The Top 50 Songs of 1985

The Top 150 Songs of 1985 + Done: With Errors on the Page
Part 1: Penny, The Girl with Herpes
Part 2: Hercules and His Motorcycle
Part 3: People Not Taking Any Shit Whatsoever
Part 4: Different Exposures to Reality
Part 5: The Comforting Warmth of Disillusionment
Part 6: An Incomplete Process that Proceeded Anyway

Part V: The Comforting Warmth of Disillusionment

Press play to listen to these bad mugs.

50. Simple Minds
"Alive and Kicking"  4:46
Once Upon a Time
Glasgow, Scotland

Using the cash he had been saving up for years, Bernard stopped by the city zoo on the way home from work and purchased a live gorilla. The two embarked on an incredible journey until one day out of the blue, the gorilla, named Doris, pounced on Bernard in the hotel room they were staying and smashed one of his fingers. Doris then legally changed her name to Vanessa.

49. New Order
"Face Up"  5:07
Low Life
Manchester, England

Wayne loved Beverly so much that he wanted to turn her into a fish in order to save her from the great flood which he foresaw coming any day now.

48. The Cult
"Revolution"  5:27
London, England

Having decided they would better off without the burdens and judgments, every single person in the world decided government and religion was no longer needed; suddenly all of society was an advanced culture, great bands were able to headline major festivals, currency as a means of trade was disbanded, and Herbie the rattlesnake has his first contact with humans, and won a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Rattlesnake in a comedy/musical.

47. Dinosaur Jr.
"Severed Lips"  4:03
Amherst, MA

From 1973-1985, Todd and his love partner, Inflatable Sally, seemed to be getting burnt out on the Roxy Music classic "In Every Dream Home a Heartache", and the guitar playing of J. Mascis seemed to spice things up in the now bedroom of bewilderment.

46. Tom Waits
"Time"  3:56
Rain Dogs
Pomona, CA

Eric and Nancy had several good memories, and although she wasn't guilty of any one thing in particular, Eric broke up with her because, after two years, she simply got on his nerves.

45. Гражданская Оборона (Grazhdanskaya Oborona)
"На наших глазах"  3:10  ("Before Our Eyes")
Оптимизм (Optimism)
Omsk Omsk, Russia

All he had to do was sit at home in a bath robe and watch his bank account grow. Instead, he opted to come into work every day, lose money, irritate his staff, anger the customers, and eventually was sued for sexual harassment and lost everything.

44. The Dukes of Stratosphear
"Your Gold Dress"  4:42
25 O' Clock
Swindon, England

When desperate for sexual affection, human beings will often enter places and engage in activities that they generally would have absolutely nothing to do with under normal circumstances.

43. Almir Sater
"Corumba"  3:53
Campo Grande, Brazil

During walks, Tinkerbell, a wiener dog born in the Bronx but later relocated to Ogden, Utah, would often observe the mannerisms of the other white people in which surrounded him. Tinkerbell vowed to someday publish a novel titled "Views From the Leash."

42. Caroliner
"One Proud Watertower Wearing Lipstick"  3:06
Rear End Hernia Puppet Show
San Francisco, CA

In the United States, products which are believed to cause euphoric reactions, tend to have more demand in the consumer market than those products which do nothing for the mind. Any rumor of improving sexual performance will immediately enhance its public appeal.

41. Butthole Surfers
"Moving to Florida"  4:33
Cream Corn From the Socket of Davis
Austin, TX

On average, and at all given times throughout the day, roughly 26% of the world's population are at least mildly irritated about a pesky annoyance they wish they wish they were never subjected. 81% of these annoyances are either work related, or problems in a relationship. Finally, they get fed up with it all, and moved somewhere else to get away from the same old bullshit, just to deal with the same old bullshit but in a different place.

40. Sonic Youth
"Death Valley '69"  5:22
Bad Moon Rising
New York, NY

Donahue often fantasized about the day his cousin Pauline would come over drunk and pass out topless on the couch, like she had done to every other member of his family. Even though they were related, he often thought about how much he would like to hit that someday. He had been faced with a moral struggle since birth deciding whether or not to ever pursue it.

39. Daniel Johnston
"Go"  4:22
Waller, TX

Though all was going well, Barney still felt something was lacking. He remembered. It was Anna. He didn't know her name, just happened to see her at a Pizza Hut while travelling to New Castle, IN from Austin, TX. Unsure who she was, or where she was even from, Barney sacrificed everything in order find that one true love. It wasn't a long journey after all. He never found Anna, but shacked up with lady upstairs while he was asking her to water his plants while he was away. He never even left and they have been married 31 years.

