2012/01/18

The Top 25 Songs of 1976

The Top 150 Songs of 1976 + The Wicked Wizard of Oz
Part 1 of 6: Dexter the Good Douche Can Save Oz (Tracks 150-126)
Part 2 of 6: Fuck Yea! Dorothy's Back (Tracks 125-101)
Part 3 of 6: The Yellow Brick Path to Love (Tracks 100-76)
Part 4 of 6: Wild Nights in The Land of Oz (Tracks 75-51)
Part 5 of 6: The Oz Revolution (Tracks 50-26)
Part 6 of 6: Presenting...The World's First Ever Left Wing Society (25-#1)

Part VI: Presenting...The World's First Ever Left Wing Society


Press play on the image below to listen to all of the songs while you read.



All was silent for the moment. Popco was ironing Elphaba’s laundry, folded her clothes neatly, and hung them up in her closet.

Elphaba was sitting on the couch talking on the phone. “Yea, I’m going, I just have to wait for Popco to finish my laundry. Popco. You know, that little fucking rabbit who plays the guitar everywhere. Ah, he wanted me to do something for him, and offered to do my laundry in return. That little fucker asks for some crazy shit. Yea, he’s performing at the celebration concert tonight.”

Popco finished the laundry and Elphaba gave him a potion which he eagerly drank. He walked out of Elphaba’s and onto the stage for concert to unveil the new and improved Land of Oz.

25. Manfred Mann's Earth Band
"Blinded by the Light"  7:08
The Roaring Silence
London, England

The people of Oz developed a doctrine to ensure that all persons living in Oz enjoyed equal rights. They immediately terminated the concept of currency as a means of trade, and drew up a doctrine that ensured that all persons contributing to well being of society shall have equal share of the benefits; there was no more rent, bills, credit cards, insurance companies, banks, lobbyists, cheaply made products for poor people, no budgets; which meant free health care and education to all citizens and all companies were free to hire whoever they wanted, and the people could work wherever they chose.

It was common for people to learn a new profession every year; it was common for people to stick with the one thing they truly loved for decades. There were to be no laws whatsoever based on religious beliefs or opinions; no censorship, no fabricated ethics, and legalization of all crimes in which there was no victim or in which no person was offended. All communities within the Land of Oz and all outlying regions outside of Oz were free to govern themselves as they pleased; meaning, no more wars, no crusades, and no imperialism. And finally, advanced development of technology and medicine was considered a job that contributed to the good of society, and without a budget; coupled with free secondary education for all of the population equally, within years, The Land of Oz was able to cure all diseases, and enjoyed futuristic advanced technology capable of anything…all without harming the environment and natural resources. This was the first ever true left-wing radical government, and was a far more advanced society than anyplace in the world had ever seen.

As all of this was being announced, Popco also unveiled his new magic…courtesy of Elphaba for the small price of doing her laundry. He played the guitar solo nice and slow at first, with artistic surreal images for the backdrop. But then, he started playing the solo dazzling fast. As he was scorching the fret board, he and the guitar both burst into flames. The crowd roared. Elphaba applauded, but shook her head… “crazy fucking rabbit.”

24. Penguin Cafe Orchestra
"Penguin Cafe Single"  6:21
Music From The Penguin Cafe
United Kingdom

The Dickless Scarecrow never did receive that cock he was hoping for, but instead utilized his intelligence with advanced developments in Botany. He remained close friends with both Elphaba and Glenda who assisted him with various sources of magical devices to enhance his creations. The flowers and fields in which The Scarecrow produced were simply beautiful, with a vast array of colors, and blossoms of all sizes and shapes. The fields also provided a sanctuary for animals and trees who were now able to freely speak again since The Wizard had been ousted. The Scarecrow’s new best friend, however, was now Popco and his band of rabbits. Popco was able to assemble full orchestra and create gorgeous musical soundscapes to enhance the pleasant sceneries created by The Scarecrow’s genius botanical skills.

23. The Spinners
"Rubberband Man"  3:35
Happiness Is Being With The Spinners
Ferndale, MI

Since there were no longer any laws that put strict limitations on the amount of fun people were permitted to have, the night life in the Land of Oz was booming. In terms of being dubbed “Sin City”, the Land of Oz put Las Vegas and Asheville to shame. Things always got crazy when Popco and his band of rabbits would show up at various places and rock the house. A tourist from Babylon had seen Popco playing beautiful music in the magical gardens during the day, and now at night, was on stage with people freak dancing on the bar and everybody having fun like they never had. The tourist pointed his thumb at Popco and band and declared, “Man, this dude is out of sight! Everything he does, seems to come out right.” After his brief commentary in the camera, the tourist turned away, and joined the party…he was literally free to do whatever he wanted, and opted to take a shot of raspberry flavored Elphaba Juice. Afterwards, he floated to the top of the dance floor, threw off his jacket, and cut loose floating in midair on top of everybody. He continued to sing the lead vocals, Popco and his band providing the instrumentation and backup vocals, while his girlfriend took a shot too and joined him. Since no money was required, everybody took a shot and the dance floor became the dance air with everybody floating freely in front of the stage; performing acrobatic flips and creating new dances.

