explain the situation. You should see these damn kids.

46. Paul McCartney & Wings
"Junior's Farm"  4:24
Junior's Farm- Single

Aside from the zoo, the next biggest attraction was the farm, and the farm owned by Junior Crandle was by far the most popular. His farm featured a rock and roll band consisting of sheep who covered Junior’s Farm flawlessly as the theme song. Spectators were majorly impressed about how well these sheep could perform and play their instruments. Seeing this song performed by sheep was so mind blowing, that all of the Wings’ naysayers finally shut the fuck up and listed all members of the band in the “best of all-time” lists (FYI: Paul McCartney smokes Geddy Lee, Denny Laine smokes Alex Lifeson, and all of their drummers hold their own against anybody…take that!)

45. Chet Atkins
"Mr. Bojangles"  3:06
Luttrell, TN (1924)- Nashville, TN (2001)

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, back from the dead, Mr. Chet Atkins. Not to be upstaged by a centipede with 30 some odd legs, Chet Atkins returned from the grave to demonstrate what he was able to do with one third that amount digits. Bob the centipede, however, did provide the entire string section. It had once been rumored that Stevie Ray Vaughan believed he was visited by the ghost of Jimi Hendrix who gave him his playing skills. Upon being visited by Chet Atkins, who taught Bob the centipede all the masterful techniques of multi-dimensional plucking and fretting, Bob the centipede’s guitar playing went to unimaginable levels. Unfortunately, this has never happened in real life, we have no clue what a centipede with these types of skills would be fully capable of, and therefore, the ghost of Chet Atkins is all you get. Deal with it, you fucking pansy.

44. Elis Regina & Tom Jobim
"Só Tinha de ser com Você"  3:46
Elis & Tom
Brazil; ER: 1945-1982; TJ: 1927-1994

A group of grizzly bears were laughing uncontrollably in the living room. Most of them had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard and some of them were literally on the floor gasping for breath. The roars of laughter could be heard down the entire block. The grizzly bears had been watching the movie Grizzly Man and being as they already had a warped sense of humor to begin with, found every last aspect of the movie downright hilarious—especially the part where Timothy got eaten. Two other films came from this: 1.) A Mystery Science Theater 3000 style viewing of Grizzly Man with the grizzly bears making snide comments all the way through it; and 2.) Another version of Grizzly Man but from the perspective of the bears (the Golden Globes were unsure whether to nominate this for comedy (according to bears) or drama (according to everybody else).

43. The Ebonys
"It's Forever "  7:18
The Ebonys
Camden, NJ

The life of the rooster is top notch. Even before the wish was granted, Sergio had fucked thousands of chickens. After the wish was granted, Sergio wanted to test his skills in other areas. Even with the negative perception of mating with a different species, Sergio cunningly cooed numerous other animal species with smooth talk and swaggering confidence. Many had even considered making Sergio a celebrity porn star, but a large percentage of animals simply were not attracted to roosters. Plus, it was annoying sleeping with Sergio at a hotel, for this asshole was prone to make all sorts of racket when the sun came up. Even with his annoying morning habits, opening up windows and shouting outside “wake up mother fuckers,” and the fact that he was a rooster, Sergio boasted numerous partners he had slept with…besides the thousands of chickens, Sergio had fucked several ducks, a whole flock of seagulls, a few dogs, a pig, an alligator, homo-erotic intercourse with a bull, and three drunk white girls at the same time.

42. Gong
"The Isle of Everywhere"  10:20
Paris, France

Back on the island, Larry Buckingham and the genie remained completely isolated from the human world. Once they engaged in several conversations with various sea gulls and other bird and marine life, they never confessed their secret. Furthermore, they allowed it to be known that they had no desire to ever return to Babylon with their ridiculous laws. They were content hanging out on this island getting totally trashed on hallucinogenic berries enjoying the scenery of the island through an extremely euphoric state. The stars looked more illustrious out here in the middle of nowhere, and many of the birds joined them for the fun. An escaped convict, a genie, a sea gull, and a pelican simply lying on their backs in a perfect row in the sand gazing up at the stars sharing various philosophies…this was the life.

