Chapter 1: The Invitation; BBW Lust; 4284 Milaine Drive
Chapter 2: Rock Bottom; BBW Lust 2; The Escape from 4284 Milaine Drive
Chapter 3: Ladies and Gentlemen... Mrs. Connie Hatcher
Chapter 4: The Reunion
Chapter III: Ladies and Gentlemen... Mrs. Connie Hatcher
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
"Is That Important?" 3:05
San Francisco, CA
As it stood, there were 25 people headed to the reunion. All 20 students, 2 actual teachers, 2 random others who were now part of the picture (one technically being student #21 now) and another teacher, although she had been eaten by an alligator. The destination was unknown to most, for none of them had ever heard of the location. However, even though none of them had ever been to this location before, they all seemed to know exactly how to get there. The invitation came with specific instructions, and a recommended means in which they should travel. Furthermore, it seemed guaranteed that all persons would succeed at arriving, no matter the circumstances.
49. Archers of Loaf
"Web in Front" 2:05
Chapel Hill, NC
He had no knowledge of this, but Stanley is a key factor to ensure every single person in the group arrives to reunion. It began the moment he forgot his razor and elected not to purchase one. Every move he makes is designed to structure the balance of the universe in order to make certain that the each member of the group arrives. There have been obstacles strategically placed in his path in which he will have to evade and maneuver elusively to avoid. By avoiding these potential snares, or by temporarily being snagged in them, the course of Stanley alters the universe enough to guarantee the safety of the others. Furthermore, it alters the thinking patterns of those in order for them to enact certain motives. Because he nearly collided with a polar bear who happened to be in a crosswalk of a downtown street, Meta allowed Foster to go to the event by himself; because he had to walk across the cafe to get blueberry syrup for his pancakes, Vastine was released from prison.
Cure for Pain
The garage door opened, the hot rod with Kreger wearing sunglasses rolled out, and sped down the road. During his school days, Kreger never one time went out with any of his classmates. He was not ugly, nor stupid, and his social skills were not that incredibly bad; he just never went out. Later, he would regret this, and would often reflect upon his younger days thinking what it would be like if he did things differently- tried to be the coolest kid in class. It's like he is a teenager now, and was in his 40's back then. Now, he can be seen speeding down the highway, cruising for girls, listening to loud music on his stereo, drinking, smoking weed, buying new clothes each year at Back-to-School sales at the mall. Kreger is a bad mother fucker.
47. The Flaming Lips
"Turn It On" 4:39
Transmissions From the Satellite Heart
Oklahoma City, OK
Conley had been sentenced to the insane asylum. He had counted down the days until his release date, and sure enough, the exact day he was freed, he received the invitation. Immediately upon leaving the facility, he was required to go on his journey. Back in his high school years, Conley thought as if he was a certified player, and pursued any girl who entered his path. He would frequently lie and exaggerate his accomplishments in order to impress the ladies. One of them, he was able to impress to the extreme of obsession- although what she was obsessed with did not really exist. Conley had told her he had all this money, and what he was going to do with his investments...next thing she was stalking him. This made him happy. He fucked her, and got her pregnant- this was the end of his days as a player. Furthermore, when she found out that he had no investments, she flipped out and went ape shit- in one case beating him down with a wire whisk. After many years of this relationship- they had to interact because of the child, Conley had a nervous breakdown. But, now he was free- in body and in mind. On track to the reunion, he held another quest within his own mind to detract from any of his past mishaps.
"Machine Gun" 4:28
They used to experiment with a lot of drugs back in high school. But, as mentioned, one quit everything, one did not. However, for the journey to the location, the one who quit everything was instructed to try out a new drug on his way to the journey- it was made specifically for him to make him feel better. And, it worked magnificently. Since kicking the habit, he had struggled with becoming that ordinary clean cut individual. Even as he got older, he never fit in with the conformists of governed society; as he matured, however, he no longer fit in with the hardcore stoners either.
Finding that central bridge in-between was difficult, for that pattern of life does not seem to be as widespread as the other extremes, and this led to numerous stressful patterns throughout his life. These new drugs did the trick though. They were in-between, definitely nothing like alcohol, which he generally despised anyway, and not quite any of the other ones he did actually mildly enjoy- such as marijuana, mushrooms, and other mild hallucinogens. With these pills, he could clearly see his path of destiny, to the reunion, and beyond. It also helped cripple the negative attributes that had plagued him- prevented the ultimate happiness.
