Chapter 1: The Beautiful Landscaping Stone From Outer Space
Chapter 2: The Slight Spread of a Small Growth
Chapter 3: The Miracle We All Feared
Chapter 4: Extraordinary Benefits vs. The Carpet
Chapter 5: The Age of Miracles
Chapter 6: 25 Song Music Montage: The Spread Continues
Chapter 7: The Shingles Clean-up Committee
Chapter 8: FS=N
Chapter VI: 25 Song Music Montage: The Spread Continues
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
75. Death From Above 1979
"Little Girl" 4:36
You're a Woman, I'm a Machine
Toronto, ON, Canada
It was a new day, in a new era. Renaldo stepped out onto his porch dressed in tailor fitted black pants, a designer button down shirt, and cool looking shoes. He put on his sunglasses and walked over to his rad looking sports car. After brushing off all the shingles from his windshield with the wipers, he cranked up the stereo, put the sports car in drive, and proceeded to zoom off really fast. As he raced to his destination, he drove past several patches of shingles that were now all over the place. Even the police car taking radar had a patch of shingles on the cruiser, and the cop turned on the lights and attempted to pull Renaldo over. However, Renaldo did not stop for the police, and a high speed chase ensued involving wicked turns that spun shingles from the concrete and a crash into a parked car.
74. Les Savy Fav
"Bringing Us Down" 3:04
Providence, RI/New York, NY
The chase lasted all the way through downtown of the city, where many of the skyscrapers now had visible patches of shingles. Renaldo whipped his car into a tight space a hastily dashed inside the building, ignoring all warnings from the police and avoiding the gunshots that were fired at him. Security attempted to stop him in the lobby, but Renaldo twisted the guard’s wrist and flipped him into a potted tree that was covered with shingles. He raced down a marble hallway, shoving people out of the way, with the police still chasing after him.
73. Kings Of Leon
"Taper Jean Girl" 3:06
Aha Shake Heartbreak
Mount Juliet, TN
A photograph of the CEO of this corporation in a bikini hung from the wall, and patches of shingles had somehow filled in his eyes and mouth. The fleeing fugitive darted onto the elevator, pressed the button to go the 13th floor, and barely escaped the police who could not reach the elevator in time. As he rode the elevator, he observed the patches of shingles that were hanging from the wall and along the banister. Once on the 13th floor, Renaldo walked casually down another hallway, elegantly decorated, expensive office suites, and rows of shingles along the fluorescent lights in the ceiling.
72. The Libertines
"What Katie Did" 3:50
Overweight business men sat around a conference table talking about shit that nobody gave a flying fuck about whatsoever. The expensive table was made of luxurious oak and contained several patches of shingles. There was a plate of bagels resting directly on a patch of shingles on the next table next to the unblemished pot of steaming coffee. A couple of these fat bastards even had shingles attached to their neck ties. Renaldo opened the door to the conference room, drew a machine gun from his inside his coat, and shot every single person seated at this table. After they were all dead amidst a cloud of smoke, he opened the window and jumped out, descending 13 stories.
71. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
"Envelopes Another Day" 5:09
Los Angeles, CA
Some college students were sitting around their dorm room where they were supposedly studying. Instead of studying, they had been passing around a water bong, and the room was completely filled with smoke. A sexy girl, totally baked just like the rest of them, lifted her head looking at the ceiling after she toked her massive hit; she delicately brushed her fingers down the patch of shingles that had grown down her neck. Another girl was tripping out on her own hand which had been most of the way covered and the patch had extended to her wrist.
70. Jolie Holland
"Poor Girl's Blues" 5:26
Houston, TX/New York, NY
Desolate Row was the area of town where all the vagrants and homeless people contemptibly reposed in alleys. A female street musician was singing and playing on the corner alongside her band. The main road and the corner in which she played barely had any shingles at all. The alleyway, however, was completely covered. Walking down the row of unkempt vagabonds, they stared up at the people passing by, faces dirty, mean looks, rotted teeth, enormous patches of shingles all over their body. One of the people in the alley was totally covered, lying inside a sleeping bag; nobody went to his aid.
