Chapter 1: The Great Thomas Pilsbury Film
Chapter 2: Sex Vs. Violence
Chapter 3: Extravagant Footage From the Motherland
Chapter 4: Animal Rights Activation
Chapter III: Extravagant Footage From the Motherland
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
"Sunshine Superman" 4:33
While Thomas Pilsbury was on an excursion in Africa videotaping various animal species mating in the wild, Ned did not think to pay any of his bills for him. As a result, the bank foreclosed on his home and sent the repo people over to house to take all of his personal belongings; this is what they do. Once inside, they were stunned to find a massive collection of films showing rabbits having sex in the woods, or in Ned's backyard. Although they had never seen this Pilsbury person, they immediately assumed he was psychotic, far more psychotic than even The Green Lantern. His videos were turned over to the authorities.
49. Lee Dorsey
"Working in a Coal Mine" 2:46
The New Lee Dorsey
New Orleans, LA (1926-1986)
Pilsbury was working night and day attempting to locate various animals so he could film them getting it on. Randomly finding animals mating is not easy; furthermore, just seeing some animals is downright scary. When Thomas first saw a rhinoceros, he was so frightened that he would not even get out of the car. There was no way he was going to follow around anything dangerous. He was basically up all night and day filming rodents.
48. The Tamrons
Marco was a wildebeest, and had a reputation for being a wildebeest in the bedroom also. He was 8 years old, and that is fairly old for a wildebeest. In his 8 years of existence, he had fucked over 100 other wildebeests. Part of him wanted to settle down, but there were so many other hot ass wildebeests in this herd, he wanted to fuck every single one of them. Meagan was the one he had his eye on to get it on with next- he did want to fuck Denise, but she got eaten by a herd of lions the other day.
47. The 4 Instants
The other wildebeests were off participating in a stampede that was in protest to allegations that the ones with the brownish stripe on their tails were being treated unfairly in the community. Marco and Meagan were left all alone near the watering hole. After guzzling down a few drinks and eating a good healthy filling of grass, Marco went over and started sniffing her ass. He whispered a few things into her ear, and next thing you know he was brushing the flies off her hind and mounted on top of her wearing it out right there in the meadow. Pilsbury was able to film the entire thing.
46. Martin Denny
"The Girl from Ipanema" 2:13
Hawaii Goes A Go-Go
New York, NY (1911)-Honolulu, HI (2005)
Todd the leopard had been wandering around aimlessly for years, all by himself. Jessica, another leopard, had been doing the same. By total chance, they happened to bump into each other in the woods where Pilsbury was parked. The moment Todd spotted Jessica, they immediately approached each other. Without saying a word, they sniffed each other, and then fucked right then and there...two complete strangers. After Todd blew his wad in her, Jessica roared at him, and Todd scurried off without even offering to snuggle or child support. Pilsbury wished his own life was exactly like this.
45. The Seekers
"Georgy Girl" 2:20
Come the Day
Georgy the mandrill had always resisted mating, because, after all, she was a female mandrill and always wanted to appear more elegant for the brightly colored males. Although many of her peers found this a taboo act, Georgy finally decided to shave her ass and dye it blue. After the transformation and the world saw the new Georgy mandrill, in an act equally taboo, Clifford found her attractive and nailed it up in a tree. Comparisons suggest that this would be similar to having sex with a transvestite; Clifford first claimed he was just drunk, but later came out and confessed his love for Georgy. They are now considered pioneers in the mandrill civil rights history.
44. The Sonics
"Jenny, Jenny" 2:16
Being a gerbil in Africa does command a lot of respect. Instead, it means that these little creatures have to hurry up to accomplish anything they desire because they could be eaten or trampled at any moment. Even though Zxyloid was considered a playa throughout the savanna, his technique was hardly refined, as the video would indicate. He had been wanting to get with Jenny for about the 7 hours and figured he had to do this soon for there had been warthogs spotted in the region who would consider Zxyloid and Jenny snacks. Zxyloid scurried around Jenny at a frantic pace, sniffed, and nervously humped her like a 12 year old virgin kid on top of his aunt Debbie.
43. Grant Green
"Street of Dreams" 9:05
Street of Dreams
St. Louis, MO (1931)-New York, NY (1979)
Pilsbury could only imagine the positive change that was getting ready to take place in the world once his latest collection of videos was released to the public. The entire boat ride back home, Pilsbury sat happily in his economy-seating coach dreaming about a famous scientist banging on a wine glass, then proposing a toast to Thomas Pilsbury, the great. He even fantasized about his nemesis Lester Conway getting captured by poachers.