45. Dinosaur Jr.
"Start Choppin'" 5:40
Where You Been
Giving up the booze for an indefinite period seemed like torture. During the first session of the journey, all he thought about was how he needed a beer. He could not even enjoy the scenery. Isn't that mountain range beautiful? Yea, it would look even better if they had a beer stand right in front of it. And how would that make it look better? Honestly, it wouldn't. He only assumed that the beer would make him look better. Or, that drinking was the ultimate form of socializing, it made everything more fun. He assumed that this person also enjoyed consuming alcohol, which he did, but did not desire to do so in large quantities every single day. For Workman, simply holding a beer in his hand represented something, that maybe he valued recreation more than labor. For the most part, people concur with that, which should be obvious. It is considered healthy to have a diet consisting of both equally… dwelling into one significantly more than the other results in potential dangers. Too much labor causes heart attacks, too much recreation causes liver damage and obesity.
44. Paul Weller
"Shadow of the Sun" 7:37
Perhaps there was significantly more than a longing for a reunion. All of their former selves had been altered throughout adulthood. Many of them seemed to be retreating from something more prominent, something less desirable. There also exists the notion of what is natural: the way they had become, or the way they once were. These days, they did not see the same people each day in the manner they once did, it was mostly work, and another set of people on the social level. It was as essential to impress these people, the way it was once deemed necessary to impress classmates. The natural self probably lied somewhere in the middle, which is where the location of the reunion technically was taking place. The reunion could constitute as a group therapy session, a chance to redefine themselves.
43. Don Edwards
Goin' Back to Texas (also Grizzly Man Soundtrack)
The careless days of the past had been replaced with the policies of corporate, marriage, and family. Responsibility dictated happiness. All that was left of the old days was the alarm clock. But, all of their friends were gone. Over the years, it was hard to even keep track of them, and the periods thinking about these people gradually diminished. Plans to someday get together for a cookout with Taylor and Kreger and Workman just seemed unnecessary. For that matter, people wondered if they would even recognize their former classmates if they ever saw them. Plus, many had relocated to a far away region. Those days were long gone.
42. Iggy Pop
"The Highway Song" 3:44
Being an alligator, LeeRoy had been pretty much limited to the swamp his entire life. There is very little action in the swamp region, and one of LeeRoy's fondest memories is the day he ate Mrs. Hatcher. Stanley was stopped at a light, the moment it turned green, an ambulance was coming with his lights and sirens flashing, Stanley had to sit through the light again. Because of this, LeeRoy did not depend on the swamp for survival; he could live comfortably walking the streets in the middle of nowhere. This was his first excursion on the highway, and a whole new experience for LeeRoy. He found he enjoyed this travel, and wished he had left the swamp sooner. Stanley was nearly struck by an overturned semi. At that moment, another semi hauling new cars went over a bump, a new car rolled off, and stopped right beside LeeRoy. Mysteriously, the alligator quickly developed the ability to drive, as LeeRoy hit the open road, never to look back.
41. Tom Waits
"Lucky Day (Overture)" 2:27
The Black Rider
Thinking back to those days, the former students could not help but recall all of the crazy things they used to do. They would do a checklist of all the things they could remember. With this group, you could have found a stolen Christmas Tree in the men's bathroom, a brick through a BMV window, an unclean Hardee's shirt, that same unclean Iron Maiden shirt, and a gray shirt. A wrecked Camaro, death, prison, homelessness, insanity, Rock Bottom, and war. Maybe somewhere along the lines something ordinary finally happened, but, it had been suggested that the route of Stanley always altered the course of humanity. Just as they were all scheduled for this reunion, perhaps many years prior, they were also destined to be with each other, no matter how much some of them allegedly hated it.
40. Dog Faced Hermans
Hum of Life
As Conley was travelling to the reunion, he began to reflect on his former days, before he got that bitch knocked up and had to deal with her ass. He was attempting to think of a different story to tell about how he had a harem of women who all lust for him. Like Workman with his alcoholic beverages, Conley feels that boasting an array of women he has slept with gives him prestige. However, Conley did time in the asylum, and part of treatment required medications that altered his thought patterns. It could have been just a flashback, or it could have been a reaction to the fact that Conley was already considering delving into the patterns that put him in the asylum in the first place.