22. Klaatu
"Sub-Rosa Subway"  4:38
3:47 E.S.T.
Toronto, ON, Canada

With all the advancements in free thinking and technology, the Land of Oz had all sorts of transportation devices, all of which were smog free. They had an advanced subway underground, with a roof designed by The Scarecrow that also electronically fertilized the plants directly above where it was travelling. People were able to fly with individual motor-less aircrafts. Cars, motorpods, and all sorts of other vehicles could hover above ground. They even had spacecraft technology that was capable of reaching other planets with ease.

21. The Beckies
"Song Called Love"  3:12
The Beckies
New York, NY

It had been outlawed for years by The Wizard, but with his ousting, Elphaba and the people of Oz declared there shall never be any legal ramifications whatsoever prohibiting same sex marriages. Coincidentally, Cutty & Yule and Christina & Dorothy had both made marriage arrangements. As a celebration of true love, and a means to celebrate independence, both couples agreed to be married on the same day in order to ensure they would both go down equally in history. Although both genders were regarded as equals, and neither was considered more essential than the other, the wedding did prove that gender equality exists only in civil rights; and proved a major difference between the sexes. Let’s just say there was significant less preparation for Cutty & Yule’s wedding than Christina & Dorothy’s. Cutty & Yule were both calm all the way leading up to the big day, Dorothy would go through phases of frantic anxiety, and at times, Christina felt like knocking the living shit out of her. Heterosexual women and men both placed bets as to who was actually going to have a nicer wedding—the boys or the girls. The vote was a tie, the women’s was fancier, and the guys’ was more entertaining (Christina voted for the guy’s wedding; Yule voted for the ladies’ wedding). The world wouldn’t want it any other way.

20. The Sanford Townsend Band
"Smoke from a Distant Fire"  3:32
The Sanford / Townsend Band
Montgomery & Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Due to the fact that the components that comprise human nature are blemished, the Land of Oz still had imperfections. It is virtually impossible to please everybody. Jealousy still existed. However, because everybody had equal access to the same beauty products, fitness programs, and appealing clothing attire; and because the Land of Oz was now Sin City, there were devices implemented with easing the coping process. The motto “just find another one” was widely adopted. Next to The Yellow Brick Tavern opened Reboundz, the world’s first night club dedicated to people who recently got dumped; and guess who provided the music? At Reboundz, even the songs of hurt and despair sounded uplifting. Furthermore, the normal attire was far more risqué than, say, The Yellow Brick Tavern. On a happening night, people could be over a cheating spouse in a mere 15 minutes.

Rita walked in her husband in bed with another woman. The same thing happened to Mark. In a flash, separately, both of them were looking great and then out with their friends at Reboundz, being encouraged to forget that loser. They met, talked briefly, danced, kissed, fucked in the bathroom, danced some more, and tossed their wedding rings in the wedding ring recycling bin by the door, and left in each other’s arms. Popco found some cat who could really blow the sax; and this cat really was a cat.

19. Popol Vuh
"Oh Wie Nah Ist Der Weg Hinab"  4:39
Letzte Tage, Letzte Nächte
München, Germany

Even though all beings were considered equal, within the first year of The Wizard being overthrown, Oz did have one being who was by far the most popular. Not Elphaba, not Glenda, not The Cowardly Lion, but none other than Popco along with the band of rabbits. Eventually, Popco was no longer concerned with ever replacing his soul mate who had been eaten by a fox in Babylon. That emotion heightened his senses to accomplish anything, and his one true love now was his music. Elphaba recognized this a long time ago, and being the animal rights activist she had always been, she was the one who initially cast the spell giving him the ability to transport anywhere at any time. There were plenty of openings; he could do anything he pleased.

Later that year, Popco was on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, Popco told interviewers that he loved music more than anything; and playing his music for crowds of people gave him a greater sensation than even that time he first dry humped a stick out in the woods. The band was great and capable of playing anything. There were tons of other musicians out there, but Popco was the best. People had posters of Popco hanging on their walls, he autographed guitars, and people would even sit around at home and watch Popco videos. Some suggest his soul mate was actually his guitar. His leads were so rich with textures, they sent him to play on the moon in order to create an atmosphere…and it worked!