42. Françoise Hardy
"La Maison Où J'Ai Grandi" 3:39
Thomas was shocked when he discovered that his home had been ransacked, all of the tapes stolen, and some family of Lester Conway supporting gorilla poachers living there. The family was shocked too when they arrived home and found Pilsbury digging through all of their drawers searching for some film about rabbits doing it in the wilderness. He informed them that he was a famous scientist and they were trespassing, to get out. To prove he was on official business, he showed the family his film involving the wildebeests. To the family, this was the sickest bastard who had ever entered their home. Both called the police at the same time.
41. The Temptations
"Fading Away" 2:42
Pilsbury called Ned, and Ned had completely forgotten about the study, even asked who was calling. He told Pilsbury that he had not made any mortgage payments and remembers hearing that somebody else bought the house. Ned apologized, but Pilsbury was outraged. He rushed over to Ned's house so he could shout at him, call him names, and possibly even bitch slap him in the living room. When he arrived, Ned was dressed as a woman. Thomas thought he was attempting to disguise himself, but Ned told him that this is how he always dresses these days. His lover Herman was there too.
40. Marvin Gaye
"Your Unchanging Love" 3:11
Moods of Marvin Gaye
Washington, D.C. (1939)- Los Angeles, CA (1984)
Pilsbury had no home, no money, nothing...just a nice collection of animal mating films. It seemed that Ned was no longer interested in funding the project… that is until he showed the film of the mandrills to Ned and Herman. Herman found this portion of the video absolutely riveting, and declared that it proved that homosexuality exists in all animal species; so does cross-dressing. The funding returned, but the education that was being promoted was slightly altered.
39. The Music Machine
"Cherry Cherry" 3:17
(Turn On) The Music Machine
Los Angeles, CA
Ned entered the film committee presentation dressed in drag. Normally he only wore his women's clothes in the evening, but today he decided to wear them all day. The group had no clue what sort of film was being shown, and seemed more interested in the attire of Ned. Once the film began, graphically depicting sexual intercourse between two mandrills, the committee was not sure how to respond. They told all of their friends after work that some guy came in dressed in drag and had a video of two monkeys fucking.
38. Waylon Jennings
"Green River" 2:29
Littlefield, TX (1937)-Chandler, AZ (2002)
Pilsbury had to go to the proper authorities to obtain his personal belongings. All of his stuff had been auctioned off, so he did not owe the mortgage company anything, and downright refused to pay them a single dime. Furthermore, their actions were immoral and unjust; this was a legitimate reason to form a full scale revolt and burn down the establishment. They countered by suggesting that at least they do not have a whole bunch of rabbit sex films. That was all Pilsbury wanted, and luckily they did not sell. The films were returned, but the argument about unethical business practices against rabbit pornography ensued for several minutes.
37. The 13th Floor Elevators
"Splash 1 (Now I'm Home)" 3:56
The Psychedelic Sounds Of The 13th Floor Elevators
Pilsbury had to move in with Ned. Luckily, Ned was a rich man and the house was big enough for him to have his own space. However, he did have go home and find Ned and Herman mating on the coffee table. He knew he would have to seek a new apartment soon. The good thing was that Ned's backyard had become a breeding ground for rabbits. To pass time, he would sit out on the back porch filming rabbits getting it on. Then go inside, and upon reviewing the films, discover that Ned and Herman filmed themselves getting it on also. He was able to compare and contrast two men and two rabbits.
36. The Godz
"White Cat Heat" 4:22
New York, NY
There is a lab in the city that pays people to conduct various experiments on them. The latest experiments involved the usage of LSD, and a group study was being performed to in the lab. Pilsbury showed up with his films. He was led to the room with the projector and screen, and on this day was in the midst of psychedelic lighting and a bunch of people on LSD. The entire scene was a bit weird anyway, but, when the film began showing clips of various animals having sex in the wild, the people experimenting with the LSD could not stop laughing. Neither could the lab doctors, as they assumed Pilsbury was on LSD too.
35. Dick Farney
"Blue Walk" 3:24
Piano e Orquestra Gaya
Rio de Janiero, Brazil (1921)-São Paulo, Brazil (1987)
Pilsbury grew concerned that Ned may be more of a liability than an asset, so he attempted to seek funding from additional sponsors. He held an event in which all the investors in the city were invited to hear about an exciting new program. About 15 people showed up, and many were hoping this was going to be about a new cleaning product that would make the whites even whiter in the laundry. Pilsbury gave a quick speech, and then showed the films. He had spliced them into short clips. Wildebeests bursting with passion were not going to get the laundry any cleaner. The crowd of investors were appalled.
