The Top 150 Traxxx of 2003

The Top 200 Songs of 2003 + The Decoy Project
Part 1 A Very Strange Visitor
Part 2 Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle
Part 3 Sofa Kingdom
Part 4 The Plan
Part 5 The Decoy Project I
Part 6 The Trial
Part 7 Prison
Part 8 The Decoy Project II

Part III: Sofa Kingdom

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

150. Screamfeeder
"Now I Don't Feel So Bad" 4:16
Take You Apart
Brisbane, Australia

None of us feel any remorse for what happened. It’s not as if we are sociopaths, it simply does not do any good whatsoever to sit around contemplating what ifs, regretting that shit went awry. We definitely do not give a flying fuck about the bank. The purpose of the bank is to steal from the poor and give to the rich. Shit, one of us involved worked at the bank—that should tell you something.

149. Polysics
"X-Rays (This Is My Life)" 4:15
Tokyo, Japan

I’m sure in your line of work you’ve heard some ghastly stories about genuine pricks. Some of these people just had it coming. Let’s face it; some people are genuine fucking assholes. For proof of this, simply look at the condition of the world. It did not become this way because people have a history of being nice to each other.

148. Japanther
"Super Loser" 4:01
Dump The Body In Rikki Lake
New York, NY

Shit, the development of society on a whole required some brutal techniques, and the end result was failure. Look at the fucking crusades—that whole purpose was to spread the good of religion…and that too was a failure. In order to implement a new facet of life, the old methods occasionally have to suffer. But, who is to say which procedure is right and which is wrong. This society, well, it sucks. It needed some changes, nobody was making these changes, so we decided to make them ourselves…after all, it’s our life, and we might as well live it how we desire.

147. Matt Wilson Quartet
"Beginning of a Memory" 4:25
Knoxville, IL/New York, NY

Yea, some people died. But you know what? Fuck ‘em. We didn’t kill any of them. I’m not going to sit here and play that we are totally innocent or any of that shit, I suppose we did create the situation. But, perhaps we are serving our own justice. The one who pulled the trigger, he’s free now, although wanted by the police. His sentence was reduced, but we had no choice to bust his ass out with the rest of them.

146. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
"Wolf Among Wolves" 3:47
Master And Everyone
Louisville, KY

Maybe justice is being served. He’s the one we are getting rid of; he’s the purpose of this meeting. It’s his three million dollars. Some say he couldn’t help what he did; some say we made him do it. Regardless, none of that shit matters now. I am naming you prosecutor. You do whatever you see fit, whatever you think the ideal sentence should be…you do that, the three million dollars is yours.

145. Sun Kil Moon
"Gentle Moon" 4:59
Ghosts of the Great Highway
San Francisco, CA

If I could go back and do it all over again, sure, I’d do a few things differently. But, I can’t do that. Shit, if I could do that, I’d go way the fuck farther back than that whole ordeal. I could have changed the things that led up to that, we all could have done that. There’s a select few who’d keep everything intact, but the majority would change all kinds of things. Let’s just say, it wouldn’t just be that one element that put the gun in his hand…it’d be all the shit caused that. I’d even go back farther; to before I was ever born, and the change the world I was born in, that away I could be the select few who kept everything perfectly in place. Maybe some mother fuckers would suffer as a result, but we all suffered as the result of whoever created this fucking mess.

144. Brokeback
"In the Reeds" 4:59
Looks At the Bird
Chicago, IL

The Poodle barked, as if he needed to add something important. FLASHBACK: There is no sound, just music, with The Poodle providing periodic narration—barking. Skiers were speeding down a mountain. Each and every skier that passed crashed into a tree and exploded. As the skiers kept mounting, the flames grew higher and the tree was on fire. Soon, the entire mountain was on fire as the tree kept getting bombarded with skiers crashing into it. A raccoon emerged from the forest carrying a suitcase. He approached The Poodle and they sniffed each other’s noses and walked off. The man in the tuxedo was again walking The Poodle. As they walked off, with more skiers crashing into the tree in the background, the three walked side-by-side smiling to one another. The raccoon appeared to say something to the man in the tuxedo and he laughed about it. This raccoon certainly was entertaining.

143. The Essex Green
"By the Sea" 2:58
The Long Goodbye
New York, NY

In slow motion, Spartacus climbed u[ onto a steel handrail leading down a long flight of steps, took a seated position and slid down the rail. It was a long slide that seemed never ending as he slid past the pedestrians walking up the flights of steps. As he slid by, the people turned to him and smiled, some waved, most were carrying briefcases. Behind Spartacus was a grass field in which people was playing, picnicking, and a group of senior citizens were jumping on a trampoline. By the song’s end, he still had not yet reached the bottom.