69. Keren Ann
"Spanish Song Bird" 4:15
Not Going Anywhere
Outside another café, the atmosphere was much more pleasant. It was a nice day and people sat outside on the patio enjoying their lunch. From afar, we could make out all of the patrons enjoying the nice day, the wonderful food, and the waiter even had a happy smile. Business was good too; every seat was filled with decently dressed people who were all conversing joyfully about the latest Rachel Ray recipe book, shit they had watched on television, and a variety of other topics. Four women were seated at one table, eating salads, and drinking fruity cocktails. They appeared to be enjoying themselves, as they all laughed about something. One of the women brought along her baby and the thing was sleeping soundly in a car seat. The baby’s face was completely covered with shingles. Each of the four women had lovely smiles.
"Weave in Your Hair" 2:24
At first, the street was vacant. Suddenly, a parade of people came strolling into the picture from around the corner, seemingly moving and dancing to the beat of the song. They were led by a happy looking 30-something male in a nice suit. He had a wonderful smile, decent dance moves, and a few shingles on his shoes. Dozens of people were frolicking behind him, each of them participating in the walk/dance to the beat of this song individually. The scene was depicted from one angle; as the cavalcade flowed along, we caught a glimpse of each person’s patch of shingles somewhere on his/her body as they looked fabulously cheerful. A city employee even popped his head up from the sewer lid that was in the middle of the street, smiling, waving his arms in the air, and a patch of shingles on his hard hat.
67. Single Frame
"Comm. Jet (Creepykid Remix)" 3:52
Wetheads Come Running
He entered City Market and immediately noticed the girl he had developed a major crush on. She was standing off to the side talking and smiling with her co-workers. He envisioned that he had drawn a huge red heart around her beautiful face that was now half-covered with shingles. She turned to him and smiled; and that day, he finally smiled back and said something to her. While seeing hearts flutter into the air, 1:41 into the song, all of the employees leaped onto the counter and appeared to lip synch and dance to this song in unison while the two finally spoke to one another. Then, all of the other patrons stood on their tables, and joined in on the song and dance, more people entered pumping their fists while they smiled joyfully to the music. For the song’s finale, a random couple locked lips…his lip appeared to be pierced with one single shingle; she looked as if she had a mustache.
66. Clare Bowditch and the Feeding Set
"Big Man" 3:48
The family was seated around the living room; it was dark, a fire was brimming, and all the furniture was old as fuck. Aunt Gertrude, with her hair completely pulled back in old style fashion, was seated on the dingy couch knitting. Some old man was sitting on a recliner with his slippers propped on a table, kids were playing with crappy toys, and the young couple—the parents of the children—were feuding. Both of the children had patches of shingles on their heads, and the toys were nearly covered with shingles as the boy kept scraping them off and onto the floor. The woman and the man were screaming at each other, while Aunt Gertrude looked up in disgust, shook her head angrily, and went back to knitting. Shingles had formed on the fireplace mantle where the man slammed the woman against the railing and grabbed her by the throat. Aunt Gertrude intervened and struck the man over the head with the stainless steel fireplace shovel and sent him crashing into the china cabinet; crashing the shingles covered dishes down on top of him. The old man in the recliner didn’t do shit, his legs were covered with shingles.
65. Division of Laura Lee
"Endless Factories" 3:42
Das Not Compute
The band emerged onto the stage of the small venue and proceeded to rock the house. They played with energy and tenacity, and the shingles attached to the electric guitar gave the guitarist an added appeal. Furthermore, the vocalist had an odd patterned patch of shingles across his face that made him look deranged while he gripped the microphone and pranced around the stage. Several members of the audience had patches of shingles on them as they continued to move and sway to the music. A 16 year old kid discovered one lone shingle on his can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, as he smiled and simply flicked it off the can and into the crowd.
64. Blonde Redhead
"Pink Love" 6:13
Misery Is a Butterfly
New York, NY
Once again, the newspaper reported the spread of shingles throughout regions of the world. A man walked by the newspaper stand, purchased the paper, expanded it, and briefly perused the headline story; actual shingles had attached to the column regarding the spread of shingles.