18. KC & the Sunshine Band
"Keep It Comin' Love"  3:54
Part III
Miami, FL

A TJ Maxx was not needed. Instead, Cutty and Yule opened a shoe store. This store did not feature a selection of shoes, and there was not even one single shoe on display. When Cutty first came to Oz, he roomed with Elphaba and Fiyero. She taught him a few magic tricks and turned out that he was a natural; and he did successfully learn how to bring Yule and the rest of his friends from his old neighborhood to the Land of Oz. Cutty now had the ability to wave his magic cane and transform people’s shoes to whatever was desired. That said, rather than come into a shoe store and browse through the aisles as to whatever was available and affordable, people would come in with their selected attire, and Yule would make suggestions. Cutty would keep transforming the shoes until the customer was satisfied with the style…then they would leave happy. Poignant Pete had a hot date with Drunken Daisy, and entered the shoe store with his good buddy The Tin Man to get a nice pair of shoes to wear on his date.

The Tin Man had done some woodwork at Cutty’s house and did a wonderful job on his kitchen cabinets, as a result agreed to do The Tin Man a favor in return. Cutty waved the cane and told Poignant Pete to try on this awesome style of black dress shoes he made especially for him. Right at the moment Poignant Pete went to put his foot in the shoe, and at The Tin Man’s request, Cutty waved the cane and transformed the shoe into a bear trap; and when Poignant Pete went to put his foot in the shoe, it came down on the bear trap and it violently clamped around his leg. Poignant Pete screamed in pain as blood shot everywhere. Then he looked over at The Tin Man who was standing there laughing. Poignant Pete started laughing too, pointing at The Tin Man, “You got me on that one. And, I’m going to get your ass back for that too.” Everybody enjoyed a good laugh as the bear trap was transformed back into the stylish shoe which made Pete looked great. But, Pete wanted the trap back, and a bear trap on his other foot as well. Once both of feet were snared in bear traps, he wowed audiences with an energetic dance in the middle of the store.

17. Patti Smith Group
"Poppies"  7:06
Radio Ethiopia
Chicago, IL/New York, NY

Christina finally went out and rented The Wizard of Oz. She did not finish watching the entire movie, and only made it to the scene where Elphaba created a field of poppies that made Dorothy pass out. After that scene, she immediately stopped the movie and within 5 minutes was at Elphaba’s house banging on the door. Elphaba had promised to teach her some magic, and Christina was persistent with this issue; and refused to leave until Elphaba showed her how to perform this trick. After a series of annoying threats, Elphaba finally gave in and taught Christina how to perform this trick. Back home, and all the way leading up to the wedding, anytime Dorothy would start freaking out over wedding arrangements, Christina would perform the trick and turn the entire room in a poppy field, causing Dorothy to grow euphoric and eventually shut the fuck up already. Furthermore, since learning the poppy trick, their new neighbors and best friends, Douchy Dexter and Alice would come over more frequently.

The effects of the poppies would make Dorothy have mild hallucinations and say things that made little sense. The group would laugh as she slurred wild stories about images that were not even there; some bullshit about a painting on a vase.

16. Lou Reed
"Temporary Thing"  5:13
Rock And Roll Heart
New York, NY

Outside of Oz and in Babylon, the hot air balloon carrying Boq finally crashed in Cincinnati, Ohio. There, Boq lived on the streets selling crack on one of the local corners. Due to his new environment, he developed some bad habits of his own, and became a full-fledged heroin addict. Most of his days were spent sitting on the dirty street corners, either in a complete stupor from the heroin abuse or trying to pretend to be a tough munchkin on the streets. He tried to live like a pimp, and even attempted to assault a few hookers. It wasn’t very effective though, as he was commonly beat down in alleyways or assaulted and robbed. After surviving a drive-by shooting in which he narrowly escaped, he took shelter with a toothless hooker named Tabitha whom he fell in love with and insisted that she now belonged to him.

15. Electric Light Orchestra
"Telephone Line"  4:41
A New World Record
Birmingham, England

Boq would often get doped out on heroin and reflect back on his days living in Oz. He never grasped the concept that he was despised by the entire community, and considered his time in Oz the period of his life in which he had everything. And once upon a time, for a short while, he did. Back in Oz, Boq was a rich man, had a luxurious mansion, can claim to have fucked Glenda (albeit a sympathy fuck), and prior to being exiled was so powerful that he had the entire community as his slaves. Now, there he was, on the streets, addicted to heroin, and the people here think he is mentally insane. Some nights he just lies on the sidewalk, drooling, unable to even walk, having imaginary conversations with a witch named Glenda, another munchkin named Alice, and some green woman named Elphaba. The people on the streets eventually grew tired of Boq and his violent outbursts where he insisted that what he once had was real, and how he was betrayed; they had him committed into a mental institution where he is being used for experiments for new products being developed by Proctor & Gamble. The effects of these experiments led to even more harmful consequences and wretched states than the heroin.

