Part 1: Emily
Part 2: Sonja
Part 3: Jim Donaldson
Part 4: Sex Addiction
Part 5: Sign Language Abuse
Part 6: Jeanelle
Part 7: Very Cold, Very Quickly, For a Very Long Time
Part 8: No Love For Any of You
Part VIII: No Love For Any of You
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
"Origin Song" 3:10
Jeanelle arrived home with a pregnancy test. She went to the bathroom and discovered the reason her period had not arrived. It tested positive, she was pregnant. I had not come home yet, so she went to store and bought another one. Same results, Jeanelle was pregnant. She had mixed emotions about this and wasn’t sure how she was going to go about telling me. For the most part, she was somewhat happy about it, but she knew I wasn’t going to be and was afraid that it would scare me off.
However, I had not come home yet, and she was wondering where the hell I went. As she was beginning to get angry as to why I wasn’t even answering my phone, she was mumbling death threats under her breath as to what would happen if I did not come home or respond to her calls soon. Unfortunately, we had not been together very long and she was yet to meet my parents. Even though I had spent every night at her house the past couple months, and the cause of her unexpected pregnancy, nobody bothered to inform that I had died. Also, because of me, she did not watch the news either. They had mentioned a suicide bombing at the bank, but the primary suspect was not yet determined. Most people had, at least, heard that it happened. She did not hardly sleep that night because she was so angry thinking that I had finally decided to break up with her and not tell her directly. As she was lying in bed, she was torn between bitterly scolding for being such a pussy, but now that she was pregnant, I had to stay with her.
23. Field Music
"You're Not Supposed To" 2:37
Write Your Own History
She spent the entire next day trying to reach me, but to no avail—my phone had exploded at the bank. Finally, she went to Gomer Gopher’s to confront me as to why I wasn’t answering my phone and to tell me that she was pregnant. However, she was met with a somber group, and my co-workers informed her that I was dead. And, that she could see it on the news. She had heard about somebody suicide bombing the bank, but did not realize that it was me who committed the crime. Being as she was pregnant, and found out the father of her baby was recently killed him in an explosion, she, to say the least freaked out and caused a scene at Gomer Gopher’s. With her animated speech, and in a state of mental disarray, she told a few complete strangers that her boyfriend committed a terrorist attack; they assumed she was insane and laughed about it the entire evening—sometimes falling on the floor with tears in their eyes thinking about the way Jeanelle spoke to them.
22. They Shoot Horses Don't They?
Boo Hoo Hoo Boo
Vancouver, BC, Canada
After spending the night crying and becoming more emotionally drained, she became so upset that her head got fucked up with the type of delusional insanity that causes a person to make decisions like the rest of us. This is why I never wanted to date her. She blamed Rob for the whole incident, and went into an emotional frenzy thinking about her darling baby never having a father. As she delved on the reality at stake even further, she grew to despise Rob to the extreme she wanted to do something drastic to him. Ideally, she should have visited a psychiatrist; or been happy about the whole incident that I was finally out of her life for good. The baby would either have a decent father or she could have an abortion.
21. Sunset Rubdown
Montréal, QC, Canada
The next day, she went into Gomer Gopher’s with a gun. Her face and hair was a wreck, and she barely resembled the person we had all hung out with at the concert. However, they knew it was her because even in this condition, she spoke articulating her syllables while displaying sign language. Once she spotted Rob, she drew the gun from her purse and unloaded the chamber. All the kids at the birthday parties eating pizza thought this was awesome and that it was part of the show.
20. Kite Flying Society
"Tiger Stripes" 3:00
Where Is The Glow?
