The Top 25 Songs of 1988

The Top 125 Songs of 1988 + At War with Television, Tiffany, and Satan
Part 1: Amanda and Her God Damn Tiffany T-Shirt/Purnell and His Bullshit that Drove The Counselor Crazy
Part 2: Mayhem in the Ice Cream Truck
Part 3: Haunted Golf Course
Part 4: Emergence of The Killer
Part 5: Alone at Last With Tiffany... Television Gang Fight

Part V: Alone at Last With Tiffany... Television Gang Fight

25. The Bevis Frond
"Into the Cryptic Mist"  4:25
London, England

Paula's Dad was sitting on his porch when he smoking a bowl when he saw Annabelle walk by; he knew he had to get some of that. She represented the change he had been seeking. He approached her, said he liked the Tiffany T-shirt, showed her his. She led him to her balcony, grabbed him, and they both jumped off, onto the trampoline. This time, they were gone for good. The world was rid of evil and another mid-life crisis resolved.
24. Коммунизм (Kommunizm)
"Марш коммунистических бригад"  2:15
На советской скорости
Omsk, Russia

Renaldo held another public execution, this time with an electric chair. He placed the television set in the chair, strapped it in, and took all the steps necessary to ensure a proper execution. The power of the television set was turned on and the channel changed to Dr. Phil; the power of the electric chair was switched on, sparks submerged from the television set, and at 2:29 PM, the TV set was pronounced dead.
23. Feedtime
"Lightnings Girl"  2:44
Cooper S
Sydney, Australia

The spectacle proved to be a huge influence for Patty. She unhooked the electric chair and placed it in the back of the ice cream truck. Once she got home, she removed the electric chair from the ice cream truck, looked around to sure nobody was looking, then tipped the ice cream truck over on its side. Patty whistled for her douchebag boyfriend to come down and help. When he did, she strapped him into the chair and fried his ass. Once he was pronounced dead, at 4:06 PM, Patty took him out of the chair, laid him in the road, lifted up the ice cream truck with one arm again, scooched her dead boyfriend underneath it, then dropped the ice cream truck on him, flattened his ass.
22. Band of Susans
"No God"  5:00
Hope Against Hope
New York, NY

The band of renegade bandits rode their horses up to the drive-up window at the fast food restaurant where they ordered happy meals, milk shakes, and some other nasty shit. First, the manager gave them a spiel about how they should not ride horses to the drive-up window, it was for cars only. They retorted by stating they were protecting the environment. Once the happy meals were ready, the bandits drew their pistols on the manager, took the happy meals, and rode off without paying. The happy meals are stashed somewhere safe.
21. Esplendor Geométrico
"Estación Katowice"  5:31
Kosmos Kino
Madrid, Spain

Margaret confronted The Killer and inquired as to why he had killed her. The Killer explained that he was simply going through a phase, was under some medication, and that he is reformed now. She retaliated stating that he owed her $17 in damages. But, The Killer had one final move from his creator before the spell was completely removed. He turned on her TV set, then pushed her inside of it; The Jerry Springer Show. She was mocked by the audience and some fat naked slut charged the stage and beat her senselessly. This person owes Margaret $17 now too.
20. Vágtázó Halottkémek
"Ki Vele, Az Istenért!"  4:09
A Halál Móresre Tanítása
Budapest, Hungary

The lawn ornaments in Helen's garden were having a deep conversation about this pesticide treatment that Helen was using. And, here she comes again, this time with weed killer. As Helen sprayed, she thought she was seeing things when the lawn ornaments came to life and walked towards her. They asked her kindly not to spray this shit, but she panicked, and sprayed the lawn ornaments, then took off in the house. The lawn ornaments raced in after her, and sprayed all of her clothing with the weed killer. They sprayed inside the fridge too. And, they let the parakeet loose.
19. Ali Farka Toure
"Devele Wague"  6:03
S/T (Green)
Kanau, Mali (1939)-Niafunke, Mali (2006)

