2011/10/19

The Top 125 Songs of 1988

The Top 125 Songs of 1988 + At War with Television, Tiffany, and Satan
Part 1: Amanda and Her God Damn Tiffany T-Shirt/Purnell and His Bullshit that Drove The Counselor Crazy
Part 2: Mayhem in the Ice Cream Truck
Part 3: Haunted Golf Course
Part 4: Emergence of The Killer
Part 5: Alone at Last With Tiffany... Television Gang Fight



Section I: Amanda and Her God Damn Tiffany T-Shirt/Purnell and His Bullshit that Drove The Counselor Crazy


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



125. Siouxsie And The Banshees
"Carousel"  4:27
Peepshow
London, England

Amanda showed up to the concert wearing a Tiffany t-shirt; Tiffany was her favorite band, and all the girls at her school thought the t-shirt was totally rad. At the concert, however, nobody would even speak to her, primarily because of the Tiffany t-shirt. All of the other women in the audience made fun of her for wearing a Tiffany t-shirt; the singer didn't look like Tiffany either. The tickets were free, but Amanda, for the first time ever, felt as if she didn't fit in. Everyone in the crowd talked about her like she was adversary.

124. Stump
"Living it Down"  3:02
A Fierce Pancake
London, England

Amanda was considered by many the hottest girl in high school. Purnell was voted class clown and believed to have an entertaining personality. He did not come from the same type of family as Amanda, and would never be seen anywhere wearing a Tiffany t-shirt. The things he did with his friends on the weekends, Amanda is not allowed to do or else she would get grounded.

123. Mofungo
"Backward Christian Soldiers"  2:40
Bugged
New York, NY

It was a strict school, and it seemed as if Purnell was always in some sort of altercation with the school's officials. Simply put, there was a disagreement on values entirely. The school counselors defined success as having lots of money and owning a lot of possessions. Purnell had the potential to be this way. But, Purnell viewed success of enjoying festivities and having lots of friends, lots of fun, and a quality fan base.
122. Skin Yard
"Throb"  5:50
Hallowed Ground
Seattle, WA

The gang of renegades rode through the old west wearing cowboy hats, cowboy boots, and Tiffany t-shirts. Some of them wrecked their horses because they were text messaging other cowboys while riding their horses. But, these men knew how to shoot a pistol, a were fierce when it came time to rob the bank.

121. Coven
"6669"  3:17
Blessed is the Black
Seattle, WA

There were but 143 people at the concert, none of them wearing a Tiffany T-shirt. They all harassed her, made fun of her Tiffany T-shirt. However, they did insist that they she had the physical features required to be considered beautiful, if only she would join them, then maybe she would be cool. They all encouraged her to worship Satan. The girl was easily influenced, and before too long was conducting her own resurrection parties with her Uncle Ralph.
120. Red Lorry Yellow Lorry
"Nothing Wrong"  2:42
Nothing Wrong
Leeds, England

Desmond was acting the way that he used to, back before he died in 1783. Since being resurrected and asked to wear a Tiffany T-shirt, things felt peculiar, as was this world. Also, due to the fact that he had been dead for over 200 years, his physical features did not define beautiful, nor did his preferred style of clothing. He attempted to fit in, and decided that he should just be happy that he is once again alive and living on the planet Earth. If only the blacksmith were hiring.
119. U-Men
"Flea Circus"  3:01
Step on a Bug
Seattle, WA

Returning from the dead can be mentally straining, to say the least...you all know this feeling don't you. Desmond developed a case of schizophrenia, or at least that's what he was diagnosed with, due to the fact there was confusion of his previous world, his afterlife, and now this. And, he wasn't sure if he was going to die again. He wondered how many of the customers standing in line at the K-Mart he worked had also risen from the dead.
118. Hobbs Angel of Death
"House of Death"  4:12
S/T
Melbourne, Australia

Amanda's father found a cassette tape in her room, her friend Purnell lent it to her. Her dad could tell just from the album cover that this was not Tiffany, and shook his head in disapproval when he listened to it. When she got home, he sat her down at the table and asked several questions, and read off the song titles. Amanda was going to go to college. This other boy was obviously a loser who was never going to amount to nothing.

