2012/01/18

The Top 175 Traxxx of 2003

The Top 200 Songs of 2003 + The Decoy Project
Part 1 A Very Strange Visitor
Part 2 Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle
Part 3 Sofa Kingdom
Part 4 The Plan
Part 5 The Decoy Project I
Part 6 The Trial
Part 7 Prison
Part 8 The Decoy Project II

Part II: Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



175. The Sleepy Jackson
"Good Dancers" 4:12
Lovers
Perth, Australia

Before this shit ever happened, we hung out with him. And, there were some good times. Shit wasn’t always bad, not for any of us. Jake and Monica made a nice couple. The rest of us, we all had some good times you know. But, it’s a fucked up world we live in. The goal, obviously, was to be happy, and a lot of times, each of us did our own thing. There’s always something though, it’s as if there was some sort of desire in the cosmos to ruin everything. That is probably a huge reason why we did what did, and, maybe even a huge reason why we fucked up the way we did…perhaps we didn’t care. But, we kept him around nonetheless…I suppose he was comedic relief for the most part.

174. The Decemberists
"Red Right Ankle" 3:29
Her Majesty The Decemberists
Portland, OR

Every person involved had lingering issues that would never go away. There seemed to always be police harassment, mysterious financial troubles, work related issues, or always at the wrong place at the wrong time. Though they were not naturally instilled to become criminals, eventually the world around them forced the issue. Even The Poodle had some serious issues.

173. Grandaddy
"Stray Dog And The Chocolate Shake" 3:44
Sumday
Modesto, CA

The Poodle was asked about his role in the situation and what he thought about Spartacus. He barked for several moments; the way he barked appeared as if he were talking. FLASHBACK: The Poodle is in the park, attached to a leash. A man in tuxedo is walking The Poodle as he sniffs near a tree. As the picture displays what exactly The Poodle is barking about, The Poodle also provides voiceover narration, which consists of more barking. The Poodle looked around the park and off to the side were two people dressed as clowns attempting to row a boat in grass; the boat did not go anywhere. These clowns attempted to row the boat with all of their might through the grass and across solid surface.

172. Apollo Sunshine
"Fear of Heights" 4:20
Katonah
Boston, MA

Rain fell from the sky, the picture blurred, and a group of people had gathered around the clowns attempting to row a boat across the dry ground. A child holding his father’s hand turned around and cried; he shouted something but it was inaudible—The Poodle attempted to interpret it, but it was merely barking. The clowns jumped out of the boat and hoisted it into the air. Together, they carried the boat over to the nearby baseball diamond and tossed it over the center field fence. With a slight tug of the leash, The Poodle was once again walking down the path with the man in the tuxedo. A gigantic water fall spilled from the top of the boat as the park ranger chased down the two clowns; the rangers shot at them with automatic assault rifles.

171. Electric Six
"Danger! High Voltage" 3:35
Fire
Detroit, MI

Even after it was rumored that he had a 14 inch cock, Spartacus was still unable to ever get laid. However, he drew the attention of all the ladies who had heard the rumor. With massive amounts of women gathered around him on the dance floor, Spartacus merely stood there looking stupid with his dumb grin. Rovanious and Clovis Hines, on the other hand, took full advantage of the situation and were constantly regarded as “playas.”

170. Die Monitr Batss
"Spread Yr Leggs, Release the Batss" 2:16
Youth Controllerzzz
Portland, OR

Why don’t any of you fucking criminals do it? “We are not killers and the only one capable of doing such a thing is Monica. Monica is not to be fucked with, she is too brutal and we are all surprised she hasn’t off him yet. Actually, she wants to do it, and yells at us insisting that it should be done already. There’s too much planning involved, and we need to get the fuck out of here. We don’t have a place to do it, we don’t have a place to dispose of anything, and in my opinion, and you don’t even have to kill this mother fucker if you don’t want to — you just have to make sure he doesn’t board the plane with us. Shit, to be honest with you, I don’t want him to get whacked, that’s Monica not us.”

169. Prefuse 73
"Perverted Undertone" 3:18
One Word Extinguisher
Miami, FL/New York, NY

Here’s some other shit I got a problem with, I heard Jake and Monica was in an abusive relationship. What’s up with that, does he hit her? “They are in a slightly abusive relationship, but it is not him doing the striking. He might have hit her once, but if she hits him first, 5 times, he hits her back once, and then she pins him down and beats him 50 more times…55 punches to his one doesn’t exactly count as him hitting a girl. Some people think that maybe he likes that kind of shit, some guys do, and none of us are allowed to say anything about it. If we inquire about it, she beats the shit out of us too.”

