The Top 100 Songs of 2003

The Top 200 Songs of 2003 + The Decoy Project
Part 1  A Very Strange Visitor
Part 2  Ladies & Gentlemen... The Poodle
Part 3  Sofa Kingdom
Part 4  The Plan
Part 5  The Decoy Project I
Part 6  The Trial
Part 7  Prison
Part 8  The Decoy Project II

Part V: The Decoy Project I

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

100. M83
"Unrecorded" 4:12
Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts
Antibes, France

It turned out to be a really nice day. In fact, it was a marvelous day. Walter and Charlie rode around in the elegant luxuries of the armored truck, checking out hot babes in passing cars, stuck in traffic, all the while eating gourmet cinnamon rolls. All of the other commuters appeared as they do every single other day…people gabbing on their phones while driving poorly, a couple miserable pricks here and there driving too slow in the fast lane, and the city bus was full of people not speaking to each other—praying any person would come sit by one of them and strike up a conversation.

99. Guided By Voices
"My Kind Of Soldier" 2:37
Earthquake Glue
Dayton, OH

Rovanious walked down the street, smiling cheerfully at other pedestrians passing by, and carrying two bags filled with shredded paper. “That’s one hell of a good man,” people thought, “cares about recycling! This is important. One day, he’ll be awarded the Nobel Prize.” Things could not have been better for Rovanious. He walked down the sidewalk to the rear entrance of the bank and patiently awaited his moment.

98. Supergrass
"Grace" 2:30
Life On Other Planets
Oxford, England

Satchmo rolled into the back parking of the bank. He spotted Rovanious, leaned out the window and waved to him. Rovanious smiled and waved back. Satchmo waved again. Rovanious laughed out loud and waved back. For several minutes, the two middle-aged men smiled and waved at each other—without saying a word. Kyle came out for a cigarette, and he too happily joined in with the waving festivities. He banged on Ruth’s window, startled her, and then waved to her.

97. Camera Obscura
"Before You Cry" 2:57
Underachievers Please Try Harder
Glasgow, Scotland

Walter and Charlie pulled into the back lot. Just before he began backing the truck up to the door, Walter leaned out the window and waved merrily to Kyle. Kyle waved back to him. Charlie leaned out, smiling and giggling, he waved too. And they all waved happily to each other, even Ruth, who was now standing at the window waving to everyone.

96. M. Ward
"Vincent O'Brien" 2:38
Transfiguration of Vincent
Newbury Park, CA/Portland, OR

The back gate of the armored truck was opened and Charlie was standing in the back of the vehicle, gun drawn. Walter was standing outside of the truck and grabbed the two bags of money. Charlie stood up in the back of the truck, and waved happily to Ruth in the window…”Hi Ruth,” he said out loud, “with your fine ass,” he said quietly.

95. ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
"All St. Day" 3:53
The Secret of Elena's Tomb
Austin, TX

On cue with “Hi Ruth,” Walter leaned inside to grab the clipboard. During this moment, while Charlie was seen on camera waving at Ruth, Rovanious walked by, dropped the two identical looking bags of shredded paper, and hoisted the two bags of money and casually walked off. Looking exactly how he always does, Walter grabbed the two bags of shredded paper and entered the bank.

94. The Blood Brothers
"The Salesman, Dever Max" 4:32
...Burn, Piano Island, Burn
Redmond, WA

Monica was dressed in athletic gear, tights, and a shoulder holster with a machine gun inside. She stood in front of the mirror practicing drawing the weapon from the holster with swiftness and agility. Within a few rehearsals, she was able to whip the gun out with one hand in a matter of seconds. Then, she held the gun outstretched and pretended to be shooting down various people on the streets.

93. Constantines
"On to You" 4:36
Shine a Light
Toronto, ON, Canada

Rovanious opened up the trunk, tossed the two bags of cash inside, and then hopped into the passenger seat. He was still laughing, “Hi Satchmo,” still waving at his good friend. “Hi Rovanious.” The car was put into reverse, Satchmo backed out of his space, and pulled out of the parking lot. It was the exact same fashion in which thousands of others had been doing all week.

92. Beehive and the Barracudas
"Black Dove" 2:44
In Dark Love
San Diego, CA

Jake and Monica walked down the street headed towards the bank. To the average person, it appeared as if two nurses from the local clinic were having lunch because they were both wearing scrubs. However, they walked with a strut; perhaps carrying loaded machine guns will do that to a person. They were both wearing sunglasses, and completely ignoring the rest of the world as they walked passed them.

91. Mink Lungs
"Black Balloon" 3:22
I'll Take It
New York, NY

Clovis Hines looked over at Spartacus, what a sorry sack of shit he still was. Although he was armed with a loaded weapon, he still looked like a blundering retard with his foolish grin and helmet. The Poodle chilled out calmly in the backseat, only occasionally peaking out the window or holding his head out. Clovis actually had to escort Spartacus to the lobby, place The Poodle in his arms, and give him last minute instructions.