117. D.R.I.
"Think For Yourself"  4:44
4 of a Kind
Houston, TX/San Francisco, CA

Each week, Renaldo would buy a new television set, and then publicly execute it. During the execution, he would give elaborate speeches of the crimes the television set had committed and its participation with the downfall of man. One week, he constructed a gallows's pole, and hung the television set with a noose, it has since become a public landmark.
116. EPMD
"Strictly Business"  4:49
Strictly Business
Brentwood, New York

The bandits on the horses were beginning to create a name for themselves. They had accumulated a ton of cash in which they kept hidden in a secret hideaway. But, it was time to move into richer territories. All the cash in the old west had been depleted, and it was now time to roll into the subdivisions where the white folks lived. In a daredevil stunt that required strategic planning, the bandits rode their horses through Mrs. Davidson's yard, and stole the pie out of her window. They stashed the pie in the secret hideout.
115. Edie Brickell & New Bohemians
"What I Am"  4:59
Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars
Dallas, TX

Sheila was a carefree spirit who was not overly interested in anything happening in the world. The current events held no value to her, and she did not care one single bit about politics, religion, or celebrity gossip. She did not have a TV, nor a radio, and paid no attention to newspapers. All that was important to her was her own dreams and ambitions, which she did not possess many of those either. Sheila wanted to care about something, but never found out what that was.
114. The Dickies
"Killer Klowns From Outer Space"  4:35
Killer Klowns From Outer Space Soundtrack
Los Angeles, CA

Unlike the actual movie that came out in 1988, the Killer Klowns From Outer Space arrived to Earth wearing Tiffany T-shirts to go along with their other clown gear. The timing of their landing was in unison when the bandits were plotting to rob the local Taco Bell of all the meat graded as "edible". This was a love at first sight experience that perhaps saved the world from total devastation.
113. Megadeth
"Liar"  3:21
So Far, So Good...So What!
Los Angeles, CA

"Your values are not what they should be," the school counselor told Purnell, "your values should be exactly like mine. The goal in life is to make money, own a home, go to church, and host banquets where people sit around in the kitchen and talk about what is happening on the latest episodes of your favorite TV show. Ideally, people will yawn when you speak to them, and keep looking at the clock while thinking of excuses how to leave and when."
112. Rapeman
"Coition Ignition Mission"  2:23
Two Nuns And a Pack Mule
Chicago, IL

The moment she was spotted in the third row wearing a Tiffany T-shirt, the band stopped playing immediately and pointed her out. She smiled, baring the shiny braces that covered her teeth. And, she kept smiling, the braces glowing brighter and brighter until the glare was so bright that it was blinding. The crowd panicked, tried to get away from the glow. Enter, Killer Klowns and bandits on horses, wearing Tiffany T-shirts. The band played on.
111. Testament
"The Preacher"  3:38
The New Order
Oakland, CA

The congregation had a meeting to discuss the turmoil of this world. This music had become too obscene and was obviously the work of the devil. Amanda's father showed up with the cassette tape he had found. As they looked for the word of God, the priest, ripped off his shirt and shocked the committee revealing underneath was a Tiffany T-shirt. That too came off, and underneath that, serious metal. He plugged in his guitar, said some obscenities himself, stood on the table, and rocked the house.
110. Thin White Rope
"Red Sun"  4:03
In the Spanish Cave
Davis, CA

Back when he died in 1783, the world did not have records, tapes, or CD's. Desmond went to the electronics section of the K-Mart he worked, bought a CD player, and a few CD's- Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, and Grease Soundtrack which was on sale. This shit sucks, he thought. He explored new music stores attempting to find a CD that he liked, for he did not like TV nor radio. It was a long dubious task of buying CD's, figuring out his sound of this new world, but this music started changing his perspective on the new world.
109. Nuclear Assault
"Brainwashed"  2:42
Survive
New York, NY

Desmond and Sheila both happened to stumble upon a public execution at the exact same time. They had never met. Renaldo had two guillotines set up, one for a TV, and now, a radio was on trial too. The music selection of modern radio was scrutinized severely and the radio was beheaded. The newsman who supports the critics that claim music is the sole responsibility of teenage suicide was also beheaded. Desmond and Sheila enthusiastically cheered, made eye contact.
108. Jet Black Berries
"The Gun Slinger"  4:04
Animal Necessity
Rochester, NY