34. Nancy Sinatra
"These Boots" 2:42
Jersey City, NJ
Pilsbury was sitting on Ned's back porch filming rabbits. At once, all the rabbits in the yard stopped what they were doing, they froze; Pilsbury stopped too, looked up from the camera. The music started. Out from the woods, Tonya emerged. Nobody had ever seen her before, and she was sleek, sexy, and moved with swift grace as she strutted across the yard. All of the other rabbits devoted all their attention to her as she pranced across the yard. Pilsbury stared her as well. Outside the house, you could see Ned and Herman peering out the window, checking her out too.
33. The Troggs
"Wild Thing" 2:37
Tonya was unlike any rabbit the others had ever seen. All the males wanted to get with her, and all the females wanted to be just like her. Unfortunately, she was subject to all the guys constantly attempting to court her, and come on to her with cheesy lines that rabbits are prone to come up with. Her presence alone altered the behavior patterns of the entire flock. They would constantly show off, do exquisite things, tricks, all to try to impress Tonya. She wasn't having any of it, but she taunted them all. Some of the males would faint whenever she walked by, or tense up, get bashful, nervous.
"Mai Cosi" 2:53
Studio Uno 66
Busto Arsizio, Italy
Vern was wandering around the meadow doing all the duties that are important for a rabbit to lay claim to being productive. From a distance, on the other side of the lawn, he spotted her, Tonya. The two bunnies walked past each other, making eye contact, turning heads as they passed. For whatever reason, they did not speak. But, Vern thought of her all day, and fantasized that maybe she was the perfect rabbit, if such a thing exists, it’s her. Back in his burrow, Vern put on his best cologne and his finest suit, and attempted to win her love.
31. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
"Save Me" 2:27
Away We A Go-Go
Ralph and Beverly were a pair of grizzly bears whose relationship was sometimes in turmoil ever since getting captured and sentenced to the zoo. They had been a happy loving couple, but both blamed the other for being in the zoo. Furthermore, all of their attempts to escape had come up short, and both of them were losing their desires to enjoy life. A sort of revelation happened the moment they were freed from the zoo.
30. Frank Zappa
"Trouble Every Day" 5:50
Baltimore, MD (1940)-Los Angeles, CA (1993)
Chaos ensued in the aftermath of the animals dashed out of the zoo and onto the city streets. The news was called in, the riot squad showed up, and all the animals fled to tried to get away. As usual, the media attempted to make it seem like a disaster, stated whoever was responsible for this debacle was surely a criminal, called the uprising a major travesty, and some random black man was automatically guilty. The police are assuring the safety of everyone, and the mayor is the real hero.
29. John Fahey
"Sail Away Ladies" 6:08
Guitar Vol. 4
Tacoma Park, MD (1939)-Salem, OR (2001)
Obtaining a degree in biology comes with a great deal of prestige. Biologists are immediately assumed to be significantly intelligent and their work essential to the benefit of society. However, they are expected to work 40 hours a week and show up somewhere Monday through Friday. They are paid a great deal of earnings, they show up at the office with coffee and donuts, and they sit around and study things that everybody already learned in college.
28. Gary McFarland
"Over Easy" 3:02
The In Sound
Los Angeles, CA (1933)-New York, NY (1971)
Marvin had been feeling inadequate lately, and felt as if the field needed some sort of movement to maintain its cutting edge image. All of the animals had already been discovered, and he fell just short on landing the job to travel to Antarctica to study polar bears. He had a season pass for the zoo and would walk around the zoo on sunny days watching all the animals. The world was beautiful, and sometimes he felt sympathy for the animals in the zoo. Being as he worked here occasionally, doctoring up a rare species, he had all the keys. One night, he came in after close, and let all the animals go free.
27. The Rolling Stones
"Going Home" 11:13
If the zoo was such a great place, then all of the animals would have opted to stay there. But no, there was no going back to the zoo. Human beings had no right to keep them hostage in the sort environment that treated them as objects rather than living creatures. The zoo animals pledged to make it back to their homes, a difficult lesson was learned. Their lives forever changed.
"Bring It On Home" 13:46
Den Haag, Netherlands
The animals united. No matter if they were once foes in the wild, they joined together for it was now a matter of us against them. Even the birds, who could have easily just flown off in the darkness and had an easy escape, stuck by their counterparts to join in the fight. Human beings are ruled by fear, perhaps an admission of guilt that their standards are flawed, and all other animals are not permitted to live with them freely unless they act as slaves in their homes. Truthfully, they did not wish to harm the humans, they just wanted to be free. But, the humans, the police, the riot squad, the mayor, viewed them all as a threat, and aggressively attacked them with force, declaring it was necessary to kill some of them. In retaliation, the animals had no choice but to take the same drastic measures. Humans had to be harmed, birds strategically blinded some of the tormentors, and at last, victory, they were finally free. Temporarily. Popco saw some potential problems up ahead. He told Ned about some upcoming dangers and what needed to happen.
Top Image by: Dan and Kristen's Web
Bottom image by: Common