He walked through the park carrying his newspaper folded up under his arm and his coffee mug gripped in his other hand. The pathway had small patches of shingles scattered here and there, and the morning joggers seemed unblemished and unfazed. The man passed another man sitting on a park bench with the newspaper held out in front of him, concealing his face. The headline read: “They will resolve this issue soon.” As he glanced at that particular headline, the man held the newspaper down to turn the page—revealing his face. He was a large man, probably older, wore suspenders with his faded blue jeans, and his big round bald face was completely covered with shingles except for his eyes and mouth.
63. Sufjan Stevens
Detroit, MI/New York, NY
The man entered the building and into a laboratory. There were numerous other employees working in this lab and they smiled and greeted him as he entered. They were all working on the same thing, studying shingles under a microscope, applying drops of various liquids, and jotting notes on clipboards. Around the laboratory, there were several experiments being conducted. One cage contained a mouse without one single shingle attached to his fur sharing a space with another mouse that had been completely covered. A body was lying on the table completely covered, and a woman was seated in a chair with shingles only in her eyes.
62. Fourth Floor Collapse
From the Cold
Still image of a flowerbed with nothing in it. The sun comes up. After a few moments of stationary stillness, a small flower begins to sprout. As the sun shines down on the sprout, it gradually grows a stem, and then blooms into a beautiful flower. A patch of shingles forms near the plant and creates a single row leading up to the flower, with ants and other insects occasionally crawling across them. One shingle attaches itself to the stem, and then soon the shingles work their way up to the top of the stem. The leaflets under the flower which had a ladybug is suddenly soon covered with shingles, as the ladybug twitches and panics before being completely covered as well. Then, the flower itself becomes completely covered, one shingle at a time. The final still image is the flower standing erect, colors invisible to the human eye because it is totally covered with shingles.
"She Said We Could Make It?" 3:47
Thrift Shop Boutique
A couple was in the bathroom; the girl was seated on the closed toilet crying and the guy was attempting to comfort her. She was wearing only a tank top and a pair of panties, and the bottoms of her legs were completely covered with shingles. As she kept trying to brush all of them off of her, she was growing more frustrated because no matter what, there always seemed to be more. Finally, she threw a tantrum and swatted at them; swatting frantically at her legs, the back of her legs, and a patch on her back. Trepidation settled in as the guy was attempting to alleviate her dismay.
Unfortunately, her disillusionment intensified; she reached into the medicine cabinet, retrieved a razor, and without hesitation, she slit her wrist. Blood squirted ubiquitously as she spun around and fell into the bathtub bleeding. But, the slit too was soon covered with shingles and the bleeding stopped. Then, he was in disarray while on the phone with 911, as she sat in the bathtub endeavoring to detach the shingles from her wrist in order bleed to death. There were occasional spurts of blood, but these particular shingles were as fast acting as the world’s leading cold medicine claimed to be.
"Long Time Coming" 4:00
Faded Seaside Glamour
Another woman awoke in a good mood and went about her daily routine. She brushed all of the shingles off her baby’s face, scooped up the child from the crib, and joyfully kissed the healthy smiling baby and rubbed her nose against his. Out to the car: she brushed the shingles away from the door lock, unlocked the door, and placed her baby in the car seat. She saw a girl she knew at the grocery store, and the two women pulled their carts off to the side and conversed about some things; the woman had ingredients for cookies in her cart. They said their goodbyes by means of swatting each other on the rear. The woman continued her shopping through the produce section, picking out an apple that had been covered in shingles…it looked perfect!
59. Black Eyes
Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati: a man approached the crack dealer in which he had made his purchase—exposed the baggie that now contained a product covered with shingles. The conflict led to a violent altercation that began with yelling at one another. The objectionable dealer shoved his customer to the ground. While lying on the street, the purchaser drew a gun, aimed with both hands, and unloaded into the chest of the crack dealer. The crack dealer spun to the ground, then rose to his feet, drew his gun, and shot the guy who had initially shot first while lying down on the ground. The dude on the ground simply rolled over and covered the back of his head with his arms, while bullets penetrated into his back. After taking several shots in the back, the customer returned more shots at the crack dealer.
