Part 1: The World Was Actually a Better Place Without Him
Part 2: Deletion Addiction
Part 3: Submission Requests
Part 4: Night of the Party
Part 5: Aftermath: Shootout at The Cheese Bar
Part 6: Online Dating
Part V: Aftermath: Shootout at The Cheese Bar
For best results, press play on the image below to follow the stories with the music.
50. The Black Crowes
"Jealous Again" 4:37
Shake Your Money Maker
Raymond, 6:44 PM. My ex, which is what she is now, went out to some party last night and didn't even come home. I didn't even get invited. Fuck her. I'm tired of this shit, she's always going out, getting drunk, runnin' around, I ain't got time for this shit. Let her go off with her other guys. Fuck it. I'll show her. I got this Internet thing here, they got these online dating sites. I can find me a girl right here, I don't need that bitch.
49. The Sundays
"My Finest Hour" 3:57
Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic
London, England/Manchester, England
Julianne, 6:53 PM. So yea, like, I went out last night. It's just too crazy anymore. One minute we are all fine, next minute, people are getting into fights, these weirdo guys like totally creep me out. I don't even want to talk to these dudes, like, gross. All I want to do is have fun, you know, like meet somebody cool. So yea, I'm going to do this online dating thing you know. I created a profile and like all these guys are talking to me now. There's so many of them, but I've been talking to this one lately...we are just alike I think.
48. Happy Mondays
Pills 'n' Thrills and Bellyaches
Keith, 4:59 AM. All right, this has been a fucked up night, to say the least. We got lost, way lost. Couldn't find the car. Brian is passed out, covered in sewage, and we still have no clue where we are. Jon keeps insisting I turn, he don't know where the fuck we're going- keeps harping some bullshit about this is where his cousin used to live. The shootings fucked shit up, we heard the shots, the cops, we just got the fuck out of there. Now, I'm trying to think back, how did we get here? I'm trying to recollect the evening. There was the dope, fine smelling dope, that's when we got trashed. I have to remember before the weed. Back at the party, things were fun, it was happening. That was the party...then what?
47. The La's
"There She Goes" 2:42
Keith, 4:59 AM, recollecting 11:58 PM. There was a girl at that party. We were giving each other the eye, she was hot, I would like to have got next to her. Fuck, I didn't even talk to her. She looked up at me, as if I should, I stood by her group, it just never came up. But, I remember her talking to her friends. They were all going to some bar. They asked where the bar was, there was directions to it. It was Vic's. I remember, because I was thinking Vic's was on the street we were on coming in, and that would be the landmark. Good thinking. Now, all I have to do now, is find Vic's. Because, I think listening to Jon, we've been driving in circles, because I've seen this same house about 12 times now.
46. The Clean
"Drawing to a Hole" 2:05
Dunedin, New Zealand
Melanie, 12:47 AM. Yea, so we left the party. It was fun, yea, but we wanted to go out. We wanted to dance, you know, just be out. So, over by Ryan's house is this place called Vic's. We got there, it was super sketch. It's like all these fucking biker dudes, all these black guys, they're all like fighting over us, we were the only 4 girls in there. We just wanted to dance, you know. It was this little hole in the wall, but we were like fuck it, ya know, we were getting free drinks out of the deal.
45. The House of Love
Robert, 1:29 AM. I go to Vic's every night, just to hang out, all by myself. They usually got a band, fairly packed house, its dark usually. Everybody knows me, normally. Sometimes, I don't know anybody. Even though I don't know anybody, I still don't leave, I don't go anywhere else, ever. I'm like a piece of fucking furniture in there. I go home, and I smell like that fucking place. Sometimes it’s a mixed crowd. Tonight, some biker rock band was playing. All these bikers show up and get fucking trashed. They all stayed after the band was done, so did I. These 4 girls came in, I think I could've fucked one of them, she walked by me and said excuse me, right to me.
44. A Tribe Called Quest
"Push it Along" 7:42
People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm
New York, NY
Reggie, 1:36 AM. Me and my cat always be hanging up at Vic's. Yea, the place gets a little fucked up, but so do we. We go other places, and they throw us out. Admittedly, we got a rep. So what, we do dope, we sell coke, people fuck wit us, they get the shit slapped out of 'em. It's like we can't even goes to a normal place. Like, we ain't no champagne sippin niggaz. Fuck that shit! And fuck these crackers rolling up into our place thinking they own the mother fucker and shit. You know, me and my homies is just hangin' in the back, minding our own mother fucking business, toking on some kind, just chillin'. We don't want nothin' from none of these mother fuckers. And they keep talkin' shit. Just keep talkin'!
