2012/03/23

Paradigm Shift + The Top 175 Songs of 1974

Paradigm Shift + The Best Songs of 1974
Chapter 1: One Wish
Chapter 2: August 22nd, 4:37 PM EST
Chapter 3: Paradigm Shift
Chapter 4: Cooper
Chapter 5: Frightening is the New Animal Friendly
Chapter 6: Wild Animal Instinct
Chapter 7: Midnight Lemur

Chapter I: One Wish


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



175. AC/DC
"Jailbreak"  4:42
'74 Jailbreak
Sydney, Australia

A year was long enough. Larry Buckingham never committed any crimes anyway. It doesn’t matter how he broke out, the bottom line is, he escaped. Perhaps it was fate, because the result of his freedom had far more implications on life on Earth than anything else in history. After a series of events, careful planning, Larry busted out of prison, made it safely to the ocean, boarded a ship, and castaway into the middle of the ocean. He was free.

174. Bad Company
"Rock Steady"  3:47
Bad Company
London, England

Nobody in their right mind could have foreseen that a man sentenced to prison over a joke, a crime he did not commit, would have changed the whole world as drastically as it did. In fact, nobody even considered this drastic change to even be possible. But, it happened, and will forever be known at THE paradigm shift that altered everything. And, it technically began when Larry Buckingham was arrested for prostitution and thrown in jail indefinitely.

173. Three Man Army
"Flying"  3:08
Three Man Army 2
London, England

After several days of rowing in the desolate ocean, Larry Buckingham finally reached land. He was on a deserted island, way out in the middle of nowhere, and not one single person on Earth had any clue of his whereabouts. This was exactly how he wanted things. There was enough plant life on the island for food, and if needed, Larry could fish. The deserted island was now the place Larry called home. And in the history of the Earth, Larry is the only person ever to call this island home…and only the 13th person to ever even set foot on it.

172. ABBA
"Honey Honey"  2:56
Waterloo
Stockholm, Sweden

The last time Larry was seen in regular society was at City Market. Prior to being arrested, Larry was happily laughing with some of the other patrons in the establishment. A cashier joined in on the laughs, but claimed Larry took the joke too far and became angry. However, even her being angry was comical, and that spawned more laughter. Little did anybody know, the playful anger would change the whole world.

171. Pilot
"Magic"  2:59
From the Album of the Same Name
Edinburgh, Scotland

While standing in line at City Market, two women standing off to the side were joking around about prostitution. Upon hearing this, Larry jokingly stated that he was a male prostitute, and had been for well over a decade. At first, they thought he was serious, and asked, “Yeah? Do you do a lot of business?” In which Larry responded, “No, I’ve never had one single customer.” The ladies laughed out loud at this remark.

170. Gladys Knight & The Pips
"On and On"  4:18
I Feel a Song
Atlanta, GA

Larry proceeded to elaborate about his failures as a prostitute. He contended to have circulated flyers near the Bingo Hall in which one lady had offered him the Tupperware set she won as a door prize. Larry regretfully refused the Tupperware set, and stated that if he knew now what he didn’t know then, he would have accepted the offer and could boast that he had at least one customer. He then proceeded to discuss his extravagant Black Friday sale where customers would receive buy one get one free should they arrive before 6:00 A.M.—7:00 A.M. and nobody showed, Larry simply went back to bed. He satirically suggested that his next major promotion was going to be a coupon in the Sunday paper, possibly accompanied with a free sample similar to the ploys used by mouthwash and dryer sheets.

169. 10cc
"Somewhere In Hollywood"  6:39
Sheet Music
Manchester, England

When they asked his rates, the response generated even more laughter. Larry informed them that he charged $8.00/hr, which was slightly better than minimum wage. He proceeded to refer to himself as the Walgreen’s brand prostitute. “You know how at Walgreen’s, they have those shelf tags displaying regular aspirin, and the price tag says ‘Compare At’ showing how much cheaper the Walgreen’s brand in then Advil? That’s my marketing ploy. I have a price tag that shows me next to some buff muscular dude dressed as a fireman with the ‘Compare At’ rates, the buff guy $50 an hour, or however much they charge these days, and me, $8.00/hr. For the bargain shopper.”

