2011/10/19

NC17 Top 75 Songs of 1986

The Top 200 Songs of 1986 + Customer Service
Part 1: Proper Etiquette Goes Both Ways
Part 2: Life Outside the Store
Part 3: People You Share Your Most Personal Information With
Part 4: The Transvestite Chuck E. Cheese Cares About Your Luggage
Part 5: Love Affairs With Customers
Part 6: Gettin' Mutha Fuck'n Crazy at Pier 1 Imports
Part 7: Just Ain't the Way Shit's Done Around Here
Part 8: Some Customers Can Ruin Your Life


Part VI: Gettin' Mutha Fuck'n Crazy at Pier 1 Imports


Press play on the image below to listen to the songs while you read.



75. Sun City Girls
"Radio Morocco"  4:58
Grotto of Miracles
Phoenix, AZ

Some people will put aside very important personal issues if they are dealing with a customer. They will ignore urgent phone calls, and not allow prominent family members to interfere with their jobs while they are busy with a customer; even if they love their spouse and despise the customer.

74. Ministry
"We Believe"  5:57
Twitch
Chicago, IL

Customers and employees have been in some intense arguments over the phone. For several reasons, people tend to speak more freely- which often means irrationally- when communicating over the telephone. Because, there is no physical interaction, neither knows what the other looks like, and the distance is sometimes so great that people are no longer in danger of getting their asses kicked, so say whatever they feel like saying.

73. Live Skull
"I Will Break You"  4:07
Cloud One
New York, NY

It is extremely possible that two people could be totally compatible and have numerous traits in common. However, these two most compatible people may hate one another based on what happened in a customer/employee situation over the phone or even an e-mail. Many times, they will hold a grudge because of what was said and forever be enemies; the manager of the store has vowed that he is going to beat the living shit out of largelarry76@hotmail.com.

72. Victims Family
"Out of Hand"  3:07
Voltage and Violets
Santa Rosa, CA

People can become overwhelmed with customers, especially when too many of them enter at once and the employee has not yet had lunch or a cigarette. Even though, unknowingly, this customer may be the person of the employee's dreams, the mere sight of yet another customer is equivalent to an infestation of fruit flies. The employee despises a decent human being just for walking in the door. Other customers are of no assistance; despite the fact that it is overwhelmingly busy, they seem unable to grasp why there is a line, or why nobody will help them with their moronic questions. They too, get irritated.

When I witness the aforementioned situation, a customer getting irate when it is extremely busy, I will always take the side of the employee working at a rapid pace over a lazy customer. 82% of the population agrees. Therefore, if you are at a place that is extremely busy, the majority expects you to make some sacrifices and figure some things out for yourself. Sorry the world can't be perfect for you, and hate to be the one to break it to you- the customer is not "always" right- that's the first thing you learn in college; always = false.

71. S.O.B.
"Leave Me Alone"  0:51
Leave Me Alone
Osaka, Japan

In some cases, disputes become so intense that the police have to come in and intervene. Violent death threats are made to one another, and some even threaten to burn down the house or the whole store. A majority of the time, the employee nor customer have nothing to do with the policy being disputed.

70. Flux of Pink Indians
"Youth Immortal"  5:33
Uncarved Block
Bishops Stortford, England

Hair stylists probably endure the least amount of violent provocation. Few people have ever witnessed a fight breaking out in a beauty salon. It is a good thing, for it would be most unfortunate for a hair stylist to have to bust a $42 bottle of post-coloring conditioner over a customers head. Or, if somebody insulted the hair stylist, he/she could spin the customer around in the chair until they vomit.

69. Nomeansno
"Revenge"  5:17
Sex Mad
Victoria, BC  Canada

There are rumors that delivery drivers, servers, and bartenders will do evil things to people who do not tip. The most common urban legend involves spitting in the food, or the bartender dipping his cock in the martini. One pizza did not get a tip, returned in the middle of the night while the neighborhood was sleeping, stole the neighbor's hose, rolled it over to the customer's house, and attached it to faucet. The driver then turned on the hose, watered the plants, and left.

68. Head of David
"White Bastard"  6:06
LP
West Midlands, England

The following morning, it appeared as if the customer was the one who stole the hose. From that moment on, he was hated by the entire neighborhood. He was confronted by the neighbor with: "for Pete's sake Henderson, if you wanted to use my hose you should have asked." They were certain Henderson was lying because the plants had been watered, like who is going to just come in in the middle of the night and water somebody's plants?

