2011/10/19

NC17 Top 75 Traxxx of Pre-1965

The Origination of History + The Top 100 Songs of 1965 and Before

Chapter 1: I Know Where it Began Because I Was There
Chapter 2: The Preacher and The Scientist Were Definitely There Too
Chapter 3: The Molding of Modern Society
Chapter 4: Modern Society, And These Fuckers Are STILL Here


Chapter II: The Preacher and The Scientist Were Definitely There Too


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



75. Gene Chandler
"The Duke of Earl"  2:21
The Duke of Earl (1962)
Chicago, IL (1937-present)

The planet Earth was created by a God, who was utilizing a conglomerate of ingredients in which the entity hoped would blend together to perfection. It didn’t. The experiment failed. God disbanded the project, and disposed of the Earth into a vast pit in The Universe with the other failed experiments. Unwilling to accept this fate, a blemished mutation arose from the ruins, crowned himself King, and claimed this was the perfect creation.

74. Four Tops
"I Can't Help Myself"  2:44
Second Album (1965)
Detroit, MI

Many forms of life survived the improper disposal of the planet. But, these life forms had been contaminated. The ingredients were sour. They had been infected with The Bad Sugar... the spoiled products in which their species had been incarnated. This resulted in a final product that did not mesh, not like the photograph located next to the recipe.

73. The Trashmen
"Surfin' Bird"  2:20
Surfin' Bird (1963)
Minneapolis, MN

Some of the life forms lived amply, but all of the forms of life on the disposed planet eventually died. The wretched ingredients that formulated these beings did not possess the required components to live forever on this planet. Dying was regarded as natural, old age was natural causes, some killed each other, some killed themselves, others died in freak accidents, Larry was struck by a speeding bus, Jackie, struck by lightning.

72. Andrew Hill
"Tired Trade"  5:52
Black Fire (1964)
Chicago, IL (1931)-Jersey City, NJ (2007)

One source of the problem was that species were not created properly. There was a serious error in their components. These species were plagued with a situation called hunger; that in order to survive, they needed to eat—eat other life forms. Something had to die in order for this situation to be resolved. Animal species began practicing the art of mass slaughter in order for survival, those who didn't died naturally of starvation. Some began eating for pleasure, rather than survival; they contributed to the demise of atmospheric resources in order to pursue their addiction and it was forcefully accepted. Many recognized their hazards and their grotesque appearance, but it was impolite to ever question the ethics of a fat miserable bastard.

71. Little Richard
"Lucille"  2:24
S/T (1958)
Macon, GA (1932-present)

The plant life on the planet did not need to kill off another species in order to survive. However, it simply died off after about a year. Though completely innocent and totally harmless, some of the species on this planet killed and ate the plant life. Many were unaware that they were destroying life for there was no viable means to communicate with plants. Most assumed that since plants did not possess the same physical structure of the animals themselves, that they had no ability to reasonthey had no use and their misunderstood life was meaningless. That Bob, the potato, had no grandchildren, therefore, a miserable lame-ass two-bit good-for-nothing mother fucking asshole piece of shit—damn these mother fucking potatoes!

70. The Nashville Teens
"Tobacco Road"  2:30
Tobacco Road (1964)
Weybridge, England

Others ate other animals; sometimes even of the same species; some their own children. The predators would track down a species, often just out of the blue, without cause, without warning, chase down another animal, just to kill it and eat it. The prey, for whatever reason, did not possess the components to ever do this to another animal—it often came as a shock. They relied on killing plants, which came as a shock to the plants, who weren’t even able to move. Furthermore, many did not even fight back or defend themselves against the predators, even though their herds far outnumbered that of the predator’s herd.

69. Tex Ritter
"Boll Weevil"  2:33
Cowboy Favorites (1946)
Murvaul, TX (1905)-Nashville, TN (1974)

The first attempt at cannibalism occurred when Adam attempted to eat Eve. However, Eve enjoyed the way this felt, and thus oral sex was originated. This would go on to play a huge factor in how the world became overpopulated. The first animal to ever be eaten was Ernesto the talking duck, whose existence on Earth lasted approximately 5 minutes before he was devoured by a large reptile. Ernesto was also the forefather of advanced physics.