142. Warren Zevon
"Knockin' on Heaven's Door" 4:05
The Wind
Chicago, IL (1947)-Los Angeles, CA (2003)

One-by-one, the senior citizens sprang from the trampoline and onto the rail. It was their last ever joyride. Again, there was no sound, just music. Throughout the duration of the song, the elderly people jumped from the trampoline, did some sort of a trick in mid-air, landed on the rail, and slid down. The path in which they slid veered off to the left—unlike Spartacus’s. Soon, there was a whole row of them, dozens of them, sliding down the rail, smiling, and some of them spinning on their backs with childlike grins. The rail led to some mystical kingdom that seemed to surpass reality—none of the others could even see their destination; it was as if they disappeared into thin air.

141. Calexico
"Attack El Robot! Attack!" 3:17
Feast Of Wire
Tucson, AZ

The group of nine was standing side-by-side with their backs against a brick wall. Two people walked passed carrying a sofa and placed it directly in front of them, and then sat on the sofa staring at them. More people carrying sofas would follow. As the group of nine stood against the wall, rows of people sitting in sofas began to form, until it was almost the size of an auditorium. One person on each sofa turned on a flashlight and shun it in the direction of the group of nine. As far as the eye could see, in every direction, more and more people were arriving carrying sofas.

140. Russian Futurists
"The Plight of the Flightless Bird" 2:21
Let's Get Ready to Crumble
Toronto, ON, Canada

Monica with two of her girlfriends was walking down a busy street. She was in the middle; she was the tallest and the standout. The three women appeared to be enjoying themselves, smiling, laughing with each other, hair blowing coolly in the wind as they walked down sidewalk. Three penguins were coming from the other direction and approaching Monica and her group. Both groups seemed to be talking, but there is no sound, just music. Once the two parties made contact with each other, (switch to slow motion) each of the penguins turned their heads to get another glance of the three lovely ladies walking by. Monica reached out her hand and patted one of the penguins on the head. Upon having his head rubbed by Monica’s hand, the penguin swooned his arms together and fainted with hearts floating in the air. As they were walking off, the two other women turned around and spotted the fainted penguin lying on the ground, and all three of them laughed.

139. Wire
"Read and Burn" 2:35
London, England

I have a question: why the fuck would you put a loaded weapon into the hands of a retard? In fact, if there was never even any intent of mother fucker’s to get shot, then why the hell did you need guns in the first place? And, if you cats supposedly ain’t even criminals in the first place, then how the hell did you have access to guns of that caliber?

138. S PRCSS
"Spring Garden Drive-By" 3:23
Providence, RI

Six Finger Rick is the sickest boy in Providence. It’s this white dude that Clovis Hines knows. The guns were on sale, he got a good deal on them. Just because we ain’t criminals doesn’t mean that we are all shiny happy glossy mother fuckers with silver spoons up our asses. Some serious shit went down somewhere, shit I don’t know about, next thing you know, mother fuckers are getting shot and Six Finger Rick’s got a warrant on his ass. The timing just happened to be perfect, he needed to unload the weapons to keep the cops off his ass, and Clovis Hines scored them for a small price.

137. The Radio Dept.
"Where Damage Isn't Already Done" 2:44
Lesser Matters
Malmö, Sweden

“So where are the guns now? If you have access to these guns, then what the fuck do you need me for?” There were three guns, one for Jake, one for Monica, and one for Spartacus. None of them even knew how to use the shit and never even considered to check if they were loaded or how to turn the safety switch on or off. After the shit went down, the guns were confiscated by the police. Once the guns were gone, Clovis Hines had to reason with Six Finger Rick, and we had to pay him off to dip out back to Providence. Otherwise, there’d be a huge price on our asses, and for all I know there still is. The cops don’t know where the guns came from though, that’s not an issue.

136. Rapider Than Horsepower
"Saddle Up!" 1:22
Stage Fright Stage Fright
Bloomington, IN

Robin Trains boarded a train filled with nothing but gay midgets except for the conductor who stood the size of 5’11”. The moment Robin entered the train, his posse entered from the back, waving guns and demanded everybody hand over their wallets. While the scantily dressed gay midgets were robbing the passengers of all their belongings, Robin Trains was getting a blowjob from the conductor—which showed his cock enter his eager mouth. The other members of the posse stripped the conductor out of his uniform and ravaged him…there was even a shot of double penetration as the conductor went air tight.

135. Melt-Banana
"Shield for Your Eyes, A Beast in the Well on Your Hand" 4:02
Cell Scape
Tokyo, Japan

Jake and Spartacus met Kyle and Walter at the Melt-Banana concert. This is when things started to take shape. They greeted each other as friends do, handshakes, cheers and whatnot, and stood gathered in a group to watch the show. It was Spartacus’s first concert, what a first experience for live music—Melt-Banana. They stood in the crowd watching the performance, just off to the side of the stage divers and pit area. After the song, Kyle leaned over and told Jake, “We have something to tell you later. Forget it for now, later.”

134. Low Flying Owls
"Swingin' Sam" 4:56
Elixr Vitae
Sacramento, CA

Spartacus strayed from the group and somehow got involved with a group of punks. He went to the bathroom with them and they snorted some coke. Unlike his experience with Angela, who merely masturbated, this guy pushed Spartacus into the bathroom stall and French kissed him. Spartacus just let the guy have his way with him while he stood by toilet with that stupid grin on his face. When the androgynous punk went down, Spartacus let out the Bill Cosby-like “dahhh!”