Helen lost control of her own home as the lawn ornaments took over. They called up the other lawn ornaments in the neighborhood and they all hung out in Helen's living room, totally disrespecting her home. First, they finished the crossword puzzle in the back of the TV Guide and did not permit Helen to assist with any of the answers. Then, they erased all of her VCR settings so that none of her soap operas would record. The lawn ornaments left with the parakeet, and took all of her toilet paper too.
18. Кино
"Прохожий"  3:38
Группа крови
St. Petersburg, Russia

The counselor approached the little elf looking statues walking down the street and told them what they need to be doing with their lives, and it did not pertain to whatever they were doing now. These little lawn ornaments were not interested in her condescending remarks, they ran around her feet until she fell onto the ground. One of them hurled Helen's TV Guide at her and drilled her in the face with it. They took off her shoes and dropped them down the sewer.
17. Royal Trux
"Strawberry Soda"  2:42
Chicago, IL

Henrietta was sitting on the couch watching Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, when the parakeet flew into her window. The parakeet perched itself on the TV and began whistling. After a few moments of whistling, the birds from the movie flew out of the TV set and attacked Henrietta. They shit all over the couch too.
16. Cocteau Twins
"Ella Megablast Burls Forever"  3:39
Blue Bell Knoll
Grangemouth, Scotland

Patty chased down all the lawn ornaments and rounded them up in the back of a cable truck. She rode up to the main cable TV wire, climbed the pole, and disconnected the cable for the entire city. On hand to witness was Renaldo, who fell in love with her immediately...this was a mutual fondness that would last an eternity. Disconnecting the cable became a good way to meet new people.
15. Jane's Addiction
"Summertime Rolls"  6:20
Nothing's Shocking
Seattle, WA

On a beautiful day, members from the news and media decided to stroll through the subdivision to investigate reports about a mysterious TV that was capable of performing wicked deeds. As they walked through the streets, music played, Mr. Ice Cream Man sang a song, and all the residents swayed in their yards to the music. The TV crew did not pay too much attention, for they were concentrating on this TV, walking the streets, searching, scoping out the scene.
14. Bongwater
"The Porpoise Song"  4:48
Double Bummer
New York, NY

The TV set had been destroyed long ago, and all the cable in the community had been disconnected. Investigators assumed the two were connected, unlike the cable, which wasn't connected to anything, and never was connected to the TV in the yard. Denise, chief reporter, made a connection, with The Killer, who escorted her into the home of Charlene and Douglas. Another TV did sprout, in the middle of a yard, the investigators watched it, mystified. It's screen was psychedelic, almost surrealistic with its imagery. The TV showed Denise with The Killer cooking in the kitchen...a toy train sounded, with a skeleton as the conductor. The screen faded, as did the home of Charlene and Douglas.
13. Промышленная Архитектура (Industrial Architecture)
"Дети госпиталей"  7:02
Любовь и Технология
Novosibirsk, Russia

Desmond flagged down the reporters and informed them that he had returned from the dead, as did his new friends. They were curious, and went inside to interview. It was a believable story from the get-go, the music inside the home was dreamy and euphoric. Pictures of Desmond and his horse from 1783 hung elegantly on the dusty walls. Jack and Oliver were odd also. A question was asked, Desmond answered, and the picture of Desmond from 1783 interjected and added some details. So did the horse.
12. Loop
"Fever Knife"  5:09
Fade Out
London, England

There was a knock on the door, it was a TV. The screen kept knocking, tapping the door repeatedly until there was an answer. The reporters were now in awe looking at the characters on the TV set, three skull looking figures wearing Tiffany T-shirts. There was no talking, no movement, only blinking of the eyes. It seemed the skull figures were studying the reporters, who were also analyzing the figures. "Can you see us?" The skull on the left pointed, pointed down the street, and everyone turned their heads to see. Coming down the road, single file, a parade of TV sets was rolling down the street to take over.
11. N.W.A.
"Straight Outta Compton"  4:21
Straight Outta Compton
Compton, CA

