Chapter 1: The Beautiful Landscaping Stone From Outer Space
Chapter 2: The Slight Spread of a Small Growth
Chapter 3: The Miracle We All Feared
Chapter 4: Extraordinary Benefits vs. The Carpet
Chapter 5: The Age of Miracles
Chapter 6: 25 Song Music Montage: The Spread Continues
Chapter 7: The Shingles Clean-up Committee
Chapter 8: FS=N
Chapter VII: The Shingles Clean-up Committee
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
50. Brian Wilson
"Our Prayer/Gee" 2:09 + "Heroes and Villains" 4:53
Through a series of experiments, scientists developed the theory that shingles were more likely to form on potentially toxic substances as a means to purify and de-contaminate. Contradictory to that statement, scientists also developed the theory that shingles are most likely to form in pure areas of near perfection as a means to protect it. One scientist joked and simply concluded that shingles are most likely to form… period.
Street cleaners worked overtime, driving the large machines down the streets cleaning all the shingles off the road. New parking laws needed to be enforced. As the driver scooped up massive amounts with his vehicle, he noticed a large patch high above near the church’s steeple; there was no way to ever remove those.
"December Morning" 4:42
San Francisco, CA
The world did experience its’ usual climate change as the sun neared its direct hit on the Tropic of Capricorn. Although winter occurred for most, and summer arrived for many others, the shingles were unfazed. In the northern hemisphere, the insects and flowers vanished, and were simply replaced with more shingles. Snowstorms did not even affect the growth of shingles.
48. Weird War
"Moment in Time" 4:38
If You Can't Beat 'Em, Bite 'Em
A heterosexual couple was standing in line at a café preparing to order lunch. In line directly in front of them was a skinny boy wearing skinny jeans. From the middle of his back down to his shoes, his figure shared many quality characteristics with the figure of a beautiful woman (even though the front of him bore no such resemblance). As the couple stood in line, the heterosexual male could not help but notice that he had the perfect ass, and his long skinny legs was exactly what he always desired. He stared at his ass resisting the temptation to grasp it with hands, and attempted to restrain himself from delving into sexual lust with this boy. After they ordered their food and sat down to eat, the guy remained quiet for he realized this was the very first time in his life that he had a sexual fondness for another guy. His wife's ass needed significant improvement.
"Strayed Out" 4:12
Vancouver, BC, Canada
He was uneasy with himself for having these thoughts. The heterosexual faggot questioned why the hell this guy would go out in public dressed that way, and cogitated the injustice that the most perfect ass he had ever seen happened to be on another man. While he was pondering whether or not he was actually gay, he started to take a bite of his sandwich staring into nothing. His wife grabbed his arm and stopped him from biting into the sandwich, gave him a dirty look, brushed the shingles off the food that he was dangerously close to consuming, and warned him to be careful. Then, his thoughts turned to the notion that he nearly died.
46. Ambulance LTD
"Stay Where You Are" 3:45
New York, NY
Another meeting was established in a different conference room at the office building that looked exactly like all the rest of them. The speaker was dressed in a suit, and everybody else seated around the conference table was dressed in business casual—exactly like all the rest of them. Shingles had become a paradigm shift that required consideration when advertising products. No solution had been developed as the lugubrious speaker struggled for words. He stopped speaking; a pensive expression crossed his face as he succumbed to the reality that one of the members was fidgeting with some of the shingles that had formed on the table during the presentation—the topic of discussion was hope that shingles would be controlled. The atmosphere remained quiet and somber until something outside the window caught the attention of one of the associates seated at the table (the 2:04 mark of this song). They all diverted their attention towards the window, then suddenly they all arose and walked over to the window gazing out.
(2:34 into the song) A large crowd of people had formed outside the 13th story window of the office and at the building directly across from them. They were on rafters, moving swiftly up and down ropes, the same way the window cleaners work. But, they were not window cleaners, as many of these were middle aged people nicely dressed, a 50 year old heavy set black man in a tan suit, a smiling woman in a dress…they were actively, energetically, scraping all of the shingles from the sides of the towers with the usage of ice scrapers…and were performing this task with much enthusiasm.
"Ta Det Lugnt" 7:44
Ta Det Lugnt
An elderly woman was seated on her porch where we could see most of her aluminum siding was now covered with shingles. They were also scattered all over the porch, and the woman was getting too old to do anything about them.
(0:38) Some dude stood in the middle of the street with an electric guitar and proceeded to rip out a series of loud intense furious chords as he held the guitar with style, head down, and legs spread. There was some guy pounding on a set of drums.
