2011/10/19

The Top 25 Songs of 1990

It's NOT a Wonderful Life + The Top 150 Songs of 1990
Part 1: The World Was Actually a Better Place Without Him
Part 2: Deletion Addiction
Part 3: Submission Requests
Part 4: Night of the Party
Part 5: Aftermath: Shootout at The Cheese Bar
Part 6: Online Dating


Part VI: Online Dating

For best results, press play on the image below to follow the stories with the music.



25. The Flaming Lips
"Shine on Sweet Jesus - Jesus Song No. 5"  4:28
In a Priest Driven Ambulance
Oklahoma City, OK

Some people claim that a good place to meet people is at church, that is, if you're into that kind of shit. Meeting people at church is met with mixed reviews. It has been rumored that Christian girls put out quickly, while some Christian women claim they do not put out until after marriage. The church opposes promiscuous behavior, and sometimes ladies who put out too easily are deemed as sinful sluts who are going straight to Hell. Some people find it sac-religious to go to church with the sole intention to just get laid.

24. Ghost
"Guru in the Echo"  4:28
S/T
Tokyo, Japan

There are those who do not interact well socially, commonly referred to as social misfits. The clubs in which people mingle, ideal meeting places, a meat market, a place to get laid, are not designed for these types of people. These "social misfits" do not like the music selection in which the others dance to, they do not participate in the clichés, they do not converse well about basic topics; nor are they even remotely interested in the fact that Helen was seeing Brad but are now broke up, I hope they get back together. Not a good way to get some action.

23. Alice Donut
"Big Ass"  4:06
Mule
New York, NY

This online dating thing is the wave of the future. But, it comes with fear. Guys fear that by connecting with a person they have never seen before will result into a bad date; meaning, she's fucking fat. You go there, meet at wherever, and your worst dreams come true, the woman is so fucking fat, she orders everything off the menu, turns out to be a complete bitch, mean, nasty, and abusive. Next thing you know, you're married to this fat nasty beast and your whole life is ruined.

22. Deicide
"Dead By Dawn"  3:56
S/T
Tampa, FL

Women fear they will meet some random guy online and he will turn out to be a psychopath. All of your fears realized the moment you are out on the date, conversing about Helen's relationship with Brad, and then it comes out that he is a serial killer. They talk about these guys on the news, and now, you’re stuck with one. One minute, you're are sitting there eating sushi, next thing you know you are trapped in his cellar while he tortures you, sexually abuses you, and sacrifices you to his lord, Satan. Should've just gone to church. Studies indicate that women think 73% of all men fall into this category.

21. Tall Dwarfs
"Skin of My Teeth"  4:05
Weeville
Dunedin, New Zealand

Raymond responded to Julianne's post and seemed to have fallen in love right away. According to her survey analysis, nobody was a threat to ever be a serial killer, and 89% of the guys out there were attractive. However, only 4% were worth keeping in a relationship, while 98% eventually became assholes; 92% at the clubs were losers, 94% of pictures online were hot. In other words, Julianne had a fantasy guy, it was this imaginary image she had instilled in her head to fulfill her lifelong dream to be married, be happy. The guys she knew were not like this, the guys she did not know, 96% of them. They would bring her flowers, remember her birthday, and dedicate their lives to serving her and pleasing her like a slave.

20. Guided By Voices
"Mammoth Cave"  2:17
Same Place the Fly Got Smashed
Dayton, OH

Jack seemed OK, Julianne had a thing for him. But, he was not interested in her at all. She was trying to draw him closer to her while he was trying to avoid her. He was finished with this city, had dreams and aspirations elsewhere; all he wanted to do was leave. Julianne kept insisting that he stay… she was persistent, but not overly aggressive. One day, he had had enough. He packed his shit, got on the bus, and left town for good. There was but one other person on the bus, a girl, named Christina. Jack sat next to her and she frequently glanced over at him. It was a rainy night, the bus floored the gas and raced through the city streets, running stop lights, obliterating the posted speed limit.