168. Badfinger
"Got To Get Out Of Here"  3:31
Wish You Were Here
Abertawe, Wales

Had the women truly been offended, the world would be exactly like it is now. But, they laughed and asked more questions. “So, if we were to pay $50, than you’d get like six hours right?” Of course. The next question is where it all went wrong. “So, what if wanted just like 5 minutes? You know... a little quickie?” Larry told them that the rates would be pro-rated and a five minute quickie would cost approximately 68 cents.

167. Jethro Tull
"Skating Away On The Thin Ice Of The New Day"  3:58
War Child
Luton, England

Suspecting that these two middle aged women might actually shell out 68 cents for a 5 minute joyride, the normally unfriendly cashier angrily intervened. Being as Larry was a regular customer, and this cashier was unknowingly affectionate for Larry, she angrily shouted at him: “Larry! Go get your coffee and get out of here!” He apologetically put up his hands in innocence, apologized, and walked away. The ladies informed the hostile café employee that they were not offended, they were just joking, and this fucking whore should be less irate...she obviously had anger issues.

166. Harry Chapin
"Cat's In The Cradle"  3:39
Verities & Balderdash
New York, NY (1942)-Jericho, NY (1981)

The cashier approached Larry: “If you ever tell another group of middle aged women that you’ll have sex with them for a lousy 68 cents, I will fucking stab you in the face with a fork.” Larry claimed nobody was taking this seriously; she claimed they were preparing to offer him the 68 cents. They bickered back and forth; she was irate—he plead innocent. Prior to all of this, when Larry paid the cashier for his beverage, she withdrew 11 cents from the change jar in order for Larry to not have to break a large bill. In the midst of quarreling, the cashier grasped Larry by the throat and passionately kissed him openly in the café lounge. After a brief make-out session, she declared that was compensation for the 11 cents he bummed earlier.

165. Hurriganes
"Roadrunner"  4:17
Roadrunner
Helsinki, Finland

Maybe she was being overly protective, or maybe she sincerely had an attraction…the world will never know. She returned to her station, still mad, and argued once again with the ladies. They claimed, jokingly, that since she was permitted to spend 11 cents from the change jar, they were allowed to dissipate whatever loose change they had lying around in their purse. “No! He’s off limits to you two old hags! That’s my fucking boyfriend,” the cashier adamantly proclaimed.

164. Astor Piazzolla
"Adios Nonino"  5:38
Libertango
Buenos Aires, Argentina (1921-1992)

She coincidentally exclaimed this proclamation right at the precise moment he was leaving. “You’re going to need more than 11 cents for that status. For me to be your boyfriend, that’s a flat rate of $17 a month.” The ladies laughed again, Larry smiled, and the cashier became so furious that she stormed from behind the counter to assault Larry, who picked up his pace and darted out of the café. However, this ruthless bitch chased after him, and caught his monkey ass outside on the sidewalk; she snatched him by the collar, and shoved him back inside the café. “Let go of me, or else I’m going to yell for somebody to come help.”

After that response, it was now the bitchy cashier who finally produced a slight smile, “go ahead, and yell.” She forcefully pushed him into a chair in the corner table, and ordered that he had to sit there for 10 minutes.

“Oh, so I’m in a time-out now, is that it?”

“Yes! And if you move, you’re dead.”

163. Jane
"Mother , You Don't Know"  5:55
III
Hannover, Germany

Two police officers happened to be passing by and witnessed the two scuffling on the sidewalk. They entered City Market to inquire what the fracas was all about; one officer approached Larry and asked him a series of questions while the other approached the cashier to discuss the matter with her. The officers assumed that Larry had attempted to flee the store without paying for something and were prepared to arrest him for shoplifting, disorderly conduct, or something along those lines.

