The Top 200 Songs of 2003

The Top 200 Songs of 2003 + The Decoy Project
Part 1 A Very Strange Visitor
Part 2 Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle
Part 3 Sofa Kingdom
Part 4 The Plan
Part 5 The Decoy Project I
Part 6 The Trial
Part 7 Prison
Part 8 The Decoy Project II

Part I: A Very Strange Visitor

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

200. The Starlight Mints
"Black Cat" 3:20
Built on Squares
Norman, OK

They entered the home and migrated to the living room. The carpet was black and white zebra striped and the walls were painted with red psychedelic circular patterns similar to the Mink Lungs album cover. Even the chairs were of elegant Nuevo artistic design from some sort of a futuristic science fiction movie, even though the owner of the home appeared normal and claimed to loathe sci-fi entirely. The chair in which he sat had purple legs that rose three feet from the ground; his feet could not touch the floor, and the couch was midnight blue and decorated with a smiling moon embedded into the fabric. On the wall, hung a photograph of a sketch drawing of a Chinese Man rowing a boat.

199. The Thermals
"Back To Gray" 2:14
More Parts Per Million
Portland, OR

“We need to have a conversation.” None of this made any sense whatsoever; the job seemed too lucrative with some pieces not fitting right. Of course, the line of work he was in, the jobs rarely seemed to make too much sense entirely and somebody always was concealing the truth. Although it would be better to ignore these non-essential details, one slight mistake could spell disaster. The end result: he at least had to know some truth in the matter or else the payoff would be meaningless because he would either be dead or in prison… and never get any enjoyment from the compensation.

198. New Wet Kojak
"Death 2 the Pop World" 5:01
This Is the Glamorous
Washington, DC/New York, NY

“You will be paid three million dollars.” The average going rate was about $50,000. Once upon a time he had been offered a million, but that was a political figure with high stakes, high risk, and obviously high reward. However, that mission ended up being too dangerous and never completed. Simply put, supposedly, nobody had ever assassinated a President and got away with it. That was different, that was the President of the United States; this cat was a nobody. While the offer was generous, getting paid three million dollars to take out some unknown person with mental handicap seemed preposterous.

197. Watchers
"Our Exchange" 3:22
To the Rooftops
Springfield, MA

“In all seriousness, we are honest people. However, we committed one crime…and the reward was bountiful, to say the least. Believe it or not, we are also intelligent people; but we made one stupid mistake. The money was to be divided evenly, with this fucking retard getting his portion. However, he is our one mistake. We need you to correct this mistake, and then, you can keep his share of the cash. The money’s there, we haven’t given it to him yet. But, its three million dollars—cash.”

196. The Lights
"Feets Don't Fail Me Now" 2:12
Beautiful Bird
Seattle, WA

“So you made a mistake and gave some cracker with a nut job problem a piece of the earnings. Whatever. This mother fucker fucked everything up royally I suppose. What I want to know is how did this mother fucker end up in the picture in the first place? People don’t just find random retards and be getting them involved in no mother fucking major ass crime—especially when you cats ain’t even criminals in the first place.”

195. Calla
"Pete the Killer" 3:31
New York, NY

“Honestly, nobody knows where the fuck he came from. And as far as him being a quote “retard”, as you put it so kindly, he’s not really that big of a retard. There’s definitely something wrong with the mother fucker, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call him a full-blown retard. His name is Spartacus, he does not speak, seems to be able to hear, and always has some shit eating grin on his stupid face. He wears a helmet, for what appears no reason at all.”

194. Dead Meadow
"Golden Cloud" 6:33
Shivering King And Others
Washington, DC

What kind of a helmet? “The kind of shit that epileptics wear to prevent them from cracking their skulls on the concrete whenever they have a seizure. This fucker doesn’t have seizures.” -You know this?- “Yea I know this mother fucker, we’ve observed this cat for a fucking while now. For real, he just showed up, and wouldn’t ever fucking leave. We didn’t even have this shit planned yet when his ass entered the picture—once the picture was painted, he just became a part of it. He’s the one who fucked things up royally—we’d already be the fuck out of here if it wasn’t for his ass. But, that’s how it goes; we must’ve figured that you needed the money, so three million bucks.”