41. Jorge Ben
"Errare Humanum Est"  4:55
A Tábua de Esmeralda
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

The family of foxes was notorious shoplifters and frequently stole elegant outfits from all of the clothing stores at the mall. Finally, security caught on to them, and they were busted stealing clothes from Forever 21—even father fox who exclusively dressed in women’s clothing. They were put on trial and sentenced to 30 days in jail. However, these foxes were still too sly. All of them escaped from jail after the first night, and police were baffled as to how they able to bust free. The judge reviewed their case and instead were sent to the zoo to receive counseling and ordered to pay restitution.

40. Genesis
"Carpet Crawlers"  5:16
The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway
Godalming, England

Charlie the hamster collaborated with Bob the centipede for his next film, The Carpet Crawlers. Much of the film was shot on the cockroach covered mound of guano in Borneo (as seen on BBC’s Planet Earth; Episode 4, Caves). Bob provided the music, and being as he was a centipede, could possibly reason with the creatures on the bat shit. However, Bob was a domesticated centipede, would never eat bat shit, and considered these centipedes to be more like the people in Deliverance. They attempted to have some of them join them in the return home, but these creatures still ate dead bats—it was gruesome. It was getting dangerous and Charlie and Bob had to leave.

The film was still a major success as Charlie simply overdubbed Bob’s musical parts and set up sequences to where it appeared that the cockroaches and other creatures were singing the classic Genesis song. Many people, however, could not even finish watching the movie, and was rated #1 in the creepiest movies ever made—this was Charlie’s goal, not mainstream audiences.

39. Billy Swan
"I Can Help"  3:59
I Can Help
Cape Girardeau, MO/Sherman Oaks, CA

Noodles finally saw Penny again working in her yard. Once he figured out directions to her house, he walked by there frequently, even if he had no business being in this neighborhood. She did not seem as cheerful as she used to be, and always seemed to be working in the yard. Chipmunks, squirrels, and of course, Bob the centipede on keyboards provided the music as Noodles approached Penny and sang to her. In song, he insisted that he had two strong arms, and proved it by flexing his muscles for her and pushing a wheelbarrow. Noodles even put his paws around Penny’s waist and helped her dig. Also, Noodles aided with the child and they tossed a ball back and forth to each other the exact same way a father does with his son (well, almost…the child would throw the ball and Noodles would chase after it and bring it back to him in his mouth and rarely relinquish it right away). Penny patted Noodles on the head, and both of them wore huge smiles as she kissed the top of his head.

The moment she kissed his head, all of the other animals and the neighbors came into the yard and clapped and cheered. Noodles and Penny waved at them smiling. The band of chipmunks, squirrels, and Bob also waved and smiled. And then, with the whole group watching after a major applause, the band played the bridge a few more times.

They stopped playing and waved to the crowd. Once again there was major applause from all of the neighbors, the rest of the animals, and Penny and Noodles…a few of the instruments still making noise from the amplifiers. The band waved, and then once again played the same beat for a few more strums.

And they stopped again, waving to the crowd clapping. After another wonderful ovation, they played the bridge again and marched out of the yard.

38. Aut'chose
"Le Freak de Montréal"  3:39
Prends une Chance avec Moé
Montréal, QC, Canada

As with father fox, many animals had no concept of clothing for men or women and simply dressed in whatever looked appealing. Even though there did exist several gay animals, Leon the gorilla was a complete heterosexual. However, he was by far the most androgynous creature on the planet. Leon would not only wear women’s clothing, but preferred the most risqué styles, and even wore make up. He was frequently seen downtown flaunting that ass high up in the air wearing clothes with a logo across the butt, or just a thong. The male gorilla would often wear skirts and allow them to blow in the wind, or stand Marilyn Monroe style on the city vents. His favorite color was pink. Most male birds dressed in women’s apparel while the female birds would purchase the ugliest clothes possible, often shopping at farmer’s markets for the latest styles.

