The Top 75 Traxxx of 2003

The Top 200 Songs of 2003 + The Decoy Project
Part 1  A Very Strange Visitor
Part 2  Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle
Part 3  Sofa Kingdom
Part 4  The Plan
Part 5  The Decoy Project I
Part 6  The Trial
Part 7  Prison
Part 8  The Decoy Project II

Part VI: The Trial

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

75. Lucinda Williams
"Fruits Of My Labor" 4:49
World Without Tears
Los Angeles, CA

The television and media mourned the supposed loss of 34 million dollars. Nothing else that happened that day even mattered. Camera crews from every station flocked to the scene and filmed the flames burning the shredded paper in the bags, captioned, “34 Million Dollars in Flames.” They set a somber tone, and filmed the bags burning in similar fashion they made a televised spectacle of The World Trade Center burning. In bars all across the country, people stood silently in front of the television sets watching the money burn.

74. Gillian Welch
"Make Me A Pallet On Your Floor" 2:45
Soul Journey
New York, NY/Nashville, TN

Satchmo and Rovanious comfortably flew back to the country first class. There was no threat of them being linked to the robbery and they were not a suspect. Even though they were now millionaires and could live comfortably for the rest of their lives, temporarily, they had to return to their old lives. Friends had fallen, and they were developing a means to resolve this issue. Satchmo stared out the window the entire duration of the trip. Rovanious leaned across his lap and stared out the window also. Somebody flew by and photographed them staring out the window from outside the plane.

73. Vic Chesnutt
"In My Way, Yes" 5:17
Silver Lake
Jacksonville, FL (1964)-Athens, GA (2009)

If anything good came out of Jake, Monica, Spartacus, and The Poodle being arrested, all of the other participants were completely off the hook. Furthermore, it would be foolish for any of them to rat out the entire plan because at the very least, the money would be there when they would be released. Walter bought a cute little safe that he kept underneath his bed to store his 30,000 or so $100 bills.

72. Sodastream
"Undone" 3:12
A Minor Revival
Perth, Australia

Jake spilled the whole truth to his lawyer…about something else entirely though. “I have nothing, yet I’m in major debt. All the shit I owe, taxes, bank fees, parking tickets, government shit…fuck all that. I work every day. And one day I was going through a stack of shit that people said I owed them, for the nothing that I have, and I said to myself…’fuck ‘em! I’m not paying them.’ I think it’s funny as shit that they aren’t getting their money. I’d actually like to see the look on their faces when they go to the mailbox expecting to see a payment from me and there isn’t anything in there. Good. I hope they all go bankrupt.”

71. The Unicorns
"Sea Ghost" 3:43
Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?
Montreal, QC, Canada

You know how you told that one mother fucker that he had the right to remain silent? Well, he took that shit seriously. Mother fucker ain’t said a word. Captain Carter entered the interrogation room. What is your name? Where is your ID? Who the fuck are you? Spartacus did not say a word, simply sat there smiling. After the questioning became too intense, he rocked back and forth… “Dahhhh!”

70. Lightning Bolt
"2 Towers" 7:09
Wonderful Rainbow
Providence, RI

Images had been created somewhere of Spartacus wearing his helmet with a cigarette dangling from his lip, gunning people down in cold blood. Same smile, same cigarette, but different people every time; some images involved him wearing a trench coat. He could be seeing walking through crowds of people mowing them all down, shootouts with the police, buildings exploding, burning in the background; Spartacus was portrayed in the same image as Keyser Söze or Charlie Meadows (John Goodman in Barton Fink).

69. Deerhoof
"Sealed With A Kiss" 3:34
Apple O'
San Francisco, CA

Monica sat on the stand and cried, saying she was sorry amidst sobs and tears. Then, she abruptly stopped and subtly laughed, “no, I’m just kidding. I don’t give a fuck about any of that shit. You know what would be really funny though?” The prosecutor snidely inquired, ‘what?’ And Monica said loudly and proudly, “If the American government collapsed.” It was silent for a second, and then the defense attorney snickered. Everybody in the courtroom gradually went from a smile, to a giggle, to an uproar of laughter. The bailiff was sitting at the typewriter holding his belly from laughing so hard. One member of the jury fell over the stand from laughing so hard. Everybody was laughing except for the prosecutor and the judge.

