Part 1: White People Just Be Wastin' Money at Christmas
Part 2: A Mail Order Bride Delivered Right to Your Door
Part 3: Give the Gift of Real Life Sex Dolls
Part 4: Holiday Retail Employees Strike
Part 5: This is Going to Be the Best Christmas Ev-errr!
Part 6: Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, and Them Other Christmas Niggaz
Part 7: Some Bullshit About $230
Part 8: New Year's Resolution: Fire Your Own Voice of Reason
Part VII: Some Bullshit About $230
Press play on the image below to follow the story with the soundtrack
50. British Sea Power
"Who's In Control" 3:15
Occasionally, during the busy holiday season, co-workers are freely able to converse personal matters. However, due to the fact that the season is so busy, time to discuss issues that may be troubling to certain individuals is limited. As a result, some people who work in places that are extremely busy ponder matters that may be of significant value to the person, but rarely get to openly discuss the situation in order to seek advice. This was a rare time in which one person was able to confide in anybody about a personal problem that he was unsure of how to resolve properly. That’s what co-workers are often for, this is a major reason people want to have a job—not necessarily the money.
"Fuck People" 1:12
First Four EPs
Los Angeles, CA
“How would you send $230 through the mail,” he finally came out and asked. There were three people present in the room. Himself, another guy, a girl…he considered both of them friends. It was the guy who heard him, who he actually spoke to—the girl was off in the distance somewhere. “Just put it in an envelope and mail it,” he acted as if that were a stupid question. “You would mail cash?” He looked at him as if he were totally stupid, “no, send a check you dumb mother fucker.”
48. Gypsy Treasures
"Four Horsemen" 6:23
San Francisco, CA
“I don’t have any checks.” “Then send a money order.”
“Then get some new checks.”
“I don’t want to, I’m not happy with my bank. Besides, that’s not the point. You know what I’m talking about, we’ve discussed this. So, I’m asking you again, if you were me, how would you deliver $230.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“Well, piss on you then.”
47. Sic Alps
"Eat Happy" 2:21
San Francisco, CA
The guy asked who the hell he was sending $230 to. “My ex-girlfriend.”
“Oh, that $230. You still haven’t mailed that shit?”
Obviously not. There was a discussion that he was going to send that off several months ago. Most thought it had already been done. “Just fucking send it to her.”
“And not deliver it by hand?”
“How far away is it?”
“Fuck that. Mail it.”
“What if it gets lost?”
46. David Kilgour & the Heavy Eights
"A Break in the Weather" 3:10
Left by Soft
Dunedin, New Zealand
There were some hints that there may be some underlying issues about mailing $230. To the others it seemed obvious that mailing $230 should not be a big deal. In fact, they were unsure as to why it was being brought up. The girl had heard the discussion, but had not been a part of it. He asked her, because he felt as if there might be a chance a woman would give some different advice. She knew the ex-girlfriend and the whole situation, the guy did not know all of the details. “How would you send my ex-girlfriend $230?”
“You’re actually going to pay her?”
“Yea, of course.”
She shrugged, “then mail it.”
45. The Oscillation
"Future Echo" 5:48
“So, you would mail her the money if this were you?”
“Yes, why not?”
“As opposed to delivering it yourself to her mailbox.”
“Isn’t it like three hours away?”
“Three hours is not that far.”
“It’s far enough. I’d mail it.”
Ben interjected, “just fucking mail it and be done with it.”
44. Dan Melchior
Chertsey, England/Durham, NC
“OK, here’s the deal. You ready for this? If I mail it, I will never see or hear from again. This $230 is my last attachment to her.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” Sarah asked.
“I don’t know.”
“I see,” she stopped working a paid more attention. “Now, I know why you are asking this.”
"Window Shopping" 3:58
Heavy Rocks 2011
If he mailed the $230, that was the end of it. He would never see the ex-girlfriend ever again, and as soon as he lost his phone, which he was prone to do about every 7-8 months, he would never hear from her again. But, if he delivered the $230 to her house, that would mean he would see her at least one more time. Both options had endless possibilities that could be both good and bad.
"Louder (Blast Your Radio Theme)" 3:22
Madlib Medicine Show: No. 11 - Low Budget High Fi Music
“Do you really want to see her again?” she asked.
“I thought you said she was psychotic.”
“She was. But, I am also a guy, which means I am prone to lie about how I really feel. Didn’t you notice that I wore sunglasses to work all day the day that she left.”
“I did notice that, and the lights seemed ok to me.”
“Way to put 2 and 2 together.”
41. Sonic Youth
"Au Cafe" 3:58
SYR 9: ‘Simon Werner a Disparu’
New York, NY
“You know,” she explained, “if its not meant to be, then its not meant to be. That’s been kind of a long time now. Seriously, the longer you let this linger on, the worse its going to be when you finally do have to let go for good. My advice, just send the $230 by mail and move on, and actually never seeing or hearing from her again is probably a good thing. This way, you can focus on what’s really important for your own future and be able to have a fresh start.”
