Part 1 A Very Strange Visitor
Part 2 Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle
Part 3 Sofa Kingdom
Part 4 The Plan
Part 5 The Decoy Project I
Part 6 The Trial
Part 7 Prison
Part 8 The Decoy Project II
Part IV: The Plan
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
125. Death Cab for Cutie
"The New Year" 4:06
Kyle and Walter had planned the mission so precisely that they remedied every possible scenario in which they could get caught. There were only a couple possible situations in which things could have gone awry, but they seemed miniscule. All things considered, in conjunction with other bank robberies I suppose, this one was relatively low risk. However, it required a lot of people…all nine of us, and we even had to recruit a 10th and an 11th.
"Cough Coughing" 3:21
I Am the Fun Blame Monster
34 million dollars was scheduled to be delivered to the bank. Some rich white guy was transferring funds from one bank to the other for some fucked up transaction that made no sense whatsoever. The transaction seemed peculiar for a multitude of reasons, and Kyle suspected some sort of laundering taking place as well. None of that mattered, for whatever reason it be, 34 million dollars, cash, was being delivered, by Walter, to the bank in which Kyle was employed with intentions of being placed in security box…and then withdrawn in the next few days.
123. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
"Witch Mountain Bridge" 5:22
With a few minor alterations, the cash was to be delivered prior to the owner showing up to authorize access to his own security box. During this period, the cash would be stored into the vault until the owner arrived. This was relatively common, because people who possess this amount of cash rarely hang around the bank from open to close awaiting the delivery. Furthermore, there was some sort of bizarre discrepancy involving the rapid withdrawal of this cash too. It wasn’t ever intended to even remain at the bank for a prolonged period of time.
122. Xiu Xiu
"Pink City" 2:13
San Jose, CA
Kyle and Walter were to be conducting this mission while on the clock—therefore their assignments were obvious. All they basically had to do was show up for work just like any other day. The only work they needed to do was fabricate a different set of bags that resembled the ones Walter was to be delivering. That was easy. The bags of fake money, mostly shredded paper, were to be placed in one exact spot just outside the bank.
121. The Mars Volta
"Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt" 8:42
De-Loused in the Comatorium
El Paso, TX
Recruit #10—Charlie. Armored trucks are required to carry a passenger for extra security. This person obviously had to be recruited or else the entire plan would be complicated. He had the easiest mission. All he had to do was show up for work, as usual, keep quiet, and stand in front of the camera for a whole whopping nine seconds. After this, the rest of his day would be exactly like any other, and soon he would be rewarded with 3 million dollars. In the slumping economy, he had watched his retirement investments dwindle, the price of home decrease significantly in value, and to top it off, all these years working with Walter, they had joked about this sort of thing. In fact, he had numerous schemes in which he had plotted just working in this business. “But, I’d never do any of that.” That’s what they all say.
"Dracula's Wedding" 2:32
Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
For the nine seconds he stands in front of the camera, Rovanious merely walks behind the bank carrying the bags of shredded paper, drops them behind the truck, and grabs the bags of actual cash. This is actually easy because the two employees in the armored truck know exactly what is going on; therefore Rovanious does not need to be sneaky or sly with the switch. Furthermore, there is no sound on the camera, and Walter and Charlie merely have to look normal. Since both of them are in the picture at the same time, since no robbery occurs on the truck, nothing looks suspicious.
119. The Dandy Warhols
"We Used To Be Friends" 3:20
Welcome to The Monkey House
Once the quick switch has taken place, Rovanious merely tosses the bags of cash into Satchmo’s trunk which is parked nearby in the rear parking lot. Satchmo is to park his car, pop the trunk, and wait. While Satchmo is sitting in his car, Rovanious tosses the bags of cash into the trunk, closes the trunk, and walks away casually. Once the trunk is closed, Satchmo drives away and simply goes home…with 34 million dollars in the trunk.
118. Super Furry Animals
"Bleed Forever" 3:39
As scheduled, Walter is going to make the delivery. All of this will be recorded, documented, and captured on video. While Charlie remains in the vehicle simply doing his job, Walter carries the bags of fake cash into the bank for the deposit. Evidence will clearly indicate that Walter delivered the cash properly and the document, signed by Kyle, will clearly show that there was no foul play whatsoever with the delivery of this cash.