Around the same moment he had devised a lie that would brag about he being a womanizer, he was afflicted with intense paranormal delusional activity. He sat on the bus, trying to snap out of the nightmare that now surrounded him. Conley was on the verge of freaking out completely, when it suddenly stopped. This effect would reoccur as often as necessary.
Due to his own psychological issues, Foster felt as if he never fit in anywhere. Part of him wished he would have gone to a different school where he could have fraternized amongst people exactly like him. But, there weren't any like him that he ever found. His attempts to move were all failures, and he felt as if he did not belong anywhere. Even now that he is married, and half of the members of this marriage remain perfectly content, he feels as if he doesn't even belong with Meta. It's as if he is waiting the moment when she finally divorces him and throws him out. This is the failure he has prepared himself for, and he anticipates it will happen soon. Most men find Meta beautiful, intelligent, some even the perfect woman. At any moment, she could have a guy with a sound mind, a better body, who makes more money. Foster views himself as such an extreme failure that he does deserve any sort of happiness whatsoever.
"Nervous Energy" 4:50
The backdoor burst open and somebody barged in. Helton immediately turned the corner and fired. Remaining calm, Foxworth simply ducked, avoiding the bullet. "Hello Helton."
The two laughed, shook hands, hugged. Helton discussed the situation and how he wound up in this mess in the first place. Grandpa attempted to enter from the backdoor next. He fired his pistol, missed, and Helton shot him in the head.
"Ow! God dammit, the little faggot shot me!"
Blood was spewing out of Grandpa's head, and starting to squirt massive quantities into the air. Gail put her hand over the wound, but blood continued to spill from beneath her fingers, and spurt noisily from underneath her hands. Soon, Gail too was covered in blood.
The shop owner came to the scene with a Band-Aid, and was able to cover Grandpa's bullet wound to the head. Occasionally, blood would still trickle from the bandage.
37. Vampire Rodents
Toronto, ON Canada
Together, Foxworth and Helton tried to come up with a plan for escape. This would require something original, a mastermind strategy, for this place was surrounded and it was their territory. They did not want a war, just to leave. A car screeched out in the street and recklessly entered the scene; running over Peanut Claiborne. Peanut was completely submerged beneath the tire, screaming in pain, flailing his arms for help. The tire was pinned over his chest, and the rest of the group tried to free Peanut simply by pulling on his arms- assuming they could just yank him out. As they tugged harder, blood spilled from Peanut's mouth, and he spit up a massive amount of blood on the people attempting to dislodge him.
36. Deity Guns
"The Map" 6:25
Trans Lines Appointment
Most of these people are extremely strong due to intense farming labor, and pulled as hard as they could. The vehicle was too heavy, and rather than slide Peanut Claiborne out from underneath the car, his torso was severed and he was ripped completely in half. They pulled the top of him over to the side, and his legs remained under the car.
"Shit!" said the top portion of Peanut Claiborne looking over at his legs underneath, "that fucking hurt!" He was able to laugh it off, and Roger and Harold joked with him. The shop owner came over with Peanut's bottom half and a roll of duct tape, scooched Peanut's top and bottom halves together, and wrapped him up in duct tape. Peanut stood up, walked around, and examined his waist, which was wrapped in several layers of the silver duct tape.
The alligator got out of the car.
35. Secret Shine
"Suck Me Down" 5:15
LeeRoy entered the house and greeted Helton and Foxworth with a pleasant smile. They looked confused, but the alligator seemed friendly enough. "Come on," LeeRoy told them, "we have to get the fuck out of here." The group was in the process of duct taping Peanut Claiborne when LeeRoy, Helton, and Foxworth simply walked out unnoticed. Stanley had passed up his exit, and had to turn around- altering the balance just enough for them not to be spotted. Like in high school, Foxworth called "shotgun", Helton preferred to ride in the back anyway. LeeRoy started up the car and took off. They were spotted, and the crowd chased after the car. In the midst of running, the duct tape became unsealed and Peanut Claiborne fell apart and split in half again.
"Damn it Peanut!" yelled the shop owner, "that's two rolls of duct tape you owe me now!"
