Part 1: Emily
Part 2: Sonja
Part 3: Jim Donaldson
Part 4: Sex Addiction
Part 5: Sign Language Abuse
Part 6: Jeanelle
Part 7: Very Cold, Very Quickly, For a Very Long Time
Part 8: No Love
Part V: Sign Language Abuse
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
100. David Gilmour
"Then I Close My Eyes" 5:28
On An Island
Cambridge, England/Wisborough Green, England
When I woke up, I was freezing cold. It was broad daylight outside and I was still outside on the patio where I had been sitting all night. Apparently I passed out sitting at the table, and the employees just left me there overnight. I had no idea what happened, there was a lot of people here last night and hopefully none of them fucked with me…that’s something else we’ll file under what I don’t know won’t kill me. As I gradually came to, and clarity began to develop in mind, it dawned on me that my alarm never went off, it was relatively late, and this place was open and serving brunch. The patio was full of people eating breakfast and whatnot, and I had been here passed out at this table the whole time they were serving. Even worse, there were people sitting at my table, and they were speaking sign language to each other. I nearly panicked, but they were both looking over staring at me smiling. The woman said hello, the guy just waved. He was deaf, she was an interpreter.
99. Prussian Blue
"Hey Hey" 2:46
The Path We Chose
I said “hi,” but I was still confused as to where I was. The waitress came over and handed me a bill, she was bitterly rude. There were charges on the bill claiming I owed $20 for “general merchandise” plus two more drinks that I didn’t remember ordering. I inquired as to what the $20 general merchandise entailed and she rudely told me, “this ain’t a hotel.” They charged me $20 for sleeping on the patio, and I jokingly asked if I was entitled to room service or a free continental breakfast. She did not find this the slightest least bit humorous and I sensed that she was on the verge of beating me to death; she also informed me that gratuity was expected. I told her, “I understand. I’m sorry. May I pretty please order a coffee and add it to the bill please.”
98. Arab Strap
"El Paso Song" 3:58
The Last Romance
While I was sitting there at the table, the two patrons who were sitting at the table were communicating to each other with sign language and laughing. My head was spinning, it was bright outside, and I do not speak sign language. Their faces and sounds they were making were puzzling because she was very animated with articulating her syllables so that he could read her lips and he was making inaudible sounds that hearing impaired people are prone to make. I was most uncomfortable sitting here, and they kept glancing over at me, saying something in sign language, and then laughing hysterically about it. I knew they were talking shit about me, but I was too tired to get up and walk away. Including Jim Donaldson’s balls rubbing up against me, this is the most bizarre scene that I had ever woken up to.
97. Bluebottle Kiss
"Chained To The Wall" 3:29
A Little Bit Of Light
After a few more exchanges, the woman looked at me and asked if I was homeless. “No, not really. Maybe. I don’t know. I have an apartment, but I’m not allowed to go to it.” She gave me a puzzling look, and then I’m guessing she told him everything that I said in sign language. Luckily the coffee arrived and that immediately helped alleviate my coherency. I also ordered some food, whatever they were having. Fuck it, technically I was here first, and I might as well go ahead and further amuse them. The waitress claimed that I had to pay my bill first before I could order food, which was now $31. I gave her $40 and she never brought back any change. The food I ordered would be billed separately and I was now on a fresh clean slate…although I offered her my most sincere apology hoping that it decrease the amount of hatred she felt towards me. But, I suppose if somebody passed out at Gomer Gopher’s he/she would be regarded as a piece of shit, so I couldn’t blame her for thinking that about me. I tried to be as nice to her as possible and treated her with the utmost respect and courtesy. I was in the wrong here and admit to it.
96. Grizzly Bear
"Little Brother" 6:25
New York, NY
“What do you mean, not really?” When she spoke to me, she articulated her speech for me as well and even performed the sign language. I told her about my relationship dilemma and a briefing about Emily and Sonja. She then interpreted it to him, he responded with something, and they both laughed out loud until they had tears in their eyes while I just sat there looking confused and stupid. I really wondered what was so funny and was hoping she would fill me in. Instead, they conversed among each other for a few more minutes, and asked me another question. “Is this where you’re living now? Back here on this patio?” I sensed some sarcasm, and as she asked, with sign language, the guy muffled his laughter.
"Trains to Brazil" 4:03
Through the Windowpane
It was difficult to constitute this as verbal abuse, I suppose another form of abuse needed to be developed called “sign language abuse.” These two would periodically ask me questions and then proceed to make fun of me for whatever answer I offered. I asked them how they knew I wasn’t dead, and they claimed that I was sitting there shivering the whole time they were ordering their food. He did some sort of impression of me shivering to her, mocking the way that I must have looked that both of them found amusing. I was having a difficult time finding any humor in this, but I suppose I deserved it.