14. Marvin Gaye
"After the Dance (Instr.)"  4:25
I Want You
Washington, DC (1939)- Los Angeles, CA (1984)

Elphaba, Glenda, and Christina all three remained friends. However, during periodic visits to The Scarecrow, he seemed a bit distant toward Elphaba and Glenda. They would come over and pay a visit to his fabulous otherworldly landscapes and hear Popco’s most blissful performances, and he would remain busy rather than socialize with them. He did, finally, open up to Christina after she managed to use her recently learned magic trick to sneak in a poppy garden in the mix of some of his other flowers. The two of them actually had a good time together as The Scarecrow went ahead and made the intoxicating poppy plants even more potent as well as pleasant to look at (the poppies were now so potent that all the pedestrians passing by claimed everything in Oz was more pleasant to look at). After a good laugh together, The Scarecrow sat down with Christina and finally discussed the real problem.

And yes, he was still bitter about not having a penis, and knowing he was once a real person who had been turned into a scarecrow… the whole spiel about “once upon a time, I had two fine ass women fighting over me, and now, I have nobody, and don’t even have a penis.” Christina questioned if not having sexual organs actually lessened the desire to be in a relationship, and he claimed sex was not the only thing that involved companionship…he just wanted to be with somebody, just like everybody else. Christina, even though she thought he sounded like a fucking sissy, said she would see what she could do, stood up, and then sat right back down, “damn, I’m fucking stoned now.”

13. Wings
"Beware My Love"  6:29
Wings At The Speed Of Sound
United Kingdom/Liverpool, England

Ultimate paradise would suck! If everybody was constantly grotesquely happy and cheerful at all times, than Silly Love Songs would have been selected here.

Numerous waivers would have to have to been signed, but Elphaba figured it a decent idea. Rather than teach The Tin Man and Poignant Pete the ways of black magic, she put her trust in Lorraine at the veterinarian clinic in which she worked, cut back her hours there, and agreed to work at the newly night club Poignant Pete and The Tin Man opened together, elegantly named Fuck All You Mother Fuckers Night Club. This night club had a few rules that were strictly enforced. First, in order to get in, you had to drink of shot of potion Elphaba created potion, otherwise, seriously, you would die here. Secondly, happy loving couples not permitted…period, no exceptions. This was almost a Reboundz after party, or for people who were fans of dark entertainment. The music was always loud, dark, and brooding. On every wall were nightmarish images, and ghastly disturbing video sequences. After drinking the potion created by Elphaba, you could comfortably get stabbed repeatedly with a butcher knife and not feel a thing. For many people, this was by far their favorite hangout… the music was better than the happy dance clubs, the atmosphere was cool, and it was fun to act out famous scenes from horror movies to go along with the music. Some couples would bring their domestic disputes here and beat the living shit out of each other. There were always fights, and if things got out of hand, The Tin Man would chop the unruly ones up with his axe. In fact, axes were permitted inside the premises, and often encouraged. Thursdays featured the now famous chop off your spouse’s head contest.

12. Stevie Wonder
"Joy Inside My Tears"  6:30
Songs in the Key of Life
Saginaw/Detroit, MI

Even though they were well-liked in the community, extremely popular, and close friends with the three primary operators, Glenda and Lunchkit were banned for life from the Fuck All You Mother Fuckers Night Club. The happy loving couple was, by far, the grossest couple on the planet Earth. She was a pin-up model and often seen on the covers of magazines wearing skimpy short cut-off denim shorts, unzipped, spread out across a new hot rod space age transporter that could get to the moon in less than 60 seconds, and Lunchkit was the second most popular singer in the Land of Oz, and performances together with Popco could not be missed. Lunchkit was no longer a piece of shit, as he abandoned all of his past luxuries and greedy desires once he and Glenda officially became a couple. They are, at least, extremely happy, and Lunchkit is grateful for the changes in his life and truly blessed to have the companionship of his soul mate Glenda. He frequently sings her love songs about how she made him a better person, and sometimes sings with such emotion that she faints. After she faints, Elphaba and Christina look at each other and pretend to vomit; while their girlfriends, Fiyero and Dorothy smile and clap cheerfully, “that is so sweet!”

11. Black Sabbath
"Dirty Women"  4:30
Technical Ecstasy
Birmingham, England

Christina had been working all day on a special project and it was finally complete. There it was, a Tin Woman—which looked exactly like The Tin Man but with tin boobs and lipstick. Elphaba and Glenda bickered for hours as to who should give it life and the type of personality she should have. Finally, both of them agreed to each give it some personality traits and finish the project together. Being a combination of both Glenda and Elphaba, and being constructed out of tin, The Tin Woman, to say the least, was confused when she finally came to life. The two women were discussing making some final altercations, but Christina is spontaneous, said “fuck it” and dragged The Tin Woman over to The Tin Man’s house as is. The three ladies delivered The Tin Woman insisting that it was a mail order bride. Christina went inside with The Tin Woman, and Glenda and Elphaba declared they would be in soon.