San Diego, CA
Rob had already been through the war and was out on bail facing 10 years in prison. He had numerous stories about how he survived enemy attacks and how somebody else died instead of him…this was difficult for him to cope with. Unfortunately, it happened again. After the gun was unloaded, and Jeanelle was standing at the counter in frenzy with smoke pouring from the chamber, Rob was not wounded. However, a bullet had ricocheted from the wall, and Hank the loveable foul mouthed midget was dead on the floor with blood gushing from his mascot head—the mascot that nobody had any clue what the fuck it was even supposed to be. The newspaper printed photos of the dead mascot lying on the floor and put it in the front page of the paper.
"Up With People" 7:50
Happy New Year
New York, NY
She dropped her gun and tried to run out the door, but she was crying so hard that she collapsed in the parking lot, bawling. Everybody else gathered around Hank’s dead body, shaking him, freaking out that he was now dead. They all hated Jeanelle, that fucking bitch killed Hank. Some of the girls from work ran outside to beat the shit out of her. When the police arrived, they witnessed a teenage girl kicking a pregnant woman in the face.
18. Masta Killa
"East M.C.'s" 5:00
Made In Brooklyn
New York, NY
Jeanelle was placed in the car and charged with murder. I never spoke highly of her to my co-workers. All I ever told them about her was that she got on my nerves for the way she spoke and I did not want to be pressured in another relationship. They often referred to her as “that crazy bitch” and that’s how they spoke of her to the police. She wasn’t even permitted bail. It was a huge scene at Gomer Gopher's as near riot conditions were developing and a crowd of spectators had gathered around. They witnessed a frantic sign language interpreter articulating silliness to the police about why she came into the children's restaurant with a gun, the teenage girl cashiers had beaten her to where she had bruises on her bloodied face, and there was a dead midget dressed in mascot apparel lying on a stretcher with a large group of people standing around mourning in tears; all of the people gathered around Hank gazed at Jeanelle; they wanted her dead. Ideally, they would have been permitted to fight it out gangsta style in the parking lot- mascots vs. interpreters.
"Black Sand" 3:14
In Cod We Trust
Her lawyers entered a plea of “not guilty” with intentions on having the charges dismissed on the grounds of temporary insanity. Furthermore, they insisted that she keep the baby because her obvious pregnancy would make jurors more lenient. Plus, she was a woman and juries had a tendency to be more lenient on women anyway, especially those who devote their lives to helping children with handicaps. Rob was a heroin dealer, and that was to be known. She had no intentions on killing Hank. It was an accident based on temporary insanity caused by a soon-to-be convicted drug dealer.
16. Arctic Monkeys
"Fake Tales Of San Francisco" 2:58
Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
The state was pushing for the death penalty. Rob was a veteran who served his country overseas and protected our valuable freedoms to be able to impose death penalties. Furthermore, she knew she was pregnant and intended to commit murder anyway—which makes her an awful mother—that is enough grounds for the death penalty in the eye of the average television viewer. Her innocent victim, was loved by children all over the world…children who could actually hear…children who spent their hard earned money at prestigious American corporations such as Gomer Gopher’s. And, the fact that she committed this horrendous murder in front of children made her even worse. According to the prosecuting attorney, she should have been stoned out in front of the court room (so long as it did not injure the baby, but once the baby was born, it should live a life of shit and go off to fight in a war).
15. The Black Angels
"The Sniper At The Gates Of Heaven" 4:17
Herman showed up in the classroom and Jeanelle was not present. There was a different interpreter present, and the professor was not familiar with this person. She asked Herman where the other girl was (the new person interpreted the question). He answered the question to the new interpreter, and she said out loud just as he signed, “she is currently in jail because she accidentally shot and killed a midget.” The other students looked at Herman differently anyway, and were not prepared for this answer. It was silent for just a moment, then suddenly the entire classroom erupted with laughter, and they could not stop laughing…many of them had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard. Even the professor could not stop laughing and class had to be released early.