37. Montes
"El Ascensor (Por la luz de Dios)"  4:37
Cuando Brille el Tiempo
Buenos Aires, Argentina

Some of these creatures behaved like wild animals when performing on the stage. The band consisting of the bear vocalist plus two cats and two raccoons were becoming widely notorious for their outrageous highly energetic stage antics. They released their primitive animal behaviorisms on the stage, thrashing their guitars, jumping off amplifiers, and shouting wild noises into the microphone. Their concerts were prone to create massive mosh pits and stage diving with the band often participating. Furthermore, their playing style was relentless as they were prone to aimlessly crank up the volume and randomly burst into a ripping guitar solo (at the 3:26 mark of this song), furiously pound on the drums, and the twin vocal assault featuring the bear singing lead and a raccoon providing back-up banshee screams gave audiences an intense adrenaline rush.

36. The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
"Sergeant Fury"  3:32
The Impossible Dream
Glasgow, Scotland

Roscoe the monkey was finally awarded a movie contract and given a major part in a motion picture, lucrative pay, and the opportunity to shine. He began his celebration at Pick ‘N Save with a Broadway style song and dance routine accompanied with Bob the centipede on piano, and a slew of other animals on the other instruments and background vocals.

The monkey gracefully pushed his cart to the banana display, leaped on the top and sang out “I wanna be, rich and famous,” while all people stopped what they were doing and joined in on the dance. After the first chorus, Roscoe performed a tap dance routine in the produce department at Pick ‘N Save, while loading his cart with bananas. All participants followed him outside, dancing and singing, even the musicians, as (it would appear) Hollywood square was just outside Pick ‘N Save. Roscoe continued to tap dance and perform other dance moves, while he sang, and grabbed hold of strangers passing by and twirled them around. By the song’s end, Roscoe was dancing on a square and the crowd of people were circled around him (and the square) - the band behind him, the singers and other spectators on the opposite side. The square had engraved a star that read “Roscoe.”

35. Kiss
"Mainline"  3:51
Hotter Than Hell
New York, NY

The #1 pin-up model among dogs was none other than Rachel Ray (#2 being Duchess). Every teenage dog in America had posters in his room of the ultra-gorgeous, lovely, and astonishing super model. Most adult dogs had sexy photos of Rachel Ray as his/her background wallpaper for the phone or computer. One dog named Dilweed had an autographed photo of Rachel Ray in her most racy pose. Dogs would constantly submit their personal information to her, joined her fan club, and dreamed of someday posing alongside Rachel (in the comforts of her loving arms) for the cover of her Nutrish dog food. A phrase had become popular when discussing other women: “she’s OK, but she’s not exactly Rachel Ray.”

34. Leonard Cohen
"Leaving Green Sleeves"  2:41
New Skin for the Old Ceremony
Montréal, QC, Canada

This dog, got tired of seeing shit like this, and shit like this, and this kind of bullshit. Furthermore, he was fed up with this fucking whore who kept taking his money, and finally took one last walk around the shitty ass neighborhood he was living in, wondered what in the fuck he was still doing here, and walked from this miserable life forever.

33. Bob Marley & The Wailers
"No Woman, No Cry"  3:46
Natty Dread
Nine Mile, Jamaica (1945)- Miami, FL (1981)

That dog was only living in these conditions because once upon a time he had been brought here from who knows where? He wanted more out of life than what this community provided, even though he still had a fondness for the people he once assumed were his masters. However, he did not understand why in the fuck they still dwelled in this fucking shit hole, and explained to this girl that he was leaving for good. They did not take it well, and tried to explain that they were stuck in these conditions based on some bullshit the government they were entrenched in had fucked them over; some shit about a debt and a crime that was committed 16 years ago. Albert said he would return someday, but was not sure when.
32. Gram Parsons
"Love Hurts"  3:41
Grievous Angel
Winter Haven, FL (1946)-Joshua Tree, CA (1973)

Lauryn was a human white girl who happened to be in love with that miserable asshole who wanted the possum psychiatrist to transform him into a raccoon. She had no knowledge of his desires to become a raccoon, and frequently saw him riding the bus. It was Friday, and she normally saw on this day. Anticipating seeing him on the bus, she dolled herself up and made certain that she looked wonderful as she embarked on the bus and sat where he often sat. Furthermore, she placed something in the seat next to hers so nobody else could sit in it—just him.

Spot was some medium sized unknown breed dog who had a major infatuation with this black dog named Pepper. He had somewhat stalked Pepper and timed embarking on the bus accordingly so he could sit by Pepper.