162. Manfred Mann's Earth Band
"I'll Be Gone"  3:40
The Good Earth
London, England

Larry did not wish to relate any information to the police. Perhaps he could have pressed charges on his own for false imprisonment, but he somewhat knew the cashier on a personal basis and informed them everything was under control. The cashier assumed the police would find the whole debacle amusing, also claimed there wasn’t any trouble, but told the interrogating officer that Larry claimed to be a prostitute; and that he notified two women he would have sex with them for 68 cents. She also mentioned that she had received sexual favors for 11 cents.

161. Willie Hutch
"Have You Ever Asked Yourself Why"  3:26
Foxy Brown
Los Angeles, CA (1944)- Dallas, TX (2005)

A line of customers formed and the cashier was suddenly busy. However, she did attempt to delay matters and informed the police that the entire escapade was intended to be taken humorously. However, they harassed Larry anyway, cuffed him, read him his rights, and arrested him for prostitution. He was escorted off the premises in handcuffs and placed into a squad car.

160. Bijelo Dugme
"Blues Za Moju Bivsu Dragu"  5:41
Kad Bi Bio Bijelo Dugme
Sarajevo, Bosnia

It should be known that Larry did not fully cooperate with the police. This had been a routine trip to the corner City Market and all he had brought with him was enough money to purchase his coffee. He did not bring his ID, and he and the interrogating officer disputed this concept. Once he was given the right to remain silent, he utilized this right and refused to tell the officers any information regarding his name, social security number, or anything. In fact, he did not speak a single word to the police. Even after they placed him in a jail cell, he still refused to relate his name, age, anything; he did not utilize his one phone call either.

159. Aretha Franklin
"Without Love"  3:49
With Everything I Feel in Me
Memphis, TN/Grosse Pointe, MI

There he sat for over a year, never saying a word, and nobody knew where he was. The cashier did not know him all that well, only knew his first name but not his last name; she obviously didn’t know his social security number or his address. For most of the duration he was in jail, Larry slept. One can only imagine what life must have been like on the outside for a person to take such drastic measures over this issue, lose all concern, and spend most of his time sleeping soundly in a jail cell. Perhaps it was these aspects that ultimately led to the decision to completely alter the entire world.

158. Gift
"Blue Apple"  4:15
Blue Apple
Augsburg, Germany

Regardless, he is out now, and living on a deserted island. Not one single living person has any awareness that Larry Buckingham is isolated on this remote island. Furthermore, Larry will never be found. When the world changed so drastically, nobody had any clue how or why it happened. Completely unexpected, one day just totally out of the blue, the strangest thing happened; something nobody could ever explain, and something nobody ever suspected was ever someday going to happen—much less at the time that it did.

157. Ace
"How Long"  3:24
Five-A-Side
Sheffield, England

Larry had been abandoned on the island for a prolonged period. In the outside world, people were searching for him, but not too extensively. His friends and family had assumed he took off somewhere, but finally filed a “missing persons” complaint when he never returned any of their calls…his phone, along with his ID, was left at home during the last visit to City Market. After the jail break, the descriptions of the escaped fugitive matched that of the missing person. All was well… his friends and family knew he was hiding out from the police and would probably return soon; the police finally obtained some information and realized that he was not a criminal. They proved their point by keeping him in the cell for over a year and were no longer concerned with his whereabouts.

156. The Isley Brothers
"Midnight Sky"  6:56
Seasons in the Sun
Cincinnati, OH

On the island, Larry learned to enjoy his new life. The weather was always nice; he did not have to work, and no longer had to deal with the burdens of a society he was out of tune with anyway. His days primarily consisted of exploring the island, eating the tropical fruits that grew abundantly, and sitting around doing nothing. Although he often reminisced about his friends and family, and contemplated “what ifs” had he never engaged in that conversation at City Market, for the most part, he was content. The island life was nice and he accepted his fate…he was now free to do whatever he desired.

155. Seventh Wave
"Fail To See"  4:06
Things To Come
Britain

There were birds and various other animal species who would visit the island. Larry was friendly with the animal life and spoke to them frequently. They became his only friends, and he felt as if he enjoyed the presence of sea birds more so than people. Furthermore, animals would leave him alone, unlike people. And, they did not make silly laws, there was no prison, and he would never be arrested for prostitution. However, he did frequently wish that some hot babe would just wash up on the shore. Or better yet, a real life Sex Doll…maybe one of the Disney ones. Life would be perfect then.