A counter attack was at stake. Coming from the other side was Patty, Renaldo, Mr. Ice Cream Man, and several others. They were carrying baseball bats, chains, knives, and other weapons. This gang was lined up side-by-side, walking straight towards the incoming TV sets. Everyone emerged from their homes to watch. Sherman even came up out of the hole, he had to see this. The two parties met in the middle of the street; without wasting any time, a clash was underway. Renaldo swung a chain and busted the screen of the first TV.
10. Dinosaur Jr.
"Don't"  5:42
Amherst, MA

Each TV displayed a different screen, the commentators on the screens were informing them how they were supposed to live, how they were supposed to dress, and how anyone accused of any crime is automatically guilty. Renaldo beat the screens with a bat, Mr. Ice Cream Man stood back with his cigarette and machine gun and opened fire as they marched in; Patty was able to pick up a TV set and throw into a line of other TV's smashing all of them. Both parties were grossly offended by the other.
9. The Jesus and Mary Chain
"Kill Surf City"  3:13
Surfin' Usa-Summer Mix
East Kilbride, Scotland

The TV's towards the back were able to assemble an army of their own. They had convinced a group of people that they had a duty to protect the children in their community, that these people destroying the TV sets were terrorists, and that they were jeopardizing the freedom of America...these people only despised television programs because of the vulgar nature, they were jealous of the freedom. Patty programmed a TV of her own, counter attack, this screen displayed pornography, independent music, and teenagers using drugs. The people who were so free that it made others jealous were outraged, this kind of filth needed to be banned by the FCC. Mr. Ice Cream Man gunned them all down.
8. My Bloody Valentine
"Feed Me With Your Kiss"  3:54
Isn't Anything
Dublin, Ireland

The community was divided on who to root for, most rooted for the TV sets because it said that is who they should root for. But, the TV sets were losing the battle, and it is always better to root for the winner. Also, a sort of revelation seemed to be taking place. The TV was just that… a TV, an object, an it. The people fighting against the TV sets were actual people, real people, this was reality, and it was beginning to set in.
7. Slayer
"South of Heaven"  4:59
South of Heaven
Los Angeles, CA

She showed up to the concert wearing a Tiffany T-shirt. Sadly, this is where her story comes to an end. Not even her bright shiny braces could save her now. Simply put, you don't attend a Slayer concert wearing a Tiffany T-shirt. There are numerous things you don't do at a Slayer concert, for this is where it is most forbidden to discuss simplistic daytime TV subjects, possibly why Dr. Phil was never a huge fan. The counselor refused to assist any student wearing a Slayer T-shirt, only Tiffany T-shirt students were given preferential treatment. That's why the world is the way it is today. Tiffany fans are geniuses, Slayer fans are stupid. The economy is booming! The environment is in perfect shape.
6. Butthole Surfers
"Jimi"  12:38
Hairway to Steven
Austin, TX

For the first duration of this song, the battle raged on. In 5minutes and 30 seconds, the TV's were defeated, as the gang was mercilessly executing every one of them. 6:28, one final TV set entered, flashing a red light, calling out, don't shoot! Don't shoot! Everybody stopped and looked at the TV. On the screen was Denise reporting live, with The Killer. She informed the group that a major event was taking place, and The Killer had a large electric plug gripped in his hand. He pulled the plug, and the streets sounded with the distortion noise, 7:09 into the song. As the noise grew louder, the screen displayed the FCC Building and it exploded. Massive destruction took place as every single television network in existence saw their headquarters destroyed and the buildings crumbled to ground in a cloud of smoke. The gang cheered!
5. Prefab Sprout
"I Remember That"  4:16
From Langley Park to Memphis
Newcastle, England