43. The Darkside
"Waiting for the Angels" 5:15
All That Noise
Brian, 5:22 AM. Where the fuck are we? I must have blacked out. I don't remember shit. It's still dark, what the fuck time is it? 5:22. Ah fuck. I was supposed to be home around 1 or 2. OK, like why are we still in the car, parked. Keith is asleep. Jon is asleep in the back. Try to think. Shit, everything is spinning again. I tried to wake up Keith, he just told me to shut the fuck up. It smells like pot in here. And sewage. Don't think about that. Just let the world spin, nicely, delve into those strange delusional images that come with the spinning, we like this. Just kick back, relax, go back to sleep, in that other world. Fuck this one for now. Little images of illuminated bright green rhinos running single file through a maze, can they get to the end?
42. The Jazz Butcher
"Girl Go" 5:58
Cult of the Basement
Jon, 5:23 AM. This is why I never call shotgun. In case you all got too fucked up to go anywhere, I have the most comfortable bed. In the backseat, I get in those light sleeps. Not a deep sleep, I could wake up at anytime, but just in a state of relaxation, laying back, stoned, and just listening to the music, thinking about things. Keith has a good car stereo, good taste in music. Fucking cock-blocker. I was kind of asleep, thinking about that girl at the concert. Maybe I should have just let Keith have her. It beats the image of the ones that were sitting on the curb crying because somebody got shot. That shit's fucked up. And so close to where my cousin used to live.
41. The Dead C
"Phantom Power" 6:11
Dunedin, New Zealand
Keith, 5:24 AM. I'm leaned back in my seat. Truthfully, I'm still as stoned now as I was before, I was like totally sober for about 20 minutes because of the shooting. Then, I felt like I wasted a lot of my buzz trying to figure out where to go, sucks to be the driver. Now though, fuck it. I ain't even going to worry about it, ain't shit I can do now. I'm just going to lean back in my seat, relax, listen to some tunes, try to tune out the smell of Brian. The fucker just woke up and asked me a question I don't even know what the hell he said. I'm in my own world right now, no care in the world. I think that weed had something in it, because I've never been this stoned. Something's in my head, it's like I can hear Jon's thoughts, I looked back at him, he's laying in the back, he opened his eyes right when I looked back. I uttered to him, 'your fucking cousin doesn’t live anywhere near here, I doubt he even knows about that shooting.' He looked at me funny. Fuck it, back to my little dreamland mother fuckers. I lay here with a smile now.
40. Sun City Girls
"Cafe Batik" 2:46
Torch of the Mystics
5:27 AM, Keith's car. This song comes on. Both Jon and Brian are not all the way asleep, but it deep zoned out states, with mild hallucinations/vivid dream like images. After about a minute or so of this song, it starts to really fuck with their heads. The images in their mind become so bizarre, they almost freak out. Brian sits up. Keith is still laying in his sleep, totally relaxed, he's used to this. Jon gets up after a vivid image of a person holding a gun jolts him out of his sleep. Jon wakes up Keith, "what the fuck is this shit." Keith, "it's your mama, you cock-blocker, now go back to sleep. I'm busy thinking about very important shit." Jon leaned up and changed the song. Brian laughed slightly, then passed back out. After the song is changed, Keith uttered, "fucker", but did not move.
"Когда твоя девушка больна" 4:21
Кино (Чёрный альбом) (The Black Album)
St. Petersburg, Russia
Keith, 7:36 AM. Shit, the sun's up. I must have dozed off. These other two are asleep. I'm still feeling a little buzzed, but not too bad. That was some good shit. I try not to wake those two up, start the car, and head out. What a night we had. In the daytime, not stoned, I can remember how we came in; quite easily actually, I have no idea how I forgot this last night. I pulled in, got some coffee. It was a whole another world now, at this hour. Gas station coffee sucks, but does the trick. Got some gas. The gas station was right across from Vic's. So, we must have been behind Vic's. There were still cop cars at Vic's, police tape around the parking lot. There were a bunch of police out there. Everybody in line was talking to the cashier about a shootout that went on there last night. I'm going to try to forget about it, not my neighborhood, just go home.