“Here Tin Man, I made something for you.”

She unveiled The Tin Woman. It was an awkward meeting; naturally, the poor Tin Woman was already confused enough. They didn’t say much to each other, but it was obvious there was an attraction. The two tin people wanted to kiss, but couldn’t figure out how to do it. They tried to hug, but their bodies kept clanking. And then came the guitar solo finale… After several attempts to get involved in some sort of intimacy, The Tin Man finally swung his axe and hit the body of The Tin Woman. Christina was stunned, started to say something, but then The Tin Woman moaned in ecstasy. She swung her axe and hit The Tin Man, and he too expressed pleasure. Then, the two of them ferociously kept beating each other with their axes, all the while making sex noises coupled with the clanking of tin. Both of them sounded as if they were enjoying orgasmic stimulation as they repeatedly struck each other with their axes. Christina was horrified and simply walked out the front door. Elphaba and Glenda were approaching, but heard the sounds of two people having sex and the banging of the tin.

“OK,” Christina told them, rushing to leave, “that was by far the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen.”

10. Strange
"Fields and Fields of People"  4:34
Raw Power
Casselberry, FL

The Tin Man and The Tin Woman were walking through the poppy field when The Tin Man spotted Poignant Pete and Drunken Daisy. He told The Tin Woman to remain put. The Tin Man raced over to his best friends, got Pete in a stranglehold with the axe handle, and threw him on the stage. Once Poignant Pete was on the stage, The Tin Man climbed up on the stage, and chopped up Poignant Pete repeatedly. He then hoisted Poignant Pete to his feet, and smeared Pete’s blood all over his face and body. The crowd of people in the poppy field observed the spectacle, confused, many of them tourists, most not knowing this behavior was typical for these two. The Tin Man picked up a bass guitar and threw it at Poignant Pete, and demanded that he play good. He grabbed the microphone and shouted to the crowd: “I wish to dedicate this to the love of my life (pointing at The Tin Woman). This is how we express our love. Not like you fucking douches! Come on, give it up.”

Smoke poured from the stage, getting the crowd of people even more intoxicated than they already were. Drunken Daisy began with a drum beat, and The Tin Man played his axe; Poignant Pete played the bass, covered in blood, and a random raccoon, stoned as fuck, holding a joint out of his mouth, laid down a psychedelic drone on the keyboards. Lyrically, yes, it was a sweet love song. But, the sweetness ended there. The rest of the music was dark, psychedelic, and intense. For the song’s finale, The Tin Man rocked on the guitar playing a fast lead as he shouted into the microphone. As he was playing intensely, banging his head, moving like a mad man, Poignant Pete jumped up and down, struck him with the bass guitar, smeared more blood all over him, and even spit blood in the crowd. Popco was actually in the audience for this one, and when the song was over, his applause was heard the loudest.

9. Tom Waits
"Jitterbug Boy"  3:44
Small Change
Pomona, CA

In a true left-wing community, even the so-called leaders are equals to every other person in society. The Cowardly Lion was standing out in front of a dive bar, sipping his beer, having a cigarette with his friends. When asked what he had been doing during that period in which he was away, and what he was up to these days, The Cowardly Lion had a lot to tell. He also had met an acquaintance, a tiger, who rolled out a piano and played a nice melody while The Cowardly Lion told the crowd what he had been up to. As The Cowardly Lion sang the tune, black and white photographs flashed through the air depicting The Cowardly Lion participating in the events of the song; such as The Cowardly Lion getting drunk with Louie Armstrong, The Cowardly Lion cheering at a Kentucky Derby, sleeping with lions similar to him, and in bed with Marilyn Monroe.

8. Blue Öyster Cult
"(Don't Fear) The Reaper"  5:08
Agents Of Fortune
Long Island, NY

The wedding ceremony of Poignant Pete and Drunken Daisy was piece of art that people discussed for years. In Oz, there were no laws or ordinances that governed marriage; nor were there any logic in the situations. Because the couple had formed a band with the Tin Couple, they opted to get married in a concert hall. And, because part of their act was the violent interactions and blood flow, one of the major goals was to immortalize Drunken Daisy, and to a certain degree, ensure The Tin Woman too possessed this trait. All ordinary aspects of a traditional wedding were completely disregarded, as there was no religion, no priest, no wedding gowns, no walks down an aisle, none of that. Instead, it was a display of music and artistic theatric performance. There appeared a mystical illusion where it would seem as if there were multiple Drunken Daisies, as she happened to be in every place in which the audience looked. She played drums in the band, along with The Tin Man on lead vocals and rhythm guitar, Popco on second vocals and lead guitar, and The Tin Woman on bass.