94. The Format
The waitress, on the other hand, was blatantly verbally abusive. She asked why the fuck I decided to fall asleep here on the patio and I simply told her that it was because I’m a stupid loser and that I have some sort of a birth defect, a mental disorder. As soon as I answered, she stopped the other waitress walking by, “we were right, he is a stupid loser.” I kindly asked if I could have a refill of coffee. She was over by the register entering an order in the computer and some guy came over to her with a coffee pot. He asked her something, and without turning around or giving any sort of hand signal, she said, “the stupid loser needs a refill.” The guy with the coffee pot didn’t even look around and simply walked right over to me and filled my cup; he knew exactly who she was talking about.
93. Jason Collett
"I'll Bring the Sun" 3:34
Idols of Exile
Toronto, ON, Canada
I couldn’t wait to finish my food and leave. However, I had to eat every last thing on the plate because between this and the charges for the fee, I was now out of money until tomorrow and would not be able to eat dinner tonight. Furthermore, I had no money to get on the bus, but had nowhere to go anyway. Luckily, I was off work today. The interpreter and the deaf guy had already finished their food and paid their bill. They remained sitting at the table though, making fun of me the whole time. Also, the wait staff would drop by periodically to make fun of me even more.
92. Eric Bachmann
"Carrboro Woman" 5:23
To The Races
Chapel Hill, NC
The interpreter told the waitress of my situation, even though I didn’t want her to—I didn’t express my desire for this to be a secret and I doubt they would have cared anyway. “Eww, gross! Somebody actually dated him?” They talked about me to each other and I was sitting right there. Our waitress even called over the other waitress and they all four conversed amongst themselves about how big of a loser I was, and at this point all I was doing was sitting quietly eating my breakfast. The deaf guy wrote notes down on a piece of paper and handed it to the waitress, who read whatever was written, looked at me, and laughed. I have no idea what he was writing about me.
91. Denise James
"A Word to Say to You" 4:24
Finally, I finished my food and requested my check; I apologized for being such a burden and that I would kindly pay my bill and leave quietly so they wouldn’t have to be bothered by my presence any longer. The way they talked about me, she should have rushed to get the bill and got me the Hell out of there. Instead, it took 25 minutes for her to bring the check. In the meantime, the interpreter and deaf guy stayed at the table, making fun of me. The waitress returned several times in those 25 minutes, claiming she forgot the check and it would be a while longer. Whenever she returned to the table, she joined in with the other two ridiculing me for what I considered to be no reason. Like I always do, I simply pretended like nothing was going on and went to my happy place.
90. The Avett Brothers
"Famous Flower of Manhattan" 3:52
Four Thieves Gone
Admittedly, I am both a pussy and prone to make horrible decisions. When she ran my card, for $9.18, I put a $10 tip on there. This was the worst service that I had ever received. Not only was she rude and constantly made fun of me, she also made fun of the way that I eat my eggs… I eat the whites first and then reserve the yellows for my toast and hash browns; upon seeing this, she jerked the fork out of my hand and busted up all of the yellows so that I couldn’t eat them the way that I like. What’s worse, I only had $19.07 in my bank account and the addition of the tip made the total $19.18. However, I was scheduled to get paid the next day, and it normally takes a couple days for the tip to go through when paying by credit on a debit card. But, that meant that I had no money whatsoever until my check went through.
"Love and Space" 3:38
New York, NY
When I left, the interpreter, Jeanelle, and the deaf guy, Herman, followed me out. I was a bit uncomfortable with them lingering around and did not wish to be around them anymore; I had taken enough abuse and needed to be alone. They asked me where I was going and asked how I was going to go about getting there. I did not wish to relate that I was in a bind, needed to walk a great distance to return home, and had no place to go. Jeanelle offered me a ride, but I turned it out down and made out that I was completely fine—said it was a nice day for a walk and declared that I had several places that I could go if needed. They finally left.
"European Oils" 4:55
Vancouver, BC, Canada
After they left, I sat on a city bench to have a cigarette and plan out the best route home. Somewhere in the midst of this, the waitress finished her shift and spotted me on the sidewalk. She should have ignored me, but instead opted to confront and hassle me even further. This waitress claimed that I ruined her tips for the whole day and was an embarrassment to where she worked and that I owed her more money. I didn’t have any more money and did not necessarily agree with her that I owed her more money. But, she grew more confrontational and even became hostile towards me, all the while continuing to ridicule me for not having anywhere to go. She even demanded an explanation as to why I did not wish to confront Emily or Sonja. I did not want to discuss this matter with her and only offered brief pleas of ignorance.
87. Cat Power
"Empty Shell" 3:03
Atlanta, GA/New York, NY
For some strange reason, she said I could come over to her place. I kindly rejected the offer, but she jerked me up by the wrist and made we walk with her, shoving me in the back in the direction that she wanted. Because I supposedly still owed her money, and because I obviously wasn’t doing shit else, she claimed that I had to go to her house and clean. She took me inside her house, which was not even two blocks away, and assigned me to wash her dishes and vacuum the floor.
