The Top 100 Songs of 1976

The Top 150 Songs of 1976 + The Wicked Wizard of Oz
Part 1 of 6: Dexter the Good Douche Can Save Oz (Tracks 150-126)
Part 2 of 6: Fuck Yea! Dorothy's Back (Tracks 125-101)
Part 3 of 6: The Yellow Brick Path to Love (Tracks 100-76)
Part 4 of 6: Wild Nights in The Land of Oz (Tracks 75-51)
Part 5 of 6: The Oz Revolution (Tracks 50-26)
Part 6 of 6: Presenting...The World's First Ever Left Wing Society (25-#1)

Part III: The Yellow Brick Path to Love

Press play on the image below to listen to all of the songs while you read.

100. David Bowie
"Golden Years"  4:02
Station To Station
London, England

Christina wasn’t sure if this trip to Oz was actually happening or just that, a trip, some sort of an acid trip from all of the drugs she had brought along with her. She could not believe that she was walking down a yellow brick road with some white bitch named Dorothy, from Kansas, 1943 at that. The way Dorothy looked and talked was beyond peculiar to her. Most of the things that were a part of Christina’s ordinary life had not even been invented yet according to Dorothy. She wasn’t sure if these things seriously did not exist or if Dorothy was just some naïve farm girl. Let’s face it, thought Christina, there’s not shit happening still in Kansas. To be honest, she found Dorothy slightly annoying, but something about her was kind of cute.

99. Daryl Hall & John Oates
"Rich Girl"  2:26
Bigger Than the Both of Us
Philadelphia, PA

Dorothy was absolutely fascinated with Christina. The way she talked, the way she dressed, the way she conducted her business was unlike anything Dorothy had ever seen. During her first voyage down the yellow brick road, she was the center of attention, the leader, and talk of the entire Land of Oz. This time around, however, she followed the lead of Christina. The entire way, Dorothy would not stop asking questions. She started to sing a song, but Christina bitch slapped her and told her to shut the fuck right up.

98. Can
"I Want More"  3:38
Flow Motion
Köln, Germany

There were questions that needed to be answered though. Finally, Christina stopped, outraged: “what the fuck is this place!”

Dorothy was stunned by such language, and spoke with her 1943 white girl dialect, “well, I don’t know. This is the land of Oz, this is the yellow brick road, and we are off to see the Wizard to fix that transporter device of yours. And, I am here to win back my true love.”

“Your true love lives here?”

“Yes. He is a scarecrow.”

“You came all the way here, from mother fucking Kansas, to get it on with a fucking scarecrow? You are one fucked up white bitch, that’s for sure.”

97. Al Green
"Always"  3:17
Full of Fire
Forrest City, AR/Millington, TN

Although Christina did not ask for a narrative, Dorothy went ahead and told her all about her last voyage down the yellow brick road. She spoke of The Scarecrow, The Tin Man, The Cowardly Lion, a wicked witch, and how she and The Scarecrow nearly got it on in the Emerald Palace. Even to this day, she had still never had sex before. The fact she was a virgin intrigued Christina, who still seemed to be in a hurry to go nowhere. Finally, Dorothy stopped her and explained that the Land of Oz is not affiliated with San Francisco from the time period she came from, and that she has no worries and should just enjoy herself. Dorothy reminded her that ever since she left Oz, she had been miserable and one day even got stuck unloading bales of hay at the farm. The two of them sat down, relaxed, Christina got stoned, and Dorothy intimately comforted her to be calmer in the Land of Oz.

96. Gordon Lightfoot
"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"  6:32
Summertime Dream
Toronto, ON, Canada

Christina’s story was somewhat of a sad one. She did not have an Auntie Em, and her uncle died the previous year in a ship that sank in the great lakes. Her last boyfriend was a prick, and her parents were, as she put it, assholes. It took a great deal of explaining, but that transporter device was actually a Dodge Dart, and somewhat considered a cheap piece of shit in her world. Dorothy listened attentively to the stories about disco clubs, the night life in the city, drugs, and sexual freedom. And for the first time ever, Dorothy experimented with dope; the results were intriguing to say the least. Christina did not allow Dorothy to smoke too much, and once they rested, made plans, and got good and stoned, they happily strolled down the yellow brick road holding hands.