More cars entered the picture shooting at each other, rifles out the window, shells flying in the air. After several rounds of shots, one of the gunmen in the vehicle finally landed a bullet in an area not covered with shingles. He lay scattered in the middle of the road, bloody, still holding his gun, dead, while the other participants in the shootout fled the scene.
58. Wolf Eyes
"Stabbed In the Face" 3:42
Ann Arbor, MI
The woman ran out of her house in fear. The disenchanted man chased after her. She was screaming, running away, and scared for her life. The disenchanted man caught up to her, yanked her from behind, slapped her across the face, and stabbed a knife into her side. He said some nasty comments to her, shoved the bitch to the ground, and returned home.
However, the wound was not terminal—although painful. The woman rolled around on the ground, in obvious pain, and slowly retracted the blade from her side. The moment the knife was withdrawn, shingles formed on her skin and eventually covered the wound. She simply laid in the yard, gasping for breath, clutching the knife. Within moments, the wound was seemingly healed and she returned to the house carrying the bloody knife. He was in the living room sitting in a chair looking angry. She snuck up from behind him, grabbed him by the back of the hair yanking his head back, and plunged the bloody knife into his eye. This wound was fatal and the shingles could do nothing about it.
57. The Cure
"End of the World" 3:36
Shingles had made it onto the big screen! A movie featured a scene in which a neighborhood became overrun with shingles. The people in the theater were sitting quietly watching the movie, eating popcorn, and all that shit. Right at the moment the scene that depicted a tree converting into shingles, a patch of actual shingles had formed on the big screen of the theater. It was considered ironic by many that the shingles formed on the theater screen the moment it was broadcasted during the film; murmurs from the audience ensued. But, as the patch of shingles enlarged on the screen throughout the duration of the movie, the consternation exasperated; this was a horror movie. They took a deep breath as they examined the patch of shingles on their ankles, checked their seats for more shingles, and was careful not to consume any in the popcorn.
56. The Veils
"The Nowhere Man" 3:54
Auckland, New Zealand/London, England
Douglas sat beside his late wife’s grave and mourned while he reflected upon his relationship with her. When the two met, 62 years ago, they were a young beautiful couple, and the images of the festivities surrounding their wedding was in black and white. The two gradually grew older, moved into a home, and shared numerous wonderful times together. It was an affair of true love, and through the duration of her life, the two never separated. At age 83, his once beautiful wife was stricken with cancer, and he held her hand and cried at her bedside when she sadly passed away. He had vowed that he would not fear his own death and promised to join her as soon as possible. His birthday after her death, Douglas went out and partied, got completely hammered, and even started smoking cigarettes. Not long after that, the shingles epidemic happened. Douglas is 84 years old, people claim he looks as if he is 45, three months ago he was terminally ill and looked every bit of 85.
55. Devendra Banhart
"This Is the Way" 2:53
Rejoicing in the Hands
Houston, TX/New York, NY
The musician took a seat on the table portion of a picnic bench at a playground and played acoustic guitar. Two kids were swinging on a swing set giggling to each other as they swayed back and forth; after several swings, one of the kid’s faces was covered with shingles. Another smiling child went down the covered silly slide; at the top she was cute, when she reached the bottom, her face was covered with shingles. Two more children were playing on a teeter totter together; as they went up and down, one of the children became totally covered with shingles and fell off of the board. An entire group of children were playing on a merry-go-round, holding on to the poles while another child spun them around. As the ride spun around faster and faster, all of the kids gradually became totally covered with shingles and were flung off the ride and rolled across the ground.
54. Teenage Fanclub
"Falling Leaves" 3:31
A happy young couple plopped down on the bed. He was shirtless and sat at the edge of the bed while she plucked all of the shingles off of his back. Once finished, she sat down, raised the back of her shirt, and he returned the favor. He flicked the last shingle at her; they laughed, and then rolled around on the bed. In Antarctica, a penguin was plucking the shingles off another penguin’s back by using his beak. Two lions were lying in a savannah next to each other and the male lion licked the female lion’s face, cleansing her of shingles as they nuzzled each other’s noses. At a home in Wisconsin, a kitten was removing the shingles off of a playful puppy. In Africa, a bird had landed on the back of a rhinoceros and plucked off the only two shingles from its fly covered back.