19. Daniel Johnston
"Some Things Last a Long Time"  4:54
1990
Waller, TX

Chester met Wilma in the women seeking men section of the dating site. What Chester doesn't know is that Wilma's real name is Wilbur and he has a gigantic cock stuffed down into those jeans that he is hoping to surprise Chester with when they go back to her place. She played her cards right, and the two made a serious connection. They went back to Wilma's, made out, and next thing you know, Wilma had that cock out and Chester was stroking it. This does rank #2 as men's biggest fear in online dating; but when Chester's biggest nightmare was realized, something that had always been there was discovered. Chester was gay, and now in love with Wilma, Wilbur, whatever the fuck this person's name is. They are still happily together today.

18. Hail
"Burlesque Egg"  5:47
Turn of the Screw
Denver, CO

Jack and Christina were growing disturbed with how this bus driver was driving; speeding, running stop lights, driving recklessly. Then, they realized what was happening. The bus was being chased by a stampede of rabid cows. They had no idea where the cows were coming from, just how many of them there were, or why they were chasing the bus. The only thing they knew was they had to assist the bus driver and figure out an escape route. Murphy the bus driver was not stopping for anything, but the cows were gaining on them, ramming the back of the bus. Through the streets, the bus could be seen screeching around corners, with the cows quickly pursuing after it.

17. Died Pretty
"From the Dark"  7:11
Every Brilliant Eye
Sydney, Australia

Carla, 3:28 AM. Thank God they all finally left. I bought a little bag of weed, and I have been counting down the minutes to finish work since the moment I arrived. It was an intense night too; they all just started fighting at the end of it. I just wanted these fuckers to go home, so I could get my shit done, and get out of here- like I have nothing better to do than stay here and serve these mother fuckers. So they all just went out into the streets for a shootout, at least it wasn't in here this time. While they were all out there shooting, I took a couple hits, and then hurried up to get my clean-up work done. So, we have this old picture in here. I was so stoned, it seemed like the picture came to life, playing music. But then, they all came out of the photo...with guns, started busting out the windows and shooting at the clowns in the street. The band in the photo still played the music. I just sat back and listened to the music...fuck it, got my shit done, I'm stoned as fuck now.

16. Ride
"Dreams Burn Down"  6:04
Nowhere
Oxford, England

The cows had spared Howard and Martha, who were just seated at the bar completely stoned out of their mind. A different band showed up in the photograph, the music was cool; a new sound to Howard and Martha, intensified stoned thought patterns. They watched the band in the picture, now with only one member in the audience, Carla. Carla sat a Vic's watching the new band in the photo at her bar, now with just two members in the audience, Howard and Martha. They looked at each other, both stoned from the same weed. At the same time, Howard and Martha entered the photo at The Cheese Bar; Carla entered the photo at Vic's. They sat a table in a photograph together, packed another bowl, and enjoyed watching the band play.

15. Sinéad O'Connor
"Nothing Compares 2 U"  5:11
I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Dublin, Ireland

And so, God hit the rewind button. It was not yet time for Helen to get shot; that wasn't supposed to happen until next month. Poof, she was out of the hospital, rewinding backwards, out of Vic's, out of the party, into her living room, yesterday. There were explosions, in living room, eruptions of fire and smoke, Helen, online dating, together with this loser, that loser, a douche, a serial killer, a woman. Then, the image of her true love, Brad, sitting at a diner, at the bar. Helen kicked through the door, busting the glass, and shot the person seated next to Brad in the head, dropping his ass dead on the floor. At that moment, the picture of a band on the wall played music, a somber song, with orchestration. Brad turned, saw Helen standing by the door, smoke coming from her pistol, she was full of tears. As the music played, she approached Brad, while singing this song to him. She sang right to him, tearfully, slowly dancing around the diner, periodically shooting some person in the diner, until they were all dead, except Brad, because, Brad, Nothing Compares 2 U!