"Me And Giuliani Down By The Schoolyard (A True Story)" 9:05
Me And Giuliani Down By The Schoolyard (Maxi Single)
New York, NY
Kyle is to sign all the papers as usual. As with every other delivery, he is going to talk to Walter about music, basketball, or other various topics they speak about as they have become friends and nobody suspects them of anything. Once the papers have been signed, Kyle will take the bags of shredded paper into the vault and place them in the secured storage area as if everything was perfectly fine. Once the shredded paper is in the vault, Kyle simply goes back to work, and Walter and Charlie leave in the armored truck and continue their route. So far, this is a completely ordinary day, except for the 34 million dollars which is in Satchmo’s trunk.
116. The Pernice Brothers
Yours, Mine & Ours
Once everything appears normal in the bank, Spartacus is to enter with The Poodle. This is a violation of city ordinance, but it would simply appear like a retard coming into a bank with his dog. Spartacus is to set The Poodle down on the floor and simply let him run loose in the bank. Being as The Poodle is aloof and prone to bark, this is going to be a major distraction. Kyle is to sound like a major prick, and order security to get rid of this fucking retard and that God damn poodle.
115. Loose Fur
"You Were Wrong" 3:34
Security will temporarily leave his station while Kyle sternly watches the door. While security is scolding Spartacus for letting a dog run loose in the bank, and Spartacus obviously just stands there staring at him with his stupid grin, one of the tellers will be assigned to assist apprehending The Poodle, while the customers seem confused and help chase the elusive poodle around the bank. The other manager, Ruth, will gladly pause her meeting with loan customers to help resolve The Poodle problem. Ruth, by the way, is recruit #11.
Eventually, The Poodle may or may not get caught. However, Spartacus is obviously a retard with a stupid looking grin. Once security loses patience with Spartacus, he is to draw a gun on security while maintaining his stupid grin. The Poodle will continue to be a distraction, pestering customers who are now confused and afraid that the mentally challenged person just drew a gun on the security guard.
113. Ryan Adams
Rock 'N' Roll
Jacksonville, NC/New York, NY
The moment Spartacus draws his weapon on security; Jake and Monica are to enter the bank dressed in disguises. Upon entering, they are to have their guns drawn, order everybody down on the ground, and declare a robbery. Security is being held at gunpoint away from his station, neither Ruth nor Kyle will sound the alarm immediately. The customers will be lying down on the ground.
112. TV on the Radio
"Young Liars" 5:12
Young Liars EP
New York, NY
Jake and Monica are to put a gun to Kyle’s head and demand the cash that had been delivered. Kyle will put up his hands, pretend to be afraid, and fully cooperate. Jake is to go to the vault with Kyle, Monica is remain in the lobby to monitor security and the customers. The Poodle is to simply run around and bark, possibly even sniff the customers lying on the ground and lick their faces. It is possible that some of them will giggle when The Poodle sniffs their faces—it will be the most memorable facet of this bank robbery.
111. The Black Keys
"Hold Me in Your Arms" 3:20
So far, the beauty of this is that neither Jake nor Monica is required to be sneaky upon entering and exiting the bank. Kyle will see them coming, but he is in on the plan too—as is Ruth. Security will be distracted. Jake and Monica can approach the bank perfectly normal, and wait to put on their disguises until they are in the foyer. To the public just before entering the bank, they will appear perfectly normal.
110. The Thrills
"Old Friends New Lovers" 4:01
So Much For The City
Kyle and Jake will return from the vault with the bags of shredded paper. All people in the bank will be ordered to remain on the ground. Monica will grab The Poodle and the four decoy bank robbers will exit the bank. Upon leaving, and while everybody remains on the ground, Jake and Monica are to ditch their masks and disguises in the foyer area and walk out onto the street unblemished carrying bags. It does not matter if they are stopped and questioned about the bags; it is merely shredded paper en route to the recycling center.
109. Damien Rice
The highest risk most dangerous mission involves Clovis Hines. Once they have left the bank, Spartacus and The Poodle are to get in Clovis’ vehicle for the getaway. However, Spartacus is mute and has obvious mental issues. Should there be any complications, Clovis can say that he was car-jacked by Spartacus and Spartacus could not say shit about it because the mother fucker never speaks anyway. However, Clovis is sly enough to ensure that Spartacus stay down in the car, and may even order him to ride in the trunk if nobody is present.