133. The Star Spangles
"In Love Again" 3:16
Brewster, NY

Nobody else really needed convincing, just Jake and Monica…and somewhat Satchmo. It’s difficult to pull off a major heist with a couple involved. At the same time, it can make life easier…look at Bonnie and Clyde. The only thing they really had going was each other. But, in a relationship in which both parties are in love with each other, one or both will be hesitant to engage in illegal activities to jeopardize what they have. We weren’t sure which one it would be; but somehow we suspected that both of them would be in without any persuasion whatsoever…which turned out to be the case.

132. Longwave
"Pool Song" 3:00
The Strangest Thing
New York, NY

Satchmo had morals and was actually a complete law-abiding citizen. However, he was still prone to be harassed by the police and was not getting any respect at his job. He served in the military and had a degree in Communications…he worked in housekeeping at a hospital. Despite the fact that he worked 40-50 hours a week, he seemed to constantly get bypassed for any promotions or raises; despite the fact he was one of the first black men to earn a degree in his community, his living standards weren’t much better than anybody else’s. When you nickname your own home “The Poor House” millions of bullshit-free dollars becomes more lucrative.

131. Jeff Hanson
"The End of Everything Known" 6:00
Milwaukee, WI (1978)- St. Paul, MN (2009)

After he agreed to be a part of the mission, Satchmo could not help but feel concerned. He did not even have a fear of getting caught or put in prison…his assignment was relatively risk free anyway. It was the fact that he was going to participate in theft, a violation of one of the Ten Commandments, and a severe violation of the standards implemented by his parents. He lied awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, recalling the way his mother used to scold him for certain acts. One incident, Satchmo stole a 40 ounce bottle of Miller High Life when he was but 8 years old. Once they were in the parking lot, Satchmo opened the 40 ounce bottle and began drinking it. His mother smacked him across the hand, gave him a whipping, and made him not only take the bottle of beer back inside the store, but he had to apologize to the manager as well. After a series of scoldings and lectures, to this day, Satchmo has never stolen anything since and rarely consumes alcohol. He knows his mother would not approve of this deed.

130. East River Pipe
"I Won't Dream About The Girl" 4:31
Garbageheads On Endless Stun
Suffolk, VA/New Jersey

Kyle was a manager at the bank. Every day, he saw millions of dollars going in and out and was programmed to never even dream about it. However, he did have to deal with irate customers; working people who would be charged excessive fees for minute overdrafts. He was lenient and would override the fees. Before too long of dealing with this constant harassment, being made out as if he were the bad person, Kyle questioned the ethics of his own employment. It was amazing just how much money they made, and the tactics they employed to earn it.

129. National Eye
"Copy of a Copy" 4:27
The Meter Glows
Philadelphia, PA

After the concert, Kyle, Jake, Walter, and Spartacus ducked down an alleyway to smoke some pot. Somebody had spray painted graffiti on the brick wall of a smiling Chinese Man clubbing a seal…it was rather grotesque. They passed the bowl to Spartacus. After he took his hit, he floated into space as his helmet know had a glass shield just like a space suit. He drifted down through the gas layers of Jupiter, landed on a surreal surface, and was immediately surrounded by colorful creatures that resembled ferrets.

128. Mountaineers
"Backgrounds" 3:59
Messy Century
Liverpool, England

The group of ferret looking creatures surrounded Spartacus, sniffing him, biting at him, and then climbed up his clothes. Soon, he was nearly covered with these colorful creatures. An enormous green figure approached, he had no legs, just wobbled across the ground. This thing had humungous eyes and a big cartoon smile. Once the green creature approached Spartacus, it jumped into the air, and when it landed, it sent Spartacus flying back through space. With his spacesuit still on, Spartacus fell from the heavens, and dropped from the sky just in time to take his next hit.

127. Viktor Vaughn
"A Dead Mouse" 3:56
Vaudeville Villain
London, England/New York, NY

While they were smoking a bowl, the group was discussing politics. For whatever reason, they agreed that September 11th was a hoax. They had grown tired of the inflating gas prices. It had reached the point where they were going to stand in front of the abortion clinic and protest gas prices; one because they think gas prices has crippled the economy; two, because the sidewalk in front of the clinic is not owned by the protestors and they are sick of seeing them. Gas prices has affected Walter’s job.

126. Echoboy
"Wasted Spaces" 7:21
Sutton-in-Ashfield, England

Walter drives an armored truck for a living. That is how he knows Kyle; he makes the pick-ups and deliveries to the bank. They had been friends for a quite a long time, and now take lunch breaks together, and obviously, hangout after work. In order to preserve the rich man’s embezzlement of hidden fees induced upon the poor, Walter has to burn 20 gallons of gas everyday in a vehicle that does not even get 5 miles to the gallon.

As they were good and stoned, riled up from both the concert and the political rants, Jake finally asked, “what is it you wanted to tell me.”

They looked around to make sure they were alone. “We’re robbing the bank.”

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