95. Wild Cherry
"Play That Funky Music"  3:11
Wild Cherry
Pittsburgh, PA

The object of Dorothy’s sexual lust was just up ahead, walking along proudly with Douchy Dexter and Drunken Daisy. They were prancing along gracefully when Cutty and his entourage showed up creating a blockade across the yellow brick road. “You cats got style, but not much style yet.” Cutty waved his magic cane and transformed all three of their shoes into dancing platform shoes. Some rabbit wearing a headband jumped up from the side of the road playing a riff on the guitar as the Dickless Scarecrow busted loose with a “heyyy! Do it now!” More fucking rabbits and a bunch of random people showed up again playing music as The Dickless Scarecrow continued to sing the song, and Douchy Dexter did a dance routine that made every person who had ever been on Soul Train totally jealous. Cutty stood there and smiled, bobbing his head, while the animals from the forest chimed in with the background vocals and the rabbit played a scorching guitar solo. Drunken Daisy had some moves of her own. Cutty was proud.

94. Steely Dan
"Don't Take Me Alive"  4:15
The Royal Scam
Los Angeles, CA

Bright lights flashed and the sirens sounded as the police, led by Zinquist put an abrupt halt to the charade taking place in the streets. Most of the animals and forest creatures fled. Douchy Dexter and Drunken Daisy obeyed the commands to freeze. The Dickless Scarecrow appeared annoyed and prepared for confrontation. Cutty and his crew all drew guns at once and engaged in a militant standoff with Zinquist and the police. Zinquist attempted to tell the people they were in violation of a new ordinance that prohibited this sort of behavior on the yellow brick road. “Shut the fuck up and get back in your car,” Cutty ordered Zinquist. The police interrogated The Scarecrow and attempted to throw him up against the car. The Scarecrow resisted as Cutty and his crew all cocked their assault rifles, aimed them at the heads of the police and demanded they step the fuck back. All members of the police squad drew their weapons and aimed them at Cutty’s crew as the standoff intensified.

93. Funkadelic
"Smokey"  6:10
Hardcore Jollies
Detroit, MI

Finally, Cutty warned all of them that Elphaba had a plot developed to rid these turkeys from the Land of Oz. Zinquist threatened that Elphaba’s days were numbered and he too had a plan that would undermine all of her powers. “We’ll see about that.” The police continued to talk shit about Elphaba as they gradually made their way back into the police cruisers. They also warned the group that Elphaba now had a $20,000 reward for her and she was now Oz’s #1 Most Wanted, it would be just a matter of time before one of her supporters finally turned her in and this revolt would be finished. “Like I said,” Cutty had the coolest baritone voice in Oz, “we’ll see how this plays out…fucking pig.” Cutty waved his magic cane and transformed Zinquist’s gun into a pig dressed in a pimp outfit. It was apparently heavy, too heavy for Zinquist as he dropped the pig and it ran off into the forest. Cutty’s crew laughed out loud mocking the police. Zinquist and crew returned to their vehicles and sped away from the scene.

92. Magma
"Tröller Tanz (Ghost Dance)"  3:46
Üdü Ẁüdü
Paris, France

Elphaba, in character as the Wicked Witch of the West, flew through the air circling Dorothy and her new friend Christina. “What the fuck are you doing back here? I thought your little white ass went back to Kansas?”

“Why, I thought you were dead.”

“Nah bitch, I faked that death.” Elphaba was prepared to cast a spell on Dorothy when she was alerted by Cutty of trouble from Zinquist. This bitch Dorothy had to hold for a few moments, “I’ll get you, my pretty,” she declared as disappeared amidst an array of smoke.

The flying monkeys were unleashed to wreak terror upon Zinquist’s motorcade. From the sky, the monkeys attacked the squad cars, dropped explosive bananas onto their windshields, and within minutes, the entire motorcade had crashed.