40. Atlas Sound
"Modern Aquatic Nightsongs" 4:10
He wasn’t even positive he even wanted to get back together with her. Part of him was glad they had split up, but there was another side that had regrets about the whole thing, which now just seemed silly. There was a major portion of her that annoyed the crap out of him, that part he was glad to see go. But, there was also a major portion of her that he had fallen in love with, and that part he was struggling to live without. It was that part of her why he never bothered even looking for a new girlfriend, it was that part of her that he thought about daily, that part of her would probably be a major factor should he be able to print out his most perfect girlfriend on the computer. And, this part of her represented about 25% of her entire personality; he deemed it unfair to suggest that a new girlfriend should be one quarter exactly like his most previous ex-girlfriend. He struggled with the morality behind that too.
39. Manchester Orchestra
"Simple Math" 5:05
“When you two broke up, you acted like you were so happy to be rid of her.”
“I know, but that might have been a lie. I don’t know. I think I just needed a break from her. Jesus, when she was around, she took up all of my time, and it’s like my whole life revolved around her. Then, she was gone, and I was like, fuck yea, I’m finally free. But, all that time spent together, I suppose I kind of got used to some of it, and when it wasn’t there anymore, part of me felt lost I guess. Sometimes, I didn’t know what to do, because she was such a huge part of my daily routine. I’ve almost texted her a few times by accident just to tell her stupid shit, but then realized that I don’t have to do this anymore. Part of me is glad to be free, but that other part wishes… I don’t know, it fucked up my whole routine.”
38. Funeral Party
"Where Did It Go Wrong" 3:29
The Golden Age of Knowhere
Los Angeles, CA
“Again, it’s not like I want to get back together with her. Maybe I would just like to see her again.”
“Then go visit her.”
“That’s the other problem, I’m not sure how that would go either.”
Ben intervened, “I’ll tell you exactly how it would go: she’s fucking some other guy right now. You showing up would be a huge annoyance, she’d just take your $230 and the other dude she’s fucking would probably just kick your ass—or at least try to.”
To quote Clint Eastwood from the movie Gran Torino, “this is how men talk to each other.”
"You'll Live and Die by Those Little Dogs" 4:16
Neah Bay, WA
She is fucking some other guy. And, he’s a fucking loser.
“Do you even know him?”
This is how women talk to other men, by putting them in their place.
“For all you know, he is a nice guy.”
“I don’t know, I’ve seen pictures of him.”
“What makes you think that she wants to see you?” Ben asked.
“Yea,” Sarah asked calmly, “how does she feel about all this?”
“Have no clue, I haven’t talked to her.”
Ben laughed, “what a fucking loser.”
36. Paris Suit Yourself
My Main Shitstain
“But look at the bright side,” women are great for this, “look at all you’ve accomplished since she left. You should just focus on that and move on from there.”
“Yea, but I haven’t accomplished anything. Hell, look at me, I’m stuck working here with you two miserable pricks.”
When the feminist movement fought for equal rights in the workplace, this is probably not what they had in mind, but this is what it led to…most wouldn’t have it any other way. This is how co-workers talk to each other behind closed doors. Some call it true love. To the male’s defense, he did one time have to sit for over an hour, with this exact Sarah, and a few other women he works with, discussing tampons. He was referred to as “one of the girls.”
35. Fucked Up
"The Recursive Girl" 3:34
David Comes to Life
Toronto, ON Canada
“Here’s the deal, if I mail it, that’s that, it’s final, I never see her ass again. Plus, I don’t have any checks. Plus again, the shit could get lost in the mail and $230 is a lot of money to me, sorry, I’m a broke ass.
But if I take it, I at least know it gets there. And, I see her one more time. Who knows what that could lead to, but it might be worth a shot. You just never know.”
They both agreed about the getting lost part so they suggested either sending it certified mail, or just dropping it off in her mailbox without knocking even knocking on the door.
34. The Skull Defekts
"What Knives, What Birds" 6:29
Once upon a time, just before she left, she had suggested that maybe they would spend some time apart and realize they couldn’t live without each other. That was what she was hoping for, at the time. But, that was then. At the time she said it, he wanted nothing to do with that. But here it is several months later, he has realized that, and fears that she has moved on without him. It is three hours away, and that new boyfriend thing is a huge dilemma. Also, $200 of the $230 is owed to her father. Maybe he could just give it to him, and then inquire about her.
33. TV Ghost
"An Absurd Laceration" 5:35
There is an image that he cannot get out his head. One time they had broke-up before, but got back together. Prior to getting back together, they had reached some sort of an agreement, but wasn’t sure what step to take next. She simply smiled and said, “I don’t know,” smiled again, and waited for him to make the next move…which was to be somewhat obvious at this point. He was feeling this way now, it was him smiling, saying “I don’t know”, except she was nowhere around to hear these pleas. She was, as it was put so elegantly, off fucking some other dude.