Following the guitar assault, in unison with the chorus, the large group of people who had been on the scaffolding of the downtown skyscrapers emerged on the street, stormed onto the woman’s porch (bearing jolly smiles) and scraped all the shingles off her home, off the porch and walked back out into the street. They did this with every single house on the block, while the guy remained in the middle of the road shredding the guitar and the other guy pounded the drums into oblivion. The neighbors in the community stood at the foot of the road and watched them as they headed off into the distance, turned the corner, and headed out of sight. They all looked at each other, gave one another puzzling glances, and then walked in their direction to join them.
44. Eagles of Death Metal
"Flames Go Higher" 2:53
Peace Love Death Metal
Palm Desert, CA
The shingles clean-up committee began as just a few people and were now a large group of participants who stopped what they were doing to join them…which is why they were dressed the way they were. Rather than perceive this as tedious labor, the clean-up committee made a festivity out of the event. This was a moment to let themselves loose, however they pleased! Live music, dancing, laughter, provided entertainment all the while they paraded the community scraping shingles off the sides of buildings. The best part of this, there were no limitations on the fun they could have because they were providing a service to the community/world in which nobody else seemed willing to get involved…until now.
43. The Blood Brothers
"My First Kiss at the Public Execution" 2:49
Unlike global warming and various diseases, shingles was a prominent threat that could actually be witnessed firsthand. It wasn’t a matter that was theorized or going to take place over time, it was real and happening right before their eyes. When faced with a threat this imminent, you have to ask yourself: do you sit around and wait for “they” to fix it, or do you take action yourself? These people were not willing to except any notion that when the world was coming to an end, they sat around and did nothing.
42. Dizzee Rascal
"Fix Up, Look Sharp" 3:45
Boy in da Corner
Furthermore, when faced with possible extinction, people will question whether or not they lived their life to the fullest, achieved all of their ambitions, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Knowing that they had nothing to lose, and so much to gain, the shingles clean-up committee utilized the clean-up festival as a means to participate in a celebration of fun and world unity. The only rule was each participant had to periodically scrape a patch of shingles. Aside from that, people did cart wheels in the street, danced to the music, made out with strangers, and did whatever the fuck they wanted…and the cops couldn’t say shit!
41. The Go! Team
"Huddle Formation" 3:11
Thunder, Lightning, Strike
It was a spectacle that brought much joy to any person who happened to witness it, and even more joy to those who participated. Even those inside the bank smiled and danced about; one woman fucked the security guard in his chair while the rest of the committee took all the money out of the vault—cleaning out the shingles as well. All the tellers, security, those filling out forms, business transactions, no matter how they were dressed, happily followed the group out of the bank joining in on the fun. They tossed the money up into the air like confetti; people smiling, grabbing a bill, scraping a patch of shingles from the brick wall, and watching the numbers of the group multiply like shingles.
"Walk The Moon" 6:32
Knowing Everyone's Okay
Somewhere along the line, Charlie had lost all hope in the human race. This had happened prior to the shingles epidemic, and the reaction of people around him only strengthened his notion. He sat perched on a balcony wishing he had the ability to escape the planet Earth and establish habitation on the moon…which should have been done ages ago. Charlie felt as if people had worked together sooner, sought greater desires than upper 1% wealth, than this problem would have already been resolved.
(3:46) Then he looked down and saw something he never had seen before. He was several stories in the air, and the view of this was from up above. There they were, the shingles clean-up committee, not only doing something beneficial, but enjoying themselves in the process. It was a beautiful image that nearly brought tears to his eyes. He sat and pondered for a moment after they passed, and re-evaluated his stance on the human race, then re-evaluated his stance on himself.
He rushed down the steps and ran after the group. Once Charlie caught up with them, they were heading down an alleyway right at the moment the song had stopped. Charlie pushed his way through the crowd, up towards the front, then yelled out a loud “ahhhh!!!” all the while he ran down the alley with arms fully outstretched scraping off shingles from walls on both sides of the alleyway at the same time. The crowd cheered; Charlie’s depression was relieved.
39. Acid Mothers Temple & the Melting Paraiso U.F.O.
"Hello Good Child" 8:02
Does the Cosmic Shepherd Dream of Electric Tapirs?
There did exist some communities, such as the city in Japan that had been ravaged with the tsunami, that were completely desolate. However, these types of eerie regions had spread beyond that one particular city in Japan. Although no other entire cities had become completely covered, there were several homes in which all of the residents had become immobile due to shingles coverage. Most of these were houses and communities that were primarily populated with elderly people. Dingy homes with little light coming in from the windows, covered in dust and shingles, cobwebs with a shingle covered spider in the middle of the web, and a body lying motionless on the floor. Nobody knew how long these people had been down on the ground, or whether or not they were even still alive.