68. The Sonics
"The Witch"  2:41
Here are The Sonics (1965)
Tacoma, WA

Somewhere in the history of Earth, came the origination of man. Although man was nowhere near the first species on Earth, they assumed that the God who created them was also a man and not any other species, and especially not a talking duck with a PHD in Physics. There is the possibility that there is a God, a man, who ruined the creation. It was after the creation of man that the project was disbanded and the planet discounted as a failure. Or, in the 10 Commandments, God confessed to being a jealous person, and abandoned the Earth after Gary fucked Loretta (that chick from Turkey who God had been trying to shack up with since August 22nd, 24,616 BCE); this is now why sex is a sin also.

67. Jackie Wilson
"Lonely Teardrops"  2:40
Lonely Teardrops (1959)
Detroit, MI (1934)-Mount Holly, NY (1984)

Not long after the planet’s disposal, the species of man eventually overtook the Earth. In the beginning, man had sprouted everywhere that there was land. Man did not have the ability to breath under the water, and therefore had no domain over the oceans, which covered most of the Earth. The very first attempt by man to live in the ocean where this domineering species could also claim domain, resulted in Herbert drowning and getting eaten by a family of sharks. Both parties knew this battle had not yet ended.

66. The Ventures
"Rawhide"  2:30
Another Smash!!! (1961)
Seattle, WA

Despite the fact that most of the Earth’s surface was unlivable for mankind, they still assumed that God had granted them the entire Earth. The rest of the Earth was there strictly for them to sustain survival. There is no way possible that God is a fish, a sea urchin, or a shark. These species are far too dumb to ever create something as pristine as the human race. World famous biologists claim that they know the exact mental capability of all water species, how they hear, how they see, what they eat, who they mate with, their views on life, their age, and who they voted for President... just like the IRS knows everything about each individual currently being repressed by the descendant of that first King.

65. Sonny Rollins
"John S."  7:44
The Bridge (1962)
New York, NY (1930-present)

Man consists of the main ingredient that poisoned the harmony of Earth. However, their psyche is so poisoned, that they are unwilling to admit it. The smart ones foresaw the turmoil of life, that of mankind, and opted to simply stay in the water to avoid them. Unfortunately, these "smart ones" were eaten by sharks and various birds that learned to swim. Man eventually devised poles and caught them on hooks, because the fish never grasped the concept of a mysterious worm popping up out of nowhere. Perhaps they were just being brave, and attempting to pull the man thing into the water and drown him/her...few transvestites take up fishing.

64. Muddy Waters
"Just to Be With You"  3:16
I Got to Find My Baby (1956)
Rolling Fork, MS (1915)-Westmont, IL (1983)

Man's first ever attempt to mate with a different species was a complete failure. However, for some reason many think that this is still possible, with sheep seemingly being the chief culprit for inter-breeding possibilities...horses a close 2nd (1st among females), chickens 3rd. There are photographs widely spread on the Internet depicting human beings attempting this mating ritual with these other animals. Apparently, the attraction goes beyond food. Humans have the same attraction with plants also, for many of them have attempted to reproduce by means of fornicating a watermelon or cucumber penetration. Also noteworthy: humans are not the only species guilty of partaking in bestiality—dogs will hump anything and have attempted to mate with the legs of some of the ugliest people in the world, without even consuming any alcohol whatsoever. Survey revealed that 86% of the world would rather fuck a watermelon than a dog.

63. Link Wray & The Raymen
"Jack the Ripper"  2:25
Jack the Ripper (1961)
Dunn, NC (1929)-Copenhagen, Denmark (2005)

Fruits and vegetables seem to be a more suitable mating partner than other animal species. Only 37% of humans have ever had sexual intercourse with another species, while 98.7% of females have mated with cucumbers and 81.4% of males have experimented with watermelons. We are not sure if the watermelons proved fertile or not because they were either eaten shortly afterwards or their seeds destroyed. Perhaps after ejaculating inside the watermelon, the seeds should be properly planted and the results carefully monitored. 12% of the Earth's population does, however, resemble cucumbers.