38. Michael Kamen
"Brazil"  3:27
Brazil Soundtrack
New York, NY-London, England

As far as the rest of the world could tell, Henry was a happy person who always displayed a positive cheerful attitude. In actuality, Henry's problems were beginning to escalate and his perilous life was spinning out of his control. How long would this misery last? It seemed forever.

37. Sumo
"No Duermas Más"  3:04
Divididos Por La Felicidad
Hurlingham, Argentina

Disgusted with going to the same old places every single weekend, Phyllis finally ditched those hoes she had been hanging with and went out and had some real fun.

36. Fellini
"Rock Europa"  3:45
O Adeus De Fellini
Sao Paulo, Brazil

In Muncie, Indiana, a golden retriever who calls himself Germ Destroyer on the streets, vows that he will be able to someday enjoy the "good life"; meaning he'll have a yacht, a huge doghouse with indoor plumbing, and be eating the good dog food out of a can.

35. Partibrejkers
"Veceras"  3:06
Partibrejkers I
Beograd, Serbia

Although moderately sad about seeing her go away, he couldn't help but feel joy in the new independence that was coming his way. And ultimately, he no longer would have to deal with her annoyances.

34. Sielun Veljet
"L'amour"  4:02
Joensuu, Finland

One evening, while travelling home at a speed he considered safe, Rodriguez decided he wasn't going to slow down for the police officer parked in the median taking radar. In fact, he even refused to stop when the officer attempted to pull him over. He simply drove on home, and calmly went inside to take a shit. He read a health and beauty magazine in the bathroom.

33. Psyclones
"Bigger Better"  4:08
Cult Leader Gang-Raped By Disciples
Eureka, CA

Henry demonstrated the potion he concocted and transformed himself into a fish in order to prove his love to Beverly. However, once he turned into a fish, the other patrons in the restaurant went into a state of panic; chaos ensued and everybody hastily fled from the establishment screaming in terror.

32. Kilslug
"Make it Rain"  3:11
Answer the Call
Boston, MA

Moments after being crowned prom queen, lightning struck, thunder roared, Juliette placed the crown on her head, removed her prom dress revealing her silky breasts and the automatic assault rifle she had concealed in her white stockings. She then opened fire on the other prom queen contestants, the judges, and on Marty, who had refused to pick her up from the Laundromat that previous summer.

31. Einsturzende Neubauten
"Halber Mensch"  4:12
1/2 Mensch
Berlin, Germany

And so demons rose from the pits of the underground, and brought with them all of the Oompa Loompas from the chocolate factory. Together, they destroyed the Earth.

30. Pentagram
"The Deist"  3:48
Relentless (Originally S/T)
Arlington, VA

Everything WAS completely normal in the small village of Picotico Bay, nowhere near any bay in South Dakota; that is, until that one day a mysterious guitar sounded through the streets. Afterwards, the townsfolk began acting strangely, even altered the way they walk.

29. The Godz
"Fool For You"  3:28
I'll Get You Rockin'
Columbus, OH

It was getting late, both were about to give up, but right when this song came on, Vern spotted Tonya across the bar and made eye contact with her. They shared a dance and then made out on top of the copy machine that had mysteriously found its way into the women's bathroom.

28. Christian Death
"When I Was Bed"  5:29
Los Angeles, CA

Not all of his memories were good ones. In fact, some plagued him and had a deep, negative, dark, and brooding impact on his present; the future too will be affected.

27. Joe Walsh
"The Confessor"  7:07
The Confessor
Wichita, KS/Studio City, CA

In order to create conversation, she spoke of a television going into a garage where the guys, whoever the fuck they may be, could watch the Brewer's game, while "us girls" are in the kitchen cooking. Finding the asinine comment grotesquely sexist and excruciatingly lame, he thanked Jesus when the food arrived and he no longer needed to pretend to be interested.

26. Roky Erickson
"Burn The Flames"  6:01
The Return of the Living Dead
Austin, TX

It could be determined that, without government, people from all over the world would probably get along better and be able travel easier. One day, people will declare their own personal liberty, and simply stop listening to the government and ignore them completely. And on that day, their buildings will be lit up in flames, and we'll sit around and laugh while we watch it burn; roasting marshmallows in the remains of what used to be a historical monument known as The White House.

NC-17 Soundtraxxx SONGS OF 1985:  150-126  125-101  100-76  75-51  50-26  25-#1

Top Image by Deviant Art
Bottom Image By: DonalForeman

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