14. Mother Love Bone
"Gentle Groove"  4:04
Apple
Seattle, WA

Julianne responded to Raymond's e-mail. The two e-mailed each other back and forth for awhile, and then exchanged phone numbers. After that, they were texting each other back and forth. Raymond blew off all of his other duties for the day, just stayed in his room, awaiting the next message from Julianne. Whenever he heard his phone alert he had a new message, he would get excited. This may be the one. As he was texting her all day, he would sing to his phone, dance around the room. Online dating was the wave of the future, and he scored big time! It bothered him when somebody other than Julianne sent him a text.

13. Spacemen 3
"Set Me Free-I've Got The Key"  5:09
Recurring
Rugby, England

Keith, 8:49 AM. Brian did not even remember hearing the shots, and had no idea that a shootout even took place. He stunk like sewage anyway. We dropped him off, then Jon and I decided to go back to that Vic's place and look and see what happened. The police were still around, talking some bullshit about a stampede of cows, an overturned bus, who knows. There was a photo, a black and white photo, lying on the ground. It was a band, a couple people watching the band. And her, Carla. It was my idea to go into the photo, because I loved Carla, already. We went in, the band is playing this cool music, and before I knew anything, Jon is over there talking to Carla, they are in love. Fucking cock-blocker.

12. Angelo Badalamenti
"Montage From Twin Peaks"  5:30
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
New York, NY

Inside the picture was another picture. Jon was seated with Carla, Howard was seated with Martha, Keith by himself. The band played, it was dreamy, the effects of the pot came back, Carla had some, and they were all smoking. The picture inside the photo was a picture of the girl from the concert last night sitting in her bedroom. Carla walked over to Keith's table, offered him a hit from the bowl. He took a hit and passed it back. Then, Carla looked into the picture of the girl from the concert sitting on her bed, she looked back. Carla offered the girl a hit of the bowl. She looked into the picture of the group, Keith sitting, Carla offering a bowl, Jon, that other guy from the show, standing next to Carla, Howard and Martha standing beside them all, they were all staring back at her, as if they were waiting for her. She came through the picture and into the other picture, now with the group. They all stood in a circle, while the band played. She took a hit, sat next to Keith; the whole group sat down at once, not saying a word. Jon and Keith texted each other at the exact same time; "fucking cock-blocker."

11. My Bloody Valentine
"Glider"  3:10
Glider EP
Dublin, Ireland

The band left the picture, along with their guitars and distortion pedals. They emerged from the picture, into the street, in broad daylight. The sound they produced with those guitars was otherworldly, as bizarre things began to happen right on the street. It grew dark, as the sun went down, images moved all around them, some in rewind, some in fast forward, and it became that night, and the magic of this band seemed to be stringing a montage of events together. On the street, Vic's right before the shootout, beside it, The Cheese Bar, right before the shootout, the cows were off in the distance, the bus, down the next block, an army of cats parading around the neighborhood, Brad and Helen, disappeared. The photo grew to enormous size… the size of a large skyscraper and became the background to the entire block. After the song, the band went back inside the photo. The audience watched out into the street.

10. Royal Trux
"(Edge of the) Ape Oven"  15:08
Twin Infinitives
Chicago, IL

Water flowed from underneath the door of The Cheese Bar. Reports of cows charging out of the establishment. The crowd of spectators from Vic's gathered outside to see what the commotion was all about. People on the streets stopped and stared, all of these people were unusual, the water was flooding the entire streets. This band was playing crazy music in a huge photo were a restaurant once stood. One establishment was in shambles, flooded, supposedly a cow came to life and busted through. Tensions were rising; Cheese Bar customers were asking ridiculous questions, Vic's people were giving nasty responses. A woman emerged from Vic's, completely naked, covered in blood. She was crying, panicking, and saying a bunch of things that made no sense to anyone. The crowd attempted to calm her; somebody from The Cheese Bar asked her if she knew anything about shipping. Another group emerged from The Cheese Bar, in black and white, from a long time ago, wearing old fashioned suits, carrying guns. Vic's people backed up and all drew their guns. Water from the bathroom continued to flood the streets.