193. Statistics
"Another Day" 4:26
Statistics EP
Omaha, NE

“You say he just showed up. What? Like magically just out of the blue? Out of thin air? This mother fucker ain’t like no Martian or no shit like that is he? You know how much I hate them mother fucking science fiction movies! If this mother fucker ends up being from outer space, I’m taking out all you mother fuckers and I’m keeping all the mother fuckin’ money.” Nah, man, this mother fucker ain’t from no outer space. And if he is, it’s not like he’s a 3-headed monster with a laser gun or some bullshit like that. “Then, how the fuck did he end up with you cats, doing what you mother fuckers be doing?”

192. The Soviettes
"Blue Stars" 1:53
The Soviettes
Minneapolis, MN

Jake and Monica are two white people in their 20’s; Jake looks about like this and Monica looks about like this. They are at Satchmo’s house with Clovis Hines, two older black guys; Satchmo looks something like this and Clovis Hines looks about like this. They had been hanging out in the living and decided to go outside for a cigarette. The moment they opened the door, there was Spartacus standing on the porch—looking about like this. Jake was frightened at first, Monica was not as she emerged onto the porch without fear to confront him as she yelled out, “Satchmo! There’s some mother fucker out here on the porch.”

191. Magnet
"Where Happiness Lives" 3:37
On Your Side
Bergen, Norway

The swing on the porch was swaying back and forth without anybody sitting in it. There was a sketching of a Chinese Man fishing in a tranquil lake in the forest hanging from the porch rafter. Spartacus was merely standing there looking stupid and joyfully smiled the moment he saw Monica. Next door, a man came out of his dressed like the Lone Ranger. He looked over and stared at Spartacus and Monica, then the rest of the group as they came onto the porch. The man dressed like the Lone Ranger turned away from them and diverted his attention towards the sidewalk where there was a kid riding a tricycle. He whistled towards the kid on the tricycle and then threw an egg at her, nearly striking the child, but the egg splattering on the sidewalk near the tricycle. After throwing the egg, the man dressed like the Lone Ranger remained on the porch.

190. The Hidden Cameras
"Breath on It" 2:54
The Smell of Our Own
Mississauga, ON, Canada

Clovis Hines speaks with extreme black dialect and is considered ruthless with honesty—to the extreme most of his friends found him hilarious. Monica was in the process of confronting Spartacus when Clovis Hines entered the picture with a stick and poked Spartacus in the torso attempting to shoo him away. “Ay mother fucker, get the fuck out of here man. This is our porch. Go. Shoo. Get the fuck out of here.” Despite the obvious ploys for Clovis Hines to get rid of him, Spartacus would not leave and remained smiling at Clovis Hines. “Nigger! Get your monkey ass off my God Damn porch!” Clovis acted as if he was going to swing the stick at him and strike him across the face, but did not have the nerve to.

189. The Everyothers
"Make Up Something" 3:05
The Everyothers
New York, NY

“Take a look at this mother fucker,” said Satchmo staring at Spartacus, “what the fuck is he wearing a helmet for? That is one fucked up looking mother fucker.” Spartacus just stood there smiling. “Fucked up is right,” interjected Clovis Hines, “that mother fucker’s so fucked up, even his mama…” Clovis paused and looked over and noticed the man dressed like the Lone Ranger was now facing them on his porch, arms rested on his banister, watching the spectacle taking place on this porch. “…he’s even more fucked up than that mother fucker over there.” They all looked over at the man dressed like the Lone Ranger, “Hi Gil,” Satchmo said pleasantly to him with a wave. Gil smiled enthusiastically and waved back, “hello!”

188. The Stratford 4
"Telephone" 8:11
Love & Distortion
San Francisco, CA

“All right,” said Monica finishing her cigarette in frustration, “I’m sick of this shit. You all are some fucking pussies.” She forcefully grabbed Spartacus by the shirt and was preparing to throw him off the porch and down the steps when Jake and Satchmo stopped her. Even after Jake and Satchmo lectured her about how she should be a little less violent, she still shoved him into the porch swing and continued to torment him. She knocked loudly on his helmet, “what the fuck is this thing for anyway? Do you talk? You stupid mother fucker.” His smile became so frivolous that he uncontrollably rocked back and forth and let out some weird “dahhh.” Monica was outraged with Spartacus and threatened to put cigarettes out on him and beat the shit out of him and everybody else present, including “that stupid mother fucker over there dressed like the Lone Ranger if this pile of shit is not off this porch in one minute.” Satchmo and Jake attempted to reason with her, partially because they did not want their asses kicked too, but Monica turned away from them, obviously thinking about something else entirely.