86. Dr. Dog
Takers and Leavers EP
“See,” she said somewhat kindly after I was finished, “that wasn’t so bad.” She then sat me next to her on the couch and said that I also had to rub her feet. I found this a bit awkward, but did it with hopes that she would let me go soon. The whole time I was rubbing her toes, she did nothing but pry into personal life and express disapproval for all of it. She continued to ridicule me for everything I did, and when she found out that I didn’t even have a bed, she questioned why I didn’t stay with somebody else, questioned my decision making, and claimed that my desire for independence was unrealistic. “Well,” she said, “I have a nice comfortable bed.”
“Well good for you,” I sarcastically replied. She was really getting on my nerves and I was on the verge of walking out and deciding how I was going to go about doing it.
85. Watashi Wa
"10 Years and Seperating States" 4:45
San Luis Obispo, CA
In an attempt to sound nice, she said she felt sorry for me because I was such a loser. “All right, come on, you can take a nap here in my bed.” She pushed me into her room and made me lay on her bed. I just wanted to leave. Then she jumped up on the bed too and lay down next to me, propping her arm and leg over me telling me to take a nap. It was awkward as fuck, so I rolled on my side with back against and laid there trying to think of something to do. She kept her one arm and leg crossed over me and I tried to ignore it. I was torn between going to my happy place and facing reality that I needed to leave this place immediately as peaceful as possible.
84. The White Birch
"Small Hours" 4:15
Come Up for Air
“Do you know how easy it was to get you into my room?” I tried to ignore the question and pretended like I had no clue what she was talking about. “That’s how big of a loser you are. You washed my dishes, vacuumed my floor, rubbed my sweaty feet that I’ve been standing on all day, and then easily got into my bed. This is too easy.” When I first met this bitch, I was passed out on a public patio. Furthermore, I had not brushed my teeth since yesterday and looked miserable—there was no way any person in their right mind would want me in their bed. Plus, I really wasn’t expecting her to because all she did was talk about how gross I was all morning and kept calling me a loser.
83. Young And Sexy
Panic When You Find It
Vancouver, BC, Canada
She rolled me over onto my back and straddled on top of me; she pinned my wrists down on the bed with her hands. I tried to get out of her grasp, but she had me pinned down to where I was defenseless. “What are you going to do anyway?” she questioned with a sarcastic nature, “kick my ass?” I made another attempt to get loose, but I could not. She laughed at me and my attempts to free myself from her grasps. After she watched me struggle to get loose, and enjoyed a good laugh, she bit me on the lip and stuck her tongue in my mouth. While she held me down with one arm, she undid my shirt with her other arm and pulled it open. “Don’t fucking move,” she ordered me with her hand clutched around my throat, “or I’ll fucking kill you.” She undid my belt and took down my pants. Still on top of me, she removed her clothes, inserted my penis into her vagina, and had her way with me. I just went to my happy place and pretended like nothing was going on; I paid no attention to her whatsoever the whole time that she raped me. That is, until she came, and she dug her fingernails into my wrists while she bit me on the neck.
"The Thin White Line" 5:32
Ballads For Little Hyenas
After she came, she spit on my face and jumped off of me. She went out of the bedroom and closed the door. I laid there for a second and wiped the spit off my face. When I finally got up to get dressed, I heard outside the door bragging about how she just got laid. The fingernail indentions in my wrists were painful, and my neck was throbbing. I did not even want to look at the wound on my neck, but I imagined that it was red, had teeth marks, and possibly on the verge of bleeding. Fucking whore is what she is, at least now I could just run out the door and if she chased after me I could yell for somebody to come help me.
81. My Latest Novel
"Wrongfully, I Rested" 3:44
As I was in the process of getting dressed, the door opened and the other waitress from the restaurant entered the room. Without even saying a word, she punched me square in the stomach as hard as she could. It was a rough blow, and I buckled over in pain holding my stomach. She then punched me in the face as hard as she could and kept beating me until I was down on the ground. Once I was down, she kicked me in the side repeatedly, and straddled on top of me beating me in the face. After I was beat nearly unconscious, she got off of me, pulled me up to my knees, lifted her uniform skirt, and forced my face into her pussy. She was yanking me by the hair and hitting me in the head if I didn’t lick her properly.
80. B. Fleischmann
The Humbucking Coil
I had a bloody nose, so she dragged me into the bathroom where it wouldn’t get on the carpet. After I licked her pussy for several minutes, she shoved me on the hard tiled floor, slamming my head painfully onto the hard ground, and started taking off her clothes. If this wasn’t bad enough, the guy who refilled my coffee entered, beat me in the head with the door, and stuck his dick in my mouth while the girl was trying to pull my clothes off.