14. Sonic Youth
"Do You Believe In Rapture?" 3:11
New York, NY
Rob died of a heroin overdose. It wasn’t accidental and ruled a suicide. He had left a suicide letter that stated he was fully responsible for everything that had happened. “I am to blame for all the mayhem that has happened, not her. Real heroes do not fight in wars in other countries, nor instigate wars in their own country. Genuine heroes are those who have the ability help others strive to achieve success. Soldiers do not do this. People who blindly supported the war while we were there, but not our struggles when we returned, are not heroes. Hank was a good man, and a dear friend. If I had to say, Jeanelle, the girl who killed him while trying to kill me, is probably a hero, and far more heroic than myself. This country teaches people that it is OK to kill for what you believe in, she is a soldier.”
13. The Mirrors
"New Day" 4:38
Italy perhaps (Not Cleveland, not League City, TX)
The court made a mockery of Jeanelle while she was on the stand. She was crying, nervous, and in a frenzy; she was also noticeably pregnant by the time she went to the stand. Prosecutors ridiculed her saying that she didn’t even need to kill Rob, that she simply could have done nothing and Hank would have been spared. Furthermore, whenever she would become overly emotional, it was difficult to understand what she was saying, and she articulated everything and resorted to sign language. She must have looked funny when she did all of this, because the entire time she was crying on the witness stand, the rest of the people in the court were laughing at her for the way she spoke. Even the judge could not keep a straight face. The prosecutor purposely said things to rile her up and make her cry because it was quality entertainment to the rest of the people in court. Dealing with turmoil, she would overreact, only to be laughed at by the courtroom audience.
12. Television Personalities
"All the Young Children on Crack" 3:13
My Dark Places
Two of the deceased had children on the way. There was, of course, my baby with Jeanelle. But, Hank had a baby on the way too. That fat bitch that he and Albert fucked at the club got pregnant with twins, one being Hank’s the other Albert’s. The fact that Hank left behind a child somewhat offset Jeanelle’s dilemma, but at least this baby had a father—Albert. Spectators who had no business following this case whatsoever were concerned for the children. “It’s a crying fucking shame about those God damned mother fucking shitty ass kids,” they would say to each other in church.
11. The Red Krayola
Albert took the stand and told the courtroom that I hated Jeanelle and never really liked her to begin with. He told everybody that I never even wanted to be a relationship with the dumb bitch and that the way she articulated everything annoyed the shit out of me. When he told everybody that she supposedly did this shit during sex, the courtroom laughed so hard that it needed to be adjourned temporarily. Jeanelle appeared heartbroken and devastated with the harsh words that Albert related on the witness stand, and put her head down and cried. He concluded with, “this neurotic ass crazy bitch killed somebody over someone who didn’t even like her…tells you how fucked in the head she is.”
10. Karl Blau
"My Johnny" 5:56
Herman met a deaf Mexican at a store. She was cute, and ideally they would have made a great couple. However, Herman did not speak Spanish and there is a difference in sign language from English to Spanish. Because they were the only two hearing impaired people present, and obviously a minority, they felt the need to at least speak to each other. Herman was en route to court to testify on behalf for Jeanelle. He attempted to tell the young woman that he was going to court because his friend, his interpreter at the college was on trial for murder; and that she had shot a midget by accident because her head was in disarray because her boyfriend at the time had committed a terrorist attack by suicide bombing his bank. Unfortunately, the means in which this story can be related via sign language that could be understood universally may seem a bit off-kilter to other Walgreen’s customers passing in public. The two were given puzzling looks while Herman was pointing his finger making gunshot noises in the tones that deaf people are prone to make, while trying to describe a midget dressed in a bizarre mascot costume with sign language.
9. Some By Sea
"Only One Bullett" 8:33
On Fire! (Igloo)
Once upon a time, I went to a café to order coffee. It should be known, that this is something not a single person in the world knows about—that is, unless people can read thoughts. I was not fully awake and therefore not thinking coherently. The cashier was a cute teenage girl (not implying intimate desires), she was friendly, petite, and smiling pleasantly. She was never rude to me. I had my own coffee mug, and after I paid, she kindly asked me with a smile “are you just going to fill it up in there then?”