91. Aerosmith
"Nobody's Fault"  4:24
Boston, MA

At the sound of the cars crashing, Cutty and his crew abandoned Douchy Dexter and gang and ran towards where the crash had occurred. They arrived at the same time the flying monkeys had landed and Elphaba emerged into the mix. The flying monkeys and Cutty’s entourage had busted out all of the windows of the police cars and apprehended all of the other police. Zinquist had locked his doors and was attempting to restart his vehicle. Elphaba unleashed her rage as well, as she exploded the doors off of his car and yanked him out of the vehicle and threw him onto the ground. She proceeded to beat Zinquist senselessly with her broomstick. When the other members of the police attempted to assist Zinquist, they were kicked down to the ground by Cutty’s crew or attacked from above by the viciousness of the flying monkeys.

90. Scorpions
"Polar Nights"  5:08
Virgin Killer
Hannover, Germany

There was a strange turn of events. Christina had declared that Dorothy should not have to take any shit whatsoever from this green bitch. It turned out, Christina also had a handgun in her briefcase, and taking Dorothy by the hand, ran with her to go settle this score once and for all. However, en route to confront Elphaba, the two were nearly run over by a mob of police cars who also shouted obscenities at them. Due to the policies of the land in which Christina came from, the one thing she despises more than green bitches slapping around her friends is constant harassment by the police. In fact, one of the police cars did graze the side of Dorothy. When the two arrived on the scene, there was a shootout taking place between the police who had nearly killed Dorothy and some other people she could not see. Immediately, Christina went in firing rounds at the police, busting out a few windows. Elphaba spotted Christina shooting her gun towards the police, raised her arms, and with an enormous explosion, all the police had disappeared. Christina and Elphaba stood gazing at each other, Dorothy standing close to Christina, while Cutty and his crew stood beside Elphaba.

89. Steve Reid
"Sixth House"  8:14
New York, NY (1944-2010)

Elphaba snapped her fingers, waved her hands, and within seconds she had possession of Christina’s gun and simply tossed it to the ground. “Thank you,” she said to Christina in her natural voice with a pleasant smile. There was a moment of awkwardness as Elphaba stared down the two girls from two vastly different regions of society. “I see you’re not wearing any shoes,” she said to Dorothy. “Cutty, get some shoes on the white bitch.” Cutty walked over, and Elphaba stopped him. “You know what, fuck it.” Elphaba created shoes for Dorothy, an authentic pair of ruby heels, though not identical to the one’s worn by her sister. “How does that suit you?”

There was obviously some explaining to do. Elphaba pondered her past wish and utilized this as an opportunity to finally tell her side of the story, and she told the whole spiel. Also, she listened to these two white girl’s stories as well. Turns out, it was all a big misunderstanding. Dorothy was not sure what to think. Christina and Elphaba, however, had a lot in common as far as political views were concerned. But, there were some lingering problems that needed corrected. Elphaba said she would give Christina her gun back momentarily. But in the meantime, the flying monkey heaved up Christina and Dorothy and flew back to her house. Cutty and his crew took off down the yellow brick road.

88. The Brothers Johnson
"Tomorrow"  3:01
Look Out for #1
Los Angeles, CA

Surprisingly, Elphaba beat the flying monkeys transporting the two women back to her house. It was never a good idea to race Elphaba anywhere. Christina was led into a laboratory containing potions and other devices used for magic. Elphaba had gone through her briefcase. The money she could keep. A small portion of the drugs she could continue to use in moderation for recreational purposes. However, an American woman with a college degree need not be under the influence of cocaine if she is to join forces with Elphaba and participate in a revolution against a corrupt dictatorship—especially with her intellect. With the spell of a magic potion, Christina became Ass Kicker Christina, maintaining her edge, along with her wisdom from both school and the streets. At this moment precisely, Christina was now the second baddest chick in Oz. As for Dorothy, well, she ranked as the 59,387th baddest chick in Oz and that even included the munchkin population.