187. Earlimart
"Dreaming Of..." 3:11
Everyone Down Here
Los Angeles, CA

Monica walked away from the porch without saying a word as everybody else was still trying to plea with her. She returned in a few seconds rolling a huge tire onto the porch. “Hey shitface! Asshole. Fuckhead. Spartacus. That’s your fucking name, Spartacus. Spartacus. Get over here; we’re going to have some fun. This is a fun ride, come over here.” Jake, Satchmo, and Clovis Hines were powerless to do anything besides repeatedly suggest for her to not do this.

186. Starflyer 59
"Old" 5:23
Riverside, CA

Completely ignoring everything they were saying, Monica grabbed Jake by the collar and jerked him over to the tire, “Hold this.” Jake made several attempts to refuse to partake in this charade until Monica punched him in the side of the ribcage and Jake nearly started crying. “Quit crying you fucking sissy! Now hold this.” Holding his injured ribs in one hand, Jake had no choice but to hold the tire upright with his other hand while Monica brought Spartacus over to the tire.

185. These Arms Are Snakes
"Drinking From The Necks Of The Ones You Love" 6:03
This Is Meant To Hurt You
Seattle, WA

Monica instructed Spartacus how to fit inside the huge tire properly, sit inside the groove until his entire body was submerged inside the tire where a massive rim was supposed to be. Once Spartacus was completely fitted inside the tire, Monica pushed the tire off the porch with Spartacus submerged inside of it. The tire rolled off the porch, bounced down all of the steps, across one path, down another flight of steps, bounced across the sidewalk and into the streets. As it rolled into the street, a semi entered and smashed the tire, sending it twirling into the air, bouncing down on the ground, and rolling speedily into the field across the street.

184. Caesars
"(I'm Gonna) Kick You Out" 2:51
39 Minutes of Bliss
Stockholm, Sweden

Gil next door laughed out loud uncontrollably the moment the tire was struck by the semi, Monica laughed too. Clovis Hines, Satchmo, and Jake simply stood there shaking their heads, obviously concerned. Monica smiled cheerfully to the group as she simply went back inside the house as if nothing happened. The other three watched momentarily as Gil was now rolling on his porch laughing a bizarre sounding laugh. “Fuck it,” Clovis Hines finally ordered, “let’s go back in.”

183. Aesop Rock
"Bazooka Tooth" 2:25
Bazooka Tooth
New York, NY/San Francisco, CA

The group was sitting around in the living room when the door suddenly opened and Spartacus simply walked in without knocking. “What the fuck,” exclaimed Monica the moment she saw him. Gil, still dressed as the Lone Ranger shrilled with his bizarre laugh and once again was rolling on the floor uncontrollably. Satchmo arose and assisted Spartacus to ensure that he was physically intact. Although Monica continued to be outraged and fling insults towards him, Satchmo invited Spartacus inside and gave him a beer. Spartacus opened the beer, but did not drink it. Instead, he sat there smiling at the picture on the wall, a sketch drawing of a smiling Chinese Man stirring a bowl of salad with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

182. The High Strung
"Thrownaway" 2:28
These Are Good Times
Detroit, MI

In the background, a red ball bounced down the steps. Once it reached the bottom of the steps, it bounced straight up and down two times, then disappeared. This process was constantly repeated. “What this mother fucker needs is some pussy,” insisted Clovis Hines in reference to Spartacus. “That’s why this mother fucker’s so fucked up, cuz he ain’t no pussy. Sheeit. I could go on all day with all the pussy I had…Latoya…Veronica…Trudy…I even fucked ol’ Nappy Head Baker a time or two.” Satchmo asked, “Your cousin Trudy?” Jake intervened as well, “I heard ol’ Nappy Head Baker used to have a cock.” Clovis Hines ignored them both, “if this mother fucker’s gonna be hanging’ around here, we need to get this mother fucker some pussy. I ain’t gonna be having no fucked up mother fucker wearing no helmet and shit runnin’ around here.”

181. Oil
"Monolith" 3:37
Electric Tongue EP
Amsterdam, Netherlands

Rovanious stood face-to-face with Spartacus staring at him. “What the hell kind of mother fucker is this?” The rest of the group was gathered around the pool table shooting pool with a few others. “This mother fucker just needs some pussy,” shouted Clovis Hines as Monica shook her head at him. “Do you have any suggestions?” Satchmo asked kindly. Rovanious stared at him for a few seconds studying him, it was dead quiet, when he finally assessed, “tie a pork chop around his neck and hope the dog humps him.” Gil once again rolled on the floor laughing. People dropped their pool sticks from laughing so hard. Rovanious laughed. One person was rolling on top of the pool table from laughing so hard. Then, all at once, it was dead silent. On the wall was a sketch drawing of a smiling Chinese Man playing pool. “Nah,” asked Satchmo politely, “seriously.”