Back in 1783, they did not have TV. Desmond was not interested in the battle, nor was Eleanor who was still interviewing him. As chaos was raging in the streets, a different was song was playing Desmond's home. Just like in a musical movie, Desmond in the picture started singing to Desmond in real life, and the horse danced and took some backup vocals. As the horse sang, he showed another picture frame to Desmond, with images of his life in 1783, and the good times he had. When he saw the images, Desmond declared, "I remember that." As the song slowed down and came to an end, Desmond entered the photograph, turned black and white, and became a still image standing next to himself.
4. Slammin' Watusis
"It Just Ain't Right"  2:58
Chicago, IL

With most of the free country in an uproar over the terrorist attack on the television networks, the President gave an elegant speech how whoever did this was a coward and probably a Muslim. He vowed to take military action and destroy civilian targets in (drew a name out of a hat) Lebanon this time. Also, the President vowed to raise taxes significantly in order to fund the rebuilding of all the TV networks, and America would not change- that TV would see only minute changes, similar to what the airport saw after 9/11.
3. Public Enemy
"Don't Believe the Hype"  5:19
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
Roosevelt, NY

The President was an imbecile, his words were false. Allowing the government to bomb another nation, raise taxes, fund the media, this was all too dangerous. American intellectuals (the real ones, not the ironic ones) protested against this action. These people didn't listen to the counselor back then, and felt the counselor had too much power anyway. They warned the Tiffany fans of the dangers that came with television… that it was too commercial already, too controlled, too controlling. Do not buy into this foolish President… take your life back.
2. Pixies
"Vamos"  4:18
Surfer Rosa
Boston, MA

With no governing force currently in existence, Patty, Renaldo, Mr. Ice Cream Man, The Killer, and all the others fought against the tyranny of the major broadcast stations. Due to the fact that all of these were diabolical geniuses capable of devising technological advancements the capitalists could never envision, it was they who opened the first broadcast station, and the ability to televise. A bill of rights was established. There shall be no commercials, ever. Commentators are never allowed to state any opinions that should ever belittle any person thinking outside the norm. In fact, a norm will never be established. The government attempted to halt the new station, but Renaldo reminded the President of the talks about freedom and how America is the freest country on Earth, it was televised.
#1?  Tiffany
"I Think We're Alone Now" 
Norwalk, CA (1971)/Nashville, TN (Present)

The counselor was able to restore order in the world. To celebrate, she hosted a banquet, cooked a spaghetti dinner, and sat around proposing toasts. All the kids gathered around the television set to watch Christian Cooligans, sponsored by Wal Mart. As the kids were taught the necessary lessons in life, some of the adults still complained, for the world was not perfect. There were still too many people behaving improperly. Perhaps it was Satan… or that crappy demon music.
#1! Sonic Youth  (#1 song of the entire 80's)
"Total Trash"  7:33
Daydream Nation  (#1 album of the entire 80's)
New York, NY

The Preacherman listened to this bullshit for several minutes and decided he had enough. A gang of renegade bandits busted the windows of the counselors home and disrupted the banquet. The Preacherman stormed into the kitchen, opening boxes of dry spaghetti and throwing the noodles all over the floor. He grabbed the pan of spaghetti sauce and spilled it all over the carpet. Mr. Ice Cream Man ripped the chandelier out of the ceiling, Patty threw the coffee table out the bay window, sending broken glass and a damaged table lying wounded in the front lawn. Renaldo unplugged the TV, wrapped a noose around, and hung the fucking thing where the chandelier used to be.

END CREDITS:  Syd Barrett
"Opel"  6:25
Cambridge, England

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.

Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
Top Left Image starring Kate's Playground
Top Right Image by OfCom
Bottom Image: Nadezhda Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot
Killer Klowns from Outer Space written by Charles & Stephen Chiodo

NC-17 SOUNDTRAXXX Best Songs of 1988:  125-101  100-76  75-51  50-26  25-#1

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