The guy who wanted to be transformed into a raccoon got on the bus. Lauryn was hoping that he would sit by her and made all the moves necessary to encourage him to do so without saying anything. Furthermore, she subtly put her arm around the back of the seat next to her and crossed her legs, this way when he sat by her, she would already have her arm around him and her foot would brush his leg.

However, this fucking asshole sat next to Pepper instead of Lauryn.

Then, Spot got on the bus. He migrated to the back of the bus and found this fucking asshole sitting next to Pepper. This fucking asshole was a white guy, and there was a seat open next to what appeared a perfectly healthy white girl—I mean, she wasn’t exactly Rachel Ray, but she was at least adequate. Spot didn’t want to sit next to Lauryn the white girl—he wanted to sit next to Pepper. Furthermore, he didn’t want this miserable prick sitting next to Pepper either…he should be sitting next to the white girl.

Rather than take a seat on the bus, Spot sat directly in front of the miserable son of a bitch and stared at him. “Go sit next to the white girl, I want to sit here next to this dog.”

The guy removed his headphones and looked at Spot as if he had lost his mind.

Lauryn was excited that this dog said something, because now this boy would go sit next to her. She even maneuvered in her seat so that she could be even closer to him when he finally sat next to her.

“No,” and he was adamant about this, “I’m not sitting next to that white girl.” He was still relatively close to her, and she could hear every word he said and watched the whole thing unfold. This guy talked about her as if she weren’t even there. “No way in Hell I’m sitting next to her. Look at her. She spent all that time fucking getting ready and looking like that, she has to be neurotic. Plus, look at that shit, with her legs crossed and her arm propped over the seat next to her; 50 bucks says if I sat there, she wouldn’t even move and I’d be stuck there shriveled up in that tiny area where her arms and legs don’t reach. Fuck that. You sit next to the white girl. Fuck you.”

This alone was sad enough for Lauryn, as she saw all of her hopes and dreams of ever being with this boy vanish.

Spot looked over at Lauryn, who was watching them, and turned back around to the fucking asshole who wanted to be a raccoon. “I am NOT sitting next to that white girl! You! Get your ass up out of that seat, and go sit next to that white girl. I want to sit here next to Pepper.”

“Who the fuck’s Pepper?”

“Yea mother fucker,” said Pepper, “how do you know my name? You don’t know me.”

“She don’t even like your stupid ass little mutt fucking asshole self,” he said to Spot, “now go sit next to the white girl and shut the fuck up.”

“Mutt? Who you calling a mutt? You think you can degrade me cuz your mama probably looks exactly like this fucking white girl (stresses) here (points at Lauryn). It’s pretty sad when you don’t even want sit by someone who looks exactly like your mama.”

“My mama doesn’t anywhere near resemble (stresses) that white girl. What? Are you saying your mama looks like Pepper? That’s it? You want to fuck your own mom?”

Lauryn finally sadly stood up and declared, “Fine, I’ll get up…if none of you want to sit by me, then fuck you.”

Unfortunately, nobody heard her. Right as she got up, Spot bit the loser who wanted to be a raccoon. He grasped a hold of his sleeve and shook it while the degenerate prick attempted to whack him over the head with a newspaper. Another dog jumped in, and a full brawl ensued that saw chicken feathers ruffling, cats jumping in the seat, the bus driver (a big ass fucking bear) stopping the bus and storming back to break up the fight. Lauryn sadly got off the bus without anybody noticing; she had a broken heart.

31. Dolly Parton
"I Will Always Love You"  2:56
Locust Ridge, TN

Since Stewart had left, Julie had bought another cat named Audrey. Cooper and Audrey had been the best of friends, and even lovers. However, Cooper felt that Stewart was still his best friend, and was in a desperate period where he really needed a friend. He always remembered the time Stewart visited him at the vet and saved his life, so he felt he owed it to him. The trips back and forth had become burdensome, and he was spending more time with Stewart than at home. After careful consideration, Cooper broke the sad news to his household that he was leaving home to go live with Stewart.