87. Otis Rush
"Rainy Night In Georgia"  4:03
Right Place, Wrong Time
Philadelphia, MS (AKA- The Other Philadelphia)

Only Elphaba knew all of the details behind the creation of The Scarecrow. It was, in fact, somewhat of a mannequin of her true love, Fiyero. Knowing that The Scarecrow, who was initially based from Fiyero, made out with Dorothy was rather disturbing. The image of the two of them sharing intimate pleasures actually grossed her out. But whatever, she supposed that is their right. For some reason though, she did not see it as a perfect match. The poor girl came all the way back here just to get it on with The Scarecrow; she’s going to be disappointed when she discovers he does not have a dick. And here she is now, in her living room, pouting, insisting that she is in love with The Scarecrow. Elphaba would have to see how this unfolded and vowed not to intervene; “Fuck it, it’s none of my business.”

86. Mahogany Rush
"IV...(The Emperor)"  7:19
Montreal, QC, Canada

New plan: Dorothy had already won the approval of the people in the Land of Oz. Now, Elphaba had won the approval of Dorothy…finally. Christina was to accompany Dorothy to see the Wizard. Once inside, being as it was Dorothy who exposed the Wizard as a fraud anyway, Christina was to disarm the Wizard’s army and force him to resign from office. After this, Elphaba, along with Cutty and the entourage, were to ambush the Emerald Palace, exterminate the governing officials, and burn the ruling documents. A new regime would be put into place, one that consists of equality, fairness, and power to the people. The system of currency would be dissolved, Lunchkit and the banks would no longer have the authority to corrupt, society shall no longer be ruled by religion or fear, the prison system would be re-evaluated, and health care and education benefits would be free to all of those who desire it. With this new system, advancement of society would be limitless.

85. Stonewall
"Outer Spaced"  3:30
New York

Although the government made several attempts to stop them, the belligerent police force was no match for Christina. She was triumphant in every altercation she faced. In just a short time, she had shot out police car windows, blew out tires and sent them flipping off the yellow brick road, utilized the martial arts that Elphaba had equipped her with, roundhouse kicking one officer and knocking his head off completely. She had seriously fast and dangerous hands, could land 27 punches in a mere few seconds, and had a faster draw of a pistol than any person in the old west. Dorothy, with her dress torn and face scratched, clutched at Christina’s side as she protected her from all dangers.

84. Herbie Hancock
"People Music"  7:09
Chicago, IL/Los Angeles, CA

Although Dexter was a total douche, he was extremely disappointed that these Americanized disputes of finances were taking place in the Land of Oz. Furthermore, he became outraged with the injustice based on social inequalities and personal differences existed in a place as fascinating as the Land of Oz. He asked the intellectual well-educated Dickless Scarecrow how aspects so detrimental to cultural acceptance could ever occur in a near paradise setting such as Oz. The Dickless Scarecrow explained to Douchy Dexter that most of the population does not support the tyranny of the government, and it only exists because the original creator was a person who potentially supported genocide and the total annihilation of an entire race of people. As with the circumstances of the world in which Douchy Dexter originated, most of the regular people here bore no resemblance to the politicians. The Scarecrow utilized a video monitor to display numerous examples of citizens from both lands, serene settings, coupled with genuine pricks who held positions within the government.

83. Jeff Beck
"Goodbye Pork Pie Hat"  5:30
Wallington, England

Up in the distance, the rabbit wearing the headband was standing on the side of the road playing his guitar with his band. The Dickless Scarecrow, Douchy Dexter, and Drunken Daisy all stopped to watch the rabbit play guitar. His chords were flawless as he benevolently moved his fingers up and down the fret board, bending the strings, playing with raw emotion. In the grand scheme of things, having immense music knowledge, particularly the ability to masterfully play an instrument trumps having a huge cock or lots of wealth. That said, for five and a half minutes, Daisy completely forgot about Poignant Pete and developed a fondness for this guitar slinging rabbit.