168. Erase Errata
"Ca Viewing" 2:54
At Crystal Palace
San Francisco, CA

Monica would kick your ass in a fight. “I highly doubt that.” Even if you had a weapon, I’d put my money on Monica. Put it this way, she claims she would never hit a girl, probably because the ones she has hit she fucked up severely. She did deck some white girl though, busted her in the fucking face just because she changed her music to some lame shit that she didn’t like. Monica claims the bitch had it coming and was getting on her nerves the whole night anyway, that just put her over the top.

167. A.R.E. Weapons
"Street Gang" 2:51
A.R.E. Weapons
New York, NY

Besides annoying white girls, Monica has a real issue with people who claim they have the right to tell her what to do. Like bad neighborhoods, people warned her that she needs to stay away from certain neighborhoods at night. Going to a show one night, she purposely parked her car in the back alley of the worst neighborhood in the city. Jake was scared shitless, but Monica felt she had to prove a point. Some mother fuckers approached her, started fucking around with her saying she wasn’t allowed to park her car there, then shit got ugly when they tried to assault Jake and assumed Monica was a white bitch asking to be raped. This is how ruthless her ass is, she came prepared. After she beat the fuck out of all them, even took one of the kid’s gun and broke his nose with it, she opened her trunk, got out a bunch of cleaning supplies, and told them all that not only better her car be left undamaged, unvandalized, and nothing stolen out of it, it better be fucking clean and shiny by the time she get back. Sure enough, when she got back, they were all there waiting for her…her car nice and shiny, vacuumed, with all the fluids topped off. Only one of them was permanently scarred, but was released from the hospital the next day.

166. Ui
"John Fitch Way" 6:34
Answers
New York, NY

Technically, Jake stole The Poodle. Prior to committing armed robbery, Jake worked as a pizza delivery driver. According to him, the customer did not give him a tip, was a real bitch, abused The Poodle, and then died. It was a major catastrophe, more bullshit we all had to put up with. “All that shit happened on a fucking pizza delivery?” You’d be amazed what goes on there.

165. The Angels of Light
"The Family God" 4:43
Everything Is Good Here/Please Come Home
New York, NY

The house was a real mess. Some burly ass bitch smoking a cigarette answered the door, yelled at her kids, “kids! Do something with The Poodle.” The kids came to the door, they were dirty and gross. Their faces were blackened and they appeared as if they had been working in a coal mine all day. Neither of them did anything with The Poodle, they simply grabbed the pizza and darted hastily back into the house. In the meantime, The Poodle kept attempting to escape from the house, and the burly woman kicked him in the face. “Kids! I said do something with this God damn poodle!” At that moment, The Poodle dashed out of the house and took off across the street. “God damn it! Kids! The Poodle got out again!”

164. Officer May
"Smoking A Minor" 5:16
Smoking in A Minor
Boston, MA

Without paying Jake for the pizza that kids were now devouring, the burly woman took off across the street chasing after The Poodle. Jake simply stood on the porch dumbfounded watching the whole debacle unfold. The Poodle was across the street taking a shit in the neighbor’s yard. The burly woman was still barefooted; her feet already dirty and rough, ran around the yard chasing after The Poodle, yelling out “get your fucking ass back here you God damn poodle!” As she was attempting to apprehend him with force, The Poodle was endeavoring to get away be being elusive and running around trees.

163. Dave Douglas
"Black Rock Park" 4:54
Freak In
Montclair, NJ/New York, NY

There was a huge turd in the middle of the lawn and the burly woman’s bare foot planted directly in it as she was chasing after The Poodle. This not only infuriated her, but caused her to slip as the traction was altered from her foot. The Poodle darted across the street back towards the next door neighbor’s house and as the burly woman was chasing after him, she slipped and fell in the road. Lying on her back with the cigarette still in her mouth, she flailed her arms and legs up and down trying to get up, but could only slide and spin around on her back. A UPS truck rode down the street and plowed over her, causing sparks to fly from the pavement as she was dragged down the road.