Audrey was deeply saddened, but did her best to try to understand. As Cooper was packing his bags on his final day, Audrey sat in her room and cried, singing in the mirror as Cooper said goodbye and they hugged. She insisted that she would always love him no matter what.

30. The New Birth
"Wildflower"  6:31
Comin' From All Ends
Louisville, KY

After Lauryn got off the bus, Sergio the rooster exited and followed her. A band consisting of Noodles the other love stricken terrier and Bob the centipede perched from the rooftops and played music as Sergio walked passed her. The rooster, with a smooth talking deep pimp voice, crooned sweet words to Lauryn and she went to his home and went inside. He said pleasant things to her, and even tossed rose petals on the floor for her to walk upon; he put on his finest suit and prepared her a fancy dinner—chicken feed.

(1:55) Lauryn being the white girl that she is did not react well to the chicken feed. She turned green in the face, clutched her stomach, and ran to the bathroom. The poor white girl was projectile vomiting and the regurgitated chicken feed was even shooting from her nose.

Sergio walked over to the bathroom and stood by the door, saying romantic things to her while she vomited. “Baby, you look so good with your face down in that toilet, I want to make sweet love to you all night long.” (4:00) Standing by the door dressed in an elegant suit watching Lauryn vomit profusely into the toilet, Sergio narrated to Lauryn the entire spiel from the song; even tossing rose petals into the toilet for her to puke on only the finest luxuries.

29. Wigwam
"Prophet/Marvelry Skimmer"  8:40
Helsinki, Finland

BBC Reports: Even still today, there are many species of animals who are unaware of the phenomenon. For instance, animals who live reclusively in desert areas may be clueless that they now have the ability to communicate with other species. These animals live alone, and only see other animals of their own species during mating season. A large number of theses are but small creatures who often fall prey to predators ranging from hawks to coyotes. Any sight of life, the animal’s natural instinct will instruct them to run far away and hide…they only come out into the open when it is completely safe.

Some animals have very little interaction with humans anyway, and many of them have never even seen a human being. Elk who live in the cold northern woods are rarely spotted by humans. Exotic animals living in the savannah may never see one human being their entire life. And, there are those ultra-rare endangered animals, and the rumored species such as the Lochness Monster, that very few people have ever seen, even on TV.

These breeds of animals do possess the ability to communicate with each other now. Some of them had heard news about a species called humans, places called cities, and advancements in technology. However, even though they have heard these things discussed, as word had traveled via birds, the subject matter in the discussion was sometimes totally alien. When a giraffe in Africa heard stories about other giraffes becoming renowned celebrities starring in films and playing in rock and roll bands, they had no idea what any of these concepts actually pertained to. Life was similar to the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy.

It was but recently when BBC’s Planet Earth captured the first ever video footage of a snow leopard in the wild. A crew returned and tracked this snow leopard down in order to speak with him. He agreed to do an interview for the show. It took several hours of negotiations, and it was quite difficult to earn Lorenzo’s trust. His world is but a cold mystery to most, as is our world to him. But, let’s bring him out now…

(6:12, “introducing…my friend from the fields”) Lorenzo walked out on the stage and received a standing ovation. He was joined on the stage by Charlie the hamster, Bob the centipede with his backing band, and a panel of other animals (several of them being other members of the cat family). They clapped the best they were able and welcomed the reluctant Lorenzo onto the stage. Many laughed and smiled at his awkwardness as he was still in shock all of these species understood each other.

They showed him clips from Charlie’s movies and asked his opinion, in which he assumed “he could be a schizo, or maybe a queer.” They played music for him to see if he liked any of it, allowed him to try out a cloned cow burger, and showed him a hot sexy poster of lustrous bombshell Rachel Ray. Lorenzo couldn’t drive worth a shit and sideswiped a car simply backing out of the space. All in all, it was an enjoyable time for everybody, but Lorenzo returned to cold snowy ass forest and retreated the way he always had. “You all mother fuckers are crazy,” he said as everybody laughed and giggled.

(Side note: the track listing for this album lists this as two separate songs. However, I first discovered this on the Supernatural Fairy Tales box set, where it plays as one song. This is the version from the box set.)