62. Solomon Burke
"Cry to Me"  2:34
Cry to Me (1961)
Philadelphia, PA (1940)- Schiphon, Netherlands (2010)

As with the origination of The Universe, much dispute has been argued over the origination of life on the planet Earth. Scientists have claimed that they have discovered factual evidence, species of plants and animals that lived on Earth long before man. They have figured all of this out by discovering some bone-like material in the ground; they were able to run the found substance through the same magical machine that informed us the star will be 1.589732 million years old next Thursday. Also, they can tell us the exact animal these bones came from, exactly to a tee the age of the bone, and even their diet patterns. By the way: happy birthday to Steve the brontosaurus who was discovered in Omaha by a talent agency 48,964 years ago.

61. Gene Vincent
"Lavender Blue"  3:19
Shakin' Up a Storm (1964)
Norfolk, VA (1935)-Newhall, CA (1971)

The extinction of the dinosaur species remains a mystery as well. Perhaps it is proof that the Earth was made in error. Or, these mysterious dinosaur things began gobbling up all of the other creations that God was merrily creating with fairy dust while walking through the then-nothingness of The Universe while listening to Mr. Sandman. Maybe they grew too fat, too slow, and that's why the Earth is lagging behind... they went extinct because nobody was willing to be rude enough to inform them of their unhealthy diet habits. Or, the dinosaurs were the monsters that the other galaxies have been running from this entire time.

60. Elvis Presley
"Heartbreak Hotel"  2:10
Heartbreak Hotel (1956)
Tupelo, MS (1935)-Memphis, TN (1977)

Once God realized the fairy dust created monsters, she smiled, gleefully said, "oops", waved her magic wand and all the monsters disappeared. The birdies following her whistled, the duckies sang, and the little puppy dogs smiled. "I will," she said with a smile, "be taking this with me though." She grabbed a cucumber from the Earth, and discovered a new and improved way to happily create other galaxies. God will be returning not for the rapture, but when the cucumber goes limp.

59. The Temptations
"Paradise"  2:51
Meet the Temptations (1964)
Detroit, MI

The new sections of the galaxy that have been sprouted from God's magical cucumber are the definitions of Heaven. If only the cucumber had been discovered beforehand, then Earth would have no complications whatsoever. But no, Earth is so disgruntled that even the thought that mankind was created by the lustful sweet aroma of God's vaginal juices and a nice crisp green cucumber is deemed sinful. Man is so distraught that its origination could only have been sprung from violence, explosions, and giant lizards.

58. The Impressions
"Keep on Pushing"  2:34
Keep on Pushing (1964)
Chicago, IL

Being as God is a man, and sodomy with a cucumber is considered disgusting by 18% of the population (with an error margin +/- 3% due to the fact that is has been proven that some of research participants lied during the survey) the religious zealots incorporated the notion that God created some dude named Adam first, and constructed his bitch out one of his ribs just so he could have a hoe to slap around. The first words ever uttered on Earth were, "bitch, give me back my damn rib mother fucker!"

57. Son House
"Sundown"  6:14
Father of the Folk Blues (1965)
Riverton, MS (1902)-Detroit, MI (1988)

The scientists have evidence (more of this shit again) that human beings evolved from other species, but not those pathetic ass dinosaurs that most certainly have existed, had the exact same eating patterns as current life on Earth, and went extinct June 13th 25,893 BCE. We were once minuscule particles of bacteria, amphibians, reptiles, then monkeys, now humans...and each of these is considered a vast improvement... All the other aforementioned species still exist today.