82. Waylon Jennings
"Them Old Love Songs"  3:14
Are You Ready For The Country
Littlefield, TX (1937)- Chandler, AZ (2002)

After the song, the group applauded an asked the rabbit how he learned to play guitar so well. Come to find out, he is from the same land as Dexter and Dorothy, and had participated in a daring revolt against the zoo back in 1966. The escape was a success, but it in turn led him to Oz rather than back in his home. Perhaps it was for the best because the love of his life was, sadly, eaten by a fox. Since that time, he had become heartbroken, and channels his sorrow through his music. Now, he has that longing again for true love, but fears that it may be too late, or it may be difficult to replace his past love. The rabbit, named Popco, swapped his electric guitar for an acoustic, and sang a song that reflected his true feelings about longing for a new love. This gave Drunken Daisy hope, although she wasn’t sure how she could ever fuck a rabbit.

81. Deaf School
"Bigger Splash"  3:32
Second Honeymoon
Liverpool, England

At first, the group felt sorry for Popco the rabbit. They attempted to comfort him by giving him hugs and all that shit. But, each member of the group also were seeking true love of their own. The group lifted him up off the park bench and sang him a song to help cheer him up. More animals showed up, one of them blowing a saxophone. The tune the group sang for Popco, with all three of them having singing verses, was both melancholic and uplifting. By the finale, Popco had joined elbows and was strutting down the yellow brick road with the others.

80. Tom Zé
"Mãe (Mãe Solteira)"  3:44
Estudando o Samba
São Paulo, Brazil

Unfortunately, Popco had to speak of another civil rights violation taking place in the Land of Oz. It appeared, for mind you Popco came from the outside world, that animals in the Land of Oz were once able to speak clearly and hold positions of prominent importance. But, the racist pieces of shits that despicable creeps such as Zinquist were, the rights of the animals were “totally annihilated.” All animals were removed from their positions, and exiled onto reservations where they were no longer permitted to speak. The Scarecrow confirmed this story, but assured Popco that they had an ally in Elphaba, a woman with extreme intellect and an equal rights advocate. However, she too was being oppressed on the notion that she was green; and because she supported unprecedented equality, she was deemed a Communist by the right-wing radicals currently in office. Popco was unsure what right-wing radical meant, and The Dickless Scarecrow used Hitler, Ronald Raegan, and J. Edgar Hoover as examples. The group was curious as to why right-wing radicals were permitted to hold powerful positions and left-wing “radicals” were deemed a threat and often arrested or persecuted.

79. Al Stewart
"Year Of The Cat"  6:39
Year Of The Cat
Greenock, Scotland

Throughout the history of civilization, whether it is in Oz or in Babylon, a true left wing government has never been permitted to operate comfortably. Since the existence of the United States, even moderate left leaning governments have come under much scrutiny, with many of them being bombed or destroyed within the first few months. There has never been a “radical” left-wing government—ever. Being as one necessary trait that defines left-wing “radical” would be anti-imperialist, it would only be befitting should the Land of Oz become the first ever left-wing regime. Of course, the leader of the left-wing movement has already been dubbed as “Wicked” by the conservatives and the conformists, even though what occurs in the wonderful Land of Oz is, in actuality, none of their business. This year, however, all of that was about to change. The oppressed: the animals, the artistic, the different, the working class, the intellectuals, the scarecrows, the punks, freaks, and fairies…they all had had enough of the right-wing rule. It was time to take their lives back. In the grand scheme of things: 98.3% of the population would benefit greatly from this; 1.2% would be unchanged, .5% would suffer slightly (which means they would have to mow the yards of their mansions their damn selves… lazy upper one percent pricks).

78. Major Arcana
"Shake Me"  3:33
Major Arcana
Milwaukee, WI

Lying in the middle of the yellow brick road was the rusted Tin Man. He had a major dent now in his abdomen after being drop kicked by some asshole en route to the yellow brick road. He felt so betrayed, especially by that prick The Scarecrow. They had been friends, but truth be known, The Scarecrow did not actually see the incident; he was off doing chin-ups on a tree branch out in the distance. As he lied there rusted, unable to move, he was, at least, able to sing; and sing a sad song while the animals gathered around playing flutes, acoustic guitars, and other classical instruments.