28. Supertramp
"Asylum"  6:55
Crime of the Century
London, England

A study by National Geographic concluded that human beings and lemurs share one trait in common—they live in groups in which a female presides over them all. To be honest, Hershey was sick and tired of living in Madagascar—considered the whole population to be nothing but a bunch of imbeciles. His platoon consisted of a bunch of simple minded jerks, and that cunt Hazel was always giving him crap about his eccentric behavior and would frequently beat the crap out of him; in one instance, she knocked him out of a 12 foot tree.

Hershey refused to conform with these shit licking jackasses. He had a tail that resembled a raccoon, and often behaved in the same manner as the American raccoons who terrorize convenient stores and played in punk bands. However, the platoon was growing irate with Hershey’s odd behavior, and he purposely did things just to annoy them. For the most part, he tried to avoid them and their charade, but they constantly attempted to entrench him in their society…as if he were not permitted to live alone.

He gradually began to lose touch with reality, and lost all desire to be with his platoon. However, he was not depressed, he would rather be elsewhere. Then, he enjoyed the amusement that came with creating a disturbance in the group, mocking them, showing poor table manners, playing practical jokes, and belittling their nature. Hazel had finally seen enough and called the local mental institution to have Hershey committed. Hershey tried to fight them off and was dragged out of the forest in a straight jacket and tossed into the back of a paddy wagon.

27. Yes
"To Be Over"  9:03
London, England

Ladies and gentlemen…please welcome…Yes.

Except, the whole band did not come out onto the stage, only Steve Howe. Steve Howe took the microphone and made an announcement of his own.

Ladies and gentlemen… Bob the centipede.

In the studio, Steve Howe had performed the (1:51) complex arrangement of guitars, sitars, and other instruments by himself and overdubbed them on top of one another. Now, live on stage, he only needed to play one part, as Bob the centipede was able to play the rest with his 30+ legs.

Many many years ago, beings from another planet sent a probe to the planet Earth to examine the life. In that way, yes, we are being watched. However, being as the most of the Earth is covered with water, the probe went undetected and landed in the middle of the ocean hundreds of miles away from the nearest body of land. The alien race who sent this probe had concluded that Earth is 100% filled with liquid and all of the residents living on this planet are fish, stupid ass fish at that—the type of dumb shit fish who lurk around the bottom of the ocean sniffing a probe from outer space.

Back in those days, fish were fucking stupid and did not have the ability to communicate. Or so we assumed. But, that was those days, and this is these days. These days, fish have the ability to communicate the way they always have. However, rather than discuss this shit with other fish that eat other fish, fish now have the ability to express the ideas and opinions to anything regarded as an animal.

This group of aliens, technically, by definition, is considered animals. Fish have spoken to aliens and set up communication. However, we have no fucking clue what the fish told these creatures from outer space. All we know is that they encouraged them to visit and the aliens are coming. They are 387 million light years away from Earth though, and they said barring any sort of traffic delays in the Kuiper belt, they’ll be here whenever. Not sure what exactly that means, or how long this is intended to take; if the traffic in the Kuiper Belt is anything like downtown Chicago, we may never live to see it. Mapquest had estimated a travel time of 49 years.

(7:35) It had been confirmed that visitors from 387 million light years away are headed to Earth; not sure when they’ll be here exactly, but they are coming. People looked to the sky and in the water. Steve Howe and Bob the centipede ended the performance space aged guitar chords that only Steve Howe was capable of playing, and Bob the centipede playing the sintar exactly as he had been shown.

26. Kraftwerk
"Autobahn"  22:43
Düsseldorf, Germany

A long time ago, the vehicle was invented. Then, a highway in Germany was developed that had no speed limit. Back in those days, animals were struck by vehicles and smashed into the road. That was those days; this is these days…and these days, animals drive on that highway with no speed limit.

All of the same animals who were once commonly struck by cars paid tribute to those who were lost before the miracle. They now drive with smiles, many of them stoned; they had their own highways that was more than likely unsafe for humans and their over concern with their paint jobs, amateur laws, regulations, and old people. Some of them acted like wild animals behind the wheel. But for the most, it was a chill ride with surreal landscapes, with the tunes cranked up, some of them drove kind of slow, and many of their vehicles were much smaller than the average vehicle—the larger vehicles had their own roads too.

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