38. The Waterboys
"Something That is Gone" 3:17
Room to Roam
Melanie, 8:46 AM. I tried to get to sleep, but couldn't. I just keep replaying the night over and over in my head. What the fuck were we even doing there in the first place? Once everybody started acting stupid and getting into fights, we should have just left. I've never been exposed to that type of stuff, ever. I was only out for Pauline's 21st birthday, we just wanted to dance. I didn't really know her friend that well, the one that got shot, Helen. Shit, I hope she is going to be okay. From here on, I'm staying in the suburbs with my high school friends, we don't shoot at each other.
"Little Bit" 4:09
Effete and Impudent Snobs
Ryan, 9:43 AM. I can't believe that shit happened right by my house. What's worse is I can't believe someone who was here last night ended up getting shot too. Luckily, she didn't die, at least I don't think. She seemed pretty cool too; my girlfriend was hanging out with her for awhile. My girlfriend went home before it all went down, she don't even know yet. Guess I better tell her. I can't help but feel bad about that girl, I wish she would have stayed here, and not went there.
"Avalyn 1" 4:52
Howard and Martha were celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. As a reminder of the old days, they bought some of this amazing pot that had been going around town. It had been over ten years since they smoked any weed, and a couple puffs off this, they were blitzed. The two older people were walking around downtown, in a haze, for, they were now so stoned they forgot what they were even celebrating. They were significantly older than the rest of the drunken idiots downtown, did not wish to hang out with them, so they stumbled into...get this... a place called The Cheese Bar, which some people seemed to be avoiding. It was a peculiar place to be this stoned, it was busy, full of strange people; tourists mostly. Fucking freaks, old people, like them, but not stoned.
35. Pale Saints
"Sight of You" 5:38
The Comforts of Madness
Howard and Martha just ordered a beer, then sat there stoned out of their minds observing the rest of the crowd. Most of them were seated at tables, or at the bar, with silly looking smiles on their faces, talking about cheese, asking questions. The employees seemed busy, too busy to really discuss matters with the patrons. It was a nice place, even though somebody had busted the toilet and water was flooding from the bathroom. While they were enjoying their lengthy wedding anniversary, a young couple was seated at the other end of the bar. He said something her and she went off and yelled at him. She dumped his ass right there at the cheese bar. This guy looked so pathetic. The girl upped and left, Howard thought about this guy.
34. The Jesus and Mary Chain
East Kilbride, Scotland
A couple sat at the table. They had no idea what they were doing. The busy server approached them and asked to take their order. It was their first date; they met on a dating site online. She asked, "What’s good?" The server sarcastically replied "nothing." The male asked, "What do you recommend?" On that note, the server simply took up their menus, and stated, "I'll just order for you. You guys are obviously unable to draw any conclusions on your own. I don't have time for this shit." The guy asked, "Can we..." The server cut him off, "No. This is obviously your first date, and probably your last. So far, you have failed to impress anybody, and if you're impressed with each other, that is even more sad. Whatever I feel like making will be out soon, so sit here and try to salvage some dignity."
33. Sonic Boom
"Lonely Avenue" 3:18
This other dude was in from out of town. He was there by himself, in town by himself. Maybe he was hoping to score, but had been unable to do so, it’s tough to meet people when you are by yourself. All of these other people were paired in couples, except him, all by himself. He found all of the guys in the relationships to be sickening and wondered what any woman could possibly see in these pricks. Seeing them grossed him out. When the couple who couldn't even order started kissing at their table, he nearly threw up all over his bar stool. Old people making out were a gruesome sight. It was happening everywhere. This must be a mating ground for ugly people.
32. Prefab Sprout
"Wild Horses" 3:44
Jordan: The Comeback
One couple was seated at the bar, and stopped the busy server to ask a series of annoying questions. Let me ask you a question, do you guys ship? The server seemed obviously annoyed, and made up some excuse to get away from them. After he left them, wishing he did not have to deal with these degenerate pricks, the couple gazed into each other's eyes, and started kissing loudly at the bar. This took place right in-between the guy seated by himself, and the dude who just got dumped. One was ready to induce vomiting, the other thought about his girlfriend who just left.