90. Soledad Brothers
"Teenage Heart Attack" 3:47
Maumee, OH

It was a great day for the Charleston’s. Neither of them were even 21 years old, already had four kids, and a combined income of $14,000 a year. Also, they were receiving food stamps, and Scott Charleston had only been employed at his current position for less than two weeks. Assuming this would be a sure way to get fired; Ruth accidentally dialed their number by mistake and approved them for a loan of up to $600,000 for a new home. The Alexander’s, who had perfect credit, were rudely denied.

89. Goldcard
"Untitled" 1:12
Portland, OR

Spartacus rode the escalator to the bank’s lobby which is on the second floor. As he was riding upstairs, The Poodle was wriggling around in his arms trying to free himself. The Poodle was so annoyed with Spartacus that he even barked at him and tried to bite him. Spartacus kept his foolish smile.

88. Neil Michael Hagerty
"Watching the Sands" 2:24
Chicago, IL

Kyle signed for the package, shot the breeze with Walter and then threw the bags into the vault. Everything else seemed normal, customers making transactions, filling out slips, kids taking more lollipops than necessary, and people complaining to Kyle about their fees. Kyle and Ruth were merely waiting for the moment to happen.

87. The Bloodthirsty Lovers
"Take the Time" 4:13
The Bloodthirsty Lovers
Memphis, TN

Edgar working security looked bored. He was not exactly living out his dream job. It was easy money though. All he had to do was sit by the door and make sure nobody entered with a gun. There were a couple minor altercations with irate customers who had become unruly—these worthless bastards are not permitted the right to get upset if the bank charges them $125 worth of fees over $1.83 worth of overdrafts that was not even the customer’s fault—the lady at Subway had mistakenly run the card twice. They are to take their ass raping with a friendly smile, or else Edgar would take action. For the most part, Edgar didn’t have to do shit…and didn’t. You could argue that Edgar was lazy.

86. The Minus 5
"The Town That Lost Its Groove Supply" 2:35
Down With Wilco
Seattle, WA

There had been no reports whatsoever to the police about any theft of 34 million dollars. Rovanious and Satchmo had been home for nearly an hour. They had enough time to divide the money into the 20 different carryon packages, wallets, an enormous stash in the bottom of the pet carrier being used to transport The Poodle, vacuum cleaner bags, filters, and other devices of concealment so it would clear x-ray for security. Also, a few of the packages were to be mailed to the address Ruth had already established and they had divided that money as well.

85. To My Surprise
"In the Mood" 3:32
To My Surprise
Des Moines, IA

The moment he reached the top of the escalator, The Poodle barked, bit Spartacus, broke loose, and took off running into the bank. Spartacus, looking and laughing like a complete imbecile, rushed inside chasing after him. While chasing The Poodle, Spartacus slipped and fell, then proceeded to make all sorts of noise. The customers stopped what they were doing and watched the charade. Many of them knelt down and attempted to get The Poodle to come to them…by making kissy noises and saying “come.” One guy got angry and tried to kick The Poodle.

84. The Blam
"I Don't Care About Nobody Else" 2:04
The Blam
New York, NY

Kyle left his seat looking like a genuine prick. “Get that fucking dog out of here,” he ordered to Edgar. “It’s just a matter of time before that stupid thing shits all over the floor. And you know that fucking retard is not going to clean any of it up.” Edgar looked annoyed because he was actually being asked to do some work. He went chasing after The Poodle. As planned, Ruth and one of the tellers also offered assistance.

83. Miracle Of 86
"Nice Shirt, Salvador Dali" 2:01
Every Famous Last Word
Staten Island, NY

While everybody else was trying to be friendly and gently entice The Poodle into their grasp, Edgar did no such thing. He swatted at him, cussed at him, and finally jerked him by the collar causing The Poodle to yelp. Once he had The Poodle fully detained, he turned to give him Spartacus, “here’s your fucking dog, now get out…” Surprisingly, Spartacus, still smiling his stupid grin, had a loaded gun aimed at Edgar. Edgar put his hands up and dropped the dog.

82. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
"Ha Ha High Babe" 4:13
Take Them On, On Your Own
San Francisco, CA

Jake and Monica entered wearing nurse’s gear, scary Halloween masks, and had their weapons out. “Everybody get down.” Monica raced around, got everybody down, making sure she went to Ruth first before she could re-enter the office. Kyle pretended to sound the alarm, but also agreed to fully cooperate. Jake aimed the gun right in his best friend’s face and told him to empty the vault. Kyle put up his hands, and escorted him to the back, asking that they do not harm the customers. Kyle also appeared very afraid.