34. Егор и Опизденевшие
"Зря вы это всё" 7:56
Сто Лет Одиночества
Popeye walked to the reunion. Being as he was homeless, the journey was not too far outside his usual comfort routine. For the trip, he would bum change from strangers and pick up coins off the side of the road. It was a long walk, and he simply appeared as a vagabond carrying a 40 ouncer of King Cobra. It had been years since Popeye had any sort of meaningful existence. He did have friends, street people just like himself. Gradually, he lost contact with all of those who may have had any concern with him, and eventually was but a distant memory- people rarely even thought of him- just another bum on the streets. As Popeye began to drink himself into yet another stupor, there was some sort of a bitterness and sorrow for the way things may have once been. What will they think of me now? Ah, fuck 'em! He blurted out loud, to nobody, although everybody heard him. I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. Just going in, going out, fuck 'em!
33. Zeni Geva
Desire For Agony
Kreger, in his black clothes and dark sunglasses, violated every traffic law on his way to the reunion- even though he was not in a hurry to get anywhere. With his windows down, and the stereo blasted, Kreger simply enjoyed driving fast and dangerously. As he was flying down the road, he passed somebody who looked familiar to him. Looking in the rear view mirror, he glanced back, and immediately recognized who it was. He slammed on his brakes, put it in reverse (yet another violation of a traffic ordinance), and backed all the way to the vagabond walking down the road. Popeye looked up at him and wondered what in the fuck this asshole was up to.
Kreger pulled up to Popeye, rolled down the window and yelled out for him.
That was a name he had not heard in a long time.
"Get in, it's me- Kreger. From class."
"Kreger? What the fuck?
32. Trumans Water
"Ossinaxx at Long Last" 4:15
Spasm Smash XXXOXOX Ox and Ass
San Diego, CA/Portland, OR
It was definitely an unlikely companionship, the two were never really that incredibly close to begin with; although they had no choice but to know each fairly well due to the fact they spent so much time together in lab class. "Are you on your way to the reunion?" No shit, me too. So how have you been? Do you remember that time...? Popeye/Keith Brown did not even hear the rest of it. Once upon a time he was at least noticed as something besides a degenerate bum, a worthless drunk, a disgruntled derelict. It was just like that, the bottle of booze no longer had any appeal to him. "Hey man," he asked Kreger kindly, "I've been kind of fucked up lately- long story I guess. Do you care if we stop somewhere so I can get cleaned up a little bit, I don't want to go there looking like this."
31. Omnia Opera
"Floating Settee" 8:22
"Hey guys," LeeRoy the alligator asked Helton and Foxworth, "remember Mrs. Hatcher?" They did. "Yea, well, I ate that fat bitch." It was quiet for a second, but then Helton and Foxworth erupted with laughter. LeeRoy sort of smiled, but refrained from laughing. "Let me tell you guys something, when I ate her, she was 60 some odd years old. Of those 60 plus years, what did you guys know her for? Nine months maybe? You guys didn't like her though, did you?" LeeRoy spoke calmly and pleasantly to his new friends as he explained the situation. "You mostly did not like her because she was fat, you let appearance dictate her personal attributes. I bet you can't even remember one thing she actually did wrong to you personally, nothing that could be considered a personal attack. It's the same reasons you never opened up to Smithers, or Perkins. Smithers is a killer now, it’s what he feels he has to do to give his children the opportunity he never had. Perkins is a potential killer too, except he just wants to kill himself (laughs). Truth be known, Mrs. Hatcher wasn't always fat. Just like you guys, she encountered some hardships in life, some shit that was difficult to deal with."
30. Flying Saucer Attack
"The Drowners" 4:34
Hell, you guys have jobs of your own now...and you constantly complain about the petty bullshit you have to deal with. Bothersome customers, complaints, your boss is a prick. Shit, half the time you don't even feel like going- wish you had the day off. You don't have to put up with nearly a quarter of the bullshit Mrs. Hatcher had to deal with. And speaking of annoying customers, (LeeRoy smiles and giggles again), well, that would be you guys. Your whole class. Just imagine if a group of customers came in where you work and acted the way you guys did in her class. Shit, you'd go home and cry. You'd probably quit your job, take the easy way out, and find something else. Or, you would call security and have the customers removed from the store. I don't recall Mrs. Hatcher ever calling security, and rarely sent any student to the Principal's office. Remember the principal? That prick. Imagine having him as your boss...and you all as your customers. How do you like your job now?