9. Vermonster
"Black Liquid Slowly Mummifies"  12:15
Spirit of YMA
Cambridge, MA

The guitar player was phenomenal, as he played, it seemed as if his guitar was smoldering. In the midst of the tension, some gross middle aged man kissed his nasty wife making that gross smacking sound. Nobody knows who fired first, but all at once, several people raised their pistols and shot the gross kissing couple. But, it wouldn't stop there, after the first shot, people took cover, and shots were being exchanged back and forth. Somebody threw a bomb into the group, the water flowing into streets lit up like kerosene, as the whole block was soon engulfed into flames. While the whole block was burning, people started shooting at each other, the old folks from the original photo stood in the flames gunning people down in the street while the band in the huge photo erupted in a psychedelic guitar solo that set the theme. All of the windows were busted out of both Vic's and The Cheese Bar, fighting ensued in both establishments...gunshots roaring, people getting shot, explosions, fist-fights on the tables. It was total chaos!

8. My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult
"A Daisy Chain 4 Satan"  5:31
Confessions Of a Knife
Chicago, IL

The other night, Julianne had bought a bag of this awesome weed that was going around town. She tried it, got bombed, and just laid around in her room thinking of really cool shit and laughing about it until 4:00 in the morning when it finally wore off. According to his profile, Raymond was 4:20 friendly. They were still in that introductory phase of text messaging each other, nobody wanted to say anything too offensive that might ruin the whole thing. But, he seemed cool, so cool that she wanted him to come over, and maybe they could hang out, smoke some bud, talk, watch a movie, fuck.

7. Galaxie 500
"Listen, The Snow is Falling"  7:48
This is Our Music
Boston, MA

The entire block was on fire. The band in the photo continued to play, playing it slow, noisy, with an edge, but pretty singing. It was warm outside, but the snow began to fall anyway. Amidst the blaze, people from 1948 continued a shootout with people of all ages in current time. While buildings were being destroyed, and people were gunned down in the streets, cats were strategically raiding all of the establishments. Entering in the back doors, through the alleyways, unnoticed through all of the commotion, they would come in, rob all of the money out of the cash registers, and the merchandise deemed most precious. The cats cracked safes and looted all of the valuables that people in this plane of existence were willing to shoot each other in streets over. Once they had everything gathered in bags, they went to a rooftop, sliced the bags of money, and heaved it over the side. Along with the snow, money, paper portraits of the dead kings evolved from donkeys and elephants, those who delegated shootouts in the streets worthy, floated from the sky. While people were too busy gunning each other down, the currency dropped into the fiery streets and smoldered into black ashes.

6. Mazzy Star
"A Taste of Blood"  5:37
She Hangs Brightly
Los Angeles, CA

Lucille walked calmly into the scene. She walked through the flames, and seemed to not be concerned with the gunshots, never flinched, never ducked, nothing. As she made her way into the war zone, she propped up a tripod, and set up her video camera, not filming the scene at all. She stood in front of the large photo, with the band still playing, aimed the camera towards her, and turned it on to film herself.

"Oh my God! It's my birthday, I'm 21 today! So my friends all called me up, they said it was birthday, I could do whatever I wanted to do, so long as they approved. We went out to celebrate, started taking shots, dancing around the bar, yelling, acting silly. It was, like, this is what being 21 is all about. That I am now totally free to what I want, heyayayay!!! (Lucille ripped open her blouse and started flapping her breasts against the camera).

So here I am now, in the real world, a real woman. This is what it is all about! This is what we live for! To burn down the city block, to shoot each other, to destroy all of the things these people consider valuable. I am soooo happy to be a part of Earth, this world, with these people. How happy? So happy, that I prayed to God. And God heard my prayers.

She, yes God is a woman, spoke to me, and gave me this gift. It is a remote control, with a delete button. She said that since its my birthday, that I can delete whoever I want. Let's see now, who do I want to delete. I could...delete the whole group. But what would that solve? (She grabbed a bill floating from the sky) I could delete Andrew Jackson, but that should have been done a long time ago. Who should I delete? How about...me? Do I really want to live with any of these people? The answer; no. It's not a wonderful life.