81. The Children's Hour
"The Lumberjack Song" 4:07
Chicago, IL

While everybody was down on the ground, The Poodle pranced around and sniffed people’s faces. Even with The Poodle’s presence, they feared for their lives as their adrenaline was rushing. They would peak up and see a slightly retarded person holding a gun, some other person in a frightening mask with a major rifle, and this dog. The customers could not wait for this to be over, and it seemed as if it were taking forever. When The Poodle licked their faces, a couple of them did giggle, but one guy hit him with a rolled up magazine.

80. Death in Vegas
"Killing Smile" 4:49
Scorpio Rising
London, England

Spartacus had an enormous smile, and he soon could no longer control his excitement. He began swaying back and forth as his smile grew larger, then he let out his trademark Bill Cosby sounding “dahhhh!” For no reason at all, he shot Edgar right in the head—dropped him dead. Still smiling, still happily excited, he started shooting everybody in the bank, dropping one lady carrying a car seat holding a baby—the child carrier flew into the air and landed upside-down, splattering with a massive amount of obvious fake blood. On the wall of the bank, was a sketch drawing of a smiling Chinese Man sitting at a table, steak dinner on a plate, he holding his silverware still wrapped in the napkin firmly in his hand, and a bib wrapped around him.

79. Whirlwind Heat
"Tan" 3:22
Do Rabbits Wonder
Grand Rapids, MI

Jake and Kyle heard the gunshots right at the moment they were returning with the bags of shredded paper. Monica reacted quickly, but too late. She slammed her gun across Spartacus’ arms and knocked the gun out of his hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Panic ensued in the bank with all involved. Jake ran out, grabbed Spartacus and his gun, yanked him by the collar, and dashed out of the bank. Rather than walk out calmly, they had no choice but to run out of the lobby. Since there were shots fired, the customers called 911 on their cell phones the moment they left.

78. Aerogramme
"In Gratitude" 4:53
Sleep And Release
Glasgow, Scotland

As they were hastily making their way down the escalator, they were gripped with the fear that in a split second, all had gone wrong. As planned, they did ditch the masks and costumes in the lobby. There was still a slight chance that all could go as planned, they just could not look suspicious on the street. They were in a mess, and they needed to quickly figure out a way to get out of this mess. The big dreams and ambitions they once had were slowly fading; it was as if they were destined to be miserable for life.

77. British Sea Power
"Lately" 13:59
Decline of British Sea Power
Brighton, England

Outside, Spartacus was to take a left and get into Clovis Hines’ vehicle with The Poodle and the guns. Jake and Monica were to go right with the bags of shredded paper. Also, there was hope for there to be enough time to conceal the guns into the bag which were to be casually placed into the trunk—without any threat of police. They weren’t even outside for a full minute when suddenly the police had the place surrounded. Clovis Hines had no choice but to take off and leave them.

The police got of their cars and immediately shot at them. The group took cover behind a street vendor cart and Monica actually shot back at them. After each side took turns firing a few shots, the police ordered over a megaphone: “we have you surrounded. Drop your weapons and come out with your hands up.”

76. Acid Mothers Temple
"Diamond Doggy Peggy" 15:09
Magical Powers From Mars Vol. 2
Nagoya, Japan

They thought for a moment. Monica was prepared to shoot her way out, but Jake talked her out of it. “Don’t worry, we’ll get out of this,” he told her.

“How the fuck is that going to happen?”

Jake yelled out to the police, “ok, we’re coming out, but don’t shoot!”

There were a few heated exchanges back and forth negotiating the terms of surrender. During all of this, Jake removed his lighter and lit the bags of shredded paper on fire.

“What the fuck are you doing? We could have said all we stole was the recycling and they would have lowered our sentence. We could have said we were…whatever.”

“Listen,” Jake told them the new story, “the bank is missing 34 million dollars, and that 34 million dollars is at home. You don’t think they’re going to come looking for it? Here’s the deal, we weren’t intending to rob this bank… but rather, it was a protest against capitalism. We’ll say that we took the money with intentions on burning it, and that’s exactly what we are doing. This way, they will assume the 34 million dollars burnt up in a blaze. Our cut is about 6 million dollars—we can still enjoy it when we get out of the slammer.”

“Fuck that,” Monica insisted as she tossed her weapon off to the side where the police could see it—they were still sitting with their backs against the vendor carts facing two bags of burning paper, “for 6 million dollars, I’m sure there’s some way to bust out of prison with that kind of money at our disposal.”

Covers by http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_978xsKsqW9U/S_Pqgdx2c4I/AAAAAAAABMQ/A4Ta6Q-vm6Q/s1600/Halloween-Mask-Wallpaper.jpg


  1. That 'retard' image is offensive - you lose credibility big-time by showing such cheap humour shots.

    1. The image is supposed to be grotesquely offensive as a means to bait certain readers or to create certain mindsets for an ending with a twist. I might suggest reading to the end in its' entirety to know exactly how the role of the "retard" officially unfolds before making any sort of determination on credibility.


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