“Yes,” was all I responded as I walked away to the coffee area. However, in my head, I thought to myself: “What the fuck is it any of your business what the hell I fill my coffee in?” I poured my coffee, sipped it, and it dawned on me why she would ask that—her job required her to give people either glass mugs or plastic cups to customers who order coffee. It wasn’t even that bad of a question to begin with, and there was no reason whatsoever for this derogatory thought to even enter my brain. She did nothing to merit this sort of disturbing thought. As I was leaving, I glanced over at her, and she looked so innocent, smiling with another customer. I felt so ashamed, and so guilty about this thought entering my head, that I felt I truly deserved all of the bad things that would ever happen to me. It was well out of my control to prevent this sort of thought from entering my head; just, boom, it showed up…there was nothing rational about it. Having uncontrollable irrational thoughts, coupled with the notion of extreme empathy for all people these thoughts may be directed, leads to frequent questioning of one’s character.
And I met an old man on the other side. He had been drinking at a bar where the other patrons were much younger than he; he wished to remain young and participate in all the events with the others. It snowed that night. People were throwing snowballs at each other, and somebody hit the old man in the face with the snowball. To prove his manhood, he laughed about it. The people thought it was cool that this old man, in his 80’s, could endure getting beamed with snowballs and laugh it off. They kept throwing snow balls at him, pegging him in the face. Finally, they went inside, and he was sitting at a table with some friends. He had become a topic of discussion among the other patrons. The old man was leaning back in his chair—some guy brought in a snowball from outside and hit him in the face with it—knocking him out of his seat. He was bombarded by a rash of snowballs inside the bar. The old man looked stunned from the last attack—it was growing increasingly difficult to conceal the pain—he was, of course, over the age of 80. A big muscular guy took aim with a snowball that had turned to ice and landed a square shot to his face, dropping the old man flat on his back. Everybody laughed merrily while the old man died on the floor at the bar.
I was experiencing feelings of guilt for taking out the customers at the bank; perhaps I had no right to kill them all. The old man, my cell mate, was struggling with forgiveness issues for those who ultimately were responsible for his death—maybe even himself. He wished that he could go back and either A: not participate in the snowball fight; or B: return to the Earth and seek vengeance on those who attacked long after the initial snowball fight had ended. The man told me that he hoped that some of the patrons in the bank were affiliated with the people in that dark dingy bar. He recalled a dark dingy room, a stripper playing pool, but she was lost. The pool table was excessively large and there was a container of McDonald’s French fries blocking the corner pocket. It was an odd shaped pool table, with a crevice in the side. A shooter had the opportunity to sink two balls at once, and if he applied the proper English on the cue, it would spin off and also drop the French fries container in the corner pocket.
However, just before attempting the shot, the big screen revealed that his dear friend was a stripper, and she was attempting to fraternize with the type of people who enjoy the company of strippers. While trying to make the shot, his pool stick broke in half and he completely missed the ball. Instead, he found his friend who seemed lost. He attempted to give her directions, not directions in life, street directions, go north, turn right, street directions on how to get to the college. He put his arm around her and walked with her. Everything was closed. In order to get from one area to the next, they had to cut through a convenience store that was dim, dingy, dusty, and closing up. His friend, the stripper, never came out of the store—it was as if she simply vanished into thin air.
Another patron tried to attempt the shot with a broken cue stick. There was no chalk. He kept nicking the cue ball, rolling it barely inches, but then trying to swat it with the cue. His opponent thought about whether or not to call a foul should the cue ball move more than six inches. He swung at it several times before it rolled the required six inches. Once it rolled seven inches, the McDonald’s French fry container flew into the air and off in the distance.