The spectacle of this group of characters performing (Don’t Fear) The Reaper was phenomenal enough to warrant widespread acclaim. But, the performance fit the music perfectly and was a work of art. The finale of the performance featured Drunken Daisy with the ability to fly, floating in through the open window. However, she was still susceptible to feel pain; Poignant Pete could not fly. As she flew into the window, she took Poignant Pete’s eager hand and he “kissed the bride”, all the while The Tin Man and Popco were trading vocals. While the two of them were flying through the air, still embracing in a passionate kiss, The Tin Man and Tin Woman both hurled an axe and that stuck in the back of both of their heads right at the moment Popco sings the very last words to the song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper.” After he sang the last verse, he struck the famous guitar riff, and Drunken Daisy, now covered in blood on the stage, thrashed the drum kit.

7. Debris'
"Leisurely Waiting"  3:59
Static Disposal
Chickasha, OK

Now that Drunken Daisy and Poignant Pete were together for eternity and shared each other’s powers, the band soared to another level. They were all great friends with Lunchkit & Glenda, so this sort of harassment was welcomed, and embraced with a smile. Lunchkit was the #2 recording artist in the Land of Oz, but was somewhat considered a pussy by the punks. The Immortal Tins were up and coming and causing a stir in the underground circuit.

As Glenda and Lunchkit were promenading hand and hand like the two lovebirds always do, Pete and Daisy ran up to them and stopped them short. Poignant Pete grabbed Drunken Daisy by the hair, pulled her head back, slit her throat, and threw her down to the ground. Glenda rolled her eyes; Lunchkit put his hands on his hips and took the assault in stride.

The moment Drunken Daisy dropped to the ground in a puddle of blood, The Tin Man and Tin Woman stormed in front of them with their guitars, ripping out sonic fury with chords never heard in any Lunchkit song. Poignant Pete grabbed his bass, and Drunken Daisy, with blood spilling from her throat, rocked a tight rhythm behind the drum kit. As The Tin Man snarled the vocals, he smeared blood all over his face, and the whole band played as if they were assaulting Lunchkit with the music, taking turns flashing their instruments in his face. After the song, the crowd of people that had all gathered around cheered, Lunchkit smiled and clapped too.

Everybody applauded except for Glenda… after the applause, she scolded them in a manner they all found hilarious, “ya done Tin Man?” Lunchkit just laughed, tugged her hand, and they kept walking. The Tin Man gave Lunchkit a pat on the back as they walked away; Lunchkit fist bumped Poignant Pete and high-fived Daisy.

6. Pere Ubu
"Final Solution"  5:00
Final Solution / Cloud 149 Single
Cleveland, OH

Martin, the munchkin who had tied up Christina, was out on the patio of the local café having drinks with his friends. They all had regular jobs, but Martin was basically Christina’s slave and he had to do her landscaping, clean her house, do all the housework, and all of dirty chores such as cleaning out the gutters. His friends were insisting that he should file a claim and have the ability to go out and do something more suitable to his likening. However, Martin refused to do any such thing.

“Yea,” his friend said, “but doesn’t she beat the living crap out of you?”
“She does.”
“That’s bullshit!”
“Well, not to sound like a freak here, but I kind of like it.”
“What?”

“You know,” Martin had a black eye right now and lots of scrapes and bruises, “have to be honest with you, sometimes I purposely fuck shit up just to make her mad.” “That’s crazy.”
“Dig this.”

Martin whipped out his phone and showed his friends a video he made. He walked up to Christina, knocked on the door, and told her that he was finished mowing the yard. She looked at the yard, and it was a total wreck. Some parts were mowed, several patches not, and the lawnmower was even upside down in the garden.

“No,” said Christina angrily, “you little mother fucker, this yard looks like shit!”

Christina was on the porch and Martin was at the bottom of the steps. “Fuck you then, come out and mow the shit your damn self you stupid slut!”

Christina stormed off the porch and chased after Martin who immediately tried to run away. “Ok, watch this shit.” She finally caught Martin from behind and flung him down to the ground. Martin paused the video. “Look!”

Martin was sitting on the ground, in the process of being thrown, and Christina forcefully had a clutch of his hair in her hand. It would appear that Martin was simply trying to catch himself while attempting to regain balance, and was holding on to Christina’s leg. “See that, look where my hand is. Now watch.” He moved the video in slow motion and in the next two frames, his hand moved up her leg and when he paused the video again, his hand was directly on Christina’s ass, slightly between her legs. “Check that out.”

His friends shook their heads with utmost approval: “Fuck yea dude! How did that feel?”

“Fucking nice,” Martin could barely contain his excitement, “her ass is so tight dude, for real. Now watch this shit.” He played the video again and Christina threw Martin face down into the ground, climbed on top of him, and began beating his face into a landscaping stone. After his face was all bloody, she rolled him over, straddled on top of him and proceeded to punch him repeatedly in the face. They guys were so happy for Martin.

“Do you have any idea how great that is to have her on top of me like that?”