"Shortwave Fields" 6:43
During the last break-up, which happened to occur over last Christmas, she was the one who made all of the attempts to reconcile. He never tried at all, and simply let her go. They stayed in contact for several months after that, remaining close friends, and even hinting at getting back together. But, he never one time made any move whatsoever to indicate they were going to be a couple again. After a prolonged wait, she finally deemed it over for good, and moved away—three hours away at that. He hasn’t seen her since. And, if he mails the $230, he won’t see her ever again.
"Baby Steps" 5:11
Dark Green Sea
Perhaps delivering the $230 by hand would finally be that one attempt he made to patch things over and possibly reconsider the relationship status. Or, at the very least, they could associate as friends. However, he is unsure if he could fully maintain his composure if he saw her. Nobody knows this, but some nights he sits alone in his room and cries because he misses her. Simply seeing her in person could be too emotional for him to even handle. Then if that happened, and the new boyfriend is exactly what Ben suggested, that could lead to disaster.
30. Real Estate
"All The Same" 7:22
As times grew more difficult, Santa sometimes had to resort to eating venison in order to survive. One night, he ducked down behind some bushes with his hunting rifle, saw the glowing red nose grazing on some grass, pulled the trigger, and that was the end of Rudolph. Santa claimed that because he had a red nose, the meat was more tender. He definitely tasted significantly better than DondorOr, there is the possibility that seeing her again would erase any doubts that he has had about the decision to let her go. Maybe, she would get on his nerves, just like she used to at times. Seeing her would be a total annoyance, and he would get back in the car and race home happy knowing that he no longer has to see her again. Nobody knows this, but some days, he still gets annoyed about shit she did over a year ago, and just thinking of her puts him in a bad mood. This might be the ideal situation.
29. Sun Araw
"Lute and Lyre" 7:02
Long Beach, CA
Worst case scenario: he shows up with the $230. She is completely annoying, and spends the entire time showing him pictures of her and her new boyfriend, talks non-stop about ridiculous topics he doesn’t care about, has changed into somebody else, and through all this, manages to get him drunk and talk him back into being in a relationship with her again. Not to mention she is pregnant with his baby, and he is totally psychotic and unwilling to obey the restraining order. Her being pregnant is a slight possibility at this point, that would be unsettling to say the least, but he would have no choice but to congratulate her and diminish any lingering connections completely.
Father, Son, Holy Ghost
San Francisco, CA
After discussing the matter further, it became clear that this in all likelihood could never work. She was gone, and there was no way she could move back to where he lived. Furthermore, he was not going to relocate to that town three hours away. This boyfriend thing was a major obstacle as well, and who knew how serious it was. For all anybody knew, they were now engaged and going to be married soon. Delivering the $230 would answer a lot of questions though. Up to now, the questions had been mere curiosity he had been trying to dismiss as none of his business. The $230 remained in a drawer.
“Yea,” Sarah finally said, “you need to just mail the $230 and be rid of her. I know it sounds difficult, but prolonging the pain is only going to make it worse when the reality of it fully sets in.”
“But, that is the most harsh of reality. As of now, there is at least that one ounce of hope. I don’t want to be asking what if. What if I did go there, and I confessed everything, how I really felt, my true feelings? What if I did all of that and things turned out great? If they do not, at least I put forth that last bit of effort, one time; because up to now, I had not applied any effort whatsoever.”
"Sleep Dealer" 3:10
“You should just be happy, look at the bright side,” that womanly advice again, “at least you don’t have to deal with all of her shit anymore. I mean, if she’s that age, and still that dependent and clingy, than that says a lot.”
“Ok, but what if I told you that some of things that I say, you know, the shit that you guys think is so funny, that I’m so amusing…what if I told you that some of those were her lines?”
“Like, this is going to be the best Christmas ev-errr!”
“That’s her line?”
“Yea, I stole it from her.”
Ben intervened again, “then I would suggest we fire you and hire her instead.”
“So, all you are is a rip-off of her?”
“No. She’s stolen way more lines from me than I have her, but it takes a lot for me to steal lines from anybody. I’d say I regularly use maybe 3 or 4 of hers. Not to mention other shit that still makes laugh periodically.”
“Just send the fucking money!”
“Look at the bright side, you can maybe get a new girlfriend that’s as funny as she is but not quite as dependent and won’t take up all of your time.”
“Yea, you’re not that bad.”
Ben laughed again, “I don’t know about that.”
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he wasn’t going to mail the $230 anytime soon.
26. The Sea and Cake
"Inn Keeping" 10:24
The Moonlight Butterfly
The bottom line: we say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays” to thousands of people every year. Only a select few we actually mean it. Our friends and our families are the obvious choices. But, we may hate our jobs, but for the most part, we love our co-workers, even if we have nothing in common. Running into former co-workers at various stores over the holidays may bring even more excitement than seeing Cousin Mary on Christmas Day.
NC-17 Soundtraxxx Songs of 2011: 200-176 175-151 150-126 125-101 100-76 75-51 50-26 25-#1 + The Top 25 Albums of 2011