8. Belle & Sebastian
"Mornington Crescent" 5:40
The Life Pursuit
The world itself is a beautiful place. The blue sky is pretty, the grass is pretty, the colors match nicely, trees are nice, and all the aspects that comprise the planet are lovely. It is the people and the structures they have erected that negate the elegance of the Earth. I could never find the beauty in people. Actually, people are beautiful; I considered myself too ugly to ever be a part of their group. It was best that I remain distant—all attempts to conform led to adversity.
7. Stuart A. Staples
"This Road Is Long" 3:44
Unlike me, who wished to remain distant from the majority of society, Jeanelle actually attempted to be a part of it. Unfortunately, it backfired. She tried to fit in with a group that felt as if she did not belong. As a result, she is sitting in a jail cell, pregnant, and crying hysterically. I can remember her happy, sitting on the couch smiling, putting her arm around me, and looking so cheerful. If a person was to watch a video of Jeanelle’s life, it would appear that she only made one irrational decision…and that was entering Gomer Gopher’s with a handgun with intentions on shooting somebody. The two people who have claimed responsibility for this are now dead—that being myself and Rob. I take full responsibility though; and I’m sure Rob does as well although I am not sure of his whereabouts. But, just like my uncontrollable thought regarding the poor girl at the coffee café, I have no idea how many other uncontrollable irrational thoughts had entered her head that nobody knows about. Perhaps if I noticed that she was capable of doing these things, I would have confided in her more; but she seemed too pure for me, too beautiful. I wonder how the baby will turn out—her pregnancy is extremely noticeable now.
6. The Exploders
"Fuzz Bomb" 3:15
Lake Bolac, Australia
After your dead, you find out some peculiar facets of your life that you never knew had happened. Sonja had constructed a pie chart analyzing the figures and percentages of the places in which I came on her—39% belly, 32% tits, 13% mouth, 7% ass, 9% other. There was not much I could have said because somewhere along the lines I had developed a pie chart of women who I thought about while I was having sex with her, the girl at Walgreen’s accounting for 61% of them. Emily watched the trial and hoped that Jeanelle would be found guilty and sentenced to life; somewhere along the way she wished Sonja could be put on trial as well. There was a video of a time in which I was angry, Emily was not, and she chased me around the house and pulled off my clothes while I was attempting to flee from her. The police interviewed the both of them, but no conclusion was made regarding these two. Within months, I was forgotten about and they finally realized that I was but a drunken mistake.
5. Candy Bars
"Enough to Choke a Cold Air" 4:53
On Cutting Ti-Gers in Half and Understanding Narravation
A large group of midgets had gathered outside the courtroom to protest the trial. They claimed that this should be viewed as a hate crime and wanted Jeanelle to receive harsh sentencing. Furthermore, they were protesting the way in which they displayed on television, with the commentators often making deragatory comments about their nature, and some felt as if they were being ridiculed during the trial. Too many people in the courtroom were seen snickering over the image of Hank dead in the mascot costume. For one day during the trial, people from Chuck E. Cheese and McDonald’s also showed up to protest because they were displeased with how mascots were being portrayed as well. The tension in front of the courtroom was growing restless, and police dressed in riot gear were called upon to monitor the situation.
4. The Elected
"Not Going Home" 4:45
Sun, Sun, Sun
Los Angeles, CA
Given the circumstances of the trial, most people would be given a reduced sentence for temporary insanity. In this particular case, Jeanelle was no different. She was found guilty, but it was determined that she was in a state of temporary insanity. The judge reviewed her case, took in consideration her past record and the fact several people had testified on behalf for her character, and she was sentenced to 1-3 years in a mental institution. Upon release by the doctors, she would receive probation and ordered to pay restitution. The majority of the world found this to be a fair sentencing. However, the midgets protesting out in front of the courtroom, as well as those who dress as mascots for their careers, did not agree with the verdict, found it far too leneint, felt their rights had been violated, and were angered immensely.