162. The Bronx
"Heart Attack American" 2:51
The Bronx
Los Angeles, CA

The UPS truck had dragged the burly woman out of sight. Inside the house, the kids were throwing slices of the piping hot pizza at each other. A slice of the pizza splattered against the wall and stuck there. One of the children removed the slice of pizza from the wall and threw it back at his brother. The kitchen window opened and a man wearing a black ski mask entered the house. He raced over to the table, grabbed a slice of pizza, threw it at one of the kids, and then escaped out the same window in which he entered.

161. Seekonk
"Hate The Sun" 4:07
For Barbara Lee
Portland, ME

The Poodle interrupted the story by barking out loud, the same fashion in which he always barks—where it looks as if he is speaking. FLASHBACK: As The Poodle is barking, the picture displays what The Poodle is barking about. He once again provides voice over narration, but once again, it is barking. The Poodle was standing by a lake drinking the water next to a deer. It would appear the deer and The Poodle were having a conversation but we cannot make out what they are saying. Suddenly, there was a giant splash and the man in the tuxedo emerged from the water and swam his way back to shore. He showed The Poodle and the deer what it was that he had been searching for—it was the broken tip of a fishing pole that held an artificial still attached to the line. The man in the tuxedo placed the artificial lure back into a tackle box, and then threw the entire tackle box into the pond…he and The Poodle waved goodbye to the deer and walked off.

160. Why?
"Ape in Cage With Wire Cutters" 4:09
Oaklandazulasylum
Berkeley, CA

The slice missed and splattered on the TV set that was showing a Robin Trains marathon. Robin Trains is a series of gay midget porn about a midget who rides through the old west on a Shetland pony wearing nothing but butt less chaps, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat. In this particular episode, a white man with a mustache—the deputy—was left tied up on the railroad tracks. Rather than untie the hot sweaty deputy in distress, Robin Trains removed his butt less chaps and got on top of the man, who seemed reluctant at first, then was moaning with pleasure while shouting “fuck me! Fuck me Robin Trains! Stick your big huge midget cock into my ass!”

159. The Oranges Band
"OK Apartment" 3:12
All Around
Baltimore, MD

The moment Jake went inside the house, the kids froze. They stared at Jake with dirty faces covered now in coal soot and pizza sauce. Jake looked around the house, which was a mess. He noticed the midget porn on the TV, the stuffing in the couch had been pulled out, and there was sketch drawing on the wall of a smiling Chinese Man doing a one-armed hand stand while holding a carton of milk in his other hand. The masked burglar came in through the window again, rummaged through the cabinets underneath the sink, apprehended a bottle of dishwashing detergent and box of trash bags, and then escaped again through the window as if he were being sneaky.

158. Singapore Sling
"Midnight" 5:33
Curse of Singapore Sling
Reykjavik, Iceland

She didn’t even pay me. There was no way the pizza could be taken back; it looked as if it had been dropped from a roof and into a tar pit. It wasn’t the fact that she didn’t pay, he had devoted his own gas and was depending on the tip. Rather than order these dirty ass kids to pay for the pizza, Jake walked outside and spotted The Poodle standing by his car. The moment Jake opened the door, The Poodle got in…it was fate. He immediately perched himself in the passenger seat prepared for a wonderful adventure.

157. Pleasure Forever
"Wicked Shivering Columbine" 3:30
Alter
San Francisco, CA

As they were driving off, the burly woman was laying on the side of the road with the cigarette still in her mouth. Not one single person even stopped for her. The Poodle barked at her from the window, and then looked over at Jake, still barking. Jake could not make out what The Poodle was barking about, but assumed it was something important. “What boy? What is it?” FLASHBACK: The Poodle is staring down inside a toilet bowl. He cannot take a drink because there is hand sticking out of the hole swishing the water around.

156. Clearlake
"It's All Too Much" 4:30
Cedars
Brighton, England

It was in a dark room that was characterized by a thick fog inside the abandoned apartment. Everything was made from wood and covered in cobwebs. There were ghosts floating in the air, or so it appeared. Two glowing eyes appeared from the next room and moved their way closer; it was a Rottweiler. The dog came from the kitchen and moved through the dining room, stopping just in front of the room where The Poodle was standing. The Rottweiler barked at nothing, not The Poodle, but its blank stare focused on something in the air. Obviously, this dog had been dead for years. When The Poodle turned around, there was a man seated on the couch with a brown paper bag over his head. Another man entered with a mug full of coffee, his head was a yellow smiley face. He sat next to the man with the bag over his head and the two smiled eerily at The Poodle.