53. Dom Mariani
"Cold Cup" 3:00
Homespun Blues & Greens
Tops of the trees were covered with shingles, but as the picture swooped down, the rest of the tree was perfectly fine. This tree happened to be in an amusement park where shingles did not have any effect on the company picnic. People cracked open beers and shared laughs underneath the recreation shelter that had shingles on the ceiling; the rest of the area was shingle free. Small patches of shingles had formed on the support beams on top of the steep of the hill of the rollercoaster track,. The rollercoaster reached the top and then sped down the steep incline all the while people held up their arms, smiled, laughed, and transformed into shingles during the loop portion of the ride. There was a minor delay at the Drop Zone ride—after the ride was finished, all of the passengers had become covered with shingles and other guests had to assist plucking the shingles off of them.
52. Sonic Youth
"New Hampshire" 5:12
New York, NY
One minor slip caused the rock climber to become suspended on a vertical rock 15,000 feet into the air. He was holding on for dear life and it appeared that he was stranded. In an act of desperation, he retrieved a sharp blunt object from his backpack and stabbed himself in the side of the abdomen. The pain was excruciating and blood spilled down the side of the rocky incline. Not long after the wound, shingles formed over the wound and the healing process had begun. After that, he purposely banged his head against the rock protruding more blood from his forehead, and scraped himself repeatedly with the sharp blunt object. The self-inflicted wounds were soon covered with shingles as well, and in the nick of time, his entire body was completely covered with shingles. Once covered, he lost all bodily functions, released his grasp from the ledge, and fell down the side of the mountain; crashing into a rocky surface and tumbling down the side. He laid there isolated in the middle of nowhere still alive but unable to move due to the shingles; the man would never be found.
51. Papa M
"Turn Turn Turn" 16:22
Hole of Burning Alms
Flagler Beach, FL
A ship made its way out into the middle of the ocean and then stopped. One of the passengers was being forced to walk the plank. The captain of the ship applied a steel ball and chain around the ankle, cuffed his hands, and shoved the fucking asshole into the ocean. There was a loud splash, and the passenger gradually sank to the bottom.
During his slow plunge to the bottom of the ocean, the passenger’s arms became outstretched as they attempted to float. Furthermore, the passenger tried to hold his breath for as long as possible. Bubbles protruded from his nose as it was becoming more and more difficult to hold the breath. It was a long drop to the bottom.
The colorful fish in the ocean swam about as usual. A shark had contracted shingles and was having a difficult time removing them. She flapped back and forth trying to remove the shingles, but was getting covered as well. As she became more and more covered, she started to sink to the bottom.
A stingray swam by and the back of the stingray was completely covered with shingles. However, the fish still moved gracefully. Underneath the coverage of shingles, the stingray was perfectly unblemished and acted as if he did not even notice the shingles on his back.
Once the passenger of the ship reached the bottom of the ocean, he was totally covered with shingles. Moments after he hit bottom, the shark also had become totally covered and landed close beside him in the bottom of the ocean. The ocean floor had patches of shingles throughout but was not totally covered. A deep sea diver followed a path of shingles and it led to a gigantic area, miles in circumference, and was now the largest covered area in the world…this was where the major earthquake had originated.
Right next to the covered passenger and the barely flapping shark, another object had dropped to the bottom. A different diver scooped up this object and returned to the surface.
On his way up, there were patches of shingles on the coral reef. A jellyfish had developed a large patch and was swimming erratically. Dolphins devoured a large school of fish and were able to spit out the ones with too many shingles. A mother octopus realized her child was covered with shingles, could easily pluck them with 8 tentacles, and knowing the child was safe, her instinct was no longer required to starve herself to death in order to keep her baby safe.
The diver returned to the top with the object that had been covered with shingles. He placed the object inside the boat and the crew plucked off the shingles. It was indeed who they were hoping for, Billy, the 8 year old dentist from Harrisburg, PA. Unfortunately, the shingles became attached after he was dead, and there nothing anybody could do. The crew simply shrugged, tossed the child back into the water and cast out their fishing poles while drinking Corona beer and overlooking the horizon.
Top image by: http://www.rainbow-int.co.uk/images/uploaded/services/Mould%204%20225hpx.JPG