She was wailing the crap out of him and his friend commented, “dude, it totally looks like you’re having sex.”

“The best part, this is the one time I am happy to be a munchkin. My face is always eye level with her coochie, and sometimes she wears short skirts. And when she bends down to punch me in the face, I can see right down her shirt.”

One friend got immensely excited, “fuck yea! Do you have any pictures of that?”
“Nope, not yet, but I’m working on it though.”
“Fuckin’ aye! Is she hiring?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll check for ya.”

They all cheersed their glasses.

5. Rainbow
"Stargazer"  8:31
Rising
London, England

The latest visitors to Oz were some police investigators from around 1936. They were there to investigate the disappearance of one, The Wizard of Oz. The people were blunt honest with the police, like what the fuck were these bastards from 1936 really going to do?

The officers claimed that they needed to take the body back to Babylon because that was International Law. Nobody gave a shit and was happy to be rid of him.

Once out of Oz and back into Babylon, The Wizard returned to life. He had seen things in Oz that 1936 Babylon was incapable of ever achieving. It did not take him long to return to his evil ways…the two officers were killed and The Wizard deceptively attempted to take over another village. He convinced the people that he had the ability to fly, had learned special powers, and knew of a mystical place called Oz. The people were led to believe that if they constructed a tower of stone, The Wizard could climb to the top, swoop down, and fly into the Land of Oz. Once he succeeded in this, that would open the doors, and all others who attempted the same move would also land in Oz. After they reached Oz, there was a fortune awaiting them as they could easily take over the kingdom.

As the tower was erected, and The Wizard ascended to the top, flashes of Popco, now starring as Ritchie Blackmore, ripped one of the best guitar solos in history.

The Tower was built, The Wizard climbed to the top, and jumped off. He held his arms completely outstretched, looking for the entrance to Oz. However, there was no opening; he crashed to the ground and was killed instantly. More people attempted the leap, and they too were killed. Eventually, people stopped trying and were confused as to what happened. With the wizard dead for good, and Popco’s band in full swing, a dark gloomy sky could be seen in the far corner of Oz and the top of a tower of stone. A beautiful rainbow emerged from that gloomy corner and shone brightly all across the beautiful blue sky of Oz.

4. Roxy Music
"If There Is Something"  10:37
Viva! Roxy Music
London, England

Music Montage: The Enchanted Land of Oz. 0:00-1:38 Oz is full of happening clubs, where people can be seen dancing, drinking, and having a wonderful time. People can float in the air and enjoy all sorts of wonderful festivities in Oz.

1:38-3:02 The Immortal Tins as Roxy Music. Beginning with a Drunken Daisy drum roll, The Land of Oz has a very hip indie/underground scene. With The Tin Man on lead vocals, and the Tin Man/Tin Woman twin guitar assault, along with Poignant Pete on bass, the small venues of Oz are the best spots to see live shows. Furthermore, because the shows are free, they are always sold out and full of cool people.

3:02-3:27 The Fuck All You Mother Fuckers is still the place to enjoy dark surreal art featuring dark music and playful violence.

3:27-5:24 Popco the Rabbit as Phil Manzanera. One wicked ass guitar player who has the capability to show up anywhere. During the guitar playing, there are images of all the cool characters in Oz doing what they enjoy best, Christina beating Martin, The Scarecrow in his garden, Surreal Magic from Elphaba, Douchy Dexter and Alice getting stoned, excellent styles of shoes and clothing, advanced transport devices that can fly over the futuristic architecture, and periodic flashes of Christina fucking Dorothy.

5:25-6:11 Brightly colored poppies that cause intense hallucinogenic reactions, all safe and enjoyable.

6:12-6:38 The music kicks in, Christina fucks Dorothy a bit harder, the band rages at the clubs, the crowds go wild, and everybody is having fun.

6:39-8:05 The Scarecrow’s gardens are majestic and provide images that can only be imagined in this world. There are elements of Oz that are calm and tranquil. Christina slows up her pace and makes sweet love Dorothy, pressing her lips against hers in heated pleasure. Lunchkit and Glenda walk through scenic parks, hand in hand, perfectly in love. All of the citizens seem relaxed, even The Cowardly Lion just chilling with friends in front of the newly renovated Emerald Palace. But, it’s the gardens, the landscapes, the calm waterfalls, the rivers, and even the sky has an extreme sense of beauty. In the night sky, one can see the moon, and several colorful planets appear close by.

8:06-9:17 Begin again with Daisy intensifying the drum beat, with the band on stage. Christina gets more intense on top of Dorothy as she moans in pleasure. Bizarre surreal images are the backdrop for the stage of the band. The whole crowd is much into the music. The skyline of The Emerald City shines brightly as people and various other creatures fly past building in individual aircrafts.