154. Millie Jackson
"I'm Through Trying to Prove My Love to You"  5:49
Caught Up
Thomson, GA

Missing out on love was perhaps his biggest regret. He had never married, nor had any kids and his reasons for being single were endless. Many days he would dream of that ideal woman or how things would be different. All of his ex-girlfriends ended up being neurotic in one way or another, and he had decided that he was going to remain single until he found his soul mate. But, he also blamed the girl at City Market for him being thrown in jail, and declared her just a neurotic as the rest of them. Larry decided he no longer needed a woman, and gave up contemplating any sort of everlasting relationship. His sex life was not bad on the island. He had dug a hole in the sand, and perfectly lined it with leaves so that it felt exactly like the real thing. Furthermore, he had traced the outline of a perfectly shaped woman in the sand with absolutely perfect breasts… albeit made out of sand and sticks.

153. Sahara
"Rainbow Rider"  8:41
Sunrise
München, Germany

This island contained some euphoric inducing berries in which Larry enjoyed the effects. After eating the berries, he had hallucinatory experiences, and he could actually envision a real woman while he was humping that hole in the sand. Larry would often get totally baked and just wander off and explore the island. It did not matter what he did, he had the island entirely to himself, there was no set time to be anywhere, and there was not one particular spot he called home. He was free to wander around whenever or wherever he pleased…and that’s exactly what he did. Then one day, totally unexpected, Larry was wondering around the island heavily intoxicated and spotted a lamp lying in the middle of a patch of bushes. After he opened the lid, guess what happened to pop out? No fucking shit… a genie.

152. Bobby Bland
"When You Come to The End of Your Road"  3:10
Dreamer
Rosemark, TN

When Larry found the genie, he was fairly intoxicated from the euphoric berries, and therefore shocked when the contents were released. This genie had been stranded in a bottle on this island for centuries. Yes, he was that magical genie who granted wishes and all that shit. The Kings had finally figured out a way to kill genies and viewed them as a threat to their kingdom; so somebody bottled this mother fucker up in a lamp and ditched his monkey ass on this island. Larry freed him, and, of course, was granted one wish.

151. Henry Cow
"Half Asleep; Half Awake"  8:00
Unrest
Cambridge, England

There were so many options to choose from, but since he was only awarded one wish he needed time to think. He asked about the fable he had heard in which genies granted people three wishes. The genie was like, “nigga please! You mother fuckers don’t know nothing about no genies. Plus, I’ve been trapped in that bottle for ages, that’s all I have left is one wish. You know, we just had a limited number of wishes we could grant, and that’s what started the war anyway…who gets to select the last wish. So that’s what we did, put my monkey ass in a bottle, declared that asshole king wasn’t going to make the wish, and whoever found me whenever would get the last wish. So, whatever you wish for, I can do it.”

The genie was a bit disturbed where he had wound up. Trapped on this stupid island out in the middle of nowhere. He immediately suspected that the last ever wish was going to be used on… “I wish I could get off this island.”

But, no. Larry was a wanted man, fucked up on some euphoric berries, and really had no desire whatsoever to leave the island.

The genie’s next guess was that this island was going to be full of hot luscious babes. But, no. Larry was finished with women. After thinking out loud, Larry nearly, so close, wished for a Disney Real Life Sex Doll—the black Queen from Snow White to be exact. Then, he nearly wished for an entire collection of all the Disney characters. Then, the island was nearly full of, not hot luscious babes, but an assortment of Real Life Sex Dolls. he almost wished that this man genie looked like Barbara Eden.

Money was no good here. Back in the days of ancient Babylon when genies ran rampant in the streets, that’s what people wished for most frequently…I wish I had a million dollars. But, no. There would be no money here.

Finally, Larry made his decision. Nobody on Earth knew of this genie or knew a wish had been granted. Furthermore, when the genie granted the wish, it was not solely delegated to this island…it had to be universal.

His wish: Larry wished that all animals could talk and possessed the ability to freely interact and effectively communicate with all humans.





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