68. Cass McCombs
"What Isn't Nature" 4:49
Concord, CA/Chicago, IL

As the courtroom was roaring with laughter, Monica went on as if she were a comedian on stage: “You know, since they are obviously too stupid to sustain themselves…they have to resort to forcing its citizens to pay for its wars and office furniture.” The judge slammed the hammer down, shouted order, and attempted to intimidate Monica by demanding she keep quiet. Monica interrupted his sentence and shouted at him, loudly, “FUCK YOU!” She stood up, stared him in the eye, “Don’t fucking tell me what to do! Everybody else in here seemed to agree with my comment, and just because you don’t, nobody else is allowed to? FUCK YOU!”

67. K.C. Accidental
"Nancy and the Girdle Boy" 5:01
Captured Anthems for an Empty Bathtub
Toronto, ON Canada

The judge grew silent. Monica remained staring at him daring him to say something. Security neared closer, but was unsure what to do. Finally, Monica sat back down at the witness stand, uttered out loud, and obviously annoyed, “Jesus, so much for a fair trial.” Then she said to rest of courtroom, “You guys want to hear another joke? The American judicial system.” Once again, the whole courtroom erupted with uncontrollable laughter. At that moment, some random black guy entered the courtroom: “check this out,” he placed this photograph on the overhead projector for everybody to see, “this is the judge’s mama.” Everybody roared once again, and this time, even the prosecutor laughed out loud.

66. The Microphones
"Universe" 4:24
Mount Erie
Anacortes, WA

Have you ever witnessed a judge and the defense ganging up to ridicule the prosecutor? Never! But, you always see a judge and a prosecutor ganging up on the defense. The judge shouldn’t be taking sides. Why do they always side with the prosecutor? Because their money comes from the same people. From you. From you. From you.

65. Spiritualized
"Lay It Down Slow" 5:00
Amazing Grace
Rugby, England

The Poodle was on the witness stand, barking into the microphone. FLASHBACK: (No sound, just music, with occasional voiceover narration—barking) The Poodle, the man in the tuxedo, and the raccoon with the suitcase are walking through a park. A group of hooligans shoved the man with the tuxedo down to the ground and chase after the raccoon. The Poodle barked, but to no avail. The hillbillies surrounded the raccoon, pulled on his tail, and eventually captured him and put him in a cage. As they took the raccoon away in the cage, the poor raccoon held onto the bars and peered out at The Poodle, as if saying goodbye forever. The Poodle was powerless to do anything to stop it.

64. Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros
"Ramshackle Day Parade" 4:04
New York, NY/London, England

Anti-capitalist protestors gathered in front of the courtroom every single day for the trial. They held signs depicting images of money on fire and chanting rhythmic slogans such as, “Fuck It! We don’t need it! Let it all burn!” They would publicly display various disgraces of defacing official currency. They even had videos regarding currency portraits whipping slaves or removing Indians.

63. The Keys
"If Not For You" 3:50
The Keys

The random black guy cued up the video of the Alberta Darling victory speech in courtroom. In the video, she is seen saying, with her stupid ass annoying Wisconsin accent, “and we stood up for you (points to some random person), and we stood up for you (points to some other person). He paused the screen and declared “it’s more like…” The video was rewound with that high pitched fast backwards speech while everything moved back to the portion of the speech in discussion. The words “and we stood up for” have been replaced with the words “And we fucked over you, and you, and we fucked over you.” The white people in the video continue to clap anyway. So does the judge.