29. Mazzy Star
"So Tonight That I Might See" 7:20
So Tonight That I Might See
Los Angeles, CA
Did you know that in order to be a teacher, you have to go to college? In case you two never realized this, there are a lot of fine ass babes in college. Some guys, that's the only reason they go. In college, which took place far outside the nine months you guys knew her, but in college, Mrs. Hatcher was fine as fuck! If you guys would have known her then, you'd have been too stupid to even speak to her. Yea, she was way out of your leagues. You'd have looked at her, stuttered, then went home and jacked off- is what you would have done. Furthermore, she graduated, and went to graduate school getting further educated. So yes, Mrs. Hatcher was smoking hot, and she was far more intelligent than any of those bimbos you guys can only go for after they've been drinking. You have to remember too, that Mrs. Hatcher taught English- which is by far the most liberal degree there is. Just because she was fat, you all assumed that Mrs. Hatcher was some goody goody religious nut. Truth is, she was far more righteous than anyone in your whole class.
28. Paul Westerberg
"Knockin' on Mine" 3:45
Aside from Taylor, and possibly Kreger or Pennington because they never hung out with you all, the rest of your class was losers back then. The only thing you based somebody's personality upon was how much beer they could drink, how much dope they could smoke, how they tripped on acid, how they violated the school's policy- hell raisers as they were called. I know you too don't support all of that now. Did you know Keith Brown is homeless? He goes by Popeye these days, he drinks more now in each day than what you guys would drink at your most wild parties. So, is he super cool now? A hell raiser? Nope. $50 says if you saw him on the street bumming change, you would not even give him a quarter. Workman is a raging alcoholic too. Vastine got locked up for 287 years- hell raiser now huh. Haggerty's dead, Crist disappeared, a couple of you's been in and out of the asylum. Foster's so big of a loser, he is trying to be a failure; he doesn't have the balls to do what Mrs. Hatcher ever did. She was trying to do something that mattered, once upon a time did, but eventually succumbed to failure. At least she had the balls to try. And, at least she was able to stick through the tough times. But, do you know what it is like to be that passionate about something- and then be despised. Just think if you went to work and every one of the customers hated you...for what seemed no reason at all.
"Holy Mountain" 8:44
Sleep's Holy Mountain
San Jose, CA
One person in your class knows what this like, and unless you have ever experienced this, you have no clue whatsoever what it is like. Mrs. Hatcher had a daughter- cute girl too. She was cute because she had her mother's looks. When she was 16, just a few years before you all reached her, Mrs. Hatcher's lovely daughter was killed in an automobile accident. It was a most devastating tragedy, and poor Mrs. Hatcher obviously struggled in dealing with it. After her daughter was killed, she lost an enormous amount of interest in her daily activities. Overwhelmed with sorrow and sadness, Mrs. Hatcher sat at home at nights and cried herself to sleep. This is when she started eating more, this is when the excessive weight was added to those thighs. But, being an astute highly educated woman, Mrs. Hatcher proceeded with life anyway. Educating young people was important to her, and she tried the best she could. Losing a daughter is something that nobody overcomes.
26. Biohazard & Onyx
"Judgment Night" 4:37
Judgment Night Soundtrack
New York, NY
Hell, you guys have jobs. You know what it is like when you are having personal problems outside of work and co-workers and customers become even more annoying; sometimes unbearable. She was pretty much still in mourning, and her personal issues were too much for any person to comfortably deal with, and expect to go to work unscathed. With her in this condition, did any of you guys ever reach out to her? Who, by the way, was more against government and laws far more than those precious hell raisers you admired. No. You judged her for being fat, and treated her like shit.
It grew somber in the car. "Man," Helton said out loud, "I feel like shit now."
LeeRoy just laughed out loud. "It's cool, don't worry about it. Shit, she's educated with an English degree, she understands. You remember that crazy fuck Stanley?"
They snickered, "yea, what's he up to?"
"Somebody decided that crazy fool should be in charge of altering the entire course of humanity."
"Yup, so right as I ate Mrs. Hatcher, he got stopped by a crossing guard when there wasn't even anybody crossing the street. That caused some sort of crazy bullshit, and now Mrs. Hatcher is living inside of me."
"So, you're Mrs. Hatcher?"
It was strange for a moment.
"Wow Mrs. Hatcher," Helton leaned up from the backseat and put his hand on the alligators shoulder just to let him know he was only kidding, "I must say, you lost some weight."
"I'm totally just kidding, for real. Just lightening things up."
They laughed. With a jolly smile on his face, LeeRoy said, "you better careful now mother fuckers, I got teeth and instead of sending you to the Principal's office, I'll just eat your monkey asses."
The group laughed non-stop into the sunset. It was a fun moment.
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Bottom Image by: Memegenerator