79. Bob Dylan
"Beyond The Horizon" 5:36
Duluth, MN/Malibu, CA
His dick was gross in my mouth and luckily my mouth was all bloody. I got blood all over his dick and made no attempt to suck it pleasurably. After he pulled it out, I spit all over the floor, blood and his dick germs; I made a valiant effort to spit on the throw rug in front of the toilet so that it would be ruined, that was my only defense. The waitress positioned me to where I was in a seated position and pinned my wrists against the wall. She straddled on top me, fucking me, kissing me, while I was trying to turn away from her.
78. The Dolly Rocker Movement
"Walk the Light" 2:25
The whole time the other waitress was fucking me, the dude who refilled my coffee had taken off his clothes. I was thrown across the bathroom floor to where I was half lying, and half leaning up against the bathtub. He had me in a full-nelson and was underneath me, thrusting his huge cock in and out of my ass. She was on top of me bouncing up and down on my penis shaft. I was struggling to get loose, and then he put me in a choke hold to where I was defenseless and could nothing but allow both of them to ravage me. I just leaned back and pretended like nothing was going on again; it was a prolonged visit to my happy place. Assuming from the loud grunts he was making my ear, and her obnoxious sex moans, it was obvious they were enjoying themselves—at least I was of some use to society.
While the both of them were raping me in the bathroom, the first waitress approached with her video camera and taped the whole thing. She was acting like she was an announcer and pretending as if this were a contest to see who could cum on me the fastest, and her comments made this shameful act even more annoying. It was a tie, at the same time, he grunted and groaned and shot his load into my ass. This was a gross feeling, because I could feel it squirt inside there and then gradually fill up and ooze out. The other waitress came all over my balls, and her orgasm was more violent as she shook and contorted my dick while it was still lodged inside her—my body was not designed to endure two grotesque orgasms at once, and I was twisted in multiple directions from both of them cumming on/in me. After she came, she slapped me in the face again.
77. Euros Childs
"First Time I Saw You" 8:06
Freshwater East, Wales
As I left, they referred to me as the biggest disgrace that had ever set foot in their restaurant. Luckily I didn’t have any more money, because they went through my wallet with intentions on stealing what was in there. I did, however, while they thought they would be robbing me, I stole all of their cigarettes. The cigarettes tasted nice, and I made certain that I remained on busy streets around people in case they decided to return for me. Fortunately, the teeth marks on my neck weren’t that bad, and I cleaned myself up at a convenience store. Walking around beaten and torn, with no place to go, after being mercilessly gang raped by the same group of fuckheads that gave me shitty service, a car stopped. It was Jeanelle again, the sign language interpreter.
76. Pink Mountaintops
"How We Can Get Free" 7:31
Axis Of Evol
Vancouver, BC, Canada
She was by herself this time, and told me to get in her car. I told that I was enjoying the weather, but it must have seemed obvious that was a lie. Jeanelle stopped the car completely, got out, and then dragged me into her car. Why won’t these people just leave me alone? They are correct. I’m a loser. I’m a disgrace to community. I’m ugly. I’m stupid. And I obviously have something wrong with me.
We went back to her house. I sat on the couch, she sat next to me, and sat a little closer than I would have liked. She took off her shoes, made herself comfortable, and her foot brushed up against my leg periodically. Me, on the hand, I sat there looking uncomfortable, scrunched up in my little space, attempting every means necessary to avoid any contact with her.
Jeanelle tried every means necessary to try and make me feel welcome and comfortable. I did not ever want to talk her and I had no desire to even be here. Furthermore, I had scooted all the way over on the couch to try and remain as far from her as possible. I sat on my hands, my scrawny legs tightly together, and I tried to occupy as little space as possible. But, she kept scooting over towards me, and touching me. She was asking a zillion personal questions and the interview seemed as if she was trying to decipher all of my personal dilemmas and psychological malfunctions. To her, it was amusing, and she laughed periodically at all the predicaments plaguing my life, my abnormal thought processes, and my unconventional way of thinking. Every now and then, she offered kindness, acceptance, insisted things would get better, and gave advice as to how I should manage things properly.
I did not find her extremely attractive, but she wasn’t that bad either. Her feet were pretty, and I kept glancing at one of them. Then nails had been previously painted and the polish was beginning to fade. Something about her foot looked innocent, and I felt somewhat sorry for her. Because she had painted those innocent looking toes, she at least possessed the desire to be beautiful and appealing to somebody. Jeanelle had a good heart, and she was nice; something in my mind resonated that I never wanted to see her hurt or to ever experience anything harmful or any pain that would ever sadden her. On that note, I felt that she was way too good for my presence and I wanted nothing more than to leave her alone. My curse would only ruin her.
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