In a televised suicide, Lucille pointed the controller to herself, pressed the button, and she was deleted.

5. Егор и Опизденевшие (Egor & The Fuckups)
"Прыг-Скок"  10:22
Прыг-Скок
Omsk, Russia

Travelling at a speed of 85 mph, the bus attempted to flee from the stampede of cows that was racing after it. It was picking up speed going down a hill, when suddenly up ahead the next block was completely engulfed into flames and a war was going on. The bus driver slammed on the brakes, but the bus spun out of control, spinning around and around, picking up speed, flying off the ground, and crashing down upside down sliding towards the commotion in the streets. The bus, coming so fast, skid rapidly through the flames, sparks flying, in a halo of bullets. The speeding bus crashed into the crowd of people shooting at each other, knocking them out, smashing them, and sending them flying into the remnants of the buildings. The stampede of cows rushed in, thousands of them; they stamped out the flames, stamped out all remaining survivors, and all participants were squished into oblivion, destroying all mind, body, spirit, and soul- there is no chance of ever returning.

4. Kitchens of Distinction
"Quick as Rainbows"  3:49
Strange Free World
London, England

The block was eerily quiet. Jack, Christina, and the bus driver were now part of the picture. Although the band was playing on the stage in the background, the entire group was standing, back towards the band, looking out at the city block. Although it seemed as if order was restored, the block was trashed. Ashes floated from the buildings that still had a slight smolder, glass everywhere, a few bodies lying around on the ground, still clinching a gun. The group was shocked at first, stunned about what just happened. They stood silent, observing the scene for a moment, and then they all laughed. From the street, you could hear the music, not the people. You could see them, standing around the table, passing around the bowl, black and white, band in the background, laughing, periodically looking out at the world, taking a hit, talking about something, then laughing. It was pure merriment.

3. Straitjacket Fits
"Down in Splendour"  3:39
Melt
Dunedin, New Zealand

In the aftermath, still stationary figures began to appear. The people all returned, the flames returned, the overturned bus, the cows storming through the streets. But, it was a still image that remained for several minutes. The black and white photo of the group continued their merriment, and found the objects that had returned frozen seemingly amusing. Once all of the still objects were put into place, burning money, dead bodies and all, a wooden frame stamped around it, picked it up as if it had been pasted to the canvas, and rose. It was a color photo that hung across the street from the black and white photo, with a nothingness void separating them. With a bleep, Lucille returned where she committed suicide, 21 years old + 1 day. The black and white photo became color, and the group happily emerged onto the streets that were now normal. Across the street hung the photo of the aftermath of the violence, now in black and white. The world was better now.

2. Cocteau Twins
"Heaven or Las Vegas"  4:57
Heaven or Las Vegas
Grangemouth, Scotland

Julianne invited Raymond over. But, this whole online dating thing absolutely cannot be left up to chance these days. Raymond requested that she send him a pic, it was the moment he had been waiting for, and waited with immense anticipation to see what this girl actually looked like. She sent him a pic, check it out.

#1! Zeni Geva
"On Suicide"  5:57
Maximum Money Monster
Tokyo, Japan

(For best results wait until the 2:12 mark of the song before opening link).

Julianne eagerly awaited the pic he promised to send her back. It took exactly 2 minutes and 12 seconds. She opened her phone, and there was the picture of him. There was a loud knock at the door the moment she opened her phone. BANG! BANG! BANG!



END CREDITS: Samhain
"Twist of Cain"  4:15
Final Descent
Lodi, NJ

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.

Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

No songs are intended to be affiliated with the establishments discussed, true events, or God. "N bomb" uttered by a character in the story not supported by the author, the artist, or the song.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
Top Image by: Flickr
Bottom Left Image by: Two Dot Oh Wordpress
Bottom Right Image by: Budz Wordpress
Special thanks to David Lynch and the movie It's a Wonderful Life for influence.

©2011




NC-17 SOUNDTRAXXX Best Songs of 1990:  150-126  125-101  100-76  75-51  50-26  25-#1


1 comment:

Popular Posts