The bandits, the Klowns witnessed the award winning speech. They too were moved, and made a new plot. They rode through the subdivision where the white folks lived at 7:00 PM. With razor sharp accuracy, with their pistols, with their space age laser guns, one-by-one, they rode by every house at rapid pace, and fired a shot into their homes, destroying the television set, leaving it smoldering in the living room as the family anticipated what was going to happen after the commercial.
107. The Weather Prophets
"Always the Light"  3:02
Judges, Juries, and Horsemen
London, England

Sheila wasn't even in school, graduated a long time ago. But, her former counselor wished to speak with her anyway. "It is inappropriate to establish an affair with those who have returned from the dead, because I do not agree with it. It is best to have a marriage exactly like mine, like my husband, who earns lots of money." ---  "Soon," Sheila replied, "your husband will be on the list of those to be resurrected, and besides, your husband and Desmond are similar in age."
106. Unrest
"Can't Sit Still"  1:43
Malcolm X Park
Arlington, VA

Ever since the destruction of all of their TV sets, the white folks in the suburbs were uncertain what to do with themselves. They had nobody to think for them, and there was no it saying what was right or what was wrong. They all went to K-Mart on Black Friday to purchase a new TV set, all at once, all at the same time. Prior to this, they had gotten along perfectly fine, but there was a huge brawl getting into the door as they all trampled on one another attempting to dash to the electronics section.
105. Razorcuts
"The Last Picture Show"  4:09
Storyteller
Luton, England

The store did not keep in stock enough television sets to satisfy the demands of the white folks. As a result, many just stared at the TVs on display, and most others argued with the store's clerks while asking ridiculous questions as to when they will be in or if they know if other stores feature the exact same TV sets and the prices at the other stores. One person they asked was Desmond; Desmond answered honestly, told how he really felt, and the customers were so outraged they stood there doing nothing- what can they do, seriously?
104. Napalm Death
"Display to Me"  2:43
From Enslavement to Obliteration
Birmingham, England

The Preacherman at the local church now had only one thing on his mind, serious fucking metal dudes. He went to K-Mart on Black Friday, perhaps to save the souls of capitalist shoppers. At first, he was a welcome guest as the outraged white people charged at him, explaining how this demonic associate was rude and they didn't have any more TV's. The Preacher didn't say a word, as he walked passed the TV display, turning the power off of all of them. Went to stereos, changed the button for radio to CD, put in some serious fucking metal, cranked the stereo as loud as it would go, and made the "Dio" gesture right in the face of Mrs. Thompson.
103. Hallow's Eve
"Speed Freak"  5:25
Monument
Atlanta, GA

What's this? Horses? In the store? Satan had come for sure! The bandits. Killer Klowns from Outer Space. They lined up, side-by-side, about a dozen of them. The Preacherman knew, Desmond knew, you old bitches need to get the fuck out of the way. Heavy metal riffage, the driving beat, it filled the store from The Preacherman's CD. At once, the Klowns, the bandits, drew their guns, and opened fire on the TV display.

102. The Legendary Pink Dots
"Blacklist"  6:44
The Golden Age
London, England/Nijmegen, Netherlands

God had betrayed all of them, on Black Friday at that. No, it wasn't God, it was this devil's music. And, if it wasn't this devil's music, then it was this other weirdo shit that made everybody want to smoke pot. Suburban values do not get questioned, ever, this is the way to live. That pot makes you think about weird things, so does that devil. The TV is proper. We are white folks. We are proper. And we want our TV's back! The government will always support us, and sadly, will.
101. Annette Peacock
"Elect Yourself"  13:35
Abstract-Contact
New York, NY

The politician's speech took over the airwaves. Wearing a Tiffany T-shirt with a tie, the President spoke of a bright future for America, a boom in the economy, more money for the rich, and more missiles for the Muslim community. That God shall bless America, the free capitalist nation that does not ever oppress anybody whatsoever. The counselor applauded loudly hearing the speech, sitting on her couch, tears in her eyes. Sheila caught it by accident; it was on at the diner she was eating. She flipped the TV the middle finger...who the fuck cares about this shit.






NC-17 SOUNDTRAXXX Best Songs of 1988:  125-101  100-76  75-51  50-26  25-#1


Top Image by: http://canyoulead.wordpress.com/2011/07/20/the-laughing-clown-therapy-company/
Top Right by: Playboy April 2002
Bottom Image by: DeviantArt

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