38. The Elected
"7 September 2003" 3:56
Los Angeles, CA
It was a typical wedding, just like any other wedding. The bride wore a beautiful white dress and the groom looked fabulous in his tuxedo. Both the groomsmen and the bridesmaids looked wonderful; each lusted over the other while walking down the aisle. Several people had shown up for the wedding, the ceremony was nice, and some people cried in the audience. Finally, the minister announced… “You may kiss the bride.” (2:34- “Yeah baby…”) The groom lifted the bride’s veil and (“…I do believe I’ll never see your face again”) her entire smiling face was covered with shingles. He kissed her anyway, and they turned and smiled at the cheering audience. He raised his hand into the air, dressed in a tuxedo, his bride with her shingles covered face joined elbows with him, and they walked up the aisle amidst flashing photographs, confetti, and flowers being tossed into the air.
37. Franz Ferdinand
"Take Me Out" 3:57
The wedding reception started off relatively normal…and calm. There was nothing particularly unusual about any of it, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t fabulous either. People emerged onto the dance floor and danced decent, but not too outrageous. That is, until 55 seconds into the song when the shingles clean-up committee burst onto the scene. A sexy older woman immediately walked up to the bride, wiped all the shingles off her face, and then made out with her on the dance floor. The groom was staring in pure bewilderment until he was attacked by both a man and a woman who took turns forcing their tongues into his mouth. The rest of the committee danced around, scraped all the shingles off the dance floor, off the walls, off the punch bowl, and helped themselves to the luxurious cake that had a patch of shingles sprouted on top of the monogram.
"That Man Will Not Hang" 3:00
The Difference Between Me And You Is That I'm Not On Fire
Mr. Tucker lived all alone in a dingy home and did nothing but sit around and read dull literature. He never broke the law, had only had sex with two women (combined length, 19 seconds), and the only concert he had ever seen was Barry Manilow. For the most part, he only listened to classical music and only discussed pro-republican prude matters. The loud guitar riff startled him, almost as much as when his front door was kicked in and the committee invaded his home. Debbie was smoking hot, shoved him down in his chair, and proceeded to scrape all the shingles off his kitchen. Mr. Tucker made some attempt to stop this madness, rested his hands on one of the guys in the group, and explained something to him… “the story it was a boring one, and honestly, I tried to stay awake.” The guy interrupted him, grabbed his wrists, “born to hang and proud of it!” and French kissed him in his own dining room. They shoved him to the floor, cleaned up all the shingles, and left.
35. The Hold Steady
Almost Killed Me
New York, NY
Although there were numerous problems in the world, for one day, a significant amount of people cast them all aside and actively participated in something that was beneficial to the community. The news helicopter followed the large group walking down a city street and heading into a rough neighborhood. Fires brimmed from the garbage cans, ruins of abandoned buildings scattered on the corner, and street gangs ruled the sidewalks. Unafraid, the shingles clean up committee marched down the crime-ridden street in the exact same fashion they had in other neighborhoods, led with fists in the air and walking with a swagger. They scraped off shingles from boarded up buildings, scraped shingles of graffiti laced brick walls, shoved gangsters to the side, and ripped clothes from homeless bums scraping shingles from their backs. A gang leader put his gun down the front of his pants, straightened his jacket, and encouraged his men to follow along with them.
34. The Roots
"Drum Solo (Bonus Track)" 7:26
The Tipping Point
They had come to Earth to protect all forms of life on the planet, but now they were being met with violent opposition. The people forcefully tried to destroy all of the shingles and wipe them out completely. Along the streets, they bashed in the shingle patches with baseball bats, lead pipes, and other weapons of mass destruction. A large fire was constructed in the middle of a busy street as people cast bulk quantities of shingles into the flames. If the shingles were actually living, and possessed any brain activity whatsoever, they would have come to the realization that their services were no longer appreciated. One person, however, spotted one submerged in the flames and actually felt sorry for it.
33. The Charlatans
"Bona Fide Treasure" 3:23
Up At The Lake
Onward into the night, the shingles cleanup committees had become more aggressive. They attacked corporations who were emitting harmful elements into the environment. Being as they had nothing to lose, and their numbers had escalated into the millions including gangsters with more powerful weapons than the security guards, the mob could not be stopped. They ambushed chemical producing plants and demanded they be shut down immediately…they had become so powerful that all production stopped. And once they were joined with police officers and other high ranking officials, they raided the white house, barged right in, and made commands for all wars to stop, all nuclear weapons de-activated, and any attempts to utilize shingles for warfare to cease immediately. The President of the United States was powerless to do anything but obey these commands. All other governments followed suit.