3. Built to Spill
"Conventional Wisdom" 6:21
You In Reverse
Immediately after the sentencing was announced, unrest started to unfold in front of the courtroom. The midgets were soon joined once again with mascots from all over the world as they chanted profantity towards the courtroom. A member of the news interviewed various midgets and mascots and aired them on television, assuming that this would be funny. Riot squad members attempted to supress the madness before it escalated any further, as barricades were raised and batons close at hand. They also were equipped with large quantities of pepper spray, and nearing the time in which they should be deployed. During the interviews with the news media, the crowd was easily heard shouting slogans, and the mob was pushing towards the courtroom.
"The Drowning End" 5:03
The Clever North Wind
Jeanelle was taken away in handcuffs. She was due to have a baby soon and dressed in the orange prison attire. After her sentencing, she cried as she felt her whole life was ruined based on one bad decision. As she was escorted out of the courtroom and into the police car, she was stopped by reporters who attempted to ask her a series of questions. The woman was still in a miserable state, crying, unable to coherently rationalize anything. Furthermore, the midgets began throwing cups and other debris at her, and the reporters. Finally, she was rushed to the police cruiser, placed in the back of the police car, and hastily sped away out of the scene.
#1. Acid Mothers Temple
"Pink Lady Lemonade (May I Drink You One Again?)" 20:40
Myth Of The Love Electrique
After the squad car raced away, the news anchorman attempted to give a commentary, but it was deemed offensive. The midgets charged after him, and it was caught on camera a pack of unruly midgets assaulting a newsman. Furthermore, a gang of mascots joined in as they had the newsman down on the ground kicking him.
The riot squad attempted to stop this assault, and rushed to the assistance of the anchorman. However, the moment they left their stations, civil disobedience ensued. The angry mob of midgets stormed the courtroom, busting out the windows, and vandalizing the property. They stormed inside the courtroom, and began turning over tables, destroying the judge’s corridors, knocking the bailiff’s typewriter to the floor, and assaulted the witness stand. Meanwhile, Herman and the deaf Mexican stood in the background watching the incident unfold. This should have been true love. Albert had a woman too, but was also disturbed about the outcome of the trial.
Mascots dressed in comical gear attempted to charge the courtroom as well. However, the riot squad turned to brutal tactics and it was all captured on video. They were seen pepper spraying Chuck E. Cheese, Ronald McDonald, and Grimace. Midgets were being slammed to the concrete and beat excessively with the clubs. It was complete madness on the streets.
Those inside the courtroom were not easily contained. A fire had been set ablaze and soon flames were shooting from the windows. An explosion took place, and massive amounts of debris was flying through the air. The fire and explosion did temporarily distract the riot squad who had to telephone for more authorities to arrive to the scene.
While doing so, midgets attacked the riot squad members. They fought back as a full-scale riot was taking place on the streets. Firetrucks attempted to rush the scene, as the mob tried to block the firetrucks. However, the fire fighters turned on the firehose and opened fire on the riot, spraying them back with the hose. There were bloody mascot heads rolling down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, midgets were unable to withstand the stream from the firehose, and they too rolled in a stream of water.
But, all parties were reselient. The fire fighters attempted to put out the courtroom blaze, and the mob of midgets and mascots remained unruly. A news reporter spoke into the microphone: What could have been a nice day has turned out to be a disaster. In the background, a hearing impaired man has found true love with a young woman, also hearing impaired, a Mexican. But, the world never noticed. We wanted destruction. We hate deaf people. We hate Mexicans. We hate midgets. We hate mascots. We hate the riot squad, we hate the police, we hate this fucking courtroom. Judging from this scene, we hate all of you. As the world burns, only one thing remains consistant…there is no love for any of you.
END CREDITS: Ol' Dirty Bastard
"Stomp Feat. Rza" 2:46
A Son Unique
New York, NY (1968-2004)
Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal
None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.
Band info and images by rateyourmusic.com
Playlists created at 8tracks
Special thanks to
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