180. The Twilight Singers
"St. Gregory" 3:28
Blackberry Belle
New Orleans, LA

Angela will do it for $100. Everybody chipped in, until they had rounded up $100. Rovanious went off and found Angela, a sleek muscular badass looking black chick with a cool afro. “This mother fucker?” she questioned while knocking on his helmet. “You ever even been with a woman before?” Spartacus just stood there smiling, rocking back and forth, and finally erupted with his Bill Cosby sounding “dahhh” once again. Angela shook her head wondering what the fuck she just got herself talked into when Rovanious said, “ay, look at the bright side, at least you know it won’t take that long. What’s 100 times 60? That’s 6000 bucks an hour…beats cashiering at Wal Mart.”

179. Six Organs of Admittance
"Wind in My Palm" 5:11
Arcata, CA

Gil escorted them to the old hotel by horseback. They traveled down an old west style dirt road, Gil steering the horse, Angela riding saddleback arms around Gil’s waist, and Spartacus was being dragged by a rope tied around his ankle. Once they reached the destination, a hotel made out of wood painted red, Angela jumped off the horse and untied Spartacus. After Spartacus had been stood upright, they faced the hotel, which looked spooky, haunted, and desolate. Still dressed like the Lone Ranger, Gil looked seriously concerned as they were about to enter the hotel. “Tear that little mother fucker up,” said the horse to Angela as Gil yelled, “yah!” and they disappeared into a cloud of smoke. Angela pushed Spartacus up to the entrance.

You have to put it in sideways, or else it isn’t going to work.
Priscilla repeated that same line over and over, in the exact same kind, pleasant, monotonous voice to each member of the African village as she walked around, standing over each one’s shoulder, giving each person a specific set of instructions for packaging their pottery.
You have to put it in sideways, or else it isn’t going to work.

178. Animal Collective
"Too Soon" 6:27
Here Comes the Indian
Baltimore, MD/New York, NY

The interior of the hotel room was decorated entirely with animated cockroaches smiling and performing playful acts (the room was clean and free of any real cockroaches). On the wall was a picture of a sketch drawing of a smiling Chinese Man doing jump rope and the wallpaper elegant patterns of cockroaches. Even the comforter was decorated with child-like cockroach images…cockroaches playing ball, teeter-totter, and on a swing set. Off to the side, there were two chairs and an old white man was slouched over dead in one of them. Angela took off her coat and threw it at Spartacus. “You gonna do anything?” Angela asked as Spartacus simply stood there staring at her. Gradually, Angela removed all of her clothes, tossing each article of clothing off to the side, with one of her boots beaming the dead white guy in the face. Once she removed her panties, she forcefully stuffed them into Spartacus’s mouth.

177. Dirty Three
"She Has No Strings" 8:41
She Has No Strings Apollo
Melbourne, Australia

After she was fully naked, Angela climbed on the bed and awaited Spartacus. However, Spartacus merely stood there staring at her. As he was staring at her, Angela slid her hand in-between her legs and began rubbing her pussy. She continued to stroke her clit moaning with ecstasy while Spartacus did nothing but watch. Finally, the arousal became so sensual that Angela could not stop. She continued to lie on the bed, masturbating, stroking herself, screaming with pleasure. Spartacus did nothing but stare in awe, with that stupid smile on his face, while Angela masturbated loudly, rocking the bed with thunder as she continued to self-satisfy her bodily desires. Reaching the point of orgasm, there were numerous flashes—Spartacus’s face bearing a stupid grin then back to Angela loudly inducing orgasm upon herself; periodically there would be a flash of the blank expression of the dead guy’s face, the smile of the Chinese Man in the picture doing jump rope, the smiles of the decorative animated cockroaches playing badminton.

176. Explosions In The Sky
"Memorial" 8:50
The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
Austin, TX

Finally, Angela came, and she was a squirter—her cum completely covered the face of one of the decorative cartoon cockroaches doing jumping jacks on the bed sheets. The dead guy temporarily came back to life and smiled ever-so-slightly. Angela got dressed and Spartacus continued to stand there smiling, mesmerized. Back at the pool hall, Rovanious asked how it was. “He has a 14 inch cock,” Angela told them as she walked off. Suddenly, everybody looked at Spartacus much differently.

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