31. Aztec Camera
"Over My Head" 5:54
East Kilbride, Scotland
It got quiet for a moment. Then, some music sounded from out of nowhere, soft piano music. The dude, who just got dumped, sat there, trying to hold back the tears. Suddenly, he started singing, some sad song about a broken heart. There was an old picture of a band in the corner, the photo came to life, and the band played music inside the picture that could be heard throughout the bar. The patrons all watched, tilted their heads, and awaited the pretzels, listening to the song. Marilyn got aroused and gave her 63 year old husband a hand job right there at The Cheese Bar. Martha and Howard were baked, this was some strange shit. The dude by himself was wondering what kind of bullshit he just got himself into. Water was flooding from the bathroom at a rapid pace at this moment.
30. Sun Dial
"Magic Flight" 6:32
Other Way Out
Nobody would comfort the guy. Another old, gross couple got aroused. He propped his 64 year old fake plastic surgery looking wife up on the table, lifted her skirt, pulled her panties off to the side, smeared blue cheese on her clit, and went down on her right on the table at The Cheese Bar. This made the broken hearted guy think about the time he did this to his girlfriend who looked like everybody else. The band went into another sad song. Dumped guy sang again, this time pulling out a photo of his girlfriend, he had dated her for 2 weeks, she was gone. But, he still loved her. He walked around the bar, standing in a vast flood of flowing water from the bathroom, streaming out like a fast flowing creek, singing, out loud, to a photo of her. Meanwhile, the other guy whipped it out, and bent the plastic surgery former trophy wife over and proceeded to knock it out at the table.
29. Ali Farka Toure
"Ai Bine" 6:21
Kanau, Mali (1939)-Niafunke, Mali (2006)
"Did you know water is coming out of the bathroom?" "Nope, had no clue." "Let me ask you a question, do you guys ship," he had the nerve to ask while he was pounding his wife's ass right in the restaurant, fucker looked just like Bob Barker. The band changed tunes. There was no way to fix the bathroom, answer all these questions, and deal with all these people. He had her faced buried in a cheese plate, hitting it from behind, while the band played. More people came in, just ignored them. "Can we get cheese here? At The Cheese Bar?" No. It was getting to be too much. The stoned couple downed another beer. Water from the bathroom was flowing like a river, things were starting to float. As the band played in the photograph, water poured into the picture too. The people in the photograph were causing a stir, so were the people in the bar.
28. Jane's Addiction
"Classic Girl" 5:08
Ritual de lo Habitual
It was a huge wall sized photograph, an old photo, of a time long ago. The crowd looked unhappy, but they should have been safe in that cell. Where was the flood coming from in the photo, maybe the same place it was coming from at the bar...the bathroom, where some lunatic disconnected a pipe. The water got so deep, a large statue of a cow floated, first just twirling around in circle. It was swept up by the current, and crashed into a table, the table where some old dude was nailing his trophy wife. As the pipes continued to burst, the floating cow began to wreak havoc, crashing into tables, smashing into the door, breaking the glass, sending water out into the streets.
27. Sonic Youth
"Titanium Exposé" 6:25
New York, NY
A floating cow was in the picture. They were attempting to run from the cow, unlike the imbeciles at the bar. Right as the glass door busted, a cow sprung from the photo and charged recklessly into the bar, kicking over tables, running rampant, destroying everything. All the people in the photograph spilled into the bar as water had flooded the photo...water flowed from the picture on the wall like a water fall. People were drenched. The patrons at the bar complained about the people in the picture. The cow that had come to life busted out the main window and ran rampant on the streets. A stampede formed, so many people on the busy street injured or killed. The cows ran through the street demolishing cars, busting windows, attacking people.
26. Гражданская Оборона
Инструкция по выживанию (Instructions For Survival)
One of the guys from the photo ripped the plate of cheese that trophy wife had her face buried in and busted it over her husband's head; jumped on top of him, and started stuffing blue cheese into his mouth. A lady from the photo kicked the trophy wife in the stomach and beat her face into the table. Somebody drew a gun and fired a shot. Back in those days, they all carried guns. Chairs were being broke over heads, people were being slammed over tables, breaking them. When they all started shooting, people were ducked behind turned over tables, like a fort, firing back. One lady was throwing cheese curds at people. It was total chaos. The cows came back. People shot at the cows, but it was no use. The cows stomped every single person in the place, shot a few of them execution style, and took the madness into the streets. Outside, the war zone lasted long into the night.
Top Image: 1920's Photo of Turner Hall on Display @ The Cheese Bar
Bottom Image By: Cheezburger.com