32. Handsome Boy Modeling School
"Greatest Mistake (feat. John Oates & Jamie Cullum)" 4:19
San Francisco, CA/New York, NY
Even with a committee that was now taking care of business, people still feared for the future. The committee could not be everywhere, and many towns had no such movement taking place. People like Stephen thought about the uncertainty of the future, and reflected on ways to make the present more desirable. Stephen had one major regret, and with time possibly running out, he wished that he had never left Amanda, or could better express how he truly felt about her. Since the world could possibly end any moment now, he walked over to her house with intentions to give her a sincere apology and resolve whatever issues they had. He knocked on her door, and she answered…she was pregnant.
31. The Streets
"Dry Your Eyes" 4:32
A Grand Don't Come for Free
Coinciding with Stephen’s situation, other people decided that since time was short they did not wish to spend it in a less than perfect relationship. If things weren’t working out perfectly, or if the girl wanted something better in life than the current condition, the guy was getting dumped. His feelings were no longer the #1 priority, and she knew there was more to life than constantly bickering with this guy. As for him, after the pain was resolved, which would have to come sooner rather than later, maybe he would realize his mistakes and move on to better himself.
"I'm a Wheel" 2:37
A Ghost Is Born
The cashier at the grocery store brushed off shingles from the guy’s items as the groceries continued down the conveyor belt. He was a regular customer, always had a thing for this girl, and they were engaging in flirtatious conversation. It was strictly by accident, but he confessed that he had a foot fetish. She laughed and made a confession of her own—she once did a pornographic photo shoot for a website that specialized in sexy legs and feet. This changed everything; she was actually worried he’d judge her for it, but it was the opposite. After just a brief request, she even wrote down the website address where he could find the pictorial.
29. The Comas
"The Last Transmission" 4:08
Chapel Hill, NC
The customer was so excited that he ran home and did not even put away his groceries. Once he opened the internet and located the proper address, all of his dreams had come true. He had been fantasizing about her for months and here she was now, completely nude and in his home… granted only on the computer screen. This consumed so much of his time that all of his groceries spoiled and he completely ignored all of the shingles that had spread in his room and on his bed.
(2:59) Another shingles clean-up committee had turned the corner and was coming down the street. Yet another lovely woman in a dress was smiling and waving her hands into the air as the crowd was in celebration form removing shingles from the walls. To the beat, and in conjunction with the verse “they are not like you,” the shingles were scraped off the bricks, store windows, and houses as the crowd walked by smiling, cheering, dancing, and each of them equipped with an ice scraper.
28. Young Heart Attack
Mouthful of Love
The night life downtown most was absolutely electrifying as groups of shingles clean-up committees formed in almost every city. Free drinks were given to everybody and the bars stayed open later than usual. For this one night, there were no laws on obscenity or disorderly behavior. People danced all night long, music played loudly, and people were frequently seen running around stark naked. They danced on the bars, used illicit drugs, and completely let themselves loose… for the first time in months; the night club was totally free of shingles.
27. Ed Harcourt
"Only Happy When You're High" 4:22
Some home fronts were still plagued with troubles. A couple in the small town of New Castle, IN had argued, but attempted to make up…again. They smoked a bowl together and put their issues to the side. Although they argued frequently, they were in love and knew they could not be apart from one another. The tension was high with the first couple of hits, but the air gradually loosened and they smiled at one another. He put his arm around her and she leaned into him and rested on his shoulder. The patch of shingles returned to her legs and she let out a sigh; his had come back on his arm. Rather than scrape them off, they kissed each other and smoked another bowl. Then another. Then another. By the end of the bag of weed, both of them were motionless not only from being too stoned, but because they allowed themselves to become totally covered…laughing the entire way, kissing each other goodbye.
"From Now to Never" 5:34
El Paso, TX
It had been a successful night, and the groups of shingles clean-up crews had scraped off shingles from entire cities to where a person would have to search assiduously just to locate one. However, the very next morning, all of them had returned. When daylight came, there was no indication whatsoever that the shingles had ever been removed the previous evening. In fact, there were even more than before. At least all of them had one extremely enjoyable night, and they all knew that if needed, they would be able to get rid of them again…at least for one entire evening. Although they were still in a groggy hangover state, the fear only intensified as to how many of these intense clean-up events they had left before it was all considered useless.
Top image: http://researchsense.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/business-people-standing_k17452791.jpg