56. Duke Ellington
"In a Sentimental Mood"  3:19
In a Sentimental Mood (1935)
Washington, DC (1899)-New York, NY (1974)

I have done research on my family tree. My ancestors have hailed from Ireland and Germany, but there were no monkeys of any sort whatsoever. My great great great great great great Uncle Joe was an armadillo. His 4th cousin Charlie was an iguana who married Susie, a distant relative on both my mother and father's side of the family. Thanks to family tree maker, and sketchedout.com, I was able to track down an important photo: This is my great great great great great great great great great grandfather Maroni J. Neal

55. Charles Brown
"Black Night"  3:09
Black Night (1951)
Texas City, TX (1922)-Oakland, CA (1999)

It is very important to research your family history to know what species you have evolved from; the local science office can tell you all of this, exactly, with 100% accuracy (with an error ratio of +/- 100% since many of them have falsified documents in the past) what species it is you have evolved from, and this will determine compatibility in your relationships. For me, being part Irish, German, born in New Castle, IN, left-handed, and a 4/20 friendly social drinking/smoking Leo means nothing. Since I discovered my ancestry was derived from raccoons, I only date other women who were also spawned from raccoons; I tend to be attracted to trashy women as well—perhaps this is just the raccoon in me.

54. Eddie Cochran
"Somethin' Else"  2:04
Somethin' Else (1959)
Albert Lea, MN (1938)-Chippenham, Enland (1960)

Assuming creation is absolutely correct, nobody has been willing to delve into how it was Adam first courted Eve (or vice-versa). There exists the possibility Adam attempted numerous rituals to show off his manhood... just like people do today. Or, maybe God told them they had to in order to create new life. Being the only two people on Earth, and then having sex at God's discretion had to have been awkward. It would be akin to having sex at a cookout with your mate's father watching, narrating instructions the entire time. A frequently asked trivia question: name the very first ever sexual position utilized by Adam & Eve? According to scientists, Adam fucked Eve doggy style (for she was still a mule) on December 5th 42,658 BCE. According to the fundamentalists, any person who attempts to figure out such a thing is going to Hell.

53. Hank Mobley
"I Should Care"  7:39
Another Workout (1985; Recorded 1961)
Eastman, GA (1930)-Philadelphia, PA (1986)

Now let's assume the scientists have been correct, we have to wonder how many people sprouted at once, and how they figured out certain things. The scientists are 100% positive that there were birds before humans and that human intelligence has evolved to the genius state that is now; meaning, the first ever human was even dumber than the bro crowd at Buck Heads Saloon. Yes, there had to be attempts to fly just like the bird, sending their bones crashing into Earth to be discovered 19,473 years later by an anthropologist who just knew that this was his cousin Elaine, the tiny little spider monkey she was. Numerous failed experiments on what to eat took place and microwaveable bowls had not even been invented.

52. Jackson C. Frank
"Milk and Honey"  3:39
S/T  (1965)
Buffalo, NY (1943)-Great Barrington, MA (1999)

Jacob Moreno is often credited as the first person to ever officially succeed in evolving from an ape into a human. And, what a lonely life he led. He had numerous hopes and dreams and visualized a far more technically advanced than those other monkey asses, all over there sodomizing one another with cucumbers. Jacob left the tribe of apes, who he figured had been around for 487 years, isolated himself in a cave to be away from those retards, and created his own world by drawing hieroglyphics on the wall, and asking God if he could cash in a rib for a chance to be with a woman who didn't look like an ape.

51. Ella Fitzgerald
"Azure"  6:50
Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Duke Ellington Songbook (1957)
Newport News, VA (1918)-Beverly Hills, CA (1996)

And then came Jessica, who evolved from a chimpanzee, disputing that she had evolved first. They put their past arguments behind them, for they did not care who came first... That is, until mating, and in that regard, Jacob came first. According to testaments by Jessica, the time had not yet arrived for the disposal of the cucumber. After several years of listening to Jacob go on and on about stupid bullshit, Jessica realized that chimps and apes were not compatible...she sought a real man who evolved from sharks...then drowned herself on April 9th of that year.







Top Image by: http://animals.howstuffworks.com/dinosaurs/dinosaurs.htm
Bottom image by: Linda Silvestri

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