67. Gore
"Axe of Revenge"  4:40
Hart Gore
Venlo, Netherlands

People started locking their doors because they did not trust Henderson. He was despised by the entire subdivision and his home was vandalized every Halloween. Commonly heard was the phrase: "this used to be a nice neighborhood, until Henderson moved in", or "watch out for Henderson, he will steal your tools." Henderson lost all of his friends just because he was a bad customer and pissed off an employee.

66. Venom P. Stinger
"Going Nowhere"  2:51
Meet My Friend Venom
Melbourne, Australia

People who do not like their jobs wish to distance themselves from that position when they are not working. They do not like it when customers spot them at social gatherings and discuss work related topics; this is not the time nor the place. It's as if the employee has only one characteristic and the job defines that.

65. Nuclear Assault
"After the Holocaust"  3:45
Game Over
New York, NY

Billy and Suzy were supposedly destined to be together forever and the angels intervened. But, Billy told Suzy that her layaway account had expired and she would not be getting a refund; that she basically forfeited her earnings to the company Billy works for as that is their policy. Suzy devised her own policy, and stabbed Billy in the hand with an ink pen.

64. Gauze
"Fact and Criminal"  2:22
Equalizing Distort
Tokyo, Japan

Some establishments run the risk of customers stealing from them or committing armed robbery. These places have procedures in which the employees are expected to follow in the case of a robbery. Once a person has committed armed robbery, that pretty much ensures that he/she is considered a bad customer from that moment. Occasionally, they will take a hostage- this is one of the more extreme customer/employee relations.

63. Napalm Death
"Instinct of Survival"  2:26
From Enslavement to Obliteration Demo
Birmingham, England

Some customers feel so strongly about the tactics of a business that they will boycott the establishment immediately, and loathe all persons working there. Examples include the abortion clinic, BP Gas, adult book stores, and Pandora.

62. Scratch Acid
"Crazy Dan"  4:14
Just Keep Eating
Austin, TX

There are times when an employee will have to deal with customer complaints, and the complaint is in regard to other customers. The people at that table are being too loud and obnoxious. I overheard these people saying cuss words in front of my children. So and so back there said that my feet stink, I had my bare feet propped up on a seat.

61. Caroliner
"Corn Red Moon"  3:01
I'm Armed With Quarts of Blood
San Francisco, CA

Some people deal with people all day, but it is difficult to assume the people are customers. A fine example of this is the unemployment office. These customers are irritable, and sometimes irritating. They are unemployed, and have to stand in long lines; rather than get a job, they declare "what they (the unemployment office) need to do is...(fix some mother fuckin' coffee?)". Imagine having this job. Who hopes to someday work at the unemployment office? When I grow up, I want to work at the unemployment office...so I can spend more time with my dad.

60. The Residents
"Ramblin' Man"  3:10
Stars and Hank Forever
Shreveport, LA

Some customers stop shopping at a place altogether once they have made the acquaintance of some of the employees. They may be liked somewhat, usually not genuinely hated, but there is some sort of discomfort from getting to know people. These customers, for whatever reason, prefer to be strangers in an establishment; they intentionally avoid conversation for the longest time; they speak when you get to know them; then, they disappear without a trace.

59. Membranes
"The Day My Universe Changed"  2:42
Songs of Love and Fury
Blackpool, England

Some customers come into an establishment every single day and get the exact same thing every time. For instance, people will order the same thing at a restaurant; enter a convenience store and get the exact same 40 oz of King Cobra. They are known as that person who always gets... Then, one day, just out of the blue, they come in and order something else. This sends a shock across the world. Holy fucking shit! Harold did not, I repeat: did not order the ham sandwich. The news shows up for more coverage.

58. Flotsam and Jetsam
"She Took an Axe"  5:15
Doomsday For the Deceiver
Scottsdale, AZ

For some jobs, the customers are actually co-workers to some extent...other employees. This normally takes place in large office buildings and the positions include the mail room, the copy room, and the janitor. The business depends on these people to get their jobs done. However, the aforementioned people do not need the other employees to complete their job. In many cases, the other employees (customers) come off as stupid, whiny, demanding, condescending, and normally get paid significantly more. Sometimes these people get stressed out by the other employees (customers) and come into the office and commit mass murder.