155. The Delgados
"Child Killers" 6:43
Hate
Glasgow, Scotland

The Poodle was napping peacefully on the porch while Monica was relaxing on the swing doing a puzzle. As if he heard something, The Poodle awoke from his sleep and stood up on the edge of the porch and sat. Monica glanced behind her, and then she too arose calmly from the swing and stood next to The Poodle. Satchmo was spraying the lawn with a hose, stopped and looked. Clovis Hines was sitting in a lawn chair on the porch, and he too looked. Gil, dressed the Lone Ranger, emerged from his home and stood on his porch. Jake came from inside the house and out onto the porch. Rovanious came from the garage. Kyle and Walter mysteriously appeared and were standing in the lawn watching what was taking place, which now had the full attention of all involved.

154. Lowlights
"In the Distance" 6:32
Lowlights
Albuquerque, NM

You have to put it in sideways, or else it isn’t going to work.
Priscilla repeated that same line over and over, in the exact same kind, pleasant, monotonous voice to each member of the African village as she walked around, standing over each one’s shoulder, giving each person a specific set of instructions for packaging their pottery.
You have to put it in sideways, or else it isn’t going to work.


153. Joggers
"Back to the Future" 4:04
Solid Guild
Portland, OR

Kyle and Walter were greeted with smiles; Kyle is a white guy who looks like this…Walter looks like this. They cracked open a drink and leaned up against the railing on the porch, talking, laughing with the group…The Poodle listened attentively, but we do not hear what they are saying; just the music. But we do hear a disturbance on the roof. After a series of loud clanking, Spartacus fell off the roof and into the yard. Once again, Gil laughed hysterically; The Poodle glanced over at Gil. Some random white people show up in the yard and form a circle around Spartacus and sang the line from the song beginning with “a shadow from the…” in unison while they hovered over him. Rovanious stood next to them smiling.

152. Brookville
"This Is How It Ends" 4:59
Wonderfully Nothing
New York, NY

A round blue kiddy pool was in the middle of the yard, and Spartacus was jumping up and down in it. The whole group, Satchmo, Clovis Hines, Kyle, Walter, Jake, Monica, and Rovanious hoisted the pool into the air with Spartacus standing in it, and then spun the pool around in circles. They looked so happy, having a marvelous time, while The Poodle sniffed around their feet as they made the circle; Gil standing on the porch laughing. Spartacus was attempting to keep his balance, and a dorsal fin from a great white shark had emerged from the top of the pool. Suddenly, the shark jumped out of the water, chomped down on Spartacus, and blood spilled from his mouth while everybody else laughed merrily twirling the pool in the circle. It was the last time they were all together here, but they were determined that was not going to be the last time ever.

151. Matt Elliott
"Cotard's Syndrome" 8:43
The Mess We Made
Bath, England

The Poodle barked. FLASHBACK: The Poodle was walking down the stairway of an apartment building when one of the doors opened abruptly. An elderly woman poked her head out from the door and called out, “Clyde. Clyde.” She looked around, but there was no Clyde. The Poodle remained on the step. The door opened again, the same process was repeated with woman calling out, “Clyde. Clyde,” then closing the door.

A group of people came up the steps, and when the woman opened the door again, they simply walked passed her and into her house—the lady ignored them, kept calling out for Clyde. When she did it again, The Poodle looked into her apartment—there were numerous people standing in her living room watching her; the couch was so full that grown men were sitting on each other’s lap. Another guy wearing tan khakis, heavy set, climbed the steps carrying a briefcase. He opened the briefcase and pulled out a fire extinguisher and waited. The woman opened the door again; the man with the fire extinguisher was standing right in front of her. She ignored him, as if she did not see him, called out, “Clyde. Clyde.”

The man in khakis sprayed her with the fire extinguisher, emptied it, covered her, then calmly put the fire extinguisher back in the briefcase and walked back down the steps. The group of people inside the apartment opened the door and watched the man walk down the steps, as did The Poodle from the steps. The woman, covered in fire extinguisher powder, made her way through the crowd and called out, “Clyde. Clyde.”






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