62. Joan Of Arc
"Staying Alive and Lovelessness" 3:08
So Much Staying Alive and Lovelessness
Chicago, IL

The jury for Jake’s trial consisted of 11 midgets, one of them being Robin Trains, and Shaquille O’Neal. They all appeared to be concerned with Jake’s testimony, and how he related the means in which he went from a happy childhood to a miserable adult all on the account of financial woes. “I think the cause for most of the unhappiness in this world is the struggle for financial equity. People will alter their natural personas in order to appear impressive to people who may provide them with more currency. I suppose I wasn’t impressive enough apparently, they don’t even think I even deserve adequate health care.” The members of the jury seemed sympathetic.

61. Scolohofo
"Right About Now" 7:32
New York, NY (Dayton & Cleveland, OH, Richmond, VA)

The next day, the entire jury consisted of middle-aged white people from the suburbs. It was deemed that any person with any sort of non-conformist, as in, not corresponding with standards implied on television, were incapable of jury duty. This is a role that should only be delegated to mainstream Americans. According to statistics in a recent survey, 93% of all Americans who watch more than 5 hours of television each week feel the defendant is automatically guilty. Any person who is found innocent is immediately compared to O.J. Simpson and deemed a disgrace for their entire lives. Not one single person currently in prison has been wrongly accused; prison is not that bad of a place; and it’s free. People such as former Green Bay Packer Johnny Jolly deserve to be placed in these places, which is commonly referred to as the world’s largest black community, where they can be anal raped, beaten, abused, and hardened even worse than when they went in for 6 years, that’s 6 years, for “crimes” in which not one single person was even violated. Thanks TV watching white people! I fucking hate niggers too.

60. The National
"Lucky You" 4:22
Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers
Cincinnati, OH/New York, NY

These damn protestors have no idea what they’re talking about. This is the real world here, where either you work or you don’t get paid. I went to a meeting today and listened to speaker show us all a bunch of charts and graphs depicting common knowledge any person could figure out. I’d like to see any of them do that. I save my money. I have never come up with a revolutionary idea in my entire life. Rather, I took somebody else’s idea, paid some people decent money to sit around and talk about it, make some plans, bought some cheap land, and then screwed over a bunch of other people to actually make the product. But, I had the money first, so I get the most money. I know these graphs, and what they mean. I’m a smart investor. I read the guide.

59. Sufjan Stevens
"All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!" 4:34
Detroit, MI/New York, NY

Bank robbery is a moral dilemma. We have to ask ourselves, what is more dishonorable? The actual act of robbing the bank of its assets? Or, the means in which the bank attained those assets? Some may suggest that the robbery is more unethical because the bank did not give the robbers permission, nor welcomed them into the store. However, the citizens did not grant full-compliance to the bank’s policies of fees and interest rates. But, the citizens need the bank; the bank does not need the robbers. On the other hand, it is the bank that created the world in which the need for the bank even exists in the first place…it’s this same world that created the desire to rob the bank. In order to even have a home, American society has required its’ citizens to depend on the minimal services of the bank just to even have shelter. And if a person does work, they are forced to do business with a bank in order to receive the compensation he/she worked so hard in order to obtain. Laws have been made to prevent people from seeking these services elsewhere.

58. The Bad Plus
"1972 Bronze Medalist" 5:21
These Are the Vistas
Minneapolis, MN

Some have implied that the bank worked for the money, and they now have the right to excise fees, penalties, and additional charges that could potentially ruin the well-being of another human being. Technically speaking, robbing the bank is working for the money. Furthermore, if you are willing to delegate the bank the right to dictate policies and create their own legislation, then you have to be prepared to grant those same standards to the ones who elect to take the money from them—but in a slightly different, more deliberate manner than the way the bank has taken the money from you.

57. My Morning Jacket
"Rollin' Back" 7:50
It Still Moves
Louisville, KY

Bank robbers could create their own regulations. They may charge the bank a $35 fee for having less than a desired amount in the stash. They may charge interest rates for the time it takes for the tellers to fill the bags. By doing so, even after apprehending all of the assets from the safe, the robbers are then permitted to send the bank a bill for additional fees they feel the bank still owes; it is the robbers who establish these fees whether the bank agrees with them or not, and if the fees are not paid, the robbers have the right to turn the bank over to a collection agency and harass them in the middle of the day while they are reviewing closing costs for a loan application.