9:18-end Daisy speeds up the drum beat. People lift their feet off the ground and are able to float. In the land of Oz, everybody is now off of the ground. That is, except for Christina and Dorothy, as Christina now has her pinned down and slamming it hard. Outside, the entire population in the Land of Oz is floating in the air, enjoying drinks, and laughs.

3. Thin Lizzy
"The Boys Are Back In Town"  4:30
Jailbreak
Dublin, Ireland

Christina had Dorothy blindfolded and was leading her into the house. Once inside, she turned on the light, and there was the reunion of her friends who she had not seen together since her return to Oz…The Tin Man, The Scarecrow, and The Cowardly Lion. It was Dorothy’s birthday, and the group went out and got totally shitfaced. It was the first time they had all been out together in ages, and they all had new tales to tell. Being as it was both Dorothy’s birthday, and the fact she and Christina had just returned from their honeymoon, they partied hard and lived it up. Throughout the night, they were joined by Elphaba & Fiyero, Glenda & Lunchkit, Cutty & Yule, Poignant Pete & Drunken Daisy, Dexter and Alice, Cutty’s entourage, each others spouses, a band of rabbits with a raccoon as a new member, and Margie from the dead even showed up. It was a wonderful that lasted well into the morning hours. All persons involved ranked it in their top 3 best nights in history.

2. Judas Priest
"Victim of Changes"  7:54
Sad Wings of Destiny
Birmingham, England

Boq continued to struggle on the streets of Cincinnati, Ohio. He was as big of a loser there as he was in Oz, but people were not willing to stand for it. He repeatedly started fights in bars and constantly got his ass kicked. In many cases, he was thrown out of places with force, and beat down by the police. Boq was constantly in and out of both jail and the insane asylum.

He continued to hold a grudge against this society and being exiled from Oz. Nobody believed a word he said when he would go on tirades involving how he made all them mother fuckers slaves; he would also have violent episodes thinking about Glenda, Alice, and every other woman he assumed had a thing for him. None of them did, and Boq was officially known as Boq the Cock Blocker.

Tired of frequent violent outbursts and ongoing rants about witches and wizards, Boq was finally secluded into solitary confinement at the state hospital. One night he sat all alone in his cell, far removed from the world. The music turned dark, and Boq went into a state of depression recalling how Glenda was once wonderful, fine, and used to be his. In the midst of the scream, “Victim of Channn- ges!” and a series of scorching guitar notes that rocked the entire universe, Boq tied his belt around his neck and jumped off the chair, swaying from the ceiling.

Being as the role of Judas Priest was being played by Popco and The Band of Rabbits, mindless conservative parents blamed the music of cute fluffy creatures for the death of Boq and insinuated all forms of music played by rabbits has caused people to commit suicide. Nobody in Judas Priest, nor any of the rabbits ever committed suicide…and they play this music every night.

#1! Ramones
"I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend"  2:17
Ramones
New York, NY

Back in left-wing society where mindless conservative parents do not exist, today was The Scarecrow’s birthday. As promised, Christina worked her magic to insist Elphaba and Glenda perform their magic. For his birthday, both Elphaba and Glenda created scarecrows modeled after themselves…one green and one dressed in slutty clothes. He was also given that huge cock that he always wanted. The Scarecrow was so happy; it was the best day of his life. Fiyero and Lunchkit were happy also because now they could compare notes with The Scarecrow.

Everybody was in the living room socializing and having drinks. There was a loud noise in the other room and Dorothy arose to see what the ruckus was all about. When she opened the door, she witnessed The Scarecrow lying on his back with his cock out; the green scarecrow straddled over him and inserted it into her straw-filled vagina while the slutty scarecrow sat on The Scarecrow’s face. She watched for a few seconds in awe, and then quietly closed the door.

“Ok,” a stunned Dorothy said to the whole group, “now THAT was even more disturbing than The Tin Couple.” Everybody laughed, including The Tin Couple. The End.


End Credits: The Modern Lovers
"Pablo Picasso"  4:22
1972 Recorded Track Officially Released in 1976/B-side of #1 of 1972 Roadrunner
Boston, MA

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

The original Wizard of Oz written by L. Frank Baum
Wicked written by Winnie Holzman
Wicked the Musical written by Stephen Schwartz
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West written by Gregory Maguire
Blue Velvet reference written by David Lynch
Comfortably Numb reference written by Roger Waters/guitar solo by David Gilmour
Somewhat thanks to the movie The Wiz, although I’ve never seen it, any similarities to that film/musical are possible but strictly coincidental.
None of the original songs were ever performed by rabbits or ever intended to be used in a Wizard of Oz/Wicked story.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All of the characters not created by the aforementioned authors are completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.
Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic.
Additional images at eil.com, technodisco.net
Playlists created at 8tracks

©2012





Cover photo by sassybeauty-by-alona.blogspot

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