108. The Shins
"Gone for Good" 3:13
Chutes Too Narrow
Jake and Monica are simply to walk casually down the streets with the bags. Once they reach the nearest trash can, which are on every corner, they simply set the bags of paper down next to the garbage can and walk away, smiling, hand-in-hand. Kyle will eventually have to sound the alarm, but, a mere 48 seconds after the robbery was committed, there is zero evidence whatsoever linking Jake and Monica to the crime. If they were stopped, they would have no money, no weapons, no masks, and witnesses saw them frolicking merrily down the street holding hands.
107. Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Fever to Tell
New York, NY
When the police arrive, Kyle will give a description of the assailants, but it will not match that of Jake and Monica’s. Security will speak of a retard. The customers will relate to the police about a poodle. The police will have no choice but to put out an APB and issue a warrant for a retard, a poodle, and two non-existent hooligans with an obvious tattoo on the wrist. And, all of this was clearly caught on camera; well, except for the obvious wrist tattoo. Meaning: the money was in fact stolen by means of a robbery, not in the back parking lot before it ever even reached the vault.
"We Suck Young Blood. (Your Time Is Up.)" 4:56
Hail to the Thief
Unlike black people and punks, the police do not have the luxury to randomly harass the mentally challenged. It’s not as if they can spot a retard walking down the street and interrogate him. The procedure involved with detaining a mentally handicapped requires some time and planning. However, at that moment, Spartacus would be the only prime suspect.
105. Cat Power
"Good Woman" 3:59
You Are Free
Atlanta, GA/New York, NY
Prior to the robbery, we had made arrangements to sell Spartacus to a Dutch slave trader. Clovis Hines was to drive straight from the bank to the pier where Spartacus was to board a ship and be sent off somewhere to be used for slavery. We figured that with his portion of the cash, we could always buy him back if necessary. Also, he had been living off of us for free anyway, so it served him right to have to do some work. Lastly, if he was detained by the police, we figured that rather than any of us get caught, we would also be bringing down another corrupt operation that had ruined the world.
Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid
New York, NY
Rovanious and Satchmo were to travel straight to the airport and board the plane en route to Dunedin, New Zealand. Because they had completed their task before the decoy robbery, they were already on board before they could even be deemed a suspect. At the time they boarded the plane, and at the time of departure, no robbery had been reported and there was no reason to suspect a passenger may be carrying over a million dollars in their luggage…inside amazing vacuum cleaner filters. They were business travelers…vacuum cleaner filters was official business, and they had to meet with some representatives from New Zealand to discuss sales of the new filter.
"No Weather" 3:16
New York, NY
However, boarding an airplane with that amount of cash requires a great deal of strategy and concealment. They devised a scheme to pull this off. All they needed right away was enough money to obtain an apartment and those sorts of things. The money being brought on the carry-on and the cash being concealed in the chamber they prepared in the bottom of The Poodle’s pet carrier was an ample supply to get them the basic necessities. The rest of the cash was being mailed via UPS in documents only envelopes…approximately 25-30 of them each containing roughly one million dollars.
102. Fruit Bats
"The Little Acorn" 6:26
Chicago, IL/Seattle, WA
Travel arrangements were made beforehand. Jake and Monica were to drive separately to airports in the next state, opposite directions, and fly out from there because they had the most time. Each of the other members was to travel at night, and depart from various airports in the surrounding region. No two members of the crew flew together except for Rovanious and Satchmo. Everybody else flew separately and from different airports. Furthermore, in order to not look suspicious, not all flights were immediately booked to Dunedin, New Zealand. They would get there eventually, but would need to make a few other stops along the way.
101. Kings Of Leon
Youth & Young Manhood
Mount Juliet, TN
Ruth was the one who arranged all of this. Also, she notarized documents that gave them passports and visas with different names. She made arrangements for housing, scheduled business trips, investment firms, and plans for numerous events. There would be a lot of travelling the first few months or so after the robbery, but all agreed it would be nice to vacation around the whole world…that’s the purpose for doing this sort of a job anyway. Dunedin, New Zealand just seemed like the least suspicious place to develop residency once everything had blown over. Plus, the place has a cool music scene!
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