77. Truth and Janey
"Remember A Child"  9:04
No Rest For The Wicked
Cedar Rock, IA

A member of Cutty’s entourage spotted the tin man lying in the road. “Ah look at that, this nigger’s all rusted again.” He knelt down, opened up the tin man’s compartment and generously oiled all of the tin man’s joints. Unfortunately, this guy was walking with Poignant Pete whose only sexual experience came at the expense of the tin man while he was rusted. The moment The Tin Man was able to move, he jumped up, raced over to Poignant Pete, and buried his axe into Pete’s face, dropping him dead into a puddle of blood on the yellow brick road. The others stood around wondering what in the hell this was all about. “This mother fucker anal raped me a while back."

This is the Land of Oz, and strange shit happens frequently here. Poignant Pete rose from the ground with blood dripping from his face. The Tin Man struck the axe again, this time into the top of his head as blood splattered all over the yellow brick road. However, The Tin Man could not remove the axe so easily from the top of his head. With an axe stuck in his head, Poignant Pete attempted to run away from The Tin Man. However, The Tin Man chased after him, caught him, pulled the axe from his head, knocked him back down to the ground, and proceeded to chop him repeatedly in an act of absolute fury.

The entourage was finally able to stop The Tin Man. “Hey, man, you have to find it in your heart to forgive this nigger. Now come on now, this ain’t any way to be. I’m sure it was a long time ago.”

Poignant Pete stood back up, covered in blood, hacked up to bits, and extended his hand. “Mr. Tin Man, I am truly sorry. I had no idea that you were a real life person. Had I have known, I wouldn’t have inserted my cock into rusted anal cavity. Please forgive me, I owe you a great deal of gratitude, and if you forgive me, I will repay you with 100 favors…whatever you ask.”

The tin man still looked angry at first, but then smiled, “oh, all right.” He shook Poignant Pete’s bloody hand, and the two of them smiled and hugged. After the hug, The Tin Man’s body was now covered in blood also. The group looked down and saw all the blood, and all of them shared a laugh together as a result. Good times!

76. Rush
"2112"  20:38
Willowdale, ON, Canada

Christina had single handedly nearly dismantled the entire police force. Dorothy remained by her side, and Christina protected her from all dangers that were now imminent. The two even had to embark on some heroic adventures such as swinging from a vine across a swamp; Christina gracefully operated the vine, Dorothy held on to Christina’s waist. Christina had become the action hero with Dorothy the starlet damsel in distress. It should also be known, that with each encounter of danger, Dorothy’s garments gradually become more ripped, revealing even more of her silky smooth skin, that just so happens to always be brushing up against Christina’s rock solid buff perfectly structured body.

With sheer force and pristine strategy, the two heroes had made their way into the Emerald City. They were met with hostility by the Emerald Soldiers. However, they were no match for Christina, who fought her way through all of them. By the time they reached the palace, most of the soldiers were dead or seriously wounded, Christina was completely unscathed, and Dorothy’s bra strap was now draping down her bare shoulder.

Once news of the revolution had spread, the people of the Emerald City had marched the streets to the Emerald Palace. Most of them were carrying signs of protest, chanting slogans, demanding that the Wizard of Oz get his fat white ass back in his hot air balloon and go back to wherever the fuck it was he came from.

There were also signs defacing the images of both Lunchkit and Zinquist. A full scale riot was taking place as the citizens of Oz were throwing stones through the windows of the Emerald Palace.

Off in the distance on one side, Zinquist was watching with binoculars developing a strategy to put a stop to this madness.

And inside a crystal ball, Elphaba was watching Zinquist, almost daring to try and intervene.

The entire palace was surrounded with mobs of people. Amidst the crowd in front of the palace was a man shouting on a megaphone. The message was loud and clear: “Attention all planets of the solar federation, we have assumed control.”

The rear of the building: “We have assumed control.” The east and west sides of the building also confirmed: “We have assumed control.”

NEXT>>> 75-51

Slippers photo from fanpop.com

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