56. Andrew Bird
"Weather Systems" 6:30
Weather Systems
Chicago, IL

The Poodle once again took the stand and barked into the microphone at the podium. FLASHBACK: The Poodle is swimming in the ocean. He reaches the bottom of the ocean and sees a starfish walking across the ocean floor. Upon seeing the starfish move, The Poodle barks at the starfish, sending bubbles from his mouth with each bark. After a few barks, The Poodle swims back to the top of the ocean. The waves are rolling. As we see more and more of the proximity in which The Poodle is located, he is out in the middle of the ocean and there isn’t land in sight. A bird swoops by and hoists The Poodle by his collar and flies him across the ocean. The Poodle has an excellent view from the sky. The bird lands on an island and releases The Poodle’s collar. For a short while, the bird and The Poodle converse about something, but we are not sure what because there is no sound, just music. Once on the island, the imagery of The Poodle and the bird transform to black and white.

55. Robert Wyatt
"Iinsensatez" 4:24
Bristol, England

We don’t even know who this person is. But, you have been found guilty of all charges placed before you…armed robbery, assault, murder, and all sorts of other shit. Do you have anything to say in your behalf? Spartacus merely stands there smiling, after a bit of silence, “dahhhh!” I hereby sentence you to 26 years in the state penitentiary.

54. The Trouble With Sweeney
"The Counterfeiters" 3:49
I Know You Destroy!
Philadelphia, PA

Jake McQueen, you have been found guilty of all sorts of crimes. We have decided to make an example of you for you have corrupted the mind of a useless retard, a dog, and a woman. As we all know, retards, dogs, women, and the 34 million dollars are all property of bankers and only exist to serve man, and perform tasks that will allow men to be lazy around the house and seem more intelligent by doing so. As a result of potentially ruining all of the integrity of the American establishment, I hereby sentence you to 497 years in prison. Fuck your 8th Amendment rights you little faggot! Now get the fuck out of here!

53. Bee and Flower
"Let it Shine" 7:17
What's Mine Is Yours
New York, NY/Berlin, Germany

Monica Stottlemeyer, you have been found guilty, do you have anything to say on your behalf. “Yes, you can sentence me to whatever makes you feel good, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to actually serve it. I’ll leave whenever the fuck I feel like leaving. You’re nobody special, your rules suck, this court sucks, you suck, FUCK YOU!” I hereby sentence you to life. “Oh, you don’t have the right to sentence me to shit.” The power invested in me by the state. “Oh, fuck your stupid little state. I had no part of that investment. And your precious little state blows ass. Fucking loser!”

52. The High Llamas
"The Walworth River" 4:37
Beet, Miaze, & Corn
London, England

And you! You God damn dog! You make me sick to my stomach. I can’t even stand looking at you. Your life could have been perfect; being made a spectacle of, ridiculed, tormented, forced to “beg” for food, “obey”, “sit”, “go lay down”, that’s what dogs are supposed to do…because we own you. (The judge throws a newspaper) Go fetch, boy. Fucking useless ass dog. I sentence you to death! You’ll be put to sleep at an animal shelter.

51. Larval
"Her Last Good Day" 9:08
Detroit, MI

The verdict caused an outrage. Monica did not go easily and simply did not allow the police to handcuff and take her away. She kicked at them, knocked one completely out, and threw things at them. On the wall of the courtroom hung a sketch drawing of a smiling Chinese Man jumping up to shoot a basketball.

The Poodle ran around and attempted to bite the guards. What did he have to lose anyway? He was being sentenced to death.

The protestors rioted as Jake was taken away.

It was a sad moment, some people cried. Other people carried sofas into the courtroom so they could watch. A bald headed green man showed up in the midst of a cloud of steam.

Kyle walked out of the courtroom and away from the madness. He walked over to a café and met up with the rest of the group. “Well, the verdict sucked…means that we have a lot of work in store for us.”

Image by: The Brigade


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