57. Sumo
"Heroína"  5:36
Llegando Los Monos
Buenos Aires, Argentina

There are those who just love being around people. They work and frequent establishments as a social setting. No matter what flaws a person may have, they still love people. Customers and employees who are like this tend to be the local favorite, especially if they are accepting to other people's bad habits- which most are. They don't even mind if people abuse heroin- they will still consider the junkies friends. People who counterfeit Pier 1 Imports coupons are the exception for these bastards are hated by everybody.

56. Lärm
"Hippies"  0:49
Straight on View
Amersfoort, Netherlands

In reference to dirty hippies: the unemployed kind that stink and live on the streets...these are the worst customers. Hippies are prone to wear out their welcome, which being as they still exist clinging to values from the '60's that much is obvious. Hippies will come into a store, and linger around way longer than they need to, and many will continue to loiter in the parking lot- often bumming change from other patrons. They are not pleasant to look at, nor easy on the nose. Hippy hill in Asheville is home to some of the world's worst customers.

55. Dark Angel
"The Burning of Sodom"  3:16
Darkness Descends
Downey, CA

Technically, those in attendance at church are customers, with the minister and deacons or whatnot being the employees. Like many other occupations, the minister will frown upon customers who do not tip (via leaving money on the collection plate). Some people (atheists, other religions) will demoralize the employees the same way white suburbanites condescend drive-thru workers. The frequently asked questions they have to deal with, such as when will Jesus fix my refrigerator, the answers always lies within faith, and sometimes even mysterious ways. Best Buy should employ similar tactics.

54. High Rise
"Cotton Top"  4:19
II
Tokyo, Japan

Often, customers will have to spend hours in a store that they have no business being in. The primary cause for this is when a person drags his/her (usually her) spouse into an establishment. Men are forced to wander around aimlessly for hours at Hallmark, pretending to take interest in something. Even though the employees are often courteous and ask if any assistance is required, the customer(s) often grown impatient just because of the spouse. People may get destructive after being in these places for too long, and arrange the figurines display to resemble an orgy.

53. Guided By Voices
"Land of Danger"  3:10
Forever Since Breakfast
Dayton, OH

Some places specialize in completely useless items, such as Pier 1 Imports. These places have strict hiring guidelines to ensure they only have the most qualified of candidates to discuss the uses of useless junk to the customers. They also enforce a drug free work environment, probably to be certain the employees are able to keep a straight face hearing a customer relate the urgent need of a fake, yet scented, floral arrangement. Management has devised sales strategies to make this shit seem useful to the customers.

52. My Bloody Valentine
"By the Danger in Your Eyes"  2:51
The New Record by My Bloody Valentine
Dublin, Ireland

There are people who go into Pier 1 Imports every single day. The customers feel they have bonded with some of the employees due to a perceived common interest in wicker baskets. Pier 1 Imports' customers think about the store's employees 63% of their personal time, value all of their personal opinions, base their own personal philosophies as to how it would appeal to store manager, and often bake cookies and bring them into the store. It's rare to see a group of degenerate hippies loitering in front of Pier 1 Imports; no skaters either.

51. The Flaming Lips
"Jesus Shootin' Heroin"  7:21
Hear It Is
Oklahoma City, OK

Factory workers do not have to deal with customers. But, the economy has gotten so bad, that many factories have shut down. Melvin lost his job this way, and was about to file bankruptcy. His sister got him a job, however, at Jo Ann Fabrics. Melvin was rugged, and had a tough time adjusting from factory work to Jo Ann Fabrics. He often told dirty jokes to the elderly lady customers who kept asking him about patterns and discussing what kind of shit they were making. Eventually, Melvin grew to hate all of these people...he hated fabric, he hated people who made fabric, he hated people who bought fabric, he hated anything made with fabric...he boycotted fabric and showed up for work stark naked. Melvin was to be arrested for public indecency, but he ran from the police. After a long chase, they finally apprehended him inside Pier 1 Imports where he thought would be a safe place to hide out. Everyone in Pier 1 Imports was eating the delicious cookies that Francine had baked when a stark naked man came barging into the store, followed by the police.







Top Image by: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.bloggingstocks.com/media/2007/10/pier1imports_logo.jpg
Bottom Image by: http://fieldnotes